Points of Divergence: Episode 17: Life Choices

Asuka abandons Shinji on a bench outside an "intimate apparel" store. Shinji is regretting the choices that led to this. He's going to regret it more before she gets back.

Shinji reached up to place Asuka's and Misato's monthly supplies in the bathroom cupboard and winced. Asuka's nightmares had been worse than his own last night and his shoulder still ached where she'd gripped him. He didn't know what that dream was, it wasn't one where she talked in her sleep. He'd already made sure to restock both the normal and special painkillers, but he'd bought more during today's shopping just in case. He didn't want Asuka to run out again.

Asuka wasn't stupid even if he was. She would have put the fact that they felt each other's pain sometimes and that he'd had everything she needed and while she hadn't actually thanked him for the chocolate, she'd smiled after she ate the last piece and that was more than enough reward. So if she didn't know he knew then, she certainly knew now, and Asuka hated that, hated him for knowing something like that about her.

Which made the next conversation he was going to have even more awkward and dangerous than the one about her underwear. But he'd somehow survived that. He had somehow survived Misato's teasing, and even understood that's what she was doing. Somehow he'd even survived Kodama silently handing him back the picture of Ayanami the next time he'd cooked at the Horaki's, though he hadn't understood her expression.

Just he had to do something for Asuka, not because he hurt, it wasn't that he was used to pain but he expected it, he just had to do something. He cared even if no one else seemed to. Fortunately, the school's computer system was connected to a number of sources of information. Unfortunately, they gave him the same answer, and it wasn't something he dared check with anyone else. He certainly couldn't ask Hikari, even if he could manage to ask her about laundry. Doctor Akagi clearly didn't care, and he didn't know anyone else.

"Tadaima!"

Except the person who had just come home, who he'd need to ask anyway. At least Asuka was out somewhere with Hikari and avoiding doing her share of the chores, so he was safe for at least another few hours until she thought he'd have done them all.

He closed the cabinet door, took a deep breath and headed out into the living room.

"Okaeri, Katsuragi-san."

"Hi Shinji, why so formal today?"

"I have something to ask and I need you to take it seriously and not make assumptions, or tell Asuka I talked to you about it."

Misato nods, "Alright, I'm listening."

Shinji pauses, blushing and looking away while he steels himself. He'd worked it out in his head earlier, but it was another thing to actually say it out loud.

"Uh. Asuka needs birth control pills."

"Shinji!", of all the things she was expecting, this was not it, "What happened to 'you don't have to worry about that'? I thought you were the responsible one here."

Before Misato can continue, Shinji raises his hand. Not in the palms forward stop gesture but with the back to Misato, the dark finger shaped bruises quite clear. They didn't hurt anymore but they did still look rather dramatic.

"She'd already had the maximum painkiller dose before she grabbed my hand to deal with the pain. You have to do something for her, and I read that was the main treatment when painkillers weren't enough."

He doesn't mention that Asuka has an identical set of bruises, narrower and longer than his fingers could create. He doesn't mention that the reason Asuka even let him see her in pain was that he'd unthinkingly gone into her room having rushed home from school midafternoon because he knew exactly where she was. He doesn't mention that it took longer than it should have for him to realize that the pain in his gut was too low to be remembered pain from the second angel he fought. He should have known better by then, but the pain had been distracting. He could almost certainly take it better than Toji, but he still couldn't tell which of the other girls in the class were in similar situations, even knowing what to look for.

He definitely doesn't mention that that was two weeks ago, that the bruises on his hand were from where he'd tried to loosen her grip on his shoulder before she broke something and she'd grabbed his hand instead. It was because the way she'd gripped him last night had been so similar that he was doing this now.

"And why are you the one asking me about it?"

He tries to stay formal, because otherwise he might run away and never be able to come back.

"Seriously Misato, it's Asuka. She doesn't ask for anything. She doesn't admit to needing help. And it's hard enough having this conversation with you, can you imagine me trying to have it with her? She still thinks you buy all her supplies when you haven't done the grocery shopping in months.

"So, please? Talk to her about it? Get her something? I can't stand to see her like this."

Katsuragi nods, "It's nice of you to be so concerned about her, Shin-chan. I'll think about it." Then Misato grins, "You know what else helps?"

For a moment Shinji gets his hopes up, then he notices the expression on Misato's face. The one that always comes before she starts saying something embarrassing to make fun of him.

"Orgasms."

Shinji stares at her, this is absurd beyond the point of embarrassment, "You tell her that. I'd rather fight Angels, I might survive that."

He turns and retreats to his room. He doesn't tell her she won't get anywhere even if she tries. Neither of them do that. The other one would feel it. Which might perhaps be pleasanter than some of the other bodily functions they were mutually aware of, but ... no they'd both die of embarrassment if Asuka tried that, and if he did she'd probably call him a pervert and ... actually he wasn't sure what she'd do but it would no doubt be very unpleasant.

Maybe one of these days Asuka might actually hold his hand because she wanted to, not out of desperation or pain, in the daylight not the throws of nightmares. He shook his head. Being used as a pillow and nightmare protection must be getting to him. She'd never want to do that.

"Good Morning Shin-chan!"

Misato sounded cheerful as she stretched and resisted the urge to have her wake up beer.

Shinji put her breakfast on the table but otherwise ignored her. Asuka was in the bathroom and he needed not to be thinking about what she was doing, or about her at all. He might be getting used to waking up with her in his bed, and that they didn't share thoughts as well as body sensations but he was very glad that he'd been alone this morning and hadn't woken up with Asuka sprawled across him wearing only a t-shirt, or Ayanami in the same position wearing nothing at all. It had taken a while to shake off the afterimages from his dreams, he'd definitely been dreaming, though Asuka would have considered them nightmares.

Misato dropped into her chair, glanced at her food, at the bathroom door and back to Shinji.

"About last night. Your suggestion was more practical, even if mine would have been more fun. I'll sort something out this week."

Shinji nods, not risking saying anything more than "Thank you".

Which is fortunate as a moment later the subject of their non-conversation stomps out of the bathroom.

"She should be the one thanking you, as you did all her chores yesterday." Asuka pulls out a chair and sits somewhat more gracefully than Misato, "Never mind, you made fish for breakfast again".

Shinji puts her plate in front of her, which does indeed contain fish, and his own at the end of the table far enough away that there's no chance of accidental contact. He could point out that he did all her chores yesterday as well, so according to her own logic she should be thanking him. He knew the futility of that, as well as that he'd probably have to redo half of them anyway. At least he could muster up a defense of his cooking.

"You ate the last sausage two days ago."

Misato chokes on a mouthful of rice. Shinji hands her her glass of water and sighs. Asuka pauses with food halfway to her mouth.

"Perverts! Both of you!"

"Hai," mutters Shinji morosely.

Asuka stares at him for a moment, opens her mouth to say something then puts food in it instead. If she said something he'd probably apologise, and he'd been getting better at that which meant he'd probably tell her what he was apologising for. Even fish was better than finding out what that was.