Shinji was awake when the door opened. The synchronised sleeping meant they woke from each other's nightmares too. That hadn't changed.
He waited for Asuka to decide if she was going back to her own bed or taking her side of his own. For two people who struggled to understand each other, some things didn't need words.
The silence stretched into what seemed like minutes.
"Asuka, are you alright?"
"Baka!" Asuka snapped back in a I'd-yell-at-you-but-that-would-wake-Misato-if-she's-home tone.
"I'm standing in your doorway in the middle of the night in my underwear. I'm not fucking alright".
'I'm sorry' would make things worse. He managed not to say it.
He shuffled over and pulled back the covers, leaving the unspoken invitation there if she wanted to take it.
Asuka's shadow shook her head, "I. I can't sleep in here. Can you come to my room?"
"Are you sure?" Asuka always came to him, never the other way around.
"No." she whispered, "Don't make this any harder".
Shinji followed Asuka the few steps back to her room, somewhat confused. He was used to being confused by Asuka, but that was because Asuka was herself. This was very un-Asuka like. She was loud and demanding, not quiet and ... needy? Shinji wasn't sure and, other than waking him on cue, there was nothing helpful from the synchronisation, he could only tell where she was from the faint city light coming through the curtains.
"Get in the bed" That sounded more like Asuka. Telling him what to do. If only it didn't sound more like a plea.
Asuka crawled under the covers after him and settled with her back against his chest. Nothing happened except a whisper.
"Hold me"
Shinji tentatively put an arm around her, blushing in the dark as he tried to find the safest place to put his hand.
"Hold me like you want to, dammit"
"Sorry" he couldn't help it. "I. I. " he stammers.
"I don't want to touch you somewhere you don't want me to" he finally blurts out.
Asuka laughs, but there's a sharp bitter edge to it, "A half-naked girl asks you into her bed and you're worried about accidentally touching a boob. That's my baka".
"If you don't want to hold me, let me go and get out of my sight."
Before Shinji can interpret that as a rejection or an instruction, she adds
"If you do want to hold me, do it properly. I don't care what you touch, just fucking hold me".
Shinji wraps both arms around her, one around her waist and the other up across her so his hand is on her shoulder and he can pull her tightly against him.
After several minutes of breathing the scent of her hair and feeling her very slowly relax, Shinji risks stating a thought out loud.
"Asuka, even when the synchronisation is helping and not making things worse, I can only sometimes tell what you need. I can't work out what you want. You should know by now that I'll do whatever I can for you. But you need to actually ask".
Asuka attempts to smother a laugh with her free hand, "Damn Wündergirl" she mutters in german.
"Huh?" asks Shinji, somewhat muffled by her hair, and for once doing the sensible thing and avoiding saying anything that would put him further into that particular minefield. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Ayanami so he didn't know what was going on between them. Or if it would help him understand what was going on here in any way at all.
"Something from when you were doing your dramatic sync-rate so high I'm primordial soup thing.
Rei was moping around because she hadn't had a hug from you in over a week. So I offered her one.
After some discussion on the nature of hugs, I mentioned you never hugged me.
She said if I ever wanted one from you, I just had to ask".
Shinji smiled against her cheek in a way unlike but still similar to Rei, "Well, she was right".
Asuka snuggled back against him, "That was the day after I discovered I couldn't sleep in your room anymore"
"Oh. That explains why we're in your bed, not mine I guess" Shinji was focusing on the conversation, not the sensation of Asuka pressing against him.
"Yeah. It turns out that a week without baka hugs is enough to make Rei sad, and a week without baka's bed is enough for the nightmares to get bad again".
"I guess that it didn't go well"
"Well, I didn't have my nightmares. I had yours. I spent the rest of the night in a cold bath trying to get my skin to stop burning"
"Oh. Asama. When I can't catch you".
Asuka takes Shinji's hands and pulls him closer around her. 'Stupid baka. Has nightmares about dying in a volcano so bad it takes hours for the burning sensation to fade and the only thing he thinks of it is that he's losing me'.
"Baka-Shinji, at least you can swim now."
It takes a few moments for Shinji to follow her train of thought, the swimming lessons had been the first time heshe had felt herhis hands on hisher bare skin. Accidental touches had become even more of an emotional minefield after that for both of them and, of course, he'd never touch her on purpose unless absolutely necessary - she might have learned the hard way not to respond with physical violence but somehow that had just ramped up her volume. Yet here they were, with her insisting he do what he wanted to do but didn't dare, to just hold her when she needed it. As long as he didn't screw up.
"I didn't know Nerv even had a pool until you insisted on teaching me". Asuka had yelled at him for being an idiot diving into a volcano when he didn't know how to swim after he'd woken them both up from the same nightmare. The next day she had discovered Misato didn't know he couldn't swim. To call the ensuing discussion an argument would be to assume Misato got a word in - Asuka's rant about the complete lack of pilot training and Misato's incompetence had lasted until he put breakfast in front of her.
Shinji felt her tense. 'How was that the wrong thing to say? Once she'd gotten over being irritated she'd had me swimming in a week or so. But between my fear of water and the weird feeling each other touch each other thing, it had taken the first couple of days just for her to be able to let go of me without me drowning. How many times did she call me a pervert who was pretending to be bad so she'd have to keep touching me? Dammit. I bet that's what she's thinking and she's going to pull away any moment'.
Asuka was however having an entirely different conversation with herself. Since the swimming lessons she'd avoided physical contact with anyone - especially the idiot. Doctors couldn't be avoided but they never felt like they were touching her. Then her irritation and that damned feeling of responsibility had caused her to offer Rei a hug. Rei who'd gotten under her skin and filled a hole she didn't know she had. Rei whose words had prompted her to take the risk and ask her idiot. Her idiot who was holding her. It was different than Rei. More something that she couldn't describe. It wasn't desire, she didn't want Shinji that way any more than she did Rei. Maybe Rei was right again and I need to hug him naked. That's never going to happen. I'm already in just my underwear, that's as close as it's getting.
"Take your shirt off" she blurted before she could stop herself.
Shinji froze, not even breathing.
'Dammit, I ruined everything. I was wrong. I don't need him. I don't need...'
"Asuka," Shinji interupted her thoughts gently, "if that's what you want, but I'll have to stop holding you for a moment to do that"
'Oh. Damn.'
Asuka wrapped a leg around his, maybe that would be enough skin contact to last. "Just be quick about it baka".
That was just him doing as he was told. He wasn't deliberately caressing her skin. He wasn't leaving. She could still feel his legs. He wasn't dissolving into a puddle behind her. I can feel the fabric of his shirt moving across his skin. Good. He's doing what he was told. Hurry up and hold me again baka. I almost wish I did want you that way, then I could have you touch me everywhere and maybe it would be enough.
Shinji slowly lies back down behind Asuka and starts to carefully wrap his arms back around her.
"I said be quick" mutters Asuka as she yanks him down as soon as his hands are in reach, not caring as theirhis hand brushes across theirher breast on the way, herhistheir arms clench tightly pulling theirher back against theirhis chest, settling into almost the same position. It's better. It's not enough. It'll have to be. There's still too much fabric between them. Rei was wrong, that still wouldn't be enough. This is still far better than she ever expected of the baka. Her baka. Whatever that meant.
Despite the original intention of sleep without nightmares, it was a long time before they finally fell asleep, and even longer until they woke in exactly the same position.