Overheard Conversations, or How many schoolgirls does it take to annoy an Asuka

Asuka disliked using the school bathrooms. Even the risk of PenPen walking in on her wasn't as bad as overhearing the inane chatter of other girls while she was taking care of things. There were a couple of voices, one of which she recognised but couldn't put a name to, so probably from the same class. The other she didn't know at all.

"Thank you to whoever is keeping these things stocked," said the unfamiliar voice.

"That would be our class jock" responded the girl from her class.

"Horaki-the-tyrant is still making him do that? It's been weeks!"

"She's not. I mean she goes with him to make sure he doesn't walk in on anyone, but no, it was Ikari".

Asuka hadn't really been paying attention until they mentioned Shinji. Not that she cared about what other people thought, but Shinji did and if anyone was going to bother him it was going to be her.

"What? That scrawny little runt with all the personality of a wet rag?"

'Runt? How dare she?! Sure baka is shorter than me...'

"Well, our scrawny little runt," says the second girl sounding somewhat... defensive? ... "apparently has hidden depths. You know how they tease him about being married to Her Royal Highness because he acts like a henpecked husband and she's always with him however annoyed with him she seems?"

The apparently taller than everyone girl if Shinji's a runt, "I never got that, even if he had a thing for her, there's no 'dere' in that 'tsun'"

'Hey! That's not fair. Just ask Shinji. Actually don't. Ask Rei. No don't do that, she'll make some accurate but totally misleading statement and I'll never get the rumours squashed. Actually, just keep thinking that so you keep away and don't annoy me'.

In our class, why don't I recognise her voice continued, "Anyway, she was missing one day, no idea where, didn't care, and the next thing we know he's giving a very passionate and accurate lecture about monthly pain, he's emphasising his points by prodding the meat-head in exactly the right spot. Then he tells Mr Manly Man that he couldn't handle it as well as a girl - and he uses that derogatory tone for 'girl', except he's totally being sarcastic about it. And to make his point, he points out how many of the girls in the class are currently cramping and that you can't tell"

'He did WHAT?' Asuka isn't sure which part of that most surprises her, it all seems so out of character for the baka-Shinji she knows.

Bitch who's taller than everyone asks "What? How did he know then?"

'Probably just guessing. Obviously he knows when mine are, possibly also Rei's though she's never mentioned them although she has no problems being very straightforward about other bodily functions, but other than that, no way the baka knows'.

Mayumi-perhaps responds, "No idea, but he knew who, and how long for! He didn't point anyone out, he's far too polite for that, but he knew. It was weird. But he didn't stop there. The next thing he does is to ask She Who Must Be Obeyed to take the idiot jock shopping for pads and painkillers and stuff."

Tall bitch who maybe is actually a senior, "And they actually did?"

Not Mayumi, "Oh yes! There were witnesses. Horaki didn't let him get out of it, though apparently he didn't even try. What I do know is that she picked out the store and went there earlier to ask the staff not to help him out at all. At least she gave him a list as Ikari asked, otherwise who knows what we'd have ended up with."

Asuka smothers a snort, 'That's so Hikari, at least it wasn't aimed at me this time. And of course Jock-Stooge didn't try, Shinji had insulted his manliness'.

Not Mayumi, maybe Kaede continued, "Well, what happened next might have helped. Ikari still wasn't done. By this time the entire class was watching, there were girls from at least three other classrooms standing in the doorway and Ikari's got this odd distant look on his face."

'If I wasn't there and he was, I must have been in the GeoFront going through one of Akagi's boring tests. So looking 'distant' in the middle of a conversation was probably him mirroring my expression when I'm bored out of my freaking skull. Why wouldn't he be in sync testing then if I was stuck there though? Akagi never let an opportunity to poke us go to waste. Maybe it was the time she tried to see if Rei and I could synchronise in the same Eva the way Shinji and I did against that stupid fish angel. Hrm. I wonder if that would work better now Rei and I get along, maybe I'll ask Akagi next time she tries to pull some experimental shit on us.'

Probably Kaede, "And he's like 'If you ever make a joke about that again, I'll get my 'wife' to repeat the lesson', and you can tell he's just so done with the whole 'wife' thing, jock-boy is practically shitting his pants at the thought of how the Baroness would give that lesson and Ikari still isn't done!"

"You sound like you have a crush on him." teases her friend

Almost certainly Kaede responds, "What? No! Anyway, I wouldn't stand a chance. So anyway after all that he just deadpans this bombshell
'Ayanami doesn't know how to pull her punches'
and gets up and leaves."

Asuka bites the side of her hand to keep from laughing out loud, 'Baka! You really are never going to live that one down'.

"Ayanami? The Ice Queen? The one who burned Her Highness to the ground on her first day? The Statue that wouldn't know a facial expression if it bit her in the ass."

"There another one? Of course that Ayanami. And she does have at least one other facial expression. It's this cute little smile. Only when she's looking at him."

"Ohhh."

"Hidden depths, I told you"

"Not so hidden apparently," adds a new voice. "Ikari and Ayanami were seen holding hands on the way to school this morning. Before they stopped to pick up Soryu."

'Well, shit, who saw that? There's supposed to be no one around but Section 2, and they aren't going to be talking to school kids.'

Another new girl asks "Doesn't Ikari still live with Soryu?"

Tall bitch remarks "I bet the Baroness wasn't at all happy with that, you know how possessive she is of her pet Ikari"

New new girl, sounds like a senior snarks, "I'm not sure he is the pet. Hidden depths an' all".

'Shinji ordering me around?' muses Asuka, 'That would never work. I'd be laughing too much. Curling up in Shinji's lap with him stroking my hair now... gah! why am I thinking such things?'

Spy girl ignores miss snarky, "No, get this, they let go as soon as they see Soryu and my reliable witness is waiting for the explosion, but Ayanami runs up to Soryu and hugs her."

Kaede disbelievingly responds "You're joking, right?"

Spy girl who needs a Section 2 background check, "I saw them arrive together, Soryu was laughing at something Ayanami said and Ikari was walking behind them smiling at both of them. And unlike every other male at the gate, he wasn't watching their asses."

'Well', thought Asuka, 'he wasn't watching our asses then'. She was sure he had been earlier so she'd started teasing him with the way she walked, then Rei had fallen into sync and it was amusing until Shinji had stumbled, "Dammit Asuka, my hips don't work that way" and she'd stopped in a fit of giggles.

Tall bitch, "So the runt really does have something going for him?"

Suicidal Kaede, "Other than the stupid pilot thing? I'm pretty sure he shot down the first dozen girls because he saw that's all they wanted or knew about him.

'Stupid pilot thing?!' Asuka is so busy fuming and resisting the urge to get up and give almost-certainly-Kaede a piece of her mind that she almost misses the next comment.

Senior Snark, "Yeah, I can't see any other reason anyone would go after him, unless he has a really big..."

There's a quiet gasp from one of the girls and a giggle from another, Asuka can't tell which.

Asuka's anger transforms into amusement. If she weren't sitting there with her underwear around her ankles and eavesdropping, she could have told them exactly how big Shinji got, and that he was apparently bigger than Jock-Stooge. Not that she'd ever admit to knowing that, even if the result wouldn't be Death-by-Hikari. Who was probably the only other person who now had that piece of information. Hikari was a proper little Japanese girl, except around her, so there was no risk of her sharing it with anyone. Though being able to cut Toji's dick waving down to size would be entertaining for the few seconds before her demise.

While Hikari was somehow no longer embarrassed to share intimate details with her, she had successfully sidestepped Hikari's questions about the details of how exactly she knew about Shinji. Though she'd told Hikari how one of the side effects of the glitchy sensory synchronisation was that they each knew far more about the shape of each other's bodies than either was even remotely comfortable with, there were limits. "Morning Wood" had been an abstract concept she was vaguely aware of until she had felt Shinji struggling with one in the bathroom. She'd berated him for being a pervert of course. Until she'd discovered something else that was obvious in retrospect - male anatomy is messed up - you can't pee with an erection and Shinji had had an uncomfortably full bladder. Which she could also feel. So she'd snuck away quietly and hoped the synchronisation faded before one of them died of embarrassment.

Asuka had been lost in uncomfortable memories and missed whatever they had been saying about Shinji's dick. Which was probably a good thing.

Kaede was still talking about Shinji when Asuka started paying attention again, "Sure he's quiet, and so apologetic that he'd probably get up at his own funeral to apologise for being dead."

'Good one, Kaede. Not good enough to forgive you for the pilot comment though.'

The still very dead girl formerly known as Kaede continued, "He cares about people, even people he doesn't know, even people who ignore him or who are mean to him. You just called him a runt, you could do that to his face, and worse - people have - and he'd still be the person who made sure you didn't have to worry about not having a tampon last week. He's apparently such a good cook that the Baroness stabbed the Class Rep with a chopstick when she merely asked politely if she could try a piece of the lunch he'd made."

'Hey! I didn't stab anyone. That was Rei!'

"You know what he did about that? The next day he made five lunches - himself, the Baroness, the Ice Queen and two he hands to Horaki - as samplers of all the different things he makes - one's for the Class Rep, the other is for her sisters to try, with the offer of showing her how to make anything she doesn't already know how to do. Do you have any idea how much work that many different kinds of food would be?"

'So that's why he was up early that day. The two german lunches in a row weren't leftovers, he really made everything all over again. Baka.'

"He's smart - not next to Soryu of course, none of us look smart next to her - the only time she looks worse at something is because Japanese isn't one of the three languages she reads fluently."

'Of course no one looks smart next to me! Especially the baka.'

"He's patient. He's protective of the people he cares about. He's brave - and I don't mean the whole piloting thing - he's risked his few friendships by speaking up when he could have just let things go. Not just the thing with the Jock either. The whole pictures thing, I'm pretty sure that was Aida - he's the best photographer in the school by a long way - that stopped several days before Soryu found out."

Oh really? That's why Kensuke claimed he'd already stopped doing it, even though neither Hikari nor I believed him. And why do I never see this supposed backbone of his? He doesn't stand up to me when I'm teasing him.

"He's passionate, just watch that video if you don't believe me, even if you have to pay Aida for a new copy.

'Video? There's a video of this apparently famous speech? Of course there is if Geek-Stooge was in the room. I can see what he actually said, as it seems he and Hikari have been holding out on me. I'll have to twist Kensuke's arm to give me a copy.'

"No, I don't have a crush on him," Kaede claims, in a voice that in an older girl might have sounded like 'but I want to have his babies', "He's turned down everyone who's approached him, including several boys and two high school girls - who apparently had already ditched their boyfriends because they didn't measure up to him."

'What? I bet he didn't even notice he was being hit on, especially by the boys.'

'But two high school girls? That's stretching the story a bit much there. There's no way my baka is being used as a measure for what makes an adequate boyfriend. If it's true those guys must have been terrible. Then again, aren't most boys. There must be something to Jock-Stooge otherwise Hikari wouldn't be dating him, but the only other boys Hikari talked to where Geek-Stooge and Shinji.'

Obviously Shinji was much better than either stooge. Sure he was annoying, but he was an excellent cook, he'd looked after Rei from the day they met - even before he even knew who she was. He'd been the leverage I'd needed to get Rei to open up. He was a good pilot, not as good as me of course, but he was creative in battles when the Angels pulled some weird shit that violated the laws of physics. As I discovered before that particular pool session, that is possibly because he doesn't know which laws of physics they keep breaking, which is more an inditement of this useless school we are stuck in than his intelligence, he'd picked it up as soon as I explained it properly. I know I tease him a lot about doing anything for Rei, but he held me when I asked despite his own nightmares and the risk of the excruciating pain we get almost every time we touch. Hikari was right, he wasn't a pervert. The only reason I'm sure he's straight is because I can feel when he gets embarrassed about girls, he doesn't seem to notice boys at all. His reaction to the complete failure of a date Hikari set up was to make me a replacement dinner that was probably far better than what that disaster of a date would have gotten me. He hates piloting, but he does it anyway to protect people. To protect Rei. To protect me.

Asuka's thoughts about Shinji were interrupted when her attention was brought back to the other girls nattering.

"If either Soryu or Ayanami actually wants him, I hope they do enough to be worthy of having him."

'Why that little Scheißekopf. I am not worthy of him? How dare she.'

Except, a little nagging voice in the back of her head went, 'Maybe she's right'.

She tried to ignore it but she remembered Toji's words from the day before, "I don't think you're good enough for Shinji".

Fortunately for Kaede, by the time Asuka got back to class she was so lost in thought about what she'd overheard that she'd forgotten who had said what.