Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I am not making any money from this. Mistakes are mine.
Even the Pup is an Unmentionable by Debra8652
Chapter 41 (reference will be made to Chapter 8)
Remy's POV
I sat in on an Ops Planning meeting in the conference room this morning just for the fun of it. And maybe there were banana-oatmeal muffins. Ram is in charge of Ops Planning and Lester assists if he's available, which he was. Also attending were Mom, Tank, Hector, Hal, and Cal. Mom's Man joined us when he finished a phone call in his office.
Ram, henceforth to be known as Eric "Open Mouth, Insert Foot" Ramsey was using a whole lot of words to discuss the numerous contingency plans for the upcoming op. Even Mom's Man was having trouble keeping a straight face as Ram dug himself in deeper and deeper. Finally, my mom got exasperated and said "Ram, why don't you just save yourself some words and call it what it is - you're trying to mitigate the Plum Effect - that's what you guys call it, right?"
I daresay Ram looked a little sheepish and responded that he wasn't aware she knew that they called it the Plum Effect. Mom got even more exasperated and said "I AM the Plum Effect - how could I not know?" Note: My take on it is that if Mom's involved, you have Plans A through F firmly in place, but it turns out you really needed Plan R.
Mom's Man claimed that he heard his landline ringing in his office and excused himself. Well, I have excellent hearing and his phone wasn't ringing AND I could hear him laughing. Poor Ram.
So, this is a 3:00pm (aka 1500 hours) planned takedown of a guy who's accused of huge white collar crimes all up and down the Eastern seaboard. It was supposed to happen yesterday but it was raining so it will happen today since it involves pool time. Trenton PD doesn't have enough manpower to send officers undercover and Rangeman is much better at it anyway but Chief Juniak will be on hand to oversee handoff of the bad guy to the FBI when we succeed. Failure is not an option. The bad guy is staying at the Westin Princeton Hotel and traveling with two bodyguards who each take 12-hour shifts. We got this.
We've started calling ops like this "Rangeman Dinner Theater." The main actors are Mom and Caesar, reprising roles they performed when helping Dad Diesel catch a jewel thief at a fund-raising event where Caesar was a wealthy businessman who ignored his wife to concentrate on business. The bad guy has been spending his afternoons next to the Westin's outdoor pool and conducting business on an encrypted cell phone. Supporting actors are Binkie, Hal, Cal, Vince, Woody, Brett, Manny, Flash, and my dad! The entire Core Team plus Chief Juniak will be in the Comm van, which is disguised as a commercial laundry service van. Hector will be in the hotel but you will never see him - he's like smoke!
There is a second Rangeman van, which Hector disguised as a swimming pool service, parked on the grounds. There is a sign posted saying that the pool will close at 8:00pm tonight for maintenance. Hal, Cal, Vince, and Woody are in blue jumpsuits manning that van and sniper Binkie is in the back of the van. Manny and Flash are poolside waiters. Caesar will be in the fourth floor suite that Rangeman requested with sniper Brett hidden behind the patio door curtain. My dad will replace the Westin employee as the lifeguard on duty. Who knew that Rangeman didn't actually employ a certified lifeguard? Good thing my dad was available - he's got this. Not sure if Dad's carrying a weapon - I don't know where he could conceal it. And we have to keep hotel guests, both women and men, from throwing themselves into the pool and faking distress! Sheesh. Yeah, my dad is hot and just wait until hotel guests see Caesar, in his designer casual wear, arrive and make a poolside scene. This is definitely worth the price of admission to Rangeman Dinner Theater! And action!
The bad guy won't arrive for a little while but his bodyguard is scoping out the area from a poolside table across from where his boss normally sits. Mom just arrived, dressed in her gauzy swimsuit coverup, sun hat, and hoity toity attitude. Oh, and a Louis Vuitton bag with a baby Glock in it. Mom gives the bodyguard a wink and a little finger wave and calls Manny over and orders a drink for the bodyguard with her compliments. The bodyguard tries to decline the drink, saying that he is on duty but Manny assures him that it's only cranberry juice on the rocks. Plus a Mickey! Yep, Manny is smooth and micked him a Slippy - that's known as a Spoonerism and is named for British clergyman William Archibald Spooner! By the time Mr. White Collar Crime arrived, the bodyguard is still sitting at the table, but is sound asleep behind his mirrored sunglasses. Hector confirmed that the off-duty bodyguard is still asleep in their hotel suite. Let the games begin!
Mr. White Collar Crime gets a look at my mom's very long and tanned legs and the outline of her only somewhat modest bikini through the gauzy coverup and asks if he can join her. Mom says sure and glaringly points out her "husband" who is talking on his cell phone on their fourth floor balcony. She told her guest that she and hubby were supposed to be on holiday on the French Riviera but they are stuck in Trenton while he finalizes a business deal because the paperwork needs to be filed here. Manny arrives to take his drink order and the guy orders bottled water - on to Plan B as Plan A was to mick him a Slippy, also. He also asks for another drink for Mom. Manny brings the unopened bottled water and another rum and Diet Coke for Mom, hold the rum.
Then Mom starts lamenting about them closing the pool at 8pm tonight as she told him she's been sneaking down at midnight to skinny dip. Wow - Mr. White Collar Crime guy just snorted bottled water up his nose and a low growl emanated from the Comm van that sounded suspiciously like Mom's Man, according to the team members who are wearing ear pieces.
Mom starts laying it on thick and leans over the table to admire the gold medallion the guy is wearing on his overly exposed chest - ick. That gives him a good view of her cleavage, which cues the low growling from the Comm van again and also cues the jealous "hubby" on the fourth floor balcony. Caesar comes rushing onto the scene and tells Mom she needs to go up to their room and wait for him to be finished with his work. Mom goes all Jersey on him and demands to know why she needs to go upstairs when she can be sitting by the pool and enjoying the sunshine especially since it rained yesterday afternoon. He says he's a successful businessman and has an image to portray and that doesn't include her flirting and touching another man's chest. Mom ups her game to rhino mode and says that at least her guest pays attention to her and doesn't ignore her. Wow - Caesar has a rhino mode, also. He grabs her by the arm and pulls her out of her chair - just hard enough to make it look good - and tells her she's coming upstairs with him. Mr. White Collar Crime guy stands up and says that Mom doesn't want to go upstairs. Caesar gets Mom positioned behind him, tells the guy to mind his own business and shoves him into the pool. That's when all hell broke loose.
Dad Diesel jumped into the pool and subdued the floundering White Collar Crime guy and took a gun off him. Binkie and Brett have sniper rifles trained on him, Caesar pulled his Glock from the back of his waistband and Mom had her baby Glock pointed at him and the guys in the Comm van and swimming pool service van all rush the scene and pull their weapons. The FBI team leader used the bullhorn - showoff - and told him that he was surrounded. The other agents proceeded to pull him out of the pool and search him for weapons beyond the gun that Dad Diesel found. And the bodyguard is still snoring at his table and had to be carried away. After those two were restrained, the FBI agents went upstairs with Chief Juniak and arrested the second bodyguard. My friend Hector had been guarding the door to their suite to make sure he didn't wake up and try to escape.
The Westin lifeguard was still on the clock as a back-up lifeguard and didn't lose any wages but got a bonus anyway. Manny and Flash turned their tip money over to the wait staff they replaced plus a bonus to more than cover their hourly wages.
And the winner of the betting pool as to how many people would end up in the swimming pool is - drumroll - Raphael! Nobody guessed that only two people would end up in the pool - Raphael guessed four. No one else said less than six! We hope you've enjoyed this performance of Rangeman Dinner Theater.
A/N Your reviews are appreciated!