Thank you Sherlock, as always.
And thank you to everyone on Pa treon who voted for HHEX in the monthly guaranteed update poll. The illustration poll for the chapter should already be up for patrons by the time this update is published. If you're reading this on fanfiction dot net, hop on over to Spacebattles, Questionable Questing or check out the illustration archive on my discord.
IMPORTANT NOTE! this website specifically has been refusing to keep my formatting. I do not know when they will fix it. Most of the formatting in question is absent from this chapter. go read it on QQ or SB if you're like me and that puts you off.
Until next time!
X
The doorbell rang and Chifuyu sprung to get to the door. They were expecting guests, and quite frankly, she was a little nervous about it. And as with most things that made her nervous, she preferred to tackle this without too much hesitation.
When the door opened, no one was there.
Frowning, she stuck her head out the entrance and caught a delivery man offering a polite tip of his hat before getting back into his truck and taking off.
Looking down, she spotted a distinctively large gift hamper on their welcome mat.
Who the hell…
Hesitating only briefly, she picked it up and brought it in.
"Shirou!" She called out to her partner. She found him leaning over some papers strewn across their kitchen counter, having finished bringing down their suitcases from their bedroom. Once he looked up from whatever it was that he was doing, she dropped the supposed gift on the island. "Do you know what this is?"
With a confused frown, the man gave the package a once-over until he noticed a hand-written shipping tag secured to the basket by its twine. It was sent to them by an address in London.
Flipping the tag over, he found a short message.
"Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. I wish you both all the happiness in the world. XX, Luvia."
His fiancee got right up to the note and gave it a scrutinising glare.
"Who the hell's that?" she asked flatly.
His lips were pulled up into a warm smile.
"She's a friend," he revealed simply. "I guess Rin told her about the wedding, in the end."
The pair pulled the string keeping the contents of the basket bundled up. Now presented to them was an assortment of goods that was maybe just a little over the top. Expensive designer scents, caviar, teas, truffles, champagne, wine, cheeses, crystal glasses—how did that not break on the way here?
Chifuyu gave her man an unimpressed side-eye.
"That's one hell of a friend you've got there."
He could only chuckle sheepishly.
"Luvia's eccentric," he tried to explain.
"And rich."
"And rich," he agreed.
The woman let out an amused snort then rounded the counter and leaned her shoulder against his.
"What were you working on?" she asked curiously, looking down at the papers. He shuffled out of the way just enough for her to get a better look.
Ah.
It was his family register. The only other name was his father's; there was a note remarking the adoption of one Emiya Shirou in a footnote.
So this was why he was in a bit of a mood today.
In Japan, one person had to take the family name of their spouse; it was the law. Back when they first got engaged, it was understood on grounds of common sense and an absolute lack of other outcomes that she would either take his name or he'd take hers.
She was pretty shocked to hear he'd prefer the latter, however. At least at first.
Her husband's name meant a lot to him. Not only was it the name of a man that he greatly respected, it was also a name that he had spent his entire life trying to live up to.
Her name? She made it the fuck up. "Orimura" existed for no reason beyond legal obligation and maybe convenience.
One was clearly the weightier name of the two but she understood why he wanted things to be this way. She respected Shirou too much to let her last nagging, sliver of guilt get in the way of that decision.
Still…
"It's not too late to change your mind, you know," she reminded him softly, wrapping her arm around his waist from behind.
He placed his hands on hers.
"It's okay," he assured her. "When I decided that I was going to marry you, I made a choice. I made the choice to see this through till the end; I made the choice to put aside my father's dream for one that I've discovered for myself. This, too, is a result of that."
The arm around him tightened a little.
"Your father's dream isn't dead," she murmured.
His smile brightened.
"I know."
For the second time that morning, the doorbell rang.
"That must be them," he remarked. Noticeably, he was the one to make the first effort to answer the door this time; Chifuyu followed his lead.
The door opened.
"Shirou! And–oh! Chifuyu! Oh gosh it's so lovely to see you again."
Chifuyu didn't have to register what was going on before a woman with short-cropped brown hair jumped from squeezing the life out of Shirou to squeezing the life out of her. Sturdy as she was, Chifuyu wheezed a little.
"O-oh. Yes."
"Thank you for having us, Emiya—if I can still call you that."
"Of course, Issei. I see you've taken to monkhood well."
While Fujimura Taiga was preoccupied with the bride, a man who Chifuyu did not recognise was offering his greetings to her soon-to-be husband. He was really monk-looking, if that was a way to describe someone who was apparently a monk for real: the shaved head and spectacles really pulled the look together.
This was Ryuudou Issei, then.
Chifuyu then looked down at his arms where a very conspicuous newborn was being held. "Her kid, not mine," the monk felt the need to clarify.
"I know. We've met before."
The monk gave her an appraising once-over before he offered his spare hand for her to shake. "My name is Ryuudou Issei. It's a pleasure, Orimura-san. Shirou speaks very highly of you. I'm sure you'll adapt to homemaking in no time."
"R-right." Chifuyu blinked.
Taiga swept the child out of the Monk's arms.
"Careful! Don't drop my baby girl," the older woman chided him, nuzzling her cheek against her child's.
"I wasn't going to," the monk grumbled.
"My husband couldn't make it, unfortunately, so Issei agreed to help me look after Alex," Taiga provided helpfully.
"I don't see why she had to tag along," muttered Issei with all the pep and cheer in the world, wiping Alex's drool away from his arm, "we're all heading back to Fuyuki afterwards anyway for the reception."
"And have my daughter miss Shirou's wedding?" Taiga bobbed in place, shaking a dozing Alex gently. "We couldn't have that now, could we?"
Clueing in on the fact that they were being held at the door, Shirou took a step back.
"Come on in, both of you," he prompted them. "There's still time before we need to head out; why don't I get us some tea? Luvia sent some over—between you and me, I don't think we'll be budgeting for a refill once we've gotten through it."
The guests chuckled and did just that. The moment they stepped through the door, however, Taiga dropped Alex back into Issei's arms.
"Wha—"
"Issei! Why don't you get to know Chifuyu a little better? Have a chat! I'll go help with the tea."
Shirou and his fiancée gave her a strange look.
"It's fine, really," the redhead assured her. "I can get it sorted. Why don't you have a seat?"
She wanted none of it. With a hand on the back, she pushed him toward the kitchen. Issei and Chifuyu could only deposit themselves on the seats in the living room area with resigned sighs.
The monk spoke first.
"I must say, my profession doesn't give me many opportunities to delve into topics like this, but I'll do my best." Issei said slowly, before pushing his glasses further up his nose. "I've heard that a strong sexual chemistry is important for newlywed couples."
Chifuyu blinked rapidly, before giving a sheepish Shirou a dumbfounded look.
"... Is it, now."
"Yes." If Issei took any notice of her suddenly frosty tone, he made no notice of it and pushed bravely forward. "And on that note, are you and Shirou planning to have any children in the future?"
Issei's ice breakers were as fantastic as ever. Poor Chifuyu.
Taiga stared at the pair in amusement while she waited for Shirou to turn the kettle on. Once he'd started spooning a tin of Mariage Frères' Lapsang into a teapot, only then did she speak up.
"I can't believe it." She murmured. "My Shirou's getting married."
Shirou snorted. "Between the two of us, I think it's your marriage that defies belief."
"What?" Taiga crossed her arms, grinning widely. "You didn't think your big sister could get married one day?"
He grimaced. "Well not to a Lord. And certainly not to someone I'd previously known as Great Big Ben London Star."
"Come off it." Taiga good-naturedly gave him a nougie to the side of his ribs. "Sure, to you and wherever he works in England, he's this great, big, special figure, but to me he's just an ordinary guy."
Shirou gave her a sharp look. "Really? Ordinary?"
"Yeah. An ordinary guy who was willing to listen to me and drink with me, when I was sad. An ordinary guy who plays too many video games and smokes too much." Taiga smiled sheepishly. "An ordinary guy I love. Don't you feel the same about Chifuyu?"
Shirou blinked, giving it some thought in his head.
He did understand.
At some point, he'd stopped seeing his fiancée as this embodiment of all he wanted to achieve, and just as someone else he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
"Yeah." He smiled. "I guess so."
The kettle clicked off, and he poured the bubbling water into the waiting teapot.
"Shirou."
He looked up. "Hm?"
Taiga smiled.
"I'm proud of you."
Shirou paused.
All at once, a great wave of warmth and emotion threatened to overwhelm every fibre of his being. For the lack of anything better to do, he set the kettle down gently, ignoring the way his eyes stung and lips wobbled all of a sudden.
When was the last time he'd heard those words?
The two of them merely stood there, watching the tea steep and swirl and fall gently down the pot for a while.
"... must say, I had my concerns given Emiya's past infatuations with that devil of a woman," Issei's voice could be heard, "but you really are the genuine article, aren't you? Emiya has chosen wisely. You are a credit to women everywhere."
Shirou winced.
Sorry, Chifuyu. I promise he's a good guy.
"We'd better get going before Chifuyu does something regrettable." He muttered, sotto voce.
"Of course. But Shirou, just one thing," she asked, hand tugging his sleeve, "after everything… Are you happy?"
The question was pretty out of left field, Shirou thought. It definitely caught him off guard, his eyes widening ever so slightly.
Before answering, he looked over to the other end of the room where he saw the side profile of the woman he was about to marry, visibly tensed and maybe a little fed up with having to put up with Issei's Issei-isms with no forewarning.
"Yeah." Shirou answered simply but honestly. "I'm happy."
X
X
"...should have you all hanged by your ankles… your knees won't… cleaning them all with toothbrushes!"
Ichika groaned, roused from his mysterious slumber from what sounded like a pretty long-winded nagging. His brain wasn't all there yet so there was a little bit of difficulty on his end trying to figure out what was being said. Or by who. Or to whom. Or why.
"Wha-huh?"
His groggy announcement of wakefulness alerted the others to his presence. Before he knew what was going on, an arm—was that Houki?—yanked him off the ground and sat him upright on his knees.
"Better yet, you'll be carrying potted plants by the ears! Maybe they'll replace all the oxygen you waste every day!"
Was that… Chifuyu-nee?
He finally snapped back to reality.
Houki looked shell-shocked, sitting seiza right next to him. Matter of fact, all the girls were here looking scared and bashful in equal measure.
Before them stood his sister, outfit proper, as she glared down at them and gave them a tongue-lashing of a lifetime.
Next to her, standing a little awkwardly, was…
Was…
Her husband. That existed.
"Come on, Chifuyu, the kids made a mistake, is all," the older man tried to argue with a friendly smile in an attempt to lessen his wife's ire. "I'm sure they've learned from this. Just let it go."
"You—!" she cut herself off and sighed violently. Pacing back and forth for a moment, she chose to crack open a can of beer and down the whole thing. It was swiftly crushed and slapped down on a nearby table where the dried husks of a few more alcoholic beverages met a similar fate.
Ichika's mouth was agape. He had never seen Chifuyu give up that quickly before.
Her husband noticed that he was awake now; before Ichika could prepare himself, the large man joined them on his knees, facing them, and bowed politely.
"I'm sorry things happened the way that they did, Ichika; this is long overdue and I wish the circumstances were a little different. Nonetheless, it's nice to finally meet you. I'm Shirou: your brother in law." After a moment of silence, the redhead scratched his cheek with a smile that was equally sheepish as it was welcoming. "I hope we can get to know each other better."
The other girls stared at the man for a moment, then with equally-blank stares, they turned to Ichika.
This was where he was supposed to say something.
He tried. Really! He did. But no words came out. At least, not at first.
The boy's emotions were all over the place. Strangely enough, the immediate sentiment that shot through him was relief: his sister wasn't crazy. She was actually married, she went home to a real person every night and he really did bake cookies.
Then came the regret. The shame.
He thought none of this was real. He said no when his sister asked him to come to her wedding. When she asked him to meet the man that she married.
Was that why she was so bitter all the time? Why she barely had any patience for him? She was his only family as he was her's. For the longest time, they only had each other. Starting a family with someone… that must have been a monumental occasion to Chifuyu.
How must he have seemed from her perspective?
A stuck-up younger brother that refused to grow up. That refused to see his sister move on from her life of being his caretaker. He denied her happiness and refused to be part of it because she supposedly chose the man that she married over the boy that she sacrificed her own childhood to raise.
He was horrible.
And then he remembered that this guy was balls deep in his sister just now and that was how he met him. The other stuff was put aside for the moment because he was too busy coping with the abject horror birthed by the mere—no! No birthing. He didn't mean birthing.
Thankfully, he didn't have to pipe up just yet. The girls were more than happy to take over.
"Meine Lehrerin is… is…" Laura couldn't finish her sentence.
"She really does have a husband!" exclaimed Cecilia in a tone that could have been conceived as a whisper were it not really really loud.
Since earlier, Rin's eyes were totally locked onto the older man; she clearly recognized him.
"You… it's really you! You have a wife and everything!"
He grinned.
"Told you! I'm married."
There was a story there that Ichika wasn't privy to. Did they meet somewhere before?
"Excuse me?" the she-demon that was Chifuyu muttered dangerously, popping up behind Shirou. Even that guy jumped a little.
"It was a chance meeting at a restaurant!" he assured her. "She just reminded me of Tohsaka a little."
Tohsaka?
Either way, she accepted the explanation with a tipsy, indecipherable mumble before dropping down on her rear right next to him. "Tohsaka…? Nothin' like her."
Seeing Chifuyu cooled off a little, Ichika thought that it would be a good opportunity to at least try to get some answers out of her. It wasn't like she was completely innocent in all of this!
"You said it was a fake wedding!" The younger brother accused, pointing an accusatory finger at her.
The girls leaned in as the proverbial plot thickened. The supposed married couple shared a look that lacked any form of understanding.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Chifuyu assured him, her annoyed frown more pronounced.
"Back when you told me you were getting married in the first place!" It couldn't be that hard to jog her memory, right? It was a pretty big moment. "You said it wasn't really a wedding."
Still blank-faced for a moment longer, realisation suddenly struck her. Her eyes shot wide-open. She reddened in frustration.
"Ichika, you utter—I meant there wasn't a wedding ceremony! It was just a courthouse thing!"
Her words smacked him like a bat shattering a pane of glass.
"I—I—"
"Come to think of it," her eyes narrowed, "if you didn't think the wedding was real, what the fuck did you think was going on all this time?"
Ichika paled.
Oh fuck.
"Nothing, nothing!" He waved his arms, racking his brains, "I guess… I guess I thought you were still just in the dating stages… or something."
Chifuyu looked unimpressed.
The five girls next to him had a variety of expressions on their faces, ranging from incredulity to bemusement. Understandable, given what he'd told them. He hoped that they could keep schtum on that at least. He'd use his pocket money and bring them all to Disneyland one day, if that's what it takes.
Charl looked to her left, then to her right, and quickly realised that there was an opportunity to not make a complete ass of herself like everyone else was apparently doing.
"M-my name is Charlotte Dunois, Sir! It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."
The man blinked.
"Charlotte, hm?" Shirou smiled wryly. "I suppose that makes more sense."
What that meant, no one knew.
It didn't take long for the rest of them to catch on. It was like a light bulb turned on in their respective heads.
"I'm Shinonono Houki."
"… Laura Bodewig."
The Englishwoman stuck her chest out proudly.
"I'm Cecilia Alcott! It's a pleasure to meet one who will one day be an in-law."
Both Ichika and Shirou blinked owlishly at such a bold proclamation. Unfortunately…
"Huh!?"
"Waddaya mean 'in-law'? You? Get real!"
"I'll be the one to marry Ichika!"
"Stay away from my bride!"
At this point, Ichika had seen this schtick play out a thousand times over. He was barely phased. More than anything, looking at the way that his new-found brother-in-law watched it all happen with a blank look of pure incomprehension just made him feel deeply embarrassed.
I'm sorry, brother-in-law.
CRUSH!
The bickering was cut short. All eyes were on the beer can in Chifuyu's hand—or rather, the way that it was crushed into a disk, allowing its contents to splatter on the floor and trickle down her arm.
"Enough," Chifuyu muttered. She hadn't raised her voice, but the deafening silence allowed her to be very heard. "Just… enough. I'm tired of you idiots. I can't stop you from being the way that you are, apparently, but at least have some self-awareness. Pretend to have something between your ears that isn't a nose. Just for a little while. Is that so hard?"
Ichika recoiled a little. Wow. That was some, uh… tough love? Could it even be called that? They were still her students!
Shirou firmly placed a hand atop his wife's shoulders calmingly. Whether it had the intended effect, Ichika didn't know, but she stopped her rant for now, at least.
"That's too much. They didn't mean any harm by it!" He chided her gently. "These girls clearly have a… strong relationship with your brother. It would be better for everyone if we got along, right?"
Shirou was still smiling. Was this guy a saint or something?
She grabbed his wrist, pulled his hand to the side and furrowed her brow incredulously.
"Are you insane?" She gritted her teeth. "Can you imagine if one of them somehow managed to become my in-law? I don't want that! We've got enough nutcases in the family already!"
In unison, the girls acted like a big, rusty nail was smacked into their chests. Their eyes glazed over and they needed to physically keep themselves upright.
Ichika's mouth fell open in shock.
Emotional damage!
Shirou's chuckle was more strained than it was before.
"... I don't think we'd have a say if it ever came to that, you know."
The girls' moods didn't suddenly recover or anything, but some life returned to their eyes, at least.
"Gimme another beer…" his sister grumbled. She didn't even get up to get one; she just stared down at the ruined can mournfully.
Yeah, she had a little too much to drink, he thought. Ichika had to take control here or else something would be said that the others really wouldn't be able to recover from.
"So! Uh, Shirou…san," he started, trying not to stare too much. How much did this guy weigh? When the man's attention was brought to him, he nearly lost his nerve but pushed through. "What do you do for a living?"
Was that a bad icebreaker? Too out-of-nowhere? He hoped not.
The older man seemed to give the answer some thought for a moment. He tapped his chin and hummed.
"Well, I'm a househusband."
Ichika blinked. "E-eh?"
"Yeah. I do some freelance mechanic and repair work for the neighbourhood sometimes but mostly I concern myself with cooking, cleaning… making sure that there's a good home and a hot meal for Chifuyu to come back to every day, that there's one less thing to worry about."
Seriously?
The other girls looked caught by surprise as well. With a frame like his… was he just a hobbyist bodybuilder? Reconciling muscles like those with "househusband" just didn't compute.
Houki's attention was piqued.
"Ah, right. Now that you mention it, Miss Orimura isn't at the dorms that often."
"So Orimura-sensei went back home every night…" Charlotte realised.
"She had a husband to return to," Rin whispered to herself.
"I still don't accept this!" Laura growled. It seemed that the S.S. Bodewig had finally left the service bay and was sailing freely once again. "Such a… Such a… regular man! Why would Instructor Orimura court someone like that!?"
Regular!? This guy was built like a truck! Seriously!
"Laura, let's not start another fight," he pleaded, though he shyly turned to his sister, expression awkward. "But Chifuyu-nee, on that note… I sort of want to know too?"
Now, Chifuyu was the one who wanted to bolt. The sense of being put on the spot, of being embarrassed, returned.
"... Because he doesn't ask stupid questions like that one!" Chifuyu snapped back immediately, waving the can defensively. "Because he doesn't ask me stupid shit like whether I'd love him if he was a worm–"
"Now, now," Shirou physically pulled his wife toward him and laughed disarmingly, "it's a valid question. You don't have to force yourself, but I think it's fine for Ichika to be curious, isn't it?"
The other girls stared at the couple expectantly.
Chifuyu sullenly glared at the tatami mat in front of her for a while, as if in deep thought.
"Shirou," she said slowly, "is a man who knows how to take care of himself. Even still, he wants to take care of me. I guess that's the long and short of it."
"Eh?" escaped Cecilia's lips. "That's it?"
Ichika's head whipped her way and shot the blonde and agonised look. Did these people have to keep instigating?
Luckily for all of them, Chifuyu had passed the confrontational drunk phase. Her face, still beet-red, was turned downward to look at her thumbs as she twiddled them.
"Saying 'I love everything about him' isn't a very helpful answer, is it?"
Something about the way she said it resonated with the girls' teenage predilections. From the way they practically swooned at his sister's childish and cringe-worthy description of her attraction to her husband, one would think that they were watching a shojo romcom.
Ah. Chifuyu's husband was actually pretty sober, comparatively. He could only do his best to hide his unfortunately-prominent blush of embarrassment with a straight face as his wife clung to him like an intoxicated sloth.
"Besides!" Chifuyu kept going. "My husband is a total catch! Do you have any idea how often women pine after him!?"
Shirou choked on something.
"Chifuyu, we don't have to—"
"All the time!" she kept going. "There must've been at least half a dozen women chasing his tail when we met. You think it's any better now!?"
A mortified Ichika buried his face in his hands.
Please stop bragging about your husband to a bunch of high school girls, Chifuyu-nee.
The school girls ate it right up, unfortunately.
"Wha—"
"How did you win!?"
Did they forget all the nasty things she said to them like five seconds ago?
"Win?" Shirou muttered to himself under his breath, seemingly just as lost as he was. Ichika really felt bad that the man had to deal with his classmates and drunk sister all at once like this.
Throwing him a bone and doing his best to make everyone forget the direction that the conversation was taking, he asked, "So how did you and Chifuyu meet?"
The redhead jumped on the opportunity right away. His eyes brightened.
"Oh! We met in Germany, actually.
"Germany?" Laura repeated, sitting up straighter. "Why were you in Germany?"
"Yeah, Shirou." Chifuyu snorted, nudging him. "Why were you in Germany?"
Shirou blinked, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.
"Well after leaving college in England due to a variety of circumstances, I was doing some soul-searching across Europe. Just roaming, never staying long… longest I ever stayed in one place was a year and a half in Rome, but that didn't lead to anything."
He smiled. "Chifuyu and I ran into each other by chance and we got to know each other pretty well, I think." Shirou scratched his cheek. "She left a strong impression on me, and I guess I must have done the same, and we decided to stay in touch. Her posting was done, and I was also called back to Japan… We continued to keep in touch and meet up when the both of us were free. Eventually,things happened as they did—" the quick glance that he gave Houki was undecipherable. She probably didn't even see it. "—one thing led to another, and I ended up marrying her. That's about it, I guess."
Ichika's expression eased up a little. The others weren't throwing strange questions around anymore. At least for now.
"Sounds like a pretty incomplete story," he accused good-naturedly.
Shirou could only laugh at that.
"Yeah! I guess so. It's getting pretty late now, isn't it? Maybe some other time—hm?"
His wife tapped him on the shoulder.
"Shirou," she practically slurred. "Go take Ichika back to his room and make sure he stays there this time, 'kay?"
Ichika's posture shifted in discomfort.
"I know how to get back to my—"
"Go."
"Okay."
With an exasperated sigh, Shirou rose to his feet and shot his brother-in-law and apologetic smile. It was an excuse to get away from this, at least. He silently and obediently followed the older man out the door.
"Ah. Good night, Ichika dearest!"
"Sleep well, Ichika."
"Good Night!"
"Good night."
"Night."
The girls offered their hasty parting well-wishes; he sheepishly waved at them all before the door closed.
Chifuyu scoffed. It was only then that the girls realised that they were now alone with their very prickly, very upset and not very sober teacher. An expression of reticence crossed most of them.
Houki looked around the room nervously.
"So, should we—"
"Stick around for a moment."
"Oh."
They did as they were told.
She got up and the five of them flinched but she just went and grabbed another beer from the fridge.
"Help yourself to the minibar," the woman told them. "There's chocolate, pretzels… half a melon, apparently…"
"You're not… angry anymore?" Lingyin tried.
"Oh, I am. I'm so livid I'm liable to start sweating spinal fluid any moment now," she decreed, "but I'm not punishing you yet. That comes later. When I think of something fitting."
The girls winced.
A new can cracked open.
"So!" Chifuyu took a sip, more conservative than the swigs she was taking before. "Why do you kids like my idiot brother anyway?"
They look stumped. None of them expected that kind of question from the woman.
"Look, far be it for me to give a shit about the ongoing…" she gestured vaguely, "whatever this is, but just because he's the only guy at school doesn't mean he's your only option, you know." She pointed at them, can in hand, doing her best not to spill its contents again. "Hell! My husband has nothing to do with IS, basically. I met him doing… something else. There's an entire world outside of school!"
Lingyin looked troubled. "… but I knew him before all this."
"I knew him even earlier." Houki murmured.
"So?" Chifuyu snorted, cutting Lingyin's glare short. "It's not like he's the only guy you've ever met. We're living in a pretty diverse world, despite what the academy has you thinking."
No one came up with an answer before she sighed.
"Never mind," Chifuyu mumbled. "It's a little difficult for people your age to think beyond school when it's basically your whole life right now. You'll learn to take relationships more seriously when you're older."
Most of them visibly took offence to that, but Cecilia was the one who decided to be outspoken about it. She got up on her feet and glared defiantly at their teacher.
"I am taking it seriously!" she insisted.
"Oh really?"
"Yes!"
"Then tell him how you feel."
Again, stumped by such a simple remark. Cecilia dropped down on the ground, cross-legged.
"There's no way I can do that," Houki remarked, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "What if he rejects me? I can't risk ruining things."
Chifuyu looked down at them coldly, beer touching her lips.
"Then suffer."
The ultimatum echoed through the tin can, but it did nothing to warp the bluntness of the message.
The smallest amount of sympathy flowing through her, Chifuyu clicked her tongue and threw them a bone.
"I speak from experience. If you care, you have to be direct. That's just the way that it is with men."
A tentative hand was raised. The woman raised a brow at Charlotte who couldn't quite look her in the eye.
"Ma'am?"
"Yes?"
"Well, uhm. For my own reference, purely for the sake of anecdotal reference, just so I know if there's a chance, no offence intended—'
"Spit it out."
Charlotte Dunois twiddled her thumbs.
"... Could it be that Shirou is a bit of an idiot too, maybe?"
Chifuyu's expression dropped as the other girls suddenly found it in their spirit to bombard her with asinine questions of their own.
The sympathy flowing through her dwindled to nothing.
X
As they walked down the hallway, Ichika couldn't help but take surreptitious glances at Shirou. The man did such a good job of appearing completely unphased, his pleasant expression unyielding. It was like none of that other stuff just happened.
Like he had no questions flowing through his mind whereas Ichika felt like he'd have trouble counting all of the ones flowing through his.
A snort escaped the man; Ichika almost jumped.
"Chifuyu probably sent us off so that we can talk a little one-on-one. It's a little easier when it's just us guys, right?"
Ichika's eyes widened for a moment. Was that what she was trying to do? He figured she was just belligerently drunk to the point of irresponsibility considering she was supposed to be the trip supervisor.
Still, maybe there was some truth to that. He had been surrounded by women non stop since coming to IS Academy. It was really… lonely in a way that he couldn't really put into words until now.
"Okay," Ichika muttered.
Honestly, he was a bit shy about the whole thing.
Shirou nudged his shoulder. It wasn't that hard, but it was enough to remind him how big this guy was.
"You have something on your mind, right? I'm all ears."
Ichika was wide-eyed for a moment then grew contemplative.
Was it that easy to tell? Since he asked…
"Honestly, this whole thing still feels pretty weird," the boy admitted, then quickly elaborated before it could be thought that he was talking about something else completely. "That my sister is married, I mean. Or has been, I guess."
Shirou nodded.
"Mm. I get it."
"You…do?"
The older man's eyes crinkled as he turned his head to look at the boy. They conveyed a great warmth that Ichika hadn't really ever been subjected to before now. It felt kind of strange.
"I didn't think to mention it earlier, with everyone, but back when I was in Europe, I was called back to Japan all of a sudden with the news that my elder sister was pregnant."
Ichika blinked rapidly, before he started.
"Pregnant?"
"Yes." Shirou chuckled. "And I didn't even know she was seeing anyone, so it was quite the nasty shock. My sister, who tried to look after me the best she could after my father died, was suddenly about to be a mother. And a wife. It definitely took some time wrapping my head around it."
The two of them passed by the gardens, the stars above them glittering brightly.
"I guess it's similar, in your case. Chifuyu looked after you since you were both kids. She practically raised you, right?" Shirou asked, looking for confirmation. At the younger one's nod, he continued, "She had to be a sister and a parent; that's not easy, you know. Her sense of responsibility, her values, her goals in life… they were all framed by that dynamic. I'm sure it's the same way for you, right? Having to see her both as a sister and a guardian?"
Ichika opened his mouth to say something but forced himself to think about it for a second. He never thought of it that way before, honestly.
"I… yeah, I guess so." The boy stared down at the palm of his hand; there were some serious callouses starting to form where there was once skin as smooth as a baby's bottom.
"Is it childish for me to say that I feel replaced, a bit? I…I always wanted to pay her back. For everything! Cleaning the house, cooking our meals, helping with the chores…but more than that, I wanted to get stronger. So that I could be the one looking out for her one day. Like she has for me."
That was a pretty bad way to kick things off with an in-law, huh? Telling them that you're jealous of them. Hah!
"Yeah, I get it. I used to be like that too, ya know?"
Ichika's head, dropped sullenly, whipped up to give Shirou a surprised look.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously," Shirou was more than happy to repeat. "It was like that for me and my dad. He adopted me when I was already a little older. Six or seven, maybe? It took me a long time to realise that the people that raise you don't do it expecting you to return the favour down the line. They just want what's best for you." The man's gaze flitted from the engawa to the starry skies, deeply contemplative. "Maybe it'll be easier, since your sister's still here, but I'm still trying my best to accept it, even now."
It was difficult for Ichika to come to terms with that opinion, unfortunately. Chifuyu was… never someone who expressed love very openly. At least not with him. She was cold. Distant. It always felt like him trying to pay her back for everything was in equal parts a bid for her affection in the first place.
Nonetheless, he admired her. Looked up to her. Maybe he was a little misguided, but since he was little, she was the epitome of what a woman—anyone, even—should be like.
"...Then why does Chifuyu love you?" the boy asked meekly.
Not even Ichika knew where that question came from. Nowhere mean spirited, he hoped.
Shirou was taken aback as well. An answer didn't come to him right away.
"Ah, well…" Even a guy like that could get flustered. He needed a moment to find his words. "More than me doing anything to try to make her fall for me, I guess… I just wanted her in my life in whichever way she allowed. It wasn't about romance at first, you know?" A wistful smirk crossed his lips. "I had my own dreams and ambitions. She had hers. Romance was never an easy thing to pursue for either one of us. As I got to know her… I realised that she wasn't perfect. There were things that she needed help with. That she couldn't do on her own. So I made a choice."
Ichika grew pensive.
You sacrificed your ambitions.
"I decided to be greedy. Just this once," Shirou finished.
The boy was stumped. What did he mean by that?
They had reached their destination.
"Thanks, Shirou," Ichika spoke honestly. He bowed politely to the man. "It was… really nice to meet you. Honestly."
He was being honest about that. There was a lot of work to do between them and Chifuyu, but family matters would always be his first priority. He'd be sure to make this right.
He was given a friendly pat on the shoulder. Before his brother-in-law left, he offered him a parting word of advice.
"It's easy to be attracted to people, Ichika. With all the girls practically throwing themselves at you, I'm sure you know that very well."
The kid made a complicated face.
"That's—"
"But love and attraction are two different things. I make the choice to love my wife every day, and it's not a choice that I regret."
One last friendly smile, and he left. Ichika was left alone to contemplate the man's words.
X
X
"We don't need to do this, Taiga. Legally. This is Japan—how did you even make this happen? Did you drag Waver into it?"
The woman in question made a face at her surrogate little brother's Debbie Downer-ness. Shirou saw the earful that he was about to get before it happened.
"Of course you need to do this! You're getting married! This isn't a 'we can just do it next time' sort of thing, you little bugger!"
"Yours was." He felt the need to point out.
"And I resolved to NEVER let that happen to you when the time comes." Taiga shook a fist. "It was so boring! Where's the celebration? The happy bits?"
The man looked over to the side and gave Chifuyu, his already-legally-now-wife, a flat look that she returned. Their shared sentiment at the moment was to simply indulge the woman; it wasn't any skin off their back.
The papers were signed, the seal was stamped; by all intents and purposes, they were married. Taiga, however, insisted that they made a deal of it, if only a "simple courthouse thing" as she called it. She had already made the appointment through means that were beyond him.
So here they were. Shirou, in a well-tailored but fairly neutral suit, and Chifuyu, wearing an elegant white dress that was closer to something one would wear to a cocktail bar than their own wedding.
The courthouse itself was a pretty standard one. A few dreary benches, an unassuming TV on one of the walls… The judge, looking tired and barely trying to hide it, got them into position while ignoring the pout that Taiga was levelling his way. Just because you wanted such a dreary thing to be special didn't mean that the poor man had to act that way too, Fuji-nee.
With one final look to his sister, Alex sleeping soundly in her arm, and Issei, who gave him an encouraging nod, he turned back to Chifuyu.
They both blushed.
Actually, standing here like this… it was pretty embarrassing, wasn't it?
"You've picked the short vows, is that right?" The judge asked, deeply bored.
"Yes."
"And you have your witnesses?"
"Yes."
"Uhm," Shirou kept his eyes down at his feet for a moment. He told himself that he was just making sure that his shoes were still in good shape. "We don't have rings."
"Sure, sure," the judge muttered, clearly unable to care any less. And so he began. "We are gathered here today to witness the formal joining in the legal state of matrimony of this couple, under the authority given and provided by…"
As he went on, all they could do was keep their eyes on each other. The sooner this little performance was over, the better, if only to satisfy Taiga's bizarre need to recapture some of her missed opportunities.
"Both of you understand that marriage is not to be entered upon thoughtlessly, or irresponsibly, but with a due and serious understanding and appreciation of the ends for which it is contracted."
Chifuyu liked to say that he barely thought about it at all. But he understood. After everything, he knew just what all of this meant.
"Do you, Emiya Shirou, take Orimura Chifuyu to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, so long as you both shall live?"
Despite the fact he knew they were technically already married, with each word and promise a curious sense of butterflies began fluttering in his belly. Shirou soaked in the sight of his beautiful no-nonsense wife wearing her beautiful no-nonsense dress and the way that her ever-present glare softened into something more open. More vulnerable.
He smiled.
"I do."
Chifuyu flushed, even as she gave him a soft smile in return. Behind them, he could've sworn he heard a little sniffle.
Immune to all of this emotion before him, the judge moved on.
"Do you, Orimura Chifuyu, take Emiya Shirou, to have and to hold, from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, so long as you both shall live?"
It was clear that the impromptu ceremony was starting to get to her too, and she took some time to collect herself, taking a deep breath whilst he waited.
"I—"
"CHIIIIIIIIII-CHAN!"
Oh no.
All eyes snapped to the TV on the wall, barring Chifuyu who merely sighed and brought a hand over her eyes.
"Hello, Tabane."
Covering its entire display was the face of a very upset-looking woman with robotic bunny ears of all things strapped to her head. Tears were welling up in her eyes.
Shirou's throat dried up.
This… was Shinonono Tabane, wasn't it?
It had to be, and yet… surely not. It couldn't be.
He had never met her before, but her reputation definitely preceded her. There was a lot that he expected from the most dangerous woman in the world. The super-genius that shook the World Order. The supposed friend of the woman that he was about to marry.
And here she was in front of them having a tantrum on the TV.
"Don't 'Hello Tabane' me! I can't believe this! I thought we were friends! We're friends, aren't we!? After everything we've been through together… you don't even tell me you're getting married? Or invite me! That second part is way way worse! And to him! To this guy!"
Shinonono Tabane's…TV volume wasn't very well regulated. Startled awake by the loud noise, Alex started crying, forcing Taiga to leave the room with her kid—she made sure to glare at the TV as she did, though.
Issei started muttering some sort of prayer, probably wishing for the woman to just go away.
Shirou, frozen and blank-faced, really wanted her to go away too.
This was not what he had in mind. She really was crazy, but…
Hey. She was interrupting the marriage ceremony, wasn't she? He told Taiga that it didn't matter but they were here now! Buzz off, damn it!
"Tabane," Chifuyu managed to grind out through clenched teeth, "It's nothing personal. I promise. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd cause a—"
"I object! I objeeeect! I don't care if it's too late! Stop talking! Go home!"
"Isn't she that wanted terrorist?" The judge mumbled to himself in utter confusion.
"Go—I'm a FUGITIVE thank you very much! Chii-chan, you wuv me, right? If you really loved me then you'd call this off and we can have a nice chat and…"
No one was really paying attention to her at this point.
"Anyone willing to deal with this?" The judge drawled.
Without so much as a word, a stone-faced Shirou marched right up to the screen. Somehow able to see what was happening, Tabane's eyes widened like saucers.
"Wait! No! Stay away, Homewrecker! NOOOOOO—"
The TV was unplugged.