FOREWORD

I have something of an ambivalent relationship with the HoYoVerse games. So at first, I didn't really get into Zenless Zone Zero. It wasn't until I realised playing Genshin Impact had palled for me (ironic considering Natlan just got released as of writing this) that I decided to give it a go.

I have to admit, I feel very ambivalent about this game. The story is taking a bit of an effort to hook me in, a number of characters (as is often the case with HoYoVerse games, especially at the beginning) annoy me, and the Gainaxing is ridiculous. On the other hand, the different style of the game is a brave departure, the two main characters Belle and Wise are genuinely interesting and well-written compared to the Traveller and the Trailblazer, and some characters have grown on me.

While I am yet to encounter them in-game yet, I'm already aware, thanks in part to Dis Lexic, of the Victoria Housekeeping group of mercenaries, mercenaries who are dressed like Victorian/Edwardian-era servants, but each having a horror theme. Von Lycaon is a werewolf, Corin is basically a moe Frankenstein's Monster, Rina is a ghost, and Ellen Joe is basically what happens when you take the shark from Jaws and make it into a moe, sardonic schoolgirl.

Thus, I thought I'd write a brief crossover, a oneshot, where Harry was part of this group. Hopefully, you will enjoy this. And hopefully, while this is the first Potterverse crossover with this game, it won't be the last...

Incidentally, the title means 'monstrous' in Ancient Greek. Fitting for everyone's favourite Monster Mash Mercenaries, no?

Anyway, time for the usual disclaimers. First, there will be spoilers, as well as quite a bit of language and violence.

Finally, the following is a fan-based work. Harry Potter and Zenless Zone Zero are the properties of their respective owners. Please support the official release. Otherwise, you'll be lost in a Hollow and turned into an Ethereal...

ÁPLATOS

In the city of New Eridu, there were many mercenary organisations that skirted the edge of the law. Then again, in a world ravaged by Hollows, warped regions in space that could mutate those who lingered too long within them, mercenaries were needed to do work within the Hollows. And there were plenty of those within New Eridu. Yet one of the more…quirky ones was the Victoria Housekeeping company.

At the behest of their mysterious proprietor, this group of mercenaries did chores ranging from protection details to bounty hunting, and slaying the Ethereals, monstrous beings that lurked within the Hollows. Of course, their services offered also included genuine and mundane housekeeping services. Their cleaning remit was simply somewhat expanded beyond mere dust, grime, and filth.

Aside from their leader, a somewhat reclusive person, they were something of a motley crew. Von Lycaon, a Wolf Thiren, a picture of elegance despite his bestial, lupine visage. Alexandrina 'Rina' Sebastine, a spooky and stealthy young woman. Corin Wickes, a somewhat clumsy and shy teenaged maid who nonetheless was handy with a buzzsaw. Ellen Joe, a teenaged Shark Thiren, tired and laconic.

And then, there was 'Walter Crawford'(1)…

Objectively speaking, Boiler was not a good person(2). He would claim otherwise, that he had never killed a single intelligent being. From a certain point of view, his claim was correct…that is, unless one counted Bangboos as intelligent beings. While that part was debatable, their endearing nature meant that Boiler dismembering them for parts was considered not unlike a serial killer killing organic beings for their organs.

Not that he cared. He ran a lucrative, if covert, business, selling Bangboo parts that, according to him, fell off the back of a truck. Then again, it was an open secret that he dismembered Bangboos for their parts, and one day, karma would come to bite him.

He didn't think he deserved any such punishment. All he was doing was using his skills to turn a hobby into a business. Nobody got hurt, win win. Yet now, someone was daring to attack him. And they weren't law enforcement either!

The door had been blown open after freezing over. The moment it shattered into icy chunks, Boiler was on the move. He was fleeing for the back door.

But that only proved that he blundered into a web. Of wires, he realised, wires that had entangled him as thoroughly as a spider's latest meal. "What the fuck?"

"Hello," a voice came from in front, of a teenaged boy, speaking rather poshly. "My name is Walter Crawford. Housekeeper for hire from Victoria Housekeeping. I clean up people's homes, ensure their comfort, and take out the trash. And I also deal with self-entitled bastards like yourself(3)."

The boy was dark-haired, wearing half a white mask over his face. All he could see were dark orbs where the eyes were supposed to be, like the eyes of the Reaper. He was dressed in…was he trying to pretend to be a valet or a butler or something? He had the white shirt, the black waistcoat and trousers.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Boiler snarled. "I know people, and when word gets out, you are dead."

"Actually, you're a small fish in a big pond at best," said a bored girl's voice behind him. "The bigger crime gangs only tolerated you because you were just useful enough. But then, you had to go and dismember the Bangboo of someone rather important, who asked us to deliver you to them."

"Which we will do," Walter said. "Tied up in a big bow."

Before Boiler could retort or plea to be freed or threaten them once more, 'Walter' raised a stick in his hand. His last coherent thought, before he heard the boy say "Stupefy", was, Is that a motherfucking magic wand?

Then, darkness…

Later that evening, the two people responsible were sitting at a table at a restaurant, albeit having changed their outfits. Both were now dressed in casual clothes, where they had been dressed in a valet's clothing and a maid outfit respectively. In fact, if one passed them, one wouldn't give either of them a second glance, unless one was unused to Thirens, and thus the long, shark-like tail of the girl.

Both were dark-haired, and about sixteen or seventeen. But otherwise, they were a study in contrasts. The girl was sullen and tired-looking, despite her cute features, her eyes crimson with narrow, almost slitted pupils, and whenever she opened her mouth, sharp teeth could be seen. Otherwise, though, she seemed like a normal teenager.

The boy wasn't that remarkable either. His messy dark hair barely obscured a scar shaped like a lightning bolt on his forehead, while his emerald eyes peered out from behind glasses. He seemed a bit more cheerful than his dour companion.

"You know, it may not have been actual people he was cutting up, but I was tempted to bite his arm off," the girl muttered.

"It's probably for the best you didn't, Ellen. Did you see that guy's place? You would've caught something."

A sardonic chuckle wormed its way from Ellen Joe's lips. "Fair enough, Harry. But seriously, who cuts up Bangboos like that? The guy's messed up in the head."

"You'll get no argument out of me. I erased his memories of us before we had him delivered. I'm glad Uncle Padfoot and Uncle Moony taught me that spell when I was stuck in that tournament, amongst others."

"Hmm. Would you ever want to go back, though?"

"New Eridu has been my home for a long time. Victoria Housekeeping especially so. Besides, with Voldemort dealt with, well…I have a much better family here than I did there. Not to mention you."

She blushed, but had a little smile on her lips all the same. And Harry Potter meant every word. She was his girlfriend after all, and he felt lucky to have her.

He'd come a long way since his magic (not that he learned this until later) took him away from the Dursleys, and dumped him in New Eridu. That he eventually fell in with the proprietor of Victoria Housekeeping, had eventually joined…and he wouldn't regret that. True, there was that irritating interlude where he was snatched back to Earth for that annoying bloody Tri-Wizard Tournament, where he learned wizards existed and he was famous. And they wanted him to stay?

He was glad he persuaded a few to make the return trip, like Padfoot, Moony, the Granger and Lovegood girls, and a smattering of the Weasleys. But New Eridu was his home, and had been far more so than the Dursleys ever had been. And his girlfriend was here. Why would he give that up?

No, his home was right here, and he wouldn't give it up for anything…

THE END

ANNOTATIONS:

So, Harry and Ellen Joe are an item.

Taking after the horror movie theme of Victoria Housekeeping, Harry's on the clock persona is mostly based on the Phantom of the Opera. You might argue the Walter C Dornez-style wires aren't like the Phantom, but the Phantom uses a 'Punjab Lasso' in many versions of the story.

1. Harry's pseudonym is a hybrid of no less than three people's names. Crawford comes from the actor Michael Crawford, once famous for his starring role as Frank Spencer, the main character of Some Mothers Do 'Ave Them, but also the first actor to take on the role of the Phantom in Andrew Lloyd Webber's version of The Phantom of the Opera. Walter is a reference to two fictional characters. An obvious one would be Walter C Dornez from Hellsing. The other is Walter Plinge from the Discworld novel Maskerade, who is not only modelled on Frank Spencer, but is one of the Phantoms in that book.

2. Because he is basically a Bangboo serial killer/organlegger, he's basically a Bunny Boiler. Okay, he's not actually a yandere, but still, who would willingly hurt a non-aggressive Bangboo?!

3. A modification of both Walter's canon speech, and his speech from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged.