Eliza's Day
What a wonderful day so far….
The birds are singing, the sky is clear…
The breeze felt nice and the sun wasn't too hot.
It's the perfect weather for a long day.
Eliza followed her gut. Every decision became based upon it. It knew more than her own mind or her heart did. Who was she to ignore it, when it hasn't been wrong so far.
Her little glittering thread, almost like a thin spider web, was leading the way.
The bard knew she needed to clear the upper roads, to make it safer for other travelers. And for them in the future.
It's why Eliza crushed in the skull of that hyena, she knew she had to. No matter how much her body loathed the act and was disappointed not to witness its glorious birth, but still enjoyed the ruthlessness of the kill in the end…
Longing for more…
Her gut also knew there was more on the hill and managed to get the drop on them.
Despite the fact that she hated the thought of taking away a life…
She couldn't help but love it more than anything…
Her body is constantly craving blood, gore, and death…
It's all she could think about, and she hated it a lot…
It helped her in a way, made it easier to kill and made her feel less guilty for it…
When she wanted to be guilty…
But, no matter how much she tried to dislike it, nothing else compares to the thrill of a battle…
The song came to her mind and then their blades clashing started creating the rhythm.
Then the sound of her voice started filling the air with a song mixing in with her movement. The sway and pull of her body instinctively moved as if it was a dance.
It had a magic of its own and she loved every second of it.
Eliza even loved being covered in blood and wasn't phased by it at all.
Despite being drained of blood, it still craved to spill more…
Ready for the next foe…
Even if they weren't an enemy…
She just wanted to kill…
She definitely felt like this wasn't normal, but in the end the bard was glad she wasn't weak…
Apparently killing was normal in a world like this. So, perhaps, she shouldn't be so disturbed by it.
Eliza definitely knew how to fight...
And she was good at it… really good…
…Scary good…
Perhaps, deep down she was destined for this…
The thrill of the hunt and the fight…
Watching them all with eyes of a frenzied beast that craved their blood and flesh…
That was eager to watch the blood spill and for guts to sprawl out in front of her…
So, she did just that…
Her smile came naturally at the sight…
Watching the glorious colors of red paint the ground and as life leaves the creature's body…
The dance of blades technique is definitely a deadly skill, not one enemy can keep up with her.
Where did she learn to fight like this?
How is she so efficient with killing?
Why did it come so naturally?
Eliza still couldn't help but feel like she was a sick person…
Who could love gore and murder as much as she does…
…and hate it at the same time?
The bard was glad to know that she didn't have to watch her back as much as she used to. Everyone was holding their own, and was holding up well. They didn't need her help after all.
She still kept an eye on them regardless, and was ready to charge in if any of them needed her.
They didn't… They fought well together….
But that still didn't stop the fear…
Her body may have craved the spillage of blood and the smell of it filling the air…
But in her heart it was the one thing she dreaded…
The day she loses consciousness and horrible things happen…
The day her hands turned on her friends…
…The day she wakes up covered in blood and surrounded by the bodies of her friends…
She hated the thought…
The ice cold ache in the center of her chest from the thought of looking down at their terrified corpses…
The betrayal and pain clear on their faces when they look up at her…
Their deaths… caused by the person they trusted the most…
When it should be who they feared the most…
When the battle was over and she told them to take a break, she was about to spend it staring at her bloodied hands…
Praying that if she spilled enough blood from her enemies that she would leave them all alone…
Hoping that innocent people she cared about would be safe in her company in the end…
Wishing for nothing more than for her friends to live long and happy lives…
That they won't be cut short by her hands…
…or anyone else's…
Eliza almost threw herself into a pit of despair, dreading that her wishes and prayers won't be enough…
She tried to look at the sky and smile it away…
At least everyone was safe for now…
…Astarion was safe…
That pleasant thought alone kept her going…
But then, the bloody bard gets distracted by the thoughts when she hears footsteps approaching.
Only to be delighted by the sudden company she got, by the very person she started thinking of…
It was Astarion, he came up to her… on his own…
Did she unintentionally summon him with her mind?
The act shocked her but she was pleased nonetheless…
All of her previous despair disappeared in an instant as she got reminded of what she was fighting for.
…Who she was fighting for…
Even if nothing ever happened between them, she was happy with this…
Happy to have him here, to see his face, to watch his skin glow in the sun, and get lost in those ruby eyes as he spoke.
All that time she wasted looking away…
She should have just been admiring the view…
She should have just been happy with what she had in front of her…
She will never take it for granted again…
Eliza won't waste her second opportunity of this life…
She won't waste another precious second cowering away. The bard chose to face him with her newfound strength, that she had all along…
The bard asked him things she knew she could ask…
Eliza didn't want to stray too far with her own desires. She would love to talk about anything, but she also wanted to hear if he would say anything differently. She didn't want to let him know that she already knew the answers to the questions if it came out later.
It was scary how she knew more about him than she did about herself…
Everything he said, she felt like she had heard hundreds of times before…
The bard could tell the slightest difference in his words and it would surprise her every time…
Even the way he says them has changed…
His eyes seemed more focused and his words came with motivation rather than with strain…
Almost like he wanted to talk with her…
If she could, she would talk to him forever…
But he probably wouldn't want that, eventually she will grow tired of her presence…
Somehow she felt like everyone would come to regret meeting her…
Like being herself wasn't good enough…
Not even her own blood in her body wanted anything to do with someone like her…
…Did her own family not want her either?…
She ended up getting a thought and decided to speak it out loud. It was the truth, every bit of it.
All she wanted was people to accept her…
To cherish her for who she is, flaws and all…
She already craves blood, if it's anything like being a vampire then maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
But the immortality part of it sounded terrifying…
Watching her friends and loved ones age in front of her while she remains forever youthful.
It would be selfish of her to keep it all to herself and she hated the very idea of taking away someone's free will…
She somehow knew how terrible and agonizing it was… more than anyone could ever understand…
Too bad she couldn't remember why…
Even if she gave them her gift and they all left her behind…
As long as they are happy and live to the fullest that's all she cares about…
Besides, when you're immortal, forever for a mortal is fleeting in comparison to a vampire. In 100 years she could see their face again and they could catch up like they were never separated. They could go their separate ways again or be a family once more. That doesn't sound so terrible.
He looked shocked by her thoughts, like he never heard anyone say such a thing.
The elf was deep in own thoughts, until she asked something that immediately changed his mood.
She's heard that phrase before, but it never stung like this.
It had a different feeling to it when she was standing right in front of him, his expression grew cold and his eyes were dark…
The pain in them saddened her deeply…
She wanted to take away that pain…
She wanted to keep seeing his smiles…
She wanted to see the glow on his face when he talked to her…
Not this looming darkness behind his eyes when he thinks about his past.
No matter what he did or what he was forced to do…
She didn't think little of him…
She admired his strength and determination to live…
His courage to be himself…
His bravery to spite his maker and all of the gods themselves…
He wanted to be free…
She wanted that to…
She wanted so desperately to be free…
Free from this pain and suffering inside her head.
Free to choose love over hate…
…To choose life over death…
When her mind, her heart, and her body were at constant war to keep it together…
She hoped one day to be free from it all…
From the fear of crossing that line…
She won't have to fear the death of her friends and just enjoy living a life with them.
A life without fear…
Without darkness…
Without urges…
Without chains…
Without being under someone else's control…
Free to be who she wanted to be…
Everything she knew Astarion suffered with for so long…
That's why she wished that for Astarion…
He deserves a choice too…
Deserves to not be under anyone's control ever again…
That's why she said what she said…
Eliza: "I wish I was your master."
…The bard didn't think it through until after she said it out loud and realized how it sounded…
The look on his face made heat flush to hers as she quickly corrected herself.
Eliza meant her words and her promise.
Either the hard way…
Or if she dies trying…
She will save him…
Not one of them can die…
She couldn't fathom the idea of them in pain…
Couldn't stand the thought of losing them…
The idea of their death terrified the shit out of her…
His death most of all… would ruin her…
That's what her gut told her…
It also craved his death the most…
Every horrible flashes and images of death raced in her mind…. of him most of the time…
She realized the more she cared about someone…
The more her blood boils to watch the cold metal of a blade pierce their heart…
Eliza knew that if she loved him… he would die…
She had to keep her distance…
She couldn't bear the thought of witnessing his death…
Any of them…
That's why she didn't mind being a sacrifice.
The bard wasn't giving up, she was just doing what she could to keep them safe…
Death was easy for her anyway…
She did it before and didn't mind it…
It was peaceful…
The only time she was free from murderous thoughts…
From the terror, pain, and misery.
Free from the dark urges…
Only in death did she finally feel a sliver of that freedom.
That's why Eliza was fine with this.
She snuck up to the leader gnoll drawing on the wall, stood to her feet, and got into her mind.
The creature had the same urges she did, but way more intense and with way less control.
But the worm kept her in line… It's the only leash that was keeping her from getting mauled alive.
She felt sympathy for the creature in that regard, the craving of gore was something in common between the two of them. It was both thanks to their mind flayers that they have any sense of control…
That's why she didn't have the heart to command anything of it…
Instead she told it a joke, one she knew it would like.
Eliza: 'What's the difference between man and meat?'
The creature's head tilts with curiosity while the unending rage still festers beneath.
Her determination and style in giving her response killed it.
Eliza: '30 seconds and a hungry maw!'
The creature throws its head back as the laughter infects the rest of them.
The bard is fine with the outcome if things go wrong, at least they were out of harm's way.
She didn't hesitate hopping over the fire and sacrificing the people in this cave. Her gut told her they wouldn't do the same for her. She began to realize that some lives were worthy of her time and sacrifice. Those people never gave her that feeling, and this was for her friends… not them...
So, she ran past them as the gnolls roared and raved behind her. The half-tiefling ignored their surprise, their frustration, and then their screams. She just hopped across the ravine and gave herself cover. When the gnolls were finished their leader sniffed her out and pointed to the ones with bows to aim at her. She looked back to try and find the trigger that should be there. The half-tiefling can even see in the dark but she couldn't see a thing.
There was a trigger there, wasn't there?
Where is it?
Arrows started flying in her direction, taking away her attention. The bard crouched down and dodged them the best she could but there were too many. The ones that didn't stick within the barrels grazed her cheek and the top of her shoulders, when she chose to block her face the leader launched one that pierced right through her arm.
The bard gawked at the hand crafted tip of the arrow dripping her blood right in front of her face. She looked at her arm in shock as the color red overpowered the colored feathers. She didn't even wince or get bothered by the sight.
How could she not be bothered by her own pain or injuries?
It's ridiculous how easily she dismisses it…
Better her than him…
That's what she thought as her mind flooded with all these thoughts at once.
She didn't want to imagine how the pain would feel to him.
He didn't deserve any more pain…
Fortunately for her she could hardly feel it in comparison to the constant pain she already endured everyday.
Every pleasant desire gets dampened by the overwhelming urge that she chooses to ignore…
The fight is constant and the battles in her mind are far more intense than the reality around her…
Any violent fantasy that gets ignored is returned with severe brutality…
Any kind thought or deed was a painful toll on her body…
So she's been in… a lot… of pain…
She knew pains far worse as well…
The pains that are deeper than any cut or wound can do to the body…
Whatever they were… Whoever inflicted them…
They cut the soul…
But… all of it was worth it…
Every precious moment of life was worth all of that pain…
Because of them…
…Because of Astarion…
The simplest things he does that could change her mood so quickly…
He gives her the will to fight harder.
Every precious memory she made gave her more will to protect it and keep it safe…
To protect them from pain…
To protect him from suffering…
To protect him… even from herself…
That's why she didn't mind being a sacrifice…
The bard gets too crazy during a battle, she might not know friend from foe in her state of mind…
This was what she wanted…
She hoped that she could come back in the end…
Even if death brought her peace, nothing was more precious than the gift of life…
It must be the same for them…
They wanted to live… so did she…
But, Eliza couldn't find peace in watching them hurt or suffer.
She wanted them to enjoy life in the way she never got to…
She wanted them to be happy…
Because their happiness brings her own…
She hated to think of ever putting anyone she loved in danger with her tormented soul…
Dreading even the thought of them ever being put through the same pain she suffered everyday…
They deserved better than to know what it's like to live in the darkness…
He deserves to see the light… they all do.
Eliza hoped she could keep them close forever...
Especially him...
Spending every single second seeing his happy face and hearing the joy his voice is worth every moment of agony she endured…
She wanted to live to see more…
But she had to make sure they were safe first…
So, they can be happy…
That's what made Eliza happy…
That's why when she snaps the arrow in half and rips the wood from the hole in her arm, she doesn't flinch. She didn't cower or show any fear.
The bard only grabbed her sword and had her blade at the ready…
Until suddenly she heard her full name being called by a voice…
His voice…
Eliza was completely confused by the lovely sound of her name. She turned to look and was shocked to see his face…
His form standing there looking relieved to see her…
With a worried look in his eyes…
All the fear returned, she became more afraid than she ever has before.
Why did he follow her here?!
What was he thinking?!
He could get hurt…
or worse…
He had to get out of here, she can't let him die because of her.
She had to know why he was here…
The bard didn't even think as she got to her feet, she only felt the sharp stab in the back of her shoulder. She staggered forward from the impact and heard his voice shout her name. Alerting the gnolls as they stop firing the arrows and start making their way towards them. Eliza caught herself as she slowly walked towards the elf. Tearing the arrow out of the flesh on her back, she then gets stopped by the rogue's sudden warning.
Finally, she could see the rope thanks to Astarion.
She had more confidence, she knew she could handle this if he got away.
She thanked his beautiful eyes for helping her.
Turns back to shout at the gnolls…
Eliza:"Are you always stupid, or are you making a special effort today!?"
The leader growls angrily from the sting of her words. She turns back around to see him standing there still, she tells him to go.
He pauses for a moment and looks back at the exit then back at her.
He said something that completely dumbfounded her…
Astarion: "No! I won't leave you!"
She turns away immediately as her face burns hot…
While her heart practically explodes…
Did he really just say that?!
His voice, his gaze, his words…
He was so serious…
He meant it…
…W-Why?…
Why was he being so stubborn all of a sudden?!
The smash of a barrel woke her from her trance and she finally noticed how close the gnolls were getting…
She couldn't think of anything else…
She didn't want him to get hurt…
She didn't want to see him bleed…
She didn't want to lose him…
Even if he could come back…
Her heart ached painfully at the thought…
She thought about his death every day…
She didn't want to actually see it…
…It would break her heart…
That's why she begged him to go, she told him the truth, and thanked the gods that he listened to her this time.
But she was surprised to see anger on his face before he turned away.
She quickly turned her attention around to watch as they approached her slowly and the rest of them jumped across. She used the only two steps she had to make room between her and the leader. Once the last enemy jumped over she didn't hesitate to destroy their only way back, killing some with the act.
In their direction she quickly got over the rope and waited for the leader to snag it.
She wasn't afraid to get hurt or to die…
As long as he is safe… that's all that matters…
Once the furry foot touched the rope she ran with all her might, only to be shocked by the sight of Astarion running towards her…
…Yes… towards her…
Eliza thought she was dreaming at first, it was like the world was moving in slow motion.
As his gorgeous frame ran straight to her with a serious look on his face, and immediately grabbed her hand once he reached her.
Causing her insides to leap, it felt like electricity was flowing through her entire body.
He grips her hand tightly as he pulls her forward.
She was so surprised and… almost angry at the same time…
Why didn't he listen to her?!
The whole purpose of this was to get him out of danger!
What's come over him?
Why is he…
Why is he being so…
…heroic?…
Something he wasn't the type for…
Why is he so protective over her?
What did she do to earn this?
He was someone that would leave people behind, and let them die on their own.
He thought only of himself, and she couldn't blame him.
He could only trust himself…
Astarion didn't trust anyone…
He definitely didn't trust easily…
How could he?
When everyone he's ever met used him, abused him, and left him behind.
Eliza wouldn't do any of those things, she couldn't live with the thought of doing anything like that to him.
He has every right to choose what he wants, he's a person…
The most beautiful person in the world to her…
He didn't deserve pain and misery…
He deserves to wear a real smile too…
Nothing seemed to change her mind, especially with the feeling of his hand holding hers.
When her eyes moved up from his hand and up his arm, she watched the elf's frame running ahead of her.
His determination and will to bring her to safety…
To try and attempt to save her life even at the cost of his own…
How can anyone say he is a monster?
There is good in his heart if has a choice…
He chose to save her…
Astarion was someone who would be thought of as cold, shady, ruthless, and evil…
But if given a choice…
He can also be kind…
gentle…
And sweet…
Astarion can be good.
How could anyone think he was evil?
If given the chance…
He could become someone who can do incredible things…
Become someone who can choose for himself…
Someone who can believe in himself…
Someone stronger, faster, wiser…
Someone… happy…
But unfortunately, he is also someone who she should be staying away from.
Astarion wasn't safe with her.
She could take away that chance of growth because of her choices and actions…
And yet, he still comes in to save her…
He's done it a lot too…
Even brought her back from the dead…
Twice now…
Why?
Not that she wasn't grateful, it's just completely unexpected…
Why does he go to such lengths, when she was fine with her sacrifice?
She was okay with this if she was the only one that got hurt…
But now, because of her actions, he was about to get flattened…
She was surprised by his snap back at her.
But he was right, it was not the time for lectures.
It was time to think.
It didn't take much thought when she spotted their chance at life. The bard pulled fast and as hard as she could before the boulder could crush them. Managing to get them into a small crevice in the wall to escape death or injury.
She only wished she had thought it through as her back hit the wall with a thud.
He immediately shoved his entire body against hers with a little force behind it as she became flattened by his larger frame…
Crushing her nose and making her face feel hot…
Her arms flat against the cool stone…
Her face was right on his chest…
Her nose has no choice but to inhale his wonderful musk…
The smell became the only air she longed to breathe…
And practically stole her breath entirely as it got knocked out of her by the shock of his body touching hers…
The great rumble rolled past them, now they were both safe and sound.
She looked up right when he pulled away…
Eliza regretted that decision immediately when he looked down at her in that same moment and she was met with his gaze.
Their faces were so close…
She couldn't believe how just moments ago they were running for their lives and now…
She was breathing in his warm breath…
And it made her body practically melt…
She felt her knees wobble and her lips trembling…
She had to understand why he didn't leave…
Only to be stunned by his answer…
Astarion: "I couldn't leave you… I couldn't let you die… and it was selfish of you to think that I could… After the promise I made to you."
His words vibrated in her very chest, that's how close they were.
The words filled her heart and soul, that's how powerful they were…
She was filled with joy…
Was this really a dream?
He was looking at her differently than he's ever looked at her before…
It was completely different…
His eyes held… desire…
…
…It… can't be…
There's no way he's looking at her like that…
Suddenly, a sound takes the moment away, but all she wanted was for his gaze to return.
She was too distracted by their closeness and his natural scent…
Hidden beneath the light, floral smell of a spiced wine…
The natural scent of his skin through his clothes reminded her of the fresh earthiness of graveyard soil and a hint of copper.
Surprisingly, she felt like she could drown in that smell… it brought her a form of comfort…
Before she knew it, the rogue casted a spell and she was quickly pressed against the wall once again.
With more force than before she has to turn her face so her nose wouldn't be smashed by his chest again.
Forced to inhale the intoxication of his delightful smell making her dizzy…
Her hands were pressed up against his frame this time in her surprise….
The bard felt his entire body…
Every part of him…
As her small form gets sandwiched in between his muscular body and the cold stone wall…
She felt like her heart was going to explode…
Like her entire body was heating up…
Until she realized it was actually getting really hot…
She finally noticed they were surrounded by flames…
The half-tiefling could smell the burn of his flesh and hear the strain of his voice through the howls of the gnoll.
What was he doing?!
She didn't think of anything else, her body moved and the words left her when he questioned it.
Even as a half-tiefling the fire didn't hurt nearly as badly as it would for him.
Besides, Eliza was a master at pain already…
She couldn't stand the thought of him hurting for someone like her.
The bard can handle it… she will take it all…
This was her choice after all…
After so much he has done for her already…
This is what she wanted to do for him.
Eliza pinned him against the wall this time, holding her arms tightly around him. Covering him the best she could with her small body in comparison to his.
The burning meant nothing in the long run…
She was happy to protect him…
While secretly happy to hold him…
She tried to not let her heart beat out of her chest as his arms slowly returned her embrace.
The scorching of her own back and tail meant nothing when compared to the joy his touch brought her…
His scent stole her breath…
His chest stole her thoughts…
His arms stole her heart…
If she listened to her heart as it pounded loudly in her chest she could imagine it was his…
As if their hearts were one…
She felt ultimate safety…
Ultimate peace and serenity…
Eliza never thought she could be so happy…
When the flames died, she contemplated staying there…
Holding him forever…
But… he probably wouldn't want that…
He might not like to be touched as much as she liked to touch him…
Besides, the urge might squeeze the life out of him any second, she needed to stop…
So, she pulled away, but it caused an ache in her chest…
Only to be frozen the moment his eyes look down at her once more…
It was that look again…
It filled her with the same emotion…
That longing…
That pull…
Like a thread was dangling between them and she was dying to give it a swift yank…
But a voice told her to let the thread go…
The voice of her conscience that fights the urges to maim and murder him everyday, but also the voice of one of her companions outside of the cave. Karlach calls for them, the worry clear in her voice. Eliza didn't hesitate to answer, it was exactly what she needed to stop this before it went too far.
Until a hand suddenly grabbed her wrist and she became stunned by the electrical jolt it sent throughout her body once more.
The rogue's voice this time… it sounded… angry…
She turned to see the look on his face and was surprised to see pain in his gaze…
The bard didn't have to think about it, she wanted to bring him comfort. She told him her truth as she placed her other hand over his.
The look on his face when she spoke was so wholesome…
Looking at the filth and blood on his face brought her back into a deep shame…
He kept getting in danger because of her…
How could she forget that Astarion made a promise too, he promised no harm would come to her in his presence. She should have known he had to come and save her because he made that promise.
So maybe he was right… she was selfish…
She wanted to be a little selfish even right now…
The look on his face gave her the powerful urge to touch him for some reason…
It was actually sweet for once… instead of evil…
Before she knew it, she did exactly that. She touched his cheek and she enjoyed every second of it…
He didn't shy away from her touch as she got to feel the soft skin of his cheeks and slowly wiped the filth from under his eye…
Unfazed by the soot and dried blood as she wiped it away with the trace of her thumb, her hand would have stayed longer had she not witnessed his face tighten and his body flinch when her thumb touched his cheekbone.
The moment she touched the sensitive spot she immediately ceased her touch…
She didn't want to bring him any more suffering than she already caused…
When her hand left his cheek she got distracted by the strand of his hair that slithered between her fingers. Immediately her fingertips admired the softness of his shimmering locks as she rubbed the strands between them.
Eliza apologized for all the hurt she put him through as she played with his hair.
It all seemed to shock him…
Like no one has ever apologized to him over something like that before…
Or perhaps he didn't expect her to touch him…
Maybe she shouldn't have…
The only reason she did any of this was to save him from the pain and suffering…
But somehow she still managed to…
The bard didn't realize it before…
She should have seen it…
After all those times he swooped in to save her and heal her before…
She should have known…
By putting herself in danger, he would make the decision to help her…
How could she forget the promise he made her?
Did she not expect him to keep it?
For some reason she ignored his promise like he never said it…
Like she never expected anyone to keep their promise…
Like they never did…
Astarion did keep it though…
He got her out of trouble…
Even when she told him to go…
Begged him to go….
He stayed…
He disobeyed…
And because he did, now they were both alive and well…
Thanks to him the plan went perfectly…
In the end, Eliza was in the wrong…
She never wanted to control them or tell them what they can or can't do…
But she did…
She told Astarion to leave and to abandon his own choice to stay because she didn't want to watch him get hurt…
Because of her, she still brought him suffering by telling him to do the opposite of what he wanted….
She brought him pain by not trusting him to fight for his life…
When he has fought for his own life many times before and won…
And saved her life too…
He's survived this long and didn't plan on dying either.
But… Did she really deserve this?
Did she deserve to be saved?
Did she deserve his sacrifice?
…What did she do to earn such a promise anyway?…
What did she do to deserve it all those times before?
She finally noticed not just the pain in his eyes, she could see the lingering anger…
The bard realized that she really had been too selfish…
Not only did she get too comfortable with him…
She also hogged all the glory.
It was thanks to her that all the creatures were dead, but the rest of the team had to sit back and watch…
He wanted to help fight and she told him to leave.
Perhaps that was why he was so upset…
What else could it be?
He got lost in a trance for a moment when he looked down at her bloody arm with a gaping hole in it.
Was he hungry?
How often does he need to feed?
The injured arm was still in the hold he had on her wrist, but the touch was gentle. Not needy or forced, he just held it there.
Just when her fingers left his locks and she was about to pull away from him, but then she got flabbergasted when his other hand reached it.
The touch of his hand sent another jolt of electricity throughout her body…
The tingling sensation vibrated from both touches through her fingers, palms, and down her arms as he lowered her hand to hover above his heart…
The fluttering began in her chest from his voice as it sounded more serious…
She was completely dumbfounded by the fact that she wasn't touching him this time…
Astarion was touching her instead…
Was she imagining this?
She couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth…
She had never heard anything like them before…
Has this all been a dream?
If it is… she didn't want to wake up…
The elf may have been calling her selfish but he was admitting things he never did before…
They only got deeper from there…
He said things she never expected in a million years…
That she never heard before in all her life…
As if he read her mind…
Did he really feel this way, or did she force these emotions onto him unknowingly when she touched him?
She didn't feel her tadpoles' influence however…
They were coming from him and they were sincere, it was scary actually…
He was becoming even less predictable…
For once, she felt completely blind when it came to him. She didn't know what he was thinking or if he actually meant what he was saying…
But deep down… Eliza loved every second…
She didn't want it to stop…
Her heart pounded louder as he stepped in closer and placed her hand on his chest, and her breath raced as his eyes locked hers in.
Her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her hand, it almost felt like her heart was inside of his chest...
His words echoed through her, they buried themselves deep within her mind, body, and soul.
The words she never thought she'd ever hear leave his lips… did…
Her entire body practically crumbled in his hold when his hand softly clasped the back of her neck…
Then the most incredible thing happened…
The words left his lips… not hers…
Astarion: "I'd be lost in a world with you."
This must be a dream…
The most incredible dream….
With the most beautiful person…
Saying the most wonderful of things… to her…
The bard was frozen still… she didn't move at all…
His face was drawing in closer…
And she almost let it…
As his breath started to steal hers…
Their lips almost touched…
Until Karlach's voice echoed through the cave, ripping away the lovely moment in two seconds flat…
In the first second, his face pulled away and held disbelief…
In the next, his touch was gone…
But his silent stare remained…
On the outside she was silent and still…
Frozen in shock from how long the moment felt and yet how quickly it was gone…
On the inside she was screaming, throwing everything, and tearing things apart.
She was at war with herself…
Eliza wanted more than anything to do it again…
The sweet urges became more powerful than the dark ones…
But the dark ones decided to play…
Instead of just kissing his beautiful lips it was followed with the stabbing of her blade…
Over and over… and over…
And over… and over… and over…
Until her hands ached and life was long gone from his eyes…
She watched as the flash of betrayal and horror in his eyes snapped back to his lost gaze within an instant…
Like it never happened…
but her mind still created the thought…
That horrible image was now engraved in her brain and became all she could think about…
She couldn't do this…
She can't…
How could this be love?
Imagining the death of someone she treasured so deeply…
Something evil like her should never be loved…
As much as she really wants it…
As much as she craves him….
Her feelings are best kept a secret…
His heart was better off without her…
But he can keep her heart…
That's what she envisioned when she handed Astarion that potion…
Astarion didn't steal her heart, he never stole anything…
She gave him a part of her in that bottle…
Eliza gave full possession of her heart…
When he drank it, he could keep the rest of her love while she bottled the last bit of hers away.
Even if their lips never touch, and that was the closest they would ever get…
Every second was the happiest second of her life.
With no other memories to compare it to, that moment was the best memory she ever had…
And she will treasure it forever…
She gathered things and quickly got out as fast as she could.
Words fill her head that make the tears come to her eyes as she walks away.
Words that were not her own but made more sense the more she spoke them aloud to herself in a gentle whisper…
Eliza: "I choose to love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection. I choose to love you in loneliness, for in loneliness no one owns you but me. I choose to adore you from a distance, for distance will shield me from pain…"
The tears roll down her cheeks as the words leave her quiet sobs when she climbs each ledge…
Eliza: "I choose… to kiss you in the wind… for the wind is gentler than my lips…"
When she gets to the top she wipes away the tears, only to have them replaced immediately after…
The words leave in a small whisper and make her weep as the words get stolen away by the soft breeze…
Eliza: "I choose to hold you in my dreams… for in my dreams… you have no end."
This must be love that she felt…
Why else would this be so hard?
What other reason could it be?
Why did it hurt this much?
She needed to let him go but she couldn't…
So she had to settle with this emptiness he left behind…
It was like she needed to cut that thread between them…
But she doesn't have the heart to do it…
She wants to keep it…
Eliza still wants to love him…
But there can't be more…
She will betray him in the end…
Her gut knew it…
The bard couldn't ignore it, it's never been wrong…
But then… Why does she want to ignore it?
Why does she want to race back and run into his arms?
Why does she want to tell him everything?
And kiss him like there was no tomorrow…?
She couldn't… She shouldn't…
That didn't stop her desire however…
He was safer without her, but also safer with her…
He was right, no one else will keep him safe like she would… she knew that…
But she also knew she could put him in danger at the same time…
It's not fair…
Why must she be tortured like this?
Was this some kind of cruel joke placed on her?
Do the gods hate her?
She unfortunately couldn't stand there forever, it wouldn't bring her answers…
Eliza finally moved. The tears were gone after she wiped the last of them away, but the ache never left…
She finally met up with Karlach and Wyll who were looking around the cave. Until they noticed their leader come through the entrance, heading straight for a heavily locked chest. The warlock was the first to notice her as she knelt down to look at it.
Wyll: "Oh, finally. It's good to see that you're not completely torn to bits."
The barbarian gets excited when she notices the bard too as she steps closer, but not too close.
Karlach: "Little Soldier! Oh, man - things got pretty crazy for a moment there. There was a huge boulder and then a lot of fire. I was worried you were flattened or burnt to a crisp… or both! You are a little burnt but I'm very glad to see you are in one piece… Wait… where'd the lil vamp run off to?"
Eliza distracted herself from other thoughts by lifting the chest and holding it out for Karlach to take.
She took it without question and packed it to carry.
Eliza started to search for valuables really quick, and gave a shrug with her response.
Eliza: "I don't know. He should be coming. He knows where we are and I won't leave without him. He can take his time, but I don't want to spend another minute in this cave."
She was ready to leave, each moment in here was another reminder of what she has to give up…
The beautiful moment they shared in this cave together will be their last.
The bard had to move on…
Even if the rogue didn't…
Even if he meant what he said…
Even if… of all things… he wanted more of her…
She can't let him be hurt because of her….
He can call her selfish all he likes.
But she will kill herself before she ever lays a finger on him…
Eliza will fight every single darkness in her body to keep him safe… from her…
She looted the bodies and quickly gathered any valuable resources and items that they would need.
She gave Wyll all the bottles of Alchemist's fire and any other throwable things she has been carrying around all this time. Even items she got from the nautiloid. The bard hasn't been using them and for some reason felt like she didn't need them.
The half-tiefling then led the way out of the cave, and then heard footsteps heading towards them.
She didn't even bother looking up from the ground. It already took everything in her not to cry anymore.
If she looks, she will crumble under his ruby gaze…
It couldn't have been anyone else. She didn't have to look to know his footsteps. To feel her heart race in his presence as he silently joined them and she just led them onwards.
She didn't know what to do…
She thought too much…
Felt too much…
She wanted to just let go, to feel something else for a while…
Finally her body found an off switch, she snaps into an empty void.
Depraved of all thoughts or emotions, she finally felt numb…
Eliza couldn't help but wonder if she had her little friend to thank as she felt the small wiggle in her skull.
As her empty mind absorbed a memory…
One that felt familiar…
Almost as if she has seen it before…
A woman in a green dress…
Her gentle smile and her sweet voice were both a blur…
But she could remember her warmth, her kindness, and her loving nature…
The very memory of this woman filled her with bliss, she couldn't think of anything else.
The memory made her both happy and sad…
Whoever this person was… she missed her terribly…
The bard wanted to see this woman, to help fix her broken memories…
To fill this empty space in her soul…
Eliza feels like this person was someone she went to when she felt down…
Now she wanted to find this woman more than anything…
She needed her…
The only person that could be close to that description… lived in that swamp…
So, that's where she went.
When she zoned out apparently her feet were already on the way there. Her mind finally came back to the world around her as she heard their voices behind her.
One voice in particular she loved to hear above the rest…
He didn't seem too bothered, it seemed…
Only about his smell…
But that was one thing she couldn't be bothered by…
In fact she would love to smell it over and over again, that's why the hushed words left her…
She hoped that nobody cared to listen to them…
Until, she heard the fumble behind her and it caught her attention.
Her eyes turned and was immediately met with Astarion's gaze as he kept himself from falling forward. The shock on his face made her immediately worry…
Did he hear her?!
Shit!
Eliza secretly hoped he didn't take it in a weird way as she turned her gaze ahead.
And cursed herself in her mind for saying things out loud…
The rest of the way was led on in silence…
Until they stepped foot in the murky swamp and she heard his lovely voice again.
Something that Karlach said stuck with her…
Perhaps Eliza was a child or a pig….
Because there was one thing she couldn't deny…
She loved the mud for some reason…
And she didn't even hesitate to speak or demonstrate. It was an urge more powerful than any darkness, like it was a part of her that was long forgotten…
That hasn't been seen in a long time…
She trusted the mud to catch her fall and it did.
The moment she felt the slimy earth between her fingers her mind flooded with happy memories of a child that sang, laughed, and played in the mud…
Was she that child?
Did she have a good life before this darkness?
Was she happy once?
Can she be happy again?
However she couldn't deny that the only time she felt close to pure joy was in his presence…
In his kind words and soft touches…
The cool touch of the mud was a completely different feeling compared to the cool touch of his hands…
That was given to her… not forced to be given…
A different level of happiness… but…
Even without his touch and affection…
Can she be happy with this distance?
…
Yes… she can…
She didn't need to be with Astarion to be happy…
Just being near him was enough…
Because even if he didn't mean anything that he said, she can still keep that beautiful memory forever…
Since it actually happened and it wasn't a dream.
She can relive the memory as many times as she wants and dream of nothing more than to hold him in another tender embrace…
And never hurt him…
As long as he was safe, that was enough…
She smiled at the memory of their moment in the cave, making it a happy one instead of sad…
Until the barbarian startled her out of her thoughts as the tiefling hit the ground beside her with a thud instead of a squish.
The bard's eyes turn to meet the one-horned, fiery tiefling covered in mud that hardened on her the moment it touched her skin.
She pulled herself up from the ground as the dirt practically rolled off of her, the laugh that came from her was contagious as she joked.
Karlach: "Not a soft landing, but I've had worse."
The bard laughs as she recalls her last landing.
Eliza: "I took control of the nautiloid and crashed the ship. I should be the queen of bad landings."
The barbarian chuckled as they both got to their feet. She watches as the dirt rolls off of Karlach when she brushes her hand down her arms.They both laugh when they look at the bard's state of filth in comparison.
The barbarian then spoke with a genuine smile.
Karlach: "Ah, but you still got us here, didn't you? It may have been a rocky landing, but we all are alive thanks to you. Can't get better than that…"
Eliza was immediately filled with hope…
All her fears became irrelevant in that very moment as it dawned on her…
Even if her darkness threatened to take all that she loved those times before, everyone she cared about is still alive and well.
Because she cared about them…
Because she loved them…
Even if she felt evil deep down…
These people were alive because of her…
She knew love because of them…
Something evil - can't love or be loved…
Eliza couldn't stop all her love even if she tried…
She tried… but she realized that maybe instead of abandoning it completely…
Use her love as a strength instead of seeing it as a weakness…
Love saved them time and time again from even herself…
But maybe she should try to give herself more value.
To give herself more love.
She thought of herself as expendable…
She was okay with her sacrifices and she thought other people would be too…
Astarion proved that to be untrue…
Just because she jumps into the flames doesn't mean anyone won't try to jump in after her…
She shouldn't blame them for trying to save her, when she would do the same…
Because she cares… Because she loves…
Eliza could be important to someone else as much as they were important to her…
Wait…
Does that mean…
That maybe… Astarion… cares…
Does he-…
…no…
He can't possibly…
But then…
He wouldn't have said all those nice things… and…
'I'd be lost in a world without you.'
The thought brought a smile to her face…
Could he… feel the same….?
…What a lovely thought…
But perhaps it's just something else…
…She's not that special… she's just here…
She can still keep on dreaming while she's here though…
Her mind almost wandered into a lovely daydream of a world like that…
A world where she was special in his eyes…
The barbarian brought her out of her daydream as she continued.
Karlach: "It was still a terrible experience though… So, instead of a little Soldier - how about your little Highness!"
Eliza laughed but then grew curious about her nickname… Since it's different for some reason…
Eliza: "Why do you call me little soldier?"
The tall tiefling puts her hands on her hips and tilts her head with a smile.
Karlach: "You're pretty small for a tiefling, a half pint for a half-elf too. You also have the sweetest little smile and make the cutest little bard. A scary little fighter but cute nonetheless. I still respect you though. Big or small, little soldier. "
The bard felt her face heat up from the compliments, she loved how blunt Karlach was. She couldn't stop the giggle from leaving her or her next question.
Eliza: "But, why do you call Astarion a little vampire? He might find it insulting, he's definitely not little. You could also point it out to people who don't know he's a vampire and put him in danger."
The barbarian looks down at the ground to laugh at their silhouettes on the earth. The bard laughed after she saw that the size comparison was definitely drastic now that she looked at it. The fiery tiefling finally gave her response once they caught their breath.
Karlach: "Oh, I know - trust me. He isn't little to you, but he is little to me. It's only just a name between us, I promise. I will keep your little crush a secret between us two as well."
The bard gets shocked by those words, her voice leaves her in a stuttering panic… She tried to keep eye contact but she felt the need to hide her face as it got warmer…
Eliza: "C-C-Crush?… I… I don't-"
Karlach: "I'm sorry, I couldn't help but notice the way you look at him. It's okay. I promise I won't tell a soul. I think it's adorable really."
Her face heats up even more as her eyes fall on the rogue, the very person she thinks of on the daily…
The only one she treasured above all else, she can't deny it if others see it too…
But… does he?…
Does he know how much she treasured him?
She hoped one day she could tell him. If they all live long enough to reach that point, when they are finally free from the darkness that consumed them all…
Maybe a beautiful day like that will come…
Some day… Can she tell him everything?…
She will when that day comes…
Once she knows he would want the same….
She looked away from him and let her mind wander on a life that could have been if she were free of this darkness.
A smile comes to her face in the daydream of that someday…
The day she tells him how much he means to her…
The moment she confesses her love…
Will he be fine with it?
Will he say it back?
It's fine if he doesn't, she can understand if he wasn't ready for something like that…
There was no need to rush him or make him feel obligated…
Even if he wanted them to be just friends, she could live with it…
As long as he is happy…
That's all she could ever wish for…
Eliza had to admit…
It would be nice to talk to someone else about it…
To get a second opinion…
The bard then heard footsteps so she decided to continue, and chose to be very cautious about their little secret as she asked in a mutter.
Eliza: "I guess… I shouldn't bother denying it… Is it that obvious?"
The barbarian peeks behind her to check first then talks with a big smile but in a low tone.
Karlach: "I just know hopeless pining over someone when I see it. Even after 10 years, I still know what it looks like. So far, I think I'm the only one who knows."
The bard takes a sigh of relief. The rest of the group stopped as she kept walking ahead.
She only stopped to talk to the redcap, her gut knew they didn't pose a threat… yet…
So, she decided to play along and did something she felt like she always wanted to do.
She does it only to find it just as hilarious as she imagined. The barbarian copied her and got a good laugh.
The bard led the way up a hill and was struck with a terrible smell…
The moment it hit her nose she didn't feel too well, she had a bad feeling about this interaction. If it didn't go well of course, but apparently she knew what to say. The words came to her easily, and they walked away without any suspicion or bloodshed. She did say a few words that were on her mind but she didn't think too much of them.
Eliza meant every word either way and was glad she got to speak her mind.
On the walk up the hill, the barbarian bombarded her with the most powerful question she had ever heard in a whisper.
Karlach: "So what happened in the cave?"
The bard's eyes bore into the curious eyes that stared down at her…
Her face is burning hot…
Eliza had to look away; she couldn't even begin to think of an answer…
It was enough to give the tiefling one apparently, she got excited with her conclusion…
…with little giggles and wiggles…
Karlach: "My gods - you can change colors… You almost got as red as me. Aww… I'm more than curious to know what happened now… Hehehe… You must really like him."
She did… more than she should…
But unfortunately…
He can never know…
He was better off without her for now…
The sad words left her after she looked behind her to get a peek of his face lost in a daze…
Eliza: "Hopefully, he'll never know."
The half-tiefling faced forward and kept her eyes ahead with her chin held high…
Fighting back the tears that threatened to fill her eyes…
The barbarian stared at her silently for a moment, the bard didn't have to see her to hear the concern within her whisper.
Karlach: "What? Why? But he-… What if he likes you too?"
That would be great… amazing in fact…
But if he did… it would make it so much harder…
To let him go…
That's why she refused to believe that he could have any feelings at all…
That maybe their moment in the cave was just a feeling in the moment after the rush of almost dying…
Because if he did like her…
It would give her hope…
The darkness inside of her loved to tear apart that hope before it could grow…
If she gave in, she couldn't guarantee him a happy life…
He deserves better…
Until she can find a way out of her darkness…
The words left her in a sad mumble as her eyes met with a pitied expression…
Eliza: "Some things are just worth the sacrifice, Karlach."
Eliza paid attention to the path ahead as she buried her emotions… and tears…
Ignoring the stares she was given as she went up the path to find the place they were looking for.
Once they made it to the house, she debated on whether or not she should be here. Something kept telling her this wasn't right, while most of her was dying to know if this woman is exactly who she is looking for.
The moment she walks in covered in mud, she expects a smile or even laughter…
But all she got was anger…
The woman in Eliza's vision never raised her voice…
Something was wrong…
The pregnant woman… she's…
In danger… isn't she?
The bard felt a cold rush throughout her body when the old lady spoke the name she swore she didn't know.
She lied…
…Gran never lied…
Her grandmother… Not an Auntie…
This woman was a liar…
This woman had no reason to be given her respect…
What else is she hiding?
Her help comes with a price, a cost the bard didn't want to pay.
She was desperate to keep her mind and body but not enough to make a deal with someone like her…
Eliza basically told her to 'fuck off' and got away with it.
The old woman's sweet voice was gone.
Before the bard could get Mayrina out, she was gone in a green puff of smoke…
Eliza was in shock, she couldn't believe that she ever held trust for this… fake!
Her eyes landed on the fireplace, she knew it held a secret. One she couldn't explain how she knew, she just did. She stealthily walked up to it and was on the other side waiting for the others.
A little chuckle escaped her from Karlach's reaction.
They stood to their feet and the bard peered down in the hole…
The sounds and smells coming from it sent cold chills throughout her body.
She didn't like this…
Not one bit…
She walked ahead…
Only to regret it after…
The horrifying creature that appeared in front of her was Auntie Ethel…
The hideous wolf in sheep's clothing…
A monster…
The things she saw, the things she heard, the horrible visions she witnessed…
All of it…
This… creature… was nothing close to the woman in her vision…
Once again all hope she ever had was ripped away from her…
The only thing that guided her when she needed it the most…
She knew deep down that that person was long gone…
…Elizabeth may never see her grandmother again…
The one person that knew this stranger in her body…
From a body that wasn't her own somehow…
In a world that was completely familiar and predictable…
A world she shouldn't exist in and yet she did…
A place that was both terrifying and beautiful, and she didn't feel worthy to belong in it…
This was a life far different from a world she came from before…
A life that is hazy and yet defines her past…
…Defined who she really is…
The life she had before… is gone… forever…
…She felt it…
She knew there wasn't even one soul who could understand this torment…
This was her life and now every cruel thing she witnessed in this 'play house' reminded her of what she lost…
A kind hand…
A loving embrace…
A warm smile…
A good heart…
…All gone…
…Why would she give that up?…
…Why did she leave?…
…
…Did anyone miss her?…
Did anyone care that she was gone?
Did Eliza hurt them by leaving?
Was she a monster then… like she is now?
With more questions than answers, she realized what she needed to do.
Eliza will miss her everyday and only feel this void from her absence…
But she had to move on…
She felt like that's what Gran would have wanted…
That didn't stop this pain…
It didn't stop how lost she felt now…
…Who is she?… Who is she really?…
Her eyes fall onto a table with masks…
Something about them was calling to her…
Telling her they would give her answers…
Her desire was too great as she ignored the small feeling in her gut…
The mask was already on her face by the time she regretted it…
Panic seeped in as she heard her terrible voice.
Auntie Ethel: 'Hello, petal. My, My - the mask suits you. Just relax. See the world through fresh eyes. And let your dear old Auntie Ethel look after you.'
Her vision gets clouded, instead of red her eyes see green…
Her body shakes and aches to defy her…
Aches to be released…
Aches for blood… Blood… Blood…
Her fragile state of mind made it easy for the hag to slip through her defenses and take control…
Eliza: "M-Monster… Let… me… go…"
The bard fought with all her might…
But unfortunately… she was bloodless…
She didn't have enough to fight back her own mind and body…
Her darkness was too strong for this battle as it started to root for the wrong side…
The urge and its disgusting desires are dying to be fulfilled…
Her defiance after so long wasn't strong enough as she felt the stiffness in her own movements…
The stench of rot was a slap to the face.
Eliza looked around in a panic as she felt everything changing within her own body…
Suddenly the hag is there…
Beside her… Behind her… Inside her…
Auntie Ethel: 'Yes. I have you now, petal. Don't worry. Auntie is going to take good care of you.'
That was her last moment of control. Her body moved involuntarily, reaching for her sword and facing towards her friends…
Towards Astarion…
The only control she could grip onto was her voice as it strained to leave her…
Eliza: "Get… Get away!… Now!… Not… safe…"
Her blade aimed at them…
She fought desperately but she couldn't seize control…
Auntie Ethel: 'I know who you are… Do they? How about we show them sweetness.'
All the dread and fear filled her as her body was no longer her own…
She could feel every muscle and bone in her body move against her will, while she is forced to watch herself through it all…
…Her voice and her desires meant nothing…
Eliza wasn't a stranger to the feeling, but that didn't stop her will to fight it.
She had to escape it… She has to…
…But she can't…
The blade steadily shakes as her friends are forced to defend themselves.
Eliza: "Run!… Can't… stop!"
They don't listen, she watches as they stand there with their weapons at the ready.
The concern on their faces as they look at her, not knowing what to do at this moment.
Before she could say another word, her sword swung and it filled her with an earth shattering dread.
Her blade clashed with another. She is met with a foggy vision of Wyll and his worried expression.
His words come softly.
Wyll: "Eliza… I don't want to fight you, but I can't leave you here either. If you can't stop, we have no choice but to stop you."
The bard couldn't form a word as her body chose to react.
Before the warlock knew it, he was locked in a deadly battle against the bard. Their swords clashing and her aim was to kill.
Luckily, he dodged the heavy attacks and blocked the lighter ones with his blade. He had trouble keeping up with her and couldn't help but be amazed as he spoke.
Wyll: "I'd be madly impressed - if you weren't trying to kill me."
Before he could make another attack the bard quickly disarmed him with a swift turn of her blade.
He screamed in pain as her sword cut his wrist deep.
Eliza: "S-Stop!"
She screamed at her body but her voice did nothing as her blade prepared to strike him down.
Suddenly, the handle of an ax stops her blade this time as she feels the burning heat in front of her.
Karlach: "As much as you've grown on me little soldier, I can't let you do that. I know this isn't you, and you would tear yourself apart if you hurt any of us-"
The barbarian couldn't get out another word before her attacks changed to a bigger target.
Karlach could handle the heavy attacks but wasn't fast enough as she started getting small cuts all over her body. The bard's blade burns red from the heat.
Eliza was tortured as each one made tiefling cry out with a curse or a yelp.
Karlach: "Damn - you're so fast! I'd hate to hurt you- Ah, Ow! - but I don't know what else to do. I miss being your friend - Gah! - being your enemy sucks. Oh - ouch! That stings!"
Once again, the bard disarms her friend. Cutting both of her wrists in a flash and forcing her to drop her ax.
Her body was aiming to kill no matter how much she fought against it.
The hold over her was too powerful, she could hear the hags menacing laugh from within her skull…
Auntie Ethel: 'My, My petal. You truly are a terrifying foe, even against the Blade of Frontier's and a barbarian from the hells that is twice your size. They are no match to your strength and agility. I think I'll make you my new guard dog. Fighting suits you perfectly.'
No! No! NO!!!
She can't go through with this…
She can't let her win!
Eliza: "N-No!… Get out of my head!"
She fought as much as she could, but her strength wasn't enough. Before she could strike, a pair of hands blocked her vision. They grab at the mask attempting to pull it off to no avail…
She could feel their presence behind them…
The bard knew immediately who it was…
Only one person in this world can have an effect on her, even in this state.
Which is why it hurt her the most when her body's instant reaction was to stomp on his foot to get him away from her.
She thanked all the gods above that it was all that she did to him… Unfortunately, that wasn't all her body planned on doing…
He cursed violently from the act as he hopped away. She turned to face his frustration as he held onto his hurt foot and hopped on the other with an icy glare in her direction.
Astarion: "Ow - fuck!… That hurt!"
Only to calm once his eyes stared at her poised form, ready to strike. Both of his feet planted firmly on the ground as he tried to calm her…
The bard felt her darkness fighting to finally witness his death…
Eliza refused to move an inch, she fought her entire existence…
Managing to keep herself frozen in place temporarily as his soft words filled the air…
Her own name causing a pain in her chest as his voice spoke ever so sweetly
Astarion: "Elizabeth - I know you don't want to hurt us, but we don't know how to help you. The mask won't come off. I don't know what else to do. How do we help you? What do I have to do?"
The half-tiefling knew the answer…
…She knew it wouldn't come off until…
Her voice strained to speak…
Eliza: "K-Kill… m-me."
Even through the green foggy vision, she could still see the shock on his face…
She could hear the anger in his voice too…
Astarion: "You can't be serious! I could just knock you out, you don't have to die-"
She didn't hesitate to respond when she knew the truth… She answered and warned him quickly…
Eliza: "Won't… work… move!"
Her body couldn't hold back anymore as it slashed at him violently, he dodged it just in time thanks to her warning. He stared at her with concerned eyes and there was a sound of something unrecognizable in his voice…
Was it fear? Sadness? Anger?
Astarion: "There… There must be another way!"
Eliza screams as her body breaks free from her resistance again and swings her blade. Luckily she misses as he takes a step back.
The bard strains to hold herself still again…
Her voice is more clear and direct.
Eliza: "There isn't!…"
Another scream and attack escapes, her and her own body are at war. Struggling to get a hit from her holding back, making it just fast enough for him to dodge her swing. He took another step back in time, but it was still fast. The bard knew she couldn't hold back forever. Everyone heard her pleads as she forced them out.
Eliza: "Do it - please!"
Through her green haze she could see glimpses of his hesitation. The look on his face was so shocking she lost all concentration as her body took advantage of its opportunity.
She tried to hold back but it was too late.
Unfortunately, she was too quick as she went for the ankle this time. He cried out as he lost his footing and he hit the ground…
Finally taking out his dagger…
After all this time he didn't draw a weapon at her, but now in his moment of weakness he is forced to fight back.
The one thing she never wanted to experience, now it's here right in front of her...
This was reality... not a vision...
The tears leave her as eyes as her green haze looks down at his weakened state ready to attack…
The laughter in her head followed with words that cut deep…
Auntie Ethel: 'No wonder they are so weak. They won't even lay a finger on you… Aww… Do they care about you, petal? How bitterly sweet that they are about to die because of you… Meeting you was their biggest mistake, this is who you really are, deary. Nothing in this world can change a monster like you.'
The words were like a stab to the heart and she let that sink in as the world moved on around her.
Suddenly, a hand grabs her wrist only for her body to react violently as her other fist swings with all her might and punches the warlock in the face. Knocking him out cold.
The voice of the tiefling filled the lair…
Karlach: "Damn!"
The tears poured from the mask as she returned her gaze back to Astarion, he was frozen in shock.
The hag's laughter echoed all around her and inside of her, it even escaped her lips before she forced it to stop…
Her real voice strained to leave her as she struggled to gain control…
Eliza: "D-Don't… m-make me… do this."
Someone finally listened to her cries as a pair of fiery arms embraced her. Forcing her to drop her sword as it clanged on the ground. Holding the bard's body tightly in the grasp, lifts her off the ground as the heat scorches her skin through her armor. The sadness in the barbarians' voice could be heard from the act.
Karlach: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I wanted to hug you, but never like this! I didn't know what else to do - please forgive me."
Eliza's voice finally screamed out in agony as she violently jerked from the immense pain.
The first time she felt a pain far worse than usual.
Also the first time she ever heard her own voice cry out like this…
Except… It wasn't the first time…
Hazy memories flash in her mind for a quick moment, a voice calls out but she doesn't hear it. In her distraction, her body quickly retaliates.
Suddenly, her teeth sank into something hot, as if a burning oven was given flesh instead of metal. Singeing her tongue and lips as she bites into the flesh, it was effective as the tiefling cried out.
Karlach: "Ahhh!"
The barbarian released the bard as she gripped onto her injured arm taking a step back in shock.
Eliza can taste the burning hot liquid in her mouth, she swallowed a little and it set her insides a blaze.
She still stands tall, grabs her violin, and prepares herself as the barbarian watches her burn in awe…
Karlach: "What the fuck?… You're such a badass!"
The bard writhed in pain but still proceeded to successfully launch her back with a thunderwave.
Karlach goes through the wooden door that was actually an illusion.
Thankfully, Eliza intervened in time to make sure she wouldn't hit the wall.
But that was all the control she could muster as her body returned to face the rogue struggling to stand. Her body both ached and shivered from the blood gushing from his leg. Both strong emotions of excitement and terror flooded her body at once. The first step he took brought him back down again. Apparently, Eliza instinctively knew the weak points on someone's body…
She was a hunter… a predator…
…A monster… when she lost control…
Was this really her?
Is this who she is?
It makes her sick…
Each step was a painful one to her as she picked up her sword and pointed it at him.
Stepping closer until her frame towered above him and the flames inside of her died out…
She could see his gaze look up at her with a strange look in his eye, the blade was shaking in her hand.
Any remaining energy she had was used to fight with all her might as the tears flowed and dripped off her chin.
This can't be who she is…
She didn't want this…
Her voice begged for freedom…
Eliza: "Please… Make it stop…"
Astarion is sitting upright and holding his knife firmly in his hand. Still staring up at her with hesitation…
The half-tiefling's body shakes violently as she grabs the blade with both her hands and slowly raises it above her head…
She begs him….
Eliza: "Kill me!"
The bard holds the sword high but doesn't move…
She forced her body to be locked there as he stared up at him with a different look than before…
Eliza gets shocked by his next act and it even stunned the darkness within her from the sounds she heard…
The one thing she never expected to ever witness…
Astarion: "I… I can't…"
He let go of the dagger in his hand and it clanged to the ground.
The sadness in his voice shook her very core…
Astarion: "I promised… remember?"
A sad smile left him…
The very sight struck something within her….
Giving her an entirely new strength than before.
Her shaky hands moved down and grabbed the center of her sword, the sharp cold steel cutting into her palms as she gripped it tightly…
The rogue looked up at her in dread as the blood dripped from her hands.
The bard becomes inspired and empowered by her own words that escape her…
Eliza: "I'm not… a monster… I promised too…"
He gaped up at her as the hag shouts in her head.
Aunties Ethel: 'What?! What are you doing?! How are you-… You - You shouldn't be able to… How is this possible?! You have to stop, petal! You would really die - for him?! Is his life really worth your own?!'
The words left her lips confidently…
Eliza: "Yes… it's worth… everything."
An angry shout of determination filled the air as her blade went down and straight for her gut just below the ribs….
The icy cool metal sliding through her skin and insides like butter through to the other side...
She hardly expresses any pain as the shouts of two voices fill her head and ears.
*"No!"*
She had just enough strength to give it a good twist with a groan...
She coughed out blood, and laughed bitterly to herself in her gruff victory…
Eliza: "Thank… goodness."
The control finally came back to her frail body as she slowly pulled the blade out of herself. The blood spilled to the ground while her darkness was internally enraged…
She heard the shuffling in front of her, and in her weak state, she fell forward as life slowly drained from within her.
A pair of hands catch her. Only to fall to the ground with her, but still tried their best to sustain most of the fall.
...It was Astarion...
Eliza landed on his chest and was struck with his wonderful scent…
She finally felt at peace in his hold as her body was finally her own the closer to death she became.
She soaked in every second while it lasted...
The elf swiftly but gently moved her to meet the ground.
The green vision grew darker as seconds passed, but she was able to look up at him in her final moments.
She could see his red orbs stare down at her painfully and his voice still managed to make her heart jump one final time…
Astarion: "W-Why? Why would you-"
He couldn't even finish his own question as Eliza choked on her blood. She must have pierced a lung. It was hard to breathe…
But she tried her best to suppress them and speak words instead through her burnt lips...
Eliza: "Some things… are worth… the sacrifice…"
His eyes widened as he stared deep into her eyes through the mask…
She refused to leave this world until she said one last thing while she was still brave enough to do it…
Speaking gruffly as she tried to take in air without choking as her vision darkened…
Eliza: "You were wrong before… To me… the world… could never be… the same… without you."
She felt serenity within his arms, and accepted her fate. Passing on in hopes that won't be the last words she ever spoke to him.
But if it was...
She had a wonderful experience... and was grateful for his existence...
Then, the world went dark and she was in peace once more...
Astarion's POV
(Moments ago)
Astarion hesitated to take out his dagger. He still had his hand on the handle, just in case.
He stepped back and watched as the Wyll stepped up. Some would think that the reputation of the Blade of Frontiers was all that and more. That he could handle his own in the face of danger, and he could.
But, not with Elizabeth…
She put him to shame and would have killed him too.
If Karlach hadn't intervened.
Even that large tiefling held nothing in comparison.
It didn't help that no one wanted to make a strike on her…
They couldn't…
How could they hurt the one person that would never want to hurt them?
The kindest person they have ever come across…
She would never hurt the Barbarian….
He could see the pain in her eyes behind the mask, he could hear it in the desperation in her voice.
How could either of them harm her?
When they all never knew someone as bright as her…
When they all learned how to treasure her in such a short time…
They never could find another like her…
That's why they couldn't leave her…
That's why they couldn't hurt her…
That's why it was difficult to decide anything without her guidance…
The moment came when he realized he had to intervene himself when Karlach was about to be skewered.
The only thing he could think of was to try to get the mask off…
So, he snuck up behind her...
He tried… but it was stuck…
Next thing he knew, pain surged within his foot and he hopped back with a yelp and a curse…
He was enraged by the sudden attack, only for his rage to leave him once he saw the look on her face…
Even with her poise and stance that was ready to kill.
He could see her struggle…
He could see her true strength…
He could feel her sadness…
Once his feet were firmly on the ground, his voice grew soft…
He tried to find a solution only to hear the worst thing had to be told…
He had to kill her?
That's the only way?
No - there has to be another way!
With her warning he knew to get out of her path in time.
That can't be her answer, there has to be a way around it…
Only to hear her cold answer…
She knew it was true…
So did he…
A Hag's magic is too strong…
He…
He didn't want this to be the answer…
Her screams were warnings but they were terrible to hear…
The fear and agony in her voice to have her body ignore her wants or choices.
Doing things against her will…
…She was begging him to be freed…
Begging him…
To kill her…
And he hesitated…
…Killing should be easy…
Another person's death should be easy to commit with his own hands…
He's done it countless times before
Why can't he do it now?
In his distraction, he felt the cold painful sting shoot up his leg starting from his ankle.
His body crumbled after he lost his footing. When placed in a position that called on his instincts of survival, he drew his dagger.
The sound of the metal leaving its hilt used to be a lovely sound…
Now he hates it…
Knowing the purpose of what that knife had to do…
He looked up and was shocked to watch the warlock step in…
He must be attempting to repay his debt…
Only to find out it wasn't the time or place apparently…
Astarion watches in awe as the bard's fist causes a loud thud to echo throughout this stinky pit and the sound gets followed by the tiefling's shock…
The rogue shouldn't be as impressed as he was since he was very close to death's door..
But the moment she turned to face him, he was struck with a big feeling…
A wave of emotion was making a mess inside of him as she begged for release from her own strength that was harming her friends…
And… she got it…
Karlach surprised them both as she grabbed the bard.
Astarion was met with the most terrible sound he's ever heard in all his life as her voice screamed out in pure agony.
The sound's vibrations were flowing within him causing his insides to writhe in its own torture…
He found himself begging for it to stop…
Astarion: "S-Stop… Please - stop!"
The sound of his voice seemed to shock the barbarian enough to distract her…
Only for an entirely new feeling to course within him the moment he watched the bard bite Karlach with an immense force. The half-tiefling was released from the act.
She lands on her feet and faces the barbarian as her outsides burst into flames from the inside of her body…
Elizabeth was covered in scalding burns and was even set on fire, she still didn't falter.
She bit the fiery tiefling and even drank her fiery blood…
The bard is not even a vampire…
and yet she did the one thing he never would have even attempted…
Karlach is right…
She is a badass, but she was something else too…
The thought popped into his head as she turned to face him with her body lit ablaze.
He had to get out of there, he had to live so he could figure out a way to save her. There must be another way.
He could bring back the rest of the camp…
Fight the Hag and free her from her torture.
It was a good plan, until the shocking pain in his leg caused him to lose his balance once more as he fell back to the ground. He was once again helpless on the ground as he looked back up at her.
She grabbed her sword and even pointed it at him. Menacingly walking towards him with a deathly aura but with tears flooding out her eyes…
Even still… He couldn't think of anything else..
Elizabeth…
She is… so…
…Hot…
He shouldn't be thinking such things while his life is being threatened…
…But he was…
He couldn't help it… it was true…
Even burned, covered in blood, and challenged by her own companions.
Granted they were holding back… and she had no choice but to fight…
It was still her…
Elizabeth was still standing tall…
and she was still the most stunning creature in the world…
Watching her shaky form above him ready to kill and he doesn't move an inch…
Only a small dreamy sigh left his lips…
His eyes widened slightly in shock…
…Is… Is he… swooning?
For… for her?!
Right now?!?!
Now is not the time!
Her words pulled him from his thoughts, he needed to act, but he hesitated still…
She begged him again…
The words sting with a bitter and empty feeling…
She asked him to do something he thought of so many times before…
Something he's already done…
Something that should have been a simple task, that he would normally do within a heartbeat…
Something that shouldn't have come with hesitation or doubt…
He knew what he needed to do, but he couldn't bring himself to…
He heard the words and it felt even worse when it came from her lips, causing a burning ache deep in his chest…
Elizabeth: "Kill me!"
At that moment, all the pleasant memories flowed into his mind…
Each one was precious and it made him realize just how special she was to him…
He recalled the first moment he realized she was cute, the first time she was adorable, and the first time she became beautiful in his eyes…
And now… Hot…
Even though the flames were now gone and her presence had the intention of his death…
Somehow… he wasn't afraid…
He was more attracted to her than he has ever been before...
He finally realized that he didn't fear death… as much as he feared losing her…
He couldn't bring himself to kill her…
Astarion still suffered from the first time he took her life…
After 200 years he felt regret, guilt, shame…
sadness…
…and true fear…
All of it eating him alive even with the threat of death standing right there in front of him…
Astarion never imagined he would ever feel like this…
That he would know the fear of losing someone was more powerful than losing his very own life…
…
How could that be possible?
…
How did she manage to do this to him?
…
What is this feeling when he looks at her?
…
When he smells her…
…
When he tastes her…
…
When he holds her…
…
When he hears her sweet voice…
…
Why can nothing else compare?
…
Why did it make him afraid and yet… fearless?
Weak and… strong…?
Cautious but… courageous…?
Helpless and yet… powerful…?
What emotion causes such sickening displays of vulnerability, demanding desires, and thoughtless acts of kindness?
It can bring him up or tear him down completely just from a simple act or word from her…
Even from just spending 5 seconds in a world without her in it was pure madness and agony unlike anything he ever experienced…
…What made him feel so hopelessly lost without her presence?…
Whatever it was, it was strong…
It strikes back violently at him for even daring to think of harming a single hair on her head…
He looked deep in her eyes and he knew his answer…
From the tearful piercing eyes behind the mask he could see it…
Elizabeth's will to keep him safe overpowering the Hags magic temporarily. Buying him as much time as she could for him to strike…
He could do it…
He could free her…
He could bring her back…
She would be fine…
But he would be cursed once more with her death on his hands…
Cursed under this terrible emotion that makes him feel a worse pain than he's ever known in all his existence…
No form of torture he ever endured compared to the pain of taking her life with his hands…
Before he knew it the words left him… it shocked him completely…
Astarion: "I… I can't…"
His actions were just as baffling and yet he didn't seem to care…
He let go of the knife…
And surprisingly… he felt no regret…
No guilt…
No shame…
No sadness…
…No fear…
Astarion only looked up at the little mess in front of him…
As the tears dripped from her chin he realized it then and there…
Even with her carefree nature…
Even with her crazy personality…
Even with her darkness…
Even if she was the reason for his death…
…She will never be a monster to him…
…She was… Elizabeth…
And Elizabeth… was everything…
Everything he always wished he could be…
…Everything he cherished…
…Everything… to him…
He was saddened that he wasn't strong enough to do what she asked of him…
That he was too weak to do what was necessary to survive…
He felt like he was fighting against everything he was created for in denying her command…
But… this was also her doing…
Not only was she too cute to hate…
Apparently she has become too cute to kill too…
He couldn't bring her harm…
He promised after all…
The words left him as he accepted his fate.
He hoped that the others would be able to do what he was too weak to do….
Even though he should be upset…
Even if this was the last time he saw her…
Even if this was his last chance at living…
If he is to die, this would be merciful in comparison to his fate if he lived any longer…
He was either going to be a mind flayer or a slave again without her here…
None of them gave him a choice, but this time he could…
He gets to choose how he leaves this world...
and somehow he doesn't mind it...
At least he had a wonderful time these past few days…
He grew to treasure every moment he spent with her…
A smile escaped him as he hoped she wouldn't be too torn up about his decision…
That she wouldn't torture herself for something out of her control…
That she will be free someday without him here…
That someday she will be happy and get everything she desires…
That she will still smile and laugh like she used to…
He was saddened by the thought of never seeing her joy again…
Of never being the one to bring her that joy…
But as it turns out… he was selfless too…
Or was this selfish?
He didn't want to go through the pain again…
Besides, this was more than fair…
He killed her, now he can repay that…
Even if no one wanted to bring him back…
He was happy with the short life of freedom got to live…
…With her…
At least this way he could keep all his precious memories in the afterlife…
Instead of losing them to the illithids or to the painful sands of time…
For once…
…Astarion was ready for the end…
Or so he thought…
The smell of her blood brought him out of his haze as it dripped in between them.
He looked at her hands that were now holding the center of the blade…
What is she doing?!
He gets flabbergasted by her own words and actions.
The sincerity… The strength… The power…
All of it courses through her with one final act…
The one thing he never expected to witness…
After hearing words that weren't meant for him… and yet he still felt like they were…
Her face twisted in fury and her voice held determination as she did the one thing no one else could bring themselves to do…
The one thing many people could never do, except for him…
…End her life…
It came so easily to her…
She used every last bit of strength she had…
To keep her friends safe…
To keep him safe…
To keep everyone safe from herself…
She was prepared to sacrifice her own life over and over again…
Enough to take it with her own hands…
…For him…
He reached out to her as the word shouted from his lips.
Astarion: "No!"
He fought the pain to get back up to his feet as his nose flooded with the smell of her delicious blood. He ignored it all as he watched her pull the blade from her body and drop the sword to the ground.
The rogue took every painful step closer to her to catch her frail form as she crumbled in front of him. He protected her from the fall without question as he held her there in his arms.
He rolled her over with all the strength he had to ease her to the ground gently. He stayed there on the ground with her as he stared at her weak eyes through the mask. They could hardly stay open but they fought to get every last glimpse of him as her blood left her and her lungs choked on it…
He couldn't believe it… he had to ask…
Why? Why would she do such a thing?
He couldn't finish his question without her coughing as the blood splattered out of her mouth and onto the ground…
He's never been more painfully sickened by the sight of blood before…
Now he has…
The words that left her next left him completely dumbfounded…
Elizabeth: "Some things… are worth… the sacrifice…"
He stares intensely down at her as he lets those words sink in…
She fought hard for consciousness but she held strong enough to say the most powerful words he has ever heard in a gruff, delicate whisper…
Elizabeth: "You were wrong… before… To me… the world… could never be… the same… without you."
The last word and breath that left her lips was her last second of life as the purple flame died in her eye and the sparkle in the blue stared lifelessly into his eyes.
He thoughtlessly sat up, pulled the mask from her corpse, and tossed it away with force to stare once again at her soft smile and gaze as the blood oozed from her mouth…
He looked down at her corpse searching her dead eyes for more answers…
Only to find more questions…
What did that mean?
Was she serious?
How could she believe such things?
He had nothing to offer this world in comparison to her…
She would do everything better than he ever could…
Without her guidance he would be dead…
…or worse…
He would be the monster he believes himself to be…
But because she didn't see him in that way…
He started to see it too…
He could see that he truly was worth someone else's sacrifice…
She just proved it…
She showed him…
How could he deny it…
His actions inspired her own…
Her actions inspired him…
She gave him warmth and respect…
She gave him kindness and loyalty…
She gave him her life…
Over… and over… and over…
Even faced death twice with a smile on her face…
Just from his presence alone she became something he never expected…
Astarion always believed he would never earn such devotion without a reason or explanation…
That he would have to earn it, even if it meant he didn't like what he had to do to get it…
He's done it so many times before, he was content with doing it again to finally be seen as worthy…
But he did nothing…
He simply existed… and that was enough for her…
No one has ever done that for him…
And no one ever will… except for her…
His body moved mindlessly, his hand caressed her face to slide the hair away from his path and tucked it behind her pointy ears…
His body leaned forward and towered over hers as his vision blurred before he shut his eyes…
His lips softly graced her warm cheek that slowly grew cold…
He felt the wetness roll down his own cheeks and drip onto her skin…
The act sent shivers down his spine as he breathed in her sweet smell and drowned it as it slowly dissipates from her body…
His forehead leans against hers as the shaky whisper leaves his lips…
Astarion: "What did I ever do… to deserve someone like you?"
With a newly found determination, he searched her body to bring her back…
He casted the spell and the life was brought back into her body as her dead eyes flushed with color.
He was so close to hugging her when she sat up...
But the look in her eyes froze him still...
Her next words shocked his very core...
Elizabeth: "I... I think it's best that you wait at camp..."
...What?...
What did she just say?!
His joy was temporary as he was slowly filled with rage...
That's all for now! I went through and updated everything. That's why this chapter took me longer than usual. But I made good changes and I hope I didn't mess anyone up when I made the chapters all wonky. I fixed it the best I could, and I can't wait to get started on the next chapter. Of course after I give my other stories some love first. Have patience, I plan on posting another chapter. I'll burn in hell before I abandon this Fanfiction.
The Quote - I chose to love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection - is by Rumi
I loved it so much I decided to add it in. I might add more poetry along with songs. It fits perfectly in my opinion...
Until next time, my Lovelies!