It's been embarrassingly long. But we'll try this again and see how far we get.
Apologies aren't enough - thank you for reading.

Yumi laid awake, unable to sleep.

He loved her. That thought fluttered her mind. Warm feelings coursed through her… and then went right off a cliff.

Again, emptiness reverberated. Uselessness. Hopeless. Wrong!

Inhaling, she forced her mind back to the original thought. He had said he loved her. And with that thought the flutter came back-

Except- She had a few memories of herself from before…

Before she had been prettier. Athletic. Fit. Strong. Able. Her A-cup breasts, constantly wrapped, had perk and her stomach and torso had been firm and trim. Her hips only back then had a slight curve. He probably could have picked her up one handed, easily. She didn't remember having a single scar, anywhere.

Now… Her gaze went to her scarred bare feet that were sticking out of the banket.

Breathing she tried to find that fluttering feeling again. No amount of inhales and steady breaths filled the emptiness that all the feelings fell into.

She tried again. He had blushed, not turned in disgust, last night after seeing her bare. But she was just a broken empty shell who didn't die. If Hisa and Jinkun hadn't saved her from Lady Tsunade, Naruto would already be on his way to bury her alive.

Unexplained sorrow whittled its way into her joy. Tucking her feet back under the blanket, Yumi pulled it over her head, curling up. Automatically her hand went to the two sand bracelets on her wrist. She wanted to pull them, to hear him say it again, to see his face.

But he probably only loved the her that she wasn't anymore… He probably only loved her for the things she couldn't remember…

Tears filled her eyes and she curled up. The emptiness quaked, ever constant.

Breathing, Yumi tried to will herself back the joy she once had. He loved her. He loved her. He. Yumi saw his face in her mind. Loved. Heard his voice. Her. Felt his sand.

The fluttering feeling came back. But again the emptiness reached out.

Silently hiding under the blanket with her face in her arm, Yumi tried again and again to feel like how the books Matsuri and Asami had lent her. Joy. Hopeful. Excitement. Giddy…

For her, though, those feelings didn't last. Joy turned into dread, hopeful into empty, and excitement into uselessness...

That person she remembered bits and pieces of, the her before, was shattered beyond repair. Soon Naruto would realize she was here and come to bury her, if the moon didn't do her in first…

She shouldn't be. She had died. She was supposed to be dead.

Still. He loved her-

Gaara stepped out onto his patio. Yumi's lean back was to him. Gracefully she moved with ease, picking up a potted sharp cactus twice her size and placing it effortlessly on the bench. Then she picked the bags of soil and poured them in.

He watched, admiring her radiant strength.

Her head turned towards him, her dark charcoal hair brushed by the breeze fluttered up. Her lips were a smile. Both her bright green eyes met his, "Good morning."

She spun and took a few steps to him. Her baggy cloth pants framed her narrow hips before they flared out. Her half open shirt showed off her abs and her overly tight bindings that her small breasts nearly flat.

Gaara's eyes narrowed. She was binding too tightly, again. "You shouldn't do that."

Yumi's green eyes rolled and landed back on the pot. "It's pretty, isn't it, the cactus and pot together?"

The large clay pot was embroidered with brightly stitched animals while the cactus had five inch deadly spines in all directions.

"Yes." He knew she liked it.

Her understanding smile widened, her teeth stained with blood. The blood vessels in her right eye popped as her lip split. "Too bad it can't be."

She raised a broken hand with ripped off nails. Behind her the pot fell untouched. It shattered without a sound. Spines scattered, turning to dust. The cactus's flesh wilted. Only a tenth of the clay shell remained, its embroidery unwoven.

Gaara's eyes went back to Yumi-

Blood ran down from both her eyes like tears. Her shirt was soaked in it while her left pant leg flopped as if empty. Her raised hand fell back to her side limp, the movement causing the skin from her shoulder to flop open.

"The pot was too small, but the plant can't survive without it..." She crouched reaching her good arm into the ball of dirt from the shattered clay. With a shake the ball of dirt was shown as roots tightly coiled. She smiled, a gaping hole on her right cheek showed her jaw and teeth. Half her intestines had spilled out as she stood up and then gently tossed the root ball back towards the largest piece of shattered clay. Her head cocked watching the sight, her hair in chunks fell. The once colorful embroidery was now one color, red. "Couldn't hold it, but this works. No?"

Slowly her head turned back towards him. She coughed, blood spewing out from her mouth. Her knees shattered and her body fell.

Gaara rushed forward. Her hand kept him back

"It's this or death. So isn't this better? I did good, right? Praise me-" the wet whisper broke into coughs, her rib bones punctured her chest. Her left eye now was just a hollow socket staring emptily at him.

Gaara shot up from his bed. His fingers gripped the blanket, his sand ready to do something, anything.

Drenched in sweat he barely recognized his own room.

Heart pounding, he needed her. He needed to verify she was alive. Immediately he felt for the sand on her skin. He felt her curled in the hammock, her face tucked into her arm.

Everything within him calmed. It was just a dream-

Letting only his head fall back until he faced the ceiling. He repeated that thought again. It was just a dream.

She's okay. She's not hurt. He didn't fail her-

And then he felt it wet her face - blood pooling in her steady gaze, down her cheeks. Sand whirled on its own. It cleaned off the sweat off him. In seconds he was at her door with a fresh layer of sand.

The only reason he hadn't gone directly in was that it was too far from morning. But he couldn't wait for the blood to soak her clothes again. The side of his knuckles knocked twice.

Inside, the knock raised Yumi's eyes and her arm moved away from her face. The emptiness made her not want to move, but if it was Gaara, then she would. Slowly, she rose with her eyes on the door trying to see through it.

The double knock sounded again, followed by Gaara's voice "Yumi, Hiiro?"

He loved her. Rolling quicker, her feet touched the floor. She glanced at the painting on the wall - a drop in the ocean… Ungracefully she half stumbled. Her hand smoothed down the silk pajama dress knee-length hem that had bunched at her too-wide hips. Immediately she felt flustered and ugly.

Swallowing that feeling back into the emptiness, she padded towards the door. "Coming."

Brushing her eyes with her finger tips, she cleared the tears that had pooled. If she could have heard the sound of the ocean, she wouldn't have cried… Rubbing her eyes again she knew even if she were back at the ocean, she would have still cried...

Her hand turned the knob and opened the door. Meeting teal eyes, Yumi dashed her own gaze away. Hesitantly, she glanced back at him again. Even with his hair uncombed, he looked handsome and kind. He actually loved her? Hope attempted to spark yet again. Breathing, seeing his face before her, she remembered that he was the one who had said she was important. He had said her worth wasn't about use or ability, so…was that true about how she looked too? Half biting the inside of her mouth, she broke the silence first. "Y-yes?"

Gaara scanned her relieved to see no blood nor injury. But her tone was off. Had yesterday scared her too much or was it something else? The dream and the image of last night's blood soaked clothes flashed through his mind. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. Sleeping after an attack can be… difficult" He struggled. What would Kankuro do? Naruto? Any normal person other than him?

At his statement she shook her head no. Then her gaze dimmed briefly and mix matched eyes scanned his own. Her lip curled down. Ever so slightly, her head moved in exhausted agreement-

Gaara didn't wait. Gently his sand opened her door so his arms could wrap around her. Without thought he swooped her up into his embrace.

In the suddenness Yumi's arms went about his shoulders, her face then tucked down.

"Sorry." He held her, "if this is too forward-"

Embarrassment and nervousness filled the emptiness, "no."

Sand surrounded them completely. He moved such that he was seated. Where and on what, she wasn't sure but she was now in his lap with his arms about her and hers about him. He didn't speak but just held her. Embarrassment multiplied through her. And yet she felt a tension that had been in his arms relax.

"I told you I would protect you, and you got hurt. I'm sorry." Gaara finally spoke. His nightmare had to be because of yesterday's genjutsu.

Yumi blinked, raising her head. "No. I-I wasn't hurt-"

"Yumi." Gaara pulled his head back to meet her eyes, his tone serious.

"Sabaku." She matched the tone with the same seriousness. But then that seriousness fell off the cliff within her.

The emptiness stole everything.

For a moment Gaara noticed that she was like before, but her firm gaze broke with the unease returning. Her eyes drifted away from him to the wall of sand that surrounded them. Turning back to him, she frowned with worry. "I-I wasn't hurt. It-it wasn't scary…" Her voice tightened, "you be-being hurt was sc-cary. Th-th-that Konoha wo-woman wa-was, i-i-is scary… I…" loss filled her gaze and as if ashamed, her eyes lowered and her voice quieted, "I use to be, use to be stronger I think… and… Kuro was-was with me… and my bodyguard, Kawa… I… just… feel empty. I… I… don't want… to be buried, buried alive too. But what… what if… the moon comes after you too? Then isn't it better if-"

"No." Gaara's hand went to the side of her head, wishing to press his will, his resolve into her. "No." Gently he pressed just a bit, palatable her head moved with his touch. "I'm strong Yumi and… you still are too."

Inhaling, feeling his hand against her head felt good, like care. Slowly she brought her gaze to meet his. How could someone like him, love her? But… she did like him, even if he was wrong. "I'm… not. I… the moon… the moon broke me-"

Immediately the dream came to Gaara's mind, the pot that shattered after the soil was placed in. Monochrome blood red clay shards and the cacti reduced to only a tightly wound root ball.

"Hm" Gaara didn't know what words to say.

Instead he stroked her scarred cheek. Then he embraced her again. She again did the same. Maybe it would be better if they slept in the same room?

They had slept better together in his sand ball on her hammock.

Breakfast was quieter afare with things different between them, but now he had to do what he had planned to before everything went so ary- "We are going to see Lady Tsunade and Ino today."

Her entire demeanor changed. He could practically hear her heart stop.

"Um," She couldn't breathe. "Um," Her fingers rubbed the fabric of the bright colored dress she had picked out. Nervousness that Naruto would join with the moon because of this woman wrung out within her. But Gaara, he- "You…" Yumi swallowed, so illogically afraid. "You-"

Gaara stepped forward, and as his new default, his hand cupped her face. "It will be okay."

Immediately her head shook no. It wouldn't.

"I won't let anyone bury you- ever."

Swallowing hard, she met his clear teal gaze.

His gaze changed. "I'm Sabaku no Gaara- I'm the one who buries people, not them, not Lady Tsunade, not Ino, not Naruto."

A stream of sand spiraled up his torso and then corkscrewed down his arm. It followed his hand to her and yet again she was thickly coated so she could feel its presence. His promise..

Her head nodded. Less afraid, her eyes searched his face while she soaked him in. His gaze made her heart beat. His face was not expressive; most might not notice it, but she saw it. His care and concern. Taller than her, he felt bigger. Although she was wider than him, his presence was more. Unlike her who was broken, he was solid. Again she nodded her head.

"Asami will be there too."

"What?" Her head cocked to the side and her hair fanned, "what?"

Gaara let his hand come back to his side, as he explained. "They may be able to help her get mobility back for her leg. Potentially not need the brace. That's what they do, they are medics."

Relief and hope for Asami briefly bloomed before it fell into the emptiness within her. "Can, can Jinkun and Hi-hisa come?"

"I'll be with you." Gaara countered. An annoyance twisted through him. He wanted to be the one she asked for, not them.

He watched as her eyes wrinkled just slightly and her smile bloomed. "Thank you."

The softness of her skin, the rough edges of her scars, the warmth of her blush, the crease of her smile- made him wish to trace her cheek with his hand again. His gaze traveled to her lips, wishing.

Swallowing, Gaara silently nodded yet again, meeting her eyes. But only for a moment before going back to her lips. But he shouldn't- at least not without her- "consent."

Yumi's eyebrows furrowed, "huh?"

This time his hand went to the top of her head. Softly it traced down to the scarred side of her face and to her battered cheek. His teal eyes narrowed just slightly before relaxing.

"Yumi," his husky tone lowered as his gaze stirred. His thumb brushed across her lower lip. Then his hand fell away, back to his side, and stepped back.

Clearing his throat, Gaara looked away. "We should get ready. Asami and Tomohisa will be here soon."

Yumi felt herself blush absent-mindedly. "okay."

On the empty kitchen table, Gaara gaze landed on her favorite tea. He should have kissed her, but he didn't yet have consent.

Kami

…

…

"I can't believe Lady Tsunade is really going to look at my leg. Kazekage-sama, thank you. Kami, I always knew it was a good thing to befriend you Yumi!" Asami's arm interlinked with Yumi's as she grinned ear to ear. "Lady Tsunade is the best known medical nin in the ninja world!"

Despite Asami's excitement, Yumi just felt fear.

"Brother," Temari's voice called out, her lips parted in a large smile. Shikadai was on her hip with one hand gripped around a small black toy. "Ah, Asami, Tomohisa, Yumi- Greetings. Am I interrupting?"

"We are just headed to the ninja medical wing. The Kazekage got me an appointment with Lady Tsunade to look at my leg." Joy radiated through Asami and Temari's gaze warmed.

"I'm glad to hear that." The older blonde smoothly replied before glancing at Tomohisa and then finally meeting her own gaze.

Yumi longed for Gaara's hand. His sand wasn't enough. She wanted to go to the greenhouse and pick up snakes. She needed Jinkun and Hisa who Gaara had convinced her should stay home. The emptiness within her was drowning her soul and stealing all of her air.

"Mind if I walk with you? Sai is going to take Shikadai and Inojin to a toddler park later this morning. Say hi, Shikadai."

The little boy placed the black piece that was in his hand into his mouth while he stared at their group with an intense gaze.

"He's like his father, not a morning person." Temari adjusted her little boy as she dismissed his lack of response. "Also, brother, Mahjong is a little advanced for him even if he was eight, which he's not." She stared directly at her brother's with a slight twitch on her left eye, then she rolled her head towards Asami. "Things were better when you picked out the gifts he sent-"

"Oh, no, I didn't! Anything the Kazekage or Kazekage's office sent is from the Kazekage, didn't you read the card?"

"Uh-huh." Temari's tone believed none of Asami's script. "Let's go."

The group again traveled forward except somehow rather than being paired with Sabaku on one side and Asami on the other and Tomohisa on the far side of Asami. Now Yumi was between Sabaku and Temari. The blonde had wedged herself in even with Asami previously having elbow locked with her.

"I heard about last night. Must have been scary." Temari glanced at Sabaku. "Yumi?"

Surprised it was her that Temari was talking to, Yumi's head turned. Almost immediately she felt sand coil, reminding her to keep her eyes on the path so not to trip again. "Oh," Yumi dropped her gaze to the sand, still surprised it was her. "Um. N-no. Your brother was there."

Temari's gaze then jumped to Gaara who seemed to walk just a bit taller. Her brother's sand clone had been the one to tell her to come here. Was it so he could show off? Wasn't the Kazekage having ultimate defense a given!? "I see… well I'm glad."

"What happened last night?" Asami peered at Yumi.

"Uh, there was a person and some others. But Gaara, Kuro, and Kawa were there."

Asami's face wrinkled in confusion.

"Anyway, I'm glad you are okay. Lady Tsunade is a good person. I've gotten a chance to know her living in the leaf village. She's the one who checked out Shikadai when he was born." Temari turned to her son, smiling, "You like her don't you, Shikadai?"

Yumi's fear paused. If Shikadai was okay with Lady Tsunade-

No, Shikadai was a child, not a monster like she was. However others were to him, didn't mean how'd they be to her.

"I still can't believe I have a Konoha child." The woman spoke again, drawing Yumi's attention.

Temari still noticed her questioning gaze. "When we were growing up, Suna and Konoha were not allied as they are now."

"Su-su-su-." They were allied!? Did that mean Suna would bury her too!? As the fear crawled into her scalp, Gaara's sand hugged her a little tighter.

"Yeah. Suna and Konoha were enemies." Temari misunderstood Yumi's surprise on allyship as surprised they were enemies. "Even my siblings and I were even sent on a mission to try to destroy their village- although we didn't know others were manipulating us at the time."

Wait- Gaara and her had tried to destroy Konoha? That was a good thing then, right? Because then he could break from them again to protect her?

"Sometimes it's strange to me how everything turned out. That a boy I met back then is my husband now and a village we were sent to under hostile terms, is now where I live. That my child or children will grow up as Konoha ninja. I guess it shows you never know what good can come or how things can heal in the future."

Glad that Gaara had taken on Konoha, shocked that they were allies, and completely unsure what all this meant, Yumi barely registered that they were now outside of the hospital.

"Ah, Ino, Sai." Temari increased her speed. In front of them was a man with black hair and a woman with long blonde hair.

"Temari." The woman, probably called Ino, greeted back.

Yumi's pace slowed. Ino was a Konoha medical ninja… Did Ino know Naruto? But… Gaara could take Naruto - they took on Konoha before-

"Tomohisa, can you take Asami first?" Gaara spoke off to her side.

"I know the way." Asami's hand went to her hip. Then she turned towards Yumi, "isn't this exciting. Hopefully her medical genius can help us heal a bit more." Without warning, Yumi was embraced by the limping woman. Then her friend turned to Sabaku, "thank you again Kazekage-sama."

"Hn," he gave a nod.

The two walked forward leaving only herself and Sabaku still at the door.

"Yumi?" His tone flipped the nerves within her. It was as if he knew she wasn't okay right now.

Trusting, Yumi let her head shake side to side in a no. No she wasn't okay.

Gently sand wrapped around them. When it cleared, they were in a room that looked a bit like a hospital exam room but it was only the two of them alone.

"I won't force you, but-" he hesitated. His teal gaze searched her own. "They won't hurt you. I won't let them."

"Would it be okay… better… if I stayed with you?" Gaara changed his wording, and his approach. "Lady Tsunade helped me during the war. Though you do not remember it, she also assisted you. She's retired from her Hokage position and mostly visits spas and gambling parlors… and bars... Ino-san learned medical ninjutsu under her along with Sakura. You and her met here in Suna when she was helping with a plague here. Her child and my nephew play rather frequently, according to my sister at least."

The sound of his voice filled the vast emptiness and fought against the fear within her. Slowly her hand went to his clothing to grasp it as if it would give her the grounding she needed. "It-it's good they play."

"I agree." Gaara's head bobbed once.

Again arms wrapped around her. More sand layered itself across her skin. If it didn't lift itself off her each time, she would have already been buried - by sand. Actually, that sounded good. Buried by sand might be enough to drown the emptiness that constantly was threatening her demise.

"Breathe then we'll go together - okay?" Gaara wondered if he sounded fake. Words like this were not something he said.

Slowly she nodded, "okay." Her hands squeezed him and then slowly released, "y-y-you'll protect me?"

"Yes."

"Then okay." Yumi inhaled, but she didn't actually feel much better. She never did…

Gently he let her go and brushed her hair back behind her ear. Sand again circled them. When it left, they were now standing in the hospital wing waiting room that she knew well.

"Yumi!" The woman with long blonde hair who has been outside before, jumped up to them. "It's great to see you in person. Lady Tsunade is going to help Asami so I'll do your checkup if that's okay."

Yumi's hand gripped tighter on Gaara as she froze unsure. His hand gently returned pressure on her own, as if to say he wasn't leaving.

"This is Yamanaka Ino, who I have been telling you about-""Nothing bad I hope!" The blonde interrupted him.

Gaara gently shook his head no causing Ino to smile. Not noticing her discomfort, Ino leaned to her. "You can't believe what these boys will say about us. Suna's nicer though."

"Ino," Gaara spoke again. "I'll be present while you scan Yumi."

Immediately Ino frowned. "It's a chakra sweep - and unless Yumi says it's okay, I can't-"

"Itisokay." The words rushed out of her immediately. Ino paused and assessed her, but then smiled gently.

"Well then, shall we?" Ino's arm swept towards a room and immediately Yumi felt her heart drop. They were going to find out-

Gaara stepped forward first. Still holding his hand, Yumi followed half a step behind. He said he'd protect her. Her heart fluttered and she felt slightly less suffocated. He said he'd stop them before they'd do anything to her.

Confidence slowly etched its way back into her. Grain by grain it rebuilt. Then the emptiness rang, reminding her she was still wrong.

"So how are you liking Suna?" Ino spun the moment they were in the room.

"I like it." Yumi replied, thinking more of Sabaku than the sand village.

The blonde grinned, "good. Adjusting well?" She gestured to the bed but Yumi didn't move.

"I'll go first." Again Gaara stepped forward but paused. He glanced towards their hands then into Yumi's preoccupied gaze. "Stand beside me?" He gave her hand a light squeeze, bringing her focus back to him.

She nodded. Again he moved and sat on the bed with Yumi next to him.

"Uh," Yumi realized she hadn't answered Ino's question. "I-I- think I am… I like it here. Gaara helped me find volunteering work."

"Nice. I know it must be different from tea country. What type of volunteering or fun things are you doing?" While talking, Ino walked to the other side of Gaara and placed her hands on his back.

"I sew. Help with the gardens. I, I am l-learning to cook... And am, am in a civilian de-defense class. Normal things."

"I can feel your chakra flowing through me lightly." Gaara spoke.

Ino's hands, which had been moving, paused. "Uh yes-" Her eyes went to Yumi and then widened, "oh yes. As you may not know, I'm gently placing some of my chakra into you to scan your body to learn about it - how it's doing, feeling, if there's anything of concern, and so forth. I'll move my hands around your chakra points lightly touching. Once done with your back and shoulders, I'll move to your stomach and legs."

"Hn."

"K, stomach and legs next." Ino removed her arms from his back and walked around. Making eye contact with Yumi she smiled, "Gardening is nice. I'm not sure if the Kazekage told you, but my family runs a flower shop."

"N-no, he didn't. We-we talk about other things usually." Yumi wanted to protect Gaara from any trouble he might get for having not mentioned such a shop.

"Oh?" Ino had one of her hands on his sternum and the other his shoulder. Then she removed both and placed them on his stomach. "What things do you like to talk about?"

Yumi blinked as her chest tightened. "Um." Only able to see Ino, her mind paused. "Uh-" The panic began to set in again-

"Teas." Gaara spoke and immediately the crawling fear ceased. "Cacti. Defense class. Movies. Suna."

Ino smiled and glanced at the stoic man. Then she sidestepped and pressed on Gaara's side. "Temari told me about your cacti garden."

"Yumi has added to it as well."

"Oh?" Ino's voice perked up, "that's good!"

"Seven pots and two cacti which I didn't have yet."

Ino grinned as her two hands clasped around Gaara's upper left arm and slowly she followed it down. Then she did the same to the other side. Finally she pressed on his thighs and followed those down to his feet. "Seems like you are doing really well. And with that I'm done with the Kazekage."

Gaara studied her and then lazily asked, "your conclusion?"

Ino's eyes smiled and her mouth curved up. "Some things we might be able to help. Seems like you aren't sleeping as well as a medic would like. There's a couple things that we can't do for, but we might have a regiment which could help with a few improvements."

Gaara nodded and then looked to Yumi. He didn't ask but she knew - her turn.

He rose, and she sat down. It was exactly what was done to him - the feeling was odd… but actually felt better than the nothingness that liked to exist otherwise. Again they conversed until she too was done.

"Conclusion?" Gaara asked as Yumi suddenly found herself mute with nerves, more so than when the testing had started.

Ino's lips curled up slightly, but Yumi didn't notice that the medic's professional smile didn't reach her eyes this time. In fact, her gaze was far more complicated- "Well, you also aren't sleeping too well it seems - which is understandable. I wouldn't be either… But there's several things we'll be able to help with. Similar to the Kazekage, a regiment may allow for improvements. However…" Ino's tone turned down, "there's only so much we'll be able to do. A number are unlikely to be returned to previous state - like the ability to have children… I'm sorry."

"Ah no. That's okay. I mean, I don't know- I mean- you… you don't have to say sorry-." Yumi glanced between Gaara and Ino uncertain.

"I do- I came here thinking we could heal you back to a hundred percent. I didn't know-"

The emptiness within her roared like a tundra. It chilled her bones and screamed in her ears. A hundred percent normal never to be again. But this, this she already knew. "I-I know. I- I wasn't expecting anyone to."

Grief plastered across Ino's face. Suddenly both her arms wrapped around Yumi who sat there frozen, still holding onto Gaara's. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Yumi, completely hollow, automatically replied. She even patted Ino's back with her free hand, but while doing so she lightly squeezed Gaara's who squeezed hers back.

"Maybe the Hokage and I can find something. Okay?" Ino slowly released her.

Yumi's gaze dropped. Inside the empty void that she was, inside the person that even the moon itself hated- Yumi knew. This was fate, there would be nothing anyone could do.

"Alright." His voice accompanied a strong hand which pulled her to him causing her to stand. "When will Lady Tsunade be done and here?"

"Probably shortly. Asami's surgeries should take about fifteen more minutes?"

His head nodded. The emptiness that had roared back to life was still surrounding her. But his hand was like the ground: firm, kind, steady, and reliable.

A long silent pause occurred before Ino finally broke the silence. "So after this, how would you like to go shopping together? We could even drag the boys along."

Yumi's hand tightened on Gaara's. Her eyes drifted to Gaara's face. She did not want to go with leaf ninjas without him - ever.

Gaara didn't frown, although he wanted to. He had zero desire to shop with Ino. With a drift of his fingers, he summoned a sand cone to pop up before his brother.

"You'll join in shopping later. Bring Asami." He gave the order

"Uh- what?"

"Shopping. Asami." He repeated before collapsing the clone leaving a flabbergasted Kankuro.

Staring at Ino, Gaara's sand tugged Yumi further into him. "Asami and Kankuro are interested in joining too."

Ino blinked once, twice, and three times- "and you'll be joining too?"

"Did you not just invite me?" Gaara kept his perfect Kazekage stoic mask still.

Ino's eyes widened just slightly before her eyes went to Yumi with a knowing gaze. A mischievous look then took over, "yes. Us and the boys, right Yumi?"

Although Ino was smiling brilliantly and Gaara along with others were joining in shopping- Yumi just felt empty. Still, she tried to smile.

He loved her-

"Knock, knock" Verbal words came from the tapping on the door.

Yumi's smile faltered. Sand opened the door, revealing Lady Tsunade and Hiiro's face returned to her normal uncertainty.

"Master-" Ino stepped forward first while Gaara stepped to the side.

Yumi kept herself tucked to Gaara's side.

The two women talked quietly before looking at her.

With her hand behind her back, Lady Tsunade pulled out a bag and directed it to Yumi. "It's not as good as my favorite, but I think you will like it."

An amazing smell of pastry and sugar wafted from the bag. It was something Jun would probably like, whatever it was. But Jun wasn't here.

Yumi lightly shook her head no. "I'm not, I'm not hungry. Y-y-you can have it." She blinked.

Lady Tsunade stood frozen for a moment. As if declining had been completely unexpected. Yumi's gaze fell as nerves wound up within her. If this person was so great at medical, then wouldn't she find out. Would she tell Naruto?

Her stomach twisted, making her the complete opposite of hungry.

"I'll go first." Gaara's voice broke her spiraling thoughts.

Yumi let her head shake no. If she waited, the nerves would be worse. "I'll…" her voice barely managed to make it out her throat, "do it. Y-y-you don't have to f-f-for me. I-I-I-I know you j-just did that, just did that be-be-be-... f-for me." Turning her head and raising it, she met his teal eyes that only held her. Warmth entered her vacant soul. "Thank you."

"You-" Hiiro flinched at the interruption, "-two are doing well. Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." Lady Tsunade put her hands up innocently.

"Here," She placed the bag down. "I'll do this fast, then we can get drinks afterwards, okay?"

Tense, Yumi ungratefully settled into the seated position on the exam bed. Fear crawled into her lungs as the Konoha ninja's hand came towards her. Silently shaking, she let it come. The woman gently placed her palm against Yumi's collarbone. Again that tingling feeling expanded out. Gaara squeezed her hand as she forgot to breathe.

Lady Tsunade moved her hand from her lungs to her forehead. Then from her forehead to the back of her neck, and then her back on her left side. "Okay. A few quick questions. On a scale of one to ten, 10 being just good and 1 being life is just a bit too difficult, how would you rank how you feel?"

One. Hiiro answered in her mind honestly. One, one, one. But… she had made it to Suna. She had a place she was helping. There were people who looked out for her. There was Gaara…

One. The emptiness was relentless though and everything about her was wrong. A dead shell - what about her was worth loving? Yumi's gaze fell as she struggled.

"Actually," Lady Tsunade lifted her voice. "It's okay. You did well. Thank you for letting me examine you. I think there's some things we can do but first let's talk."

She reached over and grabbed the office chair. It screeched as it slid on the hard floor. Flipping it so the back was towards Yumi, the blonde older woman straddled it. "Ino, Kazekage, you two might as well find a seat as well."

Ino hopped on the desk whereas Gaara sat behind her on the examination bed, his hand wrapped partially about her stomach.

Fat… it would be impossible for him to not notice all her fat and difference. Did he really still love her? She couldn't even figure out how to love herself-

"So-" The woman's voice broke into Yumi's spiral. "What do you know about Chakra?"

As if it was normal to not know anything, Lady Tsunade explained it. Hiiro found out her chakra pathways had been torn but were repairable. They would help her gain a bit more strength and energy, help her feel less off if she was feeling strange.

Gaara felt Yumi perk up at the comment of feeling better.

"... and I'm going to work with your doctors as I believe we may want to try a bit different medication. Trauma really affects the mind and once clinically depressed, it's normal to find it difficult to maintain or feel without chemical assistance. If you've been having feelings of emptiness, dullness, suicidal thoughts - that's all normal part of healing and with a little help, hopefully we can move on to the next stages of healing." The older blonde woman gently smiled.

Gaara blinked at the mention of suicidal thoughts. I can't die- Her words echoed along with the implication that maybe she once had tried. Did she still want to die, if she could? A little tighter, he held her. If she was at risk of suicide, should he let her out of his sight?

"Um, th-thank you." Yumi lowered her head while slowly moving her hand towards Gaara's arm that was tightly holding her. She placed her palm on the back of his hand. "I-I-I would like to be, more normal."

"We can work on that - but between you and me, normal is overrated." Lady Tsunade winked.

Ino grinned, "agreed. So, shall we go shopping?"

"Ah- first let me try our first treatment, and then give me a couple hours. New prescriptions to work on and all." Still seated, Lady Tsunade leaned forward until her hands could just barely touch Yumi's knees.

Under the dress, tingling occurred. It felt like the brush of the tall grass from when she had walked to the ocean. Not quite a prickle but not smooth. Within her legs, she could feel veins or maybe strings? A pathway knitted up from her knees towards her thighs and down towards her feet.

"I start with the legs so that when we get to your heart, your chakra lines are ready for the change. This might help a bit with balance and mobility too. Physical therapy still important though."

Yumi nodded her head, "th-th-thank you. R-really."

She shouldn't have feared them. They weren't Naruto.

And they made her wonder - Could a dead person live?

Yumi glanced at her hand over his. She wanted to live.

No… she didn't.

But, she wanted to want to live.

She wanted to feel a fluttering giddy happy joy that didn't plummet off the cliff.

He loved her, and she truly did like him. So… could she figure out how to like herself too? Do all this and somehow avoid Naruto and the moon?

Nervous, Yumi didn't dare to hope - but she wanted to want to. For now emptiness was all that replied back.

...

Please review - it does motivate and inspire me.
Thank you!

Also our poor star crossed lovers - hopefully from here on out it's up and up. (I kinda hope they start sleeping together and then maybe sleeping together. Although I doubt Yumi's okay with showing any more skin, until she learns to like herself again. Pain, difficulty, and trauma can't be underestimated.)