Co-written with Nancy, somewhere after Book 8 came out. Back in the early Yahoo days, there were several of us that wrote cooperatively. It was a lot of fun. Rated M and I am pretty sure Nancy wrote the M-rated parts. It occurred to Nancy and I that pretty much everything we wrote together was angsty and dark and I think we might have written a few things under the author name "The Depressing Twins" - "twins" although we were probably 20 years apart in age and lived on opposite US coasts.
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes the hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're going to drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know how to give up the fight
The things you wanted that will never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
I don't want to beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Rain – Patty Griffin
He was cold and wet to the skin and his clothes clung to his body hampering even the slightest movement. But discomfort was something he had learned to simply endure and the discomfort caused by his clothing was not significant compared to the discomfort and anger pouring off the unusually silent woman sitting next to him in his car as he drove. She wore his jacket over her shoulders and Tank's jacket was across her legs and she was still shivering.
He reached to the temperature controls on the console and turned on the heater. She snapped upright and turned the heater to the highest setting, and the vents of the Mercedes roared as near-volcanic heat poured out. He started to reach for the controls to turn the fan down, but a quick sideways glance confirmed how much of a mistake that would be. Smoothly he changed the gesture to simply shut the vents on his side of the car.
Most of his attention was focused on the streets through which he drove but he slid occasional small glances her direction. As always, her face and her body language told him everything he needed to know about what she was thinking and how she felt. Even her hair spoke to him, the humidity and the heat and air from the vents making her hair stand up and away from her head and tightening her curls.
It had not been his intention that they get quite so wet, but, somehow, as things had a habit of doing around her, the routine decoy job had become unroutine, turning into a standoff in the cold downpour. He admitted to himself that she'd taken the worst of it, dressed in her barely-there decoy outfit which wouldn't have kept her warm if she'd been spritzed at a perfume counter, much less standing in the rain, engaged in a cursing match with a mostly drunken skip. It never failed to surprise him how much trouble she could get into and it never failed to amaze him how determined and resourceful she could be in trying to get out of trouble. Not necessarily successfully.
Covertly he admired the stretch of the sodden material across her breasts, the originally snug fit enhanced now by the wet drape and pull of the clingy fabric. A fast tactile memory rose in his body - the feel of the smooth skin and soft weight of those breasts, bare, the hard nub of her aroused nipple pushing against the palm of his hand. He closed both hands on the steering wheel, wrapping his fingers slowly around the smooth soft leather, and looked back out at the streets. Before he could shut the stream of sensations off, he remembered the taste and texture of her nipples as he licked them and then sucked them into his mouth. He shifted slightly in his seat.
He pulled into her parking lot and before the car had even stopped completely she had opened the door and was moving.
"Wait, Babe," he said softly, leaning across her to hold the door handle closed. "Let me go up and check the apartment." He could feel the water dripping off of the ends of her hair and onto his arm.
He saw anger flash across her face, followed by something that looked a lot like fear. But she nodded her agreement. He had seen that look a few times in the couple of weeks since he'd taken Abruzzi out. Her underlying unease around him and been overprinted by the stark terror of her kidnap and by the knowledge of what he had done for her. Another reason on the long list of reasons to stay away from her.
And yet, reasons or not, here he was, parking his car and opening her door as the rain began again, an icy rain accompanied by raw gusts of wind. By the time he had opened her door, pulled her out of the car and fast-walked them to the entryway of the building, they were both wet and cold again, the temporary heat of the Mercedes forgotten.
When she chose, without comment, to climb the stairs with him he knew he had underestimated her level of fear.
He took the keys to her apartment from her and unlocked the door, his hand easing into position next to the butt of his 9mil. A quick walk-through turned up nothing that seemed out of place and he walked back to the doorway and flipped on the lights, nodding her into her own apartment. He was pleased to see the quick flash of fire from her eyes at his nod.
"You're dripping wet," she said, looking at the small puddle forming near his feet.
He grinned at her. "You, too, Babe."
She scowled at him. "I suppose you find that amusing." She tossed Tank's jacket over the back of the couch and folded her arms tight across her chest.
He considered her a moment, wearing his jacket which was nearly longer than her tight dress, her hair wilder than normal, her long, long legs and high heels. "Not amusing," he said, his voice pitched a little lower than normal.
She turned away from him and picked Tank's jacket back up and shoved it into his hands. "Tell Tank thanks for me, will you?"
He reached out and touched her shoulder and felt her pull away. "My jacket," he said softly.
She stopped, his hand still on her shoulder, and turned back to him. She looked at him strangely, as though just seeing for the first time that he wore only a t-shirt. "Oh," she said. "Your jacket."
He tightened his hand on her shoulder and brushed his thumb along her collarbone. "My jacket," he repeated, taking a step closer to her, until he stood close but not touching.
Her eyes widened, the blue deepening, pulling him in further. "Let go of me," she whispered.
His gaze locked with hers, brown latching onto blue, until he gave a slight nod and took a small step back.
Allowing her the distance she wanted, he widened the space between and saw her drop her eyes as she blew out an audible sigh of relief and struggled to free her arms from the sleeves of his jacket. He watched the damp leather stick to her wet skin and the minute she pulled her arms free, the skin covering her body rose in prickly gooseflesh.
"You're freezing," he said softly.
She thrust the jacket at him, shaking it slightly until he grabbed it from her hand. "I'm fine." She watched him as he ran a hand through his dripping wet hair; tried not to cringe as the excess drops flew from his fingers and scattered against the dull wood of her floor. Shaking, she wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head as he began trying to shrug on the wet jacket over his thin, soaked t-shirt. "Wait here a minute."
He smoothly raised an eyebrow, but remained silent as she made her way down the short hall to the bathroom. Kicking her shoes off to a darkened corner, she padded back silently holding a dry, folded towel. "Dry yourself off first, then put the jacket on."
He took the towel from her hands, and ran it first over his arms then reached up and rubbed it over his head. He smiled, a full wattage smile with more than just a hint of wolf as he handed it back to her. "That's good enough."
She licked her suddenly dry lips and reached for it with a shaky hand. She was almost sorry she had given him the damn thing, the sight of him wet was so incredible. Just as her fingertips hit the slightly damp cotton, he pulled it back, a teasing glint in his eye. Taking a small step toward her, he grinned. "Here. Let me."
Before she could answer he was behind her, one hand lifting the sodden mass of her curls as the other ran the towel down the back of her dress. She shivered again, though this time from the heat rather than the chill, and closed her eyes. His fingers ran gently up the back of her neck, burying themselves in the back of her hair, his thumb softly caressing the chilled skin. She heard the dull thump of the towel hitting the floor, then felt his hand as his fingers closed around the side of her waist, his hand tugging her gently back against him.
The fingers in her hair tightened, then pulled back causing her head to drop and exposing her neck as the fingers of his other hand splayed wide against her ribcage. She could feel him, hot and hard against her. Her eyes fluttered closed as he brushed his lips, tentatively, almost questioningly over her neck before pulling away.
"Yes?" His breath was hot and throaty against her neck, his question more of a confirmation.
She pivoted on bare feet to face him. His hand was tangled in her hair, his lips inches from hers. She looked up into his dark eyes and found herself looking into desire. He wanted her and she wanted him. Even if he had stupid rules about it. Even if it was only for the moment. The moment would be consuming, blazing and would wipe away the cold she felt, outside and inside her body. She licked her lips and felt him, watching her.
"Yes," she breathed, and reached her chilled hands to his warmth.
The rain fell hard, a dissonant symphony of water cascading off the rusting and weathered metal of the fire escape jutting just outside her window. The window was opened, the filmy white curtain billowing in the harsh breeze of the storm. Standing to the side of her bed, Stephanie reached forward and laid tentative hands against Ranger's sides, her fingers reveling in the feel of his hard muscles and heated skin resting under her hands.
The room was dark, save for the scattered luminescent glow of clouded moonlight filtering in through night. As the curtains bucked and twisted in the wind, their bodies were outlined before being tossed back into the shadows. He stepped closer to her, and her hands slid around to rest against the small of his back.
She looked up into his eyes; worried, troubled blue staring into his dark, bottomless brown. She bit her lower lip. "Ranger – "
Wrapping his hands around her back he pulled her towards him, tucking her head against his chest. Running a hand over her damp curls, he let the fingers of his other hand trail slowly up the material of the back of her dress to rest against the bare skin at the top of her spine. "Ssh" he whispered darkly. "Later, we talk."
She nodded and dragged her lips across the damp fabric of his shirt, her fingers leaving his back to gather the material at his sides, slowly pulling the wet shirt from the waistband of his jeans. He dropped his hands, his fingers lightly circling her wrists and stopping her progress. She looked up at him, and saw him smile in the darkness.
Her hands fell to her sides and she took a small step back as he pulled the shirt slowly from his jeans, exposing his caramel colored skin inch by inch. His teeth flashed blinding white in the darkness as he pulled it over his head, her mind barely registering the sound of the wet thud it made as it hit the ground. She lifted her hands and rested her palms against the smooth dark skin, the warmth of his body radiating into her, taking a direct path into the tips of her fingers and spreading heat outward in a flash to every cell within her skin.
She sucked in a breath as he dropped his hands to slowly unfasten the button of his jeans, before dragging the wet denim slowly down his hips. Her eyes were glued on their torturingly slow descent, and he reached out, lifting her chin with just one finger so she was looking up at him. "See something you like?" he teased, his voice rough.
She averted her eyes and stared out the door of her bedroom, fixating on the tiny picture that hung crookedly on the wall next to the bathroom. "Always," she answered softly, the word holding more weight and meaning than either of them were comfortable with.
Instantly, the look in his eyes turned primal and hungry, his fingers grasping the thin, wet material of the top of her dress and pulling the straps almost violently down her shoulders. She gasped, and he leaned over, his lips brushing across the slightly reddened skin, even as he continued to work the tight, stretchy fabric down her breasts. As the material pooled around her waist he dropped his head, his lips and teeth dragging slowly across her pale, chilled flesh, warmth and desire following behind.
"You're as beautiful as I remembered," he murmured hotly against her skin, his fingers deftly working the catch on the back of her bra. Within short moments he had opened the confining material, pulling the straps off her shoulders so her breasts fell full and heavy into his hands. "You are everything I remembered." He brushed his thumbs across the straining peaks, and felt her fingers slide into the back of his hair, cradling his head closer to her breast as he roughly sucked one hardened nipple into his mouth.
She pressed up against him, her center rubbing slow, hard circles against his throbbing cock, the head already glistening with drops of pre cum. He felt her fingers scratch down the front of his chest, his muscles flexing and jumping under her slightly rough touch.
When she reached his hips, he felt himself thrust against her before her fingers closed around him, working his shaft in a slow, steady rhythm. He pulled her dress completely down her hips. His thumbs hooked into the strings of her panties and as he pulled them down she shimmied against him, allowing the thin scrap of satin to drift airily to the floor.
The air between them hung thick with want and desire. They stood, bodies barely touching, the heat radiating off each other's skin meeting and mingling into a near tangible form. She reached out her hand and laid it gently over his heart. He paused for a moment and ran his hand softly over the back of hers, squeezing gently before moving his hand up her arm to her shoulder. His eyes were dilated black in the low light of the room.
He moved in closer, his body fitting against hers like the lost piece of a puzzle as his lips covered hers. With a kiss, he turned her back toward the bed and laid her down gently upon it, taking the time to slowly crawl up next to her.
She watched him as he came toward her. Every movement graceful, calculated and controlled, none leaving anything to chance. His hands traced over her features; fingers trailed over the line of her brow, his thumb swept gently over her cheek. Positioning one knee between her legs he braced himself over her, dipping his head down to lick the skin of her collarbone. She felt her back arch up off the bed.
Reaching her hands behind him, she pressed against his back and urged him closer to her. She needed this. The feel of his skin pressed against hers radiating heat and power into her. His heart beating rapidly against her own. Raising her hips she felt the head of his penis brush against her opening and she shuddered, his fingers gripping her skin almost roughly.
"Please," she breathed.
With a muttered oath and a groan he buried himself inside her in one, slow thrust. She wrapped her legs around his hips, her heels pressing against his lower back urging him on. Faster, harder, deeper.
He shuddered and lifted his face from where he had buried it against her hair. Watching her, he slowed his motions, taking care to stroke and touch every inch of her available. Her muscles clenched and tightened around him and he stilled, his eyes closing at the myriad of sensation – and emotions - coursing through him from the feel of this woman.
Taking her hands, he linked his fingers with hers and raised them above her head. His body moved slowly over hers, every inch of his skin caressing her as she felt the first ripples of her release twisting and curling deep in her abdomen.
Her eyes were closed, as her head thrashed side to side and Ranger could feel she was close. His fingers twining tighter with hers, he kept the same slow pace. "Open your eyes," he growled. "You open your eyes and look at me."
She twisted her hands and grabbed his wrists and could feel his hammering pulse there. The beat called out to her and she began to twist below him in counterpoint to his thrusts, her body tightening around him, seeking his rhythm, their combined rhythms pounding through her. She cried out his name and arched against him, pushing against him as the sensations rolled across and through her.
He tightened his grip on her hands and threw back his head as she pushed against him and the sound of her crying his name ripped through him. He looked back down at her half-closed eyes, her mouth open as she arched against him and he gave her all of himself that he had to give, matching her movement for movement until they were both lost.
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
She awoke some time after – still night, still rain. Her head was on Ranger's chest, where she'd fallen asleep, his skin warm and smooth below her. His breathing was slow and deep and she could feel the slow beat of his heart beneath her face and fingertips. A strong heart, a steady heartbeat.
The air in the room was cold now and the contrast between the heat where they touched and the cold where they didn't was almost erotic.
She moved her cheek against his skin and felt him respond in his sleep - a slow content rumble deep in his chest, the slightest tightening of his arms around her and a twitch of his cock against her. His sleeping body knew what his waking mind didn't. She smiled against his skin and placed a soft kiss on his chest and felt the subtle change in his breathing that told her he was now awake.
She didn't want to look up at him, didn't want to break the delicious warm mood by seeing the closed look that would be back in his eyes and on his face, the look that said he would be going soon.
"Thinking, Babe. Not always a good thing." She started to jerk away from him and his arms came around her, holding her against his chest, his hand in her hair rubbing slow circles.
She went for deep and came up with inane. "It's still raining," she whispered. He stretched his head back to look out the window and she kept her face on his chest, feeling the muscles below her flex and slide. She shivered slightly at the power underneath her hands.
"Cold?" he asked, his hands stroking her bare shoulders, her skin warming under his hands.
Without moving her head she ran her fingers across the skin over his heart. "Yes, I'm cold. Cold inside."
She felt, rather than heard, his sigh. "Babe, I . . ."
"Please don't say it again, Ranger."
He sighed again, but his hold on her loosened just enough for her to pull out of his arms and sit upright on the bed.
"You've said it before and I know you mean what you say, but, God, I don't need to hear it again," she said thickly.
He blew out a long breath behind her, and she felt the breeze of it lift a few strands of her hair lying, half-dried, against her skin. The sheets rustled and she knew he was moving to sit up with her, so she stood.
"We both knew the ground rules between us before this happened tonight," he said softly.
She spun angrily on her heel, her eyes flashing in anger. "I know all about your ground rules," she spat. "But do you mean to tell me that the rules you laid down as law in regard to our fucking, really applied to what happened between us tonight? Did you feel nothing? Is your heart that…that dead inside?"
He rose to his feet, a large dark shape, muscle and shadow in the moonlight. Angry muscle and shadow. "Do you believe that I haven't thought about this? That there aren't reasons for the rules?" His voice was low and sharp. "Do you really not know me at all?"
They stood in an awkward silence before she dropped her head. "Just go," she whispered wearily. "You know that's what you've been waiting to do, so just go already."
In the silence she could hear his harsh breathing. He turned and grabbed his wet clothes from the floor. He struggled himself into the damp t-shirt, pulling the jeans up his hips before he brushed past her, carrying his boots. She heard him pause in the doorway.
"I'll be back Stephanie. As soon as I know what to do about us, I'll be back."
She chuckled sadly and listened as he strode down the hall, the front door closing with a sharp snap behind him. Wearily she got up and walked to the door and fastened the security chain. She heard a soft thump on the other side of the door, a little higher than her head.
As though someone in the hall was leaning against the door and had let his head fall backward onto the door. Tentatively, she put her hand, palm spread, on her side of the door. She knew, knew, he was there still. Outside her door, in the hall, thinking.
She leaned her forehead against the door and stood there a moment, thinking about breathing and beating hearts. Listening to her own. Imagining his.
"Christ," she heard through the door. "Open up, Babe."
She stood still for another few heartbeats and then slowly reached up, turned the lock and slide the chain back. She took a few steps back and watched as the knob turned and the door slowly swung inward.
Ranger stood in the doorway, leaning on the sill, the hand that he had used to push the door open still slightly outstretched. His hand fell back to his side and her eyes traveled up his body to his dark eyes, dilated black in the low light. His eyes held hers and they stood for a moment, just staring.
He broke the eye contact first and bent to pick up his boots and jacket from the floor, and she watched as he tossed them, one at a time, onto the center of the floor of her open hallway closet.
He slipped inside the door, moving just enough to swing the door shut and refasten the locks and reached out to her. She let him pull her against his chest, let him turn her head to cradle her cheek against his heartbeat. She closed her eyes as his arms came around her and he bent his head down to touch hers. In the silence of the room she listened to the mingled sounds of his heartbeat and the rain.
I don't want to beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Rain
Strange how hard it rains now . . .