CHAPTER 12

It was sunrise when Jimmy woke. On the coach, Lou still slept soundly. He stared at her for several minutes before rising to rebuild the fire. He stretched and groaned. His body would be sore from spending half the night sleeping on the floor.

As hard as it had been to learn what Lou had gone through, there was some relief too. There were no more secrets between them and they had managed to release at least some of their shared pain.

The journal was under the couch and he pulled it out. He'd read a bit more, last night while she slept. Grayson had used his blood and his control to erase Lou's past. The first couple months of her captivity had been hell, having pieces of herself ripped away bit by bit. The more of herself she lost, the more dependent she became on him, and the more satisfied Grayson was with her.

But her memories weren't completely gone either. It was evident in her drawings and her dreams, something of her former life remained. Jimmy hoped that one day she may be able to remember all of it. Till then, she could use her anger to fight for control of her mind. It was her one weapon.

His attention was pulled from the book as Lou began to stir. She sat up on the couch, rubbing her eyes. Jimmy gawked at the vision of her wild hair and perfect breasts visible through the fabric of her nightgown. Parts of him that had been dormant for so long twitched to life. He pushed the feeling down, knowing more lust was not what she needed now.

Lou blinked the remaining sleep from her eyes. In the dim light she saw Jimmy staring at her. He quickly brought his eyes up to hers.

"How'd you sleep?"

She thought about it for a minute. "Well, actually." Amazingly, her sleep had been free of nightmares. "You?" She saw the small sofa pillow and blanket on the rug. "You slept on the floor?"

"Ah, wasn't bad. I'm a little stiff," he regretted his choice of words immediately. Thank God he hadn't stripped to his long johns; he'd be pitching a tent right in front of her. "I'll be fine."

"I need some coffee, or strong tea." She threw the blanket off her and stood.

Jimmy watched her bare legs as she swung them down from the coach. He watched her nightgown fall around her, covering them from view. She stretched her arms and the cotton pulled tighter across her breasts. He could trace the shape of her areola. She turned towards the kitchen and he took the opportunity to adjust himself.

He thought she would go upstairs to change but she walked right into the kitchen and began looking through cupboards. He followed her, grabbing the discarded blanket.

"Um, the others will probably be up soon."

"Will they want coffee or tea?' she asked without looking up.

"Are you cold?"

"It doesn't bother me."

"Lou, I think you should, um, probably get dressed." He fumbled over his words. "Just, you know, I can see ummm… Your dress is very sheer," he finally spit out.

She looked down at the front of her nightgown. He was right. Why didn't she notice before? It was made even more obvious by the morning sun streaming through the kitchen window.

She ran her hands through her messy hair. "I don't ever think about these things."

"It's alright. Take this." He wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. Without thinking, he traced a finger over her jawline and down to the hollow of her throat. She shivered. Her skin was cold despite what she said. Jimmy cleared his throat. "I'll make the coffee. Go on."

Louise closed the bedroom door behind her and took a deep breath. What the hell was that? He barely touched her, yet she felt as if he'd run his hands all over her. She was turned on but what's more she felt a warmth inside her that was unfamiliar. She told herself it didn't matter. This wasn't the time for such things.

She pulled her nightdress over her head and flung it into a corner. She wasn't used to being around so many people and she needed to present herself properly. Today she would wear proper undergarments: camisole, bloomers, and, begrudgingly, her corset. She decided to wear the green dress from the day before. It had a higher neckline than the blue one. Once again she fastened the thick black belt around her waist. She combed her hair properly and pulled it into a neat bun. She pulled on some thick knee high socks and slipped into her house shoes. In her overnight bag, she found a white shawl and she wrapped it around her shoulders, hiding her neck and collarbone. Once she felt that she had put on enough armor, to protect her from what she couldn't say, she finally left her room to join the others for breakfast.

From the top of the stairs, she could smell coffee and bacon. Her stomach rumbled and she eagerly made her way to the kitchen. To her surprise she found Jimmy in an apron, flipping bacon as Rachel scrambled a large pan of eggs. She had assumed that Cara and Rachel would be doing the cooking, but her young maid sat at the table, sipping on a cup of tea. She greeted everyone before taking a seat and helping herself to coffee and biscuits.

Once the food was served and everyone was digging in, Tomasi informed them of his decision. They were to spend another day and night in the house and leave bright and early the next day. He did not mention that it was for Louise's benefit that they stayed the extra day. Time away from the monster had loosened his hold and he hoped more time would make her stronger.

He wished they did not have to take her back to that house at all, but she was their best shot of luring this beast into the open. Still he questioned his own plan. Was putting her and her unborn child in danger really their best course of action? She was their best option, the best weak spot that they could exploit. It still left a sour taste in his mouth.

Jimmy watched Lou tear into her food. It reminded him of the Express days when they would come home from a hard day's ride to Rachel's cooking. They had been scolded for their lack of manners several times. He smiled as she took a pause from chewing to thank Rachel and him for cooking. She already seemed different from yesterday, more used to them maybe.

Another day stuck in the house with her sounded just fine to him.

"I don't know how to shoot."

"You do, you just don't remember."

Jimmy wrapped Lou's hand around the pearl handle of his second gun. He stood directly behind her to help brace for the recoil. One hand steadied her hip and the other guided her hand that held the gun to point at the cans he'd lined up on the far railing of the porch.

"What if I shoot the house?"

"Then I'll fix it. But you won't." He sounded very certain.

Lou aimed as he had shown her. Jimmy removed his hand from around hers and let her aim the gun herself. His frame was rigid behind her, like bracing herself against a sturdy wall. She took a deep breath and pulled the trigger.

She could not see the bullet but heard the clang as it hit the middle can and pushed it off the rail.

"See? Now try again," Jimmy encouraged her. This time he stepped back and let her brace herself. She planted her feet and used both hands, one to hold the gun and the other to steady her arm. She took out three more cans and then shot wide and missed. "Take the time to aim. It'll come faster as you get used to it."

They spent the morning shooting cans on the porch. Jimmy set them up and she knocked them down, hitting a lot more than she missed. She was not as fast or as accurate as Jimmy, but with practice, she imagined she could match him.

When they had exhausted their supply of cans, she went to give Jimmy back his gun. "Keep it," he told her. He procured her gunbelt from his belongings and showed her how to wear it, how to slide her gun in and out of its holster. "And these." He held up a handful of bullets. "Silver. These ain't for practice." He showed her how to load the gun. She stood before him and he appraised the way the gun hung from her hip. "When we leave this house, you wear that. Keep it by your side like another limb, understand?"

She nodded and walked around the porch, getting the feel for the new belt around her waist. She remembered the gun Alex had shown her, the one Jack brought to confront him with. Would this silver really make a difference? "It won't be as easy as shooting cans."

"Never is," Jimmy agreed.

If all else failed, she could turn it on herself, she thought grimly.

"How'd the shootin' go?" Teaspoon asked when the two came back inside.

"She's a natural," Jimmy proclaimed.

"I'm slow," she answered.

"Another gun's another gun, I reckon." Teaspoon looked at both Jimmy and Lou, trying to gauge their demeanor. Lou might still be skeptical, but she was giving them a chance. And Jimmy seemed lighter than he'd seen the boy in months. It was progress.

The rest of the day passed idly for Louise. While the others discussed plans and prepared for the morning, she curled up next to the fire, reading. She felt more at ease with these people than she had at first, especially Jimmy. She didn't even mind the familiar way he treated her. It was somehow comforting. But then, things had not ended well for the other man she allowed to comfort her, to get close to her. Best to keep her distance. So she had politely declined invitations of cards and checkers and conversation. But she didn't want to be alone in her room either; she'd spent too much time alone already. Soon the warmth of the fire and the low hum of other voices nearby put her to sleep.

Alexander could not rest. He could not feel her. She had been taken from him, his belongings ransacked, his home desecrated and stinking of humans. A night of searching had led all over the city, but he had not found her or her kidnappers. "Cara," he growled. That stupid maid. She would be done away with, and all the others she'd mustered to her cause.

He had been far too gentle with Louise, too lenient, he saw that now. Cities were easy feeding grounds, but he had allowed her too long a leash, letting her explore on her own, letting her form a bond with the servant of all people. He would find her and take her somewhere more isolated. He would kill anyone who might want to stop him.

Part of him tried to argue a more sensible path; they know what you are. You can leave now, leave her, just find another. He didn't need to risk himself for some woman, she was replaceable.

But was she? He argued back. In all my years have I tasted someone as delectable? Have I ever thought about turning anyone else? Ever found someone that could be a true companion? And the baby she carried, that was also his possession, another thing he would have to give up.

Last night, he had been without her. Not only her physical presence, but her entirely. Their connection was severed and he had never experienced this feeling in all his years as a vampire, longing. He missed her. If he did abandon her, if he searched another thousand years, would he find another? How long might it take? Would they taste as sweet? Would he always feel this loss?

'She is mine. She is nearly perfect," he grumbled to himself. "They cannot hide forever."

She was riding again. She felt the power of the horse beneath her, felt the sun shining down on her, smelt animal and leather and prairie. She felt wind in her hair and freedom. A life that had been hers once. In her dream she was going somewhere. Home? There was a building and people, but instead of becoming clearer as she approached it became more and more blurred. No matter how much distance she seemed to cover, it was always out of reach.

She rode until the sky above her turned dark. A force ripped her from her saddle. She was pulled up into an inky black sky. The darkness enveloped her, strangled and suffocated her. She struggled to breathe. She woke abruptly, choking and clawing at her own throat.

Large, warm hands grabbed her own and pulled them away from her neck. Her eyes snapped open and she was not surprised to see Jimmy's face hovering above her. His eyes conveyed his concern but he was calm. He held her hands and her gaze as she took several deep breaths, until she was breathing normally again. Releasing her hands he stepped back and took a seat, eyes never leaving her.

Louise sat up and faced the fire, wiping away the errant tears that had escaped her eyes. After a bit of silence, Jimmy asked her if she had nightmares like that often.

"Are they nightmares if they're real?"

"Those are the worst kind." He reached for her hand but she pulled away.

"Please, I don't need to cry in your arms a second time."

"You can, if you do," he told her. He leaned back in his chair. "I used to have some bad ones myself. Helps to talk about it." He thought for a moment. "Think I learned that from you."

The only thing you're likely to learn by being around me now is what it's like to die, Louise thought to herself. "Thank you for waking me," she said instead.

"'Course." He nodded. He felt her retreating. However things had been last night and this morning, she was putting barriers up again. He did not like the feeling at all. Space from her was the last thing that he wanted.

Louise took a look around the room and confirmed what she had suspected; the others had cleared the room, it was just the two of them. Of course it was. He was at her side whenever she felt distressed, his broad chest, steadfast manor, warm hands that calmed and excited her simultaneously. This man loved her and wanted to protect her. Just like Jack. Like Cara. Like all these well-meaning fools.

"Whatever you're telling yourself right now, just stop."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know what it's like to go down one of those holes, following all your darkest thoughts. Just talk to me, Lou."

She stood and paced, trying to straighten her hair and clothes. The gun he had given her rested on a nearby table. She ran her fingers over the cold metal and the ivory handle. "You don't want to know my dark thoughts, Mr. Hickok."

"I want to know all your thoughts, Louise." He was definitely not going to call her Mrs. Grayson, ever.

"If he asks me, I will use this gun on know that don't you?" She went on, not waiting for an answer. "He killed someone I cared about but I still want to please him. I don't even know you, not really." She trailed off. She clasped the gun in her small hands, turning it over, inspecting it. "Or I could use it on myself. That would probably be the noble thing to do."

In a flash Jimmy was at her side, slipping the gun from her hands and back into his belt. "That's not the way," he spoke more harshly than he meant to. "Try to have faith in us, Lou. Trust me." He was pleading. She wasn't a woman that ever allowed herself to be defeated and it gutted him to see her like this now.

She hurt him. Good. He should be expecting pain. There was bound to be more of it before this was through.