Chapter XXV - Calm in Falme

Taija shooed the girls away and went to meet Siuan. It made sense that she would have come to Falme, given everything, but she really wasn't looking forward to their conversation.

When Siuan saw Taija she immediately turned towards her, Moiraine in two. "Taija sedai, a word if you please?"

Taija sighed internally. "Of course Siuan sedai." The light of saidar sprung up around Siuan and she spun a ward against eavesdropping.

Siuan's first words were not what Taija had expected. "I am glad to see you are still alive and the girls are safe. When I got here and was told that you had gone to the Tower, I feared you had jumped straight from the net to the frying pan."

"Thank you for your concern Siuan sedai, but I saw what happened to Leane… I'm so sorry," Taija shook her head sadly in genuine sympathy. "What happened?"

Siuan's face hardened. "A tragedy and a crime. One which I intend to see paid for in full. We have clearly underestimated the Black Ajah and have suffered the consequences, with one of their own elevated to the Amyrlin Seat."

Taija frowned, "so you think Elaida is actually black?"

"If she is not then she is certainly their puppet." Siuan shook her head, "to think, the Tower stood united for centuries and now it has split, under my leadership."

"It's not your fault Siuan sedai," Taija tentatively placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She must have been suffering as she didn't brush it off, but Taija could feel her tension under it, "if the Shadow was incompetent then it would have been defeated long ago. Even with all of the knowledge we had in my time, darkfriends were able to betray the Light again and again. However, many we caught, there were always more…" Taija stared into the distance for a second before catching herself with a shake. Siuan wasn't her favourite woman, but she couldn't have been in a good place right then and Taija really couldn't see that she'd done anything wrong. "What happened?" She asked again.

"When a ship runs aground, the captain must take responsibility…" Siuan looked down at the ground, before visibly pulling herself together. "I am not sure how the Black Ajah learned of our activities, but something must have given them warning. The day after you left for Falme Javindhra and Duhara both vanished. Of course I set some of the sisters to looking for them, but I already suspected that the Black Ajah was aware of our activities."

She paused and took a deep breath. "I was reading reports the next day, alone in my office and I heard the bell that told me a channeler had crossed the wards outside. I had not been expecting visitors, but I am a busy woman, people regularly come to interrupt me, it is one of the less attractive aspects of being the Amyrlin."

Taija nodded and Siuan continued after a pause. "That would not have been significant except the bell chimed many times, more than six before I lost count. That was unusual. Thank the Light I had been paranoid."

A brief hint of irritation flashed across her face, "I had been thinking about how you beat Moiraine and me in Falme. I know you are strong, but I also know everyone has limits and you seemed to channel while shielded, it was not possible. It took me much longer than it should have, and learning to invert weaves from you, but I think you may have warded the room before we were ever in it."

Taija did her best to keep her face blank, giving Siuan the blandest look she could.

"Hmm, no matter, regardless it saved my life. I still cannot work out how you triggered the wards while shielded, but nevertheless I had prepared my office and the corridor outside it in case the Black Ajah came for me. They thought they had me trussed up, but they found a lionfish in their nets." A brief look of despair crossed her face before she brought it back to its normal composure. "I felt Alric die right then. I was reeling from the shock, but I knew I had to act. I threw open the door with a weave of air and as soon as I saw Elaida and the sisters with her in the corridor I activated the wards."

"I can only hope I did not kill any innocent sisters although certainly any who were there were aiding the Black Ajah whether wittingly or unwittingly," her face promised revenge, "but when the corridor exploded into fire there were certainly injuries if not deaths. While they were gathering themselves I Traveled out to the Tower grounds to rally the other aes sedai against this coup."

Her posture slumping a little, Siuan continued, "I think I would even have succeeded if not for one thing. I found Anaiya and Maigan and set them to finding every sister they could and warning them of what was happening. Then I was attacked by a pair of sisters, I do not know if they were Black Ajah or mere tools, but they named me darkfriend. I was able to hold them off, but together they were gradually overwhelming me. I was losing, but then Leane appeared, I do not know where from, and added her strength to mine."

"Another sister joined our attackers, but we were able to defeat one of them. Leane burnt her to cinders while I held off the other two. A second sister joined us and it was clear we were going to win this battle and then I would rally the loyal sisters and cleanse the Tower of its infestation. I was thinking that the Black Ajah had just made their greatest mistake. Revealing themselves, but failing to successfully wield the knife. Then, she arrived." Siuan tensed up under Taija's hand again. "A woman of monstrous power joined the battle, if I had not known better, I would have thought it was you. I know appearances mean little, but she must have been one of the Forsaken. Like you she hid her strength, but she was clearly far stronger than any of us."

"By then we had three other sisters on our side and two of them just… burst. Leane flung herself forward throwing every ounce of saidar she could at that woman and told me to run, to preserve the Tower, to guide the Dragon. A second later the light of saidar winked out around Leane, the woman shielded her, just like it was nothing and I ran. The White Tower needed to survive, the Black Ajah could not be allowed to control it. The world depends on it, but Light help me I still ran."

"You did what you had to do," Taija knew words weren't enough, she'd seen it too many times during the War, had it said to her enough too. "You could never have fought one of the Forsaken head on. The important thing is that you're alive, Leane's sacrifice wasn't wasted and the Black Ajah still have opposition. Better to survive to fight again than to spend your life for nothing. Elaida's time will come."

Siuan's face could have been carved from stone. "Yes, they will find there are rocks beneath the waves. I have been gathering loyal sisters, they are few for now, but Elaida cannot be allowed to control the Tower." She paused, "I should warn you, as they captured Leane, they no doubt know about you. She is a strong woman, but they would be able to make anyone talk eventually."

Taija winced at the thought, poor Leane… "I'd realised… if we're lucky Elaida may not believe everything she hears, but it will no doubt get back to whichever of the Forsaken is working with the Black Ajah and I think we'd be extremely lucky if she didn't believe it. Especially after Falme," Taija glanced at the battered buildings surrounding her. "It was inevitable really and I never did like hiding."

Before Siuan turned to leave, another thought occurred to Taija. "Siuan sedai… What about the binding… umm oath rod. Do you have that?"

Despite her face, Siuan seemed to age when Taija asked her that. "No Taija sedai, the oath rod remains in the Tower, so without it we are still vulnerable to the Black Ajah."

======

Taija found Rand the next day, he was still limping around, but looking much better.

"How are you feeling?" She was concerned about him, with the Power for healing, even this time's crude version, he should have been looking much better by then.

"It still hurts some," she could tell by the way he moved, "the wound the Dark One…" he saw the look she gave him, "fine, Ishamael, gave me just won't heal properly, despite whatever Moiraine does, she even linked with that aes sedai damane Ryma and they couldn't do much more."

"I'm sorry Rand," Taija murmured. She'd already had a summary of what had happened at the battle before she left for the White Tower, but the damage done to him was shocking.

A passing soldier gave him a bow, "my Lord Dragon."

Taija raised her eyebrows at him and Rand scowled. "Moiraine told me, the battle with Ishamael was as prophesised, thousands maybe tens of thousands saw it." He concentrated and recited:

"Twice and twice shall he be marked,
twice to live, and twice to die.
Once the heron, to set his path.
Twice the heron, to name him true.
Once the Dragon, for remembrance lost.
Twice the Dragon, for the price he must pay.
Five ride forth, and four return.
Above the Watchers Over the Waves shall he proclaim himself,
bannered 'cross the sky in fire."

With a grimace he showed her his palms, both now marked with herons. "No dragons yet I suppose…"

"Well…" Taija was a little lost for words. "It could be a mistake. It could be a coincidence. It could be manipulation from someone. I don't know… It may also be that this talk of the prophecies of the Dragon is true. You know what I think of prophecy, but… if the evidence starts to mount then there's something going on."

Her answer didn't seem to reassure Rand all that much. "So you think I should be acting like I am the Dragon?"

"No!" She shook her head. "I think you should be ready for the possibility. How do I think you should act… I don't want to tell you what to do, you've got Moiraine for that." That got a half amused grunt out of him. Taija pondered for a few seconds. "I think you should think like an aes sedai."

"Act like Moiraine you mean?" She could tell Rand's annoyed by the idea.

Taija gave him a disappointed look, "act like a real aes sedai. Not one of this time's…" she restrained herself and chose a more moderate word, "interpretation of the idea. Being aes sedai means being a servant of all, serving the people. It also means balance. You're not a slave, you have your life to live too. You can, no must, think for yourself. You must also accept that you're one of the people, not above them, not separate from them." She thought for a moment, "I suppose what it really boils down to is always working to build a better world. That's the basic philosophy of being aes sedai."

She could tell that the idea at least appealed more to Rand than imitating Moiraine. "You knew the Dragon didn't you? Back in your time? You've mentioned him before, but you always seemed a little reluctant to talk about him."

"Not about him as such… I don't know," Taija shrugged staring into the distance. "It can be painful talking about my time. There are so many things that are gone, people that I've lost. They were bad times at the end, but still…" This really wasn't what Rand wanted or needed to hear. Taija pulled herself together with an effort, forcing more cheer into her voice. "Yes, I knew Lews Therin, probably the most respected man in the world. He was an incredibly talented man, unmatched in his abilities." Rand looked intrigued, "he was also a flawed man. You people have your stories about him being a kinslayer and bringing the madness. I don't mean that."

She stopped to think about the best way to put this to Rand, she didn't want him to start feeling he needed to live up to some mythological ideal, but equally she didn't want to depress him even more or talk down someone that was, at the end of the day, a hero. "He always did what he thought was right and he almost always succeeded in it. There's no doubt that he was a great man and that's why he's remembered. But… he sometimes lost touch with… with the 'little people'. I never knew him well, we only met a few times, but I remember the epic arguments between him and T… that he had when people disagreed with him. He was never malicious, a truly good man, but I do wonder sometimes whether if he'd been a bit… kinder… would things have been the same as they were? Barid Bel? Duram Laddel? Maybe even Mierin Eronaile…" Including that last name pained her, but she did wonder, it was after the wedding that she'd truly started to go bad.

"Who were they?" Rand asked with confusion and Taija realised she'd sunk into reminiscence again.

"Sorry… I have too many memories sometimes. Look, the key thing I want you to remember is that you're not Lews Therin. Reborn or not. You're Rand al'Thor and every choice you make is your own. Remember that Dragon Reborn or not, you need friends. Lews Therin was a great man, maybe you can be a better one."

Rand was silent for a while and then asked, "but the Dragon was an aes sedai wasn't he?"

"Well yes, obviously." Taija wasn't sure where he was going with the question.

He nodded to himself, apparently satisfied, "alright, thank you Taija sedai, I appreciate it."

"Just Taija, the title's only for formal occasions and people I need to make a point to."

Both their appetites for conversation seemed to have dried up after that and they soon headed their separate ways.

======

A day later Taija was summoned by a servant to see Moiraine and Siuan. She'd thought Siuan had left, but it seemed she was back again already. With Traveling it wouldn't be that big a deal for her to bouncing around, she'd hardly have thought anything of it in her own time after all. She'd loved living in Jalanda, but if she'd wanted there'd have been little to stop her from commuting halfway across the planet.

Siuan and Moiraine both greeted her with expressionless looks, but Moiraine took the lead. "Taija sedai, are you aware of young Mat's condition?"

Taija shrugged, "I know he's not well, something about a cursed dagger, an item of the Shadow? I'd thought you were going to cure him of it."

"Not of the Shadow, but similar." Moiraine's face was as composed as ever, but Taija thought she couldn detect a hint of worry in her voice. "I had tried, with the Amyrlin, but we do not have sufficient strength, he is too far gone."

Siuan interjected, "he is clearly important as the sounder of the Horn," Taija was still sceptical about the story of ancient heroes being summoned by it, maybe constructs of some kind if it was a ter'angreal? "Also young Rand has made his feelings on the matter clear, so it seems we must ask for your help."

Taija held up her hands, "I'd love to help, I can't say I know Mat very well, but that's nothing to do with it. The problem is I just don't have much talent with healing, I've seen Moiraine heal, she's far better than I am."

Taija wasn't sure if there was the ghost of a smirk on Siuan's face at her admission. "We feared you might say that, but we had not been thinking in those terms. Even with your angreal I doubt you have much more strength than the two of us combined using Moiraine's angreal." She paused and Taija carefully didn't fill the silence, she liked keeping a bit of ambiguity about her strength.

When Taija didn't confirm or deny it Siuan continued, "we would ask you to link with us, to lend strength to Moiraine as she melds the flows."

Taija didn't hesitate, "absolutely not, find someone else." There was no way that she was giving Moiraine or Siuan control over her like that. There were ways of course, but breaking a link once you were in it was not an easy process if the leader didn't want to release you.

"There is no one else Taija sedai." Siuan glanced at Moiraine, "we will bring the girls into the link as well, Ryma too and some of the freed damane, but I think without your strength it will be insufficient."

Taija shook her head in denial, she really really don't want to do this. The risk of giving them control, having them share her head however briefly, both ideas repulsed her. For a brief moment she seriously considered just letting Mat die, she didn't really know him.

But that wasn't the person she wanted to be and he was Rand's friend. "Do you swear that you don't think it can be done without me?"

Siuan nodded, "you have my word."

Moiraine then followed up, "you know we are bound by the three oaths. In the hope that it will persuade you, I swear on the Light and my hope of rebirth that I will release you from the link immediately upon the healing being completed or upon your request." She had clearly been thinking about it, anticipating Taija's response.

Taija was not actually completely sure that they were bound by the three oaths. Siuan had had a lot of time with the binding rod, even if she did lose it during the coup. Taija knew she'd have made some changes to what was binding her if she'd been in Siuan's shoes, but then she'd never have done something so stupid as to voluntarily bind herself. She hadn't seen Moiraine swear with it at all, but at least she was fairly sure she wasn't a darkfriend.

After a moment of mental examination for loopholes in the oath, Taija slowly nodded. "I suppose I can accept that, but I also want your word that you will not pass control of the link to anyone else…"

Rand had better be grateful for her agreeing to this! Not that she'd ever tell him how much it bothered her, the poor boy had enough burdens.

Moiraine didn't hesitate to agree to Taija's additional promise, which was at least reassuring.

Once Taija had agreed, it didn't take long to get everyone assembled. She quickly realised they were all essentially waiting for her, presumably Siuan realised she'd be the most difficult.

Trying not to look too unhappy about it Taija joined the circle of women surrounding Mat's bed, sparing a nod for the three girls. He lay there, eyes closed, his fist gripping a ruby hilted dagger tightly to his chest. She could almost taste the miasma of filth surrounding it and him. Moiraine had said it wasn't related to the Shadow, but it certainly felt similar.

Taija had always hated being in links, unless she was leading them. Sometimes it was necessary for professional reasons, but she generally did her best to avoid it. The intrusion of feeling all of the other men and women in the link was more than bad enough, but it was the control it gave people over her that made truly, deeply uncomfortable. Especially when she'd been younger… A young woman with her strength was an attractive part of any link and there'd been that one incident in the early days of the Collapse…

It had been better once she was more experienced. After that she was always the one leading the link when one was needed and most of the time she'd had enough strength to do things without links. The only person she ever really felt comfortable linking with was Tel and well, he wasn't here.

Resisting the urge to clutch at her coat, Taija placed herself just on the edge of embracing saidar. At least people seemed too nervous around her to comment on her choice to wear "men's" clothes instead of dresses, now that she was back in Falme.

Gradually the light of saidar moved round the circle of women, merging together into one bright glow as Moiraine brought them into the circle one by one. She left Taija for last and she had a moment where she had to desperately resist the urge to fight before she was drawn in and lost control.

The whole room was suffused in the glow of saidar, weak around some and bright around others, very bright around Moiraine with her angreal. Of course even if Taija could see herself, she wouldn't have been glowing given the inverted webs over her.

"Let us begin," said Moiraine.

Despite her discomfort when she felt saidar being drawn through her, Taija watched Moiraine intently as she started to spin her web. It was simple on the surface, primarily spirit, but with water and air mixed into it. However, the more Taija looked, the more intricacies she saw. She had no real talent for healing, but she could still analyse it alongside admiring the way Moiraine spun the web covering young Mat and the dagger in a complex interweaving of bright threads.

Then Moiraine began the real work, drawing hard on the Power through everyone in the circle. Fine threads become wrist-thick, shining, dense flows and the dagger started to pull away from Mat, his hand still clutched around it.

Moiraine was drawing a gigantic amount of saidar. A full circle of thirteen with Taija in it and a number of other women of not insignificant strength. She could shatter a city with that. The girls looked halfway between fascination and ecstasy.

A low groan from Mat slowly turned into a full on scream as the Power pulled his fingers off the dagger one by one. As the last one came off it, his shriek reached a crescendo before he suddenly went limp.

Everything moved fast after that, Moiraine deposited the dagger in a lead lined box that she'd procured from somewhere and then ran an over-powered healing web through Mat, leaving him spasming and shivering.

A second later the light of saidar winked out from around the other women and Taija felt herself released from the link. She slumped unrealised tension released from her body.

=====

Taija spent some of her time in Falme continuing her lessons with the girls. Egwene's strength had leapt forward during her time with the Seanchan. It seemed that they were forcing it, ignorant or perhaps uncaring the dangers. The White Tower taught more slowly than safety really demanded, but there were limits. Probably the least of their crimes. Elayne was developing well too, but was still some way behind given how she'd spent the last couple of months hiding her channeling.

Both girls threw themselves into the time Taija spent with them with a fierce determination. Her instincts told her to keep the pace slow, have them working on all of the little things that she'd expect any properly educated channeler to know and understand, but the girls begged her to teach them more. She knew they were grasping for control in any way they could after the experience of Falme, but she didn't give in immediately.

In hindsight, Taija wasn't too surprised when Nynaeve also appeared with them on the second day, asking respectfully to join their lessons.

Nynaeve was a very different kettle of fish to the girls. A fish analogy, was Siuan getting to her? Older, quieter and much less willing to submit herself to Taija's authority during the lessons.

"I simply don't see the point of us spending time on this Taija," she gave Nynaeve a look and the woman belatedly added, "sedai. We need to learn useful weaves, not be doing novice exercises all the time."

Taija resisted the urge to tell her she was welcome to leave if she didn't like what she had to teach. Nynaeve had a way of getting under her skin a bit, but the poor woman was trying to process having her life turned upside down, starting with her being dragged out of her comfortable village life and culminating in two weeks of torture.

"No Nynaeve, you need to do this because it's the foundation of so many aspects of channeling. Just because you've been taught inadequately by the 'aes sedai' in the White Tower doesn't mean that I will ignore it."

Nynaeve changed track suddenly, "why do you always sound so…" she groped for a word, "dismissive when you talk about aes sedai. You are one aren't you?"

Damn. Taija hadn't mean to show her feelings so clearly. No wonder Bennae said she was a terrible liar. "The aes sedai," she was careful to moderate her tone this time, "are dedicated servants of the Light who work very hard for it. On the whole." She belatedly added the caveat.

The look Nynaeve gave her told Taija she was unconvinced.

A couple of days later when she had the three of them in front of her, Taija decided that Nynaeve did have something of a point and she'd also had enough of the girls' nagging.

They could always work on their fine control of the Power and she was sceptical about teaching some things to them at all, particularly Egwene and Elayne given their age.

However, Taija could admit that if they'd known how to Travel all kinds of problems would have been solved much more easily. Of course others might have been caused. If Egwene or Nynaeve had been able to teach the Seanchan how to Travel it would have potentially been a big problem…

Regardless, she'd made her decision.

"Girls, today we're going to be studying something new." They perked up at that, although not quite as much as Taija had expected. She'd noticed they'd been whispering together a lot recently and were right before she'd arrived too and now they seemed distracted. "I'm going to need you to promise me you won't teach this to anyone else without my permission. It's both dangerous and a huge advantage while the knowledge hasn't spread."

She got a series of nods and continued, after pausing for dramatic effect. "Very well, today you are going to start to learn how to Travel."

=====

Nynaeve heard the other two girls gasps and only maintained her own dignity by resisting the urge to join them. If only she'd had the same ability as Taija. Been able to just step through holes in the air, so many things could have been avoided…

The way that Taija just casually used gateways was fascinating, her tendency to always invert the wea… webs on the other hand was deeply irritating.

Normally Nynaeve could pick things up after seeing them even just once, but that woman kept her secrets closer to her than a newborn with its mother. If she never even saw the threads then how could she copy them!

"The first thing we will discuss is safety, this is dangerous and if you don't treat it with the respect that it deserves then I won't be teaching you anything at all." Taija had taken on what Nynaeve had come to recognise as her lecturing tone, more confident and smooth with a hint of authority running through it.

By now Nyneave had gotten used to the woman's odd accent, words and syllables seeming to be clipped short or swallowed, emphasis on the wrong parts of words. However, Nynaeve still couldn't work out where it came from, especially combined with her strange vocabulary and use of words that Nynaeve was sure were very typically Andoran.

Elayne had also told her that the woman seemed to speak the Old Tongue whenever she was stressed, albeit with a very odd accent, which was all the stranger. Of course the daughter-heir would know that sort of thing, although she had confessed that she often found it difficult to follow what Taija was actually saying in it.

It was a conundrum and Nynaeve intended to get to the bottom of it. Egwene and Elayne seemed to accept Taija for what she was, looking up to her like lost puppies. Nynaeve on the other hand wasn't so young and naive, she knew that things weren't always what they seemed and after her time with the Seanchan she wasn't going to let herself get caught out again.

She'd spent long nights speculating with the girls, who couldn't seem to agree even between themselves.

Elayne thought that Taija was from a rival group of aes sedai somewhere else in the world. "Maybe Shara," she'd said, nodding to herself like the girl knew anything more than the rest of them about the place.

Egwene on the other hand pointed to the odd bits of knowledge that Taija had, the way she'd spoken about the Forsaken with such familiarity. She was convinced the woman was like the Heroes of the Horn. A great figure spun out from the pattern to help guide the Dragon to his ultimate victory over the Shadow.

Obviously that was ridiculous, but Nynaeve had her own suspicions. She'd watched the way the woman talked about the aes sedai of the White Tower, ranging from frosty politeness to barely veiled contempt. It was strange, suspicious even. Of course Nynaeve had her own views on those women, but she had her reasons for them and certainly wasn't going around claiming to be an aes sedai.

She'd also spoken with Rand about her concerns over Taija and he'd angrily stood up for her, saying that she hadn't done anything other than support him, unlike all the other women around him. She really didn't know what was going on with him. He'd changed since they left Emond's Field and she wasn't sure it was for the better. In the end it wasn't what was important at the moment, and regardless, he wasn't too old for her to take a switch to him if he didn't behave himself.

Whatever was going on with Rand, the way Taija spoke about aes sedai didn't quite fit. She insisted on the title and then spoke with contempt about them in the next sentence. Then there were her eyes. She seemed normal whenever you spoke to her, but when she thought no one was looking or sometimes when she spoke about certain things… Nynaeve could recognise that long, sad, empty stare into nothingness.

Finally, she mentally ticked off another point, the woman seemed to know some of the Forsaken in ways that made no sense at all. She supposed an ancient hero might have known them once, but the sadness, the deep sense of regret she sometimes exuded made no sense at all in that context.

Of course Nynaeve had her own theory. All that knowledge, all those regrets… It was said no one could walk in the Shadow so long they could not return to the Light and she suspected, or maybe feared, that that was exactly what they were seeing every day.

If that was the case though… she couldn't leave the two girls alone with Taija. It wasn't that she thought she would do anything bad to them, she'd seen what the woman had done to free Egwene, and her of course, but she could accept it was really Egwene she came for. Actually that kind of brutality was perhaps more evidence, the way Egwene said she'd just killed her sul'dam…

Nynaeve could also see through the grumpy facade to the genuine fondness Taija clearly felt for the two girls. But… they hadn't the sense of a toddler between them when it came to Taija and who knew what she might teach them or how she might influence them. No, Nynaeve wasn't worried she'd hurt them, but she still needed to keep an eye on her for their own good.

She'd asked Moiraine about Taija with gritted teeth and the woman had just given her a cool look and told her that Taija's secrets were hers to keep and to ask her if it bothered her that much.

Nynaeve had hated having to ask Moiraine for anything, but she'd needed to know so she'd even asked Moiraine directly whether Taija had once been one of the Forsaken. The woman had given her the blankest look she'd ever seen from her and then bluntly told her that she would be deeply foolish to even suggest the possibility to the woman, but to feel free to dig her own grave if she so desired.

She reached to tug her braid in frustration, only to remember it wasn't there anymore. Of course she wasn't going to get straight answers from an aes sedai, but she'd find out what was going on with Taija one way or another.