Lisa

Everyone falls silent when Jennie leaves the room, and Mom visibly deflates. "She hates me," Mom says.

Dad shakes his head. "No, she doesn't. Jennie doesn't have it in her to hate anyone."

I know Dad, and I can hear the unspoken remainder of that sentence. But if she did, she would definitely hate you.

I smile at Mom as best as I can. "You haven't really seen her in years, and it's probably strange to be back here and to find everyone acting like nothing ever happened."

I don't really know what I expected of my mother, but it certainly wasn't this — pretending like she never hurt Jennie. Like she didn't blame her for Rosé's actions, like she didn't ask her to leave. Mom hasn't even acknowledged the past, let alone apologized, and I want her to do both. It won't undo the pain Jennie went through at our hands, and it won't erase all the nights she cried herself to sleep in our apartment, but it might give her a small amount of closure. That's the only thing we can still offer her.

"Excuse me," I murmur, rising from my seat. I know Jennie, and she never takes calls during dinner. She doesn't even pick up when it's Mino. Her leaving mid-dinner just now can only mean two things: it's either truly urgent, or she's running.

I walk into the hallway and find her standing on the middle of the stairs, her phone to her ear. She grazes the edges of the photo frames along the staircase with her fingers, slowly walking up the stairs, absentmindedly. I follow behind her and watch her slip into my bedroom. I thought she might go into Rosé's room, but I should've known better. Of course it's mine.

Jennie leaves the door ajar, and I lean back against the wall just outside my room, my eyes fluttering closed.

"Yes, it's been quite hard. Just seeing him hooked up to that machine for hours every day… I can barely take it. There isn't much I can do either. The only thing I can really do for my dad is stay strong and just be there."

I wonder who she's talking to. Her voice sounds warm and caring, whoever she's speaking to is obviously someone she's close to. Is it Mino?

"Did Mino tell you that?" she asks, sounding somewhat shy. "Yes, we're planning on moving in together, but honestly, we haven't really talked through the logistics yet. We're both renting, so we could either find something new together, or just move into either one of our apartments. I guess that's something we'll need to figure out when I'm back."

So not Mino, then. Jennie laughs, and I smile to myself. I've always loved the sound of her laughter, and even now it affects me.

"He said that? Yes, your son is usually so romantic, Nancy, but when asking me to move in with him he literally just blurted it out over dinner."

I freeze, my smile melting off my face. The person she's talking to is Mino's mother? My heart twists painfully. I want this for her. I want her to gain a whole new family when she eventually gets married, but fucking hell, it hurts. It hurts to know that once upon a time, all of this could have been mine. It hurts to know the girl in my bedroom used to be mine.

I try my hardest not to blame my sister for the way I lost Jennie, but with every year that passes, it becomes harder to remind myself that Rosé was sick. It's becoming harder and harder to keep from resenting her.

Jennie ends the call and I inhale deeply before walking in. I find Jennie sitting on my bed, a lost expression on her face.

"That's nice, that you're close to Mino's mom."

She looks up at me, startled, and smiles stiffly. "I didn't realize you were there. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone into your room. Honestly, I did it without thinking."

I sit down next to her and look around the room. This room is filled with memories of her. I fall back on my bed and stare up at her. "That's okay," I murmur. "It isn't even really my room anymore. I only stay over every once in a while."

She nods and looks around the way I just did. I wonder what she sees. It's been years since she's been in here. Her eyes fall to my bed, and I'm certain I see a flash of jealousy and possessiveness in them.

"You know, you're still the only girl I've ever had in this bed," I murmur, my voice barely above a whisper.

Jennie's eyes widen, and her eyes roam over my body. I lift my arms and put them behind my head, my t-shirt riding up to reveal the v-line Jennie has always loved.

"Is that so?" she whispers.

I nod. She looks beautiful today, and I really want to pull her closer. I want her straddling me the way she used to, her lips on mine. I need her with such intensity that I have to force myself to look away. My heart refuses to acknowledge that she's no longer mine. I inhale deeply and close my eyes.

I want to ask her if she missed me. If she still has feelings for me. If part of her heart still beats for me. But I can't. It wouldn't matter anyway. She's with someone else, and in a few months at most, she'll be going back to him. I can't mess with her happiness in the slightest. I won't.

We both tense and sit up when a soft knock sounds on my bedroom door. Mom walks in, and she looks surprised to find us sitting together like this. Jennie stiffens beside me and looks away, as though she can't even stand to look at Mom. I can see that it hurts Mom, but I can also see how hurt Jennie still is.

"Jennie," Mom murmurs, her eyes flickering between us. "I… I would like to apologize. I know it's too little too late, but you deserve an apology. I didn't want to remind you of the past, so I remained silent earlier, but that isn't right. You deserve better than that.

The way I behaved after Rosé came home from the hospital — there's just no excuse for that. I felt like I'd failed as a mother, and rather than take responsibility for that, I looked for someone to blame. And Rosé, being as vicious as the drugs had made her… she convinced me it was all your doing, even though I logically knew better.

I'm not asking for your forgiveness, because I wouldn't dare, but I do want to offer you my sincere apology. I've always loved you like you were my own, and I still do. Not a day has gone by that I didn't think of you. I always hoped you were doing well, and every time your dad told me about you, I'd be so proud of you. I want you to know that. I want you to know that I still love you the way I always have, and it won't make things better, but I live with deep regret over the way I've treated you."

Mom turns to me, her eyes filled with sorrow. "And you too, Lisa. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for asking so much of you. For asking you to sacrifice your relationship with Jennie, when I should have stood with you, when I should have defended both you and Jennie. I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me someday."

I nod at Mom, but her eyes are on Jennie. Jennie is glancing out the window, her entire body trembling. I shake my head at Mom subtly, and she leaves quietly. A tear drops down Jennie's cheek as soon as Mom closes the door behind her, and I wrap my arms around her.

Jennie sniffs and turns in my arm, clutching me tightly as she bursts into tears. I tighten my grip on her and stroke her hair, my own heart breaking. I can't take it when she cries. Every tear she sheds leaves a mark on my soul.

"I… I'm sorry," she cries, and I cup her head gently. Jennie turns her face so she's hiding in my neck, her lips grazing my skin. "I don't want to cry," she whispers through her tears, and I clutch her tightly.

"I know, Minx. It's okay. It's just me." I kiss her hair gently and try to keep my heart from breaking. I inhale deeply before speaking. "I actually never even realized I wanted an apology from my Mom, you know? I've never consciously blamed her for what happened, but it does feel like a huge weight off my shoulders," I whisper.

Jennie nods and sniffs. "Me too. I just felt… I felt so betrayed. I loved her so much."

I lift her onto my lap and wrap my arms around her fully, wrapping her in my arms. Jennie rests her head on my shoulder, endless tears still streaming down her face.

"Just let it all out, Minx. It's years overdue, just like Mom's apology. It was just easier to forget about all the ways my family and I wronged you — easier to pretend it never happened. I guess it was easier to live with the guilt that way."

Jennie pulls back to look at me. She shakes her head and looks into my eyes. "Not you, Lisa. Never you. You never wronged me."

I drop my forehead to hers and close my eyes. "I did. I should've chased after you. I should've chosen you over everyone else, especially when it was so clear that you never did anything wrong. I should've stood by you."

Jennie cups my cheek and I bury my hand in her hair. "No, Lisa. You did the right thing. And it's not like I actually gave you a choice at all. I left to the one place I knew you couldn't follow without giving up on your scholarship, your education, and the company you were building. I needed a clean break. It's not your fault."

I look into the eyes that I've loved for as long as I can remember and shake my head. "I wish I'd followed you as soon as I was sure that Rosé would be fine. I thought letting you go was the right thing to do. I thought I couldn't chain you to me, knowing how much resentment there was between my family and you. Some days I even convinced myself that I was over you, you know? But fuck, Jennie, you're back now, and I…"

I shake my head and look away, my heart shattering. Jennie buries her hand in my hair and turns my head back towards her. "You what?"

"I look at you, and I wish you were still mine. I've never regretted anything as much as letting you go. You will probably always be the love of my life, but I'm glad that I don't seem to be yours. I just want you to be happy, Jennie. I'm glad you are."

She smiles tightly and pushes away from me. She turns her back to me and wipes her tears away, and I regret my words instantly. It's not fair of me to tell her this, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable around me. I shouldn't have said anything, but as always when it comes to her, I couldn't help myself.

"Come on," she says, smiling the fakest smile I've yet seen her attempt. "Let's go down. Dad was so excited to be here today, let's not ruin it, okay? I'll try my best too."

I nod and follow her out the door, but all I want to do is take her home, away from anything that might hurt her.