It was easy for Sonic to step foot inside of the building. Almost too easy. He closed the door behind him. It was pitch dark inside.

"Sonic!" he heard a female voice cry out in the distance, "Sonic, help me!"

"Could it be?" Sonic thought to himself as he walked in the general direction of the voice, "No, impossible."

For it was the voice of none other than Amy Rose, the love of his life. But she was dead, supposedly. Then again, they had never found her body… Still, it had been years since she had vanished.

"It's a trap," Sonic thought to himself, as he went to turn around back toward the door.

But by then, it was already too late. Sirens went off as the metal door automatically shut and locked itself from the inside.

"MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA," shouted a man's voice from the intercom system, "I've got you now, Sonic! You should see the look on your face. Ooo boy, ha-ha-ha-ha, I'm gonna shit my pants laughing, ho ho! Literally… Oops. I just did. I gotta go change… Well, this is awkward."

The man revealed himself to Sonic on a giant jumbotron that illuminated the building. It was Sonic's enemy, Dr. Robotnik. As Sonic looked around, it appeared as if the building was an abandoned warehouse of sorts.

"Time for a musical number!" the man said over the loudspeaker.

Then, a pre-recorded jazz upright bass line started, as he broke out into the following song:

Dr. Robotnik is my name, building robots is my game!

I'm Sonic's arch-nemesis, ever since the Sega Genesis,

Yeah, I'm Dr. Robotnik, that's my name!

Surely, you must ask, why I have such a large mustache?

Don't worry about my mustache, I got to go change my pants,

Dr. Robotnik is my name!

Sonic then performed his homing attack both on the jumbotron screen and the speakers to break them so he wouldn't have to listen to Dr. Robotnik's God-awful singing. This then forced Dr. Robotnik into the open, as he was hiding in (and broadcasting from) a room in the back.

Sonic heard a door opening and footsteps slowly approaching him.

"I'll make you pay for that, Sonic!" Dr. Robotnik shouted as revealed himself and awkwardly waddled toward the blue hedgehog.

"You tried rhyming 'pants' with 'mustache,'" lamented Sonic, "Now that's just lazy writing!"

"Speaking of which," said Dr. Robotnik, "You wouldn't happen to have a spare pair of pants you could lend me, would you?"

"Let me ask you something," said Sonic in an annoyed tone, "Have you ever seen me wearing pants?"

"Well, no…" replied Dr. Robotnik, "This is awkward."

"What do you want from me, anyway?" said Sonic.

"Ah, yes," said Dr. Robotnik, "I want your super-speed."

"You think that's something I can just bestow upon you?" said Sonic.

"Well…" said Dr. Robotnik, "I was going to swap our blood. I've already made an invention just for the occasion."

"What in tarnation?" said Sonic, a puzzled look on his face, "Look… that's just weird, man. Why don't you just let me go, I can go to Wal-Mart and buy you some pants, and then we can pretend this never happened?"

"I'm afraid I can't just let you go like that, Sonic," said Dr. Robotnik, "For, once I steal your super-speed powers, I will then build an army of robots to take over the world. MWA-HA-HA-HA!"

"That's great," said Sonic, uninterested, "Look, I really don't think this is a great idea, swapping our blood and all. Besides, what if I told you I had AIDS?"

"I'm calling bullshit," said Dr. Robotnik, as he took off his belt and went to take off his pants.

"Hey, what the heck are you doing?" said Sonic.

"Sorry, but it looks like I have no other choice," said Dr. Robotnik, "I'm going to have to do this—"

Just then, the door exploded. It was Tails to the rescue!

"Sonic, quick, jump in the plane. Luckily I thought to pack some C4 with me. Just in case we ended up in a situation like this. What are you waiting for?" said Tails.

"You wouldn't happen to have a pair of pants for Dr. Robotnik, would you? He has soiled himself," said Sonic.

"Have you ever seen me wearing pants?" said Tails.

"Well, no…" said Sonic.

"Jump in!" implored Tails.

Sonic started running toward Tails' airplane.

"Sonic!" shouted Dr. Robotnik, starting to weep, "You can't leave me like this! God damn it!"

"Wait a minute, Tails," said Sonic, "I just got an idea."

He turned toward Dr. Robotnik.

"What do you know about this so-called 'ultimate life-form' that looks basically just like me except black with red highlights?" said Sonic.

"Why should I tell you?" responded Dr. Robotnik.

"We can get you a clean pair of pants. And underwear," said Sonic.

"Hmm…" responded Dr. Robotnik, scratching his chin contemplatively, "Okay, fine. My underwear size is XXL and my pants are waist 44, length 40. Get me some corduroys."

Sonic and Tails left and came back a couple of hours later with the requested articles of clothing. Except they couldn't find curduroys for Dr. Robotnik's unusual body proportions, so they had to resort to getting him a pair of XXL sweatpants.

"What the hell is this?" snapped Dr. Robotnik, "I thought I told you to get me curduroys!"

"Yeah, well…" Sonic responded, "We couldn't find any. We looked, I swear. After all, you know what they say… beggars can't be choosers!"

"Fine…" said Dr. Robotnik, letting out a sigh, "Project Shadow is a top-secret U.S. Government operation. You'll find what you're looking for on the main island Puerto Rico. That's all I can tell you."

"But where exactly on the main island of Puerto Rico?" said Sonic, "I mean, I've never been there, but I imagine it's kind of big…"

"That's all I can tell you!" repeated Dr. Robotnik, "Besides, it's not that big. You're the world's fastest… thing. You'll figure it out! But we never had this conversation, you hear?"

Sonic made a gesture of sealing his lips with a zipper.

And with that, Sonic and Tails were off.