Yeah, I know. Sorry. I really didn't have time to write. Apologies. Also, I lost count of people I had to thank here. so YAY THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Chapter 11

The book somehow appeared on the nightstand, and I've given it another look, but it doesn't really help. It's greek to me, as Shakespeare would say. Funny though, I could probably read Greek quite easily now.

I sigh and drop the book, so I'm looking through the glass ceiling, again, at the red sky of Gallifrey in this imaginary landscape the Tardis laid for us, just like the last time. I suppose it makes sense that the ship did so that time too, although I couldn't understand then why it wanted to show me the Doctor's home planet.

"How did it happen?", I ask him.

"There was a war", he says, coldly. It doesn't sound like he's pausing to tell more, so I insist.

"What you said to the Master... was it really you, the one who ended it?".

He shifts until we're staring at each other, side by side. "Yes", he says after a long stare into my eyes.

I don't really want to hear more. I sense that someday he's going to tell me what happened, but, as shallow as it may sound, I don't care, at least not yet. I grew up as an orphan, and I've come to terms with not knowing where I am from a long, long time ago. The fact that it isn't somewhere in England but a distant planet doesn't really make a difference to what it feels like.

I don't insist, and he doesn't apologize for not telling more. His eyes trail over to my collarbone, as he strokes my shoulder and arm.

I growl a little and roll so now I'm laying prone, still looking at him. My hand reaches for the ancient book again as the Doctor lifts up on his elbow and kisses the base of my neck. It feels... well, a bit weird, still, but there's a natural, spontaneous feeling that puts me at ease. The tension is still there, of course. That nagging feeling that Time Lords can't have an easy life. And surely, not an easy relationship.

He strokes my arm gently, trailing over the long line of dots that starts on my wrist and goes up to my elbow, the line I used to mark and count every time I met the Doctor. His fingers run over the circles and spheres of Gallifreyan written on my upper arm. I didn't draw that.

I close the book. "Do you know what it means?".

"No... I can't read it", he admits, sighing. "It's... incomplete".

I stare at the air, mumbling. Great. It's like those people who get tattoos in chinese or japanese language with wise ancient sayings when they maybe really say spring roll. Well, I can probably read chinese and japanese too, now.

"I'm guessing it's your name".

Ha. So, I do have a Time Lord name. An incomplete name.

"Any theories on why it's incomplete?", I ask.

"Not really, no", he says. "Names don't usually randomly appear on skin".

Well, mine did. I didn't even notice it at first, only checked if I had it when I saw it on Chloe, with her spaghetti straps dresses. Aaaand, I know what he's going to say next.

"I suppose it has something to do with him".

Because, of course it must have something to do with him. I'm part of him, so part of my name is missing because he's missing. It makes sense. Not that I knew my name when he was around, though.

"It's unfair", I complain, brushing my shoulder until the Doctor moves and lays again on his back beside me.

He stares into my eyes as I try to get back to the most boring book ever, then gently sweeps a strand of hair off my face. "A Time Lord's name, that's a very powerful thing. It's the greatest secret a Time Lord can have".

"Are you saying I haven't earned it yet?".

"Maybe not. I don't know", he admits with a shade of sadness.

"What does it sound like? Is it like american indian names, Sitting bull, Rain in the face? I mean, I suppose it's not something like... Joe... or Jane".

"No, no, no, my name, my name is not Joe. And yours is not Jane. It has a meaning, yes, but... it sounds more like... music".

"That's nice", I smile. I like the idea of having a piece of music that tells who I am. Except it doesn't if I don't share it with anyone.

"So, you're not going to tell me your name".

"No", he says quietly.

"Is there anyone who knows your real name?", I ask.

He crosses his arms under his head on the pillow, thinking. "I don't... no, not anymore".

I stay quiet. There's really no need to point out how lonely that sounds. I lean over and kiss his lips, softly. He smiles. "Give me that", he eyes to the book. "Do you want me to translate it into English?".

"No, thanks. I'm practicing". I nudge the book to him and rest my head on the pillow, laying down. I'm not good enough with Gallifreyan language and maybe his translation could help, even if I think I've read the thing for a thousand times now and that doesn't make it any clearer. I almost memorized the thing and it's still so lacking, so vague.

This book really is the most boring thing I've ever laid my eyes upon, and the Doctor's voice doesn't make it any more exciting.

"Here lays the depiction of the ancient practice of guardianships, wherein the punished Time Lord would be turned into an infinitely inferior species, thus losing all privileges of life as one of the supreme beings. Blimey, Time Lords weren't very modest. In ancient times, before the high council established order in our well behaved society, major offences as treachery, treason, harming the society, terrorism, interfering, acts so disdainful that the offender was no longer wanted as a member of our respected species, a process was developed so that such criminals could experience life as a lower species", he reads carefully, as if he's studying it for himself too. I still feel offended for the racist tone the ancient high society of Time Lord has.

"For if the punished could return to his previous state as a superior Time Lord, following his reinstatement surely both the rieducational time and the regret for his actions leading to such a punishment, would convince him of a more suitable life in our society". So far, I think I've already known that for some time. Turn into a human, that's a punishment.

"A fellow, higher in society, in culture and power Time Lord would be guardian of the key to the felon's cage, not a phisical one as much as a biological one, for which the first rudimental achievement of the chameleon technology were adapted. The guardian only could reopen the cage and return the Time Lord to its natural state as a member of our well respected high society as a Time Lord...".

This is where it starts getting messy. Because it's clear that I'm not the standard case, since I'm definitely not a higher Time Lord than the Master. I am the apprentice of Time Lords, beginner level. I mean, I don't even have a complete name.

"...in order for the guardian to detain power over the guarded, the two would be joined together with a permanent link, scratched into the fabric of the world, marked in the deepest layers of the stars and resonating across all of time and space blah blah blah...".

"See? I told you it was boring", I interrupt him.

"...blah senses blah blah blah. It- It's not really your case, too. No wonder you didn't find a lot of help in here", he says, turning the page quickly skipping over the list of Time Lords who were punished like that, stories that have too many detailed notes for me to read carefully.

"However - wait. This form of punishment wasn't carried on very much and later discarded, because the resulting link between guardian and guarded often resulted...- uh, that's interesting". I glare at his interruption as he stares into my eyes puzzled. "sorry- resulted in not only impeding the guardian's ability to establishing other bonds, but especially damaging the guardian's concentration and focus on more important matters, and some great Time Lords were reduced to the quality of babysitters towards felons who weren't even worth their time to begin with-".

"Does the text really say babysitters?", I quiz him.

"...Yep. Therefore it became more and more difficult to find Time Lords who were powerful and wise enough to be guardians and who were willing to take that sort of responsibility. Although already a thing of the past, it is believed that during those ancient times bonding was still in use in some parts of Gallifrey, mmmh".

"Still in use?", I repeat.

"Well bonding was never formally forbidden, if that's what you're asking. But it's... it was such a rare thing that I think nobody actually felt it needed being forbidden. Time Lords simply didn't bond anymore".

"I thought bonding had something to do with love and marriage".

"With love, yes. But marriage... that was an entirely different level".

"How?".

"The psychic bond, that only happened when two people were in love. It's - it was - oh, well. Something so complete, so unique - more than a relationship, but a mutual acceptance and fusion with the other. Two minds linked together, inseparable. And not just that - the bodies, too. Making love with someone you're bonded with... it's just... another thing". The way he says that, it sounds like he knows what he's talking about. And it resonates with what he said earlier. I'm a Time Lord, but I'm not his. "But marriage, that was just politics. As soon as they invented looms, sex for Time Lords was just... archived".

"Politics? And what the hell are looms?".

"Marriages were arranged between houses, and children were... Time Lords weren't born, they were loomed. That alone makes your very existence, Zoe, even more... unexpected".

"So when a house wanted a child, they would just... pick some time yarn or something and... loom it? Were you and the Master... loomed?".

"Yeah", he says, rubbing a finger against his eye, raising his brows.

"I don't understand". I really don't. I smirk unintentionally. "You're a Time Lord, I am a Time Lord, and the Master... well... uhm, I don't see any... any... lack of... sex drive".

I didn't mean to provoke him, but he suddenly jumps on his elbow and pins me down.

"You're an unlikely case of Time Lord", he says seriously, touching my temples with his. "As for him, and me... keep in mind we were the rebel ones. We never followed rules".

"There was a rule? Did they ban sex?". Why would anyone- ever- the Doctor kissing my collarbone, it's really distracting.

"They didn't need to. They just... ignored all about it". I run my fingers through his hair, gently. His skin feels hot against mine. It feels good. Maybe there's still something human about me, because I'd never quit sex.

"But... why?".

"Why", he repeats, groaning, then shakes my hand off his head and rolls around, pulling me until I'm on top of him, until my head rests on his chest. "Sex, and love, they're... messy, complicated, and distracting. Time Lords don't- didn't want mess. They didn't want complications, they didn't want distraction".

"That's so sad", I say, breathing over his chest hair, as he run a hand through my hair and the other strokes my spine. "They were all repressed".

"Weeell", he giggles. "Not... all of them. Those times the book talks about... they used to be a noble, gentle kind, the Time Lords. Equality, freedom, curiosity, honour... there were a lot of good things. But the more they become clever and powerful... the quicker the very core of the noble spirit of Time Lords started rotting. But I wasn't the only one ignoring rules", he winks.

"I almost started thinking you went traveling the universe to satisfy your sex drive like some Erasmus student", I giggle.

"That sounds more like your friend Jack".

"I thought he was your friend too", I say.

"Not in that way", he snorts, pushing me again until he's on top of me, kissing my neck while running a hand down my thigh to bend my knee and make himself space between my legs.

"Your loss", I laugh, biting his shoulder.

He's gentle and sweet, but strong. He knows how to use his body and how to pleasure mine, and he takes longer this time, he indulges in long gazes and in holding me, and I'm surprised to realize I'm having trouble breathing.

Which didn't happen before this whole book intermission.

I'm struggling. I feel tension in every inch of my skin, I feel my whole body on edge, but I can't recognize if it's pleasure or-

What are you doing, the voice I hear in my head asks, but it doesn't even sound like a question.

I open my eyes suddenly, gasping. Then, I climax. Loudly. I cling to him as if my life depends on it, and maybe it does, my nails unintentionally scratching his back until he finishes.

We don't fall asleep, we both just stay there lazily. Sometimes I pick up the book and run my fingers over it, glancing at the circles and arc shapes that are words, while he lays beside me, absentmindedly stroking my arms. I gaze at my shoulder and at the drawing of my incomplete name and catch his eyes, as he looks at me softly.

I really can't put a finger on where we are now. It's like he's a completely different person than the one I was fighting with a few hours ago. All I know is that this looks like a better way to break the tension between us than tea and swimming, but I can't even tell if this is a one-time thing or if it's going to happen again, and I for sure don't think what just happened will change his mind about my appetite for trouble. I don't feel relaxed about what he just told me about Gallifrey and the Time Lords, for all I understood is that I should have been a strong powerful Time Lord in order to be the Master's guardian, and I'm not. He's had centuries of travelling and building power, I've been a Time Lord for a total of... two years and a couple months? I am basically still a toddler. No wonder the Doctor is always worried about me.

Babysitting.

"Am I your responsibility?", I ask the Doctor.

"My.. what, why?", he replies, confused, gently biting my shoulder, half climbed over my back.

"You said the Master was, your responsibility. Since he was a Time Lord. Am I your responsibility too?".

"You...", he starts, and the time he takes to reply makes me think he'd been asking himself the same question for quite long without coming up with a straight answer. "I... I suppose".

I glare into air. "What, you suppose?".

"Suppose you've never met me and Martha, you'd still be human". he says, leaning on his hand on my pillow so that I hear him talking straight beside my ear.

"I'd still be trapped", I correct him.

"Yes, but without any clue. You could have lived your life as a human, as a...".

He says that like he's apologizing. Like he thinks I'd have a better life if I stayed human. And I can't help but think again that life as a Time Lord isn't easier, or funnier. Sometimes it feels like Time Lords aren't even entitled to happiness.

"I wasn't exactly having a happy life as a human either", I say lowering my voice. It's pretty sad if you think about it, I had that one chance at a happy human life and I was on my way to royally blow it. "And Chloe knew about me. Sooner or later, I was meant to meet the Master". Was I? It was all extremely timey-wimey. Timelines are twisted as a Joyce poem in that area.

"Still", he says, rolling on his back until he lays by my side again. "You may not be my responsibility but I still feel responsible".

"I'd rather you don't". I groan a little. "I'll never learn anything if I take you for grated, if I constantly know you're going to save the day or clean up my mess or save me. And I'm not saying it because we were discussing weapons earlier, I mean it generally".

"I know", he nods. "But I can't help it".

"You already feel responsible for everything. Let me be one thing less".

"I guess we could try that, yeah". He says that exhaling, as he's phisically tired from the weight of the world he chooses to carry on his own shoulders. "It rarely works, though".

I stare at him, lifting up on my elbows. "I can't change your mind. But... at least let's try and change responsible to protective, or caring, okay?".

I climb down the bed and start dressing.

He smiles, reaching for his shirt. "I'll make the tea, see you in the library?".

"Darjeeling, please", I wink, pushing the door.

I release a breath I wasn't aware of holding and rest my back on the wall just outside. I can't really sense how long it's been since we've entered that room. It feels like we were somewhere else, like I forgot we were still on the Tardis. The door slowly pulls back into place, with a loud click.

What are you doing there.

I shake my head, trying to ignore the fact I didn't black out, I was fully coscious and I heard that voice again. I make my way to the library and before the first corner, I run into Donna.

"There you are! Thought I heard a noise! Where were you hiding, you-oooh", she smirks lowering her voice as she catches a glimpse of the Doctor plunging his jacket over his shoulder, his shirt still untucked out of his trousers. "Having fun, you two space lovers? Anyway, none of my business. Just wanted to tell you a phone was ringing".

"My phone?", I ask her, puzzled. I think my phone is laying, battery dead, on the desk in the atelier. Forgot to carry the charger. Phone life doesn't improve with space traveling. "That's unlikely".

"What's unlikely?", the Doctor asks joining us.

"My phone ringing. Wasn't it the Tardis phone?". I ask Donna.

"Dunno. Just heard a ringtone in the console room".

"Didn't you pick up?", the Doctor asks.

"What? What if it was some alien business in alien language? What if I accidentally bought us a ten years subscription to a gardening magazine?", she snorts.

"Curious". The Doctor shrugs. "The Tardis phone almost never rings. Anyway, library. Donna, I was about to make tea, do you want some?".

"What? Tea - library - swimming pool, no sir. We're not going to muck around lazily for ages again. This is a timeship! Let's do something, let's go somewhere, you lazy aliens!", she protests. "I'm going to fly this ship myself if I have to".

"Oh- oh! Yeah! Let's give Donna a driving lesson", he says, cheering. "So you can prove Zoe wrong about me being a lousy teacher".

"Well I hope I don't have to prove her wrong whenever she finds something to complain about", she says, smirking in my direction again gesturing at the Doctor's messy attire. "And I sure hope she doesn't have complains about this, cause I tell you, I'm having none of this nonsense".

I lost count of reviews too. So. Anyway.

-I wrote this chapter twice and the first version was something about the Doctor being very rude with Zoe and making her feel miserable and useless and it was just full of angst and banter (Hey, guess what happened to me last week? yay, let's go back to fictional characters!), but then I realized they didn't deserve that.

-the reason this chapter is a Really Long Explanation of Time Lord Things I Myself Invented (I'm sure there's a trope about long explaining moments, but I can't find the name) is to clarify because my first fic was more about cliffanghers and then resulted in a lot of plotholes because I didn't explain things along. I'm just trying to add some useful things here and there but I felt the need to take some time on the subject of guardianship. Which will be explained better later anyway.

-I just read a very disturbing fic where Rose Tyler was victim of a gang led by Jimmy Stone in which they forced her to sell drugs and treated her like a sex slave for the whole gang (it really didn't start that way and I kept reading because I want to know the ending). I just want to point out how many fics are about Rose being abused by her first boyfriend and I really don't think it's suggested anywhere in the brief mention of him in canon that he was abusive and a bastard, in my mind Rose was madly in love with him as teenagers do and dropped out of school and realized a bit too late she just ended up with a complete loser. Making him an abusive rapist figure only makes her love for the Doctor lose strength as of course she'd fall in love with someone like the Doctor after that, no? Instead she was sweet and passionate about him but she was also questioning and putting him into its place. I don't see him as a knight in shining armor for Rose, she was a strong individual character.

-Ok that was really long

-Rose being mistreated in fics is the thing that bothers me more.

-second is people changing Silence in the Library ending. "You watch us run". Why why why would you want to change an ending as epic as that one.

Pleeease review. Each of you is so helpful.