Chapter 22
"Let's have a look at you", Wilford continues. Curtis is probably about to cry. All the rage and the tension and the infamous Wilford is a quiet old man cooking. As if nothing behind that gate mattered.
"Hungry?", he asks politely, as Yellow Coat, still aiming at us, invites us to sit at the table, elegantly set with wine glasses, silver cutlery, china plates.
"You did a man's work coming all this way".
Curtis glances at Wilford. He is just an old white man. Yellow Coat takes up a high stool separate from the table and sits comfortably to keep us at gunpoint.
"You are the first human being to have walked the total length of this train. Tail to Engine. Did you know that, Curtis? Well done. Bravo. None of your people has never been here -to the Engine", he specifies, with a patronizing tone I really really don't like. "I've never been to the Tail Section".
"Why not? Too dirty for you?", I glare at him.
"Don't want to rub against the vermin of the tail section?", Curtis adds, grinning ironically.
Wilford expertly flips a steak and potatoes and adds a handful of mushrooms. He uses his spatula to point to his station, his Engine. "Do you think my station is without its own drawbacks?", he asks. Curtis smirks. I don't believe this man. "It's noisy". He explains. "And it's lonely".
Well I'm sure Miss Yellow Coat is glad to hear that. "Right", I nod, smirking. Oh you poor thing, Wilford.
"Steaks", Curtis lists, hissing, nodding. "Plenty of room... this whore to bring you anything you want...".
"Curtis, everyone has their preordained position". Wilford says, repeating what Mason kept saying. Oddly enough, doing that same weird gesture with his hand. Brainwashing, anyone? "And everyone is in their place, except for you", he adds, pointing at Curtis with his spatula.
"That's what people in the best place say to people in the worst place", Curtis retorts angrily. "There's not a soul on this train who wouldn't trade places with you".
"Would you trade places with me?", Wilford asks, confident, smiling smugly. Isn't this the plan? I mean, Curtis wanted Gilliam to run the train, but even he was admitting that Curtis was the leader.
"Fuck you". Curtis says, very clearly. Ok. So that's not a plan. I kinda hoped for an instant that he would say yes, shove Wilford's head on the grill and, as a first leading decision, stop the crying engine and let Naam blast the gate to the outside.
"Curtis, dear boy. The fact is we are all stuck inside this blasted train". Curtis squeezes my hand, surprisingly. I can't help but feel for him - he's finally meeting his match and still, he's worrying about my rage building up. "We are all prisoners in this hunk of metal. Medium rare?", he points at the steak. Considering what Curtis confessed just a few minutes ago, I shiver wondering where that steak came from. "And this train is a closed ecosystem. We must always strive for balance. Air, water, food supply, population. It must all be kept in balance".
Are you really just going to sit tight and listen to this idiot?
Oh shit. I got it. I squeeze back Curtis'hand, because either he didn't understand where this is going, or he doesn't want to believe it.
"This is all bullshit", I speak finally. "This is just your god complex speaking. You didn't need this train at all. You could have just sent a distress signal, eighteen years ago, and call for help. This is the distorted solution of someone trying to fix his own mess in the worst way possible".
"What a disappointment", he says, turning to me, waving his fork - how. annoying. is. that. "From what I heard, I thought you of all people should appreciate the craftsmanship here".
"Trust me, I know evil genius when I see one. You're just evil, but far from genius".
Thank you, dear.
"It hurts me, really, that you see it this way. But I guess it all depends on you feeling superior to us slow, tiny, little humans, right?". I swear I'm going to slice his troath with that spatula if he keeps waving it around.
"Take any random kid in the tail section and he would be superior to you", I snort. Why am I falling into his word-trap?
"Oh right, you're the feisty one. I've been warned about it. From my understanding, you travel with an eternal engine too. A self sustained system, working forever. It would have been interesting to share some knowledge, since apparently it's not working. Have a chat with who built it, you know. I love scientific progress".
And who told him that, exactly? I don't like where this is going.
"The Tardis is grown, not built, you idiot." I snarl. "And it lives with laws that go beyond time and space. Laws that this dimension by itself can't hold. It can self sustain because it exists and lives out of the physical world, beyond time and space", I repeat, snorting. "Your system here, I've seen your supplies. You're just bonkers. You like to think it's self sustained but it isn't, is it?".
"Ah, right. Feisty, and clever", he says, as if quoting. "You're right, though. For optimum balance, there have been times when more... radical solutions were required. When the population needed to be reduced rather...drastically".
Again, I just wish I could hug Curtis, spare him from hearing all this.
Wilford serves us two beautifully garnished plates, and starts eating his own steak, speaking between bites. "We don't have time for true natural selection. We would all be hideously over crowded and starved, waiting for that". He gestures around with his fork. "The next best solution, is to have individual units kill off other individual units". He bites again. "From time to time, we had to... stir the pot, so to speak. The revolt of the seven, the McGregor riots... the Great Curtis Revolution.", he gestures, theatrically. "A blockbuster production with a devilishly unpredictable plot". Curtis stiffens, the words slowly starting to make sense. I want to punch Wilford in the face, slam the fine china and have him choke on that steak bite. "Who would have predicted your counter attack with the torches at the Yekaterina tunnel. Pure genius", he compliments, nodding at me.
I'm afraid of what he's saying next, and then he says it. "That wasn't what Gilliam and I had in our plan".
"What?", Curtis asks, snapping. I swear his face just lost colour.
Wilford knows he's hit deep. "Well, don't tell me you didn't know", he smugly says, repeating. "Gilliam and I... our plan".
"Gilliam", Curtis smirks, bewildered, his eyes wide but incredulous.
"Gilliam", Wilford repeats, calmly. "The front and the tail are supposed to work together. He was... more than a partner, really. He was my friend".
"Bullshit", Curtis spats. "I don't believe you".
"Our original plan was for the insurgency to stop at the Yekaterina tunnel. Then all the survivors would go back to the tail section, to enjoy much more space", he explains.
"You're a fucking liar", Curtis repeats. "Gilliam would never do that".
Wilford shrugs. "It all worked out in the end. Your counter attack actually made the insurgency ten times more exciting", he says as if he's actually talking about a blockbuster action movie. "Unfortunately, the front suffered more losses than anticipated, and Gilliam had to..." he mocks a gun to his head, clicking his tongue, "...pay the price".
Curtis looks at him. He's still hoping for a way for all this to be made up.
"Ironic, isn't it?", Wilford goes on. "How people dramatically cross that thin barrier between life and death..." He moves to a side panel on the wood wall and turns it to reveal a phone receiver. "Now, there's just one last thing for us to do". I hate how he says us. I hate him, full point. "Tally up the numbers", he says, cheerful.
He puts it on speaker so we can all appreciate Egg-head's suave voice. "Hello, Wilford, it's me. I'm at Gilliam's place".
"Hold on", he says, turning to Yellow Coat. "Is it still the same number?".
"Yes", she replies. I almost forgot she was there at all and there she is, still pointing the gun at us. "It still stands at 74%".
"Okay, carry on", he says to Egg-head. "Wait - spare eighteen, to celebrate out 18th year". Oh, the meeerciful Wilford.
"It's an excellent idea", Egg-head replies.
Wilford smiles, then closes his eyes as we hear the gunshots and the screams from the speaker. "Your people", he illustrates to Curtis.
He moves angrily, slamming his hand on the table. I jump up to hold him back. Yellow Coat fires and misses. Wilford jumps up, still holding the phone. "Goddanmit, Claude, mind the engine!", he screams, then calms down, quieter. "She's getting sensitive recently", he says, rolling his eyes to the engine around.
"Sit down and mind your table manners", Claude instructs, calm.
"Just relax", Wilford invites, putting the handset back into its place. Curtis is still stiffened, angrily looking at him. "Calm down", he says, patronizingly. "Well, now I can see what Gilliam meant, he told me you were brilliant and clever. But always so tense!", he mocks him, stiffening his shoulders. "When was the last time you got laid, hm?", his gaze waves between him and me. "Like Gilliam said, holding a woman is much better with two arms", he winks at me, illustrating how he would use his two arms to shag me over that table.
Gross, don't you think?
Curtis collapses on his knees, defeated. "I'll miss Gilliam", Wilford goes on. "I'll miss our late night phone chats. He... could go on for hours, only with one arm". He holds his sleeve over his hand, mocking Gilliam's stump. Wheter Gilliam thought he could make a difference sending Curtis and Grey to the front or he sent them straight into a trap doesn't matter anymore. And, I guess he had quite a chat with the Doctor, from what his friend here knows about me. Maybe he's the reason why the Doctor didn't come to the front with us."What? What's the matter?", he keeps going. "What's with that face?", he insists, while Curtis' breath becomes heavier and heavier, his face becoming tenser every instant. "You look like a crazy person. As if we need more crazies on this train".
Curtis is on the edge of tears.
"You know, I believe it is easier for someone to survive on this train if they have some level of insanity", he says, polishing the metallic edge of a step to the next section.
"I'd be careful of what to say next", I warn him.
"Oh, right. The Doctor seemed worried you might suddenly turn into a war machine".
"It happened, time to time", I shrug. "My patience tends to run thin when faced with psychopats these days".
"See? As Gilliam well understood, we need to maintain a proper balance of anxiety and fear. Chaos and horror, in order to keep life going". He turns around, slowly returning to the table.
"If we don't have them, we need to invent them. In that sense, the Great Curtis Revolution you invented was truly a masterpiece".
Curtis is looking at the floor, then he looks at me, then at the floor again. I don't know what to say.
"Come with me, Curtis", Wilford invites, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Something I'd like to show you. You deserve it".
Curtis looks at me. "Come on", Wilford repeats.
Wilford directs Curtis to follow him into a circular gate where stands the Engine Core.
It is perfectly quiet - no engine noise, rumble of the wheels, nothing. It is sound proof. Curtis takes it in, and he is clearly in awe at the mysterious and seductive isolation.
"Cozy, yes? Peaceful", Wilford says.
Curtis is speechless. "You are now in the heart of the Engine", he says, walking slowly around us. "I've devoted my entire life to this - the eternal engine. It is eternity itself".
Curtis' eyes can't lie as he takes in the stillness, which he hadn't felt for a long time.
"Have you ever been alone on this train? When was the last time you had some privacy? Can't remember, can you? So please do. Take your time".
Wilford offers a gentle, fatherly smile to Curtis and retreats out of his vision.
We're standing still, only us in the silent core. I kinda want to step away and leave him really alone. Quiet. Desolate but cozy as if time has stopped.
I try to step back but Curtis breaks down. He drops to the floor, shoulders trembling, warm tears pouring down endlessly as he hugs my knees, clinging to me.
He raises his head when Wilford holds up a metal capsule in front of his eyes.
"I just wrote it. For you". Curtis is confused. "Here. Take it".
Wilford holds out the capsule in his upturned palm. Curtis takes it and, his hands shaking wildly, opens it to read the red letter: train. Curtis lets it sink in, without looking at me.
"I am old. I want you to take my station. It's what you always wanted. You can keep your wild company if you want.".
"Curtis", I try to shake him.
"You must tend the Engine, keep her humming". Wilford helps Curtis up. As Curtis stands, he looks towards the back of the train for the very first time, Wilford standing behind him, hissing in his ear.
"Look, Curtis. Look back. Beyond that gate - section after section, precisely where they've always been and where they'll always be, all adding up to what? The train".
"Don't listen to him", I warn, tentatively.
"And now, once again, the perfectly correct number of human beings, all in their proper places all adding up to what? Humanity. The train is the world, we, the humanity".
Curtis, just as Wilford must have been doing all these years, looks to the back of the train. I can tell he isn't sure anymore, Wilford must have gotten into his head.
"It's bullshit. Humanity exists beyond this train. Curtis, look at me". I repeat.
He ignores me. Wilford ignores me. "And now you have the sacred responsibility to lead all of humanity. Without you, Curtis, humanity will cease to exist. You've seen what human beings do without leadership. They devour one another. You, Curtis, you are humanity. You, Curtis, you are eternity. You, Curtis, you".
"Don't listen to him", I plead. "Please".
There's a noise, and the gate opens. Claude walks out only to be hit at the back - by Yona, I assume. She drops to the floor as everyone fights. A mad crowd of partygoers, kronolheads, Naam, Yona and... Franco? Seriously? Again? Within the Engine Core, the noise from the outside is muted. I can't hear the people fighting, only Wilford, still whispering to Curtis' ear. "Look at them. That's how people are. You know - you've seen this - you've been this".
Curtis stares blankly ahead. "Ridiculous, pathetic, aren't they?".
"Stop it", I say, but it's like Curtis is being brainwashed.
"You can save them from themselves. This is what Gilliam saved you for. Curtis", he says dramatically, "this is your destiny".
"Please", I say. He turns to me, as if seeing me for the first time, and pushes me back, sternly. I'm so surprised I fall slamming down the steps. Yona runs through the engine, towards us. "Curtis! The match!", she asks, but when she reaches for him, he stops her too. His hand, tense towards her shoulder, keeping her away.
I think my heart just broke. Yona steps back, towards where I am, and her heart just broke too.
No wait, it's not just that. She looks at me, then runs to the table and picks up a knife.
Panicking, she starts running the knife to the edges of a wood tile on the floor, anxious. I pull up the laser and start helping her.
Curtis kinda snaps out of it, his tall figure hovering over us, brushing our hands away to remove the tile himself.
Under the tile, between cogs and machinery, young Timmy is working a piece of the engine, his hands moving with that same weird gesture that Mason and Wilford did.
Okay, so Wilford didn't eat the children. Still. Having them work as pieces of machinery into the engine is still creepy as fuck. I'm not going to stand it.
"What have you done?", I say, but it's more a lament than a real question.
Gently, Wilford crouches down to us, closing the tile back into place. "The space only allows for a very small person. Children under five", he explains, standing up. "The engine lasts forever, but not do all of its parts. That piece of equipment went extinct recently". He pats Curtis' shoulder walking by, going over to the table to pour himself some wine like it's explaining the most normal thing in the world. "We needed a replacement".
Oh, right, bonkers.
"Thank goodness the tail section has manufactured us a steady supply of kids. So we can keep going manually. You should appreciate it, outsider. You're not the only one with an eternal live engine".
"You idiot!" I snarl. "the Tardis itself is alive, not her parts! She is alive and sentient! And if it's not working now, it's just because she's mourning this poor train. She couldn't handle what you've done with your engine!", I cry, still looking at the tile unbelieving.
Curtis face returns angered and bitter. He's back. He looks at me and I swear I could touch the tension emanating from him. "I'll do it if you don't", I whisper, but he's already standing up, walking over to Wilford.
I don't think I've ever seen him hit someone this hard.
Wilford falls back, so smig he was probably caught off guard by Curtis' hit. And he doesn't stop, he keeps beating the old man down. "Fucking bastard", he grunts, kicking him.
Yona and I open the tile back up. I give a quick look to the mechanich, trying to figure out how to get Timmy out of there safely. I am not even sure the engine would stop just removing him. I don't know how to stop it, but then Curtis reappears at my side. He looks at the rotating piece over Timmy's head, he thinks about it for a second and then he puts his arm into the cog, stopping it. The painful cries he gives is heartbreaking.
The engine stops. I almost dive into the manhole, trying to reach Timmy. Curtis scrambles in his pockets. "Yona", he says, "take the fire".
Yona, determined, runs out. I almost fall down. "I can't reach him", I cry to Curtis.
The engine core starts to open and an alarm goes off. Critical engine shutdown, the intercom repeats. Please stand at a safe distance.
"Andy? Is that you?", Curtis calls. ""Andy! Do you remember me?", he repeats. I feel his hand on my shoulder and I move up, searching around for the kid. He's absent-minded, like a robot, walking towards the core. I stand up and run for him while Curtis takes my place trying to get Timmy out of there.
"Andy, stop! Listen to me! Don't go up those stairs, listen!", he cries, as Andy moves slowly near the core entrance. I jump and grab him. He keeps shaking like he's still walking. "Andy, calm down!", I tell him, caressing his head to soothe him. He wrestles me to no avail, but it's like nothing can stop him.
"Curtis, don't be so melodramatic", Wilford says, warily, regaining consciousness, sitting with his back on the wooden furniture. "You know everyone has their own preordained position", he repeats the gesture.
Curtis looks at him, studying the gesture. He takes a deep breath then plunges down into the manhole when Timmy's hand is over his head and grabs him. Screaming in agony, he carefully draws him out of the engine. I walk over, still holding Andy. "Come, Timmy", I instruct.
Yona is already running to us, while Naam tries to shut the gate leaving the explosion outside. She lifts Timmy up and comes by my side. I place Andy's hand into hers and run to Curtis, who looks at me, frantic. "Not me! The gate!".
"Sure, I'll just leave you here", I smirk, then point the laser at the cog's centre. "Naam is taking care of it". Short of breath, Curtis looks incredulously at his almost cut hand, then spots Naam who first tries to close the heavy gate manually, then runs towards us. I try to run back to the gate and laser it close but Curtis quickly grabs my hand and yanks me out of the way, covering me until we reach Yona and the kids in the core chamber.
Curtis takes my hand and we both hugh Yona, Naam, engulfing the children.
Wilford sits back at the table, eating his steak. "Nice", he says, as the explosion blast us.
I blink as I feel the ravine shifting the planet surface, snow falling everywhere, hard and uncontrolled. The train is falling out of the rail too fast and even if I'm maybe the only one conscious, I can't stand up. Yona and the kids are basically a ball of fur and heads, entwined together in fetal position. I raise my arms to stop a heavy metal bar from falling over and crush Curtis, who's laying unconscious on top of me, when the engine room finally stops spinning.
I close my eyes, and I hear a distant sound, like a whirring. I'm so happy I could cry. Curtis blinks.
"Hi", he whispers, looking into my eyes.
"Hi", I say, struggling. He moves to pull himself up. "No, slow!", I warn him just before he hits his head on the metal bar.
He slides back, avoiding it to stand, then picks the metal bar with a growl to let me slide out too. "How where you holding this up?", he wonders. "You really are full of surprises".
"You haven't seen anything yet", I wink as he lets the bar drop and pulls my hand to help me up.
We walk through the now dead engine, following Yona and the kids who are happily yapping away to the gate,
I help Naam to stir up from where he landed, while Curtis leans over Wilford, who's been impaled by a metal rod during the fallover of the train. He snorts and walks past, but he stops in dread before looking outside. I pick up one of the fur coats that Yona had brought us, who have flewn their way into the engine room with the explosion, and place it gently around his broad shoulders.
"Ready?", I ask him.
He turns and takes my hand. "Ready", he says, sternly, then climbs over to the gate.
I sit down, my legs hanging over the edge of the upside-down train, while Curtis stands up behind me. The whole train lies like a beaten dragon down the side of the mountain. I look towards the end, searching.
Yona, Timmy and Andy are walking out in the snowfield, then they stop.
Curtis follows their gaze uphill, where a polar bear is standing by, curious by the sudden appearance of humans on the surface of the planet.
"No one else?", Naam asks, his face appearing in the opening.
"See, the train is upside down. Probably most doors are facing the ground. Or they can't see anything but the sky", a familiar, sharp and clear voice explains. I jump up and finally turn to the other side, where the Doctor is leaning on the blue wooden doors of the Tardis, gloriously standing in the snow just feet away from the head of the train.
I almost cry in surprise. "Where the hell have you been?".
"Been caught up. Tricky one, that Egg-head", he shrugs. "And Gilliam. I sensed something was wrong when he tried to convince me I should join you to the quest for the front".
"They showed it to us in CCTV, the execution. I thought you were-", I start, jumping down.
"I know. I had no way to reassure you. Martha was setting up a camp hospital, Donna was keeping an eye on the children, I was defending the Tardis. Wilford had quite an eye for her. When they came with the eggs, I was working on a perception filter", he says, knocking on the wood. "Make them believe they got rid of us".
"So, Martha? Donna?", I ask, hugging him. "Are they all right too, then?".
"Safe and sound", he smiles broadly, his hand reaching aside to push the Tardis open. "As is someone else. As is the whole tail section, actually".
Curtis climbs down the side of the train, and when he looks back at the Tardis, Martha is standing with Edgar beside the Doctor.
"Looks like I missed all the fun, boss", he says apologetically.
Without saying a word, Curtis strides to hug him.
I step closer to them, hands in my pockets. The Doctor straightens himself up from the door and walks to me. "Well done, Zoe". He hugs me so tight it's hard to breathe. I smile, silently, then he pats my shoulder sending me off.
I walk over to Yona, who's building a snowcastle with the kids. I sit down with her and help them out. "Oi", the bright voice of Donna calls me. "You're going to need help with that", she says, while Chan and all the other children from the tail section run over to play with Timmy and Andy.
I hug her when Martha and the Doctor come towards us. "You done with the distribution?", he asks Donna. "As instructed, spaceman", she nods.
"So, off?", I ask.
Martha starts walking back to Edgar. "Do you want to ask him-?", the Doctor invites.
"No. Why- No, no", I tell him, almost doubting. "He would say no, anyway".
"Quite right", he nods, giving me a small, glowing glass ball, while I look at Curtis from afar. I guess he understood too. "This is for him. Bit of a headstart after all they've been through".
"Why are you doing this? I thought you didn't like him".
"Oh, you know me. I'm a sucker for a successful rebellion".
I smile. "I thought you were just indulging me".
"What? Me? A tormented soul, searching for justice, in need of a wise Time Lord guidance at his side?". I tilt my head, smirking. "Remind you of someone?", he keeps, oblivious to my annoyance.
I smile, thankfully, then nod at him and stomp in the snow towards Curtis. The Doctor is right. Maybe I felt I needed to help him that bad because I recognized something of me in him. And I think the Doctor just compared me to himself, which is definitely a first. And hey, I didn't kill anyone, and I didn't black out.
You're getting better, child.
Oh shut up, I reply mentally. I am pretty sure the voice I hear is the Master's. I shrug and squeeze my own shoulders, trying to ignore it.
When I reach him, knee deep in the snow, Curtis is looking at me with only one eye open in the blinding white. I open my mouth to speak but he grabs my jacket, pulls me in and hugs me tight. I'm so surprised I can't react. I draw my head back a little and his forehead nudges into mine. I shift so that my arms are draped around his neck while his hands hold the small of my back. I lift myself on my toes to reach him and softly kiss his lips, keeping my mouth shut.
He closes his eyes when I draw back, kisses me again and smiles.
"Zoe", he says sweetly, and it's the first time he says my name, I think. "I can't even begin to-".
"Then don't", I smile back. "Just promise me you'll keep believing in the universe".
He looks around, cautiously.
"Here", I say, opening his hand to place the globe the Doctor gave me in his palm. "It's a terraforming globe. Smash it, and it kickstarts the ecosystem. Builds sustainable life overnight. Plus I believe the Doctor and Donna stacked the tail section with supplies", I add, pointing at people coming out of the tail section with sandwiches and clean clothes.
"Isn't this cheating?", he wonders.
"A bit. But - as crazy as he was, Wilford was right in one sense. You might not be the last of humanity, but you are humanity on this planet. And these people still need a leader".
He shakes his head, shyly.
"And another thing he was right about - two arms is better than one. You are their leader".
He hugs me again, then he sighs, giggling, twisting the globe in his hands. "Better get to work then".
"Good luck, Curtis", I tell him.
"You too, Zoe".
I smile, stepping back. "Edgar", I nod as he approaches, and he salutes, respectfully. "Oh don't salute", I say, as the Doctor leads me back to the Tardis.
Martha and Donna are staring at me like they were my gossiping college roommates and I just got home from a hot date.
"Oh come on!", Martha smiles, while Donna comes to my side and nudges my shoulder.
I shake my head, giggling nervously, and hug them as the Doctor twirls around the console, springing the Tardis into action. "Shut up", I tell them.
Yeah, about that. Don't think you can silence me, child.
A sharp, piercing sting of pain crosses my head, and I collapse to the floor, unconscious.
Hi. I'm back. I've got no excuse. Just trying to wrap this up. -x