Chapter 23

You have to do something about those headaches, you know.

Look who's talking.

Uh-uh. Not me.

Then what? Who?

Well you're clever, and there's only two of us here.

Here meaning my head.

Yeah,

Good to know.

Speaking of which, how do you feel?

Unconscious? Crazy? Am I having a conversation in my head?

How. Do. You. Feel.

...

It's depressing, this constant need of yours to be told you're clever.

Seriously.

I mean it, seriously.

I beg your pardon if it never occurred to me that the headaches only occur when I try to stop you from talking.

Liar. You didn't have any headaches lately.

I was still trying to shut you up.

But were you, really?

...

Come on.

Ok, I don't know. Maybe I was listening.

That's a start.

I don't want to.

Why not, child?

Let me think about it. Because I'm afraid you're a crazy psychopath who tortured me and my friends? Because you're dead?

Excuse me, but who do you think I am?

I can't answer to that.

You're afraid to answer to that, you mean.

Okay, I'm afraid to answer to that.

You already know the answer.

...

You know I'm not going to say it for you.

Ok, ok.

...

...

Still waiting.

People don't usually have conversations in their heads.

Fair point.

And, you're dead.

See this is where you're wrong, I'm not-

You're the part of my mind that came from him.

Getting closer, child.

So I should just embrace it? Letting you speak to me?

Why not? Is it that much of a problem?

Everytime you speak, you seem to suggest I should let my inner psychopath arise and bring mayhem.

Do I?

Don't play ironic with me.

I'm only trying to help you be who you want to be.

And of course you know who that is better than me.

Haha.

You're the side of me who knows better, then. I'm not sure I trust you on that.

I am a Time Lord too, remember? Isn't that who you're trying to become?

I... I don't want to be the Time Lord the Master was.

Ah. You think the Doctor is much better.

Surely better than him.

You think you know him, but you don't. The Doctor and the Master are not that different.

I don't know if I believe you.

Don't you see, child, if I'm telling you this...

...

Come on. Wake up.

...

I said, wake up!

"Wake up!".

I blink as Martha shakes my shoulders. "Whoa. Welcome back".

"Thanks", I say, lifting myself up. Donna helps me up, staring at me warily.

"This keeps happening to you".

"I know", I say. "I might just have learned how to fix it. It's nothing, really", I say.

"Nothing? You were gone for at least-".

"What do you mean, a way to fix it?", the Doctor cuts her off.

"Fix it, well, -ish". I shrug. "Not really sure".

He walks to Martha. "Can I keep you here for a little longer? We need to sort this out". She stares at him. "Time Lords stuff".

"Yeah, sure", Martha smiles, defeated.

"I'll go make some tea". Donna nods, carrying Martha towards the now re-existing stairs.

"Brilliant. Great. Thanks", he says uncomfortably. "You - explain. Now".

"Really?", I cross my arms. "Time Lords stuff? Martha aches to go home, I think we can talk about this later-".

He spins until he's in front of me. "Later when? I thought you wanted out, too".

"No, I, uhm, I mean, I...". Zoe? Words? Actual sentences? Damn.

"I'm sorry", he says, placing both his hands on my shoulders.

I'm speechless.

"About what I said after the Sontarans".

Oh.

I smile. "Since when do you apologize?", I tilt my head. "I did good on that train and that's it? You're fine with me staying?".

"I never asked you to leave".

He's right.

"I should never have said that. I don't really want to leave. I'm just-".

I'm cut, because he is hugging me. I'm startled, at first, but then I let my arms down and hug him back.

I never felt the Doctor this honest. Which makes the hug quite awkward.

He steps back as if he had the same feeling, and immediately starts rambling. "Now. Back to business. No, scrap that. Not business. Back to the Time Lord stuff. Ugh, that really must have sounded bad now that I hear it again from my voice. Anyway. How do you fix the headaches?".

"I believe I'm causing them myself", I admit, not quite in the same happy mood the Doctor has.

"How?".

"Not listening to a part of my mind, apparently".

He rests on the console, his hands holding to the edge. "Hmm", he murmurs. "There's a part of your mind that you've been trying to shut up? No wonder you can't properly share the psychic link. That could drive you insane, Zoe".

"More like give me headaches, it seems".

"But why?".

I shrug. "This... voice I hear, the things it says... I guess it scares me?".

He just looks at me, waiting for me to deepen.

I groan. "I wasn't sure who it was. And I thought it was trying to lead me to places I didn't want to go. But... If I stop and listen, I mean, it's starting to make sense".

"Wait, wait. Does this - this voice, do you think it's the Master?".

I shiver. It seems like a million years we haven't said his name aloud.

"I thought. At first. Because the headaches only came when I tried to use telepathy. But really, I think it's just the part of him that's inside me".

He raises his eyebrows. "And you're scared of listening to what he - what his side of you - could have to say?".

"Wouldn't you?".

He spins and turns back to me, placing his hands on my shoulders again. "Listen, Zoe. You have to accept that that's who you are. And you've been Zoe all your life, Time Lord or not. The sooner you accept he's part of you...".

"I'm doing my best to accept that, Doctor. But as long as it's memories of Time Lords stuff, or engineering, or brain... but character? I wasn't sure I wanted to listen to advices ".

"Wasn't?".

"This last time I fainted, It made me think that maybe this voice is only trying to help".

He nods. "Doubt is always a part of the mind. Only fools never doubt themselves".

"I'm not just talking about doubt, right or left. I'm scared of the... darkness that side of me could bring".

"Darkness, Zoe", he states, looking very sharp at me, "is always a great part of a Time Lord's mind. Can't help it. We've seen too much". I shiver. "What you make of it is what leads you to be a good person or not".

"Well that's easy for you to say", I shrug.

He looks at me inquisitively. "Don't assume I am a good person, Zoe. Never make that mistake. Sometimes the line between right and wrong is very thin".

The oncoming storm.

"I know", I admit.

I see now.

What the voice said, that the Doctor and the Master are not that different, it means part of me already believes that.

Or, am I trying to convince myself of that? And what? That the Doctor is more like the Master, or that the Master is more like the Doctor than what I thought?

"So if you stop and listen to that side of you, let it be part of you, embrace it... no more headaches?".

"I hope so".

"Might just work". He walks closer and kisses my forehead. "Don't go anywhere".

"I'll do my best", I nod.

Just then, my hand tingles, and a golden, swirling blast of energy escapes my ring and engulfs me, whisking me away.