47 - Jack of all trades
"I wasn't actually sure I'd find you here".
Jack smiles and comes closer, he puts a flowers bouquet on Ianto's grave.
"How did you find out?".
"Oh, the long way round", I smile bitterly. "Went to Cardiff, saw what happened at the Hub, so I went to Gwen, because I didn't know how to find you, and she told me about Ianto. I thought I owed him a visit, with or without you. I am so sorry for your loss, Jack. He was special".
He looks at me, then turns around, as if searching for something.
"The Doctor left you stranded again?".
I don't reply.
"Come on", he says, his arm around my back as he turns. "Let me buy you coffee".
I bet that we're both thinking about Ianto's coffee when we sip from the smoking mugs the nice waitress just gave us. It's a sunny day in London, and Covent Garden square is buzzing with people, musicians, children. Jack looks around, lost in thought.
"So. What happened with you?".
"The Doctor… he sort of decided we needed some… apart time".
He smiles, bitterly. "I can see how strongly you agree with that decision".
I take another sip. "I'm worried about him, Jack. After that whole deal with the Daleks, he…" I don't know how to phrase it.
"You take up a lot of space, Zoe. He pretends to be fine on his own, but he'll soon realizes he misses you. And he will come back".
"I'm not sure. Last time I saw him, he was so… cold, distant. Like he couldn't wait to get rid of me".
"What about Donna?".
I smile. "Alive and thriving. But we, he, uhm, he had to erase her memory. Or she'd be dead by now".
"Time lord consciousness in a human brain. I wondered how that could work".
"There you go, it couldn't. So she's fine, but she can no longer be our friend".
He nods. Jack took a long time to find a team he trusted, and he lost almost all of them.
"What about doppelgänger Doctor? And… Rose?".
"Back to their parallel universe".
His face turns serious. "Can't have been easy".
"It wasn't. And yet, when we left them, he was…". Oh, shit, Zoe, you're daft.
"Don't tell me he cried", Jack jokes.
"Quite the opposite. He sounded… cold, and distant". Stupid, stupid Zoe.
"Like he couldn't wait to get rid of her?", he repeats smiling softly, his hand reaching to my cheeks to gently wipe tears I wasn't aware of.
"Oh, well. Sometimes I think I've got it all figured out, but I'm a mess".
"Oh, Zoe, you… sexy, mad mess. Come on. You're better than that. You're a mess?! And who isn't?". He's right. And I'm sorry, being all whiny and complaining to someone who just lost a long-sought lover. He is so kind I wonder if maybe I can team up with Jack and keep him with me.
"Oh, Jack, I'm so glad I ran into you".
"Always a pleasure, rockstar. Now, if you're going where I think you're going, I've got something for you", he says, rummaging through his pockets.
I look away, pick up the mug to sip coffee, and turn back to him. "Broadfell".
"Oh, I know you well. So, before the Hub went kaboom and ransacked, your research alerts actually did bring some results", he says, playing with something in his hand. "By the way, I'm sorry but your stapler was lost in the ruins".
I smile and rest the coffee mug on the table, lean in on my elbows.
"So, your boyfriend-".
"-not my boyfriend".
"-apparently your beloved psycho former Prime Minister had left instructions in case of his death".
"Left instructions? For who?".
"Stay with me, love this part", he giggles. "They're called the disciples of Saxon. It's a cult? Some looney lunatics? Anyway. The diaries you were looking for, those secret books of Saxon, they exist. And they had instructions for the Potions of life".
I glare at him. "Sounds a bit like rubbish". Disciples? A cult? But, besides me, who would want to bring him back to life? I'm not even sure I want him back.
"It definitely does. Besides, they should have something of his to make it work. And I'm not sure they do. Anyway. This Potions of life…", he continues, twisting his hand. He's holding a small vial.
"You made it?".
"In your dreams, love". He says, clinging his hand around it. "We reverse engineered the opposing potion".
I rest my back against the chair. Of course he prepared an antidote.
"I think you should have it", Jack continues, opening his hand and offering me the vial. "If they try to bring him back, I think the decision of stopping them should be yours".
I slowly take it from his hand, twist it in my hand, carefully. I still think it's all bullshit. How would a potion bring him back? His body burned. I was there.
But here I am, and Jack is giving me the Master's permission to live.
His life, in my hands.
I shiver, then look up to him. "Why?".
"You're the Time Lords. I don't think a bunch of crazy fanatics should have the right to bring that man to life. Surely not unsupervised".
"So. You're not staying around to wait impatiently", I note. "But if you keep it, you can stop them. Yet… you're not sure I will, and still you're giving me the only thing that can stop them".
This time he leans back on his chair and looks away. "You don't know the full story of happened with Torchwood. And I respect you like crazy, but I am not going to tell you. Too long, too painful. Just know that I lost the right to make decisions on who gets to live and who has to die".
Jack is quite honest, and if he's not saying more than this it means he's in a dark, scary place where I don't have the right to go. Still, is it wise for anyone to have that right?
I nod. "So what are you going to do now?".
He keeps looking at the lively, animated square. "This place… I love it. But I'm tired. Stay somewhere too long, the bad memories start to outnumber the good ones. Surprise and wonder get replaced by…routine and boredom. And I've been here too long".
I'm sure he doesn't mean London, but I think he doesn't mean Wales either.
"I just wish I could take a break and go back to the universe. Not forever, obviously. But, a look at the stars, at outer space… puts every little thing back into perspective. The bad memories could blur again with the good ones, and life would be a little easier".
I remember something. "Have you ever heard of someone called the lost?".
"The Lost? Nope". He shakes his head. "Cool nickname, though".
"Anyway. I've been there", I say, nodding. He turns to me. "Not- not outer space, I mean. But also, yes", we both giggle. "Tell you what", I say, offering my hand.
He looks at me puzzled, then gives me his hand. I pull his arm towards me and push aside his sleeve to open his vortex manipulator wristband.
"Oh, brilliant", he says, almost moved.
I wink. "Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, tell the Doctor that it was me".