THE FIRST TIME

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT - BAD MEDICINE

"First you need (That's what you get for falling in love)

Then you bleed (You get a little and it's never enough)

And then, you're on your knees (That's what you get for falling in love)

Now this boy's addicted 'cause your kiss is the drug

Oh, oh, oh, your love is like bad medicine

Bad medicine is what I need!

Shake it up

Just like bad medicine!

There ain't no doctor,

who can cure my disease!"

BON JOVI (From the album "New Jersey" (1988))

Relationships. When the school year began, all Dawson knew about them was from movies and TV, not to mention studying his parents and the other adults in his life and how they either made them work, or for some reason still stayed together, in spite of the spark clearly having gone out of their relationship long ago. For each couple, who were like his parents and still in love with one another, it seemed to him like there was a near endless stream of the other kind and it made him happy, that at least it wasn't himself caught up in one of them. He was contemplating this, while himself and Pacey were working a rare morning shift at Screen Time together, due to the sophomore prom being on that exact evening.

"Who knew that the morning shift would be this busy?" Pacey rhetorically asked him, after they'd just served at least fifteen customers over the last hour or so.

"It's only for another couple of hours, then we can forget that this place exists and concentrate on our pleasing prom dates instead" Dawson dryly answered, before getting a small chuckle from Pacey in return.

"I don't know if I'd want this place to not exist! I mean, if it didn't, where would I earn enough money around here, to be able to move out of my mom's house, right after I've graduated?" Pacey asked him, while he was putting the VHS cassette tapes back in their usual spot, on the huge rack of tapes behind where they would sit during their shifts there.

"Maybe, this isn't the right time or place to tell you this ..." Dawson began a sentence, he'd wanted to get out for some time.

"You can tell me anything, Dawson, you know that. Even if we aren't brothers, I'm still closer with you, than I am I with my actual brother".

"I've talked it over with my parents and with my schoolwork requiring more of my time after the summer break and me wanting to spend more time working towards becoming a filmmaker someday ..." he began, but his oldest friend could already tell, where it was heading.

"You're quitting your job here, aren't you?" Pacey asked, while clearly trying not to sound too disappointed, that they wouldn't be working together anymore. "It's okay with me, I probably should have seen it coming".

"It doesn't have anything to with you, Pacey. It's just ..."

"That you have this glowing future ahead of you, that you have to start putting first, or you'll end up falling behind compared to your competition. I'm fine with that, I really am. I just wish that I could have my own glowing future like it, to look forward to".

"Cheer up, Pacey! This time next week, Joey will be home again, and we both know that by the time I head off to Philadelphia, the two of you will be right back to where you left off half a year ago! And you will find something that you're good at someday, I'm sure of it. Whether or not you'll find it in here, is a different matter".

"Are you implying that I should find myself a different job?"

"Have you been considering it?" he asked Pacey, who replied with a small shrug.

"Let's face it, it isn't like there's much in the way of room for personal growth, when it comes to work like this. If you want the truth, I could probably do a halfway decent job here in my sleep".

"I hear that the Ice House is looking for extra serving staff to fill in over the summer and if the tourist season this year lives up to last year's, you're almost certain to make more money in one day there in tips alone, than you will working for an entire week here. Money, that could spend on pleasing a certain female someone, who you've been dying to take out sailing in your boat, perhaps?" he suggested to Pacey, who didn't seem entirely dismissive of the idea.

After their shift was over for the day, he had his dad drive him home, so that he could get ready with plenty of time to spare, before Pacey was stopping by to pick him up in his mom's car and they would pick their dates up for the sophomore prom.

"Have you thought any more about Boston next year?" his dad asked him, while they were waiting at a red light and there was an almost eerie calm in the air.

"I still can't decide" Dawson candidly answered, since after over a month of deliberating the pros and cons in his head, he still hadn't reached anything remotely similar to a resolution on what to do. "What would you do, if you were in my situation?"

"I sort of was. Not in the exact same way, of course, but it wasn't all that far from it" his dad answered him.

"I don't think that you've ever told me the story attached to that statement?"

"I've told you before about how my father, when I was around your age, got that job offer down in Pennsylvania and it was why my parents and your aunt moved down there, haven't I?"

"You've mentioned it a time or two. You lived with my great-grandparents for the rest of high school, didn't you?"

"Sure did, but it wasn't like my mom and dad didn't give me the choice to move to Pennsylvania with them, if I wanted to. Don't think that I haven't thought many times about how my life could have turned out differently, if I had chosen differently".

"Do you think, you would have been richer, than you are now?" Dawson jokingly asked.

"It's impossible to say, isn't it? When it comes to being rich on love though, I can't say that I haven't been on the winning side" his dad lovingly said and they shared a warm smile.

"What made you choose to stay?"

"My friends, mostly. At that time, I couldn't imagine my life without them in it".

"That's what I've been thinking, too. I can make new friends in Boston, but ..."

"There just aren't anyone in the entire world, who know you like your old friends do, is there?"

"No, I guess not. Plus, there's the whole Mary-Beth situation, that I want to see how plays out. If I was to leave and lost my chance with her because of it, I just know that I'll always be asking myself what could have been and if she could have been the one" he told his dad, as truthfully as he could.

"It sure sounds to me, like you already have your answer" his dad told him, just before the light turned green and they continued on their way back to the house, he'd called home since he was born and would continue to do so, at least for the next couple of years.

"Someone's got his dancing shoes on today!" Jack's sister Andie playfully joked, after she'd just caught him practicing a few moves in his room, that he planned on pulling out of his hat at the sophomore prom that evening.

"One of us has to show our peers that our entire family isn't completely derived of a sense of rhythm, don't they?" he sarcastically replied, so as to not let her know how embarrassed he was at having been busted acting like a 1984 version of Madonna like this.

"Just because I like to stick to the three dance moves that I know, doesn't mean that I can't dance, Jack!" his sister protested, albeit not in any major way.

"I've seen plenty of footage from family weddings that prove otherwise!"

"Footage, that we can never let any of our new friends see, even if their lives depended on it! I guess, this means that you're looking forward to the prom, almost as much as I am".

"Even if you don't have a real date for it?"

"I see it as my last evening with Pacey, before his girlfriend comes home and I'll be old news to him in no time. So, are you and Jen planning on sealing the deal, so to speak, after prom is over? Not that I care, I just need to know if I have to have a back-up ride home!" Andie, very unconvincingly, asked him.

"Don't you think that sharing something like that with your sister crosses a line, that we shouldn't be crossing?" he asked and seeing Andie blush a little, told him that she definitely wasn't ready to hear from the horse's mouth about any sexual escapades, he might have had. Of which there hadn't been any to speak of, since they'd left Providence behind, but his twin sister didn't need to know that part.

"You don't think that Kate provided me with every detail, after the first time you guys did it?" Andie asked and in doing so, divulged a piece of information to him that he'd never wanted to hear.

"She did?" he instantly had to ask, while a strange sense of feeling violated in some way, travelled through his body.

"Are you forgetting that we were best friends, Jack? You didn't actually expect her not to talk to her best friend about such a monumental event in her life, did you?"

"I guess, I was foolishly hoping that she wouldn't! How much exactly, did she reveal to you?"

"Nothing, that it would make you feel ashamed to hear, I promise! Maybe, I shouldn't tell you this, but she actually gave you a lot of praise for your performance that evening. I remember how she said that you were a very giving sort of lover, who was putting her needs ahead of your own" Andie explained, as the reasons why he was such a generous giver that evening began flashing through his head again, after months of him having gladly forgotten all about it. The truth, as he could never have told it to Kate, was that he was having a world of trouble becoming aroused enough with her, for him to "fulfill his part of the deal".

"Can we never talk about this or any part of our sexual lives, for that matter, from now on and ever again?" he dryly asked, getting him a cheeky smile from Andie in return.

"Who would have picked you to be the prude out of us two, huh?"

"I'm not being a prude because I don't want to discuss my sex life with the same girl that I shared a womb with!"

"Okay, have it your way, you big softie! Of course, I could slyly ask Jen for you, if it's something that she might be up for?"

"Stay out of it, Andie! Whatever happens, happens and whatever does or doesn't happen, isn't any of your business, anyway! Are we clear on this?"

"Okay, I'll try not to! I hope that you are aware however, that girls who are mine and Jen's age often talk about sex with their friends and not the least, the things that they get up to with their boyfriends, when no one is keeping an eye on them?"

"Guys do that too, you're hopefully aware of?"

"I'm just saying that whether I intend to or not, it isn't all that unlikely that I could be told or overhear some stuff, you might not want me to hear. Either way, I should leave you to it. If was I saw was any indication, those dance moves of yours need to have some serious work put into them, brother dearest!" Andie quipped, before he threw a pillow at her and she giggling ran out of his room.

After she'd left, he tried to get into the groove of dancing again, but found it impossible thanks to one thought, or rather an image, running through his mind: That of his ex-girlfriend Kate giving his twin sister far more information, than he ever would have wanted her to know about his sexual exploits!

With his immediate future already having been sorted out earlier that day, all Dawson had to do for the rest of the afternoon was get ready for his big date with the ex-girlfriend, who he was hoping would be his new current girlfriend again, before the evening was over. Of course, he knew Mary-Beth well enough to know that she was unlikely to throw himself at him and offer herself up on a silver platter, but he could settle for less and if he had to be honest, just a small hint from her that they might get back together would be enough to keep him going over the several weeks, where he wouldn't be seeing her. Perhaps, he would be allowed by his aunt to call her once or twice from Philadelphia, still with the high prizes for calls between Pennsylvania and Arizona, their calls also would have to be kept short and to only talking about the essential things, making this his final realistic chance to find out exactly where he stood with her, for the following month or so at least.

As they'd planned, Pacey had come by to pick him up in his mom's car, that now where she'd gotten her license back, he probably wouldn't be allowed to borrow nearly as frequently, as he had over the past months. Not that it mattered on this evening, but what did matter was that Pacey (being the always nice and helpful guy, that he was) had also offered to give Jen and Jack a ride, meaning that there would be six of them in the four-seated car and it would start to look like a clown-car, when they all had to be fitted in there. It was for this reason, and because the lack of ability to move his legs even the slightest had already led to an ever more painful cramp starting to build up in one of them, just on the short ride from Jack and Jen's parents' house to that of Mary-Beth's, that he offered to get out and wait with his date for a taxi to come, rather than submit himself and his co-passengers to an even worse and more curdled up situation for the remainder of their trip.

And, it goes without saying, this also gave him a chance for some precious alone time with his date, before they would be surrounded by loud music and people all evening, making the chance to have any kind of meaningful conversation practically impossible.

"You'll knock them all dead at the prom tonight, you know that?" he flirtingly asked Mary-Beth, while they were standing by the curb outside of her house and waiting for the taxi to arrive. Which, as a side bonus, also gave him a much-needed chance to properly stretch out his still slightly cramped up and sore leg, before any dancing was to take place. He wasn't lying though, in that his usually so quietly and inconspicuously dressed ex-girlfriend was looking like something out of a fairy tale in her elegant purple dress with neat little shoes of the same color to match with it.

"There you go again, saying things that aren't true, just to cheer me up! We both know that there'll be plenty of girls there tonight, who are much prettier, than I am" Mary-Beth shyly replied and like most of the things she did (especially lately), her way of talking herself down only made him all the more grateful, that he was the one who got to take this amazing one of a kind girl to the dance and show her what a proper good time is made of.

"They won't be in my eyes" he truthfully replied, which also had the bonus of getting him a cute smile in return from the object of his affections.

"I'm glad that we had this chance to talk, before the hustle and bustle of the dance begins. Look, I've thought about it a lot and I'm just not sure that I'm ready to take you back. Yet!" Mary-Beth quickly added, if only so that he didn't think that there was zero chance that it could happen. "And it isn't just because of what happened between you and Hannah. After tonight, it'll be over a month before we see one another again and ..."

"You don't want to spend all of that time missing me. I can't say that I haven't thought the same thing" he answered, and it looked to him, like Mary-Beth was relieved to hear it. Not that it had been exactly what he wanted to hear, yet he had to admit that what she said made perfect sense, from a purely logical standpoint.

"This time, we can chuck it down to bad timing, that's all. It doesn't mean that there isn't a chance that we'll get back together, because I still care about you. Even if you really hurt me, when you cheated on me".

"I know. What do you say that just for tonight, we pretend like none of that ever happened and simply concentrate on having fun instead?"

"I'd say that after the hell of taking all of those finals, if anyone deserves it, it's us!" she smilingly told him, before taking his hand and clutching it tightly.

This was how they were still standing, when the taxi arrived moments later to take them to their school, where what was hopefully to become a carefree and highly entertaining evening awaited them.

Jack had to admit that if there was one thing they were pretty good at, when it came to Capeside High, it was their ability to make the same old gym, that they had P.E. in twice a week, into something that resembled a place, it was almost logical to choose as your party location. This time, the theme of the decorations was "Vacation! Hooray!" (a theme that had apparently been chosen by unanimous vote among the party committee members), meaning that you had sort of a beach theme mixed with huge blown-up pictures of famous tourist sites from around the world. In any case, it looked like it was a hit with everyone and after they'd been fed and paid for the customary "Most Expensive Picture, you'll Have Taken of Yourself All Year", as Jen sarcastically liked to put it, they made their way out to the dancefloor. With "You Get What You Give" (one of his favorite songs) being played by the DJ, it made for a nice start to the evening as well, when it came to what kind of songs they'd be subjected to and with both of them having a blast, they kept it going for another handful of songs, before "Cotton Eye Joe" came on, marking a natural break to rest their legs and get some punch, as far as both of them were concerned!

"So, who's your bet on?" Jen cryptically asked him, while they were waiting in line.

"For what?" he asked, having no clue what she meant.

"Which of the girls here will end up crying her eyes out in the girl's room, before the evening is over?"

"Is that a tradition or something?" he cluelessly had to ask, since again, he really didn't have the faintest clue!

"It's practically an unwritten one! Trust me, I've never been to a school dance, where I haven't seen it happening at least one time during the evening! My best bet so far, is on Heather Doherty!"

"Why her?"

"Haven't you seen the way her date and her best friend have been shamelessly flirting, every time her back is turned? Here I thought that it was so obvious, there was no way that everyone wouldn't notice it!"

"I guess, I'm just not the sort of person, who picks up on things like that. Unless it's right up in my face and there's no way, I can avoid noticing it!"

"Spoken like a true guy!" she dryly semi-joked, as they made their way to the end of the line.

"Which flavor looks more delicious to you? Green, yellow, blue or red?" he quipped to Jen, who thought it over for a moment.

"I'm a big believer that we only live once, so I'm trying my luck with the blue punch!" Jen cheerfully replied.

"In that case, I'll go safe and pick the red. One blue and one red, please" he ordered and soon after, each of them was holding a cup of punch. Of somewhat questionable quality, it should be added.

"What does yours taste like?" Jen asked him, after having made a scrunchy face at the taste of the beverage of her own choice.

"Something undefinable that sort of tastes like berries, but not entirely, mixed with what I can only assume is an enormous amount of sugar!" he semi-joked in return, even if his description of the red liquid, he was holding, wasn't too far off from how it actually tasted. "Yours?"

"The only way to describe it is that it tastes like blue, and I can't say that it's a flavor, that's to my personal taste! Ah, look! There goes Heather Doherty, running off to the girl's room, almost like clockwork!" Jen triumphantly answered, before pointing the girl in question to him, who admittedly looked pretty upset and like her taking a break from the party to have a good cry-out, wasn't looking all that unlikely.

"You sure know how to read people and situations like that".

"I like to call it the one benefit to having raised myself with very little help from my parents. It's probably what drew me to you right away, like I was".

"How do you figure?"

"Because I knew right from the start, that you would never turn me into one of those overly emotional and insecure girls, who has to run off to cry in the middle of a dance, when she should be having fun with her friends instead. You know, it is sort of a prom custom, not that I'm a fan of any antiquated custom that makes teenage girls feel forced to do something, they're not ready for ... then again, we can't really say that it would be my first time either, so ... I guess, what I trying to get to is ..." Jen began very adorably rambling, before he felt the need to quickly cut her off.

"You don't have to say it out loud, Jen. I'm just not ready to do that yet" he quickly and blatantly lied, although if it even was a lie or not could be considered up for debate, given the circumstances.

"I know and I'm fine with it! I really am! Look, forget that I even mentioned it, okay?" Jen asked of him, and he smiled it off to her in reply.

The look in her eyes told him otherwise though, and if they hadn't been at the prom and surrounded by a gym full of witnesses, perhaps this could have been the moment, where he had managed to conjure up the needed courage from within and told her the reasons why he could never give her, what she wanted of him. Once again too, it made him feel sick of himself, that he hadn't done it far earlier, like he should have.

Little did he know however, that before the evening was over, his secret would be out to the one girl, he'd most wanted to tell it to.

END OF CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT