sorry if these chapters are awfully long. I hope the dialogue keeps the pace up :) and as always, I'm still hoping to hear your thoughts...
Chapter 50 - Timey-wimey cup-a-soup
"Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?", the warrior Doctor says.
"Yes", he says, stopping his hands. "No. I demand to be incarcerated in the Tower immediately with my co-conspirators Sandshoes, Granddad, and the Pixie".
I smile while the Doctors protest.
"Granddad?"
"They're not sandshoes".
"Yes, they are", the warrior Doctor says to him, checking his Converse.
"Silence", Elizabeth stops the bickering. "The Tower is not to be taken lightly. Very few emerge again".
The soldiers point their spears at us, guiding us through the woods.
The other two Doctors are walking a few steps ahead of us, while I'm walking side by side with my Doctor. My Doctor? Is that how I'm calling him?
"So, he's the Doctor too".
He looks at me, sighs, then looks at his shoes. "I don't like to think about him".
"Clearly", I nod.
He looks away. "He's the… He's the one from the war". I just love it when instead of answering a question, the Doctor says just the bare minimum grammatically required to form a complete sentence, and then shuts up so I can keep insisting for him to add words. But this time he's really just deciding what to say, because he keeps speaking. "I mean the War. He's… he's the Doctor that's done- he's me when I-".
"Got it" I interrupt him, because I want to spare him the pain of saying the rest: ended Gallifrey. "I was thinking he looks like a warrior. What is he doing here? Any idea?".
"Not really".
"Why don't you remember this? Do you think he'll… wipe his memory, like the Master did when we ran into him with Jack?".
"Doesn't need to. Three of us in one place, I guess our memory defaults to the older one. I think your… friend with the fez is the only one who will remember what happens here".
I can't help but notice a hint of annoyance when he calls him my friend with the fez.
I let it drop, and we all stay silent until we get pushed inside a cell in the dungeons in the Tower of London.
"Come on, you lot, get in there", the warden says leaving, shutting the door behind him.
"Ow", the War Doctor complains.
The bowtie Doctor finds a piece of metal bar and starts scratching on a stone pillar.
"Three of us in one cell? That's going to cause some nasty anomalies if we don't get out soon. What are you doing?", my Doctor asks.
"Getting us out", he replies.
The Warrior is using his sonic screwdriver on the wooden door.
"The sonic won't work on that, it's too primitive", the older Doctor warns him.
"Shall we ask for a better quality of door so we can escape?" I ask, waving my hands in defeat.
He ignores me, and my Doctor goes on. "Okay, so the Queen of England is now a Zygon. But never mind that. Why are we all together? Why are we all here? Well, me and… Chinny", he points at the other Doctor, "we were surprised, but you came looking for us. You knew it was going to happen. Who told you?"
"Oi, Chinny?", the other Doctor protests.
"Yeah, you do have a chin", he insists, looking at me for approval. I bite my lips.
"Zoe!", he protests, offended.
"Ah! Zoe", warrior Doctor calls, as if only now noticing me. "Who are you then?".
I am… a bit lost on how to answer him. I open my mouth to speak, when he says "Is she our wife?". I don't know who he's asking, but we all laugh, more nervous than we're pretending to be.
"No. No, no, no, no. No, no". Well the question definitely made me nervous. "No, no. No", I repeat. "No".
The Doctors both look at me.
"Seriously, Richards? Eleven nos? It's been timey-wimey, okay, but I mean, always fun! Never crossed your mind? No?", he says, adjusting his bowtie. "Liar", he whispers loudly to me.
"Really, Zoe? Him too?" the other says.
"Him too? Him too?" I repeat, twice. For emphasis. "He's literally you".
"Maybe I can regenerate into myself again", he says, looking defiantly at the other Doctor.
"At least I'm not the one going around kissing Zygons and proposing to queens" the other points out.
"Stop it, both of you!" I put myself between them. "How can you be jealous of yourself? Seriously".
"I'm not jealous", he insists, even if the other Doctors look at him with pitiful eyes. He is jealous, and he's not fooling anyone. "Not of him, nor Jack, not… the other one, or…"
"Oi! Enough with the shaming". Oh gosh. Really? "And please don't bring up the train guy again".
"Which train guy?", he says, surprised.
"I don't know!", I groan, annoyed. "Someone you were jealous of".
"Jealous? I'm not, I'm not jealous. And I don't know what train guy you're talking about".
"Okay".
"Okay!", he groans, frustrated. "Still, eleven times no? Forgive me if I am a slight tiny bit annoyed".
"But she's a Time Lady", the war Doctor is saying. It's a non sequitur, but at least he interrupted the uncomfortable bickering.
Three Doctors, our psychic link shut itself. I look at him, trying to guess what he's thinking.
"I am. I am a Time Lady". His eyes glint with a glimmer of hope, and I feel so sorry that I have to tell him the other part. "But I was born after the War, I guess. Just a… fellow traveler".
The Doctor groans, disapprovingly. "Sure. Just a passenger", he says, sarcastic.
"She's…", the bowtie Doctor says, shaking his head. "She's not not our wife, but she's much more than a fellow traveler. She's a friend. A very good friend. A deeply important… friend", he says, his voice softening. "But she's not from Gallifrey. Our unexpected Time Lady".
The War Doctor looks away, pretending that information doesn't matter. "Ah. Just checking if it was 100% sure that you aren't me", he says with a sad smile, looking daggers at the other two. I wonder if I should be scared of him – what did the Time War turn him into? But honestly, it feels like he's enjoying this detour out of his timeline.
Bow-tie Doctor resumes his scratching on the column.
"In theory, I can trigger an isolated sonic shift among the molecules, and the door should disintegrate", the War Doctor says, returning to the door.
"You'd have to calculate the exact harmonic resonance of the entire structure down to a sub-atomic level. Even the sonic would take years", I say.
"No, no, the sonic would take centuries. Oh, we might as well get started", he says, sitting down again. "Help to pass the… timey-wimey", he repeats, still annoyed by that phrasing. The nail scratching pauses. "Do you have to talk like children? What is it that makes you so ashamed of being a grown up?". Now both Doctors stop, and look around warily. "Oh, the way you both look at me. What is that? I'm trying to think of a better word than dread".
He's right, of course. We're joking and bantering, and all because these two can barely look at the man. They're so uncomfortable.
"It must be really recent for you", my Doctor says, and I know it was hard for him to say that. All I know about the war was really hard to get out of him.
"Recent?", he asks, confused.
"The Time War. The last day. The day you killed them all", the other Doctor quickly says.
"The day we killed them all", my Doctor corrects him.
"Same thing", he continues, looking away.
It's history for them. All decided. They think their future is real. They don't know it's still up to you.
Who did I just hear? Sounded like... Rose? The Doctors don't look like they heard her. One is still pacing around, the other keeps scratching the column to etch coordinates.
"I don't talk about it", the War Doctor says. Was he replying to the voice I just heard?
"You're not talking about it. There's no one else here", my doctor points out.
Go on, ask them. Ask them what you need to know.
"Did you ever count?", war Doctor asks.
"Count what?", the other Doctor replies, pausing the scratching again.
"How many children there were on Gallifrey that day", the War Doctor explains, serious.
The Doctor stops his scratching. "I have absolutely no idea", he says nonchalantly. The way my Doctor looks at him, it breaks my hearts.
"How old are you now?", the War Doctor asks.
"Ah, I don't know. I lose track. Twelve hundred and something, I think, unless I'm lying. I can't remember if I'm lying about my age, that's how old I am", he says, still scratching. Twelve hundred… So. He was eleven hundred and something when I saw him die at the lake, with River, Amy and Rory. This is… good news, right?
"Four hundred years older than me, and in all that time you've never even wondered how many there were? You never once counted?".
"Tell me", he replies, when the nail scratches nervously out of the line he's marking. "What would be the point?". I haven't seen him in a while, and while I look at him I remember all the times I've underestimated his anger and rage just because he has a reassuring, friendly face.
"Two point four seven billion", my Doctor says, disdainfully. He's judging him, and he's not afraid to show it.
"You did count!", the War Doctor points out.
Bowtie Doctor shakes his head, as the Doctor walks towards him, menacing. "You forgot? Four hundred years, is that all it takes?".
"I moved on".
"Where? Where can you be now that you can forget something like that?".
"Spoilers".
He quickly glances at me, looking for support. "No. No, no, no. For once I would like to know where I'm going".
"No, you really wouldn't", he replies, raising his voice.
I look at both of them, hoping they will calm down. For all the differences I know they have, I didn't know their feelings about the war were still so conflicted. Mainly, again, because they never talk about it. I'm starting to think this day would have been much better if we all went to see David Bowie at Glastonbury.
"I don't know who you are, either of you. I haven't got the faintest idea". The War Doctor says, shaking his head in disappointment.
They're you. They're what you become if you destroy Gallifrey. The man who regrets and the man who forgets. The moment is coming. The Moment is me. You have to decide.
Am I hearing… the Moment? As in the weapon? Does it mean he hasn't done it yet?
"No", the War Doctor says.
"No?" my Doctor repeats.
"Just, no".
The other Doctor laughs.
My Doctor looks at me. "Is something funny? Did I miss a funny thing? Zoe?". Boy, he's annoyed.
"Sorry. It just occured to me. This is what I'm like when I'm alone". He looks at me, I want to smile at his attempt to break the tension, but the other two, they look serious. My Doctor especially, he's looking at me like he could strangle me for that half smile I just had. I compose myself and look at them, my eyes indulging on all the three of them.
"It's the same screwdriver", I say, thinking aloud. "Same software, different case".
The War Doctor looks at his screwdriver, and his eyes light up. "…Four hundred years", he repeats.
"I'm sorry?", the Doctor replies.
"At a software level, it's always the same device, isn't it? Same software, different case".
"Yeah".
"So".
"So, it would take centuries for the screwdriver to calculate how to disintegrate the door. Scanning the door, implanting the calculation as a permanent subroutine in the software architecture and", he turns around, looking at them "if you really are me, with your… sandshoes and your dickie bow, and that screwdriver is still mine, that calculation is still going on!", he explains.
"Yeah, still going", my Doctor confirms, after listening to his sonic.
"Calculation complete", the other confirms, smiling.
"Hey, four hundred years in four seconds. We may have had our differences, which is frankly odd, in the circumstances", he admits, nodding at me, "but, I tell you what, boys. We are incredibly clever".
And at that moment, Clara opens the door and nearly falls in. She looks around at us. How-
"How did you do that?", her Doctor asks, surprised.
"It wasn't locked", she says, shrugging.
"Right", her Doctor replies, looking down.
"So they're both you, then, yeah?", she asks him, on the side.
"Yes. You've met them before. Don't you remember?", he replies.
"A bit", she says, looking at them "Nice suit".
"Thanks", My Doctor nods, then glances at me.
"Hang on. All of you in one cell, and none of you thought to try the door? What's your excuse, Zoe?" She asks, as if we're all idiots. Which, relatively speaking, we are.
And she's right. "It should have been locked", I say, shrugging, aware of how stupid that sounds.
"Yes. Exactly. Why wasn't it locked?", Clara's Doctor says.
"Because I was fascinated to see what you would do upon escaping. I understand you're rather fond of this world. It's time I think you saw what's going to happen to it". Elizabeth says as he enters the cell, pushing the door completely open.
"The Zygons lost their own world. It burnt in the first days of the Time War. A new home is required", Elizabeth explains as she shows us to another part of the dungeons, where the Zygons have set base. There's 3D paintings, and what looks like…
"So they want this one", Clara observes.
"Not yet. It's far too primitive. Zygons are used to a certain level of comfort", Elizabeth continues as a Zygon arrives from another side of the platform.
"Commander, why are these creatures here?", he inquires.
"Because I say they should be", she replies, sternly. "It is time you too were translated", she turns to us, instructing. "Observe this. I believe you will find it fascinating".
The Zygon puts his hand on the glass cube with dents in the corners, then vanishes. And vanishes is not what I mean, because he reappears as a figure in the 3D landscape painting in front of us.
"That's him! That's the Zygon in the picture now". Clara exclaims.
"It's not a picture, it's a stasis cube", the War Doctor explains. "Time Lord art. Frozen instants in time, bigger on the inside, but could be deployed as…".
"Suspended animation", I cut him. I'm seeing where this is going. The older Doctor nods approvingly.
"Oh, that's very good", My Doctor continues. As Elizabeth predicted, we do find this fascinating. "The Zygons all pop inside the pictures, wait a few centuries till the planet's a bit more interesting, and then out they come".
"You see, Clara, they're stored in the paintings in the Under Gallery, like cup-a-soups. Except you add time, if you can picture that. Nobody could picture that. Forget I said cup-a-soups", the other Doctor rambles about.
"And now the world is worth conquering. So the Zygons are invading the future, from the past".
"Exactly", the other Doctor continues.
"And do you know why I know that you're a fake?", my Doctor says, turning to Elizabeth.
"Oh, no", I groan. "Doctor…" I try to warn him, but he's not listening to me.
"Oh, I'm glad I don't remember any of this", the older Doctor says, while his predecessor continues to insult the Queen.
"Because you're such a bad copy. It's not just the smell, or the unconvincing hair, or the atrocious teeth, or the eyes just a bit too close together, or the breath that could stun a horse. It's because my Elizabeth, the real Elizabeth, would never be stupid enough to reveal her own plan. Honestly, why would you do that?".
Did he just call her my Elizabeth?
"Because it's not my plan. And I am the real Elizabeth", she points out.
"Okay", he gulps, realizing. "So, backtracking a moment just to lend context to my earlier remarks…".
"Tried to warn you…", I whisper.
"Yeeeah", he gulps, glancing at me.
"As I did with the horse. Just saying".
He glares at me, while Elizabeth continues. "My twin is dead in the forest. I am accustomed to taking precautions", she says showing us a dagger from the garter beneath her skirts. "These Zygon creatures never even considered that it was me who survived, rather than their own commander. The arrogance that typifies their kind".
"Zygons?", Clara asks.
"Men", Elizabeth and I say in unison.
"And you actually killed one of them?", Clara asks, impressed.
"I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but at the time, so did the Zygon", we all avert our eyes from the not weak nor feeble figure of Elizabeth. "The future of my kingdom is imperilled. Doctor, can I rely on your service?"
"Well, I'm going to need my Tardis", the Doctor says.
"It has been procured already", she says.
"Ha!", he cheers.
Elizabeth smiles. "But first, my love, you have a promise to keep".
He looks around, pretending he doesn't know what she's talking about. I stifle a laugh.
A few minutes later, we're all gathered around a beautiful tent, a priest is celebrating.
"I now pronounce you man and wife", he says, "You may kiss the bride".
Elizabeth launches herself at him with an enthusiasm that's quite clearly not reciprocated.
Clara cheers and throws confetti at them, laughing.
"Is there a lot of this in the future?", the War Doctor asks, his gaze quite puzzled by the whole thing, Elizabeth's liveliness, and the Doctor's hands trying to push her arms off his neck and get out of the snog.
"It does start to happen, yeah", the other Doctor says. "Not… not that far in the future. Ahem", he continues, looking at me.
"Ahem", I cough, but can't help but smile.
He beams at me. "You jealous?", he asks.
"Of that?". I mean, it's so camp and grotesque that I'm just laughing behind my sunglasses.
"Poor Doctor. Fool Doctor. Make sure to cheer him up later", he nudges me, beaming.
"Wow you really don't remember where we are, uh?", I try to joke, but really. "Ahem", I clear my voice again, as I notice Clara staring at me.
Uhm. Martha caught the Doctor and me almost in the act, and had every right to be upset. I did sort of betray her friendship, and he didn't have a clue about her feelings. Rose wondered if he and I were together, with me being a Time Lady and all, and she asked, worried, already prepared to accept her answer. Clara? Clara looks at me like the thought of me and the Doctor together has never crossed her mind before. And granted, I don't know her very well, only crossed paths with her a few times, but shouldn't she know me a little better? Which leads to another question, but I'm not going there because the Doctor finally gets to free himself, his jacket all messed up.
"Godspeed, my love", Elizabeth says.
"I will be right back", he says, with the fakest smile, then nods to us to follow him towards the Tardis. "By the way I could hear all your gossiping", he says, disgusted. "Zoe, is there anything we can keep between the two of us?".
"Well it's now the four of us. He still remembers…me, I hope".
"I do, very often", he smiles at me. I smile back and then quickly change my face as my Doctor stops and menacingly stares into the other Doctor's eyes.
"Sorry", he apologizes, making a weird guilty face.
"Yeah, sorry, time and a place, Doctor", I scorn him, but I'm still giggling.
He gets into the Tardis first, and starts cranking her up.
"Right then, back to the future", the other Doctor says.
"You've let this place go a bit", the War Doctor comments upon seeing the Tardis.
"Ah, it's his grunge phase", the other Doctor comments, looking around, playing with the stasis cube in his hands. "He grows out of it".
"Don't you listen to them", the Doctor says comforting the Tardis, but an alarm sounds, and both him and I get an electric shock from the console. "Ow!", he protests, shaking his hand.
"The desktop is glitching", I say, as the console room switches to another design, one I've never seen before.
"Three of us from different time zones. It's trying to compensate", the War Doctor explains.
"Hey, look. The round things", the other is saying, cheerfully, pointing at the hollowed walls.
"I love the round things…", the Doctor comments, looking at them longingly.
"What are the round things?", the other continues.
"…No idea". I've been so lost in thinking about the bickering and the gossip that I didn't even stop and think how shocking it must be for them to be all together with other versions of themselves.
"Oh dear, the friction contrafibulator. Ha!", the other Doctor says, jumping back at the console. "There, stabilized".
The desktop changes again, and we're in his Tardis console room, all modern and shiny, cold metal. My Doctor looks around, checking the design. "Oh, you've redecorated", he states, then thinks about it. He looks at me, I scowl, nodding. I like this Tardis too. "I don't like it". he shakes his head.
"Oh. Oh yeah? Oh, you never do", he protests, offended. "Listen, we're going to the National Gallery. The Zygons are underneath it", he says, when Clara stops him.
"No, UNIT HQ", she says, pointing her finger to catch us up. "They followed us there in the Black Archive".
We all stare at her, worried.
"Okay, so you've heard of that, then", she says, awkwardly.
"If the Zygons have their hands on the Black Archive collection, humans might've already lost the planet", I say, worried.
"Better get there fast", The Doctor says.
"It's Tardis-proof. Whole tower of London. They made me park outside Tower Bridge", I continue.
He shakes his head, probably wondering when and why I've been there.
"It's not just that", I add, looking at Clara, who's probably about to say the same thing. "In the event of any alien incursion, the contents of that room are deemed so dangerous, it can self-destruct in five minutes".
Clara nods. "Nuclear warhead, twenty feet beneath the Tower of London".
"Would they really?", the War Doctor says, warily. It's… sort of the same thing he's going through right now, and probably what brought him here with us.
"Destroy London to save the world?", my Doctor says, his face twisting in disgust. "Weeell, it's UNIT. Military. Humans. Weell, not americans, but still". What about destroying Gallifrey to save the universe?
"Let's call them then", the other Doctor says, rummaging through cables and bits under the console until he finds a cartridge, then plugs it in. "A-ha".
The console buzzes with interference until we get on their frequency, and we hear dialogue from inside the Black Archive "…Somewhere in your memory is a man called Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge Stewart. I am his daughter".
My Doctor's eyes brighten up, upon hearing this presentation, and I realize he probably hasn't met her yet.
"Science leads, Kate. Is that what you meant? Is that what your father meant?", the other Doctor interrupts her, scolding.
"Doctor?", Kate replies.
"Space-Time Telegraph, Kate. A gift from me to your father, hotline straight to the Tardis", he explains. "I know about the Black Archive, and I know about the security protocol", he says, looking at me. "Kate, please. Please tell me you are not about to do something unbelievably stupid".
"I'm sorry, Doctor", Kate says, then instructs someone. "Switch it off".
"Not as sorry as you will be. This is not a decision you will ever be able to live with", my Doctor says, looking painfully at the War Doctor.
"I said, switch it off", Kate repeats her order.
"No, Kate, please. Just listen to me!", the other Doctor insists as the connection is abruptly interrupted.
"The Tower of London, totally Tardis-proof", the Doctor repeats, looking at me now.
"How can they do that?", Clara asks.
"Alien technology plus human stupidity. Trust me, it's unbeatable", her Doctor replies.
The War Doctor is staring at the stasis cube that the other Doctor put on the console.
"We don't need to land", he says, almost whispering.
"Yeah, we do. A tiny bit. Try and keep up", my Doctor says, a bit patronizingly.
"No, we don't. We don't. There is another way. Cup-a-soup. What is cup-a-soup?", he asks to himself.