56 - Hunger
"Come on, then. Here we are, hurry up. Bye. You behave, bye".
The Silver Cloak minibus drives away with the rest of the elderly gang, leaving us – the Doctor, Wilf and me, in front of a café. It's the Christmas holidays, of course, because since I met the Doctor something bad happens, every Christmas.
"Over here, come on", Wilf says.
"What's so special about this place? We passed fifteen cafes on the way", the Doctor protests.
"Yeah", Wilf ignores him, as we enter the place. "Afternoon", he says to the staff.
We're sitting down, they're having tea, I'm having coffee.
"Oh, we had some good times, didn't we though? I mean, all those ATMOS things, and planets in the sky, and me with that paint gun", he says, nervously giggling, looking at us. "I keep seeing things, Doctor. This face at night", Wilf says.
The Doctor listens quietly, frowning, then speaks seriously. "Who are you?".
"I'm Wilfred Mott", he says, genuinely surprised.
"No. People have waited hundreds of years to find me and then you manage it in a few hours", the Doctor continues, without looking away.
"Well, I'm just lucky I suppose".
"No, we keep on meeting, Wilf. Over and over again like something's still connecting us".
"What's so important about me?".
"Exactly. Why you?", the Doctor says, then finally looks away, relieving Wilf of his inquisitive gaze. Unexpectedly, he takes my hand. "I'm going to die".
"Well, so am I, one day".
I smile. "Don't you dare". The Doctor rolls his eyes, and I can see they're tearing up.
"All right, I'll try not to", he laughs nervously.
"But I was told. He will knock four times", he takes a deep breath. "That was the prophecy. Knock four times, and then-", the Doctor explains, softening up.
"Yeah, but I thought, when I saw you before, you said you people could change, like, your whole body", Wilf says.
"I can still die. If I'm killed before regeneration, then I'm dead", I squeeze his hand, he drops it, then leans onto the table. "Even then… even if I change, it feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some… new man goes sauntering away. And I'm dead".
He doesn't look at me, and I am afraid I'll just cry if he does.
Wilf looks at me. "And you…?".
The Doctor glances at me, quickly, and I lower my eyes. He looks away. "Oh, she's already met him. It's unfair, but she'll be fine. Just, I'll be dead". All that time, running away from the Ood, he really doesn't want to go. I turn and look away, and I see Donna, and flinch.
"What?", the Doctor says.
It is. It's Donna, who just parked outside the café. The Doctor sees her too, now.
"I'm sorry, but I had to", Wilf says. "Look, can't you make her better?"
"Stop it". He turns to Wilf, angry. I take his hand again as I see his worry build up.
"No, but you're so clever. Can't you bring her memory back?", Wilf insists, his eyes switching from him to me. "Look, just go to her now. Go on, just run across the street. Go up and say hello".
"If she ever remembers us, her mind will burn, and she will die", the Doctor says again.
Outside, Donna is arguing with a policewoman. "Don't you touch this car", we hear her threathening her.
A bitter giggle escapes me. "She's not changed", I say. I see the Doctor smiling too, this time he squeezes my hand.
"Nah. Oh, there he is". A tall, black man helps Donna put some Christmas shopping in the boot.
"Shaun Temple", Wilf tells us. "They're engaged. Getting married in the spring".
"Another wedding…", the Doctor says.
"Yeah".
"Hold on, she's not going to be called Noble-Temple?" I ask.
The Doctor agrees. "That sounds like a tourist spot".
"No, it's Temple-Noble".
"Right. Is she happy? Is he nice?", the Doctor asks.
"Yeah, he's sweet enough. He's a bit of a dreamer. Mind you, he's on minimum wage, she's earning tuppence, so all they can afford is a tiny little flat", Wilf says, sweetly. "And then sometimes I see this look on her face, like she's so sad, but she can't remember why".
With all that happened recently, I sort of stopped thinking about Donna. But seeing her again, it's so sad. At least Wilf is giving us good news, although with the bitterness of her not being complete.
"She's got him", I say, low.
"She's making do".
"Aren't we all?", the Doctor says, still looking at her. He glances at me.
"Yeah, how about you? You two okay?"
"It's been… Tried travelling alone", he can't look at Wilf, he can't look at me, his eyes wander around. "I thought it was better". He does look at me, finally, he pulls my hand on the table, he squeezes it. His eyes are read, I can see the tears building. "But I did some things. It went wrong. I need-".
He drops my hand, leans back on the chair, crying. He covers his eyes with his hands, surprised at not being able to prevent the tears. And of course, I start crying too.
"Oh, my word. I'm sorry".
He pulls himself together, groaning, breathing deeply, glances at me with a bitter smile. "Merry Christmas", he says shaking his head, ironically.
"Yeah, and you", Wilf says.
"Look at us", I say, giggling nervously to break the tension.
"But don't you see? You know, you need her, Doctor, Zoe", Wilf insists. "I mean, look. Wouldn't she make you laugh again? Good old Donna? Eh?".
We turn again to the street; the car is driving away.
The Doctor nods, he smiles at me again. I try to comfort him through the psychic link, but it's overcome by the bond with the Master. I feel him again, stronger than before.
"Doctor-".
"He's back".
We stand up and leave, as we cross the street I turn and wave at Wilf, who looks as worried as if we were his grandchildren too.
"I'll go find him".
"We go together", the Doctor says. "I'm not leaving you alone with him". I'm surprised that he only sounds protective, not patronizing.
We find him still aimlessly walking around the abandoned building site near Broadfell. He's alert and turns around as soon as he sees us.
"Look at you two. What a happy couple. Almost replaced me bonding with him too, uh?", he grimaces, as the energy starts building up in his hands.
The Doctor takes my hand and we start walking closer to him. My head is exploding, the sound of the drums and his rage mounting are almost unbearable. He fires a bolt of energy, setting fire to an oil barrel behind us.
And again. The Doctor keeps walking, holding my hand, as if nothing could hurt him.
"Doctor, stop", I say. But he keeps walking, and the Master keeps charging the energy between his hands.
The third time he fires, he hits the Doctor, square in the chest, stopping him. "Getting better", the Master smirks.
"Master, stop it", I tell him, pulling through the bond. He flinches and the energy flows stop, but he slams me down too.
The Doctor falls to his knees, the Master jumps forward to catch him, easying him down, but then lets him fall to the ground. He crouches down beside him, while I stand up again and reach the Doctor, panting.
"I had estates. Do you remember my father's land back home? Pastures of red grass, stretching far across the slopes of Mount Perdition. Do you see them, Zoe? You have my memories. Do you see us? Children? We used to run across those fields all day, calling up at the sky", he sits, smirking. "Look at us now".
I shiver at the mention of Gallifrey. I remember it, it's an image that often appears in my mind.
"All that eloquence", the Doctor says, defiantly, regaining his breath. "But how many people have you killed?".
"I am so hungry", he says, calmly.
I crouch in front of him, take his face between my hands. "Your resurrection went wrong. You said it, they used the wrong imprint. And that energy... Your body's ripped open", I tell him. "You're killing yourself". He shakes my hands off, pushing me back.
"That human Christmas out there. They eat so much", he says, ignoring me. "All that roasting meat, cakes and red wine. Hot, fat, blood, food. Pots, plates of meat, and flesh, and grease, and juice, and baking, burnt, sticky hot skin. Hot. It's so hot", he starts, rambling again.
"Stop it", the Doctor says, but he keeps going. "Stop it".
"Sliced. Sliced. Sliced. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine to eat and eat and eat".
"Stop it", the Doctor repeats, and he stops, starts breathing again, tearing his hair out in distress. "What if I ask you for help?".
The Master looks up, curious, incredulously. He smirks.
"There's more at work tonight than us", I say.
"Oh yeah?", he says, giggling.
"We've been told something is returning", I say.
"And here I am", the Master says, gesturing theatrically.
"No", the Doctor says. "Something more".
"But it hurts", the Master says, and I think he stopped listening.
"I was told the end of time".
"It hurts. Doctor, the noise. The noise in my head, Doctor. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Stronger than ever before. You hear it, Zoe. You're sharing it with me. Can't you hear it, Doctor?"
"I'm sorry", he says, shaking his head.
"Listen, listen, listen, listen. Every minute, every second, every beat of my hearts. There it is, calling to me", he speaks slowly, getting closer to the Doctor. "Please. Listen".
"I can't hear it", he repeats.
"Listen", the Master insists, and takes the Doctor's face between his hands, lowering to touch his forehead. The Doctor pulls away immediately, shocked.
"What?", the Master asks.
"But…", the Doctor says, still panting. He turns to me, frantic, terrified.
The Master insists. "What!"
"I heard it. But there's no noise. There never has been. It's just your insanity. What is it? What's inside your head?", he says, terrified, backing away. He keeps glancing at me, as if to check I'm still there.
The Master stands up, screaming. "It's real. It's real", he repeats, finally proving he did not make that up. "It's real!". Then he flies away, Iron Man style, jumping on his energy fluxes.
We run after him.
We find him on top of a hill again, yelling at the abandoned site. "All these years, you thought I was mad. King of the wasteland!", he cheers. "But something is calling me, Doctor. Zoe. What is it? What is it? What is it?", he repeats.
A bright light shines down on him, then a second one lights up spotting me and the Doctor. We hear helicopters above. The Master throws his arms in the air, welcoming the ropes that come down, but two men in combat gear grab him.
"No, don't!", I scream, bolting towards him as I see the men knocking him out, injecting something in his neck.
The Doctor throws his hands in his hair, running towards him too. We're surrounded by gunfire, and I push him to the ground. The Doctor helps me up and we run after him again. "Let him go!", he screams, then we're shot.
When we wake up, we slowly walk to the Tardis.
"You've got that inside your head too?", the Doctor asks.
"Now that he's back, yeah", I reply.
He looks at the sky, sorry. "How are you holding up?".
"Are you worried about me or are you just asking for courtesy- oh, forget it".
"Oi! You think I shouldn't be worried?", he says. "He's got… energy… lasers… balls of blue fire, and he's insane. And, your… bond mate", he stops walking. "Are you not worried?".
Of course I am. But I'm afraid to tell him. I feel a little unreliable.
And somehow this thought reaches the Doctor. "Unreliable?", he says. "Wh- Why?".
"Damn. I… didn't mean to share it. Anyway. I don't… I don't know what's happening, Doctor". I admit. How much am I willing to admit, though? Things were said, and the Doctor doesn't remember. "I spent all that time looking for him, and when I found out about the Discipes of Saxon… I kept the potion. I did decide I didn't want him to come back. I…".
We reach the Tardis doors. Thankfully, he opens with the key, and not with his car remote control. He pauses at the console, waiting for me to continue.
Deep breaths, Zoe. "Doctor". He looks up at the central turbine, instead of looking at me. I don't know if my telepathic links are leaking again, or if we just know each other so well that he already knows what I'm about to say.
Deep breaths, again. "Let's be honest", I say. "Did you want me to find him?".
He blinks, then finally looks at me, a bitter smile. "No", he gulps. "Can you blame me?".
I feel tears coming to my eyes. "I thought I would stop them. Then I was there, and he was resurrecting, and I-".
"You don't have to explain. I know what a bond is. What it feels like", he says, shaking his head, his voice breaking. "He knows your name", he whispers.
"No… but it's not-", I sigh. "it didn't feel like the bond was forcing it, it was… I felt him again, and I wanted him alive again".
He looks away. "Zoe".
"Doctor. He was your friend. You told me I could help him if I was by his side. That he could change, maybe-".
"Well I changed my mind", he says, sternly. I shiver. "Because I need you too". His voice is shaking now, he's almost crying. "I need you. I want you. Just as much. More, too. You should be mine. We've been together-", he stops, as if surprised by what he's saying. He runs a hand down his face, wiping away the tears.
"Doctor…".
"Ah, Zoe", he says softly, trying to shake himself up. "Look at me, I've gone proud. And sentimental. What a disaster".
I look into his eyes, suddenly feeling very small in comparison to those feelings. I stay quiet.
"Let's… let's start by finding him, hm?", he suggests. "Do you see him now?".
I shake my head, gulping. "I see him, but I don't know where he is. He's hungry. And… amused. Strapped to a chair, in a straitjacket".
"Yep". The Doctor rolls his eyes. "Sounds like him to find that amusing".
"I'll check on Chloe. You change your shirt, then we regroup".