It was my habit of sulking that led me to be standing outside of the bookshop at ten in the morning, trying to appear casual as I brought the daily paper – merely an excuse to talk to the gorgeous boy who sold it to me. Thanks to the line I was stuck in, I got the opportunity to watch him for a while, almost mesmerised by his smile. I was eternally grateful that he was too busy to look at me for any length of time – not that anyone like him would ever want someone like me. Fuck, there was no way that boy didn't have a girlfriend.
"You're out early today," he commented brightly as I handed the paper to him. I was sure it must have been unhealthy to be this bubbly before lunch time, but it suited him.
"I-I wanted the paper to read with my lunch," I stammered lamely, feeling my face flush. As I spoke my eyes landed on the name tag pinned to his shirt. "Thanks, Carlisle…" His name caught on my tongue and I was sure that I was redder than before. Too nervous to stay, I quickly paid for it and hurried toward the door, desperate to be away from him before I said something else stupid; apparently, my brain turned to mush the minute I saw him.
I dumped the damn thing on the table once I got home, not giving it another thought. Instead, I set about preparing dinner; my brother and his wife were supposed to come over for tea tonight, and I didn't want to make an ass of myself in front of them and the boy on the same day.
By the time my doorbell rang I was sick and shaky and in no mood to be eating. I folded my arms self-consciously as I let Eleazar and Carmen in, slightly envious of how their fingers naturally intertwined. All too suddenly I noticed how my jeans were tighter than they used to be, and I was sure this shirt used to sit nicer. I didn't have time to cry over insecurities now, though - especially seeming as it was the thought of holding Carlisle's hand that way that had set them off…
"The food is great, Garrett," Eleazar commented after a few mouthfuls. When I glanced up at him, he was frowning at me.
Because food was all I was good at. "Your face says otherwise," I mumbled, chasing my meal around my plate with my fork as an excuse not to put it in my mouth.
"You'd believe me if you actually tried it," he shot back. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," I snapped at him, fighting to keep my face from flushing. There was no way in hell I wanted to discuss my weight with my brother. Not now, and not ever. Something told me he knew, though. I couldn't hide much from my him.
"Aright, alright." He forced a smile at me. "I do suggest you actually eat your dinner though. It really is good."
Just to please him, I shoved a mouthful between my lips, sighing heavily. I was hungry, but eating in front of others made me so nervous my stomach hurt, and I wanted them to go just so I could finish my meal in peace. Focusing on the table top and one mouthful at a time helped a little, but it still didn't feel good.
"Are you sure you're okay, Garrett?" Carmen asked softly when her husband excused himself to go to the bathroom. "You're not quite yourself tonight."
I glanced up at her, partially giving in and telling her half the truth. "…I feel a little sick…I'm just not really hungry."
"Okay, love. We'll go when your brother gets back, and you go and get some rest." She smiled sympathetically and reached over to pat my hand.
I relaxed a little, forcing a smile and repressing a relieved sigh. "How's Kate? She starts school soon, right?"
She chuckled to herself at the mention of her daughter's name. "Yes, that's all she can talk about. Eleazar and I have decided to throw her a birthday party this year, seeming as she turning five and all. Hopefully we can get a few of her preschool friends around."
"Jesus, five already," I groaned, rubbing my hand across my face. My niece seemed to gain at least a year every time I saw her, despite that being at least once a week normally.
"Tell me about it," she grumbled. "It won't be long until she's bringing boys home-"
"Excuse me, but it'll be a bloody long time before any boy gets through my front door," Eleazar interrupted as he came back into the kitchen.
I roll my eyes at him, unable to resist a laugh at his expression. "Don't worry, I'm sure your little princess will stay little for a while yet," I teased him.
"Come on, Eleazar, finish your food. Your brother wants to go to bed," Carmen told him, patting his seat.
His eyes locked on mine, and I quickly glanced down at the table. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Eleazar…just tired…"
It seemed to take forever to get them out of my house. As much as I loved having them, it was great to be alone again. I finished my dinner sitting on the couch, flicking through the channels for something to watch. There was absolutely nothing on, and I ended up watching the News and hearing the same stories from the paper I'd brought from Carlisle this morning.
As soon as I thought about him, my eyes landed on the book on my bench. I hadn't given it another thought after buying it, putting it there once I'd come home and forgetting about it. I quickly shoved my plate off my lap, getting up to grab it and running my fingers over the cover.
It was smoother than I remembered, and I traced the title engraved in the spine with my thumb. Everything about it was nice; it was even a good weight, almost comforting to hold. Curious, I sat at the table with it, slowly sifting through the pages. I couldn't resist a chuckle, grinning at the walls; that boy had sold me a book full of fairy tales. Granted, after skim reading a few, they were definitely too dark for children, but they were fairy tales none the less. I wasn't sure what I had been expecting, but this certainly wasn't it. Still, it suited him perfectly, and I loved him for it.
I took it to bed with me, fighting to keep my thoughts about the boy in the bookshop G-rated. It was beyond me why talking to a stranger could make me so damn happy. When reading didn't help, I set it on my beside table, allowing myself the privilege of daydreaming about Carlisle.
It was all just kisses and cuddles, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I wrapped my arms around a pillow. Sadly, it didn't even begin to mimic anything remotely close to what I imagined holding him like that would feel like.
I roughly reached up to bat the light switch, plunging me into darkness. Yanking the blankets over my head, I groaned; I was a moron, Carlisle would never want me as badly as I wanted him. I was just another customer.