I'm done with the weird dark shit for a while after this chapter, I promise. But this one is a bit fucked up.

…Trigger warning?

I hated myself for the position I'd put my boyfriend in just to get some piece of mind. I knew dad had hurt him, but I didn't realise it had cut him so deeply until he was sitting in front of me at the table. He wouldn't eat much, and didn't speak to me unless I directly asked him a question that he couldn't answer by shaking his head or nodding. It scared me a little bit; this wasn't like him at all. It was like all of his usual warmth had been drained, leaving him a little too cold for comfort.

"Hey." I reached across the table to squeeze his fingers. He was even cold to touch. "Is something wrong? I mean apart from my dad acting like a total wanker? You're really not yourself."

He sighed softly, rubbing his hands over his face. "I'm fine, Garrett. it's just been a long week, I guess."

"Would a drink make it better?" There wasn't much else I could offer him; I sucked at touchy-feely shit, so he was just going to have to talk if he wanted to.

Laughing a little, he nodded, offering a somewhat forced smile as I got up and grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge. His was open and halfway down his throat before I'd even cracked mine.

An hour later, and we'd convinced ourselves that being Friday night and all, doing a couple of shots wouldn't hurt. My head was fuzzy and I was pleasantly buzzed. Carlisle had consumed at the same rate I had, except he was doing it on an empty stomach and was a fair bit lighter than me, meaning he was well on the way to becoming completely trashed.

"Alright, you, I know you're having a rough few days, but drinking yourself into oblivion isn't going to help," I warned him, taking his half-full glass away and setting it behind me on the bench.

He wasn't overly concerned about the whereabouts of his drink, leaning forward against the table and sighing quietly. "You know, it's not even about your dad. I mean, sure it hurts that he really doesn't like me, but my father is the one I'm fucked up about. I moved half way around the word to get away from him, but the minute someone yells at me, I may as well be back in his damn house again. It's pathetic, really." His words weren't quite slurred yet, but I doubted he was thinking about what was coming out of his mouth.

"It's not alright that he treated you that way," I reminded him, ignoring the latter part of his statement.

He laughed, but the sound was dark. It didn't suit him at all, and it made my nerves prickle. "The way he treated me was nothing. When I upset my father, he used to beat the shit out of me and lock me in the basement for a few days to 'repent my sins' or whatever."

"Carlisle…" This wasn't what I meant when I said he would have to be the one to talk to me.

"I was fucking stupid enough to tell him I'm gay, and I didn't see sunlight for three weeks. He made eat cat food because 'I'm too worthless to deserve a proper meal'. It tasted like shit. Either that or starve. And I didn't deserve medical care; he used to cut me and break bones just to remind me of it. Fucking sick piece of shit. I hope he fucking rots."

"Carlisle, stop. We shouldn't be talking about this while you're in this state."

"What's the difference? I can't pretend forever; you may as well know how much of a fuck up I am before we get too far into our relationship. I'm only wasting your time now," he grumbled, snatching up his glass and forcing another few mouthfuls down until it was empty.

"Stop it, now," I pleaded, not wanting to hear any more. I didn't feel like it was consensual; he was too drunk to think about what he was telling me.

"Why would someone like you want someone like me? It doesn't make any sense. I just wanted to pretend you could love me for a little while; fuck, I'm such a fucking idiot…"

"Carlisle, I love you a lot. But let's go to bed before you do something you regret." It was already too late for that; he wouldn't be telling me this normally. Still, I pulled him to his feet and down the hallway, pushing him into bed and crawling in beside him. "I love you, now go to sleep."

.

The first thing I noticed upon waking up was that Carlisle had curled his body around mine, his arms locked around my waist as he settled against my side.

"How is the hangover?" he asked softly as I rubbed my eyes, kissing my neck.

"Not the best," I grumbled, catching sight of the glass of water and aspirin on my bedside table; my boy was one step ahead of me, as usual. "Where's yours? How are you even functioning?"

He just smiled and shook his head while I sat up and downed the pills with a mouthful of water. Rubbing my leg, he untangled himself from me and got up. "I'll make us breakfast; you'll feel better when you've got something in your stomach."

I just agreed; he was right, and I was hungry. I got dressed once he was gone, unable to shake the dirty feeling of knowing something I shouldn't. Coupled with nausea of my hangover, I really didn't feel good.

Carlisle wasn't acknowledging what had happened either, which made it all the worse. I wasn't even sure if he was aware of what had happened last night.

I held my breath as I sat at the table and he set a plate in front of me, starting to do the dishes. Slowing chewing a bite, I contemplated what I should do. "…Hey, Carlisle?"

"Yeah?" He didn't turn to face me, caught up in his task.

"…Do you remember what we talked about last night?"

"Judging by your state, obviously not hangover tips?" he teased, forever far too upbeat for the hour of the morning.

"Not quite…You told me about your dad," I told him slowly.

His hands froze and a few seconds passed before he answered me. "…What about him?"

I shoved another spoonful into my mouth to stall replying. "About what he did to you."

The colour drained from his face and he accidently dropped the sponge on the floor. He didn't reach to pick it up, holding onto the bench with both hands like he might fall if he let it go. "…How much…?"

"How much is there?" As I watched him, I could see him withdrawing and starting to shut down. "Come here, Carlisle."

He hesitantly followed my instructions, coming to stand in front of me. "…Garrett…" he pleaded, his voice shaking.

I tugged him closer using the beltloops of his jeans, hugging him as much as I could while he was standing and I was sitting. "I love you."

He was quickly becoming upset, starting to hyperventilate and on the brink of tears. "You can't," he told me quickly.

"I love you, Carlisle. What happened to you was wrong; don't ever believe anything he told you."

Blinking back tears wasn't enough, and he quickly tried to wipe them away as they overflowed. He didn't say anything, unable to speak without crying.

Giving up on my meal, I stood up, wrapping my arms around him. "It's okay," I assured him, squeezing him as he buried his face in my shoulder. He was shaking so badly I wasn't sure how he was still standing. Worried, I pulled him over to the couch to get him to sit down. "You could take him to court; he's done more than enough."

"I tried-" he had to stop and take a deep breath before starting again. "I tried to get away from him, but the judge said there wasn't any evidence of what had happened and he had a lawyer but I couldn't afford one and he told them I was lying and the jury believed him and they closed the case without giving me a restraining order and he tried to- to…so I left the country but I still haven't gotten away from him and- and-" His words were barely decipherable from each other, and tumbled out without him wanting them to.

"Where we your brothers? Did he do this to them too?" I was sure my heart was breaking; he'd never held on to me as tightly as he was right now.

"…they held me down…"

"I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I love you so much." It sickened me to even think about someone hurting him; he was too little and sweet.

He still looked like he was waiting for me to kick him out, not really looking at me and too scared to meet my eye.

"I'll be back in a minute." Kissing his forehead, I hurried down the hallway to pick up a blanket, wrapping it around him when I came back, desperate to make him feel safe again. In the short time I had been gone, he'd fallen apart even further, hugging his legs and resting his head on his knees. "Does Alistair know about this?" I asked quietly, sliding my arms around him again.

"…no…" He shook his head, almost apologetic.

We stayed like that for the next few hours, Carlisle eventually calming down enough to feel okay about watching TV, content with just sitting close to me. Much closer than normal. By the time lunch time came around, we still hadn't moved, but I was acutely aware of the fact that my boyfriend hadn't eaten today, despite him making breakfast.

"Are you hungry? You didn't have breakfast?"

He shook his head at my question, and I guessed that he was feeling a little sick after our conversation this morning.

I kissed his cheek, shifting him a little so we were sitting more comfortably.

"…I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to be sorry, Carlisle. I love you." I hated that he kept apologising; I wasn't even sure what he was apologising for in the first place. "I love you so much." How many times was I going to have to repeat that before he believed me again?

"…love you too…" He cuddled into me further, finally letting go of himself and sliding his arms around my waist.

There wasn't much I could do for him other than just sit with him, and I felt terrible for bringing all of this up again. It was my fault any of this had come to the surface; I shouldn't have taken him back to my father. It was never going to go well.

Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't said anything and pretended that he'd never told me anything. Still, I knew I wouldn't have been able to leave it alone.

.

As it started to get dark outside, Carlisle's nerves picked up again, until he was almost in tears. He came up behind me as I was standing in the kitchen, nervously picking at his clothing. "…Garrett…"

"Hmm?" I turned to face him, leaning against the bench.

"…Can I stay again tonight…? Please…?" he pleaded.

"Yes, Carlisle, of course you can. Are you alright?"

He nodded. "…just…want you…"

Tugging him toward me, I wrapped my arms around him, leaning down to kiss him. "You can stay as long as you need to."