Sorry it's been awhile; I haven't given up, I've just had the pleasure of exams. This chapter is rather short, but the camping chapter should be up either tomorrow or the day after, all going well.
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Our evenings were suddenly filled with trawling the internet for possible apartments together. If nothing else, I loved the bonding time it gave us, and I enjoyed every second of it even if it was turning out to be a little stressful trying to find somewhere that we could rent with a pet. We both started collecting real estate pamphlets whenever we were in town, and we now a small stack of them on the kitchen counter. It was finally Friday again, and tomorrow would mark the first day that we'd go and look at a handful of potential houses, and I couldn't wait. It was also only another week until we were supposed to go camping.
It was almost midnight by the time we shut the laptop down for the night. Neither of us had eaten since I'd gotten home from work, and my stomach was growling in protest. "Are you tired?" Carlisle asked, leaning against me while we sat together on the couch. He was wide awake and I doubted he would settle for a while.
I shook my head; for someone who had gotten up before seven, I felt fine. "Do you want to go to the store? We can get camping stuff?" A midnight adventure sounded kind of fun to me, and there was a 24 hour department store about ten minutes drive away. Snacks sounded good too.
It only took a few minutes for us to pull on jackets and shoes and make our way down to the car. It was still fairly cool outside, and I wrapped my arm around Carlisle was we walked out into the carpark, noticing him cross his arms to retain heat. He stepped closer into my side.
We didn't really talk as we drove the few streets over, and I tried to work up enough courage to finally ask what I'd been dying to. "I really need to ask you about something," I started awkwardly. I anxiously picked at the steering wheel while I waited for him to respond, carefully watching his face.
He nodded, throwing a confused glance in my direction. "Sure, Gar."
"I love you so much, and I don't want you to think that I regret any of this, I'm just confused…" I swallowed thickly, waiting until he prompted me before continuing. "Obviously I'm gay, because I'm with you and I wouldn't change that for anything...but you're the only guy I've ever found attractive and I was always into women before this - even if they never came near me," I forced an awkward laugh, hoping like hell that I wouldn't see any hint of hurt in his face. "Was it ever like that for you?"
Thankfully, he just squeezed my leg. "No, not really. I had a girlfriend because she was the only person who was kind to me at the time so I thought I liked her, and the Sunday school my father sent me to was adamant that same-sex relationships would get me sent straight to hell. I've only ever liked guys...but maybe 'gay' isn't the right term for you, Garrett," he suggested softly.
I'd never considered that. It made a bit of sense though. "Is that weird for you? If I'm…?" Bi? Was that right? Was it important at this point?
"No, of course not. You're with me now; that's the only thing I have to worry about." His reassurances relaxed me a little bit, and I reached for his fingers. "It doesn't make a difference to me what you are, Gar, so long as we love each other."
"Okay." We kept driving toward the department store, eventually pulling into the car park. I hesitated before I opened my door, grabbing the back of Carlisle's sweatshirt as he started to get out. It jerked him back enough that his door slammed again, and he started laughing at the abruptness of it all. The words caught in my throat, and the car was suddenly filled with a tense silence.
"Whatever it is, it's alright. You can say it." He kept his voice soft, shifting in his seat to face me. His hands were on mine as soon as he noticed the discomfort on my face. "Just ask me, Gar; it's fine."
The silence grew tighter as I stuttered to find the right way to phrase the question, but nothing seemed right, and I felt like a fucking idiot for even needing to bring it up in the first place - we'd been together well over a year. "How long did it take you to...uh...be 'comfortable' with yourself? I mean like, um, in terms of your…'orientation'?"
"Awhile. Are you not feeling good at the moment?" He didn't look hurt, thank god, but worry instead.
"I'm okay...just a little bit unsure of myself…" I explained carefully. I kept my eyes on our fingers, unable to look at him any more.
Somehow, he managed to twist in his seat enough to lean over the gearbox to hug me. "I love you, Garrett, what can we do to make this better for you?"
I just shook my head. "Nothing, don't worry about it. I guess it'll go away eventually. Let's just go get this stuff; I'm hungry." Attempting a smile, I finally slid out of the car. I felt a lot better with it off my chest, keeping a tight hold on Carlisle's hand as we wandered the aisles. He had no idea about camping, and it turned into a 'what to expect in the woods' lesson more than a late night shopping excursion. This was also the first trip which I needed to own a tent for; every other time I'd been, Eleazar and I had shared, but aside from the fact that we both had partners and wouldn't physically fit anymore, it would be awkward as hell for Carlisle to be there if my brother was still snappy with him.
As we discussed it, I could see Carlisle getting more and more frustrated with the choice of tents in front of us, though I couldn't pick why. "What?" I asked eventually, curiosity getting the better of me.
He groaned, rubbing his face with his good hand. "I'm going to do something wrong, and we're going to be mauled to death by a wild animal in our sleep." It was only half a joke; he was completely clueless.
I had to laugh at that. "Dad has a gun license; they'll only be able to get a nibble before facing his wraith if you scream," I teased. "You're barely a snack anyway; I'm sure the wolves will come straight for me."
"That doesn't make me feel any better," he grumbled, starting to laugh despite himself. "I'll probably fall and knock myself out on a rock before we make it to the campsite."
"It's nothing that treacherous, Carlisle, you know my fitness doesn't allow for anything too awful." Pulling away from the cart, I locked him in a hug before he could overthink it. "It'll be fine." It took a moment for the tension to sink from his shoulders, but it eventually did, and I gently tried to guide his attention back to the equipment.
He didn't question me as I put things in the cart, just doing what he was told and keeping out of the way. "Is your brother still upset at me?" His fingers pulled at the plastic coating on the handle of the cart as he avoided looking at me. "Alistair said…"
"He'll get over it. Eleazar didn't say anything to you, did he?" Stopping him at the end of the aisle, I kissed his cheek.
"No, he didn't speak to me at all last time we were there," he mumbled.
"I've already spoken to him; he's got no reason to act like that," I grumbled. "Don't worry about it, Carlisle, he can be as sour as he likes and sit in a ball of misery if he wants." I knew it was hurting him, even if he wasn't going to tell me that, but I really didn't want it too.
"Randal is a pain in the ass," he muttered under his breath. "He'd not even that nice to Alistair; I don't know why they're together."
"Alistair doesn't think I'm that nice to you," I laughed, nudging him with my elbow. "That's a double-ended sword; you two are just protective over each other." It was the first time that my boyfriend had really voice an opinion on Alistair's partner, and his analysis made me chuckle a bit; the two of them were fine together, from what I'd seen.
"He knows you're nice to me, he'd just trying to wind me up," he argued, biting back a smile. "They only fight all the time anyway - we never fight like that; they're weird together."
"I think we're the 'weird' ones there, Carlisle," I teased.
"Maybe," he admitted. His hand found mine, squeezing gently as we continued wandering around the store. We'd found everything we needed and it was nearing 1am, but it was nice being out together without being stuck in a crowd. I was trying to nonchalantly guide him toward the food aisles, and he was either pretending he hadn't noticed, or was truly oblivious to my ulterior motives. "Why don't we go somewhere with actual food, Gar? All this is crap."
"This crap is what Americans run on," I chuckled. "We can stop somewhere else if you really don't want to eat any of this." Catching his waist, I pressed a kiss against his cheek, heating creeping into my face as he hugged me and his fingers crept under my shirt. "Let's just get out of here."
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We got up early the next morning to head out to the first property. Now that the day was here, the only thing keeping me awake was Carlisle's excitement; I could have easily spent the rest of the morning in bed. All the viewings would be over by 3pm, and I couldn't wait to go home for a nap, despite having only just left the house. My stifled yawn turned into a frown as we pulled up outside the first place.
The building was nothing like it seemed in the pictures. "This is the right place, right?" I asked, glancing at Carlisle while he studied the GPS. Unfortunately, he nodded and slowly opened his door. It was an almost instant 'no' from me, though it would be rude to leave without even looking inside. I knew it was making Carlisle nervous too; all the way to the door, he glanced around, anxiously watching the assortment of lurkers around us. In the elevator, he stayed close against my side, somewhat creating a barrier between me and the bulky guy against the other wall who seemed intent to stare at us the whole time. It made my skin crawl and it didn't make me any happier that it was my boyfriend between us.
It didn't get much better once we were inside the apartment. It was cramped and run down, far too cold and rather damp. We barely peeked in all of the rooms before getting out of there as fast as politely possible. "I really don't like it here," he whispered to me as we got closer to the car.
"I hate it," I whispered back, unable to keep from laughing at our bewilderment. The day didn't get much better. Everywhere we looked was either filthy or way out of our budget, and no one wanted tenants with a cat. It was rather disheartening, and I just wanted to curl up in bed again.
Carlisle was in much better spirits about the whole thing than I was. "I guess we'll be doing this again next weekend, huh?" His attempt at lightening the mood had come after he noticed my silence.
"I guess so. This is what I hate about moving," I grumbled, not about to come around that easily. "And it can't be next weekend; we'll be in the middle of the woods."
"The weekend after, then," he teased. When I refused to be reconciled, he reached for my hand. "I know it stresses you out, but we can do this. We'll be fine."
"It's so frustrating; it's always awful," I insisted.
"You're not doing it by yourself this time though. And this was only our first day looking; we can't expect to find somewhere this quickly."
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Despite not having a new place to live, Carlisle spent the whole week packing and organising, presumably trying to take his mind off camping more than anything else. It was nice to see him relatively happy though. The councillor insisted he had some kind of eating disorder, but I was sure he was slowly putting on weight again, and he wasn't so self conscious in front of me anymore.
That didn't stop me being nervous about him being unsupervised. I'd made him wait until I'd finished work for the day before he went to the doctors to get the brace off his hand - something he wasn't entirely pleased about. He only allowed it to humour me. I was sure that I was more worried about it than he was.
"Why is this freaking you out so much?" he asked as we arrived in the carpark. "It's going to take five minutes, and I'm sure they'll come to the conclusion that my hand is still attached to my body."
"I just don't want anything to go wrong when you're by yourself." I locked the car, avoiding looking at him in case he was mad at me.
"There's nothing to go wrong, Garrett." He seemingly wasn't concerned, squeezing my hand as we walked in.
I lingered back a bit while he spoke to the receptionist. I knew I was killing his relief about the whole thing, but I couldn't help it after watching him struggle for so long. Standing in the doctor's office while they cut it off him, I wasn't sure if I wanted to look or not - if it was as bruised as it was when it first happened, I was going to lose my shit at Caius all over again.
It couldn't have been more 'fine' though. He could move it without much pain, and was over the moon about having the use of both hands again. I breathed a sigh of relief. "Feel better?" I asked, a little sheepish now it was over.
He nodded, starting to tease me. "I can finally cut up my own food again; you won't have a toddler anymore."
I laughed, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. "I didn't mind having a toddler, but I am glad that I know you can fend for yourself now. It's going to make camping a lot easier too; you'll be able to swim."
The door swung shut as we left the building, and Carlisle tripped over it, stumbling into my side. "We're swimming?" It had made him stop walking and turn to face me.
"The campsite is next to a lake, Carlisle." I nudged him forward as someone else tried to escape the building while he continued to block it. "What's wrong? You can swim, right?" I suddenly felt stupid for not asking sooner, pulling him aside as other pedestrians pushed past us.
"Yeah, I can...I just haven't done it since I was a kid," he explained quietly.
"You don't have to worry; nobody is going to force you into the water if you're uncomfortable," I assured him.
He just shushed me, starting to smile. "It's a good thing, Garrett; I'm not nervous."
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