It took all of twelve hours for Carlisle to catch whatever was going around the doctor's office. I was cursing that woman at the clinic; It might not have been her fault, but I needed someone to be mad at for making him this miserable. Nothing was settling his stomach, and everything I encouraged him to drink came straight back up again. He was exhausted and upset, too tired to maintain any type of emotional stability, and too dizzy to do anything for himself. I swapped a few shifts with my coworkers to work the following weekend just to get another day off, blowing off all of Heidi's attempts to get my attention as we sat on the couch together. I still needed to pick up Kate from school, but I was pretty sure I could get in and out without getting myself into trouble. It was more worrying that I'd have to leave Carlisle by himself for a little while.
"Do you think you could have something to drink?" I asked softly, brushing my hand through his hair to try and get him to focus on my voice. He really didn't look good, but it had been awhile since he'd last been sick, and I couldn't imagine going without fluids this long was doing him any favours. "We have lemonade, if you think you can keep it down." I kissed his forehead as he shifted uncomfortably in my arms, hiding his face in my shoulder to block out the light peeking through the curtains.
He shook his head, groaning. "Gonna puke if I drink," he mumbled. Feverish, he was shivering, tucked against my side to try and keep himself warm. "My stomach hurts so bad."
I paused the movie I was watching, holding the back of my hand against his cheek. "You'll tell me if you need a doctor, right?"
"Don't need a doctor, just need a nap," he complained. "Going to the doctor started this; I'm not going back. What if you get sick? We can't both be useless." Anxious, he tangled his fingers in my shirt.
"I'm sure I'll be fine, Carlisle, it's your body that's dodgy, not mine." Brushing my lips over his throat and pressing another kiss against his shoulder, I only found myself being pushed back.
"You probably still shouldn't kiss me," he explained. "Just to be safe."
"If I'm going to get it, I think I would catch it from being this close to you anyway; it doesn't matter." It was obviously airborne - he hadn't gotten close to any of the other patients and had still gotten sick - and we slept in the same bed; if I was going to come down with it, there was no avoiding it.
"What if I can't take care of you- that's not fair. And I wouldn't be able to do anything with Kate after school like you do-"
"Don't exhaust yourself thinking about it; I feel absolutely fine. If I make soup for dinner, will you eat? Or I can make something else, if you would rather?" It was mostly to get his mind off me and on something else - I already knew he wasn't going to want dinner. Just the mention of eating something drained the colour from his cheeks.
"Just make whatever you want," he told me shakily. "You're babying me." A small smile managed to break through his discomfort, and he caught my hand to hold onto it.
"Well, what else am I supposed to do with you? I had to stay home because I didn't want you to choke on your own puke, and you look like shit," I teased.
.
.
As time went on, he got more and more uncomfortable. He eventually got sick of my constant fussing, slinking into our bedroom to lie down for a while. Only an hour or so later, he stumbled back into the kitchen, desperately forcing down a few mouthfuls of water. "My head hurts," he mumbled to me when our eyes met. "I can't deal with a migraine and a stomach flu at the same time- I can't, Gar, I'm too tired," he pleaded, like somehow I could make this all stop somehow.
A knot formed in my stomach. "You're probably just dehydrated; you haven't kept anything down all day." I hoped, anyway. With my hands on his shoulders, I turned him around and guided him back to the couch as he nodded. "Lie there and don't go getting up," I warned. "I'll get you some water and stuff, but I don't want you to hurt yourself if you're dizzy."
I watched him while he swallowed the pills, waiting until he'd flopped sideways onto the cushions and relaxed a little before I turned away. Fox jumped up next to him, licking his face and he hands as he slowly pet her. "I'll be in the kitchen; just call out if you need help," I warned. "Don't go anywhere."
"Babying me," he mumbled again.
I rolled my eyes, leaning down to place a condescending kiss on his forehead. "I love you. Just behave yourself, baby."
.
.
Although I expected him to be annoyed, Alistair sounded genuinely happy to be talking to me when I answered the phone. My boyfriend's cell phone had been vibrating relentlessly against the table while I floundered for what to do; Carlisle had spent the last hour sitting on the bathroom floor trying not to vomit, giving up being on the couch for the time being. I initially went to give it to him, but seeing as he had his face inside the toilet bowl at that moment in time, I whole-heartedly doubted he'd want it.
"Garrett! I miss you guys so much, it's been months," he told me. He started about my job, my family, how our mutual friends were, but eventually he couldn't stand it anymore and asked after Carlisle. "How's our boy?" he teased. "You're great and all, but do you mind if I talk to him? It's been a few weeks, and he usually rings me."
I hesitated, not sure what to tell him. I already knew the Carlisle wouldn't be happy with me for telling him the truth, but I didn't know how else to stall. "Uh, he can't really talk at the moment, Al, he's not feeling too good," I said slowly.
"Please? I'll be quick." The teasing was leaving his voice, replaced with disappointment. He pressed again when I paused. "What's the matter?"
"He's really not well; I think he has a stomach bug," I admitted. "I don't know what to do with him - he's been sick all day, and he's not getting any better. Did he...did he ever get migraines when you two lived together?"
"No," he answered slowly. "He got headaches when he had colds and stuff, but that's normal, right? What's going on?"
I reluctantly told him about everything, the allergies, lack of sleep, stress, endless nausea and pain. Silence weighed in on the other end for a prolonged pause. "He's gotten nervous about leaving the house; he says it makes him sick, but I think he's just really anxious about everything. Has this ever happened before?" I was practically begging him to tell me that it would pass and he would be fine.
"No, has he been to the doctor?" Worry edged into his voice now, dropping in volume.
"Yeah, they just told him to drink some water, and it stressed him out more than anything else." I picked at the edges of my fingernails, half focusing on him and half listening to make sure that Carlisle was okay. His silence was starting to unnerve me a little. I crept down the hallway again, knocking softly on the bathroom door as I pushed it open. He'd just fallen asleep, lying against the bath with his head on his arm. "I have to go, Al, I'll get him to call you when he's feeling a bit better," I said softly. Alistair agreed, telling me he'd ring me tomorrow if I didn't contact him first. As soon as we'd hung up, I shoved the phone onto the counter, gently brushing my fingers over his face to wake him up a bit. "Carlisle, time to go to bed," I murmured. "You can't stay there."
It took a moment for him to come around. He was so pale and cold, verging on being underweight again. "...I can't throw up anymore…" he mumbled to me.
"You haven't had much to eat in the last few days, your stomach should be empty," I reminded him. "It's okay, just let me help you to bed." I helped him sit up and lean against the bath, kissing his forehead and rubbing his arms. "Do you think you can stand up?"
He nodded slowly, clumsily stumbling into my arms as I pulled him to his feet. His automatic response to my touch was to bury his face in my chest, leaning his weight against me. "I feel awful, Gar."
"I know; you need medicine, huh? I'll get something when I pick up Katie," I soothed. I gently guided him back into our bedroom and sat him on the bed, crouching in front of him. "Al called before, he wants to talk to you once you're a bit better."
"I miss him," he murmured. "I really want to go and see him."
"You're not going anywhere in this state," I chuckled. "Give me a minute; we must have something in the cupboard that will help you." Once he'd curled up, I hurried back into the kitchen, ferreting through the cupboards to try and find anything that might help to manage his nausea. I eventually found ginger tablets and some other pill which promised great things, but I was doubtful with the state he was in. I was not letting him go to Alistair's. He'd never cope on his own.
He was half asleep when I got back, his knees pulled up against his abdomen. "Garrett…"
"Here, see if these help. We're going to the hospital if you're still like this tonight; you can't keep this up," I told him, handing him the pills. Just the word brought panic to his face. "It'll be alright, I'll come with you."
"No- I don't want to go, Gar, it's just a stomach bug. It'll go away, right?" he pleaded with me. His fingers had wrapping around my wrist to tightly my fingers tingled, and he was suddenly very awake. "I'm not going."
"You're so stubborn," I teased, kissing his forehead and gently pushing him back against the mattress when he sat up. "Come on, Carlisle, just relax, okay? You're sick; you can't be using your energy up on worrying about that."
"They're not going to admit me just because I'm throwing up," he argued. The tears he was barely holding back suggested that was not the issue at all, really.
"They will if you get too dehydrated," I reminded him. Sighing, I went around to my side of the bed, slipping under the covers and shuffling closer to him. "What's really the matter?" Carefully, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders to pull him into me. "This isn't really about the hospital, is it?"
He hesitated. "No, not really," he admitted slowly. After a long pause, he continued without me having to prompt him, which was definite progress, and I gently squeezed him in reassurance. "I'm scared; I feel like there's something really wrong with me - I'm catching everything - and no one is listening to me, and it's really frustrating. I miss Al a lot, but I don't know if I can manage the flight, and leaving home makes me so nervous, and if I have to stay overnight in a ward I'm going to lose my mind." Fidgeting, he kept rubbing my forearm, trying to comfort himself as much as he was me. My hug had him stifling tears, and he turned his face into the pillows to hide it from me.
"I'm right here, baby, I'm listening," I promised. "I don't know how to help you, I'm sorry. Alistair will understand if you can't be there; he's worried about you too."
A shudder ran through his body as he tried to swallow a quiet sob. "I don't want to feel like this anymore; I'm so tired."
No amount of cuddling was going to make this better for him. I couldn't fix this. "I don't know where else to take you, Carlisle, unless we find a specialist or something?" A specialist in what was another question, but he was shaking his head already.
Quiet for a while, he eventually calmed himself down enough to start to relax. "Can you maybe bring Kate back here instead of staying at Eleazar's this afternoon? I don't want to be by myself," he asked softly.
"Yeah, we can do that." I kissed the top of his head, slipping my hand up under this shirt to rub his back. "I can get my brother to pick her up, if you don't think you'll be alright on your own." There was no way he wasn't completely fucked if he was asking that.
"I'll be fine, I just...want you. Sorry for being a pain in the ass; I feel stupid for being so clingy," he mumbled, his face getting warm.
"It's okay." It was no wonder, really, considering the time he was having.
.
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I made the decision to pick up Kate from school and get Eleazar to collect her from our apartment on his way home from work so I wouldn't have to leave him again. I was barely in her classroom thirty seconds before I grabbed her and led her out, completely ignoring Heidi's confused and slightly hurt glance in my direction. Her unopened messages burned a hole in my pocket, but I just ignored it and got out of there.
My niece was excited to play with the cat, more than happy to spend some time with us when I broke the news. "Is Carlisle home?" she asked eagerly. She still couldn't say his name properly, and it was adorable.
Battling with the seatbelt on her carseat, it took me a moment to formulate a child-friendly response. "Uh, Carlisle has a tummy ache and needs to rest," I told her carefully. "We're going to have to be gentle with him today, he's not feeling very well. And we need to stop at the shops to get him some medicine, so I don't want to hear any complaining." My warning was futile - there was no way she wouldn't bitch when I dragged her into a drug store.
She pouted, but nodded. Unconvincing. "Can we go to the park?" she asked after nearly a minute of silence.
I glanced at her in the rearview mirror. Somehow she'd forgotten that it was absolutely freezing and howling with wind outside. "Kate, we need to go home to Carlisle; there isn't time today. You'll catch your death out there anyway."
"But I want to play," she grumbled.
"You can play when we get home," I grumbled back. I drove a little faster than I was supposed to all the way to the pharmacy, ignoring the snarky remarks muttered from the back seat. Today really wasn't the day for that kid to get an attitude. "Are you coming with me, or waiting in the car?" I asked her as I parked. Leaving her alone in the vehicle wasn't appealing, but neither was dealing with a bratty child.
"Want to come," she huffed. Good. She released her own seatbelt and scrambled to meet me on the sidewalk, complaining again when I made her hold my hand while we walked. The cute toys the drug store had in their window, no doubt a display prepared for christmas, piqued her interest as we walked in, and she was immediately grabbing at things on the shelves.
"Look, don't touch, Katie," I reminded her, already trying to stare her toward the medications shelves. It wasn't going to take long for me to lose my patience.
"Uncle Garrett? What's this?" she asked, holding up a stuffed toy. The unfortunate looking thing was a ridiculously pink lion, an unsightly pattern making up it's body and an even worse price tag.
"It's a lion, put it back, Kate," I groaned, reaching for her arm again. "Come on."
"What's this?" A quick glance confirmed it was no better than last time.
"A giraffe. Put it back." I took it out of her hands, towing her into the corner of the shop I needed.
"What's that?" she asked as I picked up a box, this time trying to grab an identical one off the shelves.
"Painkillers. Shush, and I'll buy you a lollypop when we go," I bargained.
Her face fell, her eyes wide. "Is Carlisle hurt?"
"He's okay, Kate, he's just got a sore tummy," I assured her. I could have kicked myself for not lying about the pills, brushing my hand through her hair to calm her down before she got worked up. "It's alright; he'll be fine." My words were starting to feel like a lie; it didn't feel like he would be okay at all. She didn't need to know that though.
"Like mum?" Her question was cautious now, confused.
"Not quite; he's just got a bug. Your mother is having a baby." Grabbing something else to try and suppress the nausea a bit, I took Kate's hand to lead her over to the register. "What colour lolly do you want?" I held the basket of sweets down for her to choose from, needing a distraction now.
She looked up at me after staring at it for a moment. "Can we get him one too?"
"Carlisle?" I asked, frowning as she nodded innocently. "Yeah, you can choose one for him too."
Her smile returned, and she snatched two out of the container after a moment of deliberation. She was a sweet kid, when it came down to it.
.
.
"We got you a lollypop!" She announced as soon as she laid eyes on him. "So your tummy won't hurt anymore! Mummy said it makes her feel better!"
He'd managed to pull on enough clothes to be presentable and stumble into the kitchen, forcing a smile as Kate hugged his legs. He didn't pick her up like he usually did, a tell-tale sign he still wasn't well, but he did reach down to rub her back. "Thanks, Kate, do you want something to eat?" he asked quietly.
I placed my hands on her shoulders, peeling her off him and nudging her in the direction of the longue. "Go watch TV; we can do your homework later," I told her. "I'll bring you a snack in a minute." I didn't have to ask twice, considering the strict schedule her parents kept. Once she was gone, I moved my hands to Carlisle's hips, pulling him into me and quickly kissing his cheek. "I got you some painkillers and stuff too, don't worry," I assured him. "Though she is adamant that the lolly will make you all better."
"You're the best," he sighed. He buried his face in my neck, leaning against my chest, and I locked my arm around his shoulders.
I wasn't. I really wasn't. I was a terrible boyfriend. "Do you still have a headache?" I asked instead.
He nodded slowly. "I threw up the water."
"Shit, Carlisle, what're we going to do? I'll take you to the doctors-"
"No- Garrett, they're not listening to me. I don't want to just be told to drink again; it won't stay down, and I can't handle sitting in a waiting room for hours for nothing," he argued. It had instantly made him upset, all the distress he was burying immediately rising to the surface until he was struggling to talk to me without bursting into tears.
"We didn't go to the hospital last time," I reminded him gently. "The doctors there are different; maybe we can get you referred to a specialist or something. This will only get worse if you aren't keeping absolutely anything down." Moving my hand over his arm, I edged his sleeve over the injection site, frowning at the redness across his skin; allergy shots obviously hadn't been a good idea. "Is this painful?
"It's fine," he choked out. "I don't want them to admit me, Gar." It frightened me a little, that he was so sure they would, but I had no doubt he felt ill enough for it. "I can't stay there."
"You handled it fine when Caius hurt you; it wouldn't be the end of the world, and I'll come with you. It'll be okay." I kept kissing whatever exposed skin I could reach, rubbing the small of his back. It was enough to make him break, and he suddenly wasn't breathing properly, hyperventilating and shaking and desperately trying to drag air into his lungs far too quickly. "Stop, Carlisle, you'll make yourself faint."
"I hate this-I can't do this anymore," he pleaded. "I just want it to stop." The tears bubbled over, his shoulders shaking as he tried to suppress it. "I can't."
"Sit down," I urged, not wanting him to fall and worsen it. He moved for the table, but I grabbed the back of his shirt, knowing he wouldn't get that far. "On the floor. Just for a minute, until you don't look quite so pale." I knelt in front of him as he leaned against the cupboards, giving up and doing what he was told.
"I can't breathe."
"You're having a panic attack, just slow down." Cupping my hand against the side of his face, I brushed my thumb over his cheek, trying to force a smile despite the lump in my own throat. "It's okay, you're okay." It really wasn't okay. He really wasn't okay. "Do you want water, or-"
"No, I just, I want it to stop- it hurts and no one's listening and-"
I hugged him. He didn't want it, tense in my arms, but it was the only thing I could think of to do while he was like this and I did it anyway. So caught up in everything, I completely forgot that I was babysitting until my niece's frightened voice interrupted me.
"Uncle Garrett...what's wrong with Carlisle?" Kate sounded petrified, wide-eyes and watching the ordeal from the doorway, still clutching the TV remote in both hands in front of her. Fuck.
I grabbed my cell phone off of the bench, dialling Eleazar's number and handing it to her. "It's alright, Katie, but can you talk to your dad? Ask him to come pick you up early, yeah?" I pleaded with her. I wasn't convinced that she would, half suspecting that it would only work both her and my brother up more.
Wincing at the sound of her voice, Carlisle ducked his head against his knees, trying to hide that he was upset. It wouldn't do much good; she was already crying to her father that something was wrong. Quickly kissing my boyfriend's cheek, I left his side, going to pick up the child and hurrying take the phone from her. "It's okay, Katie, everythings fine," I soothed her. "El, I really need you to come and get her; Carlisle really isn't doing well."
"I finish work in half an hour, I can come straight afterwards-"
"Now, Eleazar, we're having a bit of a fucking crisis here," I snapped. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do with my boyfriend if I couldn't convince him to get medical attention, but I sure as hell didn't want the kid here for it.
.
.
I really, really was a terrible partner. In the 40 minutes it took for Eleazar to get to us, I'd abandoned Carlisle to try and calm Kate, who was crying so hysterically I was sure she was about to make herself ill. I sat with her on the couch while she bawled her eyes out, her arms coiled painfully around my neck while she asked over and over again why he was 'sad'. No amount of telling her it was alright was soothing her any.
Eleazar unlocked the door for himself, alarmed by the sound of his daughter's wailing. "What the hell is going on?" he demanded.
"Take her home; she's upset because he's upset," I told him, unwrapping her limbs from around me to shove her into his arms.
Settling her on his hip, he grabbed my arm as I started to turn away. "What's wrong with Carlisle? Is he okay?"
"No, he's sick and I don't know what to do; I need to go," I told him. My voice broke, the lump finally winning out, and I quickly put my back to him, forcing myself to breathe and wishing he'd just close the door.
"Garrett, hey. With what? What's going on?" He was coming further into my house, still shushing Kate as she clung to him.
"I don't know! He's catching fucking everything, and he's got a stomach virus and a migraine, and I'm not a fucking nurse and he won't go to the hospital and I don't know what to do!" I exploded at him. Most of it was guilt driven, seeming as I traded him out for Heidi so many times, but the rest of it was fear; I was scared for him, and I'd never felt more lost.
"Are you okay?" he pressed.
"I will be when he is; I don't know how to help him, and I have to go to work tomorrow, and I don't want to leave him here by himself while he's like this." I was practically pleading with him to give me a solution. "Please just go, El, I can't be having this conversation right now," I mumbled.
He hesitated, and then nodded cautiously. "Call me when things settle down a little."
I blindly agreed, not even bothering to wait until I heard the door click shut before hurrying down the hallway to find my boyfriend. The anxious pounding in my chest calmed slightly once I found him curled up in bed. "Carlisle, I'm so sorry I had to leave you by yourself, are you okay?" Sitting on the edge of the mattress next to him, I ran my hand up his arm, squeezing.
He tried to nod, despite it being obvious that he'd cried and being far too pale, visibly shaken up. "I really just want to sleep," he got out between clenched teeth. "It can't hurt if I'm asleep, right?"
I groaned, leaning my forehead against his shoulder. Bed sounded good despite the time; I was suddenly exhausted too. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep if he was in this much pain though. "Do you have any sleeping pills left? Or the stronger painkillers?"
Hesitating, he slowly answered me. "Yeah, but what if they come back up?"
"There's no harm in trying." Kissing his temple, I went to forage in the kitchen, my hands trembling as I fumbled to get them from their bottles. If this didn't work, I was going to lose my mind. I supervised as he swallowed them with the tiniest bit of water, rubbing his back as he perched on the edge of the bed. "Are you going to be sick?" I asked carefully, studying his face for any signs of panic.
"I think it's okay," he mumbled back. He was still very careful as he lay back, stiff under the blankets and struggling to breathe evenly. "When do you think you'll come to bed?" The question was shy, like he didn't want to push me into it but badly wanted me there.
"Right now, baby." I forced a smile, making myself calm down as well.
He frowned at me, almost fighting off a tired smile. "Are you really going to keep calling me that?" It was only half teasing.
I grinned at him. "Yeah; it's only fair if you keep calling me 'Gar' all the time."
He rolled his eyes, huffing. "Get in bed, Gar."
.
.
I fell asleep with my arms around him, but the next time I woke up it was too close to my alarm going off the next morning for me to go back to sleep. Our bedroom was still dark, aside from the light thrown out from Carlisle's phone as he scrolled through it, having been awake for god knows how long. The white glow made him look far more pale than I was sure he was, but it still had me a little nervous. I freed one of my arms from around his middle, reaching up to brush his cheek. "Did you have an okay night?" As my hand came to rest on his shoulder, brief discomfort flashed across his face, his teeth sinking into his lip as he frowned. I reached over him to switch on the lamp. "Fuck, you are reacting to that shot. Are you still puking?"
Where they'd given him the injection was red and inflamed, hot under my fingertips and spreading down his arm. He just rolled his eyes at my concern. "It's alright, Garrett, it doesn't hurt that much. I'm not a child. I feel a bit better, actually."
I groaned at him, rolling onto my back to scrub my hands over my face. "You don't look better at all. Will you be okay if I go to work today? I kind of need to go in." There was no chance in hell of me being able to get another day off anytime soon; I hadn't worked there long enough for sick leave and I couldn't risk my job again. He really did look sick, though.
"I'll be fine. I need to get some work done anyway; I'm going to get behind if I leave it much longer." His throat sounded raw, talking irritating it.
I frowned as I sat up. "A few days off while you get better won't kill you. You said yourself that you are exhausted "
"I can finish my assignments lying in bed, Gar, I don't really have an excuse. Besides, my coworkers are going to be mad at me if I don't do my part of everything on time." He'd been awake for a while by the look of it, and I wondered if he was just too uncomfortable to sleep anymore.
"You're impossible," I grumbled. Giving up on convincing him for the time being, I stumbled my way from the bed to the shower, scrambling to find my uniform on the way. The hot water helped me relax a little, soothing the tension in my shoulders as I thought about him; if he didn't cope today, I wasn't working far away at least if I needed to rush home. I still hated the thought of leaving.
I ate breakfast in the kitchen, well away from Carlisle incase it made him feel sick, and I was halfway through chewing a mouthful of cereal when there was a knock on the door. Already annoyed at whatever sales person decided it was okay to invade our lives 8am, I was frowning as I swung it open. My stomach dropped. "Mum?"
"Oh, don't look at me like that, Garrett, you're the one that didn't answer your phone last night," she chided, pushing her way into the apartment. "I'll stay with Carlisle for the day while you're at work; Eleazar said that the poor boy is miserable."
I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her against me. "You scared the shit out of me."
"Well, do you want me here, or am I turning around and driving home-"
"Stay. Please stay, mum, I really don't want to leave him alone all day while he's like this. He didn't keep anything down yesterday, and he was in so much pain, and dizzy, and-"
"I'll sort him out, love, he just needs some good mothering," she smiled. "I'll look after him."
"God, he's going to hate this," I admitted. If there was one thing he really didn't like, it was fussing, and that was exactly what she was going to do. He needed it though. "Thank you for coming."
"It's no problem, Garrett. Get ready for work; I'll keep him safe today."
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