I hope this makes sense, it's late as hell over here. Happy reading!
.
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The texts and missed calls from Heidi were piling up. It was making me nervous; as much as I knew that I shouldn't be speaking to her, I was scared to ignore her completely. It made no logical sense for her to know how to contact Carlisle, but I was terrified she'd somehow tell him. If he had to find out, I wanted it to be because I told him. Less chance he'd kill me that way.
I eventually gave in, replying and agreeing to meet her before I picked Kate up. To end things. My stomach was full of butterflies, anxious and fluttering and not in a good way. Already I knew she was going to try and convince me to do something I'd regret, and my own resolve worried me - she'd made me cave so many times before. I comforted myself with the thought that Carlisle was home with mum, if nothing else.
I felt like I was in trouble as I waited in the school hallway for her. The sounds of the kids was muffled through the closed doors, my footsteps too loud on the hard floors. My heartbeat seemed even louder.
"Garrett." My name slid between her lips like a sigh of relief, and she was already smiling as she approached me. "You've been avoiding me?" Her fingers looped around my wrist, guiding me toward her office. "Can't reply to my messages, huh?"
"We need to talk, Heidi. Just talk. I can't do this anymore." I batted her hands away as she fidgeted with the buttons on my shirt, swallowing the dryness in my mouth. My heart was racing so badly the room started to spin and I was sweating.
She huffed. "About your boyfriend? Kate mentions him all the time; I really don't want to hear anymore about him." Annoyed, she was glaring at my chest, refusing to meet my eyes as her brows knitted together.
"Yeah, I guess. I can't be screwing around with you behind his back anymore; I love him so much, and I don't want to hurt him." I bit my lip to stop myself rambling, pressing my back against the wall to try and get some space between us. Her hands were still on me and her breath tickled my neck with every exhale, and I wanted to throw myself out the window just to get away.
"Tell him then. Maybe he'll be into it; that could be fun?" Her tone suggested her was teasing, but her expression was so serious that I wasn't sure.
"No. No way. I don't want to keep fucking my niece's teacher, and I really don't want my partner involved," I snapped at her. "Please stop texting me; I don't want anything to do with this anymore, I just want to get married to him and pretend this never happened." I was begging her, groveling almost, but I could see she wasn't about to listen to me. "I love him." Some part of me hoped that the more I said it, the more deterred she'd be, but she didn't seem to care at all.
"And I'm already married, Garrett, what difference does a ring make? I'm sure that we can just take them off." She grabbed my hand, her fingernails digging into my hand as she tried to pull my engagement ring off of my finger.
I violently wrenched my hand away from her, clenching my fist to make it impossible. "Stop! I don't want to do this anymore! You're not listening!" My voice was too loud, and I fought to edge my volume down again. Her relationship was a shock to me as well, and I felt sick. She'd never mentioned that before. No doubt that guy would kick my ass as well. I sure as hell wasn't getting sympathy out of Carlisle for that one.
She rolled her eyes. "You'll come crawling back. You wouldn't have fucked me in the first place if you had enough self respect to be able to keep it in your pants, or if you were actually happy with Cameron-."
"Carlisle, and you didn't tell me you were married!" I burst out. Her words stung and I felt like the guilt would crush me; it hit far too close to home.
"I wear a ring too, you unobservant idiot." The bell rang to signal the end of the day, and we glared at each other across the small space until she spoke again. "Go and get your niece. Text me when you get sick of your boyfriend."
Gritting my teeth, I stepped around her to flee out the door. I just wanted to get Kate and go home.
.
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I got the feeling that mum was enjoying spending time with Carlisle. She would send me sporadic updates on what she'd managed to feed him, if he was feeling better, and what the cat was doing. There was no way that my boyfriend didn't absolutely hate all of this. He'd been uncomfortable enough having to rely on me to look after him, and being the center of my mother's attention can't have been something he wanted. He needed it though. She would know what to do more than I did. And it selfishly made me feel okay about leaving him.
I tried to sneak into the house after work, not wanting to disturb them. Carlisle was sitting at the table, his elbows on the table top and his head in his hands, while mum busied herself in the kitchen, a pot on the stove despite it only being the afternoon. She smiled when she turned back to him and saw me in the doorway, but said nothing, still focused on him. "It's 3 oclock, love; you need to take the pills again," she murmured to him, setting a glass of water and the medication on the table. Her hand landed on his shoulder as he groaned.
"I really am okay, Sasha, you don't need to be doing this," he told her softly. He finally looked up, relief flooding his face as we made eye contact. "Garrett…"
"You look far from okay, Carlisle; I'm a mother, you can't lie to me," she scolded gently. "You can't fake sick, either; I put up with Garrett for 20 years while he was at home."
"Thanks, mum," I grumbled, rolling my eyes. It wasn't a lie; I'd pulled my fair share of sickies to get out of school sports days. She used to allow it, more times than not, knowing how cruel the other kids could be. I went around behind him, rubbing his shoulders. "Are you feeling better? You don't look quite so terrible." Heat still soaked through his clothing when I touched him, but his face had more colour in it. I was pretty sure the pink in his cheeks stemmed from a little bit of embarrassment, but he was handling the day with my mother well otherwise.
He nodded. "I haven't been sick today; my stomach doesn't hurt so much."
"Your head does though, huh?" I frowned, kissing his forehead. I carded my fingers through his hair, getting it off his face so he would look at me, waiting until mum was occupied before asking again. "Really, Carlisle, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm just tired." He forced a half-hearted smile up at me, leaning back against my chest.
My mother was frowning at him again, her eyes flickering up to meet mine again after a few seconds. "I've made dinner; you'll just need to heat it up when you're hungry," she told me. "And we went to the grocery store this morning because you didn't have decent food in the house. I'll leave you two to it; I need to get home." Her hurry to get out of the house didn't make much sense to me, seeming as she usually at least stayed for tea, but neither did the tight hug she wrapped my boyfriend in. "It'll work out, love. It'll be okay," she murmured to him, almost too quietly for me to overhear.
"Thanks, Sashsa," he mumbled back.
"Just call me again if you need help with anything. I'd be more than happy to come back." She finally released him, more normal as she wrapped her arms around me. "Be good to him, Garrett, he needs it," she whispered once her lips were next to my ear.
I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. Forcing myself to nod, I followed her back to the front door, holding it open for her. "There's a reason I'm marrying him, you know."
"I know. Just be gentle," she repeated.
"I will, mum," I promised, confused now. Obviously she'd been told something I hadn't. Nervous anticipation lodged in my chest as I closed the door behind her and turned to face Carlisle, but he wasn't looking at me, fidgeting with his phone instead. "What was all that about?" My voice broke the silence between us.
He winced slightly. "Gar, how much do you love me?"
"What'd you mean? Of course I love you, idiot." I tried to laugh but the sound was nervous. I was so worried about him guessing what I'd done, it was driving me insane. The thought of him finding out in front of my mother was even worse, though I was sure she'd already have yelled at me if she knew.
He swallowed thickly. "Enough to come to a client's function with me? It's a dinner, Gar. You don't have to eat if you don't want, but it is a dinner."
I was so relieved it wasn't anything to do with Heidi that I just agreed without thinking. "Yeah, I can come. What do they want with you?" My heart was racing a little, and I had to force a couple of deep breaths to calm it again. I sat at the table with him, rubbing his shoulder as he groaned and ducked his head in his hands again.
"I've been doing their advertising for months, and they're happy with it so they're happy with my boss, and they invited our design team to their end of year celebration...and that includes me, now," he explained, while I didn't pretend to understand what exactly his job was. He'd started off coming up with loose drafts of book covers and flyers for the business, sending them to another team to actually be created, but I got the sense he was doing more than that now. Not that he ever showed me what he was working on.
"There's a team of you now?" I frowned.
"There's always been a team, Gar. This client is important; we get a lot of our work through them, and I'm so out of my depth." Starting to ramble, he was clearly nervous, waiting for me to refuse him.
"Don't panic over it yet; I'll come with you," I promised. "What happens if you're still not well by then?" That was my only reservation, that the day would come and he wouldn't feel good and he'd force himself to go anyway.
"Then I don't go, I guess," he mumbled. Something about my question made his breath hitch and his shoulders tense, his fingers squeezing mine. "I can't go if my head hurts like this; I'll throw up in front of everyone, and it'll ruin everything."
"I love that it's that you're worried about - spoiling everyone else's time." Wrapping my arm around his shoulders, I pulled him into my side, hugging him gently. "You're so sweet; I love you. Do you want to lie down? I bet mum kept you up all day." I wanted him to go to bed - I wanted a damn cuddle after how shitty the rest of my afternoon had been.
"Well, that, and it would be embarrassing as hell." Just the thought of it made the heat rush to his cheeks, and he turned to hide his face in my shoulder. "I love you too. I feel like I do nothing but lie in bed, Gar, I can wait a bit."
"I'll come with you. Of course I'll come with you, Carlisle, you really didn't need to worry about asking me that." Kissing his forehead, I savored the feeling of the warmth of his body against mine; Heidi was so abrasive - god knows why I let her get the better of me when I wanted nothing but him. "Tired?"
"It wasn't that I was worried about; I really need you not to be mad at me for something," he started carefully, ignoring my question.
"You spent the day with my mother; I highly doubt you've managed to do something I wouldn't approve of," I teased. "I am a little mad that you went to the supermarket in the state you're in, but I'm sure we can let that one slide."
"I didn't go; I just gave her a list and my card because she wouldn't stop worrying about it, and we did actually need food," he mumbled.
I chuckled, my hand brushing down his back and sneaking under his shirt. "Tell me, Carlisle. I promise I'll keep my disapproval to myself."
He sighed, turning his face into me so his voice was muffled when he did eventually speak. "I booked tickets to fly out to Alistair - you just said you weren't going to yell at me," he added quickly as he felt my body tense.
"I'm not going to shout, but what the hell are you thinking?" I groaned. "You're sick."
"That's why I have to go." His voice was even quieter now, shy. "The doctor called me today because the results of my last blood test came back, and they weren't normal. He still doesn't know what's wrong, but he sounded worried." He was barely choking back tears, starting to panic already.
"If they don't know, then maybe it's nothing, and they're just being cautious," I murmured, kissing his temple. "We can deal; you can work from home anyway, and I can look after you if you need help. It'll be okay, Carlisle. But what's this got to do with seeing Al?" It was more of a reason to stay home, if nothing else.
"You don't understand, Gar, if it's something serious, I can't afford to do this here. If my insurance company rejected the allergy shots, they're not going to fund me for this, and I'm going to have to go back to the UK." He managed to get the words out without breaking down, but a meltdown was definitely building.
There was a beat of silence where I tried to process what he was telling me. I was shaking my head before I processed what I was doing, tightening my hold on him. "We can just get married; we'll get you citizenship that way and it'll be cheaper. They'll give you a green card if you're my husband, right?" I was pleading with him to tell me I was right, but he just looked afraid.
"I don't think it's that easy, but I guess we can try. I don't want to force you into doing that, though."
"Carlisle, I love you and we're engaged; it doesn't matter to me how we end up married, and if it means that we don't get separated, I don't care why we've signed the papers." I knew some part of him was still a little insecure when it came to trusting that I wouldn't pack up and leave him. As much as he loved Alistair and I, he still hadn't dealt with whatever he went through as a kid, and I wasn't sure how I was ever supposed to prove to him that I wasn't going anywhere. Heidi would absolutely destroy him.
"Yeah, but…"
"But nothing. You're not forcing me to do anything; it'll be for my benefit as much as yours. I don't want to be away from you, it was bad enough when you were gone for your father's funeral - I don't ever want to do that again." I pulled him into a hug, refusing to relent until he gave in to the comfort. "I love you, you can't leave. Maybe it's simple anyway, and all of this is for nothing."
"I feel too awful for it to be nothing," he mumbled into my shoulder.
"It'll be okay, baby, we'll figure it out."
"I'm so tired of our lives turning to shit. Every time we get everything going smoothly, something else breaks, and I just want it to stop."
"Me too, Carlisle."
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I'd spent the rest of the afternoon emailing Riley and Eleazar pictures of rings, eventually giving up and contacting Carmen when my brother was no use. After our conversation about his health, and realising how unsure he still felt about about 'us', I was desperate to make him feel better. The guilt was killing me, and I hoped him having a symbol of our relationship would give me some relief as well.
I was no good with jewelry. Even just wanting to get something simple, it was hard to actually commit to anything. Carmen had already reassured me that he would love whatever I gave to him, just because it was from me, but I still wanted it to be right. It took me all afternoon to settle on one, ordering it once Carlisle had fallen asleep again. It hadn't taken long after he'd had pain killers - he'd been too sleepy to function within half an hour.
I reheated the food mum had made and crawled into bed with it. My movement disturbed him enough that he curled up and rested his head in my lap, immediately unconscious again as my hand landed on his shoulder. It made eating a little awkward, but it was cute all the same.
It seemed like I'd only just fallen asleep before I was being shaken awake again. "What's the matter?" I mumbled, trying not to groan as my words slurred. I reached over to find Carlisle, but he wasn't in bed next to me. Something landed next to me on the bed - clothes, I realised after a moment. My plate was still precariously balanced on the corner of the mattress, sliding towards the edge as I moved under the blankets. Cursing and grabbing it before it fell and broke, I finally glanced up at my boyfriend.
"You gotta get up, Gar, Carmen's having her baby," he told me. He looked terrified, tossing my phone onto the clothes so I could see my brother's number on the screen. "Eleazar called before, but you slept through it."
I chuckled at his expression as I rubbed my face. A swell of happiness rushed over me as his words sunk in, and I was suddenly full of energy despite it being 2am. "Don't look so worried," I teased. "It's just a baby."
"Yeah, but she's in labour, Garrett," he replied.
"We're not in the 19th century, and she's at full term, it'll be fine. Well, for us it will be, her and Eleazar will have a rough few hours ahead of them. Hopefully it's quick." I clumsily put on the clothes he'd thrown at me, still struggling to function. This had always been the plan - for me to meet them at the hospital so I could pick up Kate. It would take my parents far too long to arrive, Carmen's even longer, and I doubted mum would be thrilled to rush back into the city after just getting home again. "You wanna get some coffee on the way? Kate is going to be unbearable at this hour."
"Won't the baby be out before we…" he trailed off, rather confused by my complacency.
"It'll probably be at least another few hours if they've only just called us," I told him. "We've got plenty of time." Quickly getting dressed and grabbing our jackets, I hurried down to the car just to humour him. It was highly unlikely he'd ever had to deal with anything like this before, and the constant questions he asked me all the way to the hospital only further confirmed my suspicions.
"Are you excited?" he asked eventually.
"Yeah; Kate was so sweet when she was born. It took her awhile to grow into a little tyrant." Despite the hour, my lack of sleep couldn't dampen my good mood. Having Kate around us so much helped to fill the void that not being able to have my own kids created, and having another niece seemed wonderful to me.
He smiled but still looked nervous about the whole thing. Reaching for my hand over the gearbox, he squeezed my fingers. "I'm glad you're happy."
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Surprisingly, Carmen was the calmest person in the room by the time we arrived. Kate was whining about being tired and bored, and Eleazar looked like he'd been to hell and back as he slouched in a chair, but she was relatively relaxed considering everything. "Ready for round two, El?" I teased as I sat across from him, watching as he gave in and pulled Kate into his lap.
"It's a little late for me to back out now," he sighed, only half kidding. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do with two of them."
"You'll be fine; you coped with Kate, and we can help out. No doubt mum and dad will come down once it's not an insane hour of the night," I chuckled. We both winced as Carmen got another contraction, Eleazar freeing one hand to reach for her. It had made Kate anxious, demanding more of her father's attention, and I stood up to peel her off of him.
"Give her to me," Carlisle murmured. He hugged her as I settled her in his arms, rubbing her back as she cried into his shoulder. He looked rather nervous too, having become a million times more awkward since we'd entered the maternity unit. "Is it alright if I take her for a walk?" he asked after a while.
I glanced at my brother for permission, but he was too distracted to pay attention to us. It was probably the best idea; seeing her mother in pain was scaring Kate, and it was going to tear my brother in half trying to care for both of them. "Yeah, that'd be good."
The tension in Carmen's body eased after another few seconds, and she managed to smile at me. "Thank you for coming," she told me, squeezing my brother's hand again. "How'd it go with the ring yesterday?"
"Good. I haven't told him; I don't want to freak him out," I mumbled. My face became warm before I could stop it, making both of them chuckle at my expense.
"Garrett, he proposed to you, don't be an idiot," she teased. "Just marry the boy, already; I think it's pretty clear that he wants you to."
I glanced at the closed door, trying to decide whether it was a good time to bring it up or not; judging by the turn of the conversation, I guessed that Carmen just wanted the distraction. "He's having a few health problems at the moment, and I don't want to stress him out. Mum had to come and stay with him while I was at work a few days ago, just so he could cope on his own, but the doctors aren't sure what's going on with him yet. I'm really worried about him."
"Is he handling it alright?" she frowned.
"He's a bit of a mess, honestly. I think his job is more demanding than he wants to tell me, too." It was making me anxious just thinking about it, but my self-absorbed thinking was cut off as she was hit with another wave of contractions, Eleazar fussing the whole time. It would have been sweet, if I wasn't so agitated.
"You guys don't have to stay; could you maybe take Kate with you? She really needs some sleep," my brother asked, finally able to make a coherent thought. He did seem to have forgotten that I'd already agreed to babysitting, but I could forgive him for that.
"Yeah, we can do that. Will you guys be okay by yourselves? I can stay and get Carlisle to take her home for the night," I suggested.
"We'll be fine. Go get some sleep," she insisted.
I stood up to hug them both, making Eleazar promise to call me once the baby was born, and headed back out into the lobby to find Carlisle. The hospital was fairly quiet at this hour, besides a few people lurking in the hall, and it was almost eerie. I resort to texting him to meet me at the main entrance.
Kate had a cup full of pudding when they finally did arrive, her face pale and tear-streaked as she clung to Carlisle's hand. She was giggling at him despite the tears, laughing as he gently teased her. I forced a frown at both of them. "Where on earth did you find custard at this hour?" I asked.
"The cafe by the playground is still open," he shrugged. He scooped Kate up as we stepped outside, wrapping her in his jacket to stop the cold air getting to her. She immediately cuddled into him to get away from the rain with a quiet whine.
I rolled my eyes at him, but couldn't restrain a smile as I slipped my arm around his waist. "We need to get some sleep; let's go."
"Is Carmen okay?'
"Yeah. Are you?"
"Yeah, but Kate is tired and cold." He was shivering too, the idiot. I loved that boy.
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