It was very rare that I looked after Kate on a school night. She was cranky and tired the next morning, and it took me half an hour just to get her to get dressed and sit down for breakfast. I tried to get her hair up into a ponytail while she was distracted by the food, hoping she would sit still, but I was useless and I couldn't figure out how Carmen made it look so easy. Kate whined at me the whole time, hating the pulling. "Sorry, Kate, just give me a minute, okay?" I pleaded with her. We'd already argued about what clothes she was going to wear - she had insisted that a dress was the appropriate attire to wear out in a fucking blizzard. Absolutely no way.
"Want Carlisle to do it," she grumbled, pulling away from me. "And I don't want toast." The plate scratched the table top as she shoved it away.
"He's not going to be any better than me," I told her. And it would involve me convincing my still-not-very-well-and-sleep-deprived boyfriend to get out of bed to help me. The only reason I was making the kid go to school was because I didn't want to make things worse for him; my attention needed to be on Kate, and I wasn't going to be able to help him much if he deteriorated while she was staying with us. I couldn't handle that. "He needs to sleep."
"I don't want to go to school!" she pouted.
"I know, Kate, but you have to. I'll pick you up early, alright? I can't leave you at home," I argued. "I'll get you as soon as I finish work, yeah? It'll be just after lunch."
Having heard his name, the boy in question wandered into the kitchen. "She can stay with me; she's probably exhausted after last night, it's no wonder she's cranky." He wasn't much better at tying her hair when he tried it, but semi-managed it anyway. "She's only had a few hours sleep, Gar, today is going to be a nightmare for her." He'd picked up the now grizzling child as she'd started to pull on him, letting her grumble and wrap her arms around his neck. "It'll be fine; she can have a nap, and I'll take her out somewhere later if she starts to lose it from being in the house."
"You've been really sick, Carlisle, I really don't want it to come to that," I sighed. He was still sick; I could see it in his face that he didn't feel well. What the doctor had told him niggled away in the background, making me uncomfortable.
"I don't feel like I'm going to throw up, though, I'll be okay. She won't cope at school anyway; you can't send her in this state," he argued. He shifted Kate's weight, balancing her against his hip as she became heavy in his arms. "I can manage. She stayed home with me when she broke her arm."
I blew out a tight breath, handing him my keys. "Drop me off at work, and you can have the car for the day, alright? I'm not having you walk around in this weather after your last two days."
"Okay, Gar. You worry too much."
.
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I was jittery all day at work, spilling water and knocking over everything as I tried to clean. Caffeine only made it ten times worse. My coworkers tried to tease me, but I was so tired that I couldn't focus on them, barely able to hear through the fog in my head. Carlisle called me at lunch time, making sure I was okay and promising to pick me up when I was finished. I tried to eat lunch in my car but couldn't swallow it. Three hours sleep really wasn't serving me well at all.
I was dreading coming home. I didn't want to cook, and I really didn't want to go back to the hospital tonight, as much as I was excited to meet Irina. I selfishly just wanted to go to bed. My hands were shaking as I called my boyfriend to tell him I was done for the day. He promised to be quick, but my whole body ached with exhaustion. If that child was in a mood when I got in the car, I was going to lose my shit.
Thankfully, Kate was asleep in her carseat when he pulled up. "Hey, Gar, you okay?" He kissed my cheek as I fell into the passenger's seat, immediately pressing a thermos of something into my hands. "Soup," he told me after catching my expression. "I didn't think you'd be able to eat today, but you don't have to have it if you don't want it."
"I feel like shit," I whined at him. Well aware that I was being a needy pain in the ass, I just wanted him to hug me. "Thank you. Did Kate behave?"
He leaned over the gearbox to wrap his arms around me, rubbing the back of my neck when I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Yeah, she had a nap, and I took her to the mall so she could run around the playground; the rain hasn't stopped all day, and I didn't want to take her back to Eleazar in a bad mood. Do you wanna go see your brother now so we can just sleep after when we get home?"
I groaned, huffing. "I guess so; if I go home, I'm going to go to sleep, and I'm not going to wake up for a few hours. Did you get some rest?"
He hesitated and shook his head. "Not really; I was worried about you."
"I'm okay, let's go see this baby, and then we can go to bed." I'd never tell him, but I was secretly pleased that we could go to nap together; I really, really wanted a cuddle. I sank down in my seat, slouching and struggling to keep myself awake as we drove, daydreaming about being able to crawl between the sheets.
His hand landing on my thigh made me jump. "Go to sleep now."
I shook my head at him. "If you can't, I'll wait too; it's not fair. Another few hours won't kill me."
"You're been working; go to sleep, and I'll wake you up when we get there." Threading our fingers together, he kissed the back of my hand quickly before letting go again.
It was tempting. My eyelids were heavy, and the few sips I'd taken of the soup were making it even harder to stay awake. It would be close to an hour before we reached my family, as well. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, Garrett. I got to bed before you did last night. Shut up and go to sleep." He was teasing, fidgeting with the fabric of my jeans, and I closed my fingers around his wrist to hold his hand again. A few more hours, and we could both get some rest.
.
.
"Oh, aren't you two in a state," mum commented as we came in, Kate changing into the room ahead of us to run to her parents. She'd bounced back to life after sleeping all the way to the hospital in the backseat. My mother was cradling a tiny bundle, and I couldn't resist smiling instantly.
"My turn; you've had all day to cuddle," I teased her. Not wanting to be responsible for dropping a baby, I automatically sat in one of the chairs as mum settled her in my arms. Somehow, I'd forgotten how soft and warm newborns were over the past six years; there was no way Kate had been this little. "She looks like you, Carmen," I told my sister in-law. She looked exhausted too, barely focused as she watched me with her daughter, Kate already curled up in her father's lap.
She smiled tiredly. "Thanks for taking Katie last night. Was she alright about everything?"
"Yeah; Carlisle looked after her today, but she's pretty settled, apart from being over-tired." I glanced at my boyfriend as I spoke, unable to help a frown as our eyes met; he'd backed up a few feet, his spine stiffening as he watched me with the baby. Irina obviously didn't have the same effect on him as she did on me. Her quiet coos and snuffles absolutely melted my heart, and I was fighting back waves of longing the longer she stayed in my arms; I'd forgotten how much I wanted a family like this of my own.
Carlisle hesitantly dropped himself into the seat next to me. Although he'd reached out to touch her, his shoulders tensed as she wrapped a tiny hand around his finger. "So small," he mumbled.
"Hold her?" I asked, almost pleading with him to do it. Some masochistic part of me needed to see him with a baby. Just once.
He reluctantly nodded, carefully following my instructions as I passed her to him, guiding his hands to support her in the right places. "I'm going to break her," he whispered.
"You won't. You're doing well, just hold her head," I whispered back, leaning over to cup his cheek and gently leading him into a kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too," he murmured. He kept her in his lap, clumsy the entire time, until my mother put him out of his misery and took her back. The longer we stayed, the harder it was to stay awake, and the more sappy I was getting. It was going to drive Carlisle nuts if he noticed it. Poor Carmen looked absolutely shattered, not functioning past Kate's insistent chattering, and Eleazar was zoned out as well. "Do you need us to take Katie again?" he asked them softly.
"I think we better have her with us tonight; I don't want her to feel traded out," my brother said slowly. "I'm already not her favourite person, I don't need her to be jealous as well." Hugging Kate against his chest, he wrangled her with his jacket until she was cuddled into him, looking very pleased with himself when she buried her face in his shoulder and mumbled something to him. "I'm sure she'd much rather come home with you, Garrett. She constantly asks to stay with you guys."
"You know she's always welcome, El." He was a good dad, as much as he thought he struggled. "Besides, she's only using us for the junk food; she knows she can't get pizza out of you."
"She likes your cat too," he grumbled. "Her grades at school have gotten better. Her teacher - Heidi, I think her name is - thinks its Carlisle reading with her so much."
My blood ran cold at the name, and I felt the blood drain from my face. "That's good," I said awkwardly. "Do you, ah, do you have to see her much?"
Thankfully, he shook his head, leaning his shoulders back against the wall. "Usually only when she gets into trouble, which isn't that much, thank god."
I breathed a sigh of relief. All I had to do was keep that kid's grades up, and I would be fine.
.
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I was so tired that I couldn't see straight by the time we headed home. We weren't talking much, and I was absorbed in trying to figure out whether I was able to ditch work the following day without getting into serious trouble
"You want that. You want a baby," he mumbled after a long silence. His fingers were white from squeezing the steering wheel so hard when I glanced over. His words had made me jump; I hadn't expected him to speak at all, let alone come out with that.
"I-I...I mean, yeah...one day," I stammered out, his bluntness shocking me a little. We may have been engaged and together for almost two years, but I still didn't want to scare him off. "Not yet, but in the future, yeah, I'd like a family." It had been a long time since we had been this awkward with each other, but the exhaustion wasn't helping. "I know that you don't, Carlisle, I'm not going to push you-"
"I do, Gar. I think." He swallowed thickly, his face getting a little pinker as we fell quiet again, and I struggled to process it. "Obviously we can't just...have kids...but it might be nice to have that one day."
My heart skipped a beat. "That's new."
"I guess." He didn't look away from the road, suddenly hyper-focused.
"Don't just shrug," I laughed nervously as I watched him do just that. "You can't drop that on me and shrug it off; when did you start thinking about all that?" It was a quick decision if he'd come to that conclusion after our afternoon at the hospital.
"When I asked you to marry me sort of knowing that you wanted a family." He somehow found the willpower to peel one hand off of the steering wheel, reaching for mine. "I don't want to change anything while my health is up in the air and things might get difficult, but it might be nice once things settle down?" It was obvious that he was trying to tread carefully too, and I knew what he meant; now really wasn't the best time.
"Let's just go home to bed, baby. I'm too tired to think about this now." I kissed the back of his palm, rubbing his fingers and failing at repressing a smile; I loved this boy.
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We both fell into bed as soon as we got home, not even bothering to get changed. I was asleep before Carlisle had managed to wrap himself around me. The next time I opened my eyes, it was late in the evening and my boyfriend had his head on my chest. I slid my hand up his arm, squeezing his shoulder gently. "Hungry?"
"Sort of. You want to order pizza or something? I don't want to cook," he mumbled back, barely conscious.
"Yeah, that sounds good. I don't want to cook either." Kissing the top of his head, I propped myself up on my elbows, trying to will myself out of bed. My limbs felt like led. "I also really don't want to go to work tomorrow."
"Then don't. Stay home with me," he teased, rolling back onto his side of the bed but keeping a hold on my shirt. "It's too cold to go out; stay here."
I rolled my eyes at him. "I haven't worked long enough to have any sort of leave yet; I can't. As tempting as you make it seem." Catching his hands, I pinned them above his head as I leaned down to kiss him. "You're not making it any easier, you know." I didn't want to say anything to him, but I didn't want to destroy my chances of getting another day off if he got sick again any time soon, and taking unneeded leave wasn't going to help my cause. I had to go to work.
Sighing, he wriggled his hands free until he could wrap his arms around my neck, his lips brushing mine. "I miss you when you're gone. It's weird being home alone all day."
My thumb brushed across his cheek as I held his face in my hands. "I think you need to get out more. I don't like you here by yourself all day either; it can't be good for your mental health."
"It just makes me so nervous, and it's worse now that I'm getting sick so much, but I feel like I don't leave the house anymore unless I really have to." His fingers fidgeted with my hair as he frowned. "I don't want to become a shut in though."
"It's too late to worry about it now; we're both too tired. I'll order us some dinner, and we can talk about it when we're not sleep deprived." The next kiss was a bit more urgent, and he was pulling at my clothing to hold me closer, almost desperate to have my body against his. I had to break away to catch my breath, my heart racing as I tried to calm myself down. Pizza didn't sound as good now that he had his hands on me. Considering that he'd just got over a stomach bug and had been up all night, I doubted that he has the strength for anything less platonic that a few heated kisses, but it was a struggle to calm myself down before I got carried away. I wondered if he would notice if I slipped away from a quick shower once he inevitably got tired.
Everything ended as he pulled away to lean his forehead against my shoulder. "Sorry, Gar, I…"
"I know. I'll go get us something to eat." I definitely needed a cold shower.
.
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Carlisle's weird symptoms came and went over the next few weeks, but he was making more of an effort to get out of the house. Between both of us working and babysitting Kate, I didn't see much of him besides in the evening, and he didn't really tell me much unless things were really bad. He'd either be fine, or exhausted and feverish,and there seemed like no inbetween.. Another trip to the doctors diagnosed him with a chest infection, and the antibiotics they gave him were making him feel pretty horrible. We were supposed to be going to his work event in a few days, and he was supposed to be flying out to Alistair's a week or so later, but both things were looking unlikely when all he wanted to do was sleep.
I wasn't used to spending so much time away apart. I left early in the morning, and then by the time I got home from work and my brother's house, I was too tired to hold much of a conversation. It stung even more that I had spent so much time screwing around with a stranger now that I couldn't see him all the time. We started calling each other on our lunch breaks and it helped to fill the void a little, but I still missed him. Today, his name on my screen just worried me.
"Hey, Gar, can I come with you to get Kate today? Can you pick me up from work on your way to school?" he asked hesitantly as soon as I answered the phone. He sounded terrible, like his throat hurt and speaking made him short of breath.
I frowned, confused. "Yeah, if you want. Why are you at the office in the first place?" He'd been comatose when I'd left, and I didn't think that he'd planned on going out at all. Having him in the same vicinity as Heidi made me nervous too.
He groaned quietly. "My laptop is so slow, and the image was taking so long to render; I thought it would be faster here. I wanna come with you though; I feel like I haven't seen you in ages." And he needed to get away from his office, most likely.
"I'll get you, Carlisle," I promised. "Are you finished already? If I finish early, can I come?"
"Yeah, I'm almost done." Even if he was unwell, it sounded like he was smiling again. It was a nice change. "See you soon."
I found myself grinning at the floor. "Okay, see you soon, baby," I teased, knowing he wouldn't scold me over the phone in front of his coworkers who I could hear chattering in the background.
"Bye, Garrett," he teased back, laughing a little as he hung up on me. God, I missed him.
I suddenly couldn't wait to finish, throwing myself back into scrubbing and vacuuming and whatever else I had to do before I could get out of there. My coworkers made a few teasing comments about my suddenly elevated mood, poking and prodding me about who I was escaping to see. The relationships between us were getting easier, and I didn't feel so much like an outsider anymore. It seemed like it was okay to tell them about Carlisle. No one reacted badly, one of the women getting a little overexcited to find out he was my fiance rather than partner, despite not knowing me very long. I was suddenly being shown pictures of their kids and pets, an old motor bike one of the guys was putting together in his garage, and we really weren't getting any work done.
Eventually, our manager glanced at his watch. "Alright, let's hurry up and get out of here; Parker wants to go and get laid."
I fought to keep my face from flushing, unable to help laughing. It was a stark contrast to my last job; I could really grow to like it here.
.
.
We managed to finish an hour and a half earlier than usual, thanks to everyone really hauling ass - apparently I wasn't the only one who wanted out now that the manager had okayed it. I rushed home to shower quickly and throw on something a little less disgusting than the ugly polo shirt and then ran back down to my car. It was starting to rain rather heavily, my window wipers battling against the downpour. The closest car park I could get to Carlisle's building was still a block or so away, and I was pretty sure that he wouldn't have taken an umbrella with him - not that it would do much good with all the wind if he had. I awkwardly scrambled into my jacket while I was sitting in the driver's seat, bruising my knuckles as I banged my hand against the door.
The short jog up the road didn't wind me like it would have used to; physically demanding work certainly had its perks. I hadn't actually been into the computer suite of the building before, and it took me a good few minutes of lost wandering until I found the right staircase. It didn't look like I expected it to; it wasn't dark and dingy and full of sweaty men who hadn't seen daylight since their childhood. Everything was clean and open, the soft lighting illuminating art-covered walls that were lined with various printers and machines. I froze in the doorway, scanning across everyone to try and find my boyfriend. I wasn't sure if I could just walk in now that I'd been bold enough to come this far. All my confidence from before had fizzled and I contemplated going back upstairs and just calling him from the lobby.
Someone nudged past me to get into the room. "Who are you after?" they asked, eyeing me. They smiled when our eyes met, and I automatically mirrored it. I told them and they grinned. "You can come in; you don't have to stand there. He's over there."
I thanked them and followed their finger when they pointed. Of course I had to go through everyone to get to him. The prospect of making him come to me was getting infinitely more attractive. I was curious to see what he was working on, though; I'd never seen anything of his printed, and he usually didn't want to show me.
I sucked it up and crossed the threshold, sneaking between the rows of chairs to get to him. He'd managed to pull on a pair of jeans, but he'd stolen one of my hoodies and his hair was a mess - my boy missed me for sure. I cautiously dropped my hand onto his shoulder, not sure if I should actually touch him while we were still where he worked. "Hey, Carlisle."
He jumped and glanced up, instantly smiling at the sound of my voice. He withheld whatever greeting he originally wanted to say, teasing me instead. "That's not what you called me on the phone, Gar."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Do you want to get out of here?" We had time to kill before I had to get Kate, and I didn't want to spend it in an office. I tried to sneak a peek at the papers on his desk, but he conveniently had a folder on top of the pile.
"Yeah; give me two minutes," he promised. He kicked out a chair for me to sit on, grabbing the front of my shirt to pull me forward for a kiss once I sat next to him. "I just have to print this. Sorry, I thought you'd be later."
I nodded, watching him fiddle with the settings on the screen. "It's fine." I was trying not to snoop but desperately wanted to see what he'd made. If nothing else, I loved how he lit up under my praise. "Will you show me?" I asked eventually.
"Uh, if you want." Distracted, he nudged the folder in my direction along the desk.
I quickly grabbed it before he could change his mind. He'd given me a portfolio of book covers and flyers, several copies of each with subtle changes, a series of drafts before the final product. "This is what you do all day?"
"Yeah, I've told you before it's boring," he told me. His face flushed a little and his hand faltered on the mouse, suddenly a little cautious.
"I didn't mean it like that, Carlisle, I'm just interested." I snuck my hand onto his leg under the desk, squeezing his thigh. The fabric was too hot; his fever obviously hadn't come down. "How are you feeling?"
"The medicine is upsetting my stomach, but I can breathe a bit better," he admitted. After another minute of battling with the computer, he hit a key and spun his chair around to face me, pulling me into a tight hug. "I really miss you, Gar."
"I miss you too," I murmured. "Do you think you can force down lunch before we have to get Katie? She'll kill us if she finds out we had treats without her." I hadn't eaten all day, and I was definitely hungry enough to be able to eat in the car. He wouldn't have eaten either, and the doctors also pressed that he needed to eat more every time they saw him.
"Lunch sounds good, if you feel okay about it." Standing, he offered me his hand to pull myself up, his arms around my waist as soon as I was in reach. It earned him a quiet whistle from one of the other workers, and he groaned and suppressed a smile. "Shut up, Pete."
The other man just snickered, pretending to focus on his computer a few desks down from us. "Whatever, C. That draft better be in my inbox," he teased, his voice muffled by his hand as he scratched his beard. "No slacking off and sneaking out for afternoon tea dates."
"I emailed you the final a few minutes ago." He was laughing now too, pulling me toward the exit to get away from him. "I'm not the one slacking."
"Yeah, yeah. Just don't breathe too deep and catch a cold out there; I don't like working on my own."
.
.
We stopped on the way to school to get some hot food, ending up back in the car with it fogging up the windows while the rain poured. "The only thing I miss about London is being able to get decent hot chips; if we ever have to go there, I'm taking you to a fish and chip shop," Carlisle told me in between mouthfuls.
"You don't like our fries?" I teased. t wasn't something he brought up very often, and I didn't like asking, but my morbid curiosity about his life in the UK had never come to an end.
He smiled and shook his head. "They're fine, but they are better back home. Better as a chip butty."
"What?" I laughed. His incredulous expression only made me laugh harder.
"Chips in bread, Garrett, jesus. We definitely have to find a fish and chip shop - you're being deprived." Leaning back against his seat, he scrambled around for a tissue to wipe his hands on, stealing my drink not long after.
I let it slide, pleased just to see him eating. "Ready to go?" I asked. Shoving our rubbish back into the bag to hide it from my niece, I started the car again, threading our fingers together across the gearbox. The closer we got to the school, the more nervous I got; the thought of losing him over some woman who I barely knew was making my stomach churn. I was frantically trying to think of a way to keep him in the car, but he beat me to it as we pulled into the school car park.
Another coughing fit made him groan and sink into his seat. "I don't think I should go into the school; I don't want to make a bunch of kids ill."
"Alright." I leaned over to kiss his cheek, handing him my drink again to try and soothe his throat. "I won't be long." My heart was pounding in my chest as I walked towards the classroom, my nerves on edge as soon as I saw Heidi. Thankfully, Kate had seen me, running to me before her teacher could get a word in. I scooped her up, grabbed her stuff, and swept her out the door toward the car. She was beyond excited to see Carlisle, scrambling through the driver's door to hug him, telling him all about her reading group or some kid nonsense. "Kate," I grumbled, not enjoying standing in the rain while I waited for her to get in the back.
It wasn't until we were driving away that I truly felt like I was in the clear. No Heidi dramas today.
.
.
By the time I got Kate back home and we got back to our apartment, Carlisle had had more than enough. He tried to be polite in his refusal to go to the supermarket when I suggested it, but was getting more and more frustrated about being away from home. I surrendered in the end; it wouldn't kill me to come back out if it meant we weren't going to fight tonight. "Why can't we just make something with what we have? It's raining and the weather sucks," he pleaded with me. He'd sat on the couch as soon as we got in the door, partially curled up under one of our throws we kept in living room. I knew he wanted me to sit with him for a while.
"You're already ill, and we don't have anything vaguely nutritious in that pantry, Carlisle," I argued, rolling my eyes. "It won't take me long. We already ate crap for lunch, anyway, we need to have a proper meal."
He groaned. "It's Friday, Gar, we can go tomorrow."
"Do you think you're magically going to feel better overnight?" I grumbled. "I'll go now, and we can just relax the rest of the weekend." I had to pause while he coughed, frowning disapprovingly as he fought to take a breath in. "And you need cough syrup; I have to go."
Suddenly too tired to resist me, he just nodded, sinking back into the pillows. "I'll make dinner then. It's only fair." Yeah right; he was going to be asleep by the time I got back.
Grabbing the TV remotes off the coffee table, I tossed them into his lap, chuckling when he jumped. "Stay there, sick boy. I'm going to be mad if I get back and you've moved." I turned to leave as he muttered his compliance. I got as far as the elevator before my phone buzzed in my pocket.
I knew just from reading the first few lines on my screen that I would be walking into a trap. She'd tried to lure me there, and I knew Heidi's excuse about Kate leaving her homework behind was bullshit. Kate was in elementary school; it held no weight anyway. Heidi didn't live far from us though, and it would only be the tiniest detour on the way to the grocery store to stop by. I was a gullible moron.
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