I hope everyone is doing well with all that is crazy in the world at the moment.
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"You know I think you're an idiot for doing this, right?"
"I'm well aware, Garrett."
I watched disapprovingly as he threw some stuff into a bag to take to Alistair's. He'd left it to the absolute last minute, and I half suspected that he wasn't all that comfortable with leaving either. We both knew he didn't do well away from home. And the weather was terrible. "You're sick, Carlisle."
"I'm much better than I was a week ago." He rolled his eyes at me, jerking the zipper on the bag shut. "Are you still going to drop me off at the airport, or are you so pissed at me that I should call a taxi?"
"I'll take you," I grumbled. "But I'm not happy about it." The next time he was close enough, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him into me. "This is going to be the first time we've been in different cities since your father…" I cut myself off. It was stupid to bring that up when he was about to leave.
"I know, but it's only for three days," he reminded me gently. "Al said it was okay if you came too; it's not like you weren't invited." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, kissing me quickly. His weight off balanced me, and I stepped back to leave against the wall to hold him there, not letting him pull away. Maybe he wouldn't leave at all if I hampered him enough and I could just keep him.
I knew I was being petty. Getting myself a plane ticket might have dampened their fun, but at least it would have stopped me going insane with worry, and I regretted not doing it now. "I'm not mad at you, Carlisle, I just don't want you to go." I kissed his throat, my fingertips edging under his shirt. "You have to text me when you land, or I'm going to go insane. I already miss you."
"It's not too late for you to come; I'll buy your ticket," he mumbled into me. He hugged me a little tighter, hiding his face in his shoulder.
"I can't; I have to work. Alistair wouldn't be that pleased about that anyway, even if he did invite me; I'm pretty sure he only made that offer because he thought it would make you more likely to come." That was exactly why, and all three of us knew it. "And someone has to stay here to look after the cat. Do you...do you actually want to go?"
"Yeah, I really want to see Al. I'm just anxious about the flight, and being away from you, and don't feel that good-"
"You just finished telling me that you were feeling better," I grumbled. "If you're sick, then you can't be thousands of feet in the air and away from home."
"I do, I do feel better. I think it's just nerves." Bullshit. He was a bad liar.
"Carlisle, what am I supposed to do if I drop you off at the airport and you pass out half way through security. If you get sick with Alistair, you're going to end up in a hospital miles from home, and there's going to be nothing either of us can do about it," I argued, squeezing him a little tighter.
"I'm not going to pass out, Gar, I'm just nervous."
"Fine," I surrendered. I buried my face in his shoulder, savouring the feeling of having him in my arms before we were apart. It was pathetic, really, but I couldn't help myself; I already hated all of this. God help me if he was gone longer than a few days.
Our drive to the airport was a quiet one. Carlisle was distracted and tense, and I didn't talk out of fear of begging him to stay. I knew he loved me enough to give in if I really pleaded, and it was taking everything I had not to do it. "Are you sure you're not mad at me?" he asked again as we drove through the airport gates.
"Yeah, of course I'm sure." My hand brushed his as I reached over the gearbox, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. I had no intention of parking and going into the building with him; I didn't want to make a scene by having a public meltdown just because I wouldn't see my boyfriend for a few days. "I love you. Be good."
He laughed, hugging me goodbye. "Remember to feed the cat, yeah?"
"I'll remember," I grumbled. I'd already set a reminder on my phone, but it wasn't like Fox wouldn't scream the house down if her dinner was late. "Call me?"
"I promise." He was out of the car before I got a chance to kiss him again.
.
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In the time we'd been together, I'd developed an inability to be alone. The noises of our house made me anxious without him, and I slept on the couch with the TV playing for the first night. Lunch with Eleazar and his family the following day helped to fill some of the void, but I was still sulking by night time. Carlisle called me like he promised, but it just made me feel worse when I could hear that something was 'off' in his voice and he refused to admit to it.
When my phone rang a few hours later, I picked it up without looking at the name, assuming it was my boyfriend and already smiling as I answered it - at least I wasn't the only one being a pain in the ass about this. Except it wasn't. It was the woman I'd been avoiding since our last conversation. I groaned at her and she huffed at my tone. "You answered it," she reminded me. "You can't be that against me, if you're still speaking to me."
"I didn't know it was you, Heidi, I wouldn't have otherwise," I grumbled back. "I've already told you, I don't want to be doing this."
"Your words and your actions say two different things, Garrett. You're fully capable of reading." She was teasing me, and I didn't like it, hugging fox against my chest as I tried to ignore it. Heidi continued before I could get a word in. "Is your boyfriend at work?"
"He works from home most of the time; what does that have to do with anything?" I snapped. Talking about him to her made me nauseous.
"Whatever. My point is, he's not home, or you wouldn't have answered the phone."
"What do you want, Heidi? I'm busy."
"Since you asked so nicely, I was thinking we could grab dinner?" The sweet note in her voice was entirely fake, and I knew I'd gotten myself into trouble already. Dinner with her sounded like my hell.
"No," I replied shortly.
"No to dinner, or no to me telling Eleazar exactly what we've been doing the past couple of months, and him inevitably telling Carlisle, and-"
"Fine, fuck, what do you want?" I groaned. "Leave me brother out of this, please. And we're not going to dinner." My calculations over whether either of them would believe anything she told them were shaky at best, though it wasn't as if she had any proof. At worst, I thought Carlisle might argue with me over it, but I was pretty sure I could convince him to forget about it while he was already preoccupied with his health issues.
"Just to talk, since you've been avoiding me. Do you want to come over?" It didn't sound like she was asking. The suggestion didn't sound all that terrible while I was entirely sure that my boyfriend couldn't catch me out. Maybe seeing her wouldn't be laced with fear this time. And I was lonely as all hell.
"Okay."
"Okay? You're not even going to play hard to get?" she laughed.
"Yes, okay. On the condition you don't say anything to Eleazar," I reiterated.
She snorted. "Honey, I'd lose my job if anyone finds out about this; just get your ass over here."
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"Do you actually plan to marry him? He's not that cute; you could do better." She'd waited until her head was between my thighs to bring it up, and I slammed my head into the headboard of her bed as I groaned at her.
"Let's just not talk about this." Pushing her onto her back, I brought my lips to her, wincing at her nails digging into my scalp. I couldn't think past touching her, past trying to get her out of the rest of her clothing, past trying to get Carlisle out of my head- Carlisle. I suddenly felt sick, pulling out of the kiss on the pretense of catching my breath. "Heidi, I think I need to stop-"
"He's not here, Garrett. Shut up and kiss me," she interrupted. "He's miles away, and you said he was with another guy anyway."
"Yeah, but he's not cheating; he's with his friend," I reminded her, the guilt growing until I wanted to cry.
She grinned at me. "You know as much of what he's doing as he does about you. It's just one night, forget about it and enjoy yourself." Her hands shifted from my hair to cup my face, forcing my lips back to her. "Please? I'm not going to tell him; he won't know as long as you keep your mouth shut."
I sighed, trying to figure out how to stop my body reacting to her touch. It was a losing battle.
.
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This was the first time I'd stayed with her long enough to think about what she expected from me once we were done. Usually, I'd have to bolt home to get back to my boyfriend, but now I had the luxury of lying next to her in bed. There were no more kisses, and certainly no cuddling. It made me miss the intimacy afterwards, and I desperately wanted someone to curl up against me, to fall asleep with arms around me. I missed being loved instead of used. I missed Carlisle. Sleeping with a woman only rubbed that in my face.
"What do you see in him?" she asked eventually as we lay in the darkness together. I had my arms folded against my chest, but she reached out for my hand.
I clenched my fist to stop her threading our fingers together. "He's so sweet; he's really good with my family, and he's got me through some of the hardest times in my life, and he's always so kind to me. We just work well together, I love him so much, and I know he loves me back."
"You really trust him to spend a whole weekend with his friend?" she frowned.
"Yeah, he's never given me a reason to doubt him. He wouldn't do that to me." Thinking about him was making me homesick. "He's a really, really good partner; I love him more than anything. I don't want him to get hurt."
Her frown deepened. "Are you going to stay tonight, or are you bailing now?"
"What do you want?" Just falling asleep was pretty appealing now, and I almost preferred to spend the night with her than being alone again.
"I think you should stay," she smiled. Fuck it.
I did stay with her. It was lunch time the next day before I remembered a fatal flaw in my plan. I sat bolt upright, already untangling myself from her silk sheets to hurry and get dressed again. "I forgot to feed the cat; Carlisle is going to kill me," I blurted out. "I have to go."
"You've got a cat? Can I come with you?" Her excitement vaguely resembled Kate's the more she thought about it, and I hated the part of me that thought it was cute. "How old is it? What's its name?" She rambled on and on, her smile growing as she scrambled out of bed after me.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "Uh, I guess so. Just don't touch anything; he's so observant that it's ridiculous."
She rolled her eyes. "I promise I won't leave fingerprints all over your apartment. I just want to see your cat." Getting dressed, she stole my sweatshirt off the floor, frowning as I winced.
"You can't wear that; it'll smell like your perfume, and he'll notice." I held my hand out for it, but she just pulled it over her head.
"I'll wash it for you," she teased. She tucked the hem of it into the waist of her skirt, and I surrendered. I would have to burn the damn thing - she'd pulled her hair up into a messy bun, but there was no way I was getting it back without a trace of her. "Come on, he's not a detective. I just want to meet your pet; besides, I've never seen your apartment, and you've been in mine plenty of times."
"She's Carlisle's cat, actually. Her name is Fox." I raked my fingers through my hair, trying to be semi-presentable before we headed outside. I just hoped none of my neighbours said anything to me about her. "I bought her for him when he was sick earlier this year, he loves her a lot; he'll slaughter me if he finds out I forgot about her." And he specifically asked me not to, like he somehow knew.
"Garrett, it's been less than twelve hours, she won't have starved to death," she giggled, using the collar of my shirt to pull me down for a quick kiss. "Come on, let's go. Are you going to freak out about me being in your car?"
"Not if you promise not to touch anything," I teased, trying not to laugh.
She rolled her eyes, pushing me lightly. "Alright, but let's get coffee on the way."
.
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Fox hated Heidi. I'd never seen her react like that to a person before. She hissed and spat and recoiled whenever she tried to touch her. My attempts to hold the cat so that she could pat her rewarded me with some deep gouges in my arms, her claws ripping into my hands as I set her down. "She's probably just hungry," I told Heidi awkwardly. Scooping a handful of biscuits into her dish, I tried to ignore the disappointment on her face.
"Well, she's cute, even if she's a pain in the ass." She flopped down on the couch before I could say anything. "Come here?"
Sighing, I sat next to her, my hand automatically landing on her thigh. "Didn't you promise not to touch anything?" I frowned. Reaching for her was automatic while she was in his position. I hated myself for it.
She planted a kiss on my cheek. "When is he back?"
"I have to pick him up from the airport tomorrow afternoon." My lips met her, slipping my hands under her shirt before I could think too much about it.
Giggling at how cold my fingers were on her waist, she lay back, using my jacket to pull me toward her, wrapping one leg around my middle. "Doesn't it annoy you, that you have to do everything for him? I mean, isn't it gross, that you have to deal with him puking all the time? He's an adult; you should make him look after himself." She'd gotten too hung up on that when I'd vented about it in the car, but she didn't seem to realise that I was worried rather than frustrated.
"I don't...I'm worried about him. I just wish he would feel better," I hedged.
"He can't be that sick if he can handle a flight just for a birthday party," she continued.
"Carlisle's not faking it, Heidi. He looks sick, and he runs a fever whenever he's not feeling well. Besides, I'd know about it if he was putting his fingers down his throat," I grumbled. "I love him more than anything."
"Whatever, I still think you could do better than him. Can I stay the night? We can order pizza, since you're so opposed to going out." Catching my hesitance, she added: "You worry too much; he can't burst in the door and catch us if you're his ride home."
.
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I should have drawn the line at having that woman in our bed. It was all too easy to fall asleep with her in my arms. It wasn't quite as comfortable as it was with Carlisle, her hair getting in my face whenever I dared to shift from the small space of the mattress that she didn't occupy, but it was kind of nice all the same. My phone violently vibrating against woke us both up the next morning.
I was too nervous to reject the call. Rolling away from Heidi, I all but begged her to shut up so I could answer it, ignoring her huff and rolling her eyes. I retreated into the kitchen just on the off chance that she wasn't about to play nice. "Hey, Al." I tried to keep my voice light, but I was entirely focused on her whereabouts down the hallway. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, no. You've got to take that boy to a doctor as soon as he gets off that damn plane," he grumbled. The stress was obvious in his voice, and I wondered if he and Carlisle had been arguing.
"God, what's wrong now? He promised me that he was feeling better before he left," I groaned. "This is getting ridiculous, Al, it never ends."
"He's been miserable the whole time he's been here and trying to hide it from me, but he's a bad liar and a worse actor. Don't let him tell you he's fine; it's bullshit."
"I'll, um, talk to him," I promised awkwardly. Heidi had appeared in the doorway, frowning at me for abandoning her to the cold air as I scrambled out of bed. I shook my head at her, earning myself another eye roll.
"Don't talk to him, just make him go. Don't give him an option," he grumbled.
"He's not a child, Alistair, I can't hold him against his will," I reminded him.
"Sure you can; he'll do whatever you ask him to."
Seeing her creeping closer, I freaked out a little bit, trying to get him off the phone. "Okay, fine, but I have to go. I'll get him to call you later." I turned my back to her once she was in arms reach, my heart racing as I tried to figure out how I was going to explain myself if she said anything. A sigh of relief escaped as I hung up the phone. "Heidi, I have to take you home; I need to clean up before I have to get him."
"You mean, you want to erase the evidence of me ever existing," she corrected, annoyed.
"That's a little dramatic. Let's get dressed; you can take that sweatshirt." It was enough to get her to shut up and go and get her shit, thank god.
.
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Our drive back to her place was rather uncomfortable. She was upset that I was kicking her out so early, and I was trying to calculate everything I had to do to scrub her out of our apartment before Carlisle got home. Her coaxing to get me inside with her didn't hold any appeal while I was so focused on how little time I'd left to dig myself out of this hole.
I vacuumed every inch of the apartment and car, trying to remove any possible trace of her. The pizza boxes from the night before were buried so deep in the trash bag that they'd never see the light of day, and I'd washed and dried the glasses we'd used so they wouldn't be sitting on the bench. I changed the sheets on the bed and straightened up the longue, hoping that he wouldn't find the tidiness weird. Thank god Fox couldn't talk to dob me in.
And then I was late. I'd never driven so fast to the airport, cursing at every red light as I struggled to come up with an excuse which didn't make me an asshole. Luckily, the flight had been delayed, and my risky parking meant that I'd still managed to get there before he did. The awkward balancing act had already begun. I almost wasn't looking forward to having him back now.
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By the time he stumbled through the arrival gates, he looked like he'd been through hell. I took his bag out of his hand, catching his hip. "How was the flight?" I frowned. "I didn't think you were going to make it out in one piece." He barely had, by the look of him. His hair was a mess, his face was hot, and he looked like he hadn't slept since he left.
He groaned, somehow managing to smile. "The turbulence was really bad. I missed you, Gar." He wrapped his arms around my neck, burying his face in my shoulder. Falling into me, he let me hug him to my chest. "I have to go to the bathroom."
My heart was still pounding as I slipped my arms around his waist. "You don't want to wait until we get home?" The restrooms here were disgusting, and it really wasn't going to be pleasant for him. Less pleasant than usual.
"I'm really nauseous, I think I'm going to throw up," he mumbled. He looked nervous and upset, but I wrote it off as exhaustion and not feeling well.
"Alright, come on." I gently steered him in the right direction, ushering him forward and hoping he'd make it. He was getting a bit too pale, his hand pressed against his stomach, and I was worried he was going to faint. "You really shouldn't have gone to Al's, huh?"
He shook his head. "Bad idea," he whispered back. The closer we got, the more desperate he looked, his hand moving to cover his mouth. He was suddenly pulling away from me, rushing as soon as the bathrooms were in sight.
I sighed and sat down on one of the benches to wait for him. Invading his privacy wasn't going to end well in public; he was already embarrassed. I people-watched to pass the time until he came back, playing with my phone as I waited. It seemed like forever before he appeared again. "Come here, you look horrible," I sighed, holding out my hand to him as he approached.
He sat next to me when I didn't stand up, needing comfort and wanting to double over anyway. "I hate this; I'm such an idiot," he murmured. "I just wanted to see Alistair and pretend it was alright for a bit, but I feel worse, and…"
"You're home now." I kissed his temple, my free hand rubbing his thigh as he held my other one. "Alistair called me this morning and said you weren't well."
Sighing, he was quiet for a while. My suggestion that we should get out to the car was met with hesitance, and his attempt at standing quickly ended with him slipping back into the seat. He mumbled something to me, his voice too muffled as he leaned forward for me to understand. "Gar, I think I need to go to the hospital; I'm really not okay," he forced out eventually.
It made me feel a little cold, that he wanted to go; he usually reacted pretty viscerally to the suggestion. "What'd you mean?" I asked, crouching in front of him so I could see his face. "Are you in pain?"
Nodding anxiously, he had his jaw clenched so tightly it had to have made his teeth ache. "It's really, really bad, I thought I was going to pass out on the plane, and I didn't think I was going to be able to get through security, and I threw up blood before, and…" He trailed off, his fingers coming up to brush the collar of my shirt, fixating on it. Whatever he was feeling didn't seem so important to him all of a sudden. "Who were you with before you got here?" he asked slowly.
"No one, Carlisle, don't be silly," I chided, my throat tight as I caught his hand, pulling it away from my neck in what I hoped he would read as affection.
He ripped his hand from mine. "Don't lie to me."
Confused about the sudden turn of events and feeling a little ill myself, I swallowed hard before I answered. "You're paranoid; let's get you in the car so we can get going. Can you walk?" My attempt at distracting him didn't get me very far.
"Paranoia doesn't leave lipstick on your collar. Don't fucking lie to me," he spat back, quickly working himself up. His voice was way too loud for the crowd we were in, and people were turning to stare at us. He shoved me back when I attempted to hug him again, eyes welling with tears. "I've been gone for three days, Garrett, are you fucking kidding me?"
My stomach sank through the floor. "Please don't yell at me in the middle of an airport, we can talk about it in the car," I told him as steadily as I could muster. I didn't need the whole world to know I was a piece of shit.
"Fine." His fingernails dug into my wrist as he struggled to his feet, squeezing so hard that my fingers tingled. His determination started to dissolve by the time we reached the exit. He'd let me go, his arms around his middle as he got paler and paler. The uneven concrete in the foyer tripped him while he wasn't paying attention, and I grabbed the back of his jacket to stop him hitting the ground.
"Are you going to pass out?" I frowned.
He tried to shrug me off, shaking his head. "I can't believe you; did you plan this? Is that why you wouldn't come with me? Because you wanted to see her?" His outburst was punctuated by short gasps for breath, the colour getting further and further from his cheeks as he tried to keep walking.
"Carlisle, come on, I'm trying to help you." Again, my hands were rejected. I accidently made eye contact with a couple we walked past, the man offering a grim smile and a sympathetic nod. It brought on another wave of guilt; I knew that it looked like Carlisle was being irrational, and I wasn't sure whether I preferred it that way. "I didn't plan any of this, let's just-"
"Really? Because it sure as fuck looks planned to me," he shot back. His pace had slowed considerably now, and we weren't really making progress toward the car. There was no way he was going to make it at this pace - he was going to end up on the ground.
"I get that, but I promise it wasn't. Do you still want to go to the hospital?" I had hoped that mentioning it again might trigger him enough to give up on berating me in public.
"What good is a promise, Garrett? How am I supposed to trust you after that?" he exploded. "How long has this been happening- did you fuck her in our bed?" The trembling turned to shaking, and the shaking drove him to leaning against the wall, struggling to keep himself upright.
I didn't know what to tell him for a few seconds, but he wasn't listening to me anymore anyway. The next time he said my name, it was more a whimper, a plea almost. I sighed, fully expecting to be yelled at again as I closed my hands around his shoulders. "Look, I know you're pissed, but I really think we need to shelve this argument until you've had some pain killers, yeah? You can scream at me as much as you like once you've had some morphine or something."
Thankfully, he nodded. He kept his mouth shut about it until we got to the car, but he hesitated as I unlocked it. "Was she in here as well?" he demanded suddenly.
"What difference does it make where she has or hasn't been?" Seeing the look on his face, I knew it was redundant to convince him that it didn't matter. "No, I didn't screw her in the car. I'm sorry, Carlisle, please just get in so we can deal with whatever is happening with you first."
The need to sit down outweighed anything else. He fell into the car, refusing to look at me and resting his forehead against his knees. We sat in silence, and I watched the carpark out the window for so long the tension in the car swelled to the point that I couldn't breathe.
I sighed. "Put your seatbelt on," I told him eventually. The hospital would get us out of this vehicle, at least.
He didn't move, like he didn't hear me. The stiffness in his shoulders proved that he was listening though.
"Put your seatbelt on so we can get out of here," I repeated, reaching over to do it for him when he still didn't react. Great; now he was pissed, ill, and a child.
This time he violently slapped my hand away, leaving my skin stinging and red. "Don't fucking touch me!" His words hung heavy in the air. He still didn't do up the damn seatbelt.
"Well, do you want to sit in the carpark all night?" I yelled back, cracking. That last sentence had sent a jolt through me and my throat was tight. "Put your fucking seatbelt on!"
He did, thank god. He managed to do it with more of an attitude that I appreciated, but considering the circumstances I couldn't pull him up on it. "Who is she?"
"How is telling you that going to make this any better, Carlisle?" I groaned. I really, really didn't want him to know; I trusted him not to do anything stupid, but somehow I was sure it was going to make things even worse between us.
"Do I know her?" he pushed again. The idling of the car as I turned it on made him bite his lip, and he slipped his hand under his seatbelt to stop it constricting him every time I braked. He leaned his head against the window, his shoulders slumping as he gave up.
I shook my head, preparing to be screamed at again. "Can we talk about this, or are you just going to-"
"What the hell is there to talk about?" he snapped. At least he'd lowered his voice.
Point taken.
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