Work has been absolutely crazy, but I'm back, hopefully!
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"Uncle Garrett!"
"Hey, kiddo." I picked her up as Kate launched herself at me, struggling to hold her weight suddenly. She'd gotten a lot bigger over the last year, almost seven, and I felt it every time I saw her.
She shoved a paper flyer in my face, hurriedly unfolding it to show me. "Will you and Carlisle come? Mum and dad said I can't ask you."
I pulled my head back so that I could see what she was holding. It was an ad for her school's recital in a few days, and I repressed a groan. "I'll be there, Kate," I promised. The piece of paper looked like it had been screwed up and smoothed out several times, like she'd dug it out of the trash after Carmen had told her not to involve me and my boyfriend and tried to hide it from her.
"Carlisle too?" she pressed.
"Uh, I'll ask him." Not today though. Despite not being able to get him to admit it, I knew he was worked up about me getting my niece from school this afternoon, after what had gone down last time, but my nerves had lessened once I'd seen Heidi in her place at the front of the class - if she was there, she wasn't harassing him. I'd left him asleep in bed, and hoped he would stay that way. It wasn't like he'd ever come anyway.
"Can we go see the kitten?" She held onto the sleeve of my jacket as we walked across the road to the car, squinting into the rain as it pelted our faces.
"Not today. Let's go and get icecream." I hurried her down the street to get out of the weather, relieved that she was easily compliant now that I'd promised her treats. The break from the tension at home was nice too.
I ended up dragging her around a department store with me while I picked up some supplies, listening to her stories about the other children at school whose names I couldn't keep track of. It was nice having someone unconditionally pleased to see me - even Fox was being lukewarm at home. She rattled on, and I bought the treats that she pointed out that she liked, more than willing to spoil her while she was happily keeping me company. It didn't escape my notice that she was a little jealous of the baby now she wasn't an only child. This time together was good for both of us.
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"Did you get lost on the way over here, Garrett?" Carmen asked as she opened the door for us. We were a few hours late, and she clearly wasn't too pleased to see me.
"We got snacks," I told her sheepishly. "Sorry, I did text Eleazar."
"Snacks, huh?" she frowned, eyeing the bag. Kate pushed past both of us to kick off her shoes and charge inside to escape the cold, and her mother called after her to slow down before she looked back at me. "Do you want to come in for dinner?" she asked.
"Thanks, Carmen, but I think I'd better go home."
Her hand hovered on the door. "How are things with Carlisle?"
I swallowed. "Uh, up and down. His health is getting worse, and he's still upset with me, obviously. I think he's trying, though. We both are."
"It should be him you're sucking up to with treats, you know." Turning back to the house, she called out; "Kate, come and say thank you to uncle Garrett!"
The child bowled into my shins two seconds later. "Thanks uncle Garrett," she said obediently.
"See you tomorrow, Kate," I sighed, patting her shoulder.
"Garrett, I don't know if you should be picking her up anymore, as much as I appreciate it," Carmen said slowly.
"Because of Heidi," I guessed, awkwardly scratching the back of my head. The thought of ruining my relationship with my family and with Carlisle was killing me, but not seeing my niece every day was going to sting as well. "I'm done with her, Carmen, I promise. I'm trying to work things out with Carlisle, and I'm not going to screw things up with him again."
"I can't imagine he's pleased that you're still seeing her every day."
"I'm not seeing her, I'm picking up Kate," I argued hotly.
"You need some distance; none of this is going to blow over well if he feels like he can't trust you and you're still coming face to face with the woman you had an affair with on a regular basis. It's got to make him feel like crap," she grumbled. It wasn't like they'd ever had a strong relationship, but her defense of him wasn't shocking to me; they'd spend enough time together for her to like him more than she did me.
"I don't think it bothers him that much-"
"He wouldn't tell you if it did," she snapped. "You're going to have to learn to be a little more sensitive, Garrett. You can't expect him to be open with you after you hurt him."
It was still raining, water soaking into the back of my shirt as we faced each other on the doorstep. "How are we supposed to get better if he won't tell me anything?" I grumbled back.
"Figure it out; he's got enough on his plate as it is, if he's as sick as you say he is."
"What am I supposed to do with him?"
"Be nice. Whatever he needs from you, give it to him."
"I'm trying; I don't know what he needs, Carmen, he's all over the place."
"I'm not sure what to tell you; just be gentle with him," she insisted.
Gentle. Right.
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I thought about what she'd said on the way home. I could barely see through the windscreen because of the water pouring down it, my wiper blades struggling. The wind was amping up too, pushing my vehicle as I tried to drive. She was right; he was clearly quite ill - more than physically. I didn't have much experience when depression, but I was sure that was what he was struggling with. I did need to be nicer. And not to argue with him when he got upset. It wasn't like I hadn't brought all this down on my own head.
Chewing my lip, I parked the car, tucking my jacket around myself before clambering out of the car. I dashed into a coffee shop to pick us up both hot drinks, pleased to see they still had some of the cookies he liked left, grabbing a bunch of flowers from the stall next door. The store was mostly empty with everyone trying to get home in the storm, and it didn't take long for my order to be ready. I was absolutely drenched by the time I got back in the driver's seat.
The traffic was insane, everyone rushing home from work to beat the storm that was brewing, and there was already a weather warning on the radio. I had to wait fifteen minutes just to find a parking space semi-close to our apartment. I fumbled with the keys at the front door, juggling the bags of groceries in my arms to reach for the lock, when it swung open for me.
Carlisle took some of the bags from me, ignoring the pain the weight must have caused, and dumped them on the bench. His arms were around me seconds later, much to my confusion. He was shaking, his breaths fast and panicky, and he was squeezing me so tightly my ribs ached.
"Hey," I murmured cautiously. Awkward, I stroked his shoulder, trying to figure out what the fuck he was doing. "Are you-"
"Caius is getting out- they're letting him out on parole," he burst out, his words muffled but not really disguising how anxious he was.
My fingertips felt cold. "What? Carlisle, he just got sentenced, they're not going to do that. What are you talking about?"
"He appealed, and the court granted it. They sent me a letter." His voice broke, and he pulled back a little, suddenly remembering that he didn't like me all that much. It wasn't until he shifted away and I got a good look at him that I caught sight of the plasters that hadn't been there this morning, the deep purple of fresh bruising coming out across his skin.
"What happened to you?" I caught his arm, frowning.
"I got scared, and I thought I'd feel better if I went to work, but I got so dizzy on the stairs, and I think I tripped," he explained quickly. "He's going to kill me, Garrett; he knows where we live, and I ruined his life."
"You still have a restraining order, he can't come near you," I reminded him. "Are you hurt? That all looks terrible."
"A little. I just- I can't handle this, Gar, I don't know what to do…" He looked like he was going to collapse, or cry, and I wasn't sure what was going to happen first.
"Sit down while I unpack," I suggested. With my hand in the small of his back, I guided him toward the table, but he resisted.
"Garrett, I-"
"He's not going to burst in the door while we're standing in our kitchen, Carlisle." Seeing the look on his face, and really, really not wanting to argue with him, I met him halfway. I nudged him back against the bench and lifted him slightly, making it easy for him to slide back onto it. "I got you something." Forcing a smile, I passed him the disposable coffee cup and bag of cookies in hopes of distracting him a little.
"Thanks," he said softly. He still looked like he was about to cry.
I touched his knee. "You have a restraining order; he can't touch you."
"A piece of paper isn't going to stop him." He squeezed his hands around the cup, taking a sip of the coffee to hide his expression from me.
I shoved a few things into the cupboard, watching him trying to stall a meltdown while I unpacked the bags. "We can get a deadbolt for the door," I said quietly. "And we can get you some mace."
"I can't deal with this," he whispered. Swallowing, he was barely holding back tears. "Did you see Heidi today?"
"I mean, she was there; I saw her from a distance- don't freak out; I didn't speak to her. I didn't go within 20 feet of her, and-" My heart sank as he dissolved, his shoulder slumping. I quickly pulled him into another hug, trying not to enjoy the feeling of him leaning against me too much. "Carlisle, come here. It's going to be okay. I know it's a lot, but we'll figure it out. Carmen doesn't want me picking up Kate anymore anyway, so you don't need to worry about Heidi-"
"I don't care about Heidi right now; I'm sick, and Caius is going to murder me, and I can't leave the house without hurting myself but I don't feel safe here anymore," he cried to me.
I didn't know what to say to soothe him. I just held him, abandoning the unpacking for the time being.
"Can you stay here tonight? Please? Please don't leave me alone."
"I'll be here," I promised. I kissed his temple, smoothing his shirt down his back.
He winced as I traced the notches of his spine. Suddenly his hands were in my hair, pulling me down and roughly bringing our lips together. My hands drifted to grasp his hips, pulling him toward me as his knees squeezed either side of my waist, his fingertips weaving through the ends of my hair at the nape of my neck.
"What the hell was that about?" I asked as I pulled back to catch my breath.
"I just needed to make sure that still felt good," he whispered back.
"And does it?" I swallowed nervously, my forehead resting against his.
He lightly brushed his lips against mine again. "Yeah, it does."
Reaching up, my thumb grazed across his cheek, our next kiss far more gentle than the first, his fingers softening against my scalp. "I miss you."
"I don't know what to do," he said again.
"For tonight, let me make us dinner, and maybe we can watch a movie?" I suggested. "You can pick."
"That sounds nice actually. I can help cook-"
"Absolutely not." I reluctantly peeled his hands off of me to step back. "I got you something." Handing him the flowers once he had freed one hand, I watched his face for any sign that this was too much - despite the fact that he had just kissed me. He'd need the pickmeup after the day he'd had.
"Thanks, Gar," he smiled. "These are the biscuits from down the road?"
"Yeah, the ones you like." Catching his hand, I kissed the back of his fingers.
"What's all this about?" he asked carefully.
I hesitated. "You said the other day that you don't feel like I love you, and I don't want you to feel like that anymore."
He looked down, picking at his fingers around the stems. "Thanks."
"That storm is looking pretty bad; you okay if you're stuck with me all weekend?" No matter how hard I tried to be lighthearted, the question was loaded; if he asked me to leave, I couldn't guarantee I'd be able to get to him if something happened. This whole Caius thing was throwing a spanner in the works too - he could defend himself now even less than he could the first time.
"Please stay," he said again. He tried to smile as I passed him a vase, blushing a little as he stuck the flowers in it. "How was your day?"
"Busy," I admitted with a sigh. "It's been flat-out at work lately, and then Kate really wanted to come over here and see the cat, but she calmed down after I brought her ice cream. Carmen is on your side, by the way; I'm scared she'll smother me while I sleep for hurting you if I stay over there again." I was only half teasing.
"Which cookies do you want?" he asked.
"They're for you, baby. I don't want them." God knows, I would eat whatever he didn't.
"My doctor said I need to start gaining weight, but I can't. Nothing is working," he mumbled suddenly.
"You should have said; being chubby is my expertise," I teased him, ignoring his frown. "It's a good thing I brought dessert home with me, huh?"
Ha paused, nervously wringing his hands in his lap. "Garrett...I'm sorry I've been so hostile since you've come home. I know I'm difficult to live with, but it really got in my head that Heidi was a woman- not that she was a woman, I mean that your, uh, you chose a woman, and she could give you so much I can't, and I guess I'm jealous-"
"Wait, stop, you're jealous of Heidi?" I asked incredulously. "Carlisle, why?"
"Because she's perfect; she's every guy's dream, isn't she?" he mumbled. "And I'm awkward and nothing fits me anymore, and I'm covered in bruises now, and I can't do anything, and-"
"I love you. Don't feel like that; I love everything about you, she was nothing but a mistake." Suddenly overwhelmed with a wave of sadness, I reached for his hand again.
He let me lace our fingers together. "I really want to be able to work on things with you, but I don't know if I can," he said softly. Fighting the urge to cry, he couldn't look at me, nibbling his lip instead.
"What if we start again?"
"What'd you mean?"
"You said you feel like I'm a stranger now, and you can't trust me anymore; let me make it up to you," I suggested. "We can start again; we can date again for a while, and if you decide that you still can't stand me, then we'll, uh, I guess we'll be over..." My sentence trailed off, the thought of it hurting my chest. I was already compiling a list of things we could do together in my head.
He thought about it for a moment. "Okay," he said eventually. "But Garrett, I can't do anything at the moment-"
"I don't care, I'll make it work," I promised.
"Are you sure?" Somehow, he was making it seem like he'd been the one to do something terrible, like he should be grovelling to me.
"Are you sure?" I slowly reached up to thread my fingers through his hair, brushing it back.
He nodded slowly. "I think so."
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The storm was getting worse and worse. My mother called me late on Friday night, anxious about flooding and wanting me to help her and dad board down the property. Immediately after the phone call, I knew agreeing had been a mistake; I couldn't leave Carlisle by himself for an entire day, not while he was in this state. Even if he wasn't hadn't, I didn't trust him. There was nothing else for it. "I need you to come to my parent's place with me."
There was a few second pause as he tried to comprehend it. "Garrett, you can't take our ex-boyfriend to your parent's house. They're going to kill me."
"Well, I can't leave you here," I reasoned. "And, um, I never told them about us. They don't know." It was awkward, heat creeping up my neck as his face flushed pink.
"You want me to pretend nothing happened?" He didn't sound pleased, but he wasn't outright rejecting the idea either.
"Not exactly," I said slowly. "We just don't have to mention it; I don't expect you be okay with me, and I won't kiss you or do anything you don't want, but its got to be better than the alternative?" Seeing the look on his face, I back down a little. "Or, you could stay here, or course, but you've got to promise me that you're safe for that long, that you're not going to do anything silly. And I'm going to be three hours away, Carlisle, if you need help, you're going to have to call for paramedics-"
"I'll come," he interrupted.
I smiled, too pleased about it. I suddenly couldn't wait to spend a few hours in the car with him, letting myself hope he might tolerate me holding his hand for a while. "We'll have to leave early, is that okay?"
"Early is fine." He flopped down next to me on the couch with a groan, folding his legs under himself and resting his head back against it.
"Can you bring yourself to relax enough to watch a movie with me?" I asked, only half teasing.
"Yeah; I feel like I've been hit by a truck," he mumbled. "It hurts to move."
I swallowed. "Do you want a hug?"
"Um...y-yeah, that'd be nice, actually." Shuffling a little closer, he relaxed against my side, tucking himself under my arm.
"Today has been shit, huh?" I leaned my cheek against the top of his head before I could stop myself.
He nodded, his hand drifting to tease my chest.
I folded my hands over his, rubbing gently. "Sorry."
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We woke up early the next morning. Carlisle was barely conscious as I crashed around the apartment making coffee and breakfast for the drive, despite my urging him to move. I dug out as much wet weather gear as I could, throwing jackets and boots into a bag, along with a couple of dry changes of clothes for us after the work was done - driving home soaked and muddy would be a bit of a buzz kill. I dressed in thick jeans and an old, semi-waterproof jacket, hoping to deter any debris from digging into my skin while we barricaded the property.
He didn't have the same idea. When he finally pulled himself out of bed, he'd pulled a thin hoodie over the t-shirt he'd worn to bed, still wearing sweatpants and the same pair of knock-off converse he normally did. "What?" he groaned at me when he caught my glance. "I'm well past the point of trying to impress your parents, Garrett, I don't want to get changed."
"I wasn't going to ask you to," I assured him. "You're not planning on working outside with us like that though, right?"
"I would love to help your parents, but I really can't, Gar," he told me softly. "Sorry."
"I know, I wasn't going to push you into that either. I just don't want you to catch a cold." I grabbed another coat out of the closet, watching him fidgeting his sleeves into place to cover the bandages, becoming agitated when the fabric was still tight around his wrists. "They're not going to notice, Carlisle. Put this on." I dropped the item of clothing around his shoulder, smiling grimly as he drowned in the fabric. It hid the extra padding under his sleeves, though. "They'll probably hug you, though; be careful they don't knock your stomach - I never told them about that either." It felt like I was hiding half my life from them at this point.
He nodded but didn't say anything, quiet as we got the last few things together before we left. "Is it okay if I drive? I'm already nauseous, and I think I'll get sick otherwise," he asked, catching the sleeve of my jacket in his fingertips before we stepped out of the building. "Please?"
Frowning, I passed him the keys. "Yeah. You're not going to pass out behind the wheel though, right?"
"No, I just don't want to puke in the car."
I nodded. The drive sucked for him normally, and I knew it was going to take him forever to navigate over the winding hills, but it was definitely preferable than needing to stop every half an hour because he felt ill. I tried to hand him a toasted sandwich wrapped in tinfoil as he pulled out of the driveway, setting our thermos of coffee in the center console between us, but he shook his head.
"Thanks, but you have it," he mumbled.
"Are you feeling that sick already?" I groaned. "We've only just left the driveway, Carlisle."
"I'm not taking any chances." The rain pounded the windscreen, and I wondered how much of the road he could actually see. We had barely made it out of town when he reached forward to fiddle with the air conditioning, turning the heating up despite the fact it was already warm in the car. "It's fucking freezing; are you not cold?" he asked me when I grumbled about it.
"No, I'm fine. You're going to roast us both, though." It was boring being a passenger - I couldn't see much through the rain, and I found myself fidgeting with the interior of the car to keep my hands busy, seeming as I couldn't hold his. I picked at the seams of my seat and my jeans, eventually surrendering to the urge to watch him in the rear-vision mirror.
His cheeks were pink, his hair starting to stick to his face as his skin became clammy. His attempt to push it away with the back of his palm wasn't successful at all. Still shivering, it hadn't slowed any with the increase of heat. And he was driving unbearably slowly. He caught my glance.
"Carlisle, I know you're freaking out, but you can drive above 40 miles an hour," I chuckled, rolling my eyes at his white knuckles on the steering wheel. "It's going to take hours at the rate."
"I know- I know, but its- your parents are going to kill me." Somehow, he managed to slow down even further, his brief glance away from the road at me desperate.
"They don't know, Carlisle," I reminded him.
"But I'm a bad actor, and I don't feel good, and I'm going to slip up," he argued. His fingernails dug into the steering wheels.
"Then we can tell them. It'll be me they're upset with anyway." I reached over to pat his thigh, our eyes meeting in the mirror again. "Let me drive; we're never going to get there at this pace."
"I really don't want to complain all the time, Garrett, but I'll get sick; my stomach hurts already." He slowed a little, clearly considering it.
"Please. I'll stop if you can't handle it." It felt like we were talking about something more serious than a car trip, but he was still being unreasonably nervous about it.
"Okay. But please don't be annoyed at me when-"
"I'm not going to get mad if we have to stop. It's fine." I sighed in relief as he pulled over, far more at home after we'd swapped seats. "Thanks, you were killing me."
"This weather sucks," he complained. "It rained at home, but not like this."
"How long is it going to be before you stop calling London 'home'?" As soon as the question was out of my mouth, I hated myself for calling him out on it.
"I don't know," he mumbled. "I guess when I stop getting homesick."
"That's still happening, huh?"
"It's worse without you."
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