All of my brother's snarky attitude dissolved once his daughter was one stage. The lights had dimmed around us, all focused on the children twirling around in front of us. Mom was filming it with her fossil of a cell phone, as were most of the parents in the crowd, and they'd all quickly forgotten about Carlisle and I. I glanced at him as I realised there hadn't been any contact between us since we'd sat down.
My anxieties cleared once I saw what he was doing. He'd taken out his phone as well, leaning over to whisper to me once he'd caught me watching him. "Your mother isn't actually recording."
I took a closer look at her screen before realising he was right; she'd pulled up her archaic camera, but hadn't activated it as she pointed it in Kate's direction. "Are you alright?" I whispered back.
"Hold my phone? My hands are shaky." He passed me the device, and I kept it pointing at my niece as I stole a glance at him to make sure he was telling the truth as he nodded. He did look okay. Tired, if a little pale. Less uncomfortable now he wasn't holding his arm up.
It was near the end of the performance when her pixelated face appeared on the screen. I'd been watching my niece prance around the stage, slip-on wings bobbing on her back, when she'd moved out from behind a curtain. My blood ran cold and I immediately checked Carlisle again. Oblivious. Of course he didn't have a clue what she looked like. I didn't think she'd seen me. Or at least, she hadn't reacted if she did. Maybe she just didn't care.
I couldn't help but throw nervous glances at her every couple of minutes, just to keep track of her. As soon as Kate's class was ushered off, I passed my boyfriend's phone back, turning to him as he mumbled to me about needing some air over the applause. I was more than happy to get out of there. "Let's go outside for a couple of minutes."
He nodded. He slid out of his seat in front of me, and I held his hand as we snuck toward the exit. "I'm alright," he started to explain as soon as we were through the doors. "I'm just queasy, and it's hot in there, and-"
"It's fine, Carlisle," I assured him. The wind was whipping the heat out of us, but his face still looked warm, burning when I fixed his shirt collar as an excuse to touch him.
"She's there, isn't she?" he asked suddenly. He'd folded his arms, then winced as his sleeves rubbed against his skin, dropping his posture again. "Heidi? You saw her."
"Uh, yeah. She, um, didn't even look at me, I think it's okay. What happened to your arms?" I pressed. His nurses were going to kill me. He hadn't been out of my sight, and he'd still-
"It's just the allergy, Garrett, it burns. I haven't...not again."
"Show me." I grabbed his hand without waiting for his permission, ignoring the jolt that ran through him as I pushed up his jacket. The bandages were gone, only the dressing remaining, and it didn't look like he'd tampered with it. He was right though; the hives had spread, angry and irritated as his clothing rubbed against them.
He ripped his arm away. "Jesus, stop it. Why can't you trust me when I say-"
"Because the last time I trusted you, you hurt yourself. If you want me to believe you, then I need to know the truth about what's going on without having to dig at you all the time," I snapped back. I'd been too harsh, quickly working to soften my tone as he bristled away from me. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried; I need you to be safe." Catching his chin, I leaned over to kiss his forehead, wondering how far he'd let me go while we were standing in a school carpark and I desperately wanted my arms around him.
"I know, I...I need you to stop forcing me to...it's invasive," he mumbled at the tarceal. He remained ridgid at my attempt to hold him until I awkwardly stopped it.
"I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"My whole situation right now is uncomfortable."
"Do you want to go home?" Kate's part was over now - we'd stayed long enough to fulfill our promises to her, and the doctors hadn't given us a strict time that he needed to be back, seeming as I had his medication with me. I wasn't entirely happy with the idea; there was no guarantee I could keep him safe once he was back somewhere familiar, locked cupboard or not.
His face fell. "No, I'm not ready to go back yet. I'm fine."
"Home, Carlisle. Home, home. Not the hospital." My fingers brushed his shoulder, drifting to his back when he didn't shy away this time.
He still shook his head. "I think we should stay until this is over."
"Don't worry about Eleazar," I reminded him. "You saw how excited my parents were."
"About a wedding that isn't happening," he grumbled. "They're not going to want anything to do with me when they inevitably find out."
A heavy sigh escaped. "Let me take you home."
"We should stay. Please?" He was rubbing through his sleeve, trying to soothe the stinging as he pleaded with me.
"This is making you anxious?" I threaded my fingers through his. Kidding myself it was to stop the motion before he turned the welts into wounds.
He swallowed. "I've been part of a family for the first time in my life; I'm anxious about losing that. It's already started with your brother."
I appreciated his honesty, even if it was in the middle of a carpark with children singing in the background. "Alright. Do you need a drink to settle your stomach before we sit down again?"
"Yes, please."
.
.
We made it another hour in the hall, to the end of the kid's performances, before things started to unravel. Carmen had brought Kate back to us as we stood to the side near the exit, and my heart was pounding out of my chest as it drew Heidi's attention to us. She strode with purpose over to us. I realised with a jolt that Carlisle had picked her out. I had no idea how, but he definitely knew who she was as soon as she'd appeared in his line of sight. My sister inlaw looked between us as the woman came to a stop beside her, praising my niece as I shivered and my boyfriend seethed.
She introduced herself to my parents and him, her nails digging into the back of his palm as they shook hands. I wondered for a moment if he was about to vomit on her. "I've heard so much about you," she said sweetly, everyone chuckling besides Carmen, my partner and I. "It's nice to finally put a face to the name."
He held his tongue and gave her a very forced smile.
There was an awkward pause. I was sweating bullets. Mom stepped in to save us all, talking about the kids, the show, her teaching career, her training, anything and everything. I tried to figure out what I'd ever seen in her, why I would have ever traded Carlisle for her. She may have been pretty, but she was repulsive. She lingered far too long, even after my parents got tired of her and went to sit down, still lurking when Carmen led Kate to the playground.
She was right beside him now. In between him and Eleazar. He stepped closer to me to widen the gap, only for her to casually take a step in his direction. Her arm brushed his sleeve, her fingers trailing along his arm as she complemented his jacket. He flinched so violently he tripped into me as she only became more invasive. I slipped my arm around his shoulders as his eyes locked on mine, silently pleading with me to make her stop it. "Don't touch me," he told her tightly.
"What's the matter, Cullen, have you never been touched by a woman before?" she teased. She shouldn't have known his last name. He hadn't told her, and it certainly hadn't come up in conversation. I couldn't believe this was happening on school property.
"That's enough, Heidi," I warned lowly. I hated that my brother was watching all of this, but she wasn't going to relent, and he was going to have a panic attack if she didn't back up. Already he was hyperventilating. Maybe he just needed to sit outside for a while again. My stomach churned.
She didn't heed me, just giggling and rolling her eyes. "You're a graphic designer, right?" She continued to recite his company's address, making sure to meet my eye as she did so.
"I don't work there anymore," he lied, his breath catching slightly. Another step into my side only drew her closer. "We should go, Garrett? I need to sit down." He glanced up at me, but I wouldn't look away from her, feeling his hand in my pocket as he reached for the car keys. I automatically held his wrist in case he planned on kniving her with them. My heart was going to beat out of my chest.
"Yes, you do." She narrowed her eyes. "I see your ads posted all the time. You know, the spread of flyers you've been publishing recently."
"I-I don't publish anything, the company-"
"The one you don't work for?" she grinned. "Shouldn't you be at the hospital? Room 11 on ward 4? I wouldn't want to be out in public with an immune deficiency, if I were you. Especially around children - who knows what you could catch."
"I don't have-"
"Yes, you do," she repeated, interrupting, irritated now. "Do you think you caught it when you were screwing your old manager?"
"I've reported you once, Heidi, I'll do it again," I growled as steadily as I could muster. I pulled Carlisle around to my other side so roughly he tripped, but he didn't complain as I put my body between the two of them. She scowled around me as they locked eyes, hissing something under her breath.
"Enough," Eleazar snapped. Despite his confusion and his dislike for my partner, he was glaring at the teacher. "Do you want to back off? You're my daughter's teacher; Garrett's partner doesn't involve you."
Her smile was fading as she realised her error. That she'd exposed herself more than she'd meant to. Her spine straightened as she took a step back. "My mistake," she muttered lowly. That was all it took to make her flee, disappearing back into the crowd of parents. I was stupid for being afraid of her; she was insane, but she wasn't dangerous.
"What the hell was that all about?" my brother demanded of me. He threw another glance at how absolutely hostile my boyfriend had become, appearing to soften toward him ever so slightly.
"Can we sit down?" Carlisle asked at the same time. He was hyperventilating, panicking. "I'm not feeling well."
"We need to leave," I told both of them. There'd be no escape from that conversation, but we really didn't have to have it in a school hall with my partner present.
"Garrett, I've gotta sit- I'm not going to make it to the car," he said again.
Red in the face, Eleazar was ushering both of us backwards, not stopping until he'd cornered us against the back wall, the bench that ran the length of it knocking the backs of my calves. "You, sit down and breathe properly before you pass out," he told my boyfriend sternly. His expression was hard as he turned back to me. "Garrett, what the fuck was that?"
"I'm dealing with it, El," I mumbled. I watched Carlisle follow his instructions as an excuse not to look at him. He was white again, shaking, definitely about to go down if he didn't get a grip. We weren't going any time soon. For once, I wished he could just suck it up.
"I'd be a little more concerned that she has your boyfriend's information," he fumed. "Do I need to transfer Kate to a different school?"
"No, Eleazar, I said I was dealing with it. I've spoken to the principal; it's fine," I corrected quickly. "She's just trying to scare us; she won't do anything-"
He rolled his eyes, angrily crossing his arms over his chest. "She's stalking him, you idiot."
"It's not him she's after, it's me. My affair was with her, and I've pissed her off, and she's fucking with him because she knows it gets to me; it's not that serious." My statement forced a groan from my boyfriend.
"For the love of god- Carlisle, why are you still dating this moron?" Eleazar interrupted, raising his voice far too loudly for the setting.
His mumble sounded something like 'I don't know', and my brother chuckled darkly, the two of them exchanging a look that I didn't appreciate when my boyfriend found it within himself to sit back again. That fucking hurt. He swallowed tightly, resting his head back against the wall as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I really need to lie down."
"Deal with it, would you?" I snapped at him. "You chose to come with me."
"I came with you because I can't trust you, and I don't want your parents to think I'm an asshole." He was still well enough to be pissed. "And yeah, Eleazar, you should change her school; Heidi is a psychopath."
"That's a little dramatic," I accused bitterly.
"No, it isn't; she knows things about both of us that she shouldn't, follows your fucking car around and has seen my medical records. I'm tired of dealing with the mess that your affair made when I'm already sick." Again, he shared a glance with my brother. "I don't think it's safe for Kate."
"She isn't dangerous," I repeated.
"You don't know that, Garrett," Carlisle argued. I watched him melt into the wooden slats as the fight drained out of him, his spine pressed into the wall as he gripped the edge of the bench. It looked like it was taking all of his strength just to sit there.
Our argument was momentarily dissipated, though I was sure Eleazar would pick it up again later. "Let's go home."
.
.
I didn't get a peep out of him the entire way back to our apartment. In the end, I turned the car radio up just to break the silence, unable to guess what was wrong and only winding myself up over it. We were sitting in traffic, and I was watching him in the rearview mirror as he forced a dry swallow, reaching for the water bottle a second later. Now seemed like a good time to own up to stealing hospital supplies.
Seeing him wince a little as the vehicle started to move, I fished one of the sick-bags out of the center console, flicking it open and passing it to him. He mumbled a soft thankyou. I was praying he wouldn't vomit until we got out of the car - my own stomach was threatening to go out in sympathy. He just groaned quietly and pressed his forehead against the window.
"I'm not sure if I can get up the stairs," he admitted as we parked outside our home.
I chuckled, my hand finding his knee, just relieved to be getting out of the vehicle without incident. "Lucky we can use the elevator, huh?" I teased. My smile faded when he didn't acknowledge it, silently refusing to explain himself any further until I finally realised he meant the few front steps that led into the building. "It's six steps at most, Carlisle." It seemed a little dramatic.
"Six too many."
"You can walk up six stairs, don't be ridiculous," I frowned.
"It hurts to move; walking is bad enough - I don't want to pass out again."
"I can give you the pain killers once we get inside." My reminder either went over his head or didn't make a difference. We sat in more silence now the car was off. I stretched over to click his seatbelt undone. "Come; it's either that, or we go back to the hospital." The cold air outside bit into me as I opened my door, and I prayed he would hurry up so we could warm ourselves again.
Something akin to a whimper escaped as he pulled the door handle, still hesitating to actually stand. He let me drag him to his feet, taking a few ginger steps forward until he could reach the handrail. "I really don't feel well," he whispered to me once I'd locked up.
"Just don't faint on me," I warned, only half joking. Bringing him home had been a bad idea. "We can go back to the ward."
He shook his head. "The doctor said I should be starting to feel better."
"You're obviously not, though."
"I think it's the medication; I get worse after I have a dose." He hadn't risked a step up yet, leaning against the metal pole as an excuse to not hold his own weight.
"It's freezing out here; we need to get inside," I prompted. I took a few paces in front of him, turning to offer him my hand. He reluctantly gave in, deathly white by the time we reached the front doors, swaying so unsteadily I slipped my arm around him to keep him upright. "Are you going to pass out?" I kept pushing him toward the elevators, roughly jabbing the button to pull it to the ground floor.
Carlisle shook his head. The lift opened in front of us, and he let me usher him inside, gripping the inside rail for dear life. His hands must have been freezing while he grasped the metal like that. "If I can't even get upstairs, what's going to happen when I get discharged-"
"You've been okay all morning; you'll be fine," I interrupted before he could let that train of thought get away from him. "Maybe we pushed you a little too hard; it is the first time you've been out since you were admitted. We should have taken it a bit slower."
He nodded unsurely. Fox cried and ran to us as I unlocked the front door, and I leaned down to scoop her up. He reached to kidnap her, wobbling as he let go of the wall, my free arm snaking around his waist to support him as I squashed the animal against my torso. We both seemed to realise that it would be a bad idea for him to hold her at the same time. I supervised as he stumbled to sit on the couch, settling our beast of a cat in his lap once I was sure he wasn't about to pass out. "Thanks," he mumbled. His fingertips sunk into her fur as the purring started, drawing her closer to his chest. "It's nice to be home."
"You just missed your cat," I teased. There were only infomercials on the TV, but I left it on anyway, giving myself something to stare at that wasn't my boyfriend - I wasn't sure how I was going to keep him in my line of sight without invading his space if he decided to move around. He couldn't do any damage while he was sitting there, but I'd have to follow him if he got up. Part of me really wasn't enjoying having him home.
"Little bit." He sank further into the pillows, leaning his head against the back of the couch. "Can I have…"
"You want the medication?" I guessed. It made me sweat a little, my stomach churning nervously. The packets were still in my back pocket - one dose of everything he'd need - where he couldn't get to it, and I replayed the nurses instructions over and over in my head. Even as I glanced at the time, I still wasn't entirely certain whether enough hours had passed. "You have to have your antibiotic now too, I think."
He just nodded.
I fidgeted uncomfortably. "Maybe we should call your nurse, just to make sure it's okay."
"They're due, Gar. It's after lunch; I usually have them at twelve."
My heart lurched. "Then they're late."
"Only by forty five minutes - it doesn't have to be exact. The painkillers don't matter anyway; I only have them if I need them."
"The antibiotic, though. And the one for nausea."
"It's forty five minutes," he repeated. "It's not going to kill me." Too tired for my anxiety, he pushed the cat into the seat next to him as he started to get up. The blood drained from his face as soon as he stood, sending him straight back into his seat, his breath rushing out as he winded himself.
I was hovering before I could stop myself. "I'll get you some water, just stay there." My hurry to the kitchen only resulted in me spilling half the glass on the floor, Carlisle frowning at me to hide a smile as I handed it to him.
"What was that? Since when do you run in the house?" he teased. He was still too pale, the liquid slopping in the glass evidence that his hands were trembling.
"I wasn't running," I grumbled back. Rolling my eyes while he chuckled, I sat next to him, my knee pressing against the outside of his thigh as I folded my leg under myself. "I'm not supposed to leave you alone."
"What could I do to myself in the ten seconds you were on the other side of that wall?" The careful sip of water he took still made him wince as it touched his stomach.
"I don't plan on either of us finding out. Are you sure we shouldn't call the hospital?"
"It'll be fine, Gar, what are you so worried about?" He took the tablets from me as I reluctantly handed them over. Somehow, he managed not to laugh at me scrutinising the label on each one, as if I would somehow come up with the medical knowledge to know what they were for.
"I don't want you to feel terrible- you're already feeling terrible."
He snatched the remaining packets out of my hands, quickly going through what was there and handing me back a few. "Because I have medical conditions, not because I'm having my meds less than an hour late. The nurses can't be exactly on time either; they have at least six patients each." Still trying to make me feel better, he told me what each one was before he swallowed it so I could write it down for the nurse. Forever tolerant.
I refused to look at him. Then panicked because I hadn't checked he'd actually swallowed them. He caught my frantic glance up, sighing.
"I promise they're gone; my stomach hurts too much for me to be a dick about it," he assured me, almost grumbling.
"You're better at this than me, even when you're not well," I admitted. I snuck my hand onto his knee, guilty as my heart hammered away in my chest - this wasn't going to work well once he came home.
He apparently thought the same thing. "I have to be good at it; I have to manage it myself when I finally get discharged."
I shook my head. "I'll help you, Carlisle; I'll learn."
"You can't be my carer, Garrett. This isn't going away; I won't be on the painkillers forever, but the rest of it is here to stay." Exhausted, that seemed to be the end of the conversation. His arms crept around his waist, uncomfortably guarding his middle, and he couldn't get the colour back into his face. I just prayed that the pills didn't make a swift reappearance. "We could watch a movie?" he asked eventually. "Seeming as you have to sit with me anyway."
"I'd like that." I gave in to what I wanted to do so badly, carefully pressing my lips to his temple. "Anything in particular?"
He shook his head. "Anything that's not a drawn out ploy to sell a super-mop."
I had to chuckle at that as the infomercial started to loop again, the man on the TV enthusiastically dragging the tool over a series of set up spills until they photoshopped a clean floor underneath. The teasing remark I almost made was swallowed as my boyfriend groaned quietly, his eyes squeezed shut when I glanced at him, his fingers trying to loosen where his pants dug into him. "Are you sure I don't need to call the hospital?" I didn't think I'd masked my worry very well.
"It presses in a not so good place," he explained quietly. "It's alright."
"How? Your clothes are loose on you." There was no way he was going to let me close enough to him to help; he was already awkward about it. "You should get changed; we can have comfy clothes now we're home."
He shook his head. "I think it's just the way I'm sitting." Shifting didn't seem to give him any relief, and he only curled into himself a little more.
"Maybe you should get in bed."
"I can't; you'd have to stay with me. All I do now is lie in bed anyway, I can sleep once I get back."
"I'll cope, if it will make you feel better. You should go and lie down, Carlisle." I caught his hand, putting the glass he was still clutching on the floor to link our fingers together. "You look miserable."
He shrugged out of my touch - I should have expected that, considering how awful today had been. "I think we really need this time together, away from the hospital." All of a sudden he couldn't look at me, picking at the edges of his fingernails to avoid me.
Something else was playing on my mind. "How did you know who Heidi was?" I asked carefully.
He hesitated, blushing, swallowing, blushing again. "I googled her," he said eventually.
"Why?"
"Because I'm stupid, and I thought it would help."
"And did it?"
"Of course not. Have you ever looked at any of her social media?"
I shook my head. I'd never been quite that dumb.
"Well, they're obviously aimed at men."
"Oh. I wonder if her husband knows." My insides squirmed when I thought about him - why I had ever thought it was a good idea to confront him, I'd never know. It hadn't taken long for the bruising from his punches to go down, but it had been enough of a warning for me to never want to lay eyes on him again.
"Doubt it," he grumbled under his breath. He apparently thought the same thing. "He should have been in more trouble for assaulting you."
"I turned up on their doorstep in the middle of the night drunk and yelling; I don't know what other response I expected," I sighed. Wanting to end the conversation, I picked a channel on the TV at random, sure that Carlisle would fall asleep within minutes.
.
.
He didn't, though. It had been almost an hour, and he was stubbornly awake, eventually relaxing enough to let me slip my arm around his shoulders, pressing his cheek to my collarbone as I stroked his bicep. "Take a nap, just for a little while," I murmured.
"I can stay awake."
"Just because you can doesn't mean you should."
Quiet for a moment, he surrendered, pulling his legs up next to him to lean further into me. "I don't think I should have come today; I was dumb. Everything aches so much - it isn't like we actually did anything, but walking is really painful, and sitting in that hall for so long made it worse."
"Even after the pain relief?"
He nodded reluctantly, groaning as he sighed. "I know I can't, but I'd kill to be able to spend the night at home."
I didn't say anything, unwilling to promise him that when it was unnerving enough having him for the afternoon. "Come and lie in bed with me," I coaxed.
"I'll just fall asleep, Garrett."
"I want you to. If you're so tired, then you obviously need the rest."
He still shook his head.
"Just for half an hour," I coaxed. "I'll wake you up afterwards; I'll have to sit with you anyway. You can take the cat?" I didn't understand why he was so stubborn about it.
Again, he shook his head. Ridiculous.
Fine. I twisted underneath him, turning slightly so he was forced to either lie down or get off me, gambling that he didn't want to be upright. Just as I'd hoped, he moved to put his head in my lap, his hand moving to rest on my thigh as he pressed his cheek against my jeans. "Relax, then."
"Mmm." It had the effect I'd wanted; he was already struggling to stay awake. More so as I slowly ran my fingers through his hair, loosening his sweatshirt around his throat with my free hand. Even worse when Fox invited herself up, purring as she curled against his chest.
I counted four minutes before his fidgeting stopped and he was out. I had no idea what I was going to do with him once he was discharged.
.
.