HELLLOOO ALL! So as you can see there's another update this week! Yay for timeliness! I've been feeling pretty inspired lately and I'm going to try getting through as much of this as possible while I'm feeling in shape. I enjoyed editing this chapter—I think it reads sooooo much better now—and recently I've gotten my first hate mail! Now, I know that sounds bad but I think this is a necessary evil. When there are clearly hateful comments, you know you've improved because now others feel the need to tell you how horrid you are nonsensically. :) So, enjoyyyy!
Chapter 2: I don't understand him...
The reason Haruka firmly believed he shouldn't think about things he didn't—nor desire to—understand was because of two things: it's stupid, and it left him virtually unproductive for the rest of the day. Haruka wasn't a person who enjoyed halfway thinking through things because then there were gaps in his interpretation. He felt as if it were a waste of time to only think through something if he was going to be half-baked about it. If he didn't eventually understand the truth, it was just too much effort. Everything got tangled and muddy and he couldn't see clearly behind his unwanted prejudice and the values he was placing on others.
Most people judge things by how they would do them, disregarding the fact that no one thought the same way. Even if there were someone out there with the same morals and personality type as you, those subtle discrepancies in between would be the thing that makes them different from you. Eventually there would be a question you both would answer differently, so it was utterly pointless to judge by that.
Another way was to "put yourself in their shoes" as they say; imagine their thought process and why they choose to do what they do. But there was also a problem with that method. You are not them. You haven't experienced all the same things they have and lived their life knowing every nuance of their thoughts—nor would you want to he would think. Therefore it's an idiotic effort border-lining on vanity to think that you, a complete stranger, could know how someone else thought.
In reality there was no real way to judge others, only a faint outline of guesswork following logistics that don't even solve the entire problem. Because in the real world, there are no set in stone patterns that one could follow. There are no consistencies no matter how hard one tries to find one. You will only understand someone as far as they let you and even then, you probably won't find the entire thing.
This is why Haruka loved water. It was transparent.
Yet somehow, the raven found himself mulling and mulling over pointless things that would get him no where. He knew he was literally thinking himself in circles but he just couldn't help it. He wasn't doing it on purpose, not really.
A week had passed and ever since that day: the day Haruka caught Matsuoka's faraway gaze directed at the pool. At first he'd decided to dismiss it, knowing that Matsuoka was as flaky as a freshly fried mackerel, and he had. He really had.
Not one thought or inquisition of Matsuoka had penetrated his mind and he continued on his daily business without a care. He'd cook Mackerel for breakfast and go to school like normal, daydream about swimming, and swim. If Makoto was feeling courageous that day, he'd find himself against a wall in the far corner of the locker room with their lips sealed, making the brunette whimper with the way he knew just what buttons to push. Usually following that was intense sex on the hardwood floor of his living room because once once Makoto got going, it was hard to stop him.
Haruka didn't mind it because that meant he'd satisfied him for the day and he didn't have to worry about just when Makoto would want to do it. While the green-eyed boy tended to be considerate, when he wanted sex he usually got it. But that was fine, really. That was normal.
It wasn't normal when he was in his bathtub, staring at the rippling tides he created, and thought about how that redhead was staring at the pool. When he began to wonder just what was behind that stare. And it... it just snuck up on him, it always happened like that. He didn't want to think about Gou's brother when he was taking a bath and getting his therapy.
He didn't want to be on the roof in the afternoon when Nagisa attempted to coax Matsuoka into sitting with them like some sort of cantankerous pet, finding his eyes wandering to his grumpy face. After a while Haruka even began to feel an odd satisfaction in how predictable the other's behavior was. It was quite frankly embarrassing how often the other teen was wandering into his thoughts like a lost child.
Even more than that, Haruka began to think that he'd figured Matsuoka out. As if he cracked some complex puzzle, he somehow thought that he solved the enigma that was Matsuoka Rin. He compiled evidence to hoard to himself. Such as Matsuoka being the type that just didn't want to deal with anyone. The fact that always ate alone, he yelled at anyone who got near him, and he ignored those that talked of him were not beyond him. He reasoned that even though he only ever paid attention to Gou, that was because he was her brother. The mystery was put together.
When he got into the habit of thinking that he'd involuntarily solved him, he cheered because the incapacitating thoughts of him lessened. Haruka grew bored of him like a game he won too many times and his life began to revert back to how it used to be. It was as if Matsuoka was sending the message that he was just a jerk and if he did anything out of the ordinary, it was best not to put too much thought into it. He was grateful for this message because that meant he could finally stop thinking about it after an entire week of struggling with himself over the issue.
But once more, once you thought you figured out someone or something completely, that was when you began seeing holes in your logic. The big, gaping hole for him was that the only thing off about his examination was Matsuoka's look whenever he got to the pool.
Once he figured out that look, he wouldn't be curious anymore and could go back to ignoring him, leading his simple and uncomplicated life. He wouldn't look back.
So he stared at him, overwhelmingly so. Day by day his blue eyes scanned over that face of his, taking note of the smallest twitches because his shame had all but depleted. But he could never figure out that unfathomable look. It was something he hadn't seen before when someone looked at water. Then the other always rushed off with Gou right when he thought he might've seen something similar.
It gave him a headache and instead of being simply casually curious, he was now beginning to dislike the other for bothering his mental thoughts. He'd become insufferable, not even able swim without wondering why the hell Matsuoka would stare at water like that. He was sure the water didn't like him either for that stare that he now was taking for distaste if anything. All he wanted to do was to be able to live with his idle thoughts of blue. Why did he have to be plagued with spiraling thoughts of red?
Unknown to Haruka there was someone else with the same disease, unable to keep his mind off someone. Although he was someone with much more experience at having his green eyes eternally tainted with blue. It wasn't on purpose, similarly to Haruka, but then again it was never on purpose was it? Who would voluntarily give over their entire attention and invest in another? However, what's done was done and Makoto for as long as he could remember had always been looking at Haru.
So of coursed he noticed those looks he gave to Matsuoka.
Makoto raised an eyebrow the first time he caught the other staring at the redhead. After all, Haru always looked to the pool during class but today he was facing the opposite direction from his scenic view. He chose to say nothing to him, Haru wasn't the type to be honest when it came to other people. Haru might not even know himself why he was looking at someone. So he watched with his own eyes; those attentive, blue eyes narrowed in an unfamiliar way that he hadn't seen before.
Did Haru not like Matsuoka? But, Makoto knew that he always ignored people he didn't like to death, preferring to savor his energy for as long as possible. So why was he just staring at him with that analyzing look? Sometimes he didn't know if Haru was aware of just how much he stared at the redhead.
He would be sitting in class and would turn to do his daily quota of staring in his crush's direction from across the classroom only to see him glancing at Matsuoka every once and a while as the other took notes. His blue eyes gazed with rapt interest and they flickered to and from Matsuoka throughout the day.
Makoto could only endlessly wonder why the hell Matsuoka had Haru's attention since both of them weren't the most social people in the world. Or when Nagisa attempted to drag the other over, Haru would already be looking in his direction. To be honest it pissed him off. He was usually gentle and kind as was his nature but he always had been quite possessive of the things he liked and Haru was included in that. He didn't like his attention, which was never given to anything but a non-threatening, inanimate object, going toward another man.
That was another drawback to giving his heart away to another, the endless, raging insecurity he buried within. It was like he became an entirely different person when Haru was involved. It was like a sharp pang in his chest that made him feel as if he'd been dumped in a sticky vat of ink, clinging to him even after he showered himself with rationality and reassurances. The grime stuck under his nails that were tempted to scratch down Haru's back, painting him with marks of ownership.
Only, he knew he'd never do that. He didn't want to taint Haru with his insecurities and he didn't want to tie the other down, because he knew the raven would hate that. The thing he valued most was freedom and acceptance. Makoto would never dream of taking that away from him even when the other hovered over him, deep inside, and the swelling feelings of love intertwined with insatiable lust threatened to spill. He would never say those words that he knew would take away the sparkling in those azure orbs. What he desired most was Haru's happiness and that's why even though he hated the idea of someone one day sweeping Haru away, he hated the notion that Haru might come to hate him more.
The brunette was very mature and level-headed for his age, always eventually adopting the role of "mother" or the voice-of-reason within his group. Out of everyone, he was expected to be the most tolerant but even mothers had times where they became irritated and for him that came with the male Matsuoka and his tendency to lash out towards anyone in a ten foot radius of him.
When Nagisa tried to integrate him into the group, he snarled viciously at him like a wild animal and when Gou tried to get him to join the conversation, he just ignored her and walked away, saying he'd pick her up later. Makoto couldn't ignore the other was an utter brute who disrespected people left and right. He knew if he had been even the slightest bit more immature, he and Matsuoka would've exchanged words a while ago. But, he knew he would never do that, at least as things were now.
Makoto was tolerant of others for a reason and that's because he knew he could never know just why another was doing what most deemed as annoying. Matsuoka seemed like he just didn't want to be bothered and yet he gave off the impression of a wounded animal most times. He didn't seem satisfied being by himself and Makoto knew that despite his jealousy and his brutish ways, his green eyes couldn't look the other way when he spotted that lonesome look in the other's eye.
A deep sigh escaped his chest as he slid on the last leg of his jammers and he sagged like somewhere in between the first and second leg he lost the will to go on. He immediately felt Rei's look of concern as Makoto was not one to complain. If there was ever a job given to someone, usually the person they'd give the job to was him. Modestly hardworking was something he couldn't go a year without seeing on his reports from teachers and the local mothers would often scold their children to be more like him. In the least conceited way, he couldn't say they were wrong. He was like this to a fault and this is the main reason why he felt it just wasn't right to complain about things.
Even if he was weak-hearted and afraid of ghosts, he tended to find fault in any of his complaints he felt to be unreasonable. He knew that complaining didn't do too much. That's why it was probably a shock to Rei—in fact it was probably the first time he'd heard him sigh before.
He saw in the corner of his eyes that the other fixed his prescription goggles to his face and turned to him. His face was a mixture of worry and the slight dignified stoniness the other must've thought looked reliable, "Makoto-senpai, is something wrong?"
Makoto finished pulling up his legskins, not wishing to embarrass himself much further than this. As he turned he immediately smiled the soft, indulgent smile he gave to his siblings when they did something in an attempt to be helpful to him. It was a patented look that often got him out of saying many things he didn't want to, "Don't worry Rei, I'm fine. I was just thinking about something Haru did a while ago, but everything's fine. Thank you for worrying."
He didn't technically lie. He just omitted what Haru actually did that made him sigh. And 'a while' could mean any numerous measures of time: days, months... just an hour ago... But really, there wasn't even anything wrong. Although Haru was acting peculiar, that didn't mean Haru was sad. As long as he wasn't sad, there wasn't anything wrong—no matter how confusing.
He could see Rei spinning the ambiguous information around in his head like some sort of taste test, but the other quickly decided that Makoto must've been telling the truth. After all, it wasn't like Makoto to lie about such frivolous things. The brunette laughed reassuringly and they walked to the poolside.
He would push aside his questioning for just why Haru would solely focus on Matsuoka for a later time. There was nothing wrong.
This sentence stood on it's own to state his new resolution to act as if everything was normal. He said it once, then twice for solidity. It was only when, in the corner of his eye, he caught wispy tendrils of red that the message became a mantra. Green eyes immediately began to seek swirls of black underneath the pool's waves or cool, blue eyes shrouded by heavily dripping lashes.
There's nothing wrong. He was insistent to himself even as his search became more frantic, There's nothing wrong and yet I'm doing this because? Well, to be fair I always am trying to find Haru, or to be correct, Haru is always in my line of sight. It would be strange not to see him, right?
His prophetic thoughts were accurate enough to seemingly guide him to the back of Haru's head. He became relieved because Haru wasn't looking at the approaching redhead yet... but wasn't it a bit strange? Haru was near the edge of his lane, simply floating when Makoto knew the other just couldn't not move in water. And yet, he... wasn't... swimming...
Makoto feels an aggressive twist in his chest when he realizes that indeed, Haru knew that the other was there and was doing a terrible job at hiding it. The frustration he felt over something so small was laughable and the mantra in his head increased in volume but had become much more insecure than the first time around. But then there was a miracle. Haru started swimming again.
He refrained from exhaling heavily as Rei was still nearby, and worse, Nagisa had come from his warm-up stretches. While he escaped inquiry from Rei, Nagisa was an entire universe more stubborn than Rei. The green-eyed teen almost felt like he'd been taking shallow breaths all this time and he was taking his first deep breath.
He could see the obvious tension in the other's strokes as Matsuoka neared and eventually Haru sank to the bottom of the pool in his awkwardly cute way of hiding. But at least he wasn't paying attention to him... or he was trying not to. He thought that might be the lesser of two evils. He looked toward the redhead as he began to retreat to wherever he hid before Gou limped in slightly, catching his eye. Though before he could get a word of usual concern out, Matsuoka's usually silent lips parted and he had a foreign face on his typically indifferent face that caught him slightly off guard.
Haruka emerged from the self-created waves and shook his hair dry from the chlorinated water. When his eyes opened, he caught the sight of Matsuoka's face that stared at Gou while she attempted to walk in the pool area and his lips twitched downward. That was an unfamiliar face he was making. In the entire week he'd been silently paying attention to him, he hadn't once seen that kind of face come from the crimson-eyed boy. It wasn't angry or bored like the two emotions that are ever on his face, but a common face he'd seen before. One of concern.
When it was on Matsuoka's face though, he found that it made him look strange. It made his tense face look unnatural almost and his eyes softened toward his sister, his body turning back towards the smaller redhead. "Gou, what's the matter? Are you hurt?" Haruka blinked at the other's softer voice when addressing his sister. So he really was worried about her? Haruka didn't understand. Matsuoka didn't really seem to be the worrying type… so what was this uncharacteristic behavior he was displaying carelessly? He narrowed gaze and watched their interaction with interested eyes.
"Ah, Onii-chan. It's nothing really. I just stretched a little too far during practice in gym." Matsuoka stared at her a bit longer as if debating to himself about something until suddenly turned completely around. He walked over to the poolside, sat down on the ground to lie on his back and closed his eyes. It was all so smooth and natural It was difficult to find fault in what he was doing. But, they all knew what he was doing and it made Haruka's teeth grind in his mouth worriedly.
Gou's eyes widened and she blushed a bit at her brother's obvious attempt at subtle concern. "Onii-chan! You don't have to—"
"I'm staying because I don't feel like wandering today," the older redhead cut her off, unaffected as he squirmed for a comfortable position on the cement, "Since your precious Onii-chan comes to pick you up every day, I should at least get to sleep where I want." He stilled, seeming to find the best position and placed his arms behind his head for a cushion. Haruka could see his breath starting to slow and a peaceful expression took over his face like Haruka had never seen.
What the hell? He completely ignored Gou's protests just like the Matsuoka he was used to... but this time he wasn't doing it out of spite, but rather from worry. It was strange to Haruka and no matter how he looked at it, this just doesn't fit with his presented image. The image of the light tendrils of his hair flowing so softly while he was still shouldn't be burning into his retinas like this.
"You did that yourself! You really don't have to..." Gou paused, staring at her brother and he just left his eyes closed, his face relaxing while silence soaked the air. Gou frowned and huffed, "Mou, he actually fell asleep..." Shaking her head, she limped over to where she usually sat and yelled at everyone to get moving. But, Haruka stared at the larger redhead for a moment longer. He kinda looked much less annoying when he was asleep... Haruka cursed himself and sank into the blue depths surrounding him. He was getting interested again and just after he swore his attention off to swimming.
Practice went normal with the exception of Matsuoka sleeping on the poolside, curled into a more comfortable position with that same serene look that disturbed Haruka to the point where he couldn't divert his attention from the sleeping male. Watching him sleep felt strangely... nostalgic. It felt unfamiliar to him to the point where he wanted to toss water on him in a seldom, immature act just to wake him or make him act as aggressive as he usually did. Matsuoka slept through practice, his calm breath making his relaxing swim practice strange and foreign, annoying him more.
As they were cleaning up from practice, Matsuoka finally roused from his seat, rubbing his eyes and yawning softly. Haruka forcefully tore his eyes away when the other, trying not to dwell on the irritating itch he felt in his brain. Instead Gou gathered them all in a group under the guise of conversing with them about their training regime. How he knew it was a guise was because they had just talked about training regimes yesterday. Everyone who knew this raised an eyebrow yet went over to her anyway, thinking that whatever it was, she didn't want her brother to know.
"Alright guys, I have a favor to ask of you," Gou said in a serious manner. Haruka looked at the other teens who looked at her with a mixture of suspicion and nervousness at the gravity of her voice, "You know this 'pain' I have in my leg? I lied. I didn't even go to gym class. So, I'm going to trick Onii-chan because this morning he woke me up by pouring water all over me and almost making me late because I had to dry off and do my hair." She pouted though Haruka truly couldn't comprehend why she would be troubled by waking up to water. It seemed like an ideal situation to him.
"So... what are we doing?" Makoto asked with a raised eyebrow, uncharacteristically interested in participating in someone's deceit even though he had a tinge of wariness in his eyes, Haruka would've thought he would be the one to be against tricking her brother. Nagisa, however, had nothing short of a sadistic smile on his face. He loved pranks, often pulling them on his boyfriend or Gou. There was no doubt he'd find enjoyment in something like this and his participation was a given. Haruka didn't really care either way. It was just a joke.
It seemed that Rei was the only one who appeared a bit dubious about the entire thing. The raven didn't find that strange because on the contrary to his blonde counterpart, he disliked pranks and considered them to be in bad taste. He only dealt with it most times because he was completely whipped for his boyfriend. But today, his brow furrowed while he pushed his glasses up his nose, the glare shining off of the frames.
"Are you sure Kou-san? Matsuoka-senpai looks already a bit distressed for your well-being," He pointed out with an unsure countenance but Gou looked back toward her brother and shrugged with a devilish smile of her own. Rei felt cold sweat drip down his temple, realizing that the other was pretty dead set on this. He could only hope that the explosive brother of hers wouldn't overreact to something like this.
"It never hurts to make my 'oh-so cool' brother worried about things. It keeps him in line," She said, reassuring everyone. Everyone nodded in the end and she commenced to tell them the plan. "Well, Onii-chan hasn't seen me in years and back before he left, I couldn't swim. So I'll pretend to drown, he'll save me, and I'll tell him it was a joke." She giggled happily, her laughing voice making the plan seem so simple and sweet—like she was throwing him a surprise party instead of faking her own drowning. Haruka had forgotten that sometimes, Gou could be quite manipulative if the situation called for it. "You guys just need to keep quiet, alright?"
Everyone nodded and they broke away and went back to what they did normally when they cleaned up. Nagisa fooled around with Rei as they put away their towels and collected stray training toys they used. Makoto continued to analyze the times and mark down any small discrepancies between this practice and last practice. He was even swimming beneath the buoys to find fallen swim caps and goggles. He was happy he wasn't doing anything above ground because honestly, they all sucked at acting. He could almost imagine the over-exaggerated way Nagisa was hopping around Rei and how stiffly both Makoto and Rei would move trying to seem casual.
He considered it lucky that the elder Matsuoka seemed too preoccupied with Gou's well-being to pay attention to how they were acting. Makoto helped him out the pool and he purposely left a conveniently placed flotation device in the water. Gou continued with the plan as the other Matsuoka staring from his position on the floor.
Gou limped to the poolside and reached for a She reached, extending her body over the edge, and Haruka took a glance at the redhead who he saw looking a bit more alert. His shoulders were a bit tense as of ready for attack and he called out, "Gou... stop that, that's dangerous..."
He tried to sound commanding but instead he sounded almost meek, getting nervous while his sister perilously teetered on the edge of the pool. She laughed off her brother's worry, happy her plan was going as scheduled. Waving her hand, she said, "It'll be fine Onii-chan, don't worry about—wah!" She leaned purposely a bit too far and Haruka watched the other's eyes widen in clear alarm, his body so tense it was like a wound wire. The color drained from the other's face when he heard the splash. Was that... a normal reaction?
Haruka knew that Matsuoka would certainly be afraid for his sister when she fell in but the other looked wide-eyed in shock as if he'd just seen his sister shot dead. He's seen that expression before... something just like that. Those trembling eyes that seemed horrified at the way the pool swallowed his sister whole sent a shock through his chest. This was nothing like Matsuoka.
Suddenly the redhead was on his feet and racing toward the pool, the unathletic boy's frame looking natural but urgent as he ran frantically toward the pool. His voice called out Gou's name in desperation as he edged to the pool. He didn't do the thing in movies where the star took his jacket and shoes off as he approached the pool, no he ran with all of his strength. He rapidly approached the pool and looked unable to stop; Haruka wondered... could he even swim?
Even though he knew Matsuoka wouldn't stop, somehow he was genuinely surprised and the world seemed to quiet. He heard Rei call out to Matsuoka in stuttered, confused phrases because he was unsure of how to calm the situation. Nagisa's behavior changed drastically as he began to sense there was something off about the situation, causing a hesitant murmur to escape him at the last minute. He didn't hear anything from Makoto. Even so, all that noise faded into the background like someone clapped their hands over his ears.
Silence struck his ears and his eyes widened, showing his surprise when the other coiled his body up almost unconsciously and kicked off the concrete and dove into the water with a powerful launch. It was almost animalistic, the way he jumped with no hesitation. There was no spring board, yet his kick-off was fantastic... his arch was nearly perfect and his arms were position almost flawlessly before he cleanly splashed into the surface of the pool. His form was awing.
Haruka's eyes couldn't stray from the redhead as he immediately tore through the water like a predator attacking his prey and he could only think... so fast. It was riveting, his stroke. Haruka's heart throbbed in his chest at the large and powerful strokes that dragged him violently through the water. He swam faster than anyone he's ever seen before and though he was warlike, almost destructive, he wasn't... clumsy with his strokes. There was something so passionate, so desperate about it... Haruka found it beautiful.
His breath caught in his throat and he could not bring himself to look away when he quickly "rescued" Gou from the water's depths, bringing her to the concrete and pulling himself out to stare at his sister in what Haruka could only describe as raw fear. He hovered over her, his face a pale white, his body completely soaked, his eyes wide and his pupils dilated. His fear was genuine… Haruka had never seen anything as unguarded as that before. Haruka felt almost like he was seeing him for the first time. He looked unrecognizable.
"Gou, Gou are you okay? P-Please Gou..." He leaned in to listen to her breathing and Haruka could see just then that his hands were trembling so harshly when he gripped her shoulders, "Gou? Please no..." Matsuoka's voice quivered weakly like a scared child's and those chilling red eyes of his melted into a glassy crimson, blurred by tears. Wait what? Tears? No, no, even if this entire day had been so strange, Matsuoka was definitely not the type to cry in front of them like this. Was he even capable of looking like this?
Everyone hovered around the two, not wanting to get too close. They all felt the uncomfortable feeling of having intruded on something they shouldn't have. They knew it was completely artificial, a joke, a harmless prank but even so. They also were quite aware Matsuoka thought this was real. None of them wanted to be the one to play the bad guy and explain what they'd done.
Luckily for them, Gou, not wanting to tease her brother for long, smiled and opened her eyes. Laughter immediately burst from her as she saw the stringy hair haphazardly splayed around his face and through the fuzzy outline she could see, she could tell they were both soaked to the bone. She wished she could see his face clearly but she had a combination of swimmer's ear and chlorine stinging the whites of her eyes. Her Onii-chan would feel so embarrassed about this since she knew he took just about as long as she did in an effort to do his hair correctly. This would show him.
"Onii-chan, you should've seen your face! Ha-ha! You look like a wet cat!" She wiped her eyes clear of the liquid over her lids and slapped the side of her head in a futile effort to get the pool water out. Unknown to her, just about everyone around them was in mid-cringe, dread pooling in their stomachs, "It's all in good fun, new Onii-cha—" Gou was suddenly cut off when a new drop of moisture fell on her cheek.
Her brow furrowed and she almost thought it to be the pool water sliding off his cheek onto hers... but it was warm. So warm it almost burned her skin. Her eyes opened slowly again and she her first sight was her brother's agonized, red eyes that overflowed with anxiety and fear. His lips quivered and his brow furrowed worriedly. Her eyes widened and she felt another tear drop on her forehead… She's seen him cry before, but never like this. No matter how she and her mom cried, or if she made him mad, or hurt him... he's never looked like this before.
The first thing she could feel was the immense confusion surrounding his tears. It was a mystery to her why he cried like this, not knowing the true repercussions of her actions. She didn't know why he wasn't laughing? It was just... a joke. It occured to her only then that perhaps her brother really had changed, she felt like she was looking at a stranger.
When he heard it was a joke, he did not take it well. His once deadly concerned eyes didn't dry up, but worse. They hardened. They froze and faded from the passionate red that she'd seen before into a dead shade. For a singular moment, he looked exhausted as his tensed shoulders slumped and that same stringy hair she'd laughed at shrouded his hazy, glass-like gaze, wet droplets mixing in with those salty tears. It only lasted a moment as he lingered above her but that was all she needed to see the mistake she'd made.
Fists that just before held her so close, as if he were afraid she'd fade away, curled tightly into themselves and his mouth twisted into a grim scowl of pure anger, "Onii-chan… I… I'm—"
"Shut up." He told her gruffly, surprising everyone around them. Out of everyone he's ever been with, Rin had never spoken to Gou like that. His body tensed more and more as anger twisted his features into a range of emotions that she'd never seen before. The most prominent one was fear and the second shame. She tried to reach out to him, wishing she'd never did that prank. Wishing that she'd just lied and finished the prank to the very end instead of laughing at him.
"How could you..." His voice was nothing but a scarce murmur but his cold gaze was something that pieced her, "Didn't you hear me? How fucking could you?!" He yelled violently, punching the ground so hard she heard cracks come from the abused hand and felt alarmed. She quickly reached to hold it but he flinched and scampered back as if afraid of her. But, she could see it in his eyes. There was nothing there for her, like dull red pitfalls. Gou couldn't recall a time she felt more useless, but this time she couldn't complain because it was all her fault. She couldn't afford to be startled by his tone, the only thing she could do was apologize but he was already leaving.
Her own eyes watered and she quickly reached out further, grabbing his shirt, "O…Onii-chan, I'm… I'm so—"
"Let go," he tried tugging his arm away lightly but Gou held tighter, not wanting to let it end like this. She didn't want to end this with him looking at her like that. She furiously shook her head as she kept trying to apologize, "Stop, Gou!"
"No, I'm sorry Onii-chan! I'm... I'm—" His arm tore away from her violently, knocking her off-balance. Immediately she was caught by Nagisa, who in turn looked at her brother with a contemptuous gaze she'd never seen on him before. Having three sisters of his own, he couldn't help himself when he saw Matsuoka just fling his sister off of him like trash. What kind of brother knocks her sister over like that? She was obviously weaker and yet he chose to be violent towards her.
"Oi, Matsuoka, apologize," he said but Gou began to shake her head, dusting herself off quickly and coming towards her elder brother.
"Wait, no, I'm fine Nagisa. I'm the one who should apologize," Makoto stepped up in between them, nervous that the boar would try hitting her again. He could understand that he was upset but that was no reason to hit a girl, much less his sister. The abuse of a sibling was something intolerable. Although, even though they were in this situation, there was a part of him that felt kind of happy that this side of Matsuoka was coming out. He now felt little to no need to take pity on him. Why feel sorry for someone who could hit a girl with seemingly no remorse. This was the last straw and they were all seeing the true Matsuoka Rin come out here.
"Kou-san, there's absolutely no reason Matsuoka-san shouldn't apologize to you. No matter how angry you are, hitting a girl is unacceptable," Rei walked over to Matsuoka, seemingly unafraid of the slightly larger male, "You need to apologize to your sister, now. I don't care if she offended you and I don't care if you don't want to. If you're have any respect, you'll comply." He could literally hear the grinding of the other's teeth from here and the redhead whipped around,
"Shut the hell up already! I'm obviously no better than this, leave me the fuck alone!" He attempted to stalk off only to be grabbed by Rei, who was determine he apologize to her, and he lashed out at the window. The durable glass nearly cracked under his powerful hit and Gou saw how his knuckles bled profusely from his first strike against concrete, "I said shut up! What the fuck do you know?! I am sorry! I've been sorry for years and it doesn't change shit!"
Running a hand through his hair, he gripped the bright strands as he continued to tremble. More and more he shook, on the verge of a breakdown and he slid gripped his arm in a vice-like grip, almost like he was covering himself, "Why? Why did you do that? I said I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But... sorry has never undone a mistake for me." He turned his back, his face once more calming into near exhaustion.
"Rin please…" She said quietly, begging, pleading for forgiveness, or the first time wondering just how permanently he's been changed since before. She really... knew nothing about him did she?
"Gou… don't talk to me… for a while. Please," He said in an unnervingly calm voice that even caught Haruka off guard. Haruka only thought, Who is this? His expression of pure and utter betrayal made something hit his heart with a pang. Ocean blue eyes blinked owlishly while the other dragged his feet from the poolside, leaving his sister with them who wept in his wake. It inevitably left him with an unforgettable empty sensation in his chest that he was unfamiliar with.
He tried to join everyone in their attempts to comfort Gou, but in the end she cancelled practice for tomorrow. She said she needed to be alone and Haruka nodded, respecting her wishes. He was no good at comforting people anyway.
You know, one of my biggest insecurities about rewriting this fic like this is that I don't portray MakoHaru well. Like their relationship is supposed to be easy right? But I feel I'm not really having them flow as well as Rin and Haru-who in turn have a more passionate relationship. I just... uugghhh, how to write old married couple notp!? If you feel I'm not doing it justice, I'd appreciate some tips. Now excuse me while I research MakoHaru culture and sob. HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY BTW!
Review Replies:
TheDeadBeat: Hi! Thanks for reading. As a matter of fact Sousuke will be incorporated into this fic-because fuck yes, real competition for Rin's attention and bromance galore! And thank you for supporting me! It's good to be back... oh shit I feel cheesy XD.
Perjasicoslut: That's alright. Thank you anyway. I really appreciate your support because it was a pretty hard decision to make, revamping it. But I figured if I love this fic so much, I should write it right. I'm also going to angst over when the fuck they're getting together. But, I shall never stop writing! *japanese waves crash on rocks*
Cleffa: Yaaay! Thank you for saying that! I'm also very excited to continue writing this story since so many people liked it. Thank you for saying I'm amazing / I hope you liked this chapter too!
DarkenedWind: I'm excited too! I'm trying to write Makoto in a better, more characterized way seeing as I know more about him now. But things will definitely be stirred up!
Nighttime Mystery: Thanks for your looovee! And bruh, Haru may just one day realize XD
Guest: So I just want to clear up the misunderstanding that Haru might be leading Makoto on. He is not, they have a friends with benefits relationship that is consensual. The reason I changed Makoto to having a friends with benefits relationship is that I feel like this is more realistic than having Haru be basically blind the entire story. Haru could be oblivious to social norms but he, by no means, is dumb. I felt that making him so unnaturally oblivious would be characterizing him wrong because had Makoto dropped so many hints there's no way Haru wouldn't eventually understand. Putting them in this relationship makes it more understandable as to why Haru doesn't understand that Makoto is in love with him because they already have sex to "relieve urges" so he thinks but feelings are much easier to misunderstand so he is now out of the "oblivious shoujo heroine" route. I also feel that this relationship makes the story more appealing an realistic because friends with benefits relationships are easier to come by in modern times. I felt that this addition would make the story more relatable. Now that I'm done I hope you understand this new part. If you still don't like it, you're more than welcome to read something more suitable to your tastes.
Kiriko152: Hiya, thanks for saying you liked the old story. This one is just a better retelling with some minor changes. Ah, and don't worry, the HaruRin will be coming quiiiiteee soon. Please keep reading for more!
No0onat: Hiii friend! I'm so excited over the OVA but then I heard that a free! movie called "The melancholy of Rin Matsuoka" was going to be a thing and I just wanted to know if it was accurate. I fucking hope it's accurate!
: I'm too pumped over the OVA omg! Especially the endiiiiinnnnggg! Ugh!