-Note that although at this point he was aware that the 'Fell' brothers tendency to talk threateningly was just reputation-saving habit in their world, and not unprompted malice; if he wasn't already bare-bones naked in the bathroom shower at the time with nothing but what looked suspiciously to him like a Woshua's ducky for company, (he shrugged and placed it on his skull) Sans might have reacted to the loud idle threat on principle by teleporting up behind with empty eyesockets to ask Fell to repeat what was just said. But he opted to let this one go, as there's creepy and then there's naked creepy.-
Meanwhile, the human at the door a few feet away from those in the entrance-way didn't want to jump to conclusions about the oddly mirthful threat on its own. So was stood frozen in indecision with nothing to change that until the door ope-
Blue, not to be outdone on enthusiastic fervor, glanced at the semi-trailing shoelaces of his brother as he strolled to the front door, and made sure to add, "LAZY FOOTWEAR ASIDE, WE DO NEED TO BE VIGILANT TO ELIMINATE THE THREAT OF ANY UNUSUAL SKELETONS THAT COME TO THIS HOUSE!"
He also didn't moderate his speaking volume.
"heh, guys ix-nay on the 'urder-may" Orange half-joked as he opened the front door to see who it was. He hoped the front door was much more soundproof than the internal doors.
It wasn't.
Orange saw the little old lady at the door and considered she might be a little deaf at that age anyway.
She wasn't.
Mabel sought to deflect the question of why she was stood at their door with her arm stuffed down her blouse with a question of her own; " 'urder who?" She asked sweetly.
Orange sought to deflect any question about " 'urder" by deflecting with his own question, despite not really wanting to know any answer.
"why do you have your arm down your top?" He regretted before she even answered.
With a shameless lack of hesitation Mabel had the answer instantly, "Oh don't mind me dear they get a bit unruly in old age, I didn't expect anyone to get to the door so fast and you caught me making an adjustment…" She pulled her arm out and patted her front.
This was basically true. She had to think quick as it sounded like her little friend was a bit doomed if she didn't hide him after ringing the doorbell and hearing the startlingly close conversation in the entrance hall.
The skeleton who answered looked like he might be letting his cousins answer the door in future, especially with how he probably did hear her say "Stay" as she patted her bosom. But the two nearest house members had gone on their way to the kitchen since any dangerous elusive newcomers wouldn't just turn up and knock, -but could take advantage of the distraction of a visitor at the front door to sneak in, which is what Blue and Fell agreed as they went.
And Mabel regrettably had to double down on the awkwardness because she had another question that may not sound pertinent to him, but was possibly critical to know for the one she had been about to hand over.
"WHO IS THIS? AND WHY ARE YOU STANDING WITH THE DOOR WIDE OPEN UNSECURE WHEN WE HAVE POTENTIAL…" Came a voice from behind her; Black returning from his patrolling. He looked at Mabel as he walked up, "...VISITORS? DO WE WANT DRAFTS?"
Knowing she didn't expect to need a spare answer as to why she was paying her monster neighbors a surprise visit, Mabel opted to gain a few precious seconds to think of one by looking back to the orange dressed skeleton, -ah was he wearing the same thing he wore to the party months ago?- Orange, that's his name, and leaving it for him to ask her, as she smiled expectantly… He wore that to the summer barbeque too didn't he? Did he ever change or was there a wardrobe full of the same sweatshirts?...
Orange had started to ask her a question. -"Oh I'm sorry dear can you repeat that please, Im a little hard of hearing."- Orange squinted at her and repeated himself.
"...uh, how can we help you neighbor?"
From her route of escape, Black had stepped forward to scrutinize her reply, so between the piercing purple eyelights directed at her face from one side, and the mellow hooded sockets of Orange, Mabel floundered. She couldn't just turn up at their door then blurt out a random skeleton question. She needed something…
Fortunately, an unimportant distraction that had been at the back of her mind on the way over now blundered its way to the currently vacant spot at the front, and; "What's that burning smell?" came out instead.
Both skeletons subtly flinched a little and the sudden shifty reactions had the benefit of taking the heat off Mabel: They had a neighbor worried about a possible fire. This was manageable in the household's ongoing care of keeping good monster-human relations. They were prepared for this thanks to the actual fire that had been put out.
So Orange relaxed his posture and his grin seemed to stretch wider on his skull as he reached to scratch at the back of his neck, "ah that's nothing to worry about hun, sans was cleaning out the barbeque earlier but it ended up lit up"
"...but we gave him the extinguisher and he was de-lighted"
"URGH! REALLY ORANGE, AT THE DOOR?" Black rolled his eyelights.
"sorry, is it a tinder subject? my miss-steak" Orange looked pleased with himself.
"..." Black looked disappointed.
The metaphorical cogs in Mabel's head whirred and she spotted the chance for her question to fit the topic of magical skeleton well-being in smokey air.
Their neighbor opened her mouth to speak but Black impatiently got moving, ushering this inconvenient caller to enter the house too, whether she wanted to come in or not. He wanted to make sure the timing of this visit wasn't because of any so far non-existent interlopers having managed to encounter and be disruptive to the neighbors before being found and dealt with by themselves.
Orange stepped back to allow them in as his cousin carried on.
"HUMAN I KNOW YOU ARE OVERCOME BY THE PRESTIGE OF LIVING IN THE SHADOW OF THE MALEFICENT SA-, BLACK. IF YOU MUST INSIST ON PAYING TRIBUTE WITH A VISIT I MUST WARN YOU I AM COMPELLED TO MEET YOUR CHALLENGE WITH SUPERIOR HOSPITALITY. COME IN."
There was no breeze in the house but as Black paused to make a dramatic pose with his eyesockets shut, one gloved hand spread on his chest and his feet planted, the ends of his red bandana fluttered in the wind accordingly.
"Oh, uh, thank you?" hazarded Mabel, as she looked at her surroundings of an entranceway similar to her own house's, with the addition of a very nice chandelier hanging in the space leading to the stairs. The culprits of the previously overheard threats weren't in sight, but she could hear some muffled speaking coming from where the kitchen must be back on the left, since the house was one of those where the layout mirrored her own. A pleasant smell of cooking replaced the smokeyness from outside.
She took her chance; "I do actually have another question…"
"fire away"
"OF COURSE YOU DO OF COURSE-stop that-, COME AND SIT IN THE LIVING ROOM. WE CAN HAVE A FRIENDLY EXCHANGE OF QUESTIONS."
Mabel followed as he presented the way and Orange strolled across the room to the doorway towards the kitchen, leaning through before coming back to join them.
He leaned down behind the intent looking Black and asked; "not gonna grill the little old lady are ya pal?"
Black managed to lower his voice to respond that no, he didn't have the right tools for interrogation, but local humans turning up with 'questions' after the machine went active might be something to be on guard about. He may have slipped in that it was best not to brisket.
Mabel looked round at the abundance of furniture including two large couches centered on a massive TV with gaming systems in front, one recliner to one side of this setup, and another one the other side which came complete with a drowsy looking fluffy-hooded skeleton draped over backwards, so that his legs dangled down the back and his head, with one eye half open, rested upside down on the seat of the chair. He looked a lot like Orange if he had pointy teeth, one of which was gold like that Red had. The porch make-out session boyfriend Rus maybe, from what the forum gossipers had shared?
"BROTHER GET OFF THE FURNITURE WE HAVE A GUEST!" Black pointed at the floor, and to their visitor's surprise the berated brother went from his sleepy flop to jerking straight up and lightly onto his feet off the chair. He casually slouched over to stand beside his brother, as Orange leaned against the doorframe.
The little human picked the nearest couch to perch on the center of, with hands folded in the lap of her long chunky cardigan, so that she looked swamped by the furniture, and smiled up serenely. Internally she had decided time was up and she couldn't afford a second more of distraction, interruption, or polite introduction.
Black started, "NOW, WOULD -"
"Do-skeletons-need-to-breathe?"
Black faltered. The two lankier companions raised a browbone.
"NO, SKELETONS DO NOT NEED TO BREATHE" burst a voice from the entrance-way, as the front door opened then slammed. "IS THIS A SURPRISE QUIZ? I AM A SKELETON EXPERT. I AM ALSO A HUMAN EXPERT, BUT STILL ALSO A SKELETON."
Mabel noticeably sighed in relief, "Oh that's good!" as Orange, and Black's brother exchanged a look.
"OH HELLO HUMAN NEIGHBOR!" Papyrus leaned round the doorway before stepping into the room, dressed in shorts and t-shirt like he had just been to the gym. "I AM GLAD TO HEAR YOU ARE HAPPY WE CAN'T BREATHE. I MYSELF AM OUT OF BREATH AS YOU CAN SEE FROM RUNNING TWO LAPS AROUND OUR STREET AFTER THE PATROL TO FIND SKELETONS."
He deadpanned at the others looking from each other to himself for a moment before pointing a red gloved hand at them and adding, "I HAVE FOUND THE SKELETONS… GOOD." He paused. "AND DON'T WORRY, BREATHING IS MOSTLY OUT OF SOCIAL CONVENTION.
FOR US, NOT HUMANS."
Seeing Black looking skeptically at her after her small exclamation, while the other two had turned to Papyrus, Mabel sought to excuse herself by giving an obvious reason for the question, and clarified; "You see, that was why I came by! I was out looking for my cat, but smelling that smoke make me a bit worried your house was on fire! But if you don't need to breathe you're much safer from smoke inhalation than humans." She smiled.
Orange turned to face her and blinked at the statement.
"WAS THAT ALL YOU CAME TO ASK ABOUT, HUMAN? NO STRANGE ENCOUNTERS? NO UNUSUAL SOUNDS OR SIGHTS OF VIOLENCE IN THE GENERAL VICINITY OF THE STREET? NO OVERLY UNFRIENDLY, FRIENDLY OR, UH, SEXUALLY INAPPROPRIATE MONSTERS, PARTICULARLY SKELETONS? " Queried Black, who had stepped to loom ominously in front of his diminutive gray haired neighbor.
As much as she could wonder what that was all about later, it occurred to Mabel as she shook her head slowly that this might be her chance to get a couple more crucial quick answers on looking after an unexpected skeleton monster, possible child, possible very small adult, possible wanted criminal, guest. She was going to hold off for now at least, on bringing who she thought may have been a lost family member to their attention. He might well count as a strange encounter but she was no snitch to the defenseless.
Another reason she knew she was a favorite of her grandchildren.
"Well since you're asking dear I must admit I cant help being a little fascinated about monsters. And skeletons, you're very interesting!" She cooed. She didn't even need to lie about this, it was lucky happenstance of events. Magical beings! She made sure to slyly add; "But I'm sure you don't have time for this old lady's silly curiosity!"
"YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS." Came a voice from the hallway, deflating Mabel's sails and drawing the others attention. "-WE HAVE COMPLETED FOOD PREPARATIONS." Fell announced just past the doorway with a pink dish-towel over his black clad shoulder. He stepped back towards the stairs and yelled, "SANS!" then came back to the door to address their guest.
"HUMAN NEIGHBOR WILL YOU BE JOINING US IN THE DINING ROOM FOR DINNER?" He glowered, "IT IS STRONGLY RECOMMENDED."
On any other day, thought Mabel. She would have enjoyed being welcomed in and getting to know her newest neighbors more. "Oh my I would love to another time, but I have my own dinner in the oven at home and I need to get back to it soon."
"OH." Now it was Fell's turn to look a little deflated, "WELL, THAT CANT BE HELPED… BUT IF IT WAS MY COOKING YOU WOULD NOT BE SO ABLE TO RESIST."
He said it like a statement, but looked sideways at her with a little hesitation like it was a question, and her sharp old mind homed in on the pertinent information in her memory; "Oh if you're doing that lasagne from the party sometime I must have that again!" She exclaimed. "What ingredient gave it that nice crunch?"
"GLASS."
The sleepy hooded fellow now leaning on the couch tilted his skull to the side a little and Orange chuckled as Mabel did a fair job of keeping a poker face and nodding. She now possibly had the additional task of getting future-her out of eating glass.
Black watched her reaction and noted that the family had apparently been helped to move on a little in human health standards since the springtime, "COMMENDABLE, HUMAN. WE HAVE ONLY GROWN IN SKILL AT HUMAN COOKING TECHNIQUES AFTER HEARING THAT MOST OF YOUR KIND HAS INTOLERANCES TO SHARP AND CHALLENGING FOODS. TO BE MORE INCLUSIVE WE HAVE STARTED USING SUBSTITUTE INGREDIENTS SUCH AS FOOD SAFE GLITTER AND CROUTONS."
Her sigh of relief may have been kept internal this time but the two amused skeletons looking at her did appear to have the sparkle of mirth in their eye-sockets. Although Fell looked a little disappointed.
A thought occurred that she might have to personally face the consequences of along with everyone else, but Mabel just couldn't resist and piped up with a big smile. "Hmm food safe glitter is very clever but croutons are quite the switch… You know, Fell?... There is always sugar glass that is safe to eat for humans? Maybe you could learn to make that instead of using croutons?"
She wickedly noted the two brief grimaces, as Fell meanwhile perked up at the idea. "HUMAN! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN A TRUE CONNOISSEUR OF COOKING WOULD MISS MY SUPERIOR STYLE OF LASAGNE ENOUGH TO SUGGEST SUCH A PROMISING WORKAROUND! I WILL HAVE OUR HUMAN ASSIST ME SINCE SHE ENJOYS LEARNING NEW CULINARY SKILLS." At this he turned on his heel back towards the kitchen.
Ah so that was the young lady's doing. Some good self-preservation there. Mabel elegantly held a softly wrinkled hand to her breastbone as she leaned forward to stand up, as Black backed off. "Well I best be off. What are you eating? Not barbecue im guessing?" she chuckled mildly.
"NO?", said Papyrus. "WE PUT THE BARBECUE AWAY AFTER THE MODIFICATIONS WE MADE IN JUNE PROVED HAZARDOUS TO THE ENVIRONMENT. WE ARE HAVING CASSEROLE."
The others flinched, and Orange spoke up, "and thats why sans was fixing it up and caused all that smoke" He stood up straighter briefly at this, then looked down as his hoody bulged, and he quickly went back to his slouch against the doorframe, looking sideways up at an interesting spot on the wall.
"AH, THAT WOULD BE A PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION."
"Oh, so skeletons can eat human food? They don't need magical food or anything then?"
A few skulls shook amiably, and Papyrus explained, "NO, HUMAN, WE CAN LIVE OFF HUMAN FOOD AS MUCH AS MONSTER FOOD, BUT THERE IS A LOT OF NICE MONSTER FOOD WE AND HUMANS CAN EAT!"
"Oh that's lovely," said Mabel as she smoothed out her cardigan and slowly began to amble to the doorway as she conversed. "Do you have any intolerances then yourselves?"
"NO! NOT AGAINST ANYTHING OTHER THAN POOR EATING HABITS OF TOO MUCH JUNK-FOOD," He declared, briefly scowling, "AS SOME OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS TEND TOWARDS."
"Any allergies?"
"ERM, NO?"
"Nothing deadly poisonous?"
"...UH."
The old human laughed and waved away the awkwardness, "Oh don't mind my silliness, I'm not going to poison anyone, it's just nice to know if there's anything to avoid to help keep my neighbors safe."
Orange and the others relaxed a bit, but Black froze a little and asked "...SAFE FROM WHAT?"
"I have no idea! That's why I'm asking." She chirped, and stopped in the entrance hall to think a moment, as sounds of activity with clinking dishware and muted talking drifted out from the room across from them, "How about cold?... I mean would I need to turn my heating up or down if any of you lovely boys come to see me?"
Papyrus leaned in suddenly to face her extremely closely, "HUMAN." He paused. "THAT'S VERY CONSIDERATE OF YOU," He stood back as he held his jaw in thought to respond further.
As this exchange took place, purple eyelights flicked in Mabel's direction from where Black had been distracted by his line of thought, and he strode after them to intercept any quick exit and better assess this strangely prying individual.
"HUMAN! I MUST INSIST ON COMPLETING PROPER HOSPITALITY." He stepped closer. "GOOD FORM DEMANDS I MUST OFFER YOU REFRESHMENTS SUCH AS TEA." Another step forward. "WE CAN TALK MORE ABOUT WHY YOU ARE SPECIFICALLY SO INTERESTED TO LEARN OF WAYS WE COULD COME TO HARM."
At this point Papyrus's brother Sans came strolling in from the doorway Mabel and Papyrus had just passed through like he was caught passing by. The head of the household was looking absurdly comfortable in a big pink fluffy sweater that swamped his short stature with what were either short pants or long shorts underneath as he went to stand with his back to the front door.
"hey guys, why don't you all catch some food, it's just hitting the table. me and my bro can finish seeing our guest out" He looked at Black. "you too black, you've worked your coccyx off today, and the uh, barbecue incident wasn't your fault"
He felt a little guilty he may have kinda not corrected Black from assuming that earlier. Sans had been a little annoyed at his counterpart rashly diving into the shed as they ran the machine. He had apparently assumed it was more than a test run, and ran in with the flimsy excuse that 'they hadn't asked his permission to run it yet'. Sans didn't need to puzzle out the real reason. He thought he was going to lose Y/N by being sent home suddenly. He begrudgingly couldn't be annoyed at the guy for that.
Black's expression shifted at that revelation and he looked at Sans, then warily at her, but stopped advancing to stand at a nonchalant sort of parade rest with his gloved hands behind his back, and conceded "VERY WELL, IF THIS IS THE WAY YOU WISH TO DISPOSE OF THIS… SOCIAL ETIQUETTE, I WILL JOIN THE OTHERS AND LEAVE THIS TO YOU." He inclined his skull to Mabel slightly and gave a small polite nod, "IT WAS INTERESTING MEETING YOU… UH. -HUMAN!" He caught himself, and turned on his heel to the dining room.
Dammit how had he not got her name? No matter, he could have his brother check the postbox at her house.
Sans grinned up at Mabel from the depths of his oversized roll-neck. "heh, sorry i couldn't come say hi earlier neighbor, i was still cleaning up after dealing with the shed"
Mabel blinked at him, "-Wait, you fired a barbecue up inside your shed?"
"..."
"yes"
He seemed to disappear further into the roll-neck like he was looking to escape. "hehe yeah… i uh, guess i made an ash of myself?" Inspiration brought him back out of the sweater to gleefully spout; "but it was smo-kay in the end!" as a red gloved skeletal arm came straight down to grab his skull.
"NEIGHBOR HUMAN PLEASE FORGIVE MY BROTHER."
The neighbor human wondered what for, but smiled vacantly anyway, as Papyrus continued to bear down on his brother. "WE ARE HELPING THE HUMAN COMPLETE A SURPRIZE QUIZ ON SKELETON MONSTERS AND THEY WANT TO KNOW IF WE GET COLD SANS." He stated. "ARE YOU COLD BROTHER?"
"nope" Came from the cozy depths.
"HMM THAT ISN'T A VERY GOOD QUIZ ANSWER."
"It's okay, I can just turn up the thermostat anyway just in case of company?..." Tried Mabel, weakly. She really had hoped to find out about this one before going home, and she had run out of bluff, as her smile fell thoughtfully.
"well, cold and heat does affect us, but not like you humans." Sans had emerged to observe her as his sibling released him. He considered for a moment and went into further detail, "for monsters, especially undead, some things like heat and cold are often more an emotional effect than physical. like, we could wander in the arctic in shorts and t-shirts, but being homeless in the cold we would feel the effects of cold through feeling neglected or abandoned…" His thoughts drifted happily to the lovingly handmade sweater.
"WE CAN TAKE A PAN OUT OF THE OVEN WITHOUT MITTS IF WE WANTED BUT A FLAMETHROWER TO THE FACE WOULD HURT" Supplied Papyrus.
"Oh! Thank you both that really does put my mind at ease. Well there's no flamethrowers around here so you don't need to worry about that!" She mentally kicked herself. "-Well, I best get home to my cooking and not take up anymore of your supper-time!"
"sure thing, nice to chat to you again neighbor, bro you wanna get the door?" The fluffy skeleton wandered off to the dining room in a dream.
As he opened the door and Mabel stepped out and turned to go, Papyrus paused, then cheerfully bade her farewell. "I HOPE YOU MANAGE TO FIND YOUR CAT. IT'S BEEN GRATE TO SEE YOU AND FRANKS FOR COMING!" Which caused her to pause for just a moment to second guess what was just said, as her passenger chose the worst timing to start to giggle. Well there was no covering that up, she thought. Unless -
"meow"
Or that. "Ah… I found my cat." She said seriously. "There you are. Schnookums." She glared into the visibly shaking section of the cardigan.
"THAT WOULD BE A PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION"
"..."
"WELL GOODBYE!" Papyrus slammed the door.
"I WONDER WHY IT WAS MEOWING IN LOWER CASE." He said to himself.
After what had turned into a long and eventful day, Orange made it through supper unsuspected, despite some close calls earlier and during their meal when he couldn't excuse himself, and he was finally able to retire to his room. Sighing in relief he faced the bed, stood up straight, and shook out his hoodie, as a receipt and an avalanche of sweets poured out. The combination of a deep pocket inventory and a natural void in the abdominal area was something he found to be a joy in life sometimes.
An elderly lady sighed in relief as she got in her door, dropped her keys on the side table and stood over her cushioned couch, shaking her cardigan to drop out… She shook her top to drop out… Where was he? She glared accusingly down her blouse, then up at the room, then made eye contact. There back on the arm of her chair sat her little friend, leaning back on his tiny hands, looking even more tired than before.
"Oh don't look so traumatized, I've got three layers on and you were only in the blouse, you're fine. What do you want for dinner? And what do I call you little Sansy?" Mabel teased.
"...Oooh! Hoho. Sannnssy!" She pointed and giggled wickedly.
He said nothing about it, but… he actually didn't mind that name.
Authors Notes:
For anyone wondering which Fellswap is in this story, noting here that they are basically the early style of Fellswap known as Red, so the Papyrus nicknamed Rus here is pretty much the same, but I am mixing it up a little with Black because I love him to have a more Fellswap Gold social discipline. And purple eyelights because purple suits him!
For anyone unfamiliar with these AU Undergrounds, maybe think of it as basic Fell universes & Fellswaps = Barbarian murdertown where they gotta act tough, and ones such as Fellswap Gold = Dystopian militaristic town with more paperwork and dangerous bureaucracy. So them ending up in such a peaceful life can be both unnerving and freeing for them.
Get your fingers on the buzzer for: a) Papyrus is oblivious b) Papyrus just didn't care to think into it or c) Papyrus knows, but behaves this way on purpose.