To make this more fun to you the reader, I suggest putting on the theme from Video Game Confessions ( /watch?v=tCrrZ1NnCuM )

"This is Ryo Nazo Blackthorn, a Time Patroller and younger brother to Joshinari Blackthorn. Ryo works in the seven-star restaurant known as the Tori Dragon Palace (which is two blocks away from the Pixel Palace). Now it has expanded where all across the media, all around the multiverse, many pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories, and even secrets. Because—as we all know—what the bartender hears is confidential... isn't it?"

Episode 4 – Velma Dinkley

So here I was tending the bar and walking in on someone who's one of the cartoon bigshots, Velma Dinkley. However, she looks utterly depressed as she comes up to the bar and asks for a big glass of Zombie. I hastily make it and serve it…leaving an awkward silence between us.

But I break the silence.

"Man, fuck Mindy Kaling, am I right? She's right up there with Ken Penders."

That got Velma to laugh…and laugh hard before she took a sip.

"Ok, that made me feel better. I shouldn't be too down, the corporate hacks are getting raked over the coals." Velma said mirthfully to me. "Especially after I leaked the movies."

I laugh at this. Velma basically explained that she was against Mindy Kaling taking the reins for the new show, but she was ignored. So she said she had started leaking shit and exposing people as revenge.

"The only good thing that useless show has done was give me a break from the R34 horndogs that I may have paid to speed production. 'Velma' kept whining about it, but I just loved telling her that she could not do anything about it. The sad thing is…I think I think I went too far."

She looked me in the eye as she finished her drink.

"When the last episode of that god-awful season came out on TV, I found her trying to overdose on pills. Of course, I got her to a hospital and she pretty much broke down. Seems even though she had her limits…she kept getting compared to me. All the hate got to her…"

I pour her another drink.

"I think she's gaining enough intelligence to realize she isn't a narc like her creator. I pity her more than despise her now."

She finished another drink as I asked about the Hex Girls.

"Oh they were pissed to have their movie canceled…and told Kaling to shove it when she asked if they'd appear in Velma."

That got a smile on my face and a bigger one seeing the Hex Girls arrive at the bar. A childhood crush finally realized as they ordered drinks. Of course, I schmooze my way to convince them to play a set at the Tori Dragon Palace for a nice big paycheck. Even got them to perform the songs that would have been in the movie that was canceled. All and all, a profitable night…but the next night…Velma would show up again…this time with the Reboot version of her.

She wanted a favor, getting her rebooted self resettled. Apparently, the self-insert got self aware and wanted out. Velma was more than happy to help just to piss off Kapoo…no Kalin…actually Kashit is more like it. Of course, I get the former self-insert a new identity, some cash, and ticket out of the verse elsewhere. Considering all twenty episodes were shot, they don't really need her anyway. I kinda pity her…all she knows is how to be a turd to people. In the multiverse, that's the quickest way to meet your end.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender, see a lot of strange things at the Tori Dragon. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Tori Dragon, and that isn't no lie. Swear to it!

(A/N: Velma Dinkley really was one of the many people's animated crushes, wasn't she? Too bad the Velma show shat on the character wasting art on garbage writing, identity politics, and one woman's ego trip.)