Chapter 5

I was too much of a chicken. I was too scared to talk to him. Deep down, I knew it was because I was scared that I could never talk to him again. So instead, I just kept running away from him. Every time he tried to approach me, I made up some excuse and left him. And every time, Siobhan swooped in straight away. I tried not to care but I felt so jealous watching her talk to him.

One day, I was sitting outside. I finished my shift in the hospital and I was enjoying the setting sun. My eyes were closed but I heard someone sit down next to me. I opened my eyes and saw Red. He was wearing that white shirt and grey tracksuits, so I assumed he was on his way to the gym. My stomach made a really weird movement. Is this what they call butterflies? Because if it is I am not sure why people are so obsessed with it. I did not like it one bit. For a while we were just sitting next to each other silently.

- It is nice that you are not running away for a change – he said finally. Not in an upset way. It was more matter of fact. Suddenly I felt very awkward.

- I was not running away – I felt like I needed to make an excuse. I did not want to hurt him. But I knew I could not run away anymore, and I had to talk to him honestly.

– I am just not sure what you want from me. I don't think I can offer more than friendship – I looked him in the eye. He smiled.

- I have been told that I am a great friend – I smiled back. However, I saw disappointment in his eyes and maybe hurt?

- Why would you want to be friends with me?

- You seem like a cool, intelligent, and interesting person.

- You know they use interesting to describe a person who is quite fucked up or weird - He laughed. My god that laughter. I could have listened to it the whole day.

- Well, everyone seems normal until you get to know them so I will decide on that later.

- Just be careful. If you find out too much, you might want to run away – I meant it as a joke but in reality, this was one of the reasons I did not want to let anyone get close to me. I was fucked up in the head.

- Yeah, I don't scare that easily.

- Fine then, friend – when I called him that, I felt a stab in my heart. I thought he is going to get up and leave and will never talk to me again. So, I was surprised when he stayed, and we chatted for an hour.

The next day, I was having dinner with Siobhan, and she was basically interrogating me the whole time about me and Red.

- How many times do I have to tell you that we are just friends? – I was so annoyed.

- Please, you guys talk all the time. Like last night after your shift. Or the night after the party. – What the fuck? Is she keeping tabs on me? A bit creepy but okay.

- You know friends talk right? Like we used to – Our relationship became more distant, the more I talked to Red. It really bothered me but seeing this side of her made me question how good our friendship really was.

- Friends don't look at each other the way you look at him. It is so obvious that you like him and as your friend, I am telling you that the way you constantly run after him is getting quite embarrassing. Everyone can see that.

- Okay, I don't know what the fuck got into you today, but I am not sitting here and listening to this – I took my tray and marched back to the hospital. Two soldiers were sitting inside, and one had a bleeding arm. I also saw Red talking to Doc nearby. I went up to the bleeding soldier and told him to come to the clinic room with me.

- Nurse, I am not feeling well either – the other one, I think he was called Gerald, said in that typical voice that made nurses look like sex objects. I could see Red tense up and took a step forward. I turned my head towards Gerald and gave him a stern, I-am-not-taking-your-sexist-bullshit look.

-You will live – I said with a strict tone. From the corner of my eye, I could see Red smirk.

The next day, I was walking back to the hospital from the military base. Red was walking next to me in his full uniform as he was patrolling the perimeter of the mission. Or at least he said something along those lines. We were talking and suddenly his hand accidently touched mine. It set my whole body on fire. I looked at him while walking and when our eyes met, I got so lost in them that I didn't see a branch in front of me and tripped. I would have fallen on the ground if he hadn't caught me. His strong arms were around me and I was pulled into his chest. He was so close to me, and my breath was caught in my throat. We were looking at each other. Neither of us said a word and neither of us moved. I wished that moment could have lasted forever. But obviously it didn't.

- Araminta, we need you inside – I heard Siobhan calling me in a not so nice voice. We separated and he smiled at me.

- Have a good day – and with that he left.

- Just friends huh – Siobhan said when I reached her. I decided to just walk past and ignore her comment.

That night, I did not sleep well. I kept thinking about Siobhan. I decided to talk to her the next morning and straighten things out.

Next morning I found her in the staff mess, eating her breakfast.

- Hey can I have a quick chat with you?

- I am not finished with my food yet – I felt hurt when she said that but decided to catch her later. Towards the end of the day, I found her in the nursing office if you can even call it that. It was more like a makeshift cabin with a few chairs, a table, and some shitty lighting. But on my first day I was told it is an office so we just gonna go with that. I sat down next to her, but she didn't even look at me.

- So, I just wanted to chat with you – I started

- Yeah, you already said.

- Okay what is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? We are friends.

- Oh yeah you are such a great friend. Don't pretend that you care about my feelings – I was losing my patience with this shit.

- Is this about James?

- So, he is James now, not Red? You too must get along really well.

- We are just friends. I told you already.

- Don't bullshit me. I can see how much you want him.

- Alright, listen. I told you when we became friends that I am not a relationship kind of person, and I would not want a one night stand with anyone here - she snickered.

- It is not that far from who you really are tho is it? – It was a low blow.

- Yes, you know about my past. But we have known each other for a year. You know how I am.

- Well, it seems like old habits die hard. And knowing about your past is exactly why I do not trust you.

- Okay I am not even going to react to this because I know you are upset. But just humour me for a second. How do you see this whole thing pan out between you and James with you being a nun?

- It is not your business what I do.

- Alright I feel like we both need to take a step back and calm down a bit. But I think we should talk later.

- Don't even bother – she said and left.

Next day, I approached her again during our break. When she saw me entering the office, she rolled her eyes.

- Siobhan – I started – I know we both said things we did not mean.

- I meant everything I said – she cut me off.

- Okay listen. I am really trying here. I do not want a guy to come between us. If that makes you happy, I will not talk to him again and you can have him all to yourself.

- How charitable of you letting me have a guy I liked first after you finished fucking him.

- Excuse me? I never had sex with him. Not even close.

- Who are you kidding Araminta? You might be able to fool other people, but I know who you are. – I never felt such a strong urge to kick someone in the mouth.

- Fuck you – that is all I said and walked out the door. However, in the last minute I turned around and said – You know what Siobhan? You were right, he does like me and now that I think about it, since our friendship is going to shit, I might actually fuck him– Of course I said it all just to piss her off. I hurried to the computer room fuming. I was glad to find that no one was there. I didn't really use this room as often as other people. This was the only place where you could video call your relatives and friends. Since I didn't really have a family, the only people I ever called were my aunty in New York and my best friend Eve.

- Hey girl – Eve said when she picked up my call. And without waiting for her to say anything else, I just let it all out on her, basically in one breath. But I intentionally left out the tiny detail that I am attracted to Red as well. When I finished my bitching, I apologised.

- I am so sorry Eve. I know we haven't talked for a while.

- It's fine babe. She sounds like a right cunt. Nun my ass – She scoffed. I loved her like a sister.

- I really miss you – I said, tears swelling in my eyes.

- Well, you don't have to miss me for too long. I am coming in a week bissss.

- What? How?

- I talked to Pete, and you know I always wanted to work in a mission like this and with my bestie being there it is perfect.

- Is Pete okay with this?

- Didn't really give him a choice to be honest. But yeah, he is fine. I think he is more okay with it since we gonna be together.

- Oh my God, I swear I could cry right now. I am sooo happy – we were chatting for an hour about her coming and the details of her journey. I felt very energetic going back to my room and could barely fall asleep.