Author's note: This chapter contains references to drug abuse, sexual abuse, abortion and paedophilia.

Chapter 10

I was absolutely fuming in my room. I tried to calm myself down by walking up and down. I really wanted to be alone. Then I heard a light knock on my door. I turned around and James walked in. We were staring at each other for a few seconds, then he took a small step towards me.

- Minty what's going on? – he asked me.

- I don't want to talk about it – I replied, and I was about to turn my back to him and continue my pacing when he came over and turned me towards him.

- What happened? – he asked again – Please talk to me – there was a softness in his voice that almost made me open up to him. Almost.

- I heard what happened and it doesn't sound like you.

- Doesn't sound like me? – I said with a sarcastic tone in my voice. – And how would you know? – I snapped and looked him in the eye.

- No offence but we met 3 months ago. You know nothing about me.

- I know you are a kind and caring person.

- Well maybe I am not, okay? Maybe I am a bad person who just lashes out at people when she loses her shit. In fact, maybe you should stay away from me before I lash out at you as well. – If I wasn't this angry, I would have found this quite funny, considering he was in tier 1 SEAL team, a highly trained soldier who was twice my size. I tried to go around him, but he gently pushed me back in front of him. It was pissing me off.

- I know you had some tension between you and Siobhan recently, but you were friends and then….

- Then you came – I said cutting him off.

- How am I connected to this? - He was confused and dropped his hands to his sides. I laughed sarcastically again.

- Oh my God how can men be so blind? Even the ones who are trained to notice everything – I turned my back to him and took a few steps.

- I still don't get what this whole thing has to do with me – I quickly turned on my heels to face him.

- Everything. Absolutely everything. She is in love with you. She has been in love with you from the moment you arrived Red – I could see hurt in his eyes as I called him by his SEAL name. Our relationship was way beyond such formalities. I was letting it all out on him, I knew.

- But she is a….

- Nun? Yeah – I cut him off again. – But she is also a woman. Gosh she would even stop being a nun just to be with you.

- But I don't like her like that.

- Yeah, well she definitely likes you like that – I let out a frustrated sigh – She started to become jealous when we started to spend more and more time together. And now she is saying things out of revenge in the hope of tarnishing my reputation so you would not talk to me again – typical female move if I might add and it seems like even nuns are not above it.

- Minty we all have a past – when he said that I could see his eyes going a bit darker and I knew he was remembering some of the horrible things he must have experienced during his deployments. – Listen I am not sure what Siobhan was referring to, but I would not look at you differently – I was staring at the ground. He gently took both of my hands.

- Please talk to me – I looked up at him. There was this softness in his eyes. Eve's words were running across my mind, and I knew I had to give a chance to a man at one point in my life if I didn't want to die alone. Maybe this was the time. But I was scared to death. I had feelings for him, and I was not sure how I would deal with the rejection. But either way, he would find out about everything sooner or later so it might as well just come from me. After a few seconds of internal struggle, I sighed.

- Sit – I said and went to my bed, sat down and he followed me. My brain was screaming for me not to do it, but I wanted to take back the power from Siobhan. I was staring at my knees, and I could feel him staring at me. And finally, I started.

- So, when I was 16, I was kind of in a dark place. I was spiralling out of control, and I was taking a lot of drugs, cocaine, mushrooms, LSD, weed, you name it. My dealer said that he would give me some free drugs. First, I didn't want it, but he kept pushing me to take more coke. I don't really remember much after that, only waking up next to him. At the time I didn't really think much of it, I was so high. But when I sobered up a bit, I felt guilty and disgusting. So, I started to use even more. A few weeks later I realized that I was pregnant, and I got an abortion. It was completely legal, and I never told the guy. But I felt awful, and I realized that I cannot go on like this. So, I got clean and put myself through nursing school and I never touched any drugs since then. When I came to the mission, I became friends with Siobhan and in a weaker moment I told her my story. I thought I could trust her. So yeah, this is what she has been referring to so subtly – When I finished, I looked up at him expecting to see him looking disgusted. After all I just confessed to being a junky, getting pregnant from my dealer and having an abortion. Not the best picture to paint of yourself. To my surprise his eyes were full of kindness and sympathy. For a while neither of us said anything.

- I am really sorry. But you know what happened was sexual assault. It was not your fault – He said finally.

- Yeah, now I do. But back then I felt like it was all my fault, like I was asking for it. I still feel like that a bit – I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes and he put his arm around my shoulder, and I rested my head on his. We were silent again for a while but not in an uncomfortable way.

- If you don't mind me asking what made you start using drugs at such a young age? – I sat back up. Here was fucking go….I was about to open my mouth to say something when Zee entered my room.

- Sorry guys. LT wants you – he said addressing Red.

- Can you hold on for a sec? – he asked.

- He wants you right away – he said and left. Red looked at me, stood up from my bed.

- We will talk later – it was more of a question than a statement. I nodded and before he left, he looked back at me from the door. After he was gone, I let out a small smile and lay down on my bed. I knew I had to go back to the hospital, but it took me 10 minutes to get me moving again. I went up to a patient to change the dressing on his wounds. He looked at me positively petrified. He probably heard about my little outburst and was scarred that an absolute nutjob is looking after him.

- Don't worry, I am not gonna lose my shit on you – I said and finished my work in silence. He looked relieved when I was done. I was in the nursing office filling out forms and medication charts. I was done with all of it in an hour, but I didn't move. I was pretending to double check my work, although it was absolutely unnecessary as I was alone.

Eve was outside of the hospital. Minty made it very clear that she did not want to talk to anyone, and she knew her best friend. When she got really upset, she needed time to calm down. However, she knew that Red spent quite a bit of time in her room, and she was happy about it. She saw him coming towards her.

- How is she? – she asked him.

- Well not that great but I am going to the hospital now to talk to her again – When Eve looked into Red's eyes she saw love. He was in love with her best friend. And she could tell Minty was in love with him too. They were perfect for each other.

- She is in the nursing office.

I was deep in my thoughts when a hand on my shoulder brought me out of my daze. It was James.

- Is everything okay? – I asked

- Yeah, everything is fine. Do you want to continue talking? It is up to you; I am not going to force anything. – I really wanted to say no but I already got this far so I just wanted to let everything out.

- Sure – we left the hospital and went back to the staff accommodation. This time we were sitting outside on the stairs. The air was hot, and it was already dark. We were sitting next to each other and there was uncomfortable silence.

- So….- he said.

- So…..- I repeated. I knew I cannot back out now. For some reason, I wanted him to know. But I was so scared. I never opened up to a man like this before.

- So, when I was 5 – I started – my father died of cancer. My mother remarried when I was 12, which you already know – he nodded - My stepfather was also a doctor, but he was not a good man. He would get drunk regularly. Then one night when I was 13, I was about to fall asleep when I heard the door open. He came in drunk and reeking of tequila. He came into my bed, put his hand on my mouth and raped me. I was still a virgin. After he left, I was hoping that it was a one-time thing, and I could just forget all about it. But I was so wrong. He regularly raped me after that. When I felt like I could not handle it anymore, I told my mum. She said that she knew about it and blamed me for seducing her husband – I let out a small smile and I looked up at him. His eyes were full of rage and anger.

- That was when I decided to run away from home. I went to New York and lived with my aunty, my dad's sister. Then I got in with a bad crowd who were doing drugs, like most people in our neighbourhood. I moved in with some of the girls and started doing drugs myself. Being high helped me escape from my past. Anyway, I never talked to my mum again.

- What happened to your stepfather? – he asked, voice shaking from anger.

- I never reported him. He was the town doctor so no one would have believed me. Last I heard he broke up with my mum 2 years after I ran away and disappeared. No one knows where he is.

- If he hasn't disappeared, I swear…- He didn't finish the sentence but looked at me. – I am so sorry – he said softly – but no one will ever hurt you again. I promise I will not let that happen – he caressed my cheek with his thumb and for some reason I believed him. I believed that I would be safe as long as he was by my side. This was also the first time I didn't feel disgusted being touched after talking about my past.

- Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it must have been hard – I nodded – and I will not look at you in any different way. If anything, you just became the strongest woman in my eyes.

- That is a serious complement coming from a SEAL – I smiled and he smiled back. For a while we were sitting in silence, listening to the birds and animals in the jungle surrounding us. I felt horribly tired. Both physically and mentally.

- I have an early shift tomorrow so I should go. But thank you for today James – I intentionally emphasized his name.

- You gonna be okay alone?

I really wanted to ask him to stay with me. But you know, I am a strong independent woman and all that. Plus, I didn't want to seem weak.

- Yeah I will be fine – we both stood up and I could see him hesitate on how to say goodbye. In the end he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. It was so sweet. We said good night and I returned to my room. I took a cold shower in the staff bathroom. The mission only had cold water from the river nearby. Then I basically collapsed on my bed and fell asleep.

On his way back to base, Red saw Siobhan outside the hospital and anger spread through his chest.

- Siobhan – he called out to her. When she turned around, she gave him a wide smile.

- Hi, how are you? – she asked him happily. Red could tell that she thought her little plan worked.

- I will only tell you this once – he said coming up to her– If you ever say anything about Minty again, talk to her, or look at her the wrong way, I will make you regret it – now, it was not his style to threaten women. He would never hurt a woman. But he wanted to scare her. He was not proud of it but his protectiveness over Minty took over.

- I was only doing it for you to realize who she really is. To protect you.

- It only made me realize who you really are. And it made me love her even more. I never had feelings for you. It has never been you. It has always been her from the very first moment I saw her, so get that through your head – he could see her tearing up. He turned around and left.