Chapter 2 - Day One: Revenge of the Sith

Author's Note: I won't be posting the next chapter for the next two or three weeks, just in case anyone wonders about lack of updates. :)

Warning: Suicidal thoughts. Basically typical Vader horror and angst.

~ Tirana Sorki

Wherever Luke is, Vader is going to find him. But he's been sensing an unrelated, growing disturbance in the Force ever since he went to meditate in his pod. His fleet is supposed to be tracking down the Millennium Falcon and they should be competent enough to do that without his constant presence. He needs a moment to collect himself. This is the first time he's been close to meeting someone who is… family in years.

The last was Ahsoka on Malachor.

Before that was Obi-Wan on Jabi'im, and then Mustafar.

And Padme before that.

All of them wanted him dead. He doesn't know that Luke isn't going to be the exact same way. And he'd be lying to say that he isn't… terrified of that. Terrified to know if his son is going to react the exact same way as the rest of his family, because why wouldn't he? His son doesn't even know him. Ahsoka did. And she still tried to kill him. (Even if Vader understands it. It's not like he doesn't deserve it. Doesn't mean he's ready to stare into the face of the last family member he has as they try to kill him.)

He needs to be ready to face Luke when he arrives, hence why he's in his pod right now, struggling to gain some semblance of control over himself.

But the disturbance in the Force is only growing. Something's about to happen. He feels it as a Force wave explodes outwards, and it feels like he's falling, floating through nothingness, before being abruptly jolted back to reality.

The cold surface of the floor beneath him is the first thing that registers in Vader's mind.

Wait.

He – When was the last time he felt a sensation like that?

His eyes fly open, blinking up at the room surrounding him. It's the bridge of some ship, but something's wrong. He's not seeing it in red. Everything has color. Why's he not seeing in red? Why can he feel anything physically at all, other than the leather and metal of his suit?

Why does the Force suddenly feel all wrong? It's too Light. It shouldn't be this Light. Hasn't been since the Jedi were destroyed. And why does he sense Sidious and Obi-Wan right nearby?

Vader jolts upright, gasping faintly as the cool sensation of metal greets his left hand. He can feel it.

But taking one look around the room makes him freeze entirely.

It looks exactly like the Invisible Hand. None other than Dooku himself is fighting Obi-Wan, at the top of the familiar stairs. The exact memory of the ship faded from mind over the years – it was hardly important – but he still remembers it the moment he sees it again. And he's fully human except for his right arm. One quick look down is enough to see that he… he's in Jedi robes, the same ones he wore a lifetime ago.

And across the room is Sidious himself, stun-cuffed to the seat where he's watching the battle, as though he wasn't the one who set every bit of this up in the first place. It's jarring to see his Palpatine face again.

The one who Vader once saw as a friend, not a…. master.

Vader has no idea how, but somehow, he just woke up in the past. The way the Force is still moving in turmoil around him makes him doubt that it's something permanent, not that any of this makes a grain of sense, but he has no idea how this happened or why it's happening. Why would the Force send him to the past? That doesn't make any sense.

The sound of clashing lightsabers draws his gaze back to Dooku and Obi-Wan

Obi-Wan, who looks exactly the same way he did that day on Mustafar.

When Vader lost every bit of the sensation he has, every… everything and he'd almost forgotten somehow how much he lost until he can sit here feeling it all right now. It's beyond overwhelming. He needs to get up, but all he can think about is that he can feel.

But everyone on board is an enemy.

Well.

Technically, Obi-Wan isn't his enemy right now but Vader can't really imagine anything else. It's not like that's going to stay true the moment Obi-Wan realizes he Fell.

It's strange to think that he – he's alive again.

He's seen it over and over in his mind enough times, that moment he cut Obi-Wan down. Never wants to think about it and sometimes it doesn't feel like he even killed him anyway. Not the man who raised him, just… whatever it was he became, a broken shell that was everything Anakin once believed Obi-Wan never could be, back when he was foolish enough to trust others.

But Obi-Wan was dead and Vader knew he – he wouldn't come back to hurt him again. But that's certainly not true now. He's here and he's alive and he looks exactly like he did on Mustafar, and – and –

But Sidious is the biggest threat. The fear that crawls into his throat, swallowing him whole at the mere mention of his master's name – not to mention being in his presence – floods him. It's a familiar sensation, one he's long grown accustomed to.

Sidious is the one who destroyed everything, who took everything from him, and if Vader destroyed him right now, he'll be able to catch him off-guard. This Sidious isn't his master. Not yet at least, so maybe –

That's enough to spur him into motion, and he drags himself to his feet.

Only to go sprawling flat on his face, because he threw too much force into trying to stand and he wasn't expecting to feel the floor beneath his feet.

It's beyond bizarre to actually feel like what it's like to stand on the floor again. Didn't realize how much he missed feeling the floor beneath him. Vader forces himself upright again, ignoring his instant swell of frustration, right as Dooku lifts Obi-Wan in a Force-choke, flinging him across the deck into the railing beyond. Vader lashes out instinctively, wrapping the Force around Dooku's neck, breaking his hold before he can knock the balcony onto Obi-Wan like he did last time.

Dooku's eyes widen in surprise, perhaps at the sheer intensity of the Dark Side he's raiding, as Vader flings him back into a nearby wall hard enough to momentarily stun him.

He needs to deal with Sidious right now, not Dooku. The all-encompassing panic that swells inside of him as he turns to look at Sidious is instinctual.

He's been entertaining the thought of killing Sidious for years, but never – never like this. Sidious is still his master at the end of the day and Vader owes him everything and Sidious always sees it coming before he can even think of a plan. He doesn't wait, just crushing. He feels it when Sidious reacts, trying to stop him, but he's too taken by surprise to expect it when Vader crushes his neck.

The Sith slumps forward, going motionless. Vader feels it as their bond shatters.

He's… dead.

It almost felt… too easy? Like Sidious couldn't possibly be gone just like that, like he's definitely about to break himself free from the chair and lash out, electrocuting him.

He'll never forget the agony of the first time he did that. Doesn't remember for sure if it was actually the worst, but it was the one that always stuck out the most because it was the first time Palpatine had ever hurt him. Tortured him.

And it was right after Obi-Wan had done the exact same thing.

Vader doesn't know what he expected to feel with Sidious gone. Just not… a deep-running sense of emptiness.

"Anakin!"

Vader jolts, looking up sharply at the sound of that voice.

Obi-Wan is approaching him, Force presence wild with confusion and wariness. He stops abruptly, staring up at his face. "What did you just do?"

"I stopped the Sith," Vader retorts, taking a step back.

Probably looks casual on the outside, but he's just bracing himself for a fight. A fight he definitely does not want. Not –

"What?" Obi-Wan demands, nearly incredulous.

"How did you know?" Dooku's voice demands.

Vader turns to see the Count standing again,

As if he's going to give any answers to Dooku. Dooku destroyed so much of the galaxy, left it nearly impossible to restore any semblance of order even decades later. Vader spent years fighting the Separatist remnants, even after the Empire formed.

He ignites his lightsaber, the blueness of it jarring. He hasn't seen anything blue since – since he got his armor for the first time.

Not that he has time to stop and stare at it and just – remember what that was like right now – even if he kind of wants to.

Vader moves forward, stumbling unsteadily and nearly falling. He didn't realize his armor was this heavy. Well, he knew but he's so used to it that he didn't remember what it was like to be free of it anymore.

Obi-Wan ignites his own blade, and the sight freezes up something in him instantly.

Enemy, his mind whispers, instantly trying to calculate how he can fight them both off at once.

Stop it.

Dooku first.

Then – he doesn't know then.

Doesn't really want to think about it.

He – he doesn't want to fight him again. (Doesn't want to be hurt by him again.) They move forward together, blades clashing against Dooku's.

He doesn't have time to think about what will happen now, but it occurs to him half a second later that Dooku could help if the Jedi come after him. Not that he wants Dooku's help, after everything he's done. (Not like Vader's any better, even if he's tried to be. All he ever wanted to do was help, and all he ever does is destroy. The only thing he's good at is being a weapon and he can accept that now. It's just a question of who uses that weapon. He was planning to let it be Luke, but…)

Vader's not quite intending to end their duel the exact same way it went last time, but Dooku's spinning away from Obi-Wan, desperately trying to block Vader's blow before he takes his head off and gives him the opening he had last time. He slashes downwards, through Dooku's wrists.

The Count staggers back, landing on the floor on his knees with a strangled gasp.

Vader takes a step back, hands still clenched around his own lightsaber.

Still remembers how it ended last time. Maybe it is too dangerous for Dooku to be left alive, but he doesn't want this to end the same way as last time if only out of spite to Sidious.

Which is when the full enormity of the fact that he's in the past really starts sinking in.

He's back in a time when he was foolish enough to think that everything would be fine, that he could actually have a family. He – he already accepted that he would never have what he once dreamed of most, no matter how much it gutted him to his core, no matter how much he deserved it and all the aching, gutting loneliness that came with it, but – but now he's standing literally right back before everything started. Back when his family was still with him. How much he misses that hits him with an overwhelming surge of emotion stronger than he knows how to cope with. He – he misses that. All of that. Always has. But – but it doesn't matter. It – it wasn't real.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan's voice cuts through his thoughts and hammering heart, "What's wrong? Why are your eyes yellow?"

They… are?

Well.

That's not really a surprise.

Vader takes another step away from him. "It does not matter right now. We need to get off the ship before it's too late."

Obi-Wan's frown only grows. "You're – "

"Later," he cuts him off, breathing in sharply. He keeps forgetting to breathe. It's jarring that he can breathe on his own in the first place.

Turning away, he heads for the elevator doors, trying not to trip over nothing. Obi-Wan follows behind him, escorting Dooku along with them.

Leaving Dooku alive is a risk. It – there's also not a reason to kill him right off. The Jedi can… more than handle imprisoning him.

What's going to happen now that Sidious is dead? He – he hadn't even been thinking about that. He has no idea what it's going to mean for the Republic. Are the Jedi going to try seizing control now that Sidious is gone?

The ship lurches sharply, far off explosions ringing out.

Never mind.

He'll worry about that later. After they're out of here.

**w**

So much for trying to get out faster than last time. At least they don't spend as long falling through a vertical elevator shaft before being able to swing through a door.

Except, that Vader goes sprawling most ungracefully as he tries to land, and Obi-Wan nearly lands right on top of him. He's close, too close.

Obi-Wan hasn't touched him since – since –

Vader shakes his off, trying not to get distracted with how much he can feel.

Obi-Wan's the first on his feet, holding out a hand to him.

Vader freezes, looking up at him.

It takes him half a second to realize he's just… offering him a hand. Not trying to… to something.

Why is he even… bothering?

Vader pulls himself to his feet on his own, still eyeing him warily.

"Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asks, hand dropping back to his side.

Something inside him twists violently, of confusion and anger and bitterness and fear and – and longing. He hates that part the most. Not that he's been capable of feeling anything else in years.

"We are not out of this yet," he replies, turning away. Doesn't know how to… to face this.

The hand on his shoulder stops him before he can just walk off.

Vader jolts, breath catching in his throat. Doesn't click in his head that Obi-Wan's just touching him not trying to hurt him until he's roughly jerked away, hand clenched in a fist, halfway to punching Obi-Wan in the face.

His former master looks stung and confused. And he's watching him warily now. "Tell me what's going on," he demands.

He definitely doesn't want to have that conversation.

"The ship is about to crash and we need to catch Grievous." He spins on his heel and takes off, ignoring how much it feels like he's running. He – he'll deal with the Obi-Wan problem later. He knows how to deal with his threats one at time.

(He wishes Obi-Wan would just attack him instead of acting – acting caring like he once did. It hurts too much and it's reminding him of a million things a lifetime ago that he'd almost forgotten even if he also hadn't, and he doesn't want to face it again.)

"Do not walk down the center of the hall if you don't want to get trapped in a ray shield," Vader calls over his shoulder, watching to make sure Dooku is at least cooperating in coming with Obi-Wan – not that he has much choice – as they move through the ship.

Obi-Wan looks severely disgruntled – never a good sign. "I am well aware," he huffs.

"Then why are you doing it?" he shoots back, then stops talking. He just can't believe he's having a conversation that isn't an argument with him.

Obi-Wan huffs, but he pointedly moves to near the wall, as they make their way up to the bridge.

Artoo catches up with them in the hall.

Vader stills at the sight of the droid. It's been… how many years since he lost it? That was a minor thing in the face of everything else he lost but seeing Artoo, it hits him just how much missed him. "It's… good to see you again, buddy," he says, a little breathlessly. Half because he keeps feeling like he needs to control his breathing and he doesn't know what he's doing. He didn't remember things used to be so quiet when he didn't have a respirator.

The droid whistles, bumping into his leg.

He reaches down, lightly touching the droid's dome with his flesh hand.

It makes his heart clench violently. He – he needs to stop thinking, remembering this. But he can't when he's reliving it, everything of the days before he lost everything. He does not want to relieve all that again. Why is this happening?

"There's not time to answer my questions, but you have time to talk to a droid you saw minutes ago?" Obi-Wan asks, irked.

The clanking of battle droids thankfully interrupts before Vader can respond.

Getting past the droids is simple enough and they continue the rest of the way to the bridge. He can feel Obi-Wan's eyes on him, but doesn't look back, even if he's hyperaware in the Force of his former master's every move.

"Crush them! Make them suffer!" Grievous snarls, whipping around as Vader and Obi-Wan cut through the sealed bridge doors together, stepping inside.

When was the last time he did something together with Obi-Wan?

He definitely doesn't want to think about that. (That hurts far more than anything else ever could.)

They attack the droids in unison, working their way quickly across the bridge towards Grievous. He can't let him escape this time. It'd be easier to end the Separatist conflict a second time over once and for all right here.

Vader sees it immediately when Grievous runs for towards the viewport, the same way he did last time. He Force-flips across the room, the sheer strength of it nearly throwing him further than he intended too. The way the Force responds to him, the sheer brightness of it, is – is totally different. He'd nearly forgotten what the Force used to feel like, before the flow of it inside of him changed so much, from all the metal parts. He lands unsteadily behind Grievous, as Obi-Wan circles around on his other side.

Vader doesn't wait, reaching out with the Force and ripping the electrostaff away from the cyborg, flinging it across the deck.

Grievous snarls, reaching for his lightsabers.

He ignites them in a dramatic flourish, and Obi-Wan jumps forward, ever eager to leap into a fight.

It's hardly playing fair to reach out with the Force, deactivating all of Grievous' lightsabers in a single move, but well… Who plays fair in a fight?

Obi-Wan stumbles forwards most ungracefully with a yelp, as his lightsaber slashes upwards, right through the cyborg's head.

Well.

That was easy.

"Anakin!" he exclaims, whipping around, as soon as he's managed to recollect himself.

"It worked," Vader points out, with more flippancy than he feels.

"That's hardly a sound strategy or one Jedi ought to use," he grumbles.

"How is a drawn-out duel that ends when you dismember him any better?" Vader asks. Yes, okay, that's a little too personal for his liking.

Obi-Wan looks downright annoyed now and he doesn't want to face that. It's only going to get worse. He already knows that.

"The escape pods should still be functional." He's not used to talking this much. It's strange to hear his own voice the way he used to sound. He hasn't heard that in so long.

Vader doesn't stick around to hear Obi-Wan protest any further, just takes off for the escape pods. No need to crash the whole ship onto the planet's surface and level everything in their path.

**w**

Vader struggles to keep control of the escape pod as it crashes for Coruscant's surface below. Dooku looks none too happy where he's being jostled around in the back of the pod, not like that matters much.

All his attention is on trying to land this – and on Obi-Wan.

"I think it's past time you start explaining what's happening, Anakin," he says, voice leaving no room for argument.

He's probably right.

Vader doesn't know what to say to him. Maybe, just the flat-out truth. It's not as if anything he says is going to change what's probably about to happen. "I am from the future," Vader replies, hands tight on the pod controls.

"What?" Obi-Wan demands incredulously.

He doesn't know how much he should tell him when he doesn't trust him at all. Or the Jedi, period. But he has to at least say something. He needs to get out of here, though. As soon as they land the Jedi will be showing up and he doesn't doubt that they'll try to arrest or kill him. And he doesn't want it to come down to a fight between him and Obi-Wan and the rest of the Jedi. Obi-Wan's beaten him enough times. He can't face that again. Not another time. Not –

It's hard enough being in such a closed space with him right now.

Which means that he can't stick around for the Jedi to show up, period. Even if he has no idea what he's going to do after that.

"I am Anakin no longer," he replies finally. Might as well be blunt about that. Besides, he doesn't know if being in the past is permanent and he doesn't need Obi-Wan and the Jedi to think that whatever he does now is what his younger-self would have done. He doesn't need to push along Obi-Wan's probable inevitable betrayal of him any quicker. At least he can know that this isn't Anakin. "I lived a future you have yet to see."

Obi-Wan's staring at him like he just grew two heads. "That's impossible. And what do you mean you're not Anakin?"

"How else do you believe I knew Palpatine was Sidious?" he asks, ignoring the other question.

He seems to grudgingly acknowledge that point. Obi-Wan does know that Anakin always deeply cared for Palpatine, after all, and nothing else could explain what happened. "You Fell in this… future?" Obi-Wan asks, slowly.

He sounds more mind-boggled than accusing, but Vader stiffens instantly, anyway. "As you can well see, yes." Doesn't want to continue this conversation. It's making him remember too much of – of what they used to have. (He wishes he would stop missing it sometimes when he already knows it was fake. All it's going to do is get him hurt all over again, especially when he never meant anything to Obi-Wan in the first place.) This isn't the Obi-Wan who hurt him, but that doesn't mean it's not about to happen again.

"Why?" He sounds disbelieving and incredulous.

"That is not what it is important right now."

"What do you mean that's not important?" Obi-Wan demands, "How are you from the future? What happened?"

"I do not know how I ended up here," he replies, gaze shifting away from Obi-Wan back to the window. His heart rate is picking up again and he needs distance, but he can't go anywhere until he finally gets this pod on the ground. "Before, Sidious survived the battle and had the Jedi legally destroyed for attempting to seize control of the Republic. I would advise not attempting that this time."

The Jedi are corrupt, but they can still help if they aren't going to do something that far. He never had a quarrel with the Jedi. Never wanted to hunt them, but they caused constant conflict and there was nothing else he could do. (Whether he hated himself more and more for it every day is beside the point.)

"We wouldn't do that," Obi-Wan protests, incredulous, "I think you need to start from the beginning, Anakin, and explain what happened."

He holds back the instant snap of I'm not Anakin. It's – it's understandable that he can't make sense of that, or any of this. From his point of view, everything with Anakin was perfectly fine until Vader suddenly came here, so… Doesn't make it easy to have this conversation. Nor does he plan to stick around and start explaining everything. He doesn't want there to be another fight. He can't – "What I told you already is all that is relevant right now," he replies.

The pod finally comes to a stop on the ground, and Vader pushes himself up, moving for the entrance. Obi-Wan is quick to follow him, though he stays right in the entrance to make sure Dooku can't try to escape.

Other ships are coming in already to their location. If he's going to leave, it has to be now.

So he has no idea why he's suddenly hesitating.

"Once we get Dooku secured, I would like to talk about this. I imagine the Council will have questions too."

Maybe, but he can't –

"Don't try it."

"You underestimate my power."

"You were the Chosen One. It was said you would destroy the Sith, not join them, bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness."

"You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you."

"What have you become?"

"I am what you made me."

"I will do what I must."

"Then you will die."

"I'm sorry, Anakin. For all of it."

"Obi-Wan! OBI-WAN!"

Yes, that.

All of that.

So no, he can't stay, can't pretend that if Sidious was gone, everything would have been alright, no matter how much he achingly wants too suddenly.

"I cannot stay. Not – not right now." He turns away and takes off running.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan yells after him. He sounds a mix of hurt and confused and very annoyed, and Vader pauses just once to glance back. It somehow hurts an unreasonable amount to see the expression on Obi-Wan's face.

He wishes he could – something.

Doesn't know.

But if he doesn't want things to end the way they did before, he – he needs to leave. The Jedi will try to kill him. There's not even a question of that. He hardly understands why Obi-Wan hasn't tried already.

So he doesn't know why he feels even emptier than he has this whole time – that's possible, apparently – as he takes off, quickly losing himself between the buildings so no one can pursue.

**w**

Obi-Wan's never been quite so confused in his life. Even the notion of Anakin suddenly, mysteriously time-traveling makes more sense than the way he's acting now.

He's Fallen.

His eyes are yellow and it's beyond unnerving. But maybe what sticks out most of all is the way he kept pointedly putting distance between them, like he didn't want to be around him or something, and he doesn't understand why.

What happened? He can't fathom anything that would make Anakin Fall. Not even after he saw what happened on Mortis. He's still half convinced that the Son just possessed him, since Anakin didn't remember a thing about what happened.

But he did and instead of giving any answers about what happened, he just took off without another word. Obi-Wan's tried comming him at least a dozen times by now but he's not answering. He even tried tracking his comm, but he must have gotten rid of it somewhere because that turns up with nothing.

Like he's trying to hide from him for some reason.

It would be a lie to say that he's not totally thrown and a bit hurt and mostly just confused at how Anakin's acting. He's also more than a little worried about him because he doesn't understand what could have happened. He's not really acting like a Sith.

"You're certain Skywalker showed no signs of Falling before this point?" Windu asks, dubiously.

"Yes. His Force presence had changed completely, too," Obi-Wan replies firmly.

The Council is understandably dubious of the time-travel claim but nothing else could explain the sudden change. Anakin suddenly felt dark in the Force but more in a wild emptiness sort of way. Not the same hate and anger that all other Sith he's encountered radiate – well, there was definitely some and it was intense, but not in a way that felt deadly.

"Concerning, this is," Yoda murmurs, ears drooping, "Find him, we must."

"I'll see what I can do," Obi-Wan promises immediately. He knows he has other things to focus on too but genuinely the only thing he even can think about is that Anakin is just gone with no explanation.

Why didn't he tell him anything? Why was he acting so distant? What happened?

To be fair, he can't imagine he would react very well if his version of Anakin suddenly Fell so that might be why, but…

"Skywalker needs to be found, but right now our focus needs to be on the Republic first. We have to ensure that whoever takes control next won't have the same powers as Palpatine," Windu goes on.

Which comes back to the question of Palpatine being a Sith. Obi-Wan's genuinely not overly surprised by that, but it was still mind-blowing and mind-numbing to see Anakin do it. Anakin's always cared for Palpatine far more than Obi-Wan appreciates and he can't imagine what could change that.

But at least it means whatever happened, Anakin's not on Sidious' side, or he wouldn't have killed him. And that's the only reason he's not about to lose his mind entirely.

"He said before the Council tried to take control of the Republic and it ended poorly for us," Obi-Wan says.

The Council members exchange glances.

"We have no such intentions," Shaak Ti objects.

"We need to ensure a power transition. Seizing control is unnecessary with Palpatine gone," Windu agrees.

It's a little unsettling that they're even discussing it but tensions with the Senate have been high for a long time. But at least the war should be over now, and – Obi-Wan thought everything would be fine after that.

But it's definitely not going to be until he can find Anakin and figure out what in the galaxy happened to him.

**w**

Vader doesn't stop until he's far enough away that he's certain no one will be able to catch up with him. But now that he is away from the Jedi, he doesn't know what he's going to do. He hasn't really had a moment to think about it until now.

He was planning to put Luke in control of the Empire and serve him the same way he has Sidious. But obviously, that's not possible in this timeline. Luke isn't even born yet. He's –

He's still unborn and that's when it really hits him that Padme is still alive. After the initial years he spent agonizing over everything he lost, he hadn't thought of her much until he heard that somehow his child survived. He still doesn't understand how that's possible – Sidious told him that he killed her on Mustafar.

It's been so many years since he last saw her, he just… can't quite imagine it again. Can't imagine the way things used to be with them. Especially not when she brought Obi-Wan to Mustafar to kill him. Sometimes he let himself imagine what it would be like if he'd gotten Padme to agree to support the Empire, but being roughly thrown right back to the past makes him think all over again that that's a foolish hope.

He could try talking to her about it, but he – he doesn't trust her. Not – not really. Not enough for him to serve. Not when he doesn't even know that she'd want to do what it takes to keep the galaxy together.

But she does believe in the Republic above all else and he remembers she was starting to question things last time. Maybe… maybe he could try talking to her?

Vader doesn't fully intend to go to the Senate, but he makes his way there anyway, keeping his hood pulled low over his head and trying to stay out of everyone's sight.

Walking is difficult. He's still trying to figure out how to do it again. Can't stop staring at the color of everything or touching everything or focusing on the feel of the breeze against his face. He hasn't been free like this in years. Nothing hurts, either.

It doesn't feel like he deserves it. He doesn't deserve… anything. That's why he lost everything, after all.

Talking to Padme wouldn't hurt. He can't imagine ever being her husband again but he can at least be whatever she needs to help remake the galaxy. That's all he's good at being. Doesn't know how to be anything else. She'd be a kinder master than Sidious, he knows that much.

He sneaks into the Senate building, trying not to let the emotion strangle him.

"Ani. I'm pregnant."

Doesn't want to think about last time.

He misses being Anakin.

Even if that's stupid, because as Vader, he has power. He's stronger, can do more. He's not weak. Not quite as weak, at least, and power is the only thing that makes him remotely useful to anyone. It's the only thing that ever has.

He wishes he would stop suddenly wanting to matter to someone just because – because. That's not how it works. It never has been. No one wants him. And why would they? He's a monster, a – a weapon. Nothing more.

He pauses not far inside the Senate building, oblivious to the people moving about him. That pillar right there is where she was waiting for him, last time.

She isn't now. Why would she be? Why would anyone?

He wants to cry. Hasn't wanted to cry this badly since… probably Malachor and Jabi'im before that. He grieves this every day but now he's staring at everything he lost right in the face, everything that never will be his again and it's more than he can handle. He stumbles forwards, nearly tripping from how distracted he is, before circling around the pillar where no one can see him when the world blurs in front of his eyes.

He forgot what it was like to cry without his respirator there to interrupt. Or without it hurting, because it stung his skin before and it – He misses everything about this and maybe he was always lonely as Anakin, but it was never like this. Like –

He tries to calm himself down before long because if he doesn't, he's never going to stop. And he can't linger here long or the Jedi are going to know he was here. Obi-Wan is going to know and he'll be coming, and –

Not that he'd care if Obi-Wan would just kill him. That would be – nice. Certainly about time. But he never finished it before and he's too afraid to – to risk facing the pain of all of that, more afraid of that than he is of hoping to die, so he keeps moving.

He's good enough at stealth that he's able to make it to Padme's office without anyone stopping him. His heart is practically in his throat by the time he reaches the door, though. No idea what he's about to say, or –

Before he has the chance to think the rest of it through, the door opens to reveal Padme herself. The exact same way she looked a lifetime ago, as though nothing has changed. He feels like he's staring at a ghost.

"Anakin!" she exclaims, expression lighting with happiness. Before he can register what's happening she's hugging him, arms wound around his waist.

When was the last time anyone touched him like this, not trying to hurt him?

(Other than Obi-Wan on the Invisible Hand only hours ago? He doesn't want to think about that or how much it – he misses it.)

But Padme tried to kill him and he hurt her, and he –

The only thing that stops him from shaking her off is how much he wants someone, anyone to touch him. He doesn't even care who at this point.

He does just stand there awkwardly enough that she finally pulls back, frowning. "Are you alright?"

"A lot – a lot's happened," he replies breathlessly, trying to remember to breathe.

She frowns. "What do you mean? There were whispers that – that you'd been killed. Did something…?"

"No, I was not injured. I – " This is stupid. He can barely find his voice enough to speak to her. "It has been so long." He doesn't know how to begin explaining the time travel to her.

She seems uncertain as to why he's acting so… different at seeing her, but he doesn't know how to act any differently.

"You brought him here to kill me."

"Let her go, Anakin."

"It's been ages. I've missed you. But there's something I need to tell you," she says, eyes shining. "Something wonderful has happened. Ani…. I'm pregnant."

It takes his breath away to hear those words again.

He reaches out with the Force, for the child inside of her. He's expecting to feel Luke and he does feel his tiny Force presence and the earthiness of it. He senses Luke touch him back curiously, though he's probably too unaware to even realize what he's doing, but beyond that, Vader senses something else entirely.

There's… another tiny Force presence there too, who's also prodding at him curiously.

It's –

He knows who that is. The Air of the Force presence, the… she feels of a stubborn determination and passion even now as a baby, and it only takes a few moments for it to click in his head who that is.

Leia.

He – he has twins?

Leia… Princess Leia Organa is his daughter also?

But that's – that – That can't be possible. It can't be.

Images from the Death Star flash through his mind and he takes a shaky step away from Padme. This can't be happening. Of course the first thing he managed to do when he met his daughter for the first time was hurt her.

That's all he ever does. If he stays near Padme, he's going to hurt her again too and he's definitely going to end up hurting both his children.

(Padme's also going to betray him like she did last time. He's certain of it.)

But he needs to say something. Padme is staring at him expectantly.

"We're having twins," is the first thing he can come up with.

She blinks. "What?"

"I can sense it."

"You – are you sure?" she asks, sounding vaguely panicked.

He wants to stop looking at her and desperately wishing they could raise their children together from birth. It's a joke and it's better if he stays away from her. Unless she's –

He just nods.

"What are we going to do?" she inquires. He can see her fear. She's afraid of what it'll mean for her career and maybe for his staying in the Order.

"The Council will expel me," he answers, a little too flippantly. If they don't kill him first. "But with the war over, this may not be as hard as it could have been."

Maybe.

Her expression dims a little. "Perhaps not, but the Senate is in chaos right now."

"What's happening?" He touches her lightly with the Force again, just… trying to see how she's doing. He doesn't know what killed her in the end. Was it him? He still can't believe it was anything else, though he doesn't know how Luke – and apparently Leia – survived.

"The Vice Chancellor is in charge right now. The Senate is calling for an emergency election for a new Chancellor but nothing's been decided yet. They're afraid the Separatists are going to use this opportunity to try and continue the fight," Padme replies.

Of course they are.

He doesn't know what ought to happen to keep the galaxy at peace, but he's certain an Empire is the only thing that will have enough strength. "The Separatists will fight back," he responds, "Unless strong leadership is able to keep the galaxy from falling apart entirely."

She looks none too happy at the comment. "What we need is a return to democracy, the way it was before this conflict started. This war represented a failure to listen. Maybe now that it's over, both Senate's will actually talk."

So she says, but he's not naïve enough to believe that. Not anymore. "If the Senate was going to change, if it had the power to do anything, it would have before the war became a problem."

Her eyes narrow on him. "What exactly are you suggesting?"

"I… do not know, but from what I have seen, the Republic as it is now will never stand." This isn't for him to decide. That's always a decision his master gets to make but he doesn't have a master right now. He feels hopelessly lost without someone telling him what to do. He thought Sidious being dead would mean being… free, but he doesn't feel free. Just lost, desperately wishing he had someone here. Maybe he's talking to Padme now, but it still feels like they're a million parsecs apart from each other.

"The moment we stop believing the Republic can still stand is when we lose it," she retorts.

"I am not suggesting that what we fought for is wrong," he objects. He could never believe that, not after how much was lost for it. "I am simply saying that the Republic does not have the strength it needs to hold the galaxy together or root out corruption."

"Having someone stronger in charge isn't going to change anything," she shoots back, irked, "You may not have seen it, but Palpatine abused enough of his powers as it was."

He definitely saw that under the Empire. Sidious was the problem. Not the Empire itself. It still fills him with an overwhelming bitterness and betrayal that he'd trusted him so much, only to have been deceived so completely. "Even if it were you?"

"I don't want to be a dictator to the galaxy, Anakin. Why are you even talking about this?" she demands.

"How is it different than when you were queen of Naboo?"

"That was our planet's system, not that of the entire galaxy." She's looking increasingly flustered.

She's never going to agree and that leaves Vader with no idea what to do. He's always served the – whoever's in control. Maybe he doesn't trust her, but he does still trust her commitment to the galaxy. That's always what was more important to her. But she doesn't… want this, and he doesn't know what to do.

There's nowhere he really belongs.

It feels like she's rejecting his offer all over again, even if that's not really fair. But she didn't want him before, so why did he think that would be any different now?

He wishes he could forget the galaxy and just – just something. But what purpose would that serve of him? He doesn't have a family. He doesn't have anything, except what he's capable of doing. And he's not capable of doing anything that doesn't cause destruction and death and he's suddenly so tired of it. Maybe, he's just being overwhelmed by being in the past, but he just –

Wants to leave the galaxy to its own problems, because he has more than enough of his own to deal with. Even if that's selfish. And he's not really serious about that, but he just… He's so tired.

Of everything.

"Anakin?" Padme asks, voice breaking through his thoughts, "What's with you?"

"There is… something I need to take care of," he replies, turning for the door. He does need to get out of here before the Jedi show up.

She looks disappointed but he slips out of the room before the conversation can continue.

Maybe he can't do anything for the galaxy. Maybe if he tries, he'll just destroy everything. He needs to get away from her before it's too late.

But there is one place he knows he needs to go, before it's too late.

Mandalore.

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