My Hero, Shinji Ikari

by Traitor of All Traitors

My first attempt at this crossover, so endure its potential might. First he dreamt of a little girl suffering at the hands of a man full of hate, and then he is told that the girl is someone that needs a hero, and he can be the hero she needs. Shinji ends up being taken from the life he was forced into by his father and put into a life where he needs to stand up for those in need.

20. Maternal Graces

Creation began on 01-17-23

Creation ended on 01-24-23

Neon Genesis Evangelion

My Hero, Shinji Ikari: Maternal Graces

A/N: Delve into the past and uncover the concerns of the MHA version of someone who was viewed as a hero without any special powers or even wore a mask…simply because of their compassionate nature and accepting heart.

Parents

"…Okay, tape recording," a woman uttered as she sat in front of a computer. "Primary and secondary backups recording. Private security file uploading to personal cloud storage. Name: Yui Ikari. Age: Thirty-four. Quirk: Vault. Purpose of recording: Confirming and reconfirming previous thoughts of the Gaidoku family. The mother and father, Hitomi and Ryu Gaidoku, respectively…seem to have more than their fair share of issues that come with the dynamics of a married couple. I'm not sure what their troubles are, but from my minor interactions with Hitomi, it seems that they have marital difficulties that aren't uncommon in other marriages. However, from what Hitomi told me, which wasn't much, I have to suspect that she wishes to be the alpha in her marriage, something which also isn't uncommon in a marriage; women want to be the ones calling the shots, making the rules, having the last say in the matter. Her husband, on the other hand, seems to have other things on his mind that may stem from disappointments in his youth. There are people that have dreams of becoming heroes, but get shot down because of how their Quirks work, their way of thinking…or just how they are towards other people. Tracker-type Quirks vary from person to person and generation to generation; if the Quirk isn't effective, the person is overlooked for someone else with a similar Quirk that is more suited to the needs of the hero community the safety of the citizens. But some dreams are more important than others due to who we often find in them now…or will meet later on. And then, there's their children, Haruo and Rumiko. Out of the two, Rumiko, the daughter, my son's best friend, has a stronger Quirk than her brother. She just hasn't called it anything yet, but doesn't want her parents to decide its name; she once got lost in the woods and thought about Shinji…and then found her way out of the woods as the sun went down. Not even her brother could find his own way out in under five hours. Eh-heh-heh. When I asked Hitomi about this, she didn't have an answer for how her daughter was able to find her way out of the woods by looking for my son. I mean, she couldn't answer because…she wasn't sure; she didn't ask Rumiko how…and I can't ask her because it defeats the purpose of her mother asking."

-x-

Children, Post-Trauma

"…I, Yui Ikari, am recording my personal thoughts for the tenth time regarding feelings about my son, Shinji's mental health after he was returned home following his kidnapping that ended with his captors being apprehended and sentenced to life without parole," Yui spoke in front of the camera, sometime later. "How I feel when I look at Shinji, whether he's asleep or awake, is guilt over taking my husband, Gendo's suggestion of a spa day. Guilt and self-loathing. I know it wasn't either of our fault Shinji was kidnapped…but I can't stop thinking that I would never see my baby boy again, and we live on an island miles away from the rest of the archipelago where the activities of heroes and villains are more common. It doesn't change how much I worry about him now…every moment he's not in my sight. And when I look at his chest…and his scar…I'm reminded of how much I failed him."

Yui takes a moment to wipe her tears away from her face.

"But I worry more about what could happen if he can't get past this trauma. He talks with Rumiko more often when they see each other, which seems to be more than usual ever since it was learned that the girl was being abused by her father and brother. I still remember how Shinji came to me and told me that Rumiko had collapsed outside our house and I came to see what was wrong. Her sense of fatigue, vomiting and mild irritability; she and Shinji didn't know why she got upset over small things…and Shinji didn't understand what was wrong until I said it after examining Rumiko, but his friend was in the family way…and had been in the family way for more than a month. When I asked her who did this to her, it was the first time she ever felt defensive about a question she was being asked. She wasn't in any trouble, but whoever had laid inappropriate hands on her was in trouble. She thought it was just a game they were playing, unaware of what they were doing to her was not only wrong, but I can't really blame her for her ignorance. Ignorance isn't a crime for any child, but it's a crime against children and society to commit acts of abuse that include such depravity. And then, there's Hitomi's reactions to the discovery of what her husband and son did behind her back to Rumiko…as well as her own resentment towards her daughter after finding out she was pregnant. Children. So precious, so full of joy and curiosity, so fragile and resilient at the same time. They're more innocent than the people they aspire to be like when they grow older. Personally, I don't like to get in the way of someone else's family matters, but when it comes to lack of parental guidance and compassion when a child has been taken advantage of and is confused by what they experienced, I guess it comes with the territory of being a parent myself."

Looking away from the camera for a few seconds to recompose herself, Yui pondered what else to say and record for later.

"Should I talk about how I chose not to be strict with Shinji about Rumiko earlier this week?" She questions in front of the camera. "Yeah, that's one of my toughest issues as a mother. It has nothing to do with my personal feelings about Rumiko, but more to the fact that I choose to give people the benefit of their own confusion when they do something they don't fully understand to someone else they know. I asked Shinji subtly about that day he was laying on the veranda just letting time pass by…and he told me that he thought he saw Rumiko for a while, but he didn't elaborate further than that. I know he was likely confused and more than likely afraid of telling the truth. I saw Rumiko with him, what she did to him…and her own reaction to what she had done. Children subjected to any measure of sexual abuse will become confused by what was done to them and attempt to make sense of it through their own actions. Personally, I can wrap my head around how young people will try to experiment with such an experience if they want to understand what it is and how it affects them. It doesn't mean that I find them to be disturbed or freaks in any sense. It's just…post-traumatic stress injury. Most call it PTSD, but they should really call it PTSI because that's what it truly is; Shinji and Rumiko, as a result of what they went through, the incest, the kidnapping, the rape and abuse… They weren't made crazy by what these people did. They were injured. And like all injuries, they will recover in their own time. We can't force them to make a full recovery from what befell them."

-x-

Rite of Passage, Rite of Precautions

"…I don't like unnecessary conflict or trying to project my own thoughts onto others, but when I had to question Hitomi's bad attitude towards Rumiko, I felt like I was forced to draw a line between them," Yui said in front of the camera. "She is currently angry at her family for the incest and Rumiko's impregnation, and seems to have only negative feelings toward Rumiko; she actually called her daughter a…well, since I'm merely recording this for later and I am not going to let someone else's feelings dictate my own, I guess I have to say it. Hitomi called Rumiko a slut for allowing herself to be taken advantage of by her father and brother, but that's not what really happened. They just took advantage of her naïveté because she's young. So…for the time being, Rumiko and her son will be staying with us until Hitomi can set aside her negative feelings about what happened. I'm hoping that once enough time has passed, she and Rumiko will be able to put this all behind them. Though, Ryu and Haruo will have to carry the stigma of their choices with them, even after they have finished their mandated therapy. As a requirement, Rumiko wanted to know if Toya, her son, had a Quirk factor like hers. While Gendo was against this, he had no actual say in the matter; Toya was Rumiko's and she wanted to know, so we had him tested…and he does have a Quirk factor."

Yui sighs and reflects on a question Rumiko had asked after learning that her baby boy possessed the likelihood of having a Quirk like everyone else in her family, and it was one that split her from her husband, who was a man she felt she could help overcome the stigma of his own past and seek a new, better future.

"Rumiko had asked if Shinji will have a Quirk of his own someday," she uttered in front of the camera. "As much as I wanted to answer her, Gendo shot the question down. He didn't want to know and would rather ignore the likely possibility of Shinji possessing a superpower of his own. Even Shinji had to ask if he would ever have a Quirk, that way he could protect Rumiko and her son from danger if he had to. Oh, as much as I wanted for him to know, his father didn't want to know out of resentment towards the hero community. We're not heroes, but we have a duty to our children to be just as inspiring to their goals as they mature. But what Gendo doesn't know, and I fear the day he will eventually find out, is that four days after Shinji was born, I had him tested by my father, Kozo Fuyutsuki-Ikari, and he confided in me that Shinji, once he matures a little further, will come into his own Quirk in due time. So long as Shinji knows right from wrong and does his best to protect the people that matter to him, I can refrain from letting Gendo know that it's likely our son will be just as capable as he is one day."

Beep. Yui looked away from the camera again and down at her cell phone, sighing at a text from her husband.

"I'm going to cut this recording short because I just learned that the police are here with another addition to our little family," she utters to the camera. "I'll be right back later."

-x-

Shadō, not Fuyōna

"…I was surprised by the fact that Shinji had been able to do something of this sort, even though it was against his volition and one of his kidnappers was a maniac," Yui expresses in front of the camera, holding a picture of a baby wrapped in a pink blanket. "But still, we couldn't ignore this fact. Shinji, prior to being rescued by the police and Rumiko, had fathered a daughter, and now she's living with us because her mother…or rather, the woman that assaulted my son, since I can't imagine her having gone down the family way out of a maternal sense of pride or genuine love for the girl, is unable to so much as breathe another word of spite towards anyone because she passed away in prison, and any of her other relatives are either dead or in prison. She even had the arrogance to name her Fuyōna, which implied that she didn't put any thought into a proper name. Who names their daughter 'Unwanted'? That causes negativity that is unnecessary. Even Shinji didn't like the name and asked if we could change it to better reflect her existence. I asked him what he wanted to call her, since he's her father and had that right…and he decided to call her Shadō, though because of his spelling issues, he spelled the 'o' as just an 'o'. I don't really mind how he spells words or names, but when I asked why he would choose to called that, I was proud of his answer; he wanted her to be in his shadow so she would know that he kept her close and wanted her by his side, not to condemn her, but to keep her safe from harm…and that it was better for her to be his shadow than to feel unloved. Nobody wants to feel unloved. Nobody deserves to feel that way. Ever. So…Shado Ikari is the name that will follow my granddaughter until the end of time."

She then set the photo down on her desk.

"Unfortunately, the prison hospital was unable to perform a test to see if Shado possesses a Quirk factor; it's against the rules to test children born to women currently serving a prison sentence, even after they died," she recorded this revelation. "Of course, I won't let this stop me from being aware of what to expect in the future. When I have the time to do so, I'll have Shado tested and let Shinji know so as to better prepare him for the unknown. I know he's still young and has no idea of what he's doing, wanting only to do the right thing, but he doesn't want to give up Shado just because someone hurt him, and I'm willing to support his efforts to do right by Shado…just as I'm willing to support Rumiko as she tries to do right by Toya, even though she doesn't want to know if it was her father or brother that played the dominant role in his conception. I could find out easily, but I'd be violating the trust she and Shinji have in me…and I don't want them to ever feel like they can't trust me with anything they tell me, so I'll respect Rumiko's decision to know not the identity of Toya's paternal father until she's ready to face the revelation, however long that will be. Hopefully by then, the Gaidokus, all of the Gaidokus, will be able to come back from their degrees of shame and anger and move on towards some sort of future where they can just…let go of their darkness instead of burying it in a shallow grave and let it fester until it grows into another problem that's not going to go away."

Yui had to hold onto this hope she had that Rumiko's parents, once they had regained some stability in their marriage, along with Ryu regaining some acceptance of his responsibilities for his faults, would be able to provide a stable family for Rumiko and Toya in due time. She loved the two, but knew she couldn't keep them from her family forever…and didn't want to. Sighing again, she looked at a photo of herself and Gendo on their wedding day; it had been a long time since she last looked at it, and wondered when it was starting to feel like she and her husband were not on the same page over anything, despite her attempts to correct him and lead him down a better path since the path of a hero was not in the cards for him. Not even a hero herself, she was often considered someone who could be a hero, just not like the ones that had all the popularity across the world.

-x-

Not a Hero

"What does it mean to be a hero to someone?" Yui asks as she sits in front of her camera, several weeks later. "I guess that it's mostly about one's perspective of how far you're willing to go to protect someone else from danger, really. Before the rise of Quirks or meta-human/superhuman abilities, nobody really knew much about how hard it was to do something that nobody else could or would do…or how every day we lived was always another day where we could be like the heroes of the comics and cinema world. Before men and women like the ones from the more popular locations of Japan, like All Might, Hawks, Ryuku, Manual, the Wild, Wild Pussycats or even Fat Gum or Midnight, there were people who, in their professional and personal lives, were heroes everyday in the eyes of other people…and they didn't even have to wear flashy outfits or wear masks. They were just regular people who had regular lives, doing the extraordinary within the ordinary. Businesspeople, teachers, lawyers, doctors, police officers, firefighters, music writers, even friends. Anyone could be a hero when they try to do something. Even something…as simple…and reassuring…as holding someone else in a hug…and letting them know they weren't forgotten about."

Of course, when Yui thought of these beliefs of people being heroes before they had Quirks, she still felt that people were capable of being heroes, even without being heroes…just by doing something for someone else that needed something from someone in their life. Even though the world she lived in was now dominated by superhuman powers, making it like something out of a comic book or movie, only that it was in real life, with real consequences. If something, anything, went wrong anywhere, the consequences were far more devastating because of who they affected. There would be no saving of any lives if they were gone, no resetting like in a video game, nothing.

"What will Shado be when she gets older?" She wonders aloud about her granddaughter. "What will she want to be? A teacher? A doctor? A craftsperson?"

"…Ahh…waah!" She turned her head to the left side of the desk, looking at the old baby monitor she kept in case she and Gendo had more children, hearing Toya stir from his slumber; she had recognized the patterns in his vocals enough to know that it was a boy crying, the same as with Shinji when he was a baby…and was still a baby to her.

"…You know," she heard her son speak, "you could ask my mother if you don't know what to do when Toya cries."

"I could, but then I'd be putting more responsibility on her and not doing anything to contribute," she heard Rumiko say in response. "Plus, I need to know Toya more if I'm going to be a good mother for him…and I want to be a good mother to him."

"Well…you should try holding his head closer to your shoulder, away from your neck. You want to make sure he gets enough air through his nose and mouth."

"Thank you, Shinji."

"…Aah…aaugh…wah." Yui soon heard the cries of Shado as she was stirred from slumber.

It was soon followed by a tune being played on a device…and Shado's cries slowly faded.

"How'd you know what to do?" Rumiko had asked.

"I watched Mommy do it, and she showed me how," she heard Shinji answer. "It's…never wrong to ask for help. You're not making someone else do what you can if it's only helping so that you don't feel like you're having trouble."

"I worry that I am not doing anything right."

"I think you're doing okay."

"Thank you, Shinji. Thank you for everything you say to me…and everything your parents have done for Toya and I."

"You helped rescue me. I would do the same for you in a heartbeat."

Yui sighs and turns off the monitor. Then, she turned off her camera, letting her last video entry save and be stored into her private cloud server. She reclined in her chair and looked up at the ceiling; it had only been two months since Shado had been brought to her home…and a month after Toya was born. There were nights where her son and his best friend had to get up and figure out how to get their respective child to go back to sleep so that they could, and then there were the days where they had to learn ways of keeping watch over them while trying to catch up on their education before they could go back to school and be around other people their age. But she could live with watching their children when they did go back, just as she could live with people asking her at one point or another in her past why she would marry a man like Gendo when she learned of his past and issues.

She was a helpful and supportive person, wanting to see the good in others, even if they couldn't see it in themselves. It was how she managed to keep her husband in check most of the time, how she kept her cool when Shinji was kidnapped for a ransom demand, and how she was keeping her cool this very moment. It was because of her being able to see in others their potential to be more than the sum of their unnecessary past hardships that made her feel that she can withstand any kind of situation that manifests. And she could do all of this without the need for her Quirk, which made her more like a hero to some, just without a mask or a flashy costume.

"You see the good in everyone you meet, Yui," she recalled her father telling her. "You see measures of greatness in their potential. You try to make sure they can traverse an enlightened path and show a sense of moral restraint. Those that can't or won't demonstrate such a restraint…are often the ones that relish in the chaos they thrive in or create. Just be careful not to get lost in their chaos."

Getting lost in the chaos that other people create, she thought as she got up from her chair. Sometimes, I wonder if I got lost in the chaos of another life…in a different place. I still think about that terrible dream I had when Shinji was three. Some dark place that offered no comfort, Gendo seeming a little colder than usual, even without a Quirk, and some sort of giant. A cybernetic giant, unfinished and with myself wearing an odd diving suit with small wings on its back. And then I say something that is just too crazy and self-righteous instead of moral. Why would I want to show Shinji a brighter future for all of mankind when nobody can see such a thing? There's no such thing as a brighter future; the future is unwritten, even with an ability to perceive bits and pieces of it, meaning anything can happen. That doesn't necessarily mean that you can shape or reshape the future to your own liking. That would imply that you control the future and all aspects of it. But in the end, nobody can see such a thing as a brighter future…no matter how much they try to…and they can't make it brighter by any other means. All they can do…is try to live in the present. It's not a good thing to project oneself into the future; you do that, you lose sense of where you are instead of where you want to be. Where do I want to be? Where I am right now.

-x-

Fate and Nowhere

Opening her eyes, Yui found herself in a vast, white space. Slowly rising up, she felt her recollection returning, remembering what had happened to her before she ended up…here.

I was…feeding Shado her breakfast…and then…she started glowing…and then… Oh.

She remembered that she was in the kitchen, the two-year-old girl in her high chair, fussy because she was hangry, and then her body aglow. And then, she remembered…a feeling of pain, far greater than any she had ever experienced before; it felt as though she was being dismembered, disemboweled, beheaded, skinned, deboned and exsanguinated, all at the same time…and while still very conscious of it all happening to her. Soon after, she was here, and in one piece.

"Where am I?" She wondered.

"…We don't know what really happened, Father!" She thought she heard Shinji's voice.

"She needs to be confined," she thought she heard Gendo's voice, but it was colder than usual, almost like he was upset about something. "I'm doing this, boy!"

"You can't lock her up for something she might've had no control over," Rumiko's voice could be heard by her. "We'll tell the police. We'll tell them the truth about what happened. We can probably undo what Shado did. There are people that can help find out…"

"No! No!"

It felt like time was fading in and out of her sense of awareness; she couldn't tell how long she was here. Sometimes, she felt like it was only for a few minutes, other times, it felt like she was here for more than a day. And then, there was the feeling of unbearable pain in her arms, her legs, her back, her entire body, like what had happened to her was happening to someone else.

And she knew why.

Gendo, for some reason, was using his Wrath Quirk on Shado, disassembling her at her molecules and then putting her back together before the effects of his ability to tear down living things became irreversible. But he was hurting her. He was hurting their grandchild.

Splat! For a second, no more, no less, even though it felt like a lifetime contained within a single moment, she saw a little girl with short, ebony hair and brown eyes, wearing a faded, oversized shirt, laying in a puddle of blood, in front of a man resembling her husband, only colder and more unhinged.

"Everyone suffers because of you," she heard Gendo's voice say, and saw the girl cringe in fear of him.

"You treat her like she's a monster," she heard Shinji's voice, full of anger towards his father. "I won't let you touch her again. What you're doing is wrong on so many levels."

Splat! That one image she saw of Shado on the ground in a blood puddle, barely able to move, barely able to cry, it was etched into her soul.

She can't be more than four or five years old, she tried to deduce from what she had seen of the child. Has two years passed since that day? Gendo…what have you done? What have you done, Gendo? What did you do to our granddaughter?

Try as she might to get up, Yui couldn't move her legs an inch. And she couldn't see anyone around herself where she was. If this was purgatory, then it was the most desolate version of it in her life right now; nothing hurt more than physical pain than emotional pain and distress. The feeling of isolation, being cut off from others, and not knowing how to undo it.

For a brief while, she felt like she was able to see her granddaughter's plight as someone being victimized by her husband, her own grandfather, who had his own degree of feeling victimized that she had tried to get him to move past. But every now and then, all she could see within the darkness of her current situation…was Shado's suffering, her sense of dread, her isolation from her father, her separation from Rumiko and Toya…and the fear of any hands that could offer salvation…but give only condemnation due to the violence they embrace.

"Why?" She thought she heard her voice cry out in the darkness as she lay in her own blood. "What did I ever do to anyone to be punished like this?"

It hurt Yui to know that Shado felt like this, to feel like she was being condemned to a life of suffering…and not knowing what caused this or even why she was being treated this way. She wouldn't wish this on anyone that didn't deserve any of it. Not Shado, not Shinji, not anyone. Except perhaps a villain or dirty cop.

"Aaaaahh!" She heard her son scream for what felt like the final time and shuddered at what could've happened to him.

"Gendo," she utters in the vast space, "what have you done?"

To be continued…

A/N: This chapter is meant to convey a sense of insight to both the aftermath of what befell Yui when Shado's Quirk activated for the first time, Yui's personal thoughts that she recorded for later on, and that she's still alive, just displaced. Also, because this is part of my multiverse scenarios, this version of Yui could glimpse a little into what had occurred in the canon universes and feel either fear or repulsion from what another version of herself did. I'm hoping the next chapter I make will feature a little more of this version of Yui as time goes on, and she becomes more of a character and not a ghost or whisper. I'd like to hear what your thoughts are on the fact that MHA-Yui has knows about Rumiko did to MHA-Shinji that Eva-Shinji has only the barest sense of because it's not his memory that he saw but one from his counterpart. Until the next chapter, stay active and creative.