Chapter 10: Mine
Santana's POV
*Thursday 2nd April 2020*
"I regret it Brittany" I say honestly as tears roll down my cheeks. "I wish I never went through with the abortion" I add. It's the truth, I had a change of heart a few days ago but I couldn't bring myself to tell Brittany.
"I've been feeling like that at times too" she admits. I don't think she truly understands the magnitude of what I'm saying. "It was a hard decision to make but like I say I think this was best for everyone" she tells me.
"It wasn't the best for me" I state. I know it's too late now but I need to be honest, I can't lie no more.
"What?" she asks confused.
"I lied at times so I went through with it because of you. I was torn about the decision in the beginning but after I thought about it, I started to change my mind. Ultimately though, I made the final decision because of you. I knew it was what you wanted more so I did it because if I didn't, I'd lose you and I couldn't bear that" I say emotionally. Fuck, I'm also crying again and I never do this especially not in front of people.
"You'd lose me?" Brittany questions. "Santana, no matter what happens, I was always going to keep working for you. I like working for you and this company. It's a great job for me and I respect you as my boss so whether we had a child together or not, I wasn't leaving" she says trying to assure me.
"I didn't mean lose you from my company" I sigh. Of course, I didn't mean that. Work is not hugely important to me right this second.
"How else could you lose me then?" she frowns in confusion causing my heart to hurt so much.
"Do you know, you asking me that tells me everything I need to know right now" I shake my head at her. "I think it's better you got back to work now" I add while pulling away from her hold.
"Have I done something to upset you?" she asks worriedly.
"If you're staying here Brittany then get back to work. If not, go home" I tell her seriously.
"Ok, this situation has gone from 0 to 100 real quick so can you explain please" she replies.
"Honestly, forget about it" I shrug. "Just get back to work please if you're staying here" I add.
"I know we were told your hormones might be a little all over the place after today so is this something like that because I'm quite confused?" she asks me and I just glare. Yeah, why not blame everything on hormones Brittany and not on your cluelessness.
"Just get back to work please" I sigh.
"Fine, ok" she shrugs before leaving my office.
No disrespect to Brittany but she's either incredibly rude or a lot denser than I thought she was. She knows I'm no good with words or feelings and all that shit so what the fuck did she think I meant. If I don't mean at work then how else could I be afraid of losing her? It was like she needed me to spell it out for her or something and I wasn't going to do that. If she really doesn't know what I'm trying to say then she clearly doesn't feel the same way. I thought I was picking up on a few things that made me think maybe she does feel differently towards me but evidently not otherwise she wouldn't be so clueless. I'm not going to waste anymore of my time today by thinking about it. My work is my priority again so that's what I'm going to focus on for the remainder of the day.
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I've only managed to get an hour of work done before I realise, I need some advice from my accounting and finance team. Easter is coming up next weekend so we've been making little onesies with bunny ears and fun things like that for kids so we had been distributing them to stores but we still have a batch left downstairs in production so I need to find the best way to sell them. Apparently, my production team think it's acceptable to lose a full batch so we had to make more and now this missing batch has been found so I have these items just lying around that I could be making a profit from. Like I say, Easter is next weekend so I doubt stores will sell all the items before then at such short notice so I want to speak to my finance team to find out my best option. My sales team think we should discount them and so on but what is best for me financially? I can't just discount these items and then they sell for less than the cost of making them.
I'm making my way to the accounts department right now to see who wants to help me. This is usually where I would just call Brittany to my office and she'd sort me out but that's not happening today. I'm still pissed at her right now so I don't particularly want to work right beside her if I don't need to. Also, I have many employees in accounts and finance so why shouldn't they get a chance to put forward their ideas and expertise? I always overlook them in favour of Brittany and I know that so now is the chance to give everyone a fair shot.
"Listen up everyone" I say to get all of their attention. "I need someone very talented to help me with a finance issue please so who would like to volunteer?" I ask my accounts team. Weirdly no one looks at me except Brittany with a smirk on her face.
"I ca…" Brittany tries to answer but I interrupt her.
"It's not a trick question, guys. I need someone talented to help me so any volunteers?" I ask. Everyone still seems very shy at the moment except Brittany who looks rather eager. "Jack, you up for it?" I ask.
"Uh…sure, Ms Lopez" he says nervously while quickly getting out of his seat and walking towards me. "Wouldn't Brittany be a bit more qualified to help you?" he asks.
"Anyone who works for me is qualified to be here" I shrug. "Plus, I don't want Brittany's help. She's done enough today already" I add seriously. Brittany quickly looks at me and narrows her eyes like she's pissed.
"Ok" Jack replies awkwardly.
"Let's go then" I say while taking off back to my office but not before glancing back at Brittany and smirking. She just glares at me and shakes her head.
Jack and I work in my office for some time and come up with some great ideas. He's actually quite talented which I didn't realise before. I can see why he and Brittany are friends and work well together. They're both great members of my team and know exactly what they're talking about. I always assumed Brittany was the best but I think spending so much time with her made me overlook everyone else when they're just as good. Jack and I are now making our way back to the accounts department.
"Can everyone give Jack a round of applause please" I say to the accounts team. Everyone looks at me confused and unsure of whether I'm ripping the piss out of him right now. "I'm serious, guys" I smile.
"Uh…ok" Brittany says before leading the applause.
"Jack here has just given me an amazing idea that has saved me quite a few bucks" I say while smiling at Jack. "I think you could all now be looking at the new head of the Accounting and Finance department" I add.
"Um…excuse me" Brittany looks at me less than impressed.
"Yes, can I help you Pierce?" I ask as I look at her as if I don't know what her problem could be.
"I'm the head of Accounting and Finance. I do my job very well so why would you change that?" she asks me annoyed.
"Are you seriously denying your employee and good friend from progressing in this company?" I question.
"Jack, you know we're good friends and I would never want to deny you an opportunity like that. I'm just confused because I wasn't aware my job was on the line and Ms Lopez was looking to replace me" she tells Jack sincerely.
"I think we need some fresh ideas every now and again so what better way to do that for the accounts department than to introduce some fresh leadership" I shrug at Brittany.
"Can we talk for a second?" Brittany asks me with a sigh.
"Of course" I smile.
"In private perhaps?" she suggests as I don't make any attempt to move.
"No, if you want to talk to me you can do it here. We're all adults and colleagues around here so anything you want to say you can say to your colleagues" I point out.
"It doesn't matter" Brittany mutters.
"Ok, Jack has helped me out a lot today so I am going to get back to my office and put this plan into action. Everyone else back to work please" I state before walking away to my office. Just as I thought she would, Brittany turns up at the door just before I close it behind myself. "May I help you?" I ask, not letting her come inside.
"Let me in Santana" she sighs.
"No can do, I'm afraid. Do you see that sign there?" I ask as I point to the name plate on my door. She nods at me in response. "Good, you know this office is Santana Lopez's and not Brittany Pierce's so no, you're not coming in" I smirk.
"Why are you being so childish right now?" she asks annoyed.
"I'm not" I shrug. Ok, I know I am actually being childish with her but she really pissed me off today. I just can't believe she couldn't understand what I was trying to say. We've gotten really close recently so I finally thought she understood me even though I'm a complicated person.
"If I didn't know any better then I'd assume you were trying to make me jealous or something. I mean picking Jack over me and then saying he's taking my job. I mean have you set your sights on Jack now?" she asks me and I have to laugh. "What's so funny?" she asks while glaring at me for laughing at her.
"I'm not into Jack" I assure her.
"You and I agreed that we're not going to be hooking up with people all over the place and we want to actually find someone and settle down. If you are going back on that and do just want to have fun with someone then fine, it's your business. I'll be dammed though if I let that person be Jack. He's a good friend so I don't want him caught up in something like that" she tells me seriously.
"I just told you I'm not into Jack" I say, getting annoyed at her for not listening to me.
"Please don't use him because you're pissed at me. Fair enough if you want some new leadership but don't do it just to get back at me. If you think he's capable then fine, I'll step down in my role" she tells me.
"I'm not using Jack" I shrug. "I probably won't demote you at the moment though" I add.
"Yeah, of course you won't" she laughs at me.
"What's amusing you?" I ask. Why is it her turn to laugh at me now.
"Because admitting you're not going to demote me shows me you were just messing around in the first place and had no intention of doing it" she smartly replies.
"You need to get back to work and do what I pay you to do" I tell her.
"Fine" she nods. "Just don't hurt my friends and colleagues to get back at me" she adds.
"I won't hurt anyone, unlike you" I mumble as Brittany walks away.
"Pardon?" she asks looking back at me. Fuck I didn't think she'd hear me.
"I said I won't. Now back to work" I say before slamming my door shut.
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*Friday 3rd April 2020*
Today is the day after the abortion and I'm starting to get a little emotional about it. I mostly kept it together for the rest of the day yesterday because work kept me busy. By the time I got home, I was tired enough to be able to just drift off to sleep without thinking about it too much. Now it's a new day though and I've woken up constantly thinking about it. I'm supposed to be going into work but I don't know if I can. I really don't think my head will be in it today. I text my parents this morning to see if they'll be home today so I could come over for a little while. My mom got back to me and said everyone was working except her but I was more than welcome to come over and she'd make us some lunch. I'm currently just walking into my parent's house.
"Hi sweetheart" my mom smiles at me as I walk into the kitchen where she is. I take one look at her and all my emotions come crashing down. I tell my mom anything and we're really close so as soon as I see her, I get emotional. I don't need to be strong around her.
"Mom…" I can't even say anything else before I'm in floods of tears, breaking down in front of her.
"Santana, oh my goodness. What's going on?" my mom asks worriedly as she runs over to me and hugs me.
"There's no baby, mom" I say crying.
"It's ok. I'm here" she says while hugging me tightly.
"We went through with the abortion and now I wish we hadn't" I state.
"Come on, let's sit down" she says while taking me to the living room where we sit down on the couch together. "Start from the beginning honey whenever you're ready" she tells me.
"I've always wanted children mom and maybe this wasn't an ideal situation but I think in hindsight I could have done it. The only problem was Brittany" I sigh.
"What do you mean?" she asks confused.
"I couldn't lose her and what we have so I agreed to the abortion. If we kept the baby, her and I wouldn't be where we used to be and we'd probably end up hating each other" I state. Yes, we would always be in the others life with a baby but it wouldn't be the same and we'd end up always arguing. Then Brittany would leave the company so the only time I got to see her would be when we needed to be together for the baby.
"Did Brittany feel the same as you?" she asks me.
"I think in an ideal world she was willing to raise the baby with me but we're not in an ideal world because I'm her boss and we're not in a relationship" I state.
"Would you like to be?" my mom asks as I lift my head from her shoulder.
"Would I like to be what?" I ask.
"Don't pretend Santana. You're smarter than that. You know what I'm talking about" my mom replies.
"I don't know about that but what I do want is for Brittany to be in my life and for us to not argue every time we see or talk to one another" I state.
"It sounds like you might have feelings for her" she replies.
"Even if I do mom, it's never going to work" I sigh. "She isn't likely to feel the same as me and it's clear we can't work together unless it's during work."
"I think it's just an emotional time for the two of you at the moment so it looks like you can't do anything but only work well at work. In time though I think you'll get that friendship back" she tells me.
"That's the thing mom, I don't think we ever were friends" I state.
"I think you were and you just didn't know it because that was more than two ladies messing around together. That wasn't just about sex and we can all see that" my mom says.
"Mom, can we not go that deep into it please" I say while frowning. It's clear to my parents Brittany and I obviously slept together since I got pregnant but I don't want to talk about my sex life with her.
"I'm not judging you because we were all young once so you don't need to be embarrassed about it" she assures me. It's still weird though talking about sex with my mom.
"Yeah but you and dad didn't do anything like that because you met in high school and got together at 16. You guys are solid and always have been whereas I'm just floating through life making one relationship mistake after the other" I say deflated.
"Ah, so you admit you and Brittany have a relationship. Not maybe a normal one but one all the same" she smirks at me.
"No mom" I say shaking my head at her.
"I'm not trying to be harsh Santana but you need to think about what you want now. Are you ready to move on from Brittany or would you like to see what could happen between you both?" she asks me.
"I really don't know mom" I sigh. "I only had the abortion yesterday so things are still raw but at the same time, it's made me realise Brittany isn't just my employee, is she?" I state.
"Maybe once emotions settle down then you can both have a little talk about things" she suggests.
"Maybe but Brittany doesn't feel the same way" I sigh again.
"You're a determined woman Santana so you always find a way to get what you want so don't give up" my mom smiles.
"Yes, but if it is Brittany I want, I won't get her if she doesn't want me" I point out.
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*Monday 6th April 2020*
I'm hard at work in my office right now. I had a couple of meetings this morning and then I grabbed a quick break to get some lunch. It's now the afternoon and I'm finally sitting down in my office again working. I'm just scribbling down a few new design ideas that were floating around in my head when my office door swings open. I'm immediately pissed at this because I thought I locked my door to prevent interruptions and also whoever has just opened it is obviously channelling a little aggression which I don't take kindly to.
"Enough is enough Santana" Brittany says while slamming the door shut behind her before walking towards my desk.
"Good afternoon Brittany, please do come in" I say sarcastically.
"This attitude you're giving me is not working for me. Also, I don't appreciate you ignoring my calls and refusing to speak to me. I haven't a fucking clue what I've done wrong so can you please talk to me. You have been avoiding me since Thursday and I don't like it. We went through a tough time together and now you won't even speak to me. I didn't force you to sleep with me and get pregnant, that happened together so what have I done wrong?" she replies.
"You finished?" I ask.
"Yeah" she nods her head. "Please just tell me what's going on."
"You know I'm no good with feelings and things like that so I was trying to tell you something but you didn't get it so I got pissed" I sigh.
"You were trying to tell me you regretted the abortion" she states.
"Yes, amongst other things" I reply.
"You have to know Santana; in an ideal world I would have had this baby with you in a heartbeat. It's not a reflection on you as a parent or anything like that, I promise" she assures me. "You and I just don't work in a mature fashion that a baby needs."
"I know" I sigh.
"I did want this baby and don't think I didn't because I did but that would be me ruling with my heart and not my head babe" she tells me.
"Don't call me babe, it confuses things" I state.
"Sorry, it's a slip of the tongue. I call everyone I'm close to babe" she shrugs.
"We're not close though" I point out.
"We are though Santana" she tells me. "You might not think we are but we are" she shrugs.
"Ok well whatever we are, we are still colleagues first and foremost so let's get back to work now" I say. Nothing can change right now so we might as well get on with work.
"Fine" she nods.
"Do you have the latest financial report for me so I can see where things stand at the moment?" I ask.
"I haven't quite finished the last one yet" she tells me.
"You better get back to your desk and do that please and then we can talk about it once it's finished" I tell her and she nods. "Make sure it's finished today though because I need to see those numbers" I add.
"I'll have it ready as soon as possible" she nods again before leaving.
I'm working for about another half an hour before I get an email from Brittany. She has attached the finished report I asked for and more. It particularly frustrates me that she has also sent me other documents when I asked for the report only. I guess it's good she's on top of her work and has things finished and ready to show me but it's also quite rude. I only have time to look at the report with her today so she's pressurising me. She's also trying to be clever and show me she can work but I'm not interested in rudeness like that. I asked for one thing not 5 so why she had to send me 5 things at once when she quite clearly knows I don't have time to go through everything annoys me. I'm just about to reply to Brittany's email and tell her to come to my office when my door swings open for the second time today.
"Coffee for you" Brittany smiles as she places a cup of coffee in front of me on my desk.
"Why are you doing this Brittany?" I ask.
"Because you haven't had your afternoon coffee yet" she smiles.
"Ok but why are you bringing me coffee right now. We're in a weird place right now so this just confuses things. We should go back to being boss and employee and boss and employee only" I point out.
"Things don't have to be weird though Santana. Yes, I still work for you but we're better than that. We don't need to leave it there. We can be friends again" she smiles.
"We've never really been friends" I mutter.
"Whatever we have or haven't been doesn't matter anymore. We can start off now as colleagues and friends" she tells me with a smile.
"Ok but technically we're not colleagues because I'm your boss. You work for me not along with me. You see the difference?" I say.
"I do see the difference, yes" she laughs. "You don't need to make everything so hard though" she points out.
"I'm not making anything hard" I shrug.
"You're getting a little technical when you don't need to. I know colleagues isn't the correct term but you knew what I was trying to say so you could have just agreed with me" she smiles. "Anyway, I'm here now so shall we go through the report?" she asks.
"I'm glad you said that because it brings up another point I need to make" I state. "I see you sent me 5 or 6 other documents and I've got to say, that's not appropriate."
"In what way is it not appropriate? I mean you're my boss and I need you to look at the work I've done so far so why shouldn't I email you them once they're finished" she tells me.
"It's not appropriate because I'm very busy today so I asked for one report not 8 or 9 since I don't have time for that many" I say seriously.
"Ok, make up your mind. Did I send you 5, 6, 8 or 9 things?" she asks with a laugh.
"I didn't count, I just knew it was more than the 1 I asked for. Also, stop laughing" I say unamused.
"Do you know, you have two authoritative tones. One which is strictly professional and I know I shouldn't mess with it. The other is a cute one where you say serious things but they don't come across as seriously. You sound cute and the one you have right now is the cute one" she smiles at me.
"You're crossing a line today Pierce" I state loudly. If she thinks I'm cute then maybe me speaking louder will get the message across better.
"I've crossed many lines already. A particular one being sleeping with my boss" she shrugs at me.
"We are severely off topic. My point today is I asked for the report and nothing else" I sigh.
"Let me just get this right, you're mad at me for actually working and getting things finished on time?" she asks amused.
"In a nutshell, yes" I nod. "You're trying to be clever by sending me all of those things because you know I don't have time for them so you're making me look incompetent. I only have time to work on the report with you but you sending me all those other things makes it look like I can't work at your speed when we all know it's not true. I'm just very busy today" I add.
"I just sent you then when they got finished. You don't need to look at them today. I just wanted you to have them whenever you're ready to take a look" she shrugs. "Anyway, shall we get on with the report?" she asks as she pulls a chair up next to me.
"Uh…yeah" I say distractedly. I know it sounds weird but Brittany and I haven't been this close in a few days now so it's a little weird. We're only sitting together but it still makes me feel weird inside. Quinn would probably tell me it's because I have feelings but we're not going to believe that.
"Why are you staring at me?" she asks as she takes a double take at me.
"I'm not staring at you" I say defensively as I look away. Ok so maybe my eyes did wander a little bit but it wasn't as obvious as she's making it out to be.
"You were definitely looking at me Santana. I'm not going to argue with you about something trivial though so let's just get to work" she shrugs.
"I wasn't staring, I was just looking at your outfit today. It's incredibly mismatched and it's actually a little embarrassing for SL Designs to have an employee dressed like that when we pride ourselves in great fashion" I state.
"Ok, whatever you say" she laughs at me.
"I'm serious" I state.
"I wore this particular outfit a couple of weeks ago and you told me I looked hot so I don't believe you right now. Anyway, the report" she says as she points to the computer screen.
"Right, yeah" I say, finally taking my gaze away from my employee.
"So, the finances look great Santana, I can't lie" she smiles at me as she leans over me to move the mouse on the screen to open up the report.
"I wouldn't want you to lie" I tell her, trying not to breathe in her scent as she continues to lean over me. She wears such lovely perfume and it always reminds me of her. Any time I smell that perfume, I think of Brittany. Creepy I know but I can't help it.
"I didn't mean I would actually lie. It's an expression" she says laughing. "Anyway, you are doing great at the moment. However, I did have a talk with some people in payroll for the sake of the accounts and there are a few issues there" she points out.
"Bad issues?" I ask concerned.
"Yeah" she nods. "Apparently you're not paying me enough" she smirks.
"That's not funny Brittany" I say unamused.
"I'm joking about that but seriously, I have my concerns about payroll" she tells me. "I think the delivery company we hired to help out with a few high orders recently is getting paid far too much. We either need to let them go and do it all ourselves or we tell them about reducing their pay" she states.
"Ok, we can look into that at some point then" I nod.
"Other than that, the finances are great. We should already know that though because you are super talented and successful" she smiles as she leans forward and take a sip of my coffee. God, could this woman be any more perfect?
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*Friday 10th April 2020*
It's Mercedes' birthday in a few days so Brittany is hosting a birthday party for her tonight. She'll probably spend her actual birthday with her family and things like that but tonight is just a bit of a gathering for all of her friends to celebrate her birthday with her. Brittany invited me to the party and initially I declined because I didn't think I'd really know many people but then she persuaded me since Quinn is going too.
The party is being held at Brittany's apartment which I thought wasn't the best option since it was such a small place but it's not exactly my business so never mind. Brittany can do whatever she wants especially in her own home. I just would have picked somewhere a little bigger and somewhere I didn't need to sit on someone's lap to get a seat. I also wouldn't mind having a conversation with someone who didn't have to shout in my ear so we could be heard since the music is so loud. I don't take too kindly to someone's hot moist breath in my ear.
"Are you having fun?" Brittany asks as she skips over to me.
"Oh yeah, tons of fun" I say sarcastically. "A kind friend of yours just put their sweaty underarm on me when they tried to put their arm over my shoulder. Another friend also was headed to the bathroom and brushed right up against me as they left. Then my so-called best friend deserted me to dance with her boyfriend."
"You can go home you know" she tells me offended.
"I'm sorry" I sigh. "It's just not my idea of a gathering because I usually go bigger you know but I'm happy to be here."
"Can you tell your face you're happy then because it doesn't show it" Brittany smirks at me.
"I'm sorry, I am" I apologise. "It's just not really my thing so it's out of my comfort zone" I explain.
"Why are you here then?" she wonders.
"Because you're he…I mean it's Mercedes' birthday so she's like one of my friends now so I wanted to celebrate her birthday with her" I say. Fuck I nearly told Brittany I was here for her.
"You should come and dance with us" she tells me.
"I'm not much of a dancer" I shrug.
"Quinn tells me you can sing though so I'd assume you'd have rhythm of some sort since you'll probably bop along to music when you sing" she states.
"I'm ok just standing here just now" I say. "I might go and get another cocktail though" I shrug.
"I'll get it for you. You stay here" Brittany smiles.
"Thanks" I say. Brittany then goes and makes me my favourite cocktail. I'm honestly so confused sometimes because it's like she knows me so well but yet she has no clue how I really feel. You would think if she knows me this much then why can't she see what's going on with me. I hate dealing with feelings so I really don't want to have to spoon-feed her how I feel but it's looking that way with how clueless she is.
"Cocktail for Miss Santana Lopez" Brittany smiles while handing me the drink.
"Thanks" I nod.
"I'm going to dance with my friends. Are you sure you don't want to come?" she asks me and I shake my head. "I'll catch up with you later then" she says before dancing away to meet her friends in the middle of the living room who have already started dancing.
"Hey" Quinn smiles at me as she walks over to me. Obviously, she has managed to tear herself away from James for a moment and realised her best friend needs her.
"How have I never noticed just how good a dancer Brittany is?" I ask Quinn as I barely take my eyes off Brittany.
"Maybe because you never used to pay attention to her unless it had something to do with sex" she shrugs at me.
"Whatever" I say while rolling my eyes at my best friend. There might be an element of truth in this but she doesn't need to point it out.
"How are things between the two of you anyway?" she asks me curiously.
"It's hard to say really" I sigh. "At work we have that working relationship again I think but the flirting has definitely gone. I guess that's to be expected though" I shrug. "Outside of work isn't great at the moment though. I mean I'm here so I am socialising in a way with Brittany but we don't do anything just the two of us anymore. I guess we never really did in the past either but I mean like she doesn't come to my place to discuss work on a day off or anything like that."
"I'm sure you'll get that back if you want it" Quinn shrugs.
"I want Brittany in my life but I don't know how that's supposed to happen. After everything that's happened, it just seems unlikely. Apart from working together, I think I have probably lost her" I sigh.
"You still haven't told her how you really feel, have you?" Quinn asks.
"No and I probably won't" I sigh. She isn't the least bit interested in me so there's no point anymore. I just need to get over her and move on with my life.
"You don't know how she feels though Santana. Maybe she feels the same way as you do" she points out.
"I highly doubt it" I state.
"Yes, you might doubt it but you really won't know unless you talk to her. For all we know she is over there dancing and putting a brave face on things but secretly hurting" she states.
"Or she's dancing over there without a care in the world, looking at all these hot women thinking, I could settle down with one of these and I can finally get rid of my annoying boss who isn't worth it anymore since she had the abortion" I shrug.
"Stop that right now Santana" Quinn shakes her head at me. "There is no way Brittany thinks that about you" she tells me.
"Has she said something to you that makes you think differently. Has she said she likes me the same way I like her?" I ask curiously.
"No, but…"
"There we go then. She isn't interested in me so it's time for me to get a kick up the ass and move on with my life" I state.
XXX
I don't know if Brittany changed things or if it's all the liquor I've had but the party suddenly got a little more interesting as the night went on. All those people running around and pushing past me didn't seem to bother me anymore. The guys that started chatting me up also got a little more tolerable. The only downside was that Brittany started to get cuter to me and it hasn't helped how I feel one bit. I think that's why I drank all of that alcohol that I was given. I needed to forget about my feelings for a while. Brittany probably doesn't feel the same way as me which is fine but it is going to take some time for me to move past how I feel. Right now, the girl of my dreams could come towards me with a wedding dress and a baby and I still wouldn't feel any differently because they're not Brittany. As much as I'm serious about settling down at the moment, it won't feel right when it's not Brittany.
"Home time" I sing as I cling onto Quinn's arm. I've not got the best balance right now after the number of drinks I've had. Everyone has left now except Quinn, James and me.
"There's no way she's going to get home tonight" I hear Quinn sigh to Brittany.
"Just puts me in cab and I go home" I slur.
"I don't think a cab will pick you up like this in this state. They'll probably refuse to let you into the taxi" Quinn replies.
"Well I need to go home Q" I state. They better fucking let me in their cab because I can't sleep outside. I'll likely freeze to death outside especially in this drunk state.
"Maybe she could stay here tonight Brittany?" Quinn asks Brittany. I might be wasted but I'm not that wasted that I don't know what she's doing.
"No, I go home" I say while stumbling towards the door.
"Quinn is right, just stay here" Brittany sighs. "I think the taxis will probably not allow you into them because of how wasted you are. They won't want to risk you throwing up in them."
"I don't want to stay here tonight" I lie. "I want to go home to my own bed" I shrug.
"Santana, none of the rest of us can drive you home and like we say, we can't see any taxi drivers allowing you into their cabs in case you throw up" Quinn replies.
"I can phone my parents" I shrug.
"We're not waking them up in the middle of the night. Brittany said you can stay here so you stay here" Quinn states. "It shouldn't be a problem anyway because you have done it many times before" she smirks at Brittany and I.
"Why don't you just piss off home since you're leaving me here" I say while pushing Quinn to the door. "This was your plan all along so it's worked now go away" I say before shutting the door behind her and James.
"Santana" Brittany laughs at me. "I didn't even say goodbye to them so that was just rude" she says before opening the door again.
"It was rude of them to cock up a little plan like that" I shout after them. After Brittany talks at the door with them for a little bit, they eventually leave and Brittany comes back in and locks the door behind her.
"You can take my bed tonight" Brittany says as she puts her arms around me and helps me to the bedroom.
"Where are you sleeping?" I ask curiously.
"I'll just take the couch or something" she shrugs at me.
"Fine" I mutter sadly. "There would be enough room on the bed to share it but if you want to be awkward and take the couch then that's fine. It's your place so your decision I guess" I shrug.
"I'm not being awkward. I just didn't want to give you the wrong idea" she tells me.
"Well, you're giving me the wrong idea by making things awkward around us. Just because we had a few hook-ups doesn't mean I'm going to expect that tonight. We've made it abundantly clear we don't do that kind of thing anymore so why can't you just innocently share the bed with me?" I ask.
"I can share the bed. I just didn't want to give you any ideas" she smirks at me as she sits me down gently on the bed.
"You're not undressing me tonight" I warn her as she kneels down to take my shoes off.
"Don't worry, I hadn't planned on undressing you Santana" she tells me seriously.
"I'm not undressing you either just in case you try to make a joke out of this" I state.
"Look, no one is undressing anyone. I'm just taking your shoes off so you're a little more comfortable. If you feel like getting changed then I can give you something to wear. The dress your wearing is lovely but doesn't look the best to sleep in" she points out.
"Ok, I will take some things to wear" I state. "I'll pick it out though because with you and your horrible fashion sense, I'll be going to bed like an old grandma or some hooker" I add. Her fashion is that bizarre that it goes from one extreme to another.
"Fine, pick whatever you want to sleep in" she says while helping me off the bed before leading me to her closet. I honestly don't know what Quinn was thinking when she sold this place to Brittany. The closet is the smallest thing I've ever seen.
"Ok, go away now" I say once I pick something to change into.
"Charming" she chuckles.
"I need to change and you're not getting a free show of this" I say as I point to my body. She might have been able to ogle me before but not anymore.
"That's absolutely fine. I'm going to change in my bathroom. Just give me a shout when you're done and I can come back into the room" she tells me before leaving. I get myself changed before banging on the wall next to me which happens to be the bathroom next door.
"I'm all done and looking sexy" I smile at Brittany as I lie on the bed.
"Good" Brittany nods. She then climbs into bed next to me. We lie quietly next to one another for a moment before Brittany speaks up to disrupt the silence. "Did you have fun tonight?" she asks.
"It was ok" I shrug. I've had more fun at parties before but I guess this is mostly down to my mood at the moment.
"We've been through a lot recently so I know we can't fully enjoy ourselves but did you at least get to let your hair down a little and have some fun?" she asks me.
"I guess so" I shrug. "You?" I ask.
"Yeah I had some fun" she nods. "I am quite tired though so we probably should get to sleep now" she adds.
"Yeah" I nod.
"You're doing ok, right?" she asks me before she settles down properly in bed.
"I guess" I shrug.
"Ok, goodnight" she says.
"Night" I reply. We lie in bed in silence for a few minutes before I speak up again, breaking the silence. "I know we were never a serious thing Brittany but to paraphrase Taylor Swift, you were the best thing that's ever been mine" I say seriously.
"Uh…" Brittany looks at me confused as if she doesn't know what I mean by what I'm saying.
"We should sleep now" I say while turning around and curling up into a little ball to sleep.
"Santana, I…"
"Goodnight Brittany" I say seriously. I'm getting too tired now so I don't want to talk anymore. I just want to go to sleep and hopefully it'll stop this nauseous feeling I have from all the drink tonight.
"Can we talk in the morning?" Brittany whispers.
"Sleep, Brittany" I state before pulling the covers over me.
Brittany's POV
*Saturday 11th April 2020*
I know I had a lot of alcohol last night because of how hungover I feel right now but I still remember very clearly how the night ended. I was just getting Santana settled in bed and she says something weird to me that's making me question everything. I don't quite know what she means by it so I want to speak to her this morning and see what she did actually mean. It might have been the alcohol talking but another part of me knows when Santana's drunk, she still makes sense. She's the same Santana intoxicated but just a little looser I would say.
I'm sure I've just heard movement from my bedroom so I've just started making us both some coffee. No matter whether we get a chance to talk or not this morning, I know Santana will still want some coffee. It's a few minutes later before Santana walks into the kitchen, still wearing my shirt and a pair of my boxers. Yes, that's right, she had my whole wardrobe to choose from last night to pick something for bed and she went with a pair of my underpants. It speaks volumes for me because I wouldn't go out there and wear just anyone's underwear to bed. It's kinda cute that's she's wearing my things.
"Is there something wrong with your eyes Pierce?" she asks me.
"Huh" I ask confused.
"You were staring very hard at something. I would be inclined to think it was me but I don't know for sure. Are your eyes liked glued so you can't move them or something" she asks me.
"I'm not the person here who stares, that's you" I smirk.
"Whatever" she rolls her eyes at me as she takes a seat at the table. "I assume this is for me" she says as she drinks a cup of coffee.
"You were still going to drink it even if it wasn't, right?" I chuckle.
"You bet I was" she says seriously.
"So, are you feeling hungover this morning?" I ask. I want to gauge how she's feeling so I know whether I can bring up last night right now or not. If she's too hungover then maybe she won't want to talk.
"I'm not too bad actually and after this coffee, I'll be good" she smiles.
"Cool" I smile back. "Can we talk for a minute then?" I ask.
"Sure" she shrugs before sitting back in her chair and putting her feet up on the table as she sips her coffee. Honestly, it's a lovely sight. Santana has great legs and I'm also not offended by the lack of bra I notice. I probably should focus though and stop being so weird.
"What did you mean last night when you said I was the best thing that's ever been yours?" I ask confused.
"I don't remember anything about last night. I was so drunk" Santana shrugs. I don't buy it though.
"I think you do remember but you just don't want to admit it" I point out. I don't know if she's ashamed or embarrassed or what she is but I definitely think she knows what I'm talking about. She just said she wasn't that hungover so how wouldn't she remember what she said.
"Honestly Brittany, I don't even remember" she lies. I know she's lying because I can tell when she lies. After all these months working together, I pick up on these things.
"That's absolutely fine Santana. You can lie to me all you want but how do you expect us to become friends again if you can't be honest with me" I shrug.
"I was just upset about the pregnancy and stuff. Don't worry about it" she states.
"It wasn't an ordinary thing to say so I want to know what you meant by it" I point out.
"I just meant you have been really supportive over the last little while and as much as I hate feelings, you have been a good friend" she shrugs. "I meant mine as in my friend" she adds.
"Ok" I smile. It makes sense so I get it now. For a minute I thought maybe she had feelings or something for me but I knew that wouldn't be the case. I can't see Santana wanting anything more from me especially after what went on between us and the abortion.
"So, what are you plans for tonight?" Santana asks, looking over at me.
"Not much at all. I just want a quiet day to relax because I am feeling uneasy with this hangover. I don't normally feel sick but I do this morning" I state.
"Maybe you overdid it last night with the cocktails and shots. You're normally just a red wine girl aren't you so maybe your stomach just wasn't used to the change" she tells me.
"Yeah, maybe" I smile. "So, what are your plans for today?" I ask.
"I'm certainly not working today. It can wait until tomorrow" she replies.
"Do you want to stay here and hang out with me today. We haven't really hung out a whole lot recently. There's probably lots of things on Netflix that you haven't seen yet that we could watch together and I could make my famous grilled cheese" I suggest.
"If the grilled cheese doesn't live up to my expectations then I might just leave" she smirks.
"Trust me, you'll like it" I smile.
"Can I have a quick shower first though?" she asks me.
"Of course, you can. Help yourself to whatever you need, towels and whatnot" I smile. I'm glad we can get back to this kind of friendly atmosphere.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
*Monday 20th April 2020*
Things are starting to get back to normal with Santana. We certainly don't flirt or hook-up anymore but we are becoming close again. We tease each other from time to time and I always grab her coffee from her favourite coffee shop on my way into work in the morning. We also hang out with our friends again and it's less tense. There is still a slight awkwardness in the back of my mind though because things aren't going as smoothly as one would hope. I'm just putting that down to us still getting over what happened. As much as we felt the abortion was for the best, it still hurts to this day.
I've just got into work so I'm dropping my things off at my desk before I go to Santana's office. Like I say I bring her coffee in the morning so that's where I'm going now. I also took the liberty of getting her a pastry because she doesn't always have time for breakfast in the morning. When I get to her office I knock on the door and when I hear a faint 'come in' I walk inside.
"Morning" I smile. "Coffee as promised" I add as I place the coffee down in front of her.
"I got my period this morning" Santana tells me, not even bothering to say 'good morning' or 'thanks' for the coffee.
"Um…I'm happy for you?" I say confused. When a girl tells you something like that what are you meant to say? It's even weirder that Santana is the one telling me this. Santana doesn't talk about personal matters all that much. I mean she even dislikes sneezing in front of me so why is she telling me this. Don't get me wrong though, just because I don't go through that doesn't mean I'm grossed out or anything because I'm not.
"Mockery doesn't suit you sometimes Brittany" she tells me with a glare as she takes a sip of coffee.
"I'm sorry but what exactly would you like me to do with that information?" I ask confused.
"I know it sounds stupid but it's the first time since the pregnancy and it just sorta brought a few memories back" she says quietly.
"Oh honey" I say sympathetically. Way to go Brittany, putting your foot in it again.
"It just makes it all more real that I am no longer pregnant" she sighs. "I know it's done now but this whole thing has really affected me a lot more than I thought it had."
"I get it Santana, I do" I smile.
"What, did you get your period this morning too?" she teases.
"Yes. Yes, I did" I joke.
"No, seriously though. It's got me down a little this morning because it's a constant reminder that the baby is gone. I know you said I will have more kids in the future but it still makes me sad that I won't have this one" she sighs.
"Why don't you take a break from work today?" I suggest.
"No, I need to work. Plus, it should take my mind off things if I work" she states.
"Ok" I nod. "If you want to talk about it at any point then come and find me" I tell her.
"Thanks, but I'm sure it'll be ok. I just need to keep myself busy like I say" Santana replies. "I would like you to come back here in an hour or so, so we can discuss a few matters I have. There are a few finance things we need to talk about and I need to ask you some other stuff out with your department."
"Ok, see you in an hour" I smile. I then head back to my desk and get started working for a while before I need to meet with Santana again.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
*Thursday 23rd April 2020*
It's another day at work and another hard day at that. Every day is an interesting one where I work. I could go in one day and not have one issue at all and I could go in another day and 500 things have gone wrong. It's just the nature of the business I work in. We are always trying to stay on trend and continue to make the SL brand popular. Santana has some great customer loyalty but we like to drive sales all year round and not just at Christmas or other holidays so we're always doing something to make the brand popular at quieter times of year.
I have just walked into Santana's office right now to talk to her about a few things. It seems like I'm the only one who does this but I guess Santana likes it this way. I always seem to be the second in command so when Santana isn't available then everything falls on my shoulders. Santana makes all the final decisions obviously but it is cute how she always asks me these days what I think about things.
"Morning" I say as I close the door behind me.
"Hey" she looks up at me from her computer.
"How is our day looking so far?" I ask curiously.
"Not too bad" Santana replies. "Can I ask you a favour though?" she asks.
"Depends what it is" I smirk.
"I'm being serious" she tells me.
"Sorry, I'll behave" I smile at her.
"I've got a meeting with Chanel later and…"
"Janelle" I correct Santana. There is no one who works here called Chanel so I can only assume she means Janelle since Janelle has a meeting with Santana later.
"What?" she looks at me glaring, most probably because I interrupted her.
"You have a meeting with Janelle later not Chanel. No one called Chanel works here as far as I'm aware" I tell her.
"Ok, whatever" she shrugs. "So, I have a meeting with JANELLE later and I wondered if you could maybe sit in on it with me?" she asks looking down nervously.
"Sure, but why?" I ask confused. Why would she need someone else to sit in on the meeting with her? She can normally handle that sort of thing on her own since she is the boss.
"Well the meeting is about her leaving to go on maternity leave and honestly, I'd just like some support. It's definitely not her fault but I don't know what I'm going to be like emotionally having a conversation with someone who is having a baby soon" she admits.
"Say no more, I'm here" I smile. She doesn't need to explain anymore to me because I get it. I'll totally be there for her for whatever she needs.
"Thank you" she says honestly.
"What time is the meeting?" I ask.
"2pm so if there is anything you need to get on with just now then you can do that. Just make sure you're back here for the meeting" she tells me.
"I will actually head back to my desk and we can talk later after the meeting" I say. I can get my work done now and that means that no matter how long the meeting is, I've got everything I need to do done.
The meeting didn't go too badly and Santana was so strong through it which was good. I was quite worried about her but she seemed fine. I mean not exactly fine but for the circumstances she seemed to be handling things well. Janelle then left and Santana and I got on with some work that we needed to do together. I'm currently just in the bathroom and once I'm done, I'm heading back to my desk to do some more of my work. I'm just washing my hands at the sinks when Santana walks into the bathroom.
"Uh…hello" I say surprised. I know it's a bathroom so all employees will use the facilities from time to time but this isn't a bathroom Santana frequents. She normally uses the one next to her office since it's closer to where she is.
"Hi" she says quietly as she walks towards me. She turns me around and presses me up against the sinks and leans in and kisses me.
"Santana, what are you doing?" I ask, pulling away.
"Please Brittany" she says sadly. "You're the only one who truly knows how I feel so please; I need this today" she says as she puts her arms around me.
"Ok but not here" I say while taking her hand and leading her out of the bathrooms. We make our way back to her office and I close the door and lock it behind us. I know this is probably making our 'relationship' a lot more confusing but if this is what she really needs then I'm here for her. It's been a really tough day so if she wants me close then I'm close.
"Janelle having her baby made me realise I'm not having mine" she says, looking down at the floor sadly.
"I get that and it's affected me a little as well today, I won't lie" I say as I walk towards her and gently take her hand as I lead us over to the couch.
"You're the only one who really gets this" she tells me again as she straddles me.
"You don't need to explain. I'm here for whatever you need" I smile.
"You've got a little bit of a tan" Santana smirks at me as she takes my shirt off.
"I was at the beach at the weekend" I smile.
XXX
"We probably should stop this" Santana sighs as we get ourselves dressed.
"It was your idea" I point out. I'm not complaining we did it because it was nice but this was Santana's idea so why is she suddenly regretting it now.
"I know but I'm confusing things now" she says while shaking her head. "We shouldn't be hooking up like this all the time because we need to be mature adults now" she states.
"Yeah, I know" I nod in agreement.
"You're going to find your perfect girl and settle down with her and start a family and I'm going to try to do the same. Our whole situation has made me realise I want something serious and I want children sooner than I thought" she says. "Don't get me wrong, I won't pressure my future girlfriend into it right away because we'll go through the proper channels first where we build a relationship, get married and then have a family" she points out.
"I know what you mean" I smile. This situation has made us realise we want proper relationships now and not just fun. We don't want to rush into kids but it would be nice to start a relationship and know we could have a family in time.
"I think I might leave work now for today. I don't think I have the energy to continue working today" Santana sighs.
"You're not in the best head space today. Maybe you should invite Quinn over to your place for some company and have a girl's night or something so you're not alone" I suggest.
"No, I don't want to hang out with Quinn" she tells me. "Maybe you could come over and we can share a bottle of wine or something" she shrugs.
"Just as friends?" I ask.
"Yeah" she nods. "No more childish nonsense" she assures me.
"I could come over for some wine" I smile.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
*Monday 27th April 2020*
Santana and I are hard at work in her office right now. We're just preparing for the weekly meeting we have with staff that isn't actually every week nowadays. It started off as every week but things got in the way so these meetings are kinda sporadic but we still have them whenever we can to update staff and iron out any issues. We've got the meeting in 15 minutes so we're just making sure we have everything we need to report back to the staff. Santana will be giving a little presentation and no doubt she'll ask me to say a few things to everyone.
"Ok, first things first, I want a copy of the latest sales figures to take to my meeting so can you email me a copy?" Santana asks me.
"Sure" I nod while pulling up the document on my tablet and emailing Santana.
"Also, I need to get in touch with Courtney because our social media has been lacking lately" she says. Courtney is our social media expert for the company.
"It probably will drive sales a little more if we're all a bit more active on social media and promote the products" I nod.
"Exactly" Santana says in agreement.
"Speaking of social media, I saw the picture you posted on Instagram. It was hot" I smirk at Santana. She recently posted a few pictures and they really were cute.
"Brittany, don't" she shakes her head at me.
"I'm just saying" I shrug.
"Don't make this harder than it has to be" Santana tells me.
"I'm not making anything harder. I'm just telling you as a friend that I thought you looked so hot in your pictures" I shrug again.
"That is making it harder though" she states.
"In what way?" I ask. "We're friends nowadays so can't I compliment you. It's not like we had feelings for each other when we were hooking up so what's wrong with a compliment?" I shrug.
"It's just weird so stop it" she snaps at me.
"You never used to have problems with compliments" I state.
"I do now so enough is enough" she tells me seriously. "Now come on, get ready for this meeting Brittany" she adds.
"Sorry" I apologise.
"Can you go and find Courtney for me and make sure she comes to the meeting. I want her to give everyone little tips on how to promote the brand better" she tells me.
"I will go and get her now and meet you in the conference room" I say.
"Oh, and make sure you have a bottle of water with you for the meeting. I don't want repeats of any of the last times you led the session. You either couldn't put a sentence together or you lost your voice because you were talking too much beforehand" she tells me.
"Don't worry, I won't embarrass myself like the last time" I say while rolling my eyes at her.
XXX
The meeting went quite well today and all the staff seem on board with the changes we need to make. Santana is quite happy with the meeting too because there were no issues and everyone put forward some great ideas. My presentation on the finances was positive so everyone was happy with that and Courtney was telling us that we have had an increase in popularity through social media already so with the changes that should be great.
Mostly everyone has left the conference meeting now and are getting lunch before they start back work. It's just Jack and I left in the room. We wanted to discuss a few things together before we went back to our desks to get on with work. He brought up some things during my presentation that I want to talk to him about. It was just some cost cutting ideas that I think could work so I wanted to talk to him about them while they were still fresh in our heads.
"I think it's lunch time for you and I now" I say as my stomach grumbles with hunger.
"Yeah, I agree. I am so hungry right now" he says as we pack away our things.
"I wonder if I should get Santana something to eat when we're out" I say. I don't think she's eaten yet. She was headed back to her office to work.
"Speaking of her, what's going on with you and Ms Lopez?" Jack asks me.
"Nothing more than usual" I shrug.
"You two have been acting differently these days. I mean you used to act like flirty and stuff and then suddenly it stopped and you stopped being around each other. Nowadays you seem friends again but the friendship doesn't seem as free as it used to be" he tells me.
"We weren't flirty, we've always just been friends" I shrug. No one needs to know what has been going on with us. It's not just Santana that would want it on the down low, I also don't want my colleagues gossiping about me and my boss.
"Even so, I can see something between the two of you" he smirks at me.
"Honestly, just friends" I shrug. "We should finish up in here" I state, trying to change the subject.
"I heard you and I believe you're just friends now but I think something could happen between the two of you. You'd make a good match too" he shrugs at me. "If it's the rest of us you're worried about then I wouldn't bother because you guys are the boss of this place so you can do what you want" he adds.
"Santana is the boss around here, I'm not even close" I chuckle.
"Seriously though, I can see something between you both" Jack states.
"Can I tell you something private?" I ask him nervously. I can trust Jack so I don't see why I shouldn't be a little honest with him since we work together so closely.
"Of course" he smiles.
"If you must know, I'm falling for Santana" I admit with a sigh.
"Like, how?" he asks curiously.
"I've got feelings for my boss and…"
"And what?" Santana asks, interrupting me. I have no idea where she has just come from because I thought Jack and I were alone.
"Shit" I mutter.
"I gotta go, see you" Jack says before rushing away.
"Y-you've got feelings for me?" she asks surprised. "Like actual feelings for me and you're not pulling some sort of sick joke right now?"
"I'm falling for you Santana like I've never fallen for someone before" I admit, sighing. I have no idea what happens now but Santana looks rather taken aback so I can only imagine she's going to run out that door and never speak to me again.
"Oh" she says surprised.
"Not to steal your quote or favourite Taylor Swift song but, you too are the best thing that's ever been mine" I shrug.
Let me know what you think.