Hello, Stargate Lovers!

Happy Weekend!

This one is a big chapter, with a lot of inner dialogue to further the development of the story, and a few changes from the original episode, which is one of my favourites, since it gives a little bit of an insight of John Sheppard's life on Earth, and it's one of my personal favourites, "Outcast". Honestly, I wish we had more of these, since his story is a little bit scattered over the five seasons and I never know what is real and what is not.

On a second note, I don't know if I'll be able to post a chapter next week, but I'll try!

Now, enjoy and give me your thoughts in the end!

Chapter 25: Chapter 4x15

Almost two weeks had gone by since the night under the stars, after Keras people harvest festival. She tried not to think too much of it, since there was a carefulness about the way John was treating her after their falling out because of Larrin.

Nothing much had happen after they got the sleeping bags.

They had stayed near the puddle jumper, Alexandra mostly hearing about how John and his team had helped Keras people fight the Wraith and how they gained their trust. Of course, she already knew most of it from his report at the time. And she had told him about her time with the Asgards. He didn't placed many questions, but it was good to let those fond memories out and how she felt about their disappearence almost a year ago.

Eventually, both John and Alexandra fell asleep next to each other, silence surrounding them, starry sky above, sleeping bags keeping them warm.

It was in the next morning that Alexandra realized she hadn't had a good night of sleep in months. She had felt rested and at peace for the first time since staying in Atlantis. She had to admit that his company was soothing and when she turned to the side, not finding him next to her had been disconcerting. That feeling hit her like a blow to the gut and she sit up at the same time John appeared from the settlement road with food in his hands. Almost noon, that must be a record for you, he had said jokingly as he sat down next to her, Thought I would let you sleep some more. You needed it as it turns out. The pilot ended with a soft smile and a quietness he didn't show often at her questioning look.

After their little trip, Alexandra had been called to Earth by Daniel Jackson to speak at a conference alongside him about ancient myths and lore. So, she forgot all about it. At least, in part. Out of sight, out of mind, type of thing, she kept saying to herself.

However, earlier that morning, as she was getting ready for another day of Q&A, the former major had received a call from her uncle and she had immediately postponed one of her panels.

As she got out of the car and walked up to the house for the wake, her eyes found John and Ronon immediately. As she got closer, and her brown eyes perused the one she was there to support, that disconcerting feeling was back again.

"Hey." Alexandra placed a hand on John's arm softly as he nodded upon seeing her. "How are you?"

"I'm okay." John smiled quickly. "You didn't have to come. You're busy…"

"And you're my friend, John. Of course, I needed to come."

John didn't know what else to say, so he nodded once again. He felt thankful, of course. And after two weeks, it was refreshing seeing her. He had missed her. The night they had spent together it was one of the best he had in a while. Talking about everything and nothing, some of their missions, it was different than doing so with any of the others. Not that he didn't felt comfortable with it, he loved his team, his friends, but Alexandra... there was something about her company, the way she talked and made everything simple... Even the way he had felt rested upon waking up next to her... it was different. And, as he had seen her walk up to him just a couple of minutes ago, he had made a split second wish that didn't come true. A hug. There had been a lot of hugs and shaking of hands that day... But, in the moment his eyes had locked on her figure, he wished she had hugged him. And that was disconcerting.

Of course, his brother had to interrupted them and lead him away for a private conversation. He was already dreading it, since he knew what it was about.

"You know, I'm glad you two are back at being friends. I was tired of seeing him sulk." Ronon mentioned a couple of minutes later as he and Alexandra stayed behind, watching the various groups of people talk.

"Sulk?"

"It was boring. Not even good for a sparing session he was."

"Well…" She snorted. "I'm glad I helped you out, Ronon."

"I'm serious, doc. I should have said this sooner. I know what he did was wrong but he also didn't mean it."

"I know. It's forgotten." And she actually meant it. "He's a good man, Ronon. And a good friend. I would never put that at risk. Given what I am, what I'm capable of, what I lived through already, I know true friends are important. And he's one of them. So are you, Teyla and Rodney."

Ronon smiled a little, half embarrassed at her choice of words. Then he saw her look at the distance and his eyes followed hers.

"His ex-wife." The satedan explained to Alexandra when he saw another woman approaching his friend as he walked back towards them. When he turned back to her, he saw the scientist look away, frowning slightly. "You knew he had an ex-wife, right?"

"Yes, of course." She took a sip of a drink, she had picked up from a waiter earlier. It was strange, though. "It's obvious he still cares about her, when he mentiones her."

"It is."

"I was just not expecting her to be here."

"Mm..." Ronon waited a second, chewing on his food before speaking again. "You know, I could see the change in him when you arrived. He's happier now that you're here."

And that made Alexandra become quiet the rest of the hour she stayed with them. Ronon's words not doing much for the disconcerting feeling floating around at the pit of her stomach.

Five days after he had last seen or heard from her, and after the whole Earth Replicator incident, John found the conference room where Alexandra would be speaking. It was weird not getting any answers to his calls or texts, so he knew there was only one thing to do, since he had stayed behind a few more days to make amends and take care of things with his brother.

"Here! Col. Sheppard!" Daniel Jackson whispered, beckoning him upon seeing the pilot in the hallway.

John approached him at one of the doors.

"I heard about your father. My condolences, Colonel."

"Thank you, Dr. Jackson."

"You're here to see Alex? She's speaking right now. Look." Daniel made him go through the door and look over a fringe of a curtain.

Both men appeared to be behind the stage and saw Alexandra explain something that she was showing on a screen behind her.

"She's amazing, isn't she?" Daniel asked after a few minutes.

"She is." John said, not being able to take his eyes from her.

The woman speaking was nothing like the woman he had met four years ago. Of course, there was no denying he felt attracted to her, from the first time his eyes fell on her back in Antartica. And it had stayed dormant until the moment she had reentered his life months before. And right now, seeing yet again another side of her, it was rising to a new level. Alexandra was not wearing her usual uniform, or jeans, but a soft bronze blouse, probably silk, a slightly tight black skirt and heels, high enough to make her a little bit taller. Taller enough to… And her brown hair fell on her back, loose and slightly curly.

Suddenly, John reacted on instinct as a red dot appeared on Alexandra's chest. And all she felt was a hard body slamming against hers and the floor on her back.

There was a dry thump, followed by screams, and a groan that made her open her eyes.

"Sheppard? What are you… Oh, god." The pilot fell next to her and she immediately searched for the wound as his white shirt turned slowly red. "John..." Her voice broke a little.

"You looked..." His eyes watched her face as he felt her hands on him, immediately pressing the wound the moment she found it. "Looked…"

"Yes? How did I look?" Her eyes fell on his as she pressed his shoulder. "Talk to me."

"Alex. I..." He groaned in pain at her touch.

"John? Keep talking."

An emergency team was on them seconds later, and Alexandra was pulled back from him by Daniel which turned her to him. His blue eyes scanned her to see if she was hurt and all she could do was look at John's blood on her hands.

A few hours later, after a quick debrief with Gen. Landry, a shower and a change of clothes, Alexandra found herself sitting on a chair next to John's bed.

A shot to the shoulder and now she knew what that feeling, that disconcerting feeling was.

Davos vision came to her mind. Maybe that was it. Just that. Just a shot to the shoulder. She closed her eyes at the memory, at the blood. At the fear she had felt when he disappeared from her sight when the paramedics took him. And even after they had transported him back to the SGC and she made sure he was safe, that fear was still very present within her. She had tried to shook it off but it was still there. And it will probably stay there.

When she opened her eyes after a moment, John's pale face greeted her. No. She didn't want to feel like that. Ever again. Not after what happened between her and Cameron.

Looking back... she hadn't fully recovered from the breakup, from what Adria did to them. How could that fear, that gut wrenching fear be within her? Again? What else would be coming her way? What else was the universe, the Ancients throwing back at her?

John opened his eyes to the sound of beeping. Memories came back to him and he grunted at the pain in his left shoulder.

His hazel eyes found a chair and in it, all curled up, was a sleeping Alexandra. She was back in her uniform and he sighed. She looked very much like in that morning, by Keras settlement, when he woke up first and watched her for a few minutes. She had looked beautiful, by the morning sunlight, coming behind the puddle jumper that had roused him. She had looked peaceful then, curled up inside her sleeping bag, her hair free from the usual ponytail. But now there was a small difference... there was a slight frown between her brows. Had she been worried? And since when was she there?

"Hey, flyboy." Her voice came out softly as she opened her eyes.

"Hey, doc. How long…?" John tried to move but it made him uncomfortable.

"Six hours since the surgery. Bullet wound to the shoulder."

"You looked good on that stage." He tried to compliment her, remembering the way she talked, the way she had been dressed.

"I looked good? Is that all you've got, Sheppard? Your game is a bit off, let me tell you." Alexandra teased. Banter was good. Banter was safe. It meant he was feeling good.

"Give me a couple of hours. I just got shot." He chuckled, frowning at the sudden pain. He saw her turn quiet and remembered the way her voice broke in the middle of the chaos. "Alex..."

"What were you thinking?! You could have been killed."

"Let me just..."

"No. No excuses. That was reckless, John." She stood from the chair. "I might have survived. Remember? Personal shield?"

"And I survived once again."

Alexandra gave him an exasperated look, her lips turning thin. Then she sighed, tired, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"You could have died." There was something subliminal in those words.

"You don't get rid of me that easily, O'Neill." His hand found her bent knee. The touch was soft and reassuring.

Brown and hazel eyes locked for a moment.

"I couldn't have said it better."

"Uncle Jack!" Alexandra jumped off the bed. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I heard that my niece and one of my Colonels got into a bit of a mess and I thought I should check up on them."

"As you can see we are both alright. Or half of us."

"Hey… I'm right here!" John complained.

Alexandra gave him a playful smile.

"Can I speak with Col. Sheppard for a moment, Alex?"

"Sure." The scientist looked between the two. "I have to go back to the university and make sure everyone is okay. And debrief with Agent Barret. Have some rest, will you, Sheppard?"

"Yes, Ma'am." John smiled upon seeing her roll her eyes and leave the room after a brief glance to her uncle.

"I'm glad you two are back at being friends."

"Yes, sir…?" John frowned.

"I read the reports, you know? Plus, Carter told me what happened."

"Sir..." John pulled himself up with a huff, turning serious.

"She trusts you, Sheppard. And she's usually right. It was her look back in Antarctica that first day that made me tell you about the Expedition."

"I'm glad to hear it, sir."

"And that's why I'm telling you, do not break her trust again." Jack said in the most serious tone.

"I won't, sir."

"Good. Keep an eye on her. The attack, according to Barret, was a possible Trust hit. I'm glad she's going back to Atlantis, she's safe there."

"I'll do my best, sir." John nodded. "I know the Trust can infiltrate anywhere. I'll make sure she's secure there."

Jack O'Neill stared at the pilot for a moment.

"Listen, I know it's not easy to deal with Alex when she's on… defense mode. She does it for a reason and that tends to…"

"Push people away? Yes, I got that treatment, sir." John was surprised at the General's words. "I learned my lesson. It won't happen again, sir. Alex friendship is important and I promise you she will be safe under my watch."

Jack listened quietly to the colonel's statement. There was something more than just appreciation towards his niece in them, more than just respect or care. There was something that made Jack believe that John Sheppard would rather die than to let anyone hurt his niece.

"I believe you, Sheppard." Jack started to turn. "I'll add one more week to your leave, so you two can leave together on the Daedalus."

"Thank you, sir." But only after Jack O'Neill had left, did John finally relaxed and went through the whole exchange.

Hazel eyes stared at her door house as he knocked. Soon after, he heard a crash and a curse.

"John?" Alexandra opened the door, flushed. "What are you doing here?"

"Did you just fell?" He placed his free hand on his jeans pocket, sounding amused.

"I did." She almost pouted. "But that doesn't answer my question, flyboy."

"Don't... Listen, it's my… our last night on Earth. So, I figured…" He raised a brow at her expression. "What?"

"Did you just used that line, 'last night on Earth'?" She half snorted, leaning against the doorframe.

"I guess I did." His hand rubbed behind his neck. "It's been almost a week since I last seen you, are you going to let me in?"

"I really just want to spend my last night on Earth alone. Have fun!" She started to close the door.

"C'mon, Alex…"

"Fine, fine… If I must." She chuckled, letting him inside. "Do you want something to drink? I don't have much…"

"Beer, if you have one." He looked in the direction of the kitchen. "What were you doing?"

"Watching a movie. Go ahead. It's on pause."

John took his leather jacket off, careful of his sling and sat on the couch.

"Is there a reason you're not gallivanting in some bar before we leave?" Alexandra asked as she sat down next to him, passing him a beer.

"Gallivanting?" He took the beer as she gave him a look of 'I know you.' "Right. I just thought we could hang out. Off base. Off Atlantis."

"Fine. If you want to pretend that my uncle didn't ask you to keep an eye on me, I'll play along." She sighed playfully which made him chuckle. "How is your shoulder?"

"Much better."

Her eyes observed him for a moment as he went quiet, looking nowhere in particular. "How are you? After the funeral we didn't talk... And I was busy..."

"Can we just hang out, Alex?" His hazel eyes found hers, almost pleading to change the subject.

Going quiet herself, Alexandra cuddled into the couch, placing her legs under her.

"We can just watch the movie." She agreed, pressing on play.

There was something in his request that made her pause. That morning, Agent Barret had closed the investigation of the shooting. There was no new leads, but they knew the Trust was behind it. And the feeling of dread had just been rising throughout the day, not to mention that in the past couple of nights, she had started to have dreams of John's lifeless body in her hands, rousing her in the middle of the night. Seeing him lay on the floor, shirt turning red, had scared her more than she was willing to admit.

"Can I just say how adorable you look in those pj's?" He said, his eyes going over the Star Wars themed fabric, interrupting her thoughts.

"Shut up, Sheppard." Her foot bumped on his leg which made him chuckle.

Ps: Thoughts?

One question: did anyone picked up on the bronze blouse? Mm... if you didn't, shame on you (just kidding!). But it's a synonym for hazel, which is our favorite pilot eye color. ;)