Chapter 43: Therapy
Santana's POV
*Wednesday 24th May 2023*
I've had quite a rough couple of weeks recently with the pregnancy and Ashley doing what she did two weeks ago so Brittany and I thought it might be an idea to have some therapy. I've never been to a therapist before and as much as I don't want to go and talk about my thoughts and feelings, I think I have to. I am getting really stressed at the moment and normally I could handle that because that's all part of running your own business, but it's not just about me anymore. I'm pregnant now so as of right now until the baby is born, I am solely responsible for making sure my baby is ok.
"Santana Pierce" I hear my name being called.
"That's me" I say as I stand up from my seat in the waiting area.
"Do you want to just come on through" the lady smiles at me.
"Yeah" I nod while following the lady to her room.
"Please have a seat" she smiles so I do that. "I'm Sophia, it's nice to meet you Santana" she adds.
"You too" I smile.
"So, what has brought you here today?" the lady asks me.
"I'm sure it's obvious but I am 7 months pregnant at the moment so that is the driving force" I say. "There are some other reasons though as to why I'm here and why I need your help" I add.
"Ok, let's start off easy and just tell me a little bit about yourself" the therapist replies.
"I'm 29 years old, although I do act 9 years old sometimes but anyway, I'm 29, I'm a fashion designer, I'm married, I have an 8-and-a-half-month-old baby and I'm pregnant" I explain.
"Do you work for a fashion company or do you have your own?" she asks me.
"I run my own company so I guess that's part of the stress I'm under at the moment as well" I explain.
"You say the pregnancy is the driving force behind being here so why do you feel like that?" Sophia asks me.
"I've always had a bit of stress in my life because running my own business is no picnic sometimes but I feel like my stress levels are a lot higher at the moment. Usually I can cope with some stress since I'm used to it but it's not just about me anymore. I'm growing a baby inside of me so I need to think about what this stress is doing to my unborn child" I explain.
"That's true so I am glad you wanted to do something about that" Sophia replies. "So, you say you feel you're more stressed at the moment than you've ever been, do you know why that might be?" she asks.
"I thought I did but maybe I don't because this stress may have begun a lot sooner than I thought it had" I say.
"Does this pregnancy feel different to your first pregnancy?" she asks me.
"The actual pregnancy itself is not any different but I think my life is a little different now. I mean with my first pregnancy I didn't know what to expect but with this pregnancy I know more about it. At the same time though, I didn't have to juggle a baby while pregnant during my first time whereas now I have an 8-month-old" I reply.
"Do you think that is a contributing factor to your stress at the moment?" Sophia asks.
"Maybe a little bit because babies need a lot of attention but I do think there is another reason as to why I am so stressed right now" I say with a sigh.
"What's that other reason?" she asks.
"My son's former nanny, Ashley, kissed my wife a couple of weeks ago and I can't stop thinking about it sometimes. I don't want the reminder but it happens because I used to see her every day so a lot of things in my life remind me of those times. She would often look after my son at home so I have these images in my head of arriving home and her being in my house. Obviously, that was normal when she worked for us but it's like sometimes I go home and I see something in my house that reminds me of Ashley which then reminds me of what she has done" I explain.
"It is only natural that that'll happen because like you say, you did see her in your house almost every day. At the same time though Santana, that is your house not Ashley's so you should be able to look around your house and remember things. I know this isn't the thing you want to remember but I am sure you have had some good times in your house with your son" she points out.
"Yeah, I have" I nod.
"Maybe you just need to make more memories in your home and soon enough the bad memories of Ashley being there will be overshadowed by those new memories" she points out.
"I suppose that is true" I shrug.
"I know this might upset you or annoy you but I have to ask, did your wife kiss the nanny back?" Sophia asks me.
"No, not at all" I shake my head. "One thing I know for certain is that Brittany did nothing wrong that day. We have both went through times of blaming ourselves for what happened but at the end of the day, I don't think it's our fault" I add.
"So, you don't have any worries about your relationship then that could be stressing you out?" she asks me.
"I don't think the stress is coming from my relationship but I do worry that I'm not helping my relationship at times when I'm stressed. I've taken a lot of my frustration out on Brittany emotionally so I wouldn't say my relationship is as good as it could be but it's definitely not the source of the stress though" I point out.
"Ok, fair enough" Sophia nods. "Do you feel like the intimate side of your relationship has changed recently due to all the stress?" she asks me.
"Yeah, I definitely think it has" I admit.
"How do you feel about that?" Sophia asks.
"I don't feel good that we aren't as close as we could be but at the same time, the last thing I want at the moment is sex" I admit.
"Ok" Sophia nods.
"I would love to get that part of my relationship back because I feel bad for Brittany when I'm not being as close to her but right now, I just don't want to have sex" I sigh.
"Is it just not something that's on your mind or is there a reason behind it" she asks.
"I think it's a mixture of many things. I have had a bit of back pain with the pregnancy so sometimes that's the reason but other times it's just because I don't like the way I look at the moment so I don't feel sexy enough to do anything with my wife" I explain. "I mean another woman kissing your wife does make you feel a bit unsexy" I add.
"I can understand that" Sophia nods.
"At the same times though, I just don't understand what's going on because I've always been a confident person" I sigh. "I don't normally care about what other people think of me so why am I letting this woman get in my head" I add.
"Well, that's what we're going to work through" Sophia smiles.
XXX
I've just arrived back home from my therapy session and I am so glad to be at home now. It's been quite a heavy day because I don't normally talk nearly as much as I did today about how I feel so I feel a bit mentally drained with everything. I'm also really glad to be home because I get to see Jaxon who I have missed so much. He makes me feel better about everything so as soon as I have him in my arms, I'm going to feel so much better.
"Hey" Brittany smiles as I walk into the living room.
"Hey" I reply as I sit down next to her. "Can I hold Jaxon?" I ask.
"Yeah of course" she replies as she places Jaxon in my arms.
"I have missed you so much today" I tell my son as I bounce him a little in my arms.
"Judging by the big smile on his face, I think he has missed you and is so glad to have you home" Brittany says.
"I am so glad to be home" I say.
"How did it go today?" Brittany asks me curiously.
"It was ok, I think" I shrug. "I'm still not totally happy about having to open up as much as I had to but I guess it's part of the process" I add.
"I think it's definitely going to help you overcome some stuff at the moment and maybe make you less stressed" she replies.
"I really hope so" I nod. "She wants me to go back next week for another session so I'll do that and see what happens. Anyway, enough about me because I really want to hang out with my baby boy now." I add.
"Ok" Brittany smiles.
"So, what have you two been up to today when I wasn't here?" I ask curiously.
"We went for a walk and then we came home and played with some toys. It wasn't the same without you being here though" she tells me.
"That's cute" I smile.
"So, now that everyone is home then why don't I make us all some dinner. I know Jaxon and I are really hungry and I guess you and the baby are too" she says as she gently places a hand on my stomach.
"Yeah, we are really hungry" I nod.
"Ok well you spend some time with Jaxon and I will start cooking dinner" she states.
"Ok but we'll come to the kitchen and spend time together so we can hang out with you too while you're cooking" I say.
"Sounds good" Brittany smiles.
We make our way through to the kitchen. I take a seat at the table with Jaxon and some of his toys and Brittany gets started on dinner. It really doesn't take long to cook so we're sitting down with our food in no time at all. Jaxon isn't quite eating the same food as Brittany and I since he's still really young but it is nice to all sit together and eat and spend time together.
"Hey, I'm sorry about the way I have been acting at times lately but you know I love you, right?" I say to Brittany.
"Of course, I do" Brittany smiles. "I know it's been a rough few months for you so don't worry about it. Nothing you do or say will push me away so if you're getting stressed then don't hold back. Take it out on me if you need to" she adds.
"That's the thing, I don't want to ever be horrible to you" I sigh.
"I know that which is why I know you're not doing it deliberately. Look, it really won't be long until this pregnancy is over so I can handle a couple of more months of this so don't worry about it" she smiles again.
"Ok" I nod.
"I love you too by the way" she tells me as she takes my hand across the table.
"I know" I smile.
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*Wednesday 31st May 2023*
Brittany and I are currently getting ready for the day. Her parents are going to take care of Jaxon for a while today so that Brittany and I can do what we need to do. Brittany is going to go to work soon and I'll be heading to work after I've been to another therapy session this morning. As much as I know I should go to see if it'll help me deal with things, I really don't want to. I would much rather go to work where I'm in control than go to some therapy session that makes me deal with things I don't really want to deal with.
"Do you have to go into work this morning?" I ask Brittany nervously.
"I guess I don't have to but I want to because I don't see the point in sitting at home alone by myself. I can keep myself occupied at work until you finish your appointment and come into work" she replies.
"But do you have anything urgent that needs done this morning at work?" I ask.
"No, I don't think so" Brittany replies, frowning in confusing. "Why are you asking me all these questions about work babe?"
"I thought that maybe if you had some spare time this morning then you might be able to come to my therapy session with me. I don't really want to go by myself today" I admit.
"Yeah, of course I will go with you today" Brittany smiles.
"Really?" I say surprised. I knew I wanted her to go but I really didn't know if she would want to.
"Yeah" she nods. "I want to do whatever I can to help you so if coming today helps you then I will. Plus, it might help me too, getting to talk to a professional about things" she adds.
"Ok" I smile.
As soon as we're finished getting ready and have eaten breakfast, we take Jaxon to his grandparents' house. We didn't stay too long there because the traffic was getting bad this morning so we wanted to make sure we got to my appointment on time. I am nervous enough about the appointment already that I didn't want to add on being late too to make me feel even worse. As soon as we arrived outside the building, we headed inside.
"You seem more nervous than last week" Brittany points out.
"I know" I sigh. "I just don't like going to therapy and talking about certain things so I'm worried I don't open up enough today that she'll make me have another appointment next week. I really want today to be my last one" I add.
"Whatever happens today, I am going to be right there with you so it's going to be ok" Brittany says as she reassuringly squeezes my hand.
"Ok" I nod.
"Santana, would you like to come through?" Sophia says as she appears in the waiting area.
"Yeah" I say as I stand up from my seat.
"We're just in the same room as last week" she smiles as we follow her to the appointment room.
"I hope you don't mind but I brought my wife with me today" I say as Brittany and I take a seat across from the therapist.
"No that's completely fine" Sophia smiles. "So, how are you feeling about your session last week. Do you think it's helped or is it too early to tell?" she asks me.
"I think it has helped a little bit but maybe Brittany being here today would help things a bit more" I reply.
"I think since you have your wife here then I'll just start off getting to know her a little bit and then we can talk about you both as a couple and then about you yourself Santana" Sophia says.
"Ok" I nod.
"So, Brittany, why don't you tell me a little bit about you. It can be anything at all that you want to tell me" Sophia says to Brittany.
"Ok well I'm 27 years old and I currently work in fashion. I started off my career in accounting but then I started working for Santana and my role transitioned into a more managerial role and then into designing my own clothing line" Brittany says. "I'm married to a wonderful woman obviously and I have a son and another baby on the way. So that's about it" she adds.
"Just out of interest, do you still consider yourself as working for Santana or would you say you work alongside her nowadays?" Sophia asks Brittany.
"No, I still work for Santana. I do a lot more now than I did in the beginning but at the end of the day, all of that money and effort that was put into the business was Santana. I just came along a few years later and developed a few things. It is still very much Santana's company" Brittany replies.
"Would you agree with that Santana?" Sophia asks me.
"Not exactly. I would say Brittany is my business partner because a lot of the success of the company is due to her and her clothing lines. At the same time though, I do see where she is coming from because I did build up the company from nothing on my own. Technically the company is owned by me but Brittany has contributed to the success of it though" I explain.
"The only reason I am asking is to get an idea of your working relationship. Would you say you treat Brittany your employee the same as you treat Brittany your wife or is the working and personal relationship separate?" Sophia asks.
"I would say there are some differences but not many" I state.
"Yeah, I mean I know when we're at work that it's Santana's way or it's no way but at home there is probably a more equal structure. Generally though it's the same because we're the same people. I love working with Santana and I love being married to her so we don't tend to have two relationships where we have a work one and a personal one" Brittany says.
"Yeah, I would say that's accurate. I mean maybe in the beginning we would separate things but we're closer than we've ever been recently so we don't need to separate them because we're the same person at work and at home" I say.
"Do you ever feel stressed at work because it is so personal to you because you are married to your boss?" Sophia asks Brittany.
"No, I would be more stressed if I didn't have Santana beside me at work. I like that we work together and share everything together between work and family" Brittany smiles at me.
"So, you would say your working relationship is still really good at the moment?" Sophia asks.
"Yeah, I would" I nod.
"Ok so how about your personal relationship with your wife, how is that?" the therapist asks me.
"It's good I think" I say while turning to look at Brittany. "It could be better I guess but that's all on me" I add.
"Why would you say it's all you?" Sophia asks.
"I'm the one that has been acting differently recently. I know I have been a little bit distant and stressed recently so I know our relationship could be better if I wasn't like that" I admit.
"How do you feel about your relationship Brittany?" the therapist asks my wife.
"It makes me sad sometimes to see her so stressed because I just want Santana to be happy" Brittany states.
"Ok fair enough but are you happy Brittany?" the therapist asks.
"Um…it's hard to answer that question right now. On the whole I am super happy because I have a great son, a great wife and another baby on the way as well as a great career so I really can't complain much. The only thing I will say is that I'm worried about my wife a lot at the moment so I can't be fully happy because I know she's not" she admits.
"If we take Santana's worries out of the equation then are you happy?" the therapist asks Brittany.
"When I'm not worried about Santana then yeah, I'm really happy. I just wouldn't want my life any other way than it is. Like I say, my wife and children are what make me happy so I'm super happy when I'm with them" Brittany says, smiling at me.
"Santana said you two haven't been as intimate with each other recently, do you feel like that too?" the therapist asks Brittany.
"I mean we have come close to having sex a few times but to be real about it, we haven't properly had sex in 95 days" Brittany replies.
"Wait…you counted the days?" I say annoyed. I didn't realise we were on a time frame for those sorts of things. I just thought we would have sex when we wanted to.
"I mean, yeah I kinda did" Brittany shrugs.
"So do you think about sex much at all?" the therapist asks Brittany.
"Clearly she does since she can tell us it's been 95 days. She must have been keeping a tally since the last day I had actual sex with her" I state.
"It wasn't like that babe" Brittany sighs.
"Let's just take a step back for a second and we can come back to the number of days. Brittany, what are your thoughts on sex at the moment?" the therapist asks.
"I'm ok that we're not having sex at the moment because I know Santana doesn't want to. I can't lie right now though and say I don't think about getting intimate with my wife every now and again because that would mean I'm not physically attracted to her. I'm still very much in love with Santana and I'm very much attracted to her so yeah, I think about it" she replies.
"Ok so the number of days, you say it's been 95 days since the two of you have last had sex" Sophia says.
"Yeah, the last time we had sex was the 25th of February this year which was 95 days ago" Brittany says.
"What made you count up the days?" Sophia asks Brittany.
"It's not like I had a calendar and checked off each day that it didn't happen. I just know the day it was that we last actually had sex. I was teasing Santana about having a sex dream the night before so we were in a good place. We ended up having sex that night and I just remember that night being a sort of turning point for us because the next day everything changed. Santana woke up the next day with a sore back so she stayed at home to rest while I took Jaxon to the park. It was then that the pregnancy symptoms and stresses really kicked in" Brittany explains.
"Ok well I know the day that you're talking about but how do you remember what the date actually was, that's the weird part. I get that remembering a sort of turning point in the pregnancy would be memorable but how do you know that happened on the 24th of February and not some different random Saturday?" I ask.
"25th of February" Brittany corrects me.
"Ok, whatever" I say while rolling my eyes. "What makes you so sure that day was the 25th of February if you weren't actually counting down the number of days?" I ask.
"Just because of a work thing. It was the last weekend of the month and some of our staff always get paid in the last weekend of the month so I was checking the payroll was correct for someone. I remember that's what I was working on that day before I saw Santana for the first time that morning and then we had the sexy dream talk" Brittany states.
"You must have actually counted up the days though, that's what I'm saying. That's the weird thing for me" I say with a sigh.
"Ok, I do admit that after a while I did start to count how many days it was because I was curious how long it had been" she sighs. "I didn't do it to hurt you though, I was genuinely just curious because I thought we might talk about our private life today" she adds.
"I feel like you have me on a timer now and if I don't have sex with you by day 100, you'll find it elsewhere or something" I state.
"I would never do that Santana, you know that" she assures me.
"What annoys you the most Santana about Brittany counting how many days it's been?" Sophia asks me.
"I don't know, it's hard to explain. I just don't like the fact she has been counting how many days because it makes me feel bad. I knew myself we hadn't had sex that much recently but for Brittany to know exactly how long it's been makes me feel worse because I know it's my fault" I sigh.
"I didn't do it to hurt you Santana, honestly" Brittany sighs. "I was just genuinely curious how long it was but it doesn't mean it is a bad thing. I'm ok not having sex right now because I know it's not something you want. I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex when I know you don't want to so no matter how many days it's been, it won't make a difference" she adds.
"Santana and I have spoken briefly about why she doesn't want to have sex at the moment but do you know why Brittany? Have you two talked about it?" Sophia asks my wife.
"We've never actually discussed it. We both know we don't expect to have sex at night or whatever anymore but neither of us have really asked the other our thoughts on it until today. I guess I do want to know how Santana feels but at the same time, I think there must be a reason behind it so I know that she doesn't want to talk about it otherwise we would have mentioned it before. Personally, I don't have any reasons to not have sex other than knowing Santana doesn't want to so that's why I don't try anymore. Like I say though, I'm not sure why Santana doesn't want to have sex" Brittany explains.
"Do you wonder if it's something to do with you, Brittany?" Sophia asks my wife.
"Sometimes I do think I might be the reason she doesn't want to have sex but more often than not I know it's not me. As much as that sounded arrogant, I didn't mean it like that. What I mean is that I know Santana would tell me if she didn't feel the same about me anymore because she wouldn't want to hurt me by stringing things out" Brittany replies.
"No, this is not you Brittany" I shake my head. "I still love you so much so it's not a you thing, it's a me thing" I assure her as I take her hand in mine.
"Ok" Brittany nods.
"I just don't feel like my old self a lot of the time at the moment and that coupled with all these crazy pregnancy symptoms and hormones makes me not want to have sex. I don't feel sexy most of the time so the last thing I want to do is have sex, do you know what I mean?" I say.
"I understand what you're saying but I don't understand why" Brittany says softly. "You're still an insanely hot woman who is also extremely sexy. I can't see why you don't think that you are because you are" she smiles.
"I guess Ashley kissing you made me feel ugly" I sigh.
"Do you think you would have felt better if Ashley had kissed you and not Brittany?" Sophia asks.
"No of course not" I frown. Why would I think that was any better?
"I know it sounds crazy to ask you this but I wonder if maybe Ashley not being attracted to you would make you feel a bit down about how you look. She was working with two attractive women but she chose Brittany so I wonder if maybe you feel bad about yourself that she didn't choose you" Sophia says.
"Excuse me, are you saying Brittany is ugly? Are you trying to suggest that I am jealous of my wife and that I think I'm better looking than her so why didn't Ashley pick me?" I ask outraged. "For a therapist that is a really weird view on things" I say while shaking my head.
"This wasn't a reflection on Brittany's appearance at all. This was about you. I was just wondering if maybe you felt bad about yourself because Ashley wasn't attracted to you" Sophia says.
"Am I actually hearing you correctly right now? Do you honestly think I would want anyone to find me attractive that wasn't Brittany? Have I really come across in these sessions in a way where I need people to think I'm hot? Do you think I really care about how hot I was to Ashley?" I ask in disbelief. I don't know if I have gotten the wrong end of the stick or not but this doesn't seem like a correct explanation of how I feel.
"I was just pointing out that…"
"I think we're done here, come on Brittany let's go" I say interrupting Sophia. "We're leaving now" I say as I pull Brittany up from the couch and lead her towards the door.
"Santana, we're still in the middle of our session" Sophia says.
"No, we're done now" I state.
"We haven't gotten to the root of the problem yet" Sophia explains.
"Look I am sure you're a great therapist and everything but if Santana says we're done then we're done" Brittany shrugs and then we both leave.
"I don't know if it's just the person I am or not but I was majorly offended by Sophia at the end. Did she honestly think I would be jealous of you or something?" I state as we leave the building.
"She probably didn't mean it in the way you thought she did but it was a weird thing to ask anyway" Brittany shrugs.
"The only person I care about finding me attractive is you and as far as I'm aware your feelings on that matter haven't changed" I say.
"No, they really haven't" she smiles.
"I am sorry I made us leave though because I know it wasn't a productive thing to do, I just had enough of the whole thing" I say.
"Santana, it's ok" Brittany smiles.
"I don't really want to go back" I admit.
"Ok we won't go back then" she shrugs.
"Really?" I say surprised. "I thought you would want me to go back since we haven't really accomplished anything during therapy yet" I add.
"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. Also, who says we haven't accomplished anything yet" Brittany replies.
"Ok" I smile.
"Anyway, let's head to work now" Brittany says as we get into our car.
"Before we do drive off, let me just say something" I say while taking her hand in mine.
"Ok" she nods.
"I want you to know I'm really sorry that we haven't had sex in so long" I say.
"Santana, that is not something you need to worry about right now. I know this whole thing with Ashley has affected you a lot but I promise you, you don't need to worry about it" she tells me.
"I just feel like I'm not being fair to you when I'm saying no whenever you want to have sex. Married couples are supposed to have sex and I'm not allowing us too so I feel bad for you" I explain.
"Honey, I don't care about that. All I really care about is you so right now, I want to do whatever you need me to do" she smiles.
"So, you don't miss having sex then?" I ask.
"I could take it or leave it to be honest" she shrugs.
"I know you're lying right now but I love you for that" I say as I lean in to hug my wife.
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*Sunday 4th June 2023*
Brittany and I have the day off work today but we're not exactly spending it how we would like to. We wanted nothing more to just spend it with Jaxon doing fun things but we have some grown up things we need to do. We're currently in the grocery store getting some necessities but I'm less than happy about it. I know Brittany knows I'm unhappy about being here but that doesn't seem to bother her.
"I don't know why you made me come with you and Jaxon" I sigh.
"Because I thought a walk and breath of fresh air would do you good. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not good for you or the new baby to be stuck inside all week. You go from home to the office and back home again. You don't get much time to get out and get some air" Brittany points out.
"That's fair enough but why the grocery store. Why couldn't you take me out to lunch or to the park?" I ask.
"We can still do those things babe, we just need to get some groceries anyway" she shrugs.
"Ok" I nod.
"We'll try and not be too long in here" she says.
"Hey, is that your ex Megan over there?" I ask Brittany. The woman does look at lot like her.
"Where?" Brittany asks as she looks around confused.
"Over there by the tomatoes" I reply.
"Oh yeah, I think it is" she nods. "Should I go over there?" she asks.
"I don't know Brittany" I laugh. "She is your ex so I would say you don't have to but if you want too then fine. Just remember who I am though" I add.
"I could never forget you, trust me" Brittany smirks.
"Ok, I'm glad to hear it" I nod.
"Shit, she has seen me now actually. I don't know what to do, whether to go over there or not because it would look weird if I didn't now that we've saw one another" she says.
"Ok, whatever. I'm just going to have a look around the store and see if I have an ex to catch up with" I state.
"Very funny, now come on" Brittany says as she pulls me back to her. "Oh crap, she is actually walking over to us now" she says nervously.
"Hey Brittany" Megan says as she reaches us.
"Hey, how are you?" Brittany asks.
"I'm good, you?" Megan replies.
"Yeah, really good" Brittany nods. I have one word for this interaction right now and that word is awkward.
"You have kids now, I see" Megan states.
"I do" Brittany nods. "Jaxon is 8 months old and Santana is due to give birth in the next month or two to our second child" she tells her.
"Congratulations" Megan says smiling slightly.
"Thanks" I reply.
"You always wanted kids Brittany so I'm glad your dreams are coming true" Megan says.
"You shouldn't still be hung up on me Megan, it's not good for you. You have to move on because I have and there is no coming back for us" Brittany states.
"Don't flatter yourself Brittany, I'm totally over you" Megan tells her. "I only came over to talk to you because I thought it would be rude to just see you and turn away, ignoring you. I didn't want you to think you still had a hold over me and made me feel a certain way when you don't."
"Oh" Brittany says feeling embarrassed.
"I've moved on already and I have a new partner now. In fact, we're actually engaged" Megan says as she holds up her left hand to reveal an engagement ring with a very large diamond.
"Wow, that is some ring Megan" Brittany points out. "What does your fiancée do to afford that?" she asks nosily.
"It's none of your business really but since you asked, it's modelling" Megan tells her.
"You're marrying a model, cool" Brittany smiles.
"Yeah, we're getting married in a couple of months. I thought love was what you and I had but it turned out I didn't know anything until I met Julian. He showed me what true love really was" Megan replies.
"Hold on, are you taking a dig at my wife?" I ask.
"Oh no I didn't mean you didn't love me enough Brittany. I just meant in general I thought what we had was love but it couldn't have been because I feel differently towards Julian" Megan shrugs.
"It's ok anyway because I'm happier now with Santana so it's good we have both moved on" Brittany says.
"Speaking of moving on, could we move along please because Jaxon nor I wish to be in the supermarket all morning" I state.
"Yeah, I'm sorry" Brittany smiles at me. "Congrats on the engagement and everything. Take care, Megan" she adds.
"Thank you" Megan nods. I then pull Brittany with me and the shopping cart so we're away from Megan.
"That was a little awkward at points so I think from now on whenever we see an ex, we'll just walk on by like it never happened" Brittany says.
"I agree" I nod.
"Hey, Megan might be marrying a model in a few months but I already did it first" Brittany tells me as she winks at me.
"Oh really" I smirk.
"Yeah totally, you could be a model babe" she smiles.
"Thanks honey" I say as I put my arm around her.
"Speaking of modelling, the maternity clothing line we're doing is coming on really well so I think we're ready to do some shoots with some of the new designs. Are you going to do some photoshoots or are we hiring other models?" Brittany asks me.
"I don't know, what do you think, I mean are we better leaving it to the professionals?" I ask Brittany.
"You already know what I think babe" Brittany smiles. "You're a model in my eyes and there is no one who can command a photoshoot better than you. If you don't want to do it though, that's ok."
"I think I will do it" I smile back.
"That's good" she smiles again. "So, we are about done in here and I was serious about the lunch offer so do you want to go somewhere fancy for lunch?" Brittany asks me.
"I do want to go to a restaurant but it doesn't have to be a fancy one. Just a nice family friendly restaurant with good food" I shrug.
"Ok" Brittany nods.
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*Tuesday 6th June 2023*
I've been awake for some time this morning because of the pregnancy. It's my day off from work and I just wanted to sleep longer but I couldn't because the baby kept on kicking which kept me awake. I do like that it was kicking but I was also a bit tired so I wasn't thrilled to be woken up. I'm just in the kitchen just now, deciding on what I could make for breakfast. Jaxon is in the other room asleep at the moment because he luckily fell back asleep after I got him up this morning as opposed to me who is wide awake.
"Hi" Brittany smiles as she walks into the kitchen.
"Hey" I smile back.
"You weren't in bed when I woke this morning, what happened?" she asks me.
"I just couldn't sleep any longer this morning. The baby was kicking a lot today" I tell my wife.
"Can I feel" Brittany asks excitedly. She's felt the baby kick before but I think she just loves the feeling; it never gets old.
"Yeah of course you can, you don't need to ask" I smile as I take her hand and gently place it on my baby bump. "The baby isn't really kicking that much right now though" I point out.
"When it starts again then you let me know, ok" she says and I nod. "Speaking of babies, where is our other one?" she asks.
"He's in the living room sleeping so I'm just hanging out in here so I don't wake him up" I reply.
"Ok" Brittany nods.
"While we're waiting on Jaxon wakening up again, how about I make you and I some breakfast" I suggest.
"Breakfast does sound good but how about I make it instead of you?" she replies. "I want you to take these last couple of months of pregnancy easy."
"Ok" I smile.
"So, what shall we have, some fruit maybe?" Brittany asks me.
"No that's too healthy. The baby and I don't want to be so healthy right now, we want something nicer" I state.
Once Brittany and I finished breakfast together, we cleared up and then went to check on Jaxon. He woke up not long after we entered the living room so Brittany fed him and then the 3 of us spent some time together. Jaxon is now lying on the floor playing with some toys while Brittany and I are sat on the couch together. Brittany insisted on giving me a shoulder massage to help keep me relaxed so we've just finished doing that.
"Hey handsome" Brittany says as she picks Jaxon up. "How about we try a little more of that walking you have been trying to do?" she says as she places his little feet on the ground.
"Do you think you can walk over to me with mommy?" I ask our son.
"I think we could do that Jax" Brittany says as she holds onto his hands to keep him upright. "Shall we start walking buddy" she says as she tries to encourage him to walk.
"You can talk now buddy so surely you can start walking now too" I say.
"Just a little step buddy, shall we try that" Brittany says as she moves forward a tiny bit. Jaxon then moves his foot forward and then the other one.
"That's it sweetheart, well done" I smile brightly at Jaxon. "Mommy and I are so proud of you right now" I say.
"You are such a little genius walking already" Brittany says as she helps him take a few steps.
"He is so cute right now" I say smiling at him.
"Do you think you could walk a little bit on your own now?" she says as she bends down to Jaxon. "I'm going to let go of your hand but I'll still be here. We're going to walk over to mommy, ok?" Brittany says as she slowly lets go of his hand. Jaxon gingerly takes a step on his own before another one and then eventually starts walking.
"You're such a clever boy Jaxon" I tell him.
"You really are honey" Brittany says as she smiles at Jaxon.
"Just a few more steps to me" I say as I hold my arms out. Jaxon just looks at me before giggling and begins to walk faster towards me. "That's it" I say as I engulf my son in a huge hug.
"You did so well Jax" Brittany says as she wraps her arms around the two of us. "And it won't be long until you start walking and talking as well" she says as she gently caresses my stomach.
XXX
Brittany and I are just hanging out together alone. Jaxon is in bed now asleep so Brittany and I get to spend a little time together as a couple. We haven't spent as much time together recently because of everything so it's nice tonight to be able to sit down on the sofa together and just relax in each other's arms. We are watching a TV show right now but I'm not really paying attention to it. I'm more focusing on being with my wife.
"I've really enjoyed today, just getting to hang out with you and Jaxon" I say to Brittany as I turn my head to look at her.
"Yeah, it has been a really nice day today" she smiles. "Things haven't been the easiest lately but I do really think we're turning a corner and coming out the other side now" she adds.
"I definitely agree because I feel like I can be me again and not have to force anything like I did when I pretended everything was ok when it wasn't" I say.
"I know we don't like mentioning her name but I've got to say, that whole Ashley business is definitely not a factor for me anymore" Brittany says.
"Yeah, I mean I'm still not happy about it but I'm definitely not thinking about it too much anymore" I say.
"You know I love you no matter what but I need to say this, I really like the fun Santana that's came back. I've missed it and I like it when you're happy" she smiles.
"I always thought work was the stress factor but I don't think it was. I think it was always Ashley but I just didn't realise. We always would be at work when Ashley was there so I would mistake work for Ashley. I think I didn't like someone looking after my son but I just didn't realise that was what was stressing me out" I point out.
"It's all in the past anyway so we can just look forward to the future" Brittany smiles.
"Yeah, I'm hoping from now on things are going to change" I smile back.
"Me too" she agrees.
"Hey, come closer" I tell Brittany as I pull her towards me. I wrap my arms around her and she shuffles down a little so she can rest her head on my shoulder.
"Is this not too much weight rested against you?" she asks me.
"No, it's fine" I shrug as I kiss the top of her head.
"I just don't want to put any unnecessary pressure on you or the baby" Brittany says.
"I know but you don't always need to think about everyone else. Do what you want to do so if this is comfortable for you then I'm comfortable" I reply with a smile.
"Ok" she nods.
"So, what do you think of this series we're watching on TV?" I ask my wife.
"It's a little bit boring actually" Brittany admits with a laugh.
"Yeah, I haven't really been paying much attention to it at all. I was just enjoying the little bit of alone time we were getting together" I tell her.
"Maybe we should just switch it off since we're not really watching it then" she says.
"Yeah, we should" I reply as I grab the TV remote and turn the TV show off. "Hey, do you want to go upstairs?" I suggest.
"Sure" Brittany nods as she lifts her head from my shoulder. "I am getting a little tired so we might as well head to bed early tonight and get a good night's sleep" she shrugs.
"Oh, I didn't mean to sleep babe" I smirk.
"Wait…you mean…like…you know" she says nervously.
"I want to be with you tonight, like properly" I say honestly.
"I want that too" Brittany says with a smile as she takes my hand in hers.
"Let's go upstairs then" I smile while leading her towards the door. I switch the light off and then walk towards the stairs with Brittany's hand in mine.
"Do you know what I'm doing right now?" Brittany asks me as we make our way up the stairs.
"Checking my butt out by any chance since you're walking behind me" I answer.
"Yeah" Brittany laughs.
"You do it every time so I knew that's what you would be doing" I laugh. "Honestly, I kinda like that you do that though" I admit.
As soon as we reach the bedroom, we begin to undress and toss our clothes to the floor. I then lift up the bed sheets and we slip underneath them. Brittany immediately wraps her arms around me and leans in to kiss me. I begin kissing her back as my hands start roaming around her body.
"We don't have to do this tonight, you know" Brittany assures me as she pulls away from my lips.
"I know we don't have to which is why I wouldn't do this if I didn't want to. Things have changed recently and you've made me see that I'm still me deep down so I want to have sex with you. I don't feel as insecure anymore because I know you love me as I am" I smile.
"I do, I love you more than I have loved anyone before" she smiles.
"Me too" I tell her.
"I am insecure as well sometimes though. I mean you could literally have anyone you wanted to have but yet you chose me. I still struggle with that sometimes because I'm not like you. I'm not as smart, I'm not as funny, I'm not as sexy or any of those things that you are so why you love me puzzles me sometimes" she admits.
"Brittany you're awesome and you're a genius so don't think like that" I reassure her.
"No, really I am punching above my weight" she states.
"How about we just agree to disagree and move on" I smile.
"Ok" Brittany smiles back before leaning down to kiss me.
"Hey, can you be gentle with me tonight because it's been a while and I'm really pregnant now" I say, pulling away for a second.
"Of course, I will" she tells me.
"Thank you" I smile.
Brittany leans back down to me and kisses me on the lips. I kiss her back and we begin making out. After a few minutes, Brittany begins kissing down my neck and across my shoulders. I get more and more turned on as she does it. She then makes her way down my body, leaving a trail of kisses as she goes. The minute she reaches my core, my breath hitches. She doesn't go any further though, she avoids my most sensitive area and kisses the inside of my thighs.
"Babe, please" I moan.
"I'm just working you up and making sure you're going to be ready for me" she smiles.
"Trust me, I'm ready. Can't you see how wet I am already" I tell her.
"I'm actually getting really turned on myself" Brittany states.
"Exactly so let's do this babe" I smile. "I mean I know I said be gentle but I didn't say hang around though" I add.
"Ok" Brittany laughs.
She leans back down and kisses my inner thighs again before hooking her arms under my legs. She then grips onto my legs and puts them over her shoulder so she can get closer to me. She leaves a few kisses on me before pushing her tongue into my core. The sensation as soon as she does that, has me gripping onto the sheets tightly. When her tongue connects with my clit, I almost lose it. It's been way too long since we last had sex.
"Oh god, Brittany" I moan as I tangle my hands in her hair.
"I've missed this" she smiles before leaning back down to continue.
"You have to get inside me" I state.
"I am babe" she smiles at me as she pauses what she is doing again and looks up at me once more.
"No, I don't mean your tongue, I want to kiss you at the same time so you need to come up here and get inside me at the same time" I tell her.
"Ok" she says as she changes her position.
"Kiss me, now" I instruct.
"I will, honey" she smiles as she slowly pushes into me and leans down to kiss me. She builds up a nice rhythm between us as she continues to push in and out of me.
"I really hope you're almost there because I don't know how much longer I can hold this" Brittany admits.
"Don't come yet, just keep moving" I say.
"Are you not close yet?" she asks me.
"Almost, just another few thrusts babe and we can come together" I reply as I hold onto her hips tightly, helping her move.
It takes Brittany everything she has in her not to come too early. The minute I feel I'm about to tip over the edge, I let Brittany know and we come together. She then flops down on the bed next to me and wraps her arms around me. We don't really say anything for a minute or so as it takes us both a little bit of time to get our breath back. I turn my head to the side to look at Brittany and she too turns her head to the side and smiles at me.
"It's been a long time so, how was I?" I ask jokingly.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're the best I've ever had and I'm not lying" Brittany smiles.
"Thanks" I smile back. "You were kind of amazing yourself" I add.
"I am so glad we did this tonight" I say honestly.
"Me too" Brittany smiles as she kisses my cheek.
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*Wednesday 7th June 2023*
I'm currently just making my way into work. I'm on my own right now because Brittany isn't coming into work until a little later. She's still at home getting Jaxon ready for the day and then she'll take him to her sister's place for the day. He's going to be spending some time with his aunt so that Brittany and I can get a little work done. I'm just making my way towards my office when I pass Jack in the hallway.
"Morning Jack" I say happily.
"Uh…morning, Ms Lopez" Jack replies confused.
"How are you?" I ask my employee.
"How am I?" he asks shocked and I nod. "I'm fine" he adds.
"That's good and how are you and Jade, are you doing ok?" I ask.
"Yeah, we are. We're great" Jack replies. "Um…I hope you don't mind me asking but are you ok Ms Lopez it's just you never say good morning to me or ask me how I'm doing."
"I'm very ok this morning. In fact, I am more than ok and do you know why?" I smile.
"I'm not sure" he says shaking his head at me.
"I finally had sex with my wife last night after like 5 months or something" I reply.
"Wow…ok…um what a personal thing to say" Jack says flustered as he begins staring at the floor. "I'm not sure how to reply to this" he adds.
"Have I made you feel uncomfortable now?" I ask amused.
"A little bit" Jack says nervously.
"I'm sorry about that but I'm just so happy right now, honestly I'm floating on cloud 10" I state.
"9" he replies.
"I'm sorry?" I say confused.
"It's cloud 9 not 10. The expression is that you're floating on cloud 9" he explains.
"9, 10, whatever. I still had one of the best nights of my life last night" I tell him. "Anyway, I need to get to my office now but I'll see you soon for the managers meeting" I say before dashing off to my office.
I'm only working in my office for about 20 minutes when I hear Brittany's voice somewhere else in the building. It seems like she is talking to someone at length about something so I continue working since I don't expect her to appear in the office any time soon. The minute I hear her heels clicking along the corridor, getting closer to me, I get excited. I know I only saw her this morning but we're getting back to a good place again so all I want to do is be around her.
"Hey you" I smile as Brittany walks inside.
"Hi" she replies happily.
"I just need to finish a couple of things and then we can go to the meeting" I tell her.
"That's cool" Brittany smiles again.
Brittany sits down at her desk and looks through some emails on her computer while I finish what I was doing. As soon as I am done, I walk towards Brittany and swing her around in her chair so I can take a seat on her lap. I don't say anything to her, I just lean in and kiss her. As she is about to pull away, I pull her head even closer and kiss her again but more passionately this time.
"What was that for?" she asks with a smile as I pull away from her lips.
"I just really wanted to kiss you today" I shrug.
"Well, I really liked it" Brittany smiles again. "Anyway, we should go to this meeting now" she adds.
"Yeah, we should so come on, let's go" I say as I stand up and take Brittany's hand in mine.
"Oh, taking hands at work, I must have been a good girl to be rewarded with a little PDA" she teases.
"I'm just in a good mood today" I shrug. "I would take it while you can because I might not be in such a good mood tomorrow at work" I add.
"Ok" Brittany laughs. "Anyway, here we are so let's get started" she says as we enter the conference room.
"Yeah let's because the sooner we start the sooner we finish" I say as we walk towards the front of the room.
"Good morning, everyone" Brittany says to the room full of people. "Thank you all for coming to this last-minute meeting. I really should have arranged this meeting before now but never mind, here we are. I know everyone is busy so I'm just going to get started straight away. The reason we wanted you all here to talk to you is just about the next few months. We just wanted to let you know how things will proceed in the next coming months" she states.
"Exactly so let me just start off by saying something very quickly. As you all can see, I'm really quite pregnant at the moment so it means I'm not far off my due date. I'll be about to give birth in about a month and a half so I just wanted to point out that you all might not see me too much from now on. I'm going to work up until as close as I can to my due date but I won't be around nearly as much as I am when I'm not pregnant" I tell everyone.
"Eventually Santana and I will both be taking maternity leave so Jack and Jade will be in charge from then on until our return. As before we don't know how long we'll be taking off but we will keep you all updated so don't worry, you will all know what is happening in due course" Brittany says.
"Yeah, we'll keep you all posted" I nod.
"Ok so something else I want to talk to you about is the new maternity line Santana and I are doing. We're getting underway with that at the moment and we'll be doing the photoshoots to promote it in the next few days so we're expecting a surge in sales in the coming weeks" Brittany says. "I've got our social media team doing some promotions on it already and I'll be speaking to the production team separately later today to discuss that. Also, I want to talk to our shipping department because all going well, we'll see a high demand for the products so we're going to have to increase our deliveries" she adds.
"Jack has some overtime shifts available if anyone wants some extra work over the next few weeks to help us out to get this new clothing line off the ground" I say.
"Yeah, Jack is handling the shifts for the next few weeks so speak to him if you want to earn some more money. Ideally, we want this new line out there and well underway before Santana and I take some leave so we're looking for as many people as possible to help us meet our targets. In the last week before we take time off, we primarily just want to be wrapping things up rather than starting something new so let's all try and continue to get this clothing line underway" Brittany states as she looks over at me to add my input.
"Yeah, what Brittany said" I shrug.
"There are a few other things I want to discuss with you all but firstly, let me just mention a few things about our sales over the last month or so" Brittany says and then goes into detail about them before moving on.
"Ok, that's the meeting over so back to work everyone" I say.
"Yeah, thanks for coming guys. I'll come and speak to the departments that I mentioned about before, later today" Brittany says.
"Our office, right now" I state before leaving.
As soon as I reach my office, I walk inside and close all of the blinds. I then unbutton my shirt and throw it to the floor before kicking off my heels. I then slip out of my skirt and discard it with my other items of clothing. I'm now just left in my underwear, sitting on the couch, waiting on Brittany finally arriving. As soon as she walks in the door, I stand up.
"Close the door and lock it" I say as I make my way towards her.
"What's going on?" she asks as I push her against the back of the door.
"You were so sexy taking control of the meeting today" I say as I quickly unzip Brittany's pants. "Like so sexy" I add as I kiss her.
"I love this new old Santana" Brittany smirks at me as her hands land on my waist.
"Excuse me, I'm not old" I point out with a smirk.
"You know what I mean" she smiles. "I like this new Santana who has came back and is like how she used to be. You can't keep your hands off me today and I love that. You used to be like that all the time" she adds.
"I know and I am sorry I was a little distant lately. You've brought me back though and I like that" I smile. "To be honest, you can't actually keep your hands off me either today" I smirk.
"Yeah, I was rather handsy this morning when we woke up and when we were getting ready for work" she laughs.
"You were but let's not talk anymore, we have more important things to deal with" I say as I lean into her to kiss her.
Sorry for the delay, I've finally updated something though so let me know what you think.