Hello, Stargate Lovers!

Hope your week was pretty good!

And I hope you enjoy this chapter.

This episode, "The Shrine", is a sad one, that made me think on opportunities and friends lost, either because life happens, or because there is a disease that takes them away.

Also, I really like this episode because it shows how great David Hewlett is as an actor and how his character is beloved by his friends. The scenes that he has with Sheppard are some of my favourites in the whole show and, of course, Joe Flanigan kills it too, letting Sheppard show how much he cares about Rodney and how afraid he is of losing his friends.

Heads up! There's time jumps ahead!

Chapter 39: Chapter 5x06

John escorted Rodney back to his quarters after their little night walk after the scientist woke him up, scared and disoriented on waking up alone.

It was difficult seeing him like that. He was so used to the stuck up, know-it-all Rodney McKay that he never thought he could have another side. Of course John knew he could be kind and funny, but seeing that fragility was something completely unexpected.

As he lay down back on his bed, after making sure Rodney was deep asleep this time, his eyes found the ceiling.

He wasn't much of the reflecting type, but everything that was happening was making him think about things.

He enjoyed his life. He had the command he wanted, even though he never actually thought about it, he had the trust of everyone in that base, and even offworld, also he could golf whenever he wanted, surf not so much, but that was okay.

Women, now that was a whole different subject. Up until a few months ago it was easy. A little flirt, a little conversation, perhaps a dinner... or not, but then, at the end, both him and his company got what they wanted.

Now? Well, now, besides that damn kiss, he had the feeling of having her in his arms, in his bed, and he couldn't get her out of his mind.

And the way she had appeared in his quarters, loose hair, loose shirt, leggings... why was that so appealing? Maybe it was because she was always in her uniform, hair always in a ponytail... except when she trained, which nowadays had become rare moments to witness.

He had to admit though, since that night, it seemed that they were back to normal, like nothing had happened - not the kiss, or kisses, not the sleeping together, not Kal - and he should leave it like that. However it was frustating, seeing her and not being able to touch her like he wanted to. And it looked like that the universe was against him, since they were rarely alone. Whenever he went to her lab, she was accompanyed by someone, either another scientist, or Lorne, or Teyla, or even Ronon. The Satedan seemed to live in there nowadays, after what happened with the Ancient.

With a sigh, John slid to his side and his face landed on the pillow she had used the other night.

Damn it!

It had been a week and it still had her shampoo scent. How was that possible? Maybe it was his mind playing tricks, after all he had memorized that parfum.

And, now, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep.

His hazel eyes found her in the mess hall, alone, sitting by a table, picking at her food, looking out to the dark balcony. Even after they had talked and everything had gone back to normal, she kept doing it. And she always looked so... alone.

"You're thinking too loud, doc." John sat in front of her.

"Geez, Sheppard…" She got startled by his sudden appearance. He merely gave her a smirk which made her roll her eyes. "How's Rodney?"

"Right now, sleeping. He woke me up a couple of hours ago, thinking that I had left him." John sighed. "He wanted to say goodbye before he would forget about me." His face had turned somber as he spoke.

"I'm sure Jennifer will find something to help him, John." There was a crease between her brows as she leaned forward and placed her hand on his wrist.

"Hm..." The pilot merely hummed, his eyes going from her hand to her tray of tea and toast and then her eyes. "Can't sleep either?"

"No. This whole thing with him is not helping. Never seen anything like that. And SG-1 had pretty strange missions." She joked.

"Yeah." He smiled, already missing her touch as she leaned back, taking her hand off him. "You know, I miss having you on missions."

"I haven't been cleared yet, you know that."

"I do."

Hazel and brown met. Being as sensitive as she was, Alexandra felt a change in the atmosphere around them.

Immediately, she sat up straighter.

"Is there anything you needed? By the hour, I guess you won't be going back to sleep."

"Are you free later?"

"No. I have some research to do for Evan's team. They found a pillar similar to the ones in the Milky Way where Ancient knowledge is storaged."

"I can help with that. It will distract me from..." He hinted at Rodney.

"Help distract me with your babbling, it's more like." She tried to lighten the mood, knowing he needed that and, in a way, she knew he was just being friendly.

"I don't babble." John sounded offended.

"Yes, you do. Especially, when you're bored."

John frowned and then chuckled when he saw her playful smirk.

"You always get me."

"You're too easy, flyboy." Alexandra shrugged, putting some food in her mouth. "But you do fidget."

"Pffft!"

It was good, that normalcy, she thought as she heard him chuckle and continue their conversation.

Especially after that night.

A night that kept replaying in her head as she often felt his arms around her. Or maybe it was the following morning, as the image of him, hair wet and shirtless, pants riding low... and the thought that went through her, of just letting go and kiss him, didn't help. Of course, she had stomp on it in the same moment it appeared. But now, that feeling, that urge was keeping her awake in the middle of night, making her eat some of her comfort food to help ease the... yearning she had everytime she saw him now. It was good to have someone around her nowadays, after what Kal did, or else, whenever he appeared, her resolve would quickly crumble, since it was becoming increasingly difficult to be around him and not do anything about it.

"Col. Sheppard. Dr. O'Neill."

There was a frustrated sigh coming from the pilot as their bubble burst upon Woolsey's interruption. He was enjoying their moment alone, just talking, even if he had noticed she had a little tinge of red in her cheeks for the past couple of minutes, which was enticing enough for him to wonder what was she thinking.

"Upon further review, and given the progression of Dr. McKay's illness, I decided to bring his sister to Atlantis."

Alexandra's eyes saw John's face become serious.

"Do you actually think he won't make it, Mr. Woolsey?" She thought that it could have easily been John in that situation as she remebered seeing him in the infirmary after the whole under the water gate debacle.

"We have to be realists, Dr. O'Neill. And with your abilities out of comission for the moment, there isn't much else we can do, even if Dr. Keller haven't given up."

"How soon can we expect her?" John finally spoke.

"I just sent word to Stargate Command. We'll have to wait about eight days before she arrives on the Daedalus at the nearest Stargate on Pegasus galaxy."

The pilot just nodded, his eyes low as he considered the probability of Rodney be on sane mind until then.

Days later

Jeannie Miller was so much different than her brother. And though Alexandra liked Rodney, Jeannie was an easy person to like after five minutes.

"I'm sorry, Alex, but I didn't... I don't understand..." Jeannie felt befuddled at the sudden news. Even though they already knew each other from the year before, there was so much she didn't know about.

"I'm an Ancient." Alexandra simply said as they walked to where Rodney was staying since his condition had worsen. "And Jennifer said it because I could have helped Rodney. But my... abilities…"

"Abilities?" Jeannie frowned, not understanding.

"Yes, because of my higher concentration of ATP in my genes, I have a certain set of skills."

"Ah, I see. So, you tried to help my brother… with your skills?"

"Exactly. However they are not fully controllable at the moment. So, there was nothing I could do. I'm sorry."

Jeannie merely nodded, understanding. But not fully grasping the real subject.

"Alex could have helped to heal him, basically." John mentioned as he walked behind them, listening to their exchange.

The scientist gave him a look that made him shrug.

"If it is that bad..." There was a tone of sadness in Jeannie's voice. "I wish there was a chance of bringing his niece... I wish he would have visited more often. She loves him, you know?"

"I'm sure Rodney wouldn't want Madison to see him like this." As John heard Jeannie talk about chances, his eyes landed on Alexandra's back.

"Just be aware that he might not remember much, Jeannie." Alexandra finished as they stopped in front of the confinement room. "I'll be in my lab if you want to talk." She said softly.

Jeannie nodded and entered the room, being greeted first by Jennifer.

"You disappeared." John sat down next to her, startling her from her thoughts, sitting on her usual pier, looking onto the horizon. "We need to talk."

It had been three hours, since she had disappeared after leaving Jeannie with Rodney, without a word.

"About?" She frowned, not understanding since she knew Jeannie was still talking with Jennifer about Talus, after Teyla had come to her with those news. Hence wanting to be alone for a few minutes, even if she had her radio on, in case anyone needed her.

"Us."

Alexandra looked away, thinking that particular subject had been forgotten after everything that happened with Kal. But she should know better by now. John Sheppard was stubborn.

"Why are you coming back to that?" Her voice was quiet, even if an alarm bell started ringing inside of her.

"This whole thing with Rodney made me think about chances…"

"John... C'mon... Don't be philosophical with me now. I didn't take you for one."

His hazel eyes locked on hers.

"Then, after all this, have dinner with me."

"No."

"Why not?" John stopped upon seeing the way her shoulders went rigid.

Alexandra's lips turned thin, thinking on Cameron, the Ancients and how John didn't deserve what was coming her way.

"To start, we work together. You might have a different meaning to it, given your track record, but I don't." She saw him frown, leaning back as if she had struck him. "Second, we are friends."

"What about Mitchell?" There was a tone of hurt in his voice.

"Stop. Please, John. Just stop."

Their eyes met and as she was about to stand, he grabbed her hand, placed between them.

"I can't just let it go. I can't stop thinking about..." He said, hoarsely, without taking his eyes of her, briefly falling to her lips.

[Col. Sheppard.]

The Atlantis leader voice ringed in his radio. But Alexandra also heard it from hers.

"Mr. Woolsey, what can I do for you?" John responded, gritting his teeth at the interruption. That man had the strangest opportunitties to ruin something.

[As I understand, Mrs. Miller has chosen the path to take.]

"I'll be right there." The pilot agreed.

There was a moment of silence between them after Woolsey disappeared from their ears.

"You need to go. Rodney needs you."

Reluctant, and upset, he stood and left without another look in her direction.

Everyone was mesmerized by Talus beauty. The journey to the place Ronon had mentioned was hard but it felt good, even with the threat of the Wraith.

And even though she was not clear for field duty, Alexandra wanted to say her goodbyes to Rodney, if what the Satedan had said was true.

"Are you okay, Rodney?" She asked as they stopped for a break.

"I'm tired." He sounded like a child and it was difficult seeing him like that. Not even in her wildest dreams she would imagine Rodney McKay like that. "Where's John?"

"Up ahead, checking the path." She explained. Thinking back on the entire planning of that trip. He hadn't directed a word to her in hours.

"He's a good friend. He let me have a beer once."

"Really? That's really good of him."

Rodney chuckled.

"He looks a little sad. Do you know why?"

"I think he's a little upset with me right now."

"Why? He likes you, you know?" Rodney said in a childlike tone. "It's cute."

Alexandra wasn't sure what to say, so she kept quiet as they resumed their walk and found the cave.

The moment they entered, she felt an energy of some kind.

"I'm getting very faint energy readings." Jennifer mentioned as she approached a pillar in the middle of the cave.

"It looks like Ancient design. Very old Ancient design." The scientist said, looking at what was supposed to be letters.

"Perhaps he should stand closer to this tablet." Teyla stood next to Alexandra, inspecting the pillar aswell.

"I don't know. I think that's the source of these energy readings." The medical doctor kept reading her own device for radiation.

Rodney was starting to get upset and impatient and as he screamed, he went back to his normal self.

Everything was back to normal, John thought as he looked around the dinner table, with his friends, and even Woolsey had joined them to celebrate the occasion.

Of course, Rodney was eating, being his arrogant lovable self, going on about the tapes he had filmed that needed to be destroyed. Jeannie was spending the night and she would go back through the gate the next day.

Everything was good.

Well, there was only one person missing. So, John bid them all good night and made his last round of the day, finishing on the lab he most wanted to check.

She was working on the computer, completely lost on whatever she was reading.

"Busy enough to miss a dinner party with your friends?"

Alexandra jumped on her chair, turning away from her computer. Her eyes found John at the entrance, leaning against the frame.

"I thought you were angry with me."

"Why would I be?" He walked up to her. And when she only gave him a look, he continued. "What are you doing anyway?" His eyes went over the various computer screens.

"Working."

"That's all you've been doing lately. Don't you ever sleep now?" Suddenly his eyes recognized something. "Why are you researching cryo pods..." He turned back to her. "Alex?"

"It's none of your concern." She stood, tidying up her lab as she was doing before heading to her quarters. However, her search had come up with a file in Atlantis database.

"If this is about Kal, of course it is my concern. It's the safety of Atlantis, of everyone that lives here."

"And this is the only way I know to make everything safe again and to stay in control after what happened. To you. To me. To Atlantis. To make sure there is no more secret labs out there. And it's not a marine placed at my door every night, or Ronon in my lab all day, that is going to stop Kal from taking me if he wishes to. Ancients are powerful. More powerful than anything else you've met."

"I've met a few."

"They're different than Chaya, John. She's an exiled Ancient. Much like Kal is. Why can't you understand that?!" Her frustration was slowly taking control.

"Let other people help you. Let me help you."

"No." She said vehementely, even though the urge of burying herself in his arms and feel him all around her was overwhelming.

"Why not?" His anger bubbled softly.

"You couldn't possibly understand." She wanted distance, but he had cornered her by her desk.

"Then explain it to me, Alex!"

"It's not your war."

"Okay. So, there's rules, is that it? Yes, you have powers, but you're human, you can't defeat him alone."

"I'm not just a human, am I? Understand this, John... Reading about Ancients and dealing with them are two completely different things. Just let it go."

"What if I won't?"

Her brown eyes locked on his hazel ones and for a moment there was silence. She needed to keep him away from her.

"Then, I'll think that Kal left something inside your mind months ago. Something that is making you press on a matter that doesn't concern humans." She said without thinking.

"Is that what you think I am? Just a human?" Now, he was angry.

"Of course not. That's not what I said."

"Because a year ago, when I made that decision to save Jeannie, you said you didn't judge me, when I thought you would because of what you are."

"John..." She sighed, not expecting his anger as her stomach knotted at the disappointment and sadness in his eyes.

"I get it."

There it was. A simple answer to her question. Hurt him like that and he would give up.

Her lips sealed shut as he took one deep breath, waiting for some reaction, or words from her.

Nothing came, and before he could do or say something that he would regret, John left, not understanding her stubborness.

Why couldn't she trust him enough to let go of her defenses?

And, at the same time, he was reeling at the possibility that Kal left something inside his mind, something that could be influencing his decisions towards her.

Maybe even his feelings.

No, he knew what he felt, he knew it to be true. And he would get to the bottom of that. Even if he had to find that bastard himself.

Ps: Thoughts?