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Chapter 52: Episode 5x16

John layed in her arms. A circle of cloaked figures stared at them. She knew who they were. And why they were there.

Tears fell down her cheeks as she felt his heartbeat slowing down, his breath becoming shallow. And just as she lowered her eyes to him, she felt it.

His last exhale.

Alexandra opened her eyes, sitting up on the bed. Her breathing ragged, her heart thumping wildly.

Not one of those nightmares anymore. A vision. Davos vision. The nightmares she could handle, for how much strange they were. They were part of the reason she had agreed with her uncle's orders to come back to Atlantis, anyway.

But that particular vision?

No, she couldn't handle it and she needed answers.

And she knew where to find them after Rodney, in his rambling about previous missions with his team, mentioned exactly who she needed to consult with. And Alexandra chastised herself for not thinking about it sooner.

Giving a deep breath, she looked at her watch on the nightstand. 4 a.m. Too early. Evan and his team were still asleep. And she wanted to do the same. But thinking about John made her restless.

She sighed, trying to calm herself down.

Since the other day in MS-445, since the pier, Alexandra felt different. It had been almost two weeks and it was like a burn going up and down her body. She could barely be in the same room as him and now that he knew everything, working with him was becoming a problem.

And avoiding him was out of the question, since Woolsey had given her post as head of the Linguistics Department back, and she had to deal with him almost everyday, since he was Atlantis Commanding Officer.

Ugh! She wanted to scream and damn everything to hell!

"Have you seen, Alex?" Ronon asked as he sat down for dinner. "She was supposed to meet me at the gym after me and Sheppard returned from the beach."

"She's in… Procullis. With Major Lorne's team." Teyla said, her eyes going for John as he sat down in front of the athosian.

"Procullis? What is she doing…" John closed his eyes with a sigh. "She went to see Chaya? Did she gave any reason for that?" He looked at Teyla upon opening his eyes.

"She didn't gave me one. I only know this, because I heard Mr. Woolsey mention it after Rodney and Dr. Keller left for Earth earlier."

How did he not know about that mission? Did she used the fact he wasn't around to slip away? After all, she knew what Chaya had meant to him.

"Whatever she's doing there, she should go easy after what happened on MS-445."

"Why don't you go tell her that, John? You're still on your vacation time. I'm sure Mr. Woolsey wouldn't mind." Teyla regarded, watching her friend closely.

"You're right. I should go…" John stood and walked out of the mess hall straight to Woolsey's office.

"Subtle." Ronon offered a wicked smile, watching his friend go.

"They need a push." Teyla shrugged.

After the pier, John had been careful about being in the same space as Alexandra. And she had made sure of that too. Watching her, in every meeting, or dinner time, or mission report they had, he was able to see that his presence affected her. Was he sadistic for wanting her company, at least? Speak with her and hear her voice or laughter? He just wanted for them to be the friends they once were. No Ancients in between.

Of course, he couldn't just forget the kiss that every night bled through his dreams and didn't let him sleep. It had been two weeks and, half the nights, he felt tempted to just go knock on her private quarters door.

Instead, he would just go running around the halls of Atlantis.

"Sir?" Frowning, Major Lorne saw John exit the jumper he flew in. "I thought you were on vacation."

"I was. I am... I heard Alex was coming here. And it's been a while." The colonel shrugged.

Evan nodded, understanding his commanding officer.

"She's been in there for a while." The major pointed towards an ancient temple in the middle of a field. "The ancient that resides here brought her this morning. They've been together since."

John nodded. He could imagine Chaya being surprised and curious about Alexandra.

"Is she..."

"She's alright, sir. Perhaps Dr. O'Neill seemed anxious at first, but she was at ease as they headed inside." Evan continued, knowing what his C.O. wanted to ask, without giving too much away.

"Thank you, Major." John nodded. "I'll wait, then." He ended up saying, not wanting to disturb whatever was happening inside the temple.

Hours Later

"What are you doing here, Sheppard?" Alexandra narrowed her eyes, approaching the two men. The one in question half dozing on and off for the past hour.

"Hello to you too, doc." The pilot smirked, pulling his sunglasses on top of his head.

"I asked you a question."

"Visiting old friends, so you know." His hand landed on his belt buckle with a shrug.

"Right." She crossed her arms, knowing very well what that meant, since she read all of his reports.

"You could have asked me to come with you."

"And act as a buffer between you and your girlfriend?" Alexandra tried to poke at him as she entered her puddle jumper to get a tablet. "No way. That's why I asked Evan."

"She's not…" John was caught off guard by her words as he stayed by the entrance, watching her. "Are you jealous, O'Neill?" He threw back at her.

"Why would I be jealous?" She raised her brow, barely looking up at him. "I asked Evan because I trust him. Don't you trust him?"

"Of course I do." John looked at his major. "I do, Lorne."

"I know, sir." Evan was amused at their back and forth.

"Then, what are you doing here?" Alexandra was upset. She was not expecting that turn of events, since she had made sure no one, except Woolsey and Evan's team, knew where they were going. "How did you know I was here? Aren't you on vacation?"

"I am. And Teyla overheard Woolsey that..."

"Hello, John Sheppard." A soft voice interrupted the bickering.

The pilot turned to the ball of light that became the Ancient that he had been infatuated by years before.

"Hello, Chaya." He smiled. She looked just as beautiful as before. "How are you?"

"I am very well, John. Thank you. You?" The banished Ancient smiled back.

"I'm well too." As Alexandra stopped at the entrance, he looked between the two. "So, is everything alright?"

"Yes." Alexandra said with a huff.

"No." Chaya said at the same time and turned to the scientist. "Don't be impatient, Alexandra."

"What did you do?" John frowned at his scientist.

"I'm trying to communicate with the Ancients, so we can end... this." She pointed between the two.

He knew it had something to do with that, but it struck him the pain he felt for Alexandra to be so adamant on breaking that connection.

"And now what?" He looked between the two. "You have to wait? What? A day?" He saw Chaya nod. Then, he turned to Evan. "You can go, Major. I'll stay with Dr. O'Neill."

"But…" Alexandra looked between Chaya, John and Evan.

"This is between us, right?" Hazel eyes were serious now. "So, there's no need for Lorne to stay, Alex."

A thin line formed on her lips. And he knew she considered him right.

After a second, she nodded, saying a quick goodbye to the major, and walked away.

John gave his orders for Evan to relay to Woolsey, took the supplies he and Alexandra had brought and, a while later, he watched the other puddle jumper leave towards the village where the rest of Lorne's team was waiting.

"You're worried." At some point, Chaya said as she had stayed near the colonel, observing the interactions. "She is alright, John."

"Good." John offered a quick smile. He didn't know if he was just worried or relieved by those words. While he wanted for everything to stay the same, Alexandra always seemed cold while speaking about what was happening between them, even if that was far from the truth, if the way she had kissed him said anything.

"I was surprised to meet her. A human Ancient. From Earth. She's quite… impressive." Chaya continued, in her soft way of speaking.

"Yeah. She does things in her own way."

"She has a lot to think about." The ancient observed the pilot as she started to pick up some herbs.

"What do you mean?" John watched her with a curious frown.

"They are not my worries to tell. As her friend, you should know them."

With a sigh, John sat inside of the jumper.

"They are messing up with her. The Ancients. And with me."

Chaya saw something in his eyes.

"You care for her."

"Of course. She's my friend."

"She's more than that for you. Don't lie to yourself, John Sheppard."

The pilot stayed silent for a moment, his hazel eyes looking out to the distance.

"What's troubling you?" Worry permeated Chaya's words.

"According to her, the Ancients are manipulating my feelings towards her. But I feel like that's not true." He was at a loss for words, but he trusted Chaya. "And, on the other end, there's this rogue Ancient... Kal. He told me to back off. And I tried. I really did, but…"

"You spoke to Kal?"

John stood and looked over the side of the jumper. There was no anger in her tone. Or eyes.

"Alex, I…" There was no way of denying it, since she heard it. "He appeared to me." He walked up to her.

"When?" Her tone was softer than before.

"After Michael."

For a moment, Alexandra closed her eyes, remembering when she woke up and what he said.

"Ancients are sneaky little bastards, John. Remember that? Present company excluded."

"No offense taken." Chaya said with a smile, watching them with interest.

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts, John." The scientist sighed. "You should have told me. He's messing with your mind. Why do you think he appeared to you?"

"Alex…"

"No." She held her hand high and walked away without another word.

Chaya smiled at a dumbfounded John as he saw her go in direction of the temple.

"Let her be for a little while." She counseled upon seeing that he wanted to follow the other woman. "Why did you think you had to back off? In a way, she's right about the Ancients. Why did you obeyed him?"

"I... don't know. Kal told me I was not letting her achieve her full potential. That I was a hazard to her. That I was not worthy of her."

"And are you? Worthy of her?" Chaya took a step closer to the pilot, her eyes curious.

"Why would I be?" Hazel eyes turned to her. "She's different. We are complete opposites. She's… light… and I'm messed up."

"You two are not that different, John." The ancient placed a calming hand on his arm. "You are both loyal, fighters, protectors. With good hearts."

"Thank you." John gave her a quick and relieved smile.

"It's the truth." Then she gave him a reassuring squeeze. "Wait. You'll know when you should talk with her."

With a nod, John waited with his eyes trained on the building Alexandra had entered.

Standing still by the altar of the temple, Alexandra closed her eyes.

When she found Chaya, she immediately understood John's report. She was beautiful, smart, strong, kind and understanding.

The ancient in exile showed her the temple, helped her ease her mind and gather her thoughts and doubts. It was easy to trust Chaya with her worries and her own story.

Meditation was easy to achieve with her help, sending a question to whomever would answer.

Of course, John had to ruin it by following her there and divulge his meeting with Kal. What had he been thinking? If only he had waited for her to wake up. She could have been honest and tell him everything she had been feeling back then.

She sighed, wanting for time to stand still and all worries to disappear.

Suddenly, a noise broke her thoughts and she opened her eyes.

She was not in the temple anymore.

Or she was but...

How long had she been in there?

Everything was bright, in a bluish glow, very similar to the Stargate pool. She took a step towards a window and her clothes changed to a flowy and silver dress, her loose ponytail turned into an intricate braid.

She kept walking and she exited the window into a balcony.

It was Atlantis in her might. It was magnificent.

"Alex?"

The scientist turned around to see the pilot dressed in a blue uniform, much like the ones she had seen in Atlantis database. It looked good on him.

"What are you doing here, John?"

"I felt something different in the air, pulling me towards the temple. Besides, it's been three hours and... Where are we?" John looked towards the balcony.

"In an Ancient plain of existence. That looks like Atlantis." She explained.

He looked down at her, admiring her attire.

"Don't look at me like that." She turned away from him. It was enough what she was feeling towards him at the moment.

"I am sorry, okay?" And his apology was for so much more. "No… Hear me out." He said when she rolled her eyes. "I should have told you about Kal."

"Yes, you should have."

"But I thought I was doing the right thing. For you." He leaned against the railing with a sigh. "Alex..."

"C'mon, John. Kal manipulated you, he wanted your body." Hazel eyes found brown ones. "And he manipulated me. And wanted my powers. What makes you think he's not doing their bidding?" She pointed towards Atlantis.

"Because you don't tell me everything!" The pilot stood straight, before crossing his arms.

"That's very mature of you." She sighed, tiredly, not wanting to waste her energy in another argument. "I've told you, I'm the one that has to deal with the Ancients."

"But I can help. Why don't you let me help?"

"Because losing you it would be losing her heart. And her focus in what is coming."

At the sound of a new voice, both turned.

"Ganos Lal." Alexandra stepped away from John and faced the ancient. "You're doing the Ancients bidding again? And for your information my focus is fine."

The ancient also known as Morgan Le Fay merely smiled.

"You wanted to know how your powers are growing."

"Yes."

"But the question should be, why are we letting them grow."

Alexandra narrowed her eyes. John could feel her fury bubbling from her body all of a sudden.

"However, before I answer both questions, I have a task for you."

"A bargain? For crying out loud..."

"It's merely a request." Ganos Lal shrugged, not phased by the scientist outburst.

Standing up straight, tense shoulders and a serious expression, looking the ancient in the eyes, Alexandra took a deep breath.

"And what is that request?"

"Adria wants to speak with you."

John saw the moment Alexandra raised a wall around her. A literal wall of white light, flickered with dark spots. She was afraid.

"No."

"Alexandra."

"No."

For the first time, the ancient moved towards Alexandra and John did the same, placing himself between the two, even if knowing he couldn't do much to defend her from someone much more powerful than him.

"I know it's hard, but that is the request." There was a worried tone to Ganos Lal voice as she disappeared after a moment.

Turning back to the balcony, Alexandra saw Atlantis as it once had been. She closed her eyes when she felt John next to her. Even though it was soft, she could feel his hand on her lower back. It was reassuring and all she wanted was to dive into his arms and not leave.

"I can't, John." Her voice came out too soft.

"I know."

"She took everything from me. Cam. My feelings. My belief in the Ancients that had guided me up until that point. She almost killed him. Almost killed me! She drained me and... I almost ascended." She confessed.

The pilot couldn't even imagine what it must have been like for her to lose all of that. And what about losing her? It always had made him feel helpless every time he saw her pale and uncouscious in the infirmary bed.

His eyes hazel eyes caught her white knuckles as she grabbed the railing of the balcony hard.

"And I know, I can feel it in my bones, that if I speak with her, something bad will happen."

"Like what?" John raised his brow at her biting her lip. "Alex?"

"I can't…" Telling John would mean making it real.

"Just tell me."

"You're going to die." She let it out and her tense shoulders relaxed.

His hand stopped touching her as John assimilated her words.

"What? Why? How? Tell me! Now!"

"I don't know!"

"So, how do you know?"

"Davos showed me."

"Since... last year?! Great!" John turned away from her, going over the news.

"John…" Alexandra watched him, sadly.

"This is my life, Alex. You should have told me." He was walking in circles.

"I know. But I couldn't just let you fall deeper into this world. My world. I opened myself to Cam and it drove him to his death bed."

"Goddamit, Alex!" John turned back to her. "Mitchell and I are not the same man. You have to know that."

"I do know that! I don't compare either of you. And would I give my life to save you? Yes! Of course I would!"

"No."

"What do you mean, no?" She frowned, turning completely away from Atlantis.

"It's my life. If I have to die, then I will. Why would you give your life to save mine?" Deep down, John thought he knew and just wanted her to admit it.

"Because that's what I do and it's the right thing to do."

"You can do better than that, Alex." He smirked as he took one step closer and saw her narrow her eyes. "You're not doing it."

"You don't give me orders, Sheppard."

"I have the power to send you back to Earth."

"Woolsey wouldn't allow it. My uncle wouldn't allow it."

"We're friends now, they would listen to me."

Frustrated, Alexandra turned away from him, which made John think he had won the argument. But when she kept silent, he frowned. He approached her slowly.

"Ancients are my thing, John." She said calmly, not looking at him. "If they're messing with your life, I have to do something."

"And you would do it for anyone else, right?"

Looking up at him, Alexandra frowned at his self-deprecating tone and the hurt in his eyes.

"Why do you keep doing that?" She took a step closer to himm feeling his warmth. "Putting yourself down?"

"Because I'm messed up. I act on instinct. I break the rules and that gets people killed."

"You break the rules and…" Her hands found his face and she looked into his eyes. "People get saved. Atlantis is still standing. Teyla and T.J. are alive. Ronon didn't leave. And Rodney is still a pain in the ass."

John chuckled as he felt her energy surrounding him, like it did on Michael's ancient ship. And it was so much more than he ever felt. The way she was looking at him tethered him to her as his hands slowly found her waist.

"You are not changing my mind. You are going back to Earth." He pulled himself from her and the energy receded. "This is an order." He hated using that tone.

"No." Alexandra looked at him. John frowned. "You don't get to do that. Not when you obeyed an ancient. Not when you backed off because of him. Not when I see you limp, in my arms, and I can't do anything to save you!"

"Alex…"

"I just feel it breaking me in half and it hasn't even happened yet."

"Hey…" Softly, John stepped closer to her, his finger pulled her chin up to meet his eyes. "Fine. I won't make you leave. However, we'll figure this one out. Together. Without their help, without you talking to Adria or do anything that would make you meddle with them again." After all he was afraid too. He didn't want to die and he didn't want to see her suffer because of him. If she believed he would die by talking with her nemesis, they would find another way to break their connection, even if he didn't want to. "We should go."

As he decided the next step, the scenery of an old Atlantis disappeared, leaving the temple to its own design as well as their clothes.

"Wow..." When John turned back his hazel eyes towards her brown ones, he saw her still looking up at him. "Are you okay?" He was worried at her silence.

"I am." Her hand found his and pulled the pilot out of the building and into the sun, finding Chaya standing next to the jumper.

"Did you obtained the answers you wanted?" The ancient noticed how their hands parted ways.

"No. But I will." Alexandra offered a soft smile. "Thank you, Chaya. I am sorry for disturbing your peace."

"I am happy I could help. Until next time, John Sheppard." Chaya turned to John.

"It was good seeing you again." The pilot nodded with a smile, entering the puddle jumper. Everything was feeling too surreal.

"One last piece of advice, Alexandra." Chaya approached the scientist, taking one of her hands. "You know what you feel is true. Don't let the past come between you two. Or the Ancients."

Alexandra gave her a sad smile, pulling away and entering the puddle jumper quietly.

Hours Later

On the way back to Atlantis, Alexandra and John had barely talked.

She hadn't made any decision about talking with Adria, but the way he had decided on the course to take and the way Ganos Lal had left them alone, told her something.

And after arriving on the ancient city, pilot and scientist had gone their own way, as if the experience had been too much to deal with for the moment and what it actually meant.

Now, on the Atlantis pier, Alexandra had risen a shield.

"Cam didn't deserve what was coming towards me. Neither does John." She said as soon as she sensed the ancient presence.

Ganos Lal smiled, stepping onto her side, looking out to the city.

"I knew you would get my message."

"What is so important that Adria wants to speak with me?"

"That I do not know. She barely speaks. Except, for now and then, to ask to see you. Even if curious, the others haven't been too keen to let you know about that request or for you two to meet, especially now that your powers are growing. However, when you send out your request with Chaya's help, they found an opportunity to know why she wants to talk with you."

Alexandra nodded, then frowned.

"What about my powers? Why are the others letting them grow? Because whatever John is feeling..."

"They are true." Ganos Lal interrupted her, turning to the scientist. "There is no manipulation this time, Alexandra. You are an Ancient. But you're more than that. You are also human. We lost that side long ago, after we decided we shouldn't intervene in other races fates. John Sheppard is your human side. He's the one that balances both the human side and the Ancient in you."

"But... he keeps surviving. And he's stubborn, and…"

"He loves you. He doesn't know it yet, since he has a different life experience than you or Cameron, but he will soon figure it out."

"He can't."

"Why not?" The ancient frowned.

"He's going to die, Ganos Lal. What about my heart? It broke in a thousand pieces when Cam almost died because of you... Of the Ancients. And now it's different. I feel that it is different. And the vision. I won't come out of it."

"You'll survive everything, my dear. And he will figure out that you are lying to him." Ganos Lal took the scientist hands. "You need to let him in. You need to be strong. Something is coming, Alexandra. Everyone can feel it."

"A war." Alexandra's voice broke, giving meaning to the nightmares.

"The Ori were defeated and Adria is imprisoned. But there is a dark feeling in the air."

"I'll be ready. But I will not obey their rules. Not again."

Ganos Lal sighed and, with a nod, disappeared as Alexandra's shield collapsed and she went over the new knowledge that had come her way.

Ps: Thoughts?