Chapter 7
Lena sits on the edge of the bed, eyeing the sleeping figure on the other side as she removes her earrings and necklace. It had been an eventful Sunday. With a sigh, she lies down next to Kara and turns on her side. She places a hand on Kara's forehead to feel her temperature, just as Kara opens her eyes.
"Lee…" Kara feels miserable. Her head throbs, her skin burns, and all she can think about is the red kryptonite. Just a few drops would make her feel better. Nausea hits her so suddenly that she barely makes it to the bathroom in time to vomit noisily. Lena brings Kara a bottle of water and rubs her back until the retching finally subsides. After a few minutes, Kara laboriously rises and staggers out of the bathroom into the living room, mumbling incoherently. Lena, catching snippets of Kara's murmurs, understands enough: Kara wants the red kryptonite.
"Kara, come back to bed," Lena pleads, but Kara moves determinedly across the living room and opens the windows leading to Lena's terrace. "Kara, please! You'll hurt yourself if you fly now!" Kara turns and hisses, "Leave me alone, you have no idea what you're talking about!" Lena looks at her sternly. "If you leave now, it's over!" she threatens. Kara hesitates for a moment. But isn't it already over? With a pained, "I need the red kryptonite, Lee. I'm sorry," and a scream, Kara shoots into the dark night sky. The argument also wakes Alex, who immediately leaves the apartment to chase after Kara, certain she's headed to the DEO. Lena, however, remains alone in the apartment, hoping and fearing for Kara's return.
The hours drag on agonizingly. Sleep is unthinkable, so Lena once again turns to her work on the kryptonite shield for Supergirl and Superman. Her thoughts drift back to that fateful evening when Supergirl—no, Kara—first crossed the line of friendship. She should have realized something was wrong then. And perhaps she did. But the things Kara said melted her self-control, that evening and on all the subsequent evenings, as Lena succumbed to the playful seduction and hungry glances.
Though she shouldn't be surprised, Lena flinches when she hears a dull thud and feels a cool draft. Simultaneously, her phone vibrates and a quick glance at the display confirms her suspicions:
Alex Danvers: Lena, we couldn't stop her. She's angry and unpredictable, completely drugged up! Get yourself to safety! I'll be there in about 30 minutes.
Lena turns and looks out onto the terrace. Kara. Not in the black suit, but still in the gray baggy sweatpants and the white shirt. But today Lena can clearly see the drug. The blood vessels in Kara's entire body glow red. The grin on her face resembles a grimace. Lena never thought she would need the security mechanism she had installed in her apartment years ago, especially not against Supergirl. But today, it might just save her life. As Kara suddenly fled, Lena was too slow. But now, she was prepared. She stands from the sofa and slowly approaches Kara, who still stands triumphantly outside, hands on her hips.
"Kara…" Lena attempts to settle the matter with words before she resorts to her last resort. Maybe, just maybe, she could clear up some things with Kara.
"Lena. Lena. Lena. You little genius," Kara snorts and throws her head back in laughter. "It seems you've uncovered my secret."
"Obviously," Lena replies dryly.
"As you can see, your pathetic attempts to stop me have miserably failed. But maybe you wanted that?" Kara raises an eyebrow. Lena can only despise the teasing gesture. It takes all her willpower to ignore the ugly shell of the red kryptonite and to see beneath it to Kara.
"Kara, let me help you. You're not yourself." Lena reaches out to Kara. Again, Kara laughs derisively. "I am exactly what I should be and want to be! And if I remember correctly, that wasn't a problem for you the last few times. Right?" Kara steps through the terrace door into the apartment and stands just inches from Lena. She runs her index finger over Lena's cheek. Challenging. Kara leans forward to kiss Lena, but Lena steps back two paces and places her flat hand on Kara's chest. "Kara, we need to talk."
Kara feels the anger, which had seemed to be subsiding seconds earlier, flare up again. Finally, she feels better. Finally, she has the confidence to give Lena what she had so freely taken the last few times. And now she is being rejected. She rejects Kara, Supergirl, the goddess? Lena can feel the rage in Kara rising again. She steps closer to Kara and brushes a stray strand from her face. Kara closes her eyes with a deep breath and leans into Lena's touch. She must rid herself of this anger. What is wrong with her that she is always so incredibly angry? This simple touch calms her racing thoughts and reduces the raging waterfall of anger to a trickling stream. She needs to feel Lena. "Lee…I need you," Kara whispers as she rests her forehead on Lena's shoulder. Lena places the hand that was on Kara's chest to her nape, gently massaging the tense muscles right at the hairline. The other arm she wraps around Kara's middle. Lena needs the embrace as much as Kara does. Kara turns her head slightly and begins to tenderly kiss Lena's neck. Her hands slip under Lena's shirt and make their way over her waist towards her braless breasts.
Lena exhales heavily. How she would love to give in to these gentle, sensual touches here and now. But it has to end. Again, she steps back. "Kara, Love,…we can't continue like this. I CAN'T continue like this." And there it is again, the boundless rage of rejection, the red glow of the veins and arteries in Kara's entire body. Kara closes her eyes as she feels the blood in her veins start to boil. Why is she so angry? She must leave before she hurts Lena—as she almost did with Cat Grant.
"Then I'll just go if you don't want to be fucked. You can talk to your assistant," she hears herself say. Kara feels as if she's merely a passenger in her own life. She says and does things that she regrets the moment they happen, yet she can't stop herself. As if she's remote-controlled. Her life is slipping away, consumed by this incredible, all-consuming rage. And now that Lena has rejected her, the world must burn. She turns on her heels and runs back towards the terrace when Lena grabs her by the wrist and pulls her back. Or at least attempts to.
"I won't let you go, Kara," Lena responds. Now it's Lena's turn to be angry, barely able to contain it. Who does Kara think she is? Showing up here again, high, after she had just confessed the biggest lie the world has ever seen to her and asked for her help. And not enough that she actually believes Lena would just sleep with her again without a second thought. No, she dares to insult Lena for rejecting her. Lena's patience has finally snapped. At all costs, this story will end here and now. Just as Kara is about to angrily fly away, Lena commands her AI: "Kiri, activate green power level 2," and the whole apartment glows with the green light of the only weapon that can incapacitate Kara. "You're going through this detox, now." Kara feels all strength, and all anger, leave her body. She feels weak and falls to her knees. Kara's eyes widen as the realization hits her like a hard blow: Lena has green kryptonite built into her apartment. Lena is afraid of her.
Lena's thoughts are like a storm. Just minutes ago, she thought she could simply endure it. The plan to subdue Kara, inject her with the sedative, and then put her back to bed fails miserably against her own emotions. She can't lie down next to Kara and fall asleep as if nothing happened. She can't pretend there's no need for clarification or discussion. The rage consumes Lena again. She stands over the kneeling Kara. "Why, Kara? Why did you do this to me? Did you enjoy making a fool of me? Did you laugh at me? Did you enjoy hurting me?" Deep down, Lena knows that Kara—despite the lies—would never do such a thing. But the uncertainty and humiliation are so deep that she can't control her words.
"Lee…i-…" Kara looks down. She can't withstand Lena's cold, piercing glances, and Lena abruptly interrupts her. "LENA. L.E.N.A. NEVER CALL ME LEE AGAIN. YOU HAVE LOST EVERY RIGHT TO CALL ME THAT!" Lena shouts, and Kara can't bear the fury that seems to ooze from Lena. She lacks the words to describe what's going on inside her, what's going on in her heart. Her thoughts have cleared a bit thanks to the green kryptonite, and the drug fog clouds her mind only sporadically. Kara knows all too well what she has done to Lena. Not only that she withheld the fact that she is Supergirl. That would have been the least of evils. This lie could have been justified somehow. But that she had slept with Lena multiple times as Supergirl is unforgivable. And that she had left Lena alone afterward each time is just the icing on the cake of the worst lie in the world. Kara knows that the drug influence doesn't make her sins any better, but much worse. And today she has committed the biggest sin: she gave in to her desire, exposed herself again to the effects of the red kryptonite. She had to choose between Lena and the drug, and she chose the drug. Then she returned and insulted and humiliated Lena.
Lena weeps and covers her face with her hands. She cries convulsively, her breathing shallow and far too fast. Kara recognizes the approaching panic attack. It's not the first one Lena has had in her presence, and Kara knows the signs all too well. Lena's legs suddenly give out. Kara, still in a kneeling position in front of Lena, catches her just before she hits the floor. Lena struggles against Kara, trying to break free from the embrace. She curses and insults Kara. But Kara doesn't let her go. It's a risky move, Kara is well aware. But so far, only one thing has helped with Lena's panic attacks: a strong embrace and soothing words. She holds Lena tightly and endures the punches that Lena delivers, knowing the Blonde is invulnerable. It takes minutes before Lena calms down in Kara's arms and the angry words "Let me go!" turn into the sobbing plea "Please hold me." Kara shifts slightly backward and leans back against the kitchen counter, Lena nestled between her outstretched legs, leaning sideways against her.
"I'm so sorry, Lee..na. Everything. Really just everything. I know there are no words to make it right. What I've done is unforgivable and there's no excuse, no justification. I lied to you and used you. I'm so sorry." Kara unsuccessfully tries not to cry as she speaks. She simply has no right to cry.
"I'm so angry at you," Lena replies through tears, lifting her head to look into Kara's deep blue eyes. Lena needs to see how serious Kara is with her statements. She needs to see if there's even a hint of untruth, if Kara in her divine self-absorption still somehow believes she didn't do everything wrong. But Lena sees only pain and self-loathing in Kara's clouded blue eyes. Kara can barely withstand Lena's glances and lowers her head after a few seconds. "I know."
"You need to go through detox, Kara." Lena's voice is firm, determined. Kara groans. She knows Lena is right. Even though she can still feel the effects of the red kryptonite, she already feels the withdrawal symptoms approaching. The green kryptonite makes her so weak that everything happens much faster. There isn't much time left before she drowns again in fever dreams, nausea, burning limbs, and throbbing headaches. It would be so much easier if she could continue using. But if she wants to mend the shards she's left in her wake, she needs to stop now. She has stretched Lena's understanding and kindness to the utmost. The chance for a future together might be forever out of reach, but maybe they could just be friends. Regardless, Kara needs Lena in her life. And she would endure Lena's anger for the rest of her life if she could just be near her. If it takes detox, then Kara will do it.
The loud ringing at Lena's door startles them both. Lena looks at the clock. Alex has taken longer than promised. She gets up, pulls Kara to her feet with one hand, and pushes her towards the couch. "Sit down," she commands and opens the door for Alex. "Is she here? Are you hurt?" Alex looks anxiously at Lena's tear-stained face. "Oh my God, what did she do?" Alex embraces Lena. Kara hears the exchange, hears the worry and shame in her sister's voice. If there was any last flicker of doubt in Kara that this detox is really necessary, it is extinguished in this moment. That Alex truly believes Kara might hurt Lena breaks Kara's heart. She's a monster that Lena needs to be protected from. That can never happen again. She must never lose control like this again. Kara lowers her head and Alex notices the figure of her sister slumped on Lena's sofa as she releases the hug and looks around the apartment. She recognizes with relief the green light that shines through Lena's apartment. "You owe me an explanation for this, Lena," Alex demands with a sharp tone. "Someday," Lena answers coolly. "Kara! What were you thinking!" Alex hasn't even heard Lena's reply because she's already striding toward her sister. She crouches down in front of Kara and looks into her face. The self-hatred and shame in her eyes immediately sweep away Alex's anger. Kara doesn't need a lecture or a scolding from Alex; she seems to know exactly how much mess she's made. Kara's eyes fill with tears, and she falls forward into Alex's open arms . "Alex…" she sobs and cries. "Oh Babygirl. I'm here," Alex whispers soothing words until Kara regains some composure. Lena watches the scene from a distance. The closeness between the two sisters is enviable, and Lena wishes she had such a caring sister as Kara does. She sits quietly next to Kara and strokes her back. "Kara, you need to detox. I'm taking you to the DEO." Alex stands and holds out a hand to Kara. Kara nods and stands up reluctantly. She turns to Lena, who still sits on the sofa. "I'm sorry, Lena," she whispers one last time and then follows Alex without a word.
"Stop!" Lena hears herself call out. "Alex, wait. I need to talk to you." Alex looks at Lena, puzzled. "Privately," Lena adds, casting a pointed look at Kara. Alex follows Lena into the study, and the door closes behind them. Kara tries to listen to the discussion with her super hearing, but the green kryptonite suppresses her powers entirely. Lena must have built the technology herself. The strength seems set to deprive Kara of her powers, but the pain is fairly tolerable. "How clever." Kara admires Lena's intelligence once more. Beautiful and smart. And she has destroyed everything with her incredible stupidity.
The door to the study opens again. A grim-looking Alex and a triumphant-looking Lena exit the room. "You're staying here," Lena declares. "And I will set the conditions," Alex adds. Kara wants to open her mouth to say something, but both women raise a hand each to signal that she has no say in this.
"Lena convinced me that you're better off here. She has the kryptonite lighting to protect you from another relapse, and it obviously works better than the cuffs at the DEO that constantly malfunction. You'll be here for the next seven days, you'll take your medication regularly. Lena and I will take turns keeping you company. Lena will turn down the kryptonite lighting to make it more comfortable for you. If you even try to escape, she will increase the level. You'll do EVERYTHING we tell you. Do you understand?" Alex's face is unreadable to Kara. She looks from Lena to Alex and back to Lena. Lena has put on the familiar Luthor poker face. "Do you understand, Kara?" Alex asks again, this time a bit more gently. Kara nods. "Good, I'll go get you some clothes and the medication from the DEO. And you go to bed and sleep. The detox will start soon, and it would be wise to sleep through it." With these words and a kiss on the forehead, Alex bids Kara farewell. She nods to Lena before stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the garage.
Kara and Lena look at each other from opposite sides of the apartment. "Lee-na…are you really okay with this?" Kara asks cautiously. She's trying very hard to honor Lena's request not to use the nickname anymore, but it's incredibly difficult. "It was my idea, so yes. It's okay with me. I want you to recover. And there's no better and safer place for that than here with me. At the DEO, you're too close to temptation, and the green kryptonite cuffs don't work correctly and cause you pain. Here I can control the dose better—and you need at least five minutes to get to the DEO, even if you could escape—which is very unlikely," Lena argues in a cool, matter-of-fact tone. No emotions are visible in her face or her voice.
"Let's go to sleep; I'm tired. Alex has a key, she'll settle in the guest room, and you'll share the guest room with her." With these words, Lena says goodnight, heads to her bedroom, and closes the door behind her. Kara is still bewildered and slowly heads to the guest room. She lies down in the cold bed and tries to understand the events of the past hours. Lena has made one thing clear: she no longer wants to be close to Kara. Kara will live in the guest room and no longer sleep by Lena's side. She had fulfilled her threat that it would be over if Kara chose the drugs. And Kara deserved to face the consequences of her actions. She tosses from side to side, feeling the approaching headache and rising nausea. If the next few days are as bad as the last hours before her relapse, then there is nothing to look forward to: not even Lena anymore.