She Loves Control (Camila Cabello)

"Thanks for explaining that, Quinn. I've been stuck on this problem for weeks!"

I slapped on a smile, even though I wasn't feeling it.

As one of the only seniors in my sorority this semester, it was my duty to ensure that our girls lived up to the standards of our foremothers.

It had been 40 years since any of us scored below a cum laude.

When Asha booked a study room in the library, I thought it would be rarely visited, but this was Yale, not a state school.

Given that Asha wanted to keep our dalliances on the down low, and we were both stressed, we'd initially thought using one of those reserved rooms would be a possibility.

The room was always packed, but thankfully, Asha had seen fit to steal me away for various leadership tasks.

Of course, the real task was getting each other off in bathrooms and quieter parts of the library.

We both needed stress relief. While I wasn't letting Asha fuck me, I was enjoying taking my stress out on her body.

It had been fun until the last week when Asha came into the study room with red-rimmed eyes and cleared her throat.

"Fabray, I need you, it's urgent."

No one batted an eye as I gathered my things and followed Asha out of the room.

"You good?" I asked, and she gave me a curt nod.

"Not here."

She pulled me to the other side of the library and then broke down again.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I should be happy." She whined.

"Asha, you're freaking me out."

"I'm sorry. Can you just fuck me?"

"Not with snot dripping down your face."

"Fine, a hug then?"

I wrapped her in my arms and let her cry against my shoulder.

Turns out, that was the one time, someone came to find us.

Vanessa looked confused when she saw me holding Asha, but I shook my head, and she left us alone.

Thankfully, Asha didn't see, or her tears would have been worse.

It took hours for her to tell me what was bothering her.

And once I talked her through it, we went back to raunchy sex marathons that helped us ignore the world outside the bedroom.

Thank God.

Asha bit my shoulder as I pressed my fingers into her before my last final.

It was the last day of my three-week electronic blackout, and she was taking advantage of my stress to get herself off.

"Fuck." I hissed, and she kissed the bite mark.

"Sorry…oh fuck. Harder, I need the pain, fuck me, Q!" She groaned when I added a fourth finger.

"You're taking it so good. Keep moving your hips, just like that." I gripped her hair in my fist and pressed my lips to hers as I worked her up to an orgasm.

She fell apart in my arms, and I slowed my thrusts, wanting more than just one orgasm out of her.

Who knew if we'd do this again, so I was letting myself be greedy.

Her parents had found a match for her, a woman ten years older than her who wanted Asha to move back to India for five years to help her transition her multi-million dollar business to the US.

The problem was that Asha still had a year left of undergrad and then had dreams of going to med school. If she moved back to India now, she'd be giving up her dreams.

Her parents were willing to let her finish at Yale for one more year but were insistent that she put off med school for five years.

Even though her parents were both doctors, they felt securing Asha's marriage was more important.

I don't think Asha expected her parents to find a woman that matched her exact criteria but they'd done it in less than six months.

She was wrecked over it and wouldn't stop crying; it was a distraction, but when she looked at me and begged me to dominate her so she could stop thinking about it, I didn't turn her down.

"Tell me I'm doing the right thing, Q, please, tell me what to do. Please, fuck, right there, please, Mistress." She growled, using a name that always made my skin hot.

The only other time someone had called me that was when I had Santana begging me for an orgasm.

It had slipped but when I got more excited, she had chanted it the rest of the night.

When Asha said it for a moment, I was taken back to that hotel room.

Then Asha whimpered, bringing me back to the present.

I let my anger fuel me through fucking her.

We both wanted to believe we weren't the kind of women who got off on BDSM, but we both knew better.

"You wanted this, Asha. You begged them for it. This woman was one of your dream matches, remember?"

"Yes. She's so fucking amazing." I slapped her ass, and she bit down again. "She reminds me of you. Just as dominant, smart, and hot."

"Are you close?" I said as she kept rambling.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!" She said as she soaked my fingers.

I yawned as I pressed a kiss to her jawline.

"That's my girl." I said, and she grinned as I licked my fingers.

"Can I get you off?"

"Not yet. It's part of my reward when I finish my last final. Meet me here after my exam. No orgasms for me until then."

"I wish I had your discipline."

"Don't doubt yourself, Asha. Second, to me, you are just as disciplined. Now let's go finish out strong."

She pulled her panties back up while I washed my hands and splashed water on my face.

Just before we left the bathroom, she pulled me into a tight hug. "You're going to get your happy ending, Q, I can feel it."

I rolled my eyes and dragged her toward the study room. I didn't have time to fantasize.

I lost all track of time between extended library hours, classes, and endless trips to see my advisor. I didn't allow myself to focus on what was going on with Santana or Puck's lives or any other drama that might be happening.

The only exception I gave to thinking about the world outside of New Haven was about my little girl.

That picture of Beth and Shelby sat in my notebook each day.

When I was alone, I talked to them both, promising them I was working my ass off to have a better life, just like I had promised Shelby four years ago. I made every moment count, and with graduation as my goal, I soldiered through.

By the skin of my teeth and the grace of God, finals week came and went with my razor-sharp focus.

The studying, the blocking of the world, and my day planner had me looking back on the week with perfect scores across the board, except for Biology, which docked two points off my perfect score for a grammatical error on the last question.

I took it in stride, knowing it wouldn't destroy me; nothing could.

After meeting Asha after the exam, where she knelt before me and let me ride her face until I got off, I giddily made my way back to the house.

I hadn't felt so relieved in ages.

And it was a boon for me that Asha stumbled off after, looking thoroughly fucked, while I looked as normal as could be.

I headed back to the house with a coffee in one hand and my muted phone in the other.

After three weeks of practically living in the library and shutting out the world, I could feel my body slowly shutting down. I was graduating in two days, and from there, I knew I would have no choice but to give in to being a full-blown adult.

With no studying to distract me, the weight of just how responsible I needed to consistently be once I crossed that stage hit me, and my mother's words about speaking to a professional came back to me.

Maybe she wasn't wrong, although I would never admit that to her.

I wanted to believe that I was prepared to be Beth's mother full-time, but I knew that I'd have to ease into it because as I stood right then, I knew in my heart that I wasn't quite as ready as I wanted to be.

I tried to suppress my feelings. My smile increased as I realized that I still had one more night before my mother showed up.

One more night to be irresponsible and free.

By the time I made it to the house, I had it all planned out: one last raging sorority party, no holds barred. As the social chair, it was tradition, and I had been neglecting my duties lately.

But tonight would be different...a picture of Beth flashed through my mind, and I was resolved that this would be my last hurrah.

I was going to have to make tonight count.

When I pushed open the front door, ready to tell the first sister that I saw that we needed to get some pudding made and a new wading pool, dark brown eyes full of tears looked back at me.

The aesthetic I was planning to create as my last hurrah began to vanish before my eyes.

For all the control I thought I had cultivated, it went out the window when I saw her.

The world stopped. All I saw was Santana.

My Santana.

Looking sadder than I had ever seen.

And for a brief moment, I had the hope that Brittany had left her.

How terrible am I?