It Ends Tonight (The All-American Rejects)

It took all of my energy not to break down in the face of my rapist, who was married to the woman I loved.

How was I back here?

I just wanted them gone; I didn't care if Santana knew. Obviously, Brittany assaulting me wasn't enough to get her to leave her wife.

Fuck her for putting me in this position.

"You don't have to do this, B."

She looked up at me, finding recognition in my words at the same moment that I did. Even if I was working on letting it go, she wasn't there yet. There was a spark of anger in her eyes, and I wondered if this was all an act.

The hairs on my neck started to rise as we stared at each other, sharing something dark, and I was filled with shame as her words, ones I had suppressed so well, came to the forefront.

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and turned away from them. Santana's eyes were on my back, but I kept walking toward the kitchen, not wanting to hear another word.

"Don't leave Q. I need her to be honest with me. How am I supposed to know she's being truthful if you can't hold her to it?"

I turned around, feeling my anger heat up hotter than it had in years.

"So fuck the way I feel? Fuck the anxiety and depression that comes with reliving what your wife did to me? I don't give a flying motherfuck how honest she is with you, Santana. I care about myself and being sane when my daughter gets here, and this isn't helping!"

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy here. I'm not the one that hurt you!" Santana stood to her feet, ignoring Brittany and coming towards me like she wanted to shake some sense into me, but I was beyond pissed, and unless she wanted me to slap her, she needed to back up. "I'm trying to fix this!"

"You can't fix this, Santana. You can't give me back the peace of mind that I used to have around either one of you. She violated me! She fucking raped me, Santana. She put that gun to my fucking skull and nearly killed me! Do you understand now? Is that what you want to hear?!" I snapped, my fists clenched at my sides as I practically screamed at her.

"Q?" Santana's voice was strangled as she looked at me in horror. "No. Please, God...I don't...fuck."

"What? Can't figure out how to fix me?" My voice broke as the tears released, and my face got hot. The last thing I wanted was for Brittany to see me cry.

She stood there, her mouth slightly open, as she took in what I said. She reached out to comfort me, but I slapped it away.

"Don't you dare!" I said, taking a step back, my arms crossed over my chest in an attempt to shield myself from her.

Brittany was on her feet in the next moment; this time, it was her reaching out for Santana, but she stood there frozen, her eyes still on me, "I'm sorry, Q. I shouldn't have..."

"We should go." Brittany muttered, pulling at Santana's shoulder.

Santana turned on Brittany and glared. "Why didn't you tell me? You had months and then the three-hour drive. You let me come here and bring her down. That's unforgivable."

"I know." She said, her eyes dry as she glanced at me.

"No! Don't you even look at her! You don't deserve to be in her presence, let alone look at her. I'm driving you home and then we are done, B. You hear me?"

"I know." She mumbled. "I'm sorry, Quinn. I really am."

"Get out."

"Q?" San said again, but I was inconsolable and just wanted to be alone.

"Get the fuck out, and don't you dare come back here. I don't want either one of you around me or Beth."

I pointed a shaky hand towards the door, not surprised that Brittany moved first, relieved to get out of there, but Santana, bless her heart, wouldn't just leave me like that.

"I don't want to leave you like this, Q."

"Too fucking bad. Take her and your drama and go as far away from me as humanly fucking possible."

I wanted to crumple after they were gone or throw a fit, but it just didn't feel logical. I'd been through enough bad shit to know that breaking down over it and throwing a tantrum didn't fix anything.

And so I did the next best thing: I called Maribel.

"Quinn! It's so good to hear from you."

"She brought Brittany here."

"Santana did?"

I let out a shaky sigh. "The night before I left, she came to my house and...things were worse than the first time. She had a gun to my head, but when it went off...she...something clicked, and she stopped acting so insane. In the end...I wanted it. To get off, but now...I know what it was. I tried to forgive her, you know, so I'm not carrying it around but then Santana...she brought her here unannounced. I know it's a lot to just blurt out, but I had to say it before I lost my nerve. I'm sorry."

"Where's Beth?"

"She doesn't get here until the day after tomorrow."

"Good. Are you stable? Do you need me to come to you?"

"No. I just...I feel so many different things, Maribel, and I don't trust myself right now. I don't think I'm in a very good place."

"I need you to find something to focus on. I'm going to book a flight as soon as I can. You shouldn't be alone. Can you call Noah or Jake?"

"I can do that. You don't have to come here."

"I do. My daughter is a fool for that girl, and I just see why, but I'm not going to let you bring yourself down because she isn't in her right mind."

"Thank you."

"Call Jake, see if he can come sit with you. Please?"

"Okay. Thank you, Maribel."

Jake lived across the city, but he made it to me in under twenty minutes, his eyes wide and nervous as he looked me over.

I had left the door open and was on my third cigarette when he got to me; thankfully, my eyes were drier than the desert.

"Hi." I sighed, and he just stood there, unsure what to do. Our bond hadn't really had a chance to form, so he was probably terrified to move.

"I brought you food." He said, holding up a plastic bag and chopsticks. "Puck says you have a weakness for Bacon Pad Thai."

The tears flooded my eyes, and a series of hiccups formed. I looked up at him and nodded, even though I was quickly becoming hysterical.

"Um, okay, my mom used to have these moments. I get the plates, do you have wine? I'm not much of a drinker but I know it goes well with Thai food. Kitty loved it."

I let out a harsh laugh, and he gave me a soft smile before going off in search of plates and wine.

He returned with a wine glass and an already opened bottle of red wine that I had in the fridge.

I watched, tears still silently trailing down my face, as he laid out the food and wine before sitting across from me and turning on the television.

He didn't say a word as he found a show and sat back quietly. It took me a moment, but I slowly began to eat, the food taking the place of the comfort I so badly craved from Beth.

If only temporarily. Jake, after all, could only do so much.

"Aren't you going to ask?" I told him after time had passed and my food was long gone.

He turned his head and smiled softly.

"I've learned that a woman will talk when she's ready, and so, if you want to tell me what's going on, I'm here, but if you can't, then I understand. I'm not offended. I'm just glad you called."

"My God, how are you and Noah from the same branch?"

"Different mothers, different life experiences."

"Yeah, you're right. Don't tell him I said this, but you could teach him a few things."

Jake let out a huge laugh and nodded, "I'm sure I could, but we both know he's more of a softy than he likes to admit."

"Yeah, he and I have that in common."

"Among other things." He said as he picked up a picture of Beth. "She's a great kid; you two are blessed to have her."

"I know."

He looked like he wanted to say something but thought better of it. Smart guy. Finally, he turned back to the television and left me to my thoughts.

Maribel got to me about three hours after Jake had arrived, kept me company, cleaned my dishes and waited while I fell asleep.

I woke up to her hovering over me, her hand brushing my hair out of my face.

"Hi, Mi'ja." She said a gentle smile on her face.

"How long was I out?" I grumbled as I sat up on the couch, looking around for Jake. "Where's Jake? I didn't mean to fall asleep. I feel horrible."

"Jake was fine. He seemed relieved that you had fallen asleep. He said that your sobbing worried him. He asked me to update him on your wellbeing, if you were comfortable with that."

"I am. He was so great to me. Puck would have just tried to screw me, but Jake was a gentleman."

"He is. His mom and grandparents did a great job with him. He says that you slept about an hour. How are you feeling? Is that cigarettes I smell?"

Guilt surged as I nodded and pulled my feet onto the sofa. I was balled up and feeling guarded.

"I stopped when Jake got here. I know I shouldn't have, that it's not good for her, but I couldn't think of any other way to calm down."

"No more, though, right?"

"There's a pack in there." I said, pointing to the small chest on my coffee table.

Maribel shot a glare at the chest and then wrapped me in her arms, serving as the mother that I needed right then, even though it was her daughter who helped put me in this state, to begin with.

"Well, I'll be disposing of those because getting Cancer is not going to help you or Beth."

"I know, I know."

"Good."

"How much do you know?" I asked her, but I knew Maribel better than that.

"It doesn't matter what I've heard from other people. Tell me in your own words, and in your own time. I'm here with you for however long you need."

"Thanks, Maribel."

"Nonsense, just tell me what you need."

"A hug." I whimpered, feeling pathetic, but she didn't even hesitate.

There was a hint of Santana's sent mixed with Maribel's, and I sobbed even harder.