Every You, Every Me (Placebo)

SANTANA'S POV

"Please don't be mad."

"That's fucking impossible, Brittany! You need to be in jail. God only knows why she hasn't had you arrested yet."

"Because...she wasn't assaulted. I didn't rape her." Brittany said calmly as she stared at the road in front of us. My grip on the steering wheel was shaky. I wanted to drive us into oncoming traffic, and I wanted to skin her alive. What the fuck had I done to her?

"Did she tell you to stop? Did she cry? Did she say that she wanted you? At any point?" It was taking everything in me to stay calm, but I knew that she knew that I wanted to strangle her.

"No."

"Then it was sexual ASSAULT. It was rape. You raped our BEST FRIEND, and for what? Did you think that would make me stay with you? Did you think that it would make you seem stronger, smarter, and sexier in my eyes? What the fuck were you trying to prove?"

"How do you think it feels to know that I come second to her? That you would have asked her to marry you if you knew that she would have said yes."

"Who the fuck cares? I asked you! I fought. I fight for you, Brittany! I fight for us, for this, but after what you've done...I'm not sure I even want to be on the same planet as you are!"

"You don't mean that." She squeaked, and it made my breasts hurt, my hurt ache, and my fist flew as I swung wildly at her. The car began to swerve as I made contact with her skin, so I returned my hand to the wheel. I was seeing red, but I needed to pay attention, or we would both die in this car.

She was crying now, not the fake shit she did at Quinn's but the real thing.

Good!

My mother would KILL me if she knew that I hit Brittany, but I didn't care. Someone needed to beat her ass; why shouldn't it be ME?

"You were faking those tears for Quinn's benefit. I could see her trusting that you weren't a threat. I could see her feeling sorry for YOU! It makes me sick!"

I was biting my nails as this chick snored in the passenger seat. We were almost back home, which terrified me. I had to end this marriage, but I was afraid to. Brittany had already proven that leaving her to her own devices without my supervision was dangerous.

On top of that, she now knows where Quinn lives, and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I was in a rage when I drove to Philly, and it hadn't even occurred to me that Brittany shouldn't know. I didn't think that she would attempt that shit a second time.

It was all weighing on me. How the hell could I stop her?

There had to be a way to convince Quinn to press charges; that would be the only way that something might stick. I mean, that guy, Beth's uncle, is a lawyer.

Maybe calling him would be what it would take, but I was terrified of stepping foot near anything that involved Beth. If I messed the adoption up, Quinn would never forgive me, and I would never forgive myself.

"Are you still mad?" Brittany said, her voice groggy from her loud ass nap. How does she turn the stupid questions on so fast?

"I'm NEVER going to stop being mad. This is unforgivable, Britt. I always thought it would be me that would lead us to divorce. Never in a million years did I think it would be you."

"She forgave me. Why can't you?"

"Bullshit, she forgives you. She's just as selfish as I am. That was for her benefit because it's a lot to carry. It had nothing to do with you!"

"She forgave me that night. I saw it, she begged me at the end. She was moaning, please. It reminded me of you." She said, a giggle following her words.

My stomach lurched, and I knew that if she didn't stop, I'd throw up.

"That doesn't change what you did to her. It doesn't change getting a divorce. You need help, Brittany."

"Help? Why?"

"Are you fucking with me?" I glanced at her, and she was smiling; this bitch was looking at me, her eyes shining and smiling. My nerves were taut as I saw the bruise forming on her chin from where I made contact.

"No. What are you looking at?" She pulled down her sun visor and looked in the mirror, seeing the bruise I had given her. "Oh wow, I could have you arrested for this."

"What?"

"Domestic abuse. I could have you thrown in jail, and then I could turn this car around." She had wickedness that I hadn't seen before, one that had only been described to me by people who swore that Brittany was more than what she seemed.

Like the neck-brace-wearing Cheerio, Jordan, the one who always seemed to hurt herself when Brittany was her base, and she said it was because Brittany came on to her and she turned her down...or when she released our sex tape because I wanted too much attention or forced me to come out and then stayed with Artie.

Right down to when my father said he saw her kick our family dog. She's denied it, and I've believed her, but to this day, my father won't speak to her because of it.

Now, the red flags are waving, the lights are on, and I see things much clearer.

Who the hell had I married?

When I found parking and we were out of the car, Brittany had two full-fledged bruises on her face. One on her chin and one by her ear. The one by her ear was quite blatantly a fist mark.

I should have known better; she bruises like a peach, after all.

"So what's it going to take?" I asked as we made our way to my third-floor apartment.

"What do you mean?" She asked as she unlocked the door and then tossed the keys on the counter.

I slammed the door behind me and then blocked her exit, knowing that she would probably begin to pack, wanting to get as much distance between us as possible since I was feeling violent.

"What will it take for you to leave Quinn alone?" I asked, ready to give her anything if it meant she kept her hands to herself.

She thought it over for a second, her hands busy throwing things in her travel bag. Her dorm room was ready anyway, so this was coming; it just didn't need to happen until move-in day tomorrow.

"That's a lot to ask, I've really come to like how she looks when she has an orgasm. It's like watching an angel fly for the first time. I see why you love her so much."

Even at that moment, I knew exactly what she meant. Quinn could take your breath away with a look, but at that moment, when she's surrendering to the feeling of an orgasm, it's like living in darkness all of your life and finally seeing the sun like ice water in hell.

Brittany was watching my expression, and I watched her indifference turn to jealousy for the first time. It was all me; I was the reason she thought she needed to control Quinn, and now I needed to be the reason she forgot that Quinn existed.

I couldn't be with her, shit right now, I'm not even worthy of thinking that I could, but I could and would protect her.

"Leave her alone, and I will give you whatever you want, Britt. Anything in the world."

She smiled, then her face dropped as she realized I was willing to sacrifice my happiness for Quinn's.

When her cool hands touched my face, I cringed, and her eyebrows furrowed, so I fixed my face.

"Better." She said and then pressed her lips to mine.

I didn't kiss back at first but then she was growling and pressing me back against the wall.

"B…don't." I whimpered.

"You're mine, Santana."

"B…please?"

"Say it, NOW!" She said, pressing her fingers against my neck and zapping my air supply.

My eyes watered, and she relaxed her fingers. "Say it."

"I'm yours. Please, I'll do anything."

"No divorce. Quit modeling. Give me a baby. No talking to Quinn." She finally said. It felt like my wings were clipped, but then I thought of Quinn and the baby. She was finally getting back, and it seemed worth it.

"And you promise me that we'll go to therapy, that you will never touch a gun again, and more than anything, you will leave Quinn AND Beth alone?"

"Yes."

"Okay. No divorce. No Quinn for either of us. Right?" She nodded. "I'll call the agency right now...and then we can start working on a baby but know this, if I find out that you went behind my back to fuck with her and I'm already knocked up, I have no problem divorcing you and getting an abortion or giving the kid away. Understand?"

I could see that my words had hurt her because it was okay that she was now a fucking rapist, but God forbid I get an abortion; it was against everything she stood for, but she nodded anyway.

"I understand. Quinn doesn't exist anymore. Not to me or to YOU."

"Right. Let's keep it that way."

"I will if you will." She teased, a slight grin on her lips.

"No, you will, or I don't agree to any of your terms. I'm not playing games here. This is a serious matter. Don't fuck with me right now." I snapped, ready to punch her again, but I restrained myself.

"Do you want to use your phone or mine to call the agency?"

Move-in day dawned with Brittany curled against me and my stomach in knots. I had sold my soul to a blue-eyed devil.

How was I supposed to know she'd stay on campus and not hitch a ride to Philly? I couldn't trust it. I knew that Quinn liked her place, but I was going to do everything I could to convince her to move; I couldn't be the one to tell her.

I left Britt in the room and went out into the hall outside the apartment. She understood Spanish, so there really was no way for me to make the call without her knowing what I was going to say.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mami, Bendicion."

"Que Dios te bendiga. It's early. Why are you calling me?"

"Can't a daughter call her mother? Are you mad at me?"

"Damn right, I'm mad at you, Santana. What business did you have bringing Brittany here yesterday?"

"Here? What...wait...are you in Philly?" I asked, shocked that Quinn had called my mom after I left.

"Yes, you left this girl a wreck right before her daughter was supposed to be here. Why would you do that? I didn't give you the address for you to open the door for Brittany to come here whenever she pleases. Quinn told me what that pendeja did to her. Tell me you are going to do something about it."

"I am."

"Does that something involve divorce?"

"No. I'm going to stay with Brittany. We are going to try for a baby, actually." I said, feeling nauseous at the thought of tying myself down further with my psycho wife.

"Santana, I swear on your brother's grave, may he rest in peace, that if you have a baby with that girl, it's the last you will hear from me."

"Mami...let me explain."

"No. There is no reason for you to stay with her. She should be locked up!"

"Yo se."

"Tu sabes, pero what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm protecting her."

"Hamas! How is staying married to that imbecile protecting anyone?"

"We have an understanding...just...maybe Quinn should move."

"Of course, thanks to you!"

"Mami, please, it's been a hard 24 hours. I'm tired and numb."

"I don't know who you are anymore, Mi'ja. You are not the strong-willed, honorable little girl that I raised. I have always taught you to do the right thing, but staying married...deciding to get pregnant because you think you are protecting someone?"

"I am!" I yelled, tears fighting to the surface, but my pride kept them tamped down.

The phone lifted from my hand right then, and I froze.

Brittany ended the call and then looked at me, fire burning in her eyes.

"Do we need to have another talk before I leave?" She asked, her eyebrow-raising in a challenge.

"No, B. I just...Quinn should move. It will keep us both honest. I couldn't tell her that, so I was hoping my mom would."

"From the sounds of it, that's not all you talked about. Let that be the last time you talk to her about what happens in our marriage. I can't deal with another person coming between us."

I looked into her eyes and understood how happy couples end up with one killing the other.

"You're right, B. It won't happen again."

"Good...soooo...I was thinking about making pancakes. Want some?" Her anger turned to happiness like a change in the wind.

God have mercy on me because I had sold my soul.

And for the life of me, I couldn't even find the strength to feel like it was worth it.

I looked down at my wedding band and remembered our vows.

We talked about being works in progress, but as I looked at my wife, I couldn't reconcile progress, which meant going forward with her actions.

I was scrambling to find the part of myself that had been in love with her since that choir room in Ohio, but that was a feat I wasn't sure I could conquer.

Maybe I wouldn't, and that had to be okay because Quinn and Beth needed to be safe; they deserved this chance, and I would fight until my last breath to make sure that Beth didn't lose another mother.

My phone buzzed in my hand; it was Mami, but I knew that I had to choose my wife at that moment.

It was the only way.

God forgive me.