Cheers To The Fall (Andra Day)
SANTANA'S POV
"You were right. I am EXHAUSTED. I can't believe that I'm saying this but thank the sweet Lord for Rachel Berry."
"We didn't even do much yet...Beth has a whole list that she's been checking off."
"No way."
"Yup. My kid loves lists as much as I do."
"Let me see this list!"
Quinn put down her glass of wine and winked at me as she made her way to the second bedroom that she and Beth were staying in.
Sure, I had wanted Quinn with me in my bed, had planned on it but she says it's too soon.
Apparently, easing Beth into the idea of us together is the better approach, and I begrudgingly agreed.
"Did you find it?" I called out to her after she'd been gone for a few minutes. I heard a thud and then a cackle.
"Got it!" She walked into the kitchen, waving a piece of paper around. "She must have taken her list with her when Rachel picked her up. Thankfully for you, I made a copy."
"Of course you did!" I grumbled as she put the paper down in front of me. I could feel her watching me as I read over the list.
"Turn it over."
"What? How is this list is double-sided and top to bottom on both sides, Q?" I was in shock, but she just grinned at me.
I was beginning to panic because I didn't want Beth to miss a thing.
"I know."
"You two are only here until Sunday. How is she going to get all of this done? It's already Christmas Eve. She's got Saturday, really, because tomorrow is ice skating and the TWO Broadway shows, and her flight leaves early on Sunday, right? I want to do all of this too. How did we run out of time?"
I whined, and she rolled her eyes.
"Well, San, you didn't have to go to Times Square with us and insist on visiting every single store...she just wanted to see the big billboards. The stores were your idea."
"Isn't she from New York? I mean, she has lived here most of her life. Right?"
"She has. Are you upset that we don't get alone time?" She pouted, and I nodded.
"A little, but at least we have right now. Which is a miracle, and let me remind you, if we hadn't gone to the extra stores, we wouldn't have run into Rachel, and she wouldn't have offered to take Beth to see the Rockettes tonight...so you should be thanking me."
"And why should I be thanking you?"
"Because now you and I can have wine and can make out after we wrap my last little gifts for her." I murmured while checking off Times Square with my pinky before proceeding to quietly count the activities that were left. "12 things left to do. Thankfully, each show is on its own line, or we would run out of time!"
"You do know the real reason we are doing this, right?" She asked, and I shrugged like I didn't already know the answer.
"I'm just being a brat, Q...I know this is about her connection to Shelby. It's important that she not feel disconnected from Shelby. I guess that's why I convinced her to go out with Rachel. At least then, she could be with someone who looks like Shelby. It will do her some good, I think, to spend time with her pseudo-sister. I'm tired, but these last few days with you two have been awesome. I wouldn't trade it for anything."
QUINN'S POV
How, God, has she been in my life for all of these years, and I hadn't fallen in love with her sooner?
I leaned over and landed a kiss on her lips as her head lifted. She tasted like wine and chocolate.
"Move in with me." I blurted out without even thinking.
I was still leaning over the counter that she was sitting at, but now I couldn't stop staring into her surprised eyes while I waited for her to respond to my spontaneous request.
Right then, I was feeling vulnerable...something that we both found hard to express but seemed to be experiencing with each other much more lately.
"What?"
"Move in with me, S...it could be this awesome all the time."
"Q, don't get me wrong...I want to live with you forever, someday soon, but you just told me two days ago when I tried to get you in my bed how we needed to be slow for Beth. How will that look to her, me moving in with you a month after she's met me?"
My world crashed down a bit, but I knew that she was right.
"I know it was impulsive to ask. You're right. Slower is better."
She leaned forward and kissed me hard and slowly before pulling away with a goofy, lust-filled look on her face.
"God, I want you so bad...ugh."
"I want you too."
"Slow?" She reiterated with a whine.
I nodded, and she sighed.
"Fine...let's get the wrapping out of the way so we can make out some more before Beth gets back."
"Cold showers tonight, huh?" I asked as I refilled my glass.
"Definitely."
We were sitting in the living room a while later, caught up in wrapping the presents that I had sneaked into the Limo and the ones Santana had gotten today when Beth was distracted.
Mariah Carey was crooning along with Santana when she abruptly stopped singing along to the iconic Christmas song and looked straight at me.
"You're disappointed, aren't you?" She asked, running a hand through her hair and licking those delicious lips.
"A little, but I appreciate you holding me to my own standards." I admitted, not bothering to look at her for too long because if I wasn't careful, I knew that I would say something that I'd regret and/or jump her bones.
She got silent and then started humming after a moment.
"Cool..."
"Yeah...cool."
I didn't miss the way that we both seemed disappointed about the same thing. It seemed like it had been 35 years since we first started figuring out where we stood with each other.
How much longer would we have to hold out?
I pushed my last wrapped gift to the side and rested back against the couch, feeling like maybe her wanting to talk about it meant she was thinking of changing her mind.
I had a three-bedroom apartment...maybe I could convince her to be my roommate, but she just about read my mind a moment later.
"It's important to me that I live on my own for a while, Q. This apartment, that bed in my room and even that couch you're leaning on, it all screams Brittany to me."
"Oh." I wanted to move from where I was sitting, but I wasn't going to be that petty. I knew for a fact that Brittany hadn't lived here for long.
"The divorce is just about final, but I have yet to break my ties with her. This place is really the last one, and I don't think moving into your place right after leaving this one would be good for us." She said, all while looking down at the box she was wrapping.
She was nervous, but I fully understood.
"So you don't want me to be a rebound...is that the real reason you didn't want to have sex with me the last time I was here?" I asked, still feeling slightly rejected from that weekend.
She looked up at me, the truth in her eyes and shrugged.
"I want you, Luce...I want you more than I've wanted anything, even fame. I just want to do it right this time around. I want us to last a lifetime."
"That's admirable."
She pushed her gift into the pile and looked around for another one, but thankfully, we were finished. She looked at me and smiled.
"Can I kiss you?" She asked as she crawled over to where I was sitting, mischief in her eyes.
How can she be so naturally hot?
How can both of us, these flawless boss bitches even exist in the same room together?
"You can always kiss me."
Her lips crashed against mine, hard and desperate, and I reciprocated in kind...at least until she climbed on my lap and ground down hard against me. What should have felt good brought back a distinct memory that I had been working like hell to forget, and so, undoubtedly, I froze.
She still straddled my lap, sitting on my thighs, but had pulled back and was staring at me with a raised brow.
"What? Did I hurt you? Is it your back?"
I didn't want to tell her the truth, but I had to.
My therapist would urge me to.
"This position...on the Ferris Wheel-" I started to say, and she looked at me in horror, remembering, no doubt, that this was how Brittany sat on me.
"Shit, I'm sorry! I didn't even think about that."
She moved to get up, but I gripped her hips and kept her there.
"No. Stay. It was a momentary panic, but I couldn't let what she did hold me back from being intimate. I want you right here." I leaned in and kissed her still lips; she belatedly kissed back, and I pulled away and smiled at her. "I want all of you whenever you're ready, you know that."
"I did, but apparently, it has to be when we are BOTH ready, not just me. I feel so stupid. I should have known better."
"No...you aren't her. I know you won't hurt me unless I want you to." I smirked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Fuck." She groaned... "This shouldn't be so hard...I've screwed people with less emotion than this. Shit, I screwed Brittany without a thought most times. Why is this so different?"
I tried not to cringe when she mentioned Brittany, but I know that I failed at hiding it. Her eyes went wide as she noticed, and I felt like I was adding to the baggage heap.
Mayday, mayday...too much talking not enough action. I thought maybe turning it around would fix it...I had to do something.
We couldn't go on like this.
"Maybe things feeling different between us just means that we're falling in love..." I said, hoping that my sappiness would make her forget that the very mention of her ex-wife's name made me feel violent.
"If that's what this is, then I need to stop bringing her up. Old habits die hard and that's exactly why I need to live on campus and not that third bedroom that you were probably going to offer me."
Of course, she guessed that. I rolled my eyes and leaned in closer.
"I need to distract you better. We are wasting valuable alone time."
"Damn right."
I raised my hands to her face and pulled it towards me, kissing her with everything I had.
Sex wasn't on the table, neither was moving in together but kissing...I could give her that, and I planned to convey everything that I felt in every kiss.
SANTANA'S POV
Beth got home around midnight and groggily kissed her mother before going straight to bed without another word.
Her energetic exuberance was no match for the boundless energy coming off of Rachel, who was beaming from ear to ear when I opened the door.
"Merry Christmas, Santana. Beth picked this out for you," She held a red-wrapped gift in her hands, "Where can I put it?"
I thrust a thumb backward toward the living room.
"Merry Christmas, Rachel. The tree is in the living room. Can I get you anything? Wine, vegan egg nog, a medal for actually being a match for Beth's energy?"
"Actually..." She began as she stepped into my place, looking around at everything she could, while she still could, being as this was the first time she had ever been here. She put the present under the tree and then wrapped Quinn in a hug before turning towards me. "I was wondering if I could stay here tonight. My dads are in two different places, Kurt and Blaine are back in Lima, and Mercedes is in LA...so...I was hoping that maybe I could tag along with you for Christmas, maybe even go skating tomorrow ?"
And that's when I noticed the overnight bag over her shoulder.
"Gotta give it to you, Berry, you come prepared." I snarked. Quinn shot me a look and promptly reminded me of her endless soft spot for Rachel.
"Beth said you have tickets to two shows tomorrow, and since I still have connections on Broadway...I could probably get those, too...or I could go home for a bit...I just don't want to spend the whole day alone..."
Quinn began to speak...probably to invite Rachel before I had the chance to shoot her down, but I knew Quinn better than she realized and managed to speak first.
"You can stay, Rachel; the more, the merrier. I'm sure Beth would love it."
"Thank you so much! I really appreciate your hospitality."
"Say that again after you sleep on that couch tonight." Her eyes went wide, and Quinn was glaring again, so I filled in the blanks. "What? It's memory foam. Chill."
"YOU GOT ME A HORSE?!" Beth yelled after opening the envelope I had put under the tree on top of a large box. Inside, there was a picture of a gorgeous white horse that I fell in love with the instant I saw the picture.
Quinn turned to me, a mug of hot chocolate gripped so tight that I thought she'd break it.
"Santana, that's too much, she's five!"
"Quinn's absolutely right. That's not a very prudent gift, Santana." Rachel chimed in.
"I did not buy her a horse. My PARENTS bought her riding lessons and reserved a horse for her to use. I got her the box under the envelope."
Quinn still looked unsure of how truthful I was being, but I knew that would be resolved the moment she could sneak away to call my mother.
Beth handed Quinn the picture of the horse and set to work, opening the box that I had wrapped.
"COOL, a helmet!" I looked at Quinn, and her resolve broke a bit.
"I was going to get her riding boots, but I didn't know her size." I cut in.
"The helmet is more than enough. I'll tell Puck to buy her the boots when he gets here."
"So then you're okay with this?" I asked, and she nodded.
"There's not much I can do at this point, but since you are moving to Philly, I'll let YOU take her to the lessons. You know how I feel about horses." She just about whispered.
As a child, she'd been thrown off of her pony and had sworn off horses ever since. I thought she'd gotten over that fear, but apparently, she hadn't.
"Wow! How did I forget about that?"
"I'm not sure you did." She said, rolling her eyes.
"I did, honest."
"Prove it." She murmured.
I went to lean over and quickly kissed her without thinking when Beth shrieked.
"I knew it! Told ya, Rachel, Mama Q like, likes Santana!"
"Shit." Quinn mouthed.
"I guess we've been found out." I said with a shrug.
"Thanks for that." Quinn muttered.
"Merry Christmas, Q...I didn't mean to cause drama, honest."
"Yeah, Yeah...sure you didn't."
QUINN'S POV
I was internally panicking about the kiss when I saw Rachel dig money out of her pocket and hand it to Beth. I heard a growl and realized that it had come from me.
Rachel knew better, or at least I had hoped.
Santana's hand came down on my thigh, trying to distract me or hold me back, but I felt incensed.
"Easy there, tiger, from the looks of it, Beth bet Rachel...not the other way around."
"Is that true, Rachel?"
Rachel looked at Beth and then back at me and shrugged, probably because she didn't want to get Beth in trouble, but Beth's look of guilt gave her away before Rachel could.
"Beth, what did I tell you about gambling?" Beth froze in place, money crumpled in her hand and shrugged her shoulders.
"Um..." Beth began.
"Q, it's Christmas, it's all in fun, don't embarrass her." Santana whispered in my ear, but I couldn't stop myself.
"What did we discuss?"
"I'm sorry...I know you said not to." Beth said before handing the money back to Rachel and quietly leaving the room with tears staining her cheeks.
"Shit. Shit. Shit."
"This is all wrong. Dammit, Rachel!" I snapped at her, standing and storming towards her, and this time, Santana didn't hold me back.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't think it was a big deal." She said, throwing her hands out to stop my advance.
"Have you met me? Of course, MY CHILD gambling, especially with an ADULT, is a big deal to me!"
I was blowing up, and Rachel was shrinking into herself. No matter how much I grow, the old Quinn never leaves me.
"Q, cool it. Beth can hear you yelling." Santana said from right behind me. She grabbed my wrist, stopping my hand, which was midway to Rachel's face. I didn't even know that I was doing it, but thankfully, Santana had been prepared. She didn't let go of me and stepped in my way. "You need to take a breather. You are not Russell, and that little girl is not you."
"But..."
"No. You remember how it felt to be embarrassed. You remember his temper...stop now before it goes too far."
"Shit."
"Go talk to Beth...help her get ready. The show is in two hours. Rachel is sorry, aren't you, Berry?"
"I am immensely sorry, Quinn."
I looked at both of them and knew that my freak-out was a little too careless.
"I don't know what came over me." I sighed, dropping my hand and stepping back from Santana and Rachel. This was the first time that I had lost my cool with my daughter, and of course, I did it on Christmas morning.
She'd never forget this, and I felt so ashamed.
I was close to having a panic attack.
My hands were shaking as I covered my face and tried to breathe past the pain in my chest.
I thought I'd pass out until cool hands touched my arms, rubbing them and applying pressure. It was like magic, the way that Santana could touch me, and some of my building panics melted away.
Santana's face was so calm as she searched my eyes.
"Hey there, sugar tits, I need you to breathe."
I tried to smile, but my chin wobbled, and tears flooded my eyes.
"I need to...talk to Beth." I stuttered out.
She shook her head and then kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose, and then my lips. I sighed, why was she being so nice when I had been a monster?
"I think I need to talk to her first. I shouldn't have encouraged her behavior or reinforced it." Rachel began to say, but I shook my head.
"No. It needs to be me. Rachel, I'm sorry I nearly slapped you. I lost my temper, and that's unacceptable."
"Mama?" Beth's small voice came from just behind Rachel, and I nearly lost it again, but this time, with tears, I felt like the ultimate failure, and I didn't want her to see me like this.
Rachel went to the kitchen, and Santana began to clean up the wrapping paper on the floor without saying another word.
"Yes, baby girl?"
"I'm sorry." She said, her eyes dry but her face red from crying.
"I'm sorry, too." I crouched down and opened my arms for her, and she ran into them, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I love you, baby girl. I promise to never talk to you like that again, especially in front of other people. Okay?"
She nodded and let out a breath.
"Are we still going ice skating?" She mumbled. "Am I punished?"
I chuckled, thinking of how disappointed Santana and Rachel (the New Yorkers) would be if I canceled anything on that list, especially ice skating at Rockefeller Center.
"No, Sweets, you're not punished. You know better now, and so do I. Let's call it even. Okay?"
She nodded, swallowing and then attempting a smile.
"Okay...no more gambling. I promise."
"Good. Why don't we go get ready? We have a list to complete!"
SANTANA'S POV
"So, is it true? You and Quinn?" Rachel asked as she followed me down to the dumpster. She had a huge grin on her face.
"That's private, Berry, and I'd rather you NOT have anything spread on the Lima Grapevine."
"Then it's true?" She persisted.
I threw the trash bags onto the heap on the loading dock and turned on her so fast that she nearly peed herself. Her stupid grin, though, was still there.
God, freaking her out still feels good.
"When you had your pregnancy scare, I kept my mouth shut. Didn't I?"
She got pale and nodded, that stupid grin finally falling from her face.
"Yes, you were quite discreet."
"Then I've earned that from you, yes?"
"Discretion?"
"Yes." I said, poking my finger into her shoulder. "Discretion."
"You have. I will not say a word to anyone until you do."
"Good because that little girl has been through enough, and I do not put it past my ex-mother-in-law to drag her through the mud along with Quinn and anyone else who is involved."
Rachel swallowed hard and nodded.
"You're correct. I will be discreet and respect your privacy."
"Good. All I will tell you is that what Quinn and I have is fragile and new. It doesn't even have a label, but regardless of that fact, it IS something more than friendship."
She smiled again, this time more genuinely.
"Then let me be the first to congratulate you both. You deserve each other." I could feel my eyebrows raise, not sure how she meant that, and she immediately backpedaled. "I meant that in the best sense. You two are good for each other. Always have been."
"Why, thanks, Rachel. I think so, too."
I watched Rachel amp herself up to go back into the apartment, and I had to say my peace.
"Wait, walk with me."
"Didn't we just do that?"
"I know, just walk."
She nodded, and we walked to the end of the hallway, out of earshot of my apartment door.
"Is this your way of telling me I can't go inside?"
"No."
"Then what is it?"
"Why are you here? I want the real answer because I know you, there are about six people that you could have spent the day with but you came to me. Why?"
"I'm not sure that you know this, but Shelby moved to New York to be close to me."
"Did she?"
"Yes. We'd meet every month to have lunch, I'd catch her up on my life...and by extension Quinn's. She didn't want to bother Quinn with her struggles or distract her with Beth, but she wanted updates and she was proud of Quinn and Noah."
"I think you should tell Quinn that."
"Maybe I will. I didn't tell her before because Shelby didn't want her to know. She was so adamant about creating that barrier between Quinn and Beth, now though, none of that matters."
"You didn't answer my question."
Rachel sighed and wiped away a tear before clearing her throat.
"Even though I walk around with Shelby's face, Beth has so much of her. She reminds me of Shelby, she feels like home...and just so you know, Shelby and her made bets all the time. It was their thing, and they'd bet the same five dollars back and forth, that kid needs me but I understand that Quinn is forging a new path. I overstepped, and I won't do that again."
"Wow. Can I hug you?"
Rachel looked at me, mouth agape, and nodded.
"Please?"
I wrapped her in my arms, just like I did with the pregnancy scare and held her while she let out her tears.
"I know you want to disappear for the rest of the day, please don't. You're right, Beth does need you, and to be honest, so do I."
"But you have Quinn."
"I'm not fully divorced, Rachel, I still have that monkey on my back. With you here, it takes some of the pressure off."
"Okay, I'll consider it."
"Good, and you're right, maybe Quinn isn't ready to hear all that Shelby stuff, give it time."
"I will."
"Thank you for being here, you've been one of the best parts of this day."
"Really?"
"Yup."
She let out a deep sigh, and then we broke apart, wiped our eyes and left the heaviness behind.
Hopefully, Quinn had done the same.