Chapter 41: Don't Look Now. I'm being followed. Act Normal. (Hands Like Houses)

SANTANA'S POV

At some point, I had fallen asleep, and I woke up to the sound of typing. I rubbed my eyes and then put the phone back to my ear, feeling a sense of peace as I listened to my mother hum to herself.

God, how I craved to be that much at peace.

My head was spinning a bit, but I knew once I was out in the cold that my head would clear.

"Mami?" I said groggily as I began to pull out an outfit for the day.

"Oh, you're awake!"

"How long was I out?"

"Two hours, give or take. I had a conference call with a client in Atlanta and just finished up lunch with your grimy looking father in which we had the pleasure of listening to you snore and sing in your sleep. And you'll be happy to know that I was right, he admitted to me that he's been seeing a woman from church."

"Papi goes to church?" I asked, stunned that he even knew where it was.

"Tell me about it! I'm surprised that our bickering didn't wake you. What time did you get off of work last night?"

"I got home at 4 this morning and then went to the airport to drop off Beth...I still hadn't slept when I called you."

"Well then, I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did. Where is Quinn by the way?"

I checked my watch and groaned; I had missed most of her ride home and hadn't checked on her once.

"She should be home in a little bit...I got her a town car for the ride."

"Well isn't that nice."

"I wish I could have taken her myself, but I have to be at work in a little bit."

"You know Santana, you should really take us up on bringing your car to you. I know you said it's a waste of money when there is public transportation everywhere but there's nothing like being able to come and go as you please. Before you shoot it down, just think about it."

I felt a headache coming on, but I nodded along to my mother's mini-lecture, not discounting her even a little bit.

Frankly, I didn't have the energy to.

"You're actually right, Mami...In New York it's unnecessary but you know, I might actually appreciate having my car in Philly. How about the two of you bring it when I move into the dorms?"

"GREAT idea Tata! See, Mari, I knew if you asked her she'd agree." Papi said, his voice coming out of nowhere.

"Papi?"

"Oh, right, Santana your father has decided that he would like to spend the rest of his day lounging on the couch in my office. Say hello."

"Nice warning, Mami, what if we had been talking about something I didn't want him to hear?"

"Like your confusion over my church attendance?" He said with a chuckle.

"Or something personal."

"Ha! There is nothing personal when it comes to our little girl, Tata." Papi interjected. "Oh and Que Dios te bendiga."

Mami chuckled, and I grumbled.

"You know, after all these years, you would think that the two of you would know me better. I was getting there! Bendicion, Papi."

"Are you still in therapy, Tata?"

When my parents wanted to bring me home after I admitted to being suicidal, I refused, and they relented once I told them I'd go on medication and go to therapy.

But I wasn't going.

"She's hesitating, Antonio."

"I can hear that. Maybe she fell asleep again. Tata?"

"I'm still here, Papi."

"When did you stop therapy?"

"I never actually started."

"In the new year, let's change that."

"Okay, Papi."

"In the meantime, Nanita, you call me. I know you hate when I treat you like a patient but talking to me is better than you holding it in."

"Okay. I got it."

"Good."

My parents kept me on the phone all through my shower, getting dressed, and the ride to the bar. They drilled me on my holiday and how I felt about things until I finally insisted that they let me hang up so I could go earn a living.

When I finally got to work, the supply truck had already come and gone...which was just about the whole point of me not leaving with Quinn.

To make matters worse, Carlo was waiting for me outside, smoking a cigarette and typing angrily on his phone.

"I'm sorry that I'm late...my parents would not get off the phone."

He looked up at me, straight into my eyes and didn't say a word at first. If I didn't know any better, he was about to tear me down, but he just tipped his head towards the door.

"Right...so let's have a chat Lopez."

I followed Carlo into the bar and was surprised to see that it looked like it had been run through by at least one roaming drunk.

"What happened in here?"

He turned on me, his eyebrows raising and his arms crossing over his bulky chest.

"I was going to ask you the same question, Santana."

"When I left, it was spotless."

He gestured around the room, but what I noticed was the nearly empty bottom shelf behind the bar where some very expensive bottles had once stood. Carlo, though, was gesturing toward the various puddles on the floor...puddles that smelled like a mix of urine and bile.

"When I got here a half hour ago, at the time that I asked you to be here, the door was unlocked, and the lights were on...thankfully the storage room and cash register were at least locked up."

"But...I locked..." And then I thought about it, about how distracted I was this morning and then the idea that I could have forgotten to lock up didn't seem so far-fetched.

I pushed my hand through my hair and down over my face. What could I say? It wasn't like I could go back in time and fix this, so I just stood there and waited for him to fire me.

But he just pointed towards a mop and bucket in the corner.

"Clean the place up and just know that if you were anyone else, the cops would be involved but I care about you. I care what happens to you and I am grateful that you at least had the presence of mind to protect my money." He glanced at the liquor shelves that were lacking in bottles..."Well at least for the most part."

"I'll pay for what's missing, Carlo." There, I could at least offer that much.

"No. Save your money, just clean up and get out of here. Quinn's probably waiting."

"Carlo-" I began to say, but he just looked down at his phone and walked away.

"I want it spotless, Lopez, and you won't be paid for this time." He called over his shoulder before slamming the door to his office.

This was not how I wanted to end things with one of my biggest New York supporters. This was yet another thing that Brittany's call had done to derail my peace.

Great.

It took me three hours to clean the entire bar because whoever had been in there had also decided to take a shit in one of the booths.

Lucky me.

By the time I was done, I was sweaty, stinky and enraged with myself.

I knew that Quinn was definitely home by now, and because I didn't want to piss off Carlo by being on my phone, I still hadn't checked in on her.

Ignoring Q, had me feeling like the worst person in the world.

My phone had buzzed in my pocket a few times, but I knew better than to even look at the thing.

Besides, with the way that I was feeling, with my luck, I'd end up being bitchy to Quinn.

That was the last thing I needed.

I had just tucked the mop away and was headed for the door when Carlo's hand came down on my shoulder.

"You just going to leave without saying a word?" He said before stepping in my path, blocking my way to the door. At least at that point, the look on his face was more of a disappointed dad instead of a pissed-off superior, which served as a small note of comfort.

"I didn't think that you'd want to talk to me."

"Well you thought wrong. While you cleaned I looked over the surveillance of your shift. Looks like it was old man Reyes that came in looking for some service at quarter to four, but you had already left."

I dropped my head in shame.

"I'm sorry."

His hand cupped my chin and raised my face until we were eye to eye again.

"You had my permission to close the bar early, but instead you kept it open past necessary. If you had locked up, we wouldn't be having this conversation but instead we are forced to. You know why?"

"Because I fucked up." I finally said after the staring had gone on way too long.

"Yes, you did but it's not the forgetting to lock the door that angers me. We all make mistakes, what upsets me is what caused you to be forgetful in the first place."

"Oh."

"I noticed that you were fine up until you made that second phone call. After that I watched your whole mood shift. Maybe you get my no cell phone policy now. It's a distraction."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want apologies, they do nothing for me. I get that you were bending the rules because it was Christmas. I'm not a grinch, the bar was slow, and it didn't seem like a big deal. Maybe you felt obligated or maybe you saw it was a slow night and it couldn't do much harm. I'm willing to wager that it was Brittany or her mother calling. Am I right?"

I shrugged, and he dropped his hands to his sides, looking a bit frustrated.

"That doesn't matter. I know that I'm a fuck up, okay. Just officially fire me so that I can be on my way already." I began to walk around him, but he was once again holding onto my shoulder.

"No." He dropped his hand when I glared at him but didn't move out of the way.

Now I was pissed.

"What do you mean NO...I'm leaving this place after the new year anyway. You might as well just cut your losses before I find some other way to disappoint you."

"Never. You're like one of my kids, Santana, and just like them, I can see the part of you that you're always trying to hide, and I know for a fact that this bar means just about as much to you as it does to me."

"So." I shrugged again, not wanting to look at him but not having the balls to look away.

"So, I know that what happened was not something that you intended to do, lucky for us it was just a stray drunk and not something more serious. Right?"

"Right."

"Whatever she said to spook you, has you walking around worse than I've seen you in months. You didn't even look this upset when you were drinking and snorting that shit up your nose."

I paled and took a stumbling step back as he read me like a book.

"I-I don't know what...you're talking about." I stammered.

"Don't play with me, Santana, I know what you were doing. I saw those idiots selling to you. Thankfully, you had enough respect to not do that shit in my bar but don't for once second think that I didn't know what kind of shit you were getting into."

"Carlo...I...things were..."

He held up his palm and shook his head.

"No, I can't take excuses from you kid. People do crazy things when their back is against the wall, and they have lost all hope."

"I stopped."

"I hope for good."

"Yeah." I said back...not sure how to respond to that. This was a talk that I wasn't ready for, but I knew that I wasn't hooked...not like I could have been. I was almost starting to forget how bad things were...almost able to pretend that it was all just a nightmare.

"That girl saved you. I hope you let Quinn know that her coming here grabbed you from the darkness before you got too deep." He said, and I just stood there, dumbfounded, nodding along to his words because how could I even attempt to lie at this point? He knew way more than I had ever realized.

"Actually, I sent her home. I plan to head down to Philly tonight."

"I'm proud of you for closing up and not staying here and getting drunk. I have to admit that when you didn't show up, I was worried that you had gone off and overdosed somewhere. My daughter is excited for you to join her program, I dreaded having to let her down. If you had shown up ten minutes later, the cops would have been here."

"I didn't...I haven't. Not since..." I began to say, waiting for him to cut me off but he was listening. So I continued. "Thanksgiving, I'd been...I did some things that I'm not proud of to get that stuff and I've been so afraid to go any further with her...she's...my moon, Carlo. I can't let her down."

He opened his arms to me, and I fell into them, my entire facade cracking at the feel of his arms around me.

It was the first time that I had been honest with anyone about just how dark things got after Brittany shot herself.

But now...I was finally feeling like I had the courage to do what I had told Mami. I would use this week to really commit to a new life...to Quinn.

Because of Beth, this couldn't just be a one-off thing. Because of Brittany, I couldn't just fuck Quinn with abandon.

I needed to get my priorities straight and rise above everything that was causing me to fall.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Mami has been telling me that since I was a kid, and I've always rolled my eyes.

I was exhausted as I made my way home, but I knew that once I was wrapped in Quinn's arms, everything would be alright.

With a giant cup of coffee in hand, I packed up my bag for the week and cleaned my place.

Just as I was preparing to buy a ticket to Philly, my phone chimed, and I answered it blindly, not thinking about anything but getting to Quinn.

"Santana?"

My heartbeat was in my ears as I listened to Whitney steal my last bit of sanity.

Never before had I let her see me break, but as she brought down my fragile world, I couldn't hold back, and I could tell she was getting a kick out of my sobs.

Every decision after I ended that call was bad.

I should have never sent Quinn away.

My good intentions were my downfall.

"Merry Christmas, Whitney." I said, trying to will some good faith with her.

"I hear you've been having a great time in New York, while my daughter sits here alone without her wife."

"We are getting divorced."

"About that, maybe don't get too comfortable with Ms. Fabray."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that the ball is now in our court, and we plan to take you for every penny that you have."

"Excuse me?"

"Enjoy the last of your holiday. It's probably going to be the last one where you have a roof over your head."

The fuck?

QUINN'S POV

Day 1-Sunday night

By the time that I got home, I was completely wiped out and wanted nothing more than to cuddle with Santana but like most things in my life, I was forced to wait.

Thankfully, I had things to distract me.

With Santana surprising us a few nights ago, my place was not left in the condition that I would have liked, so I set to work cleaning and sprucing up the place.

I was scheduled to work every day this week, including New Year's Eve, something I tried like hell to get out of but couldn't seem to avoid. Having Santana here, though, will make the week without Beth seem much more bearable.

That...is a blessing in itself.

After a goodnight call with Beth, I settled into bed with my phone and a book, hoping that Santana would show up by morning.

I'd gone way too long without cuddling her.

Day 2-Monday Morning

My head was pounding as the squeal of my alarm woke me up on Monday morning. I looked down at my phone and saw a message from Santana from sometime around midnight.

Stuck here. C u tmrw.-S

I tried not to be disappointed about it. I tried, in fact, to brush it off with the bright side...I had to be at work all day anyway, so even if she were here, I'd have to leave her anyway.

Just woke up, I'll be at the community center until around lunchtime, and then I have that funeral tonight. What time do you think you'll get here?-Quinn

San, I don't care what rut you're in. We will figure it out.-Quinn

Please don't leave me hanging.-Quinn

I stared down at the message for a long moment before hitting send, not expecting an immediate answer, knowing that if she worked all night, she was probably dead to the world, at least until my lunch break.

This was just a minor hiccup...there was nothing to be worried about yet.

Day 3-Tuesday Morning

Okay...now I'm a little concerned.

Monday came and went without another word from Santana. No message and no phone call in response to my question had me reverting to rage.

How could she not say anything?

And so, like the mother hen that I've always been, I was awake before my alarm, calling her over and over again with no answer.

It was early, and I was exhausted, especially after seeing my first patient...(well, technically) lying in a casket because therapy did nothing for him.

The pain of depression had been too much for him, and with that at the forefront of my mind, I went from anger to worry pretty quickly.

What if she wasn't responding because she couldn't?

Should I call her parents?

And if I do and she's fine, will it just create unnecessary drama when she's doing so well?

So I did the only thing that I could think of...I called Rachel.

"Quinn! To what do I owe the pleasure?" She nearly screamed into the phone, sounding either guilty or startled.

"It's barely six. How are you so awake?"

"I've always been an early riser. What's going on?" Her voice still sounded wound up, and it was doing nothing to quell my anxiety.

"Have you seen Santana?"

There was a pause, some shuffling and the sound of a door closing all in the time between my question and her answer.

"No."

"Are you sure that you haven't seen or heard from her?" I asked, certain that her short answer, something that, I was positive up until this point, she didn't know how to do.

"Yes."

"Yes, meaning you've seen her or yes, meaning you're certain?" I asked, falling easily into my interrogation mode.

"What's this about? Do you think something happened to her?" Rachel asked...more shuffling...the creak of a door opening...some mumbling and then the door shutting again.

I was positive that she was lying to me.

"Rachel, she has never ignored my calls like this and I'm really starting to get worried. Do you think something happened? Should I call her parents?"

I knew that I sounded panicked, and I knew that Rachel would never let me twist in the wind...at least, she'd never done it before.

"I'll go check her apartment and stop by the bar. I'm sure that she's fine...just...don't call her parents, not yet." Rachel said, her voice going from flighty and distracted to very serious.

"Fine." I snapped before taking a breath and releasing it as slowly as I could. Rachel was in New York, and if she knew something, she wasn't telling, so I needed to at least cooperate with her for now. "Call me as soon as you know something, it doesn't matter what time. Okay?"

"Okay. I will try not to worry. Santana's tough. I'm sure she's going to be fine."

"Going to be?" I asked, and she gasped...

"I meant you know...if anything is wrong now that prevented her from getting to you in a timely fashion, I'm certain that she will overcome it. In the meantime, I'll be in touch. Have a good day, Quinn."

When I was about to argue with her, the line cut out, and I was left sitting there...twisting, but I swallowed back my fears.

I swallowed back my panic and tried to trust that Rachel wouldn't screw with me like this.

But Brittany had taught me that even those closest to you can turn on you when you least expect it.

Rachel was not Brittany...I had to trust and believe that until she proved otherwise.

SANTANA'S POV

"Okay, get up! I just had to lie for you, and I DO NOT have any intention of doing it again."

I reached for the first thing I could grab and threw it in the general direction of her voice.

She squealed, and then the covers were ripped from my body, taking my warmth with them.

Why, oh why, God, had I run into her last night?

"Go away!" I tried to yell but my throat was way too sore to do so. I buried my head into my pillow and was met with wetness instead of comfort. "The fuck?"

I opened my eyes and lifted my head; blood covered the pillowcase and, from the feel of it, my face.

"See what I mean! You need to get your shit together and get on that train. You don't need to be in this city another minute." Rachel nagged as she dangled a wet washcloth on my face. "Here, take this, you look horrendous."

I attempted to glare, but I'm sure it had no effect as I was covered in blood.

After a shower and some painkillers later, I was in my kitchen gulping down coffee as Rachel continued to bitch and moan about Quinn calling her this morning.

"She knew I was lying to her, she had that husky, deep judging sound to her voice."

"I love that voice, it gets me all hot and bothered." I murmured in between gulps.

"Well, you're not acting like it. I'm still in disbelief that I found you going into the alley! I was on my way here to bring something for Beth, and there you were, across the street from your place, about to get gang raped. I know I made that comment about you on a stripper pole ages ago, but I didn't mean it. You're so much better than this, Santana. I almost passed you by...I almost didn't see you. Thank heavens, I did."

"Yeah, yeah, thanks a bunch. Now, can you please let it go? I'm fine."

Her hand slapped down on the counter, and her glare was somewhat potent. Quinn would have been proud.

"No. Not until you tell me that you're finished with this spiral. Not until you get on that train with me and go to Philadelphia because we both know that being with Quinn right now is the best thing for you."

"I already said I'd go."

"You need to text her and tell her you're coming."

"I'll text her when I'm there, but...I don't have a phone."

"What happened to it?"

I shrugged and put down my empty cup. "Doesn't matter."

"You were fine when I saw you the other night. You were FINE. How did it come to this?"

She was shaking her head now, tears in her eyes as she finished packing my bag.

As much as she made me crazy, I was grateful for her pushing me to go to Philly. I was grateful for her grabbing me off of that corner before I lost everything. She'd been through enough, just like Quinn, and I couldn't hurt her anymore.

I walked over to her, put my hand on her shoulder and waited for her to look at me before I said anything.

Her big brown eyes looked so sad...almost as sad as the day she did that solo after Finn died, and knowing that I was making her feel some of those same feelings again actually made me feel SOMETHING for the first time in days.

"Rach, I'm done fucking up. Between Brittany and her mother...my divorce being put on hold, and the prospect of somehow getting everything I could want...everything that I don't deserve...I panicked. I'm sorry you had to see me like this and like you did last night."

She swallowed hard and nodded, more tears leaving her eyes.

"So you'll go to Philly?"

I nodded.

"I will."

"And you'll tell her?"

I shrugged, and her face dropped.

"In my own time...just...let me be the one to do it...okay?"

"Okay..."