Left Right Left (Charlie Puth)
QUINN'S POV
From the moment that I set foot on campus, I was pulled into three therapy sessions, one of which was my own.
Dr. Brynn, thankfully, didn't press me on too much. He chose to instead talk about suicide and how these things happen...how we can't hold ourselves accountable for patients who chose to end their lives.
I didn't agree, but I've learned that it's best to let people talk. This had been HIS patient...and in my eyes, HIS responsibility, but I wasn't going to start a debate with him.
If I'm ever going to be a great therapist, the first thing that I have to master is listening.
And frankly, it was disconcerting enough to keep me from venturing into my issues.
I took whatever notes I could but really, I just doodled and wrote out a pros and cons list of going to New York to find Santana myself.
By the time Dr. Brynn finished, it was just after noon, and I was anxious to get to my cubicle and check my phone.
I thanked him for the session, and he smiled gently at me; there was something that resembled pity in his eyes. I think he might have been projecting his sadness onto me because he told me to take the rest of the day off.
And because I had my own shit to deal with, I didn't protest like I normally would.
I grabbed my purse, turned off my computer and headed to the ladies' room because I couldn't wait another second to see if Rachel had been right and I was overreacting.
Once I was tucked into a stall, I finally checked my phone, and relief filled me immediately.
I had a voicemail from Rachel from two hours ago and a text message from Santana from only a few minutes ago.
"Quinn, it's Rachel. She was home. There didn't seem to be anything going on. By the time you get this message, she will probably already be with you. Try not to worry so much, it's bad for your health. Have a great time! Happy New Year."
She was lying. I'm still sure of that, but knowing that Santana is okay erases how much Rachel's lie bothered me. It was no longer important.
Hey, it's San. I'm getting off the train now. Can I meet you at work? Lunch?-UNKNOWN
She was here? Already?
Meet me at home. Is this a new number?-Quinn
Her response, thankfully, was immediate.
Yes. Save it. I'll explain in the cab. I'm already outside your building.-UNKNOWN
My heart was attempting to leap out of my chest cavity and into my throat, but I had to calm down. I couldn't freak out on her, not the way that I wanted to.
Okay, I'll be down in a second.-Quinn
I rested my head on the cool tile of the stall wall and did my best to keep my breathing under control, but I couldn't stop myself from wondering where the hell she'd been for two and a half days.
My panic attacks these days were few and far between; therapy and a short stint on homeopathic anxiety medicine had really helped me curve my split-second urge to slap someone.
Now, though, with Beth so far away and my mind creating increasingly dark scenarios, the panic was getting worse.
The door to the bathroom opened, and the chatter of a group of women served to distract me from my mini breakdown. Once they were in stalls, I emerged, my face red and my hair sticking up on one side.
I looked nuts.
Afraid that she'd disappear, I rushed to splash water on my face and brush my fingers through my hair. I said a mini prayer, something along the lines of God, help me and then I swallowed back the panic and surged forward.
I am Quinn Fabray. I have always been ENOUGH. Trust. Trust. Trust.
I'm not sure what I expected, but that confident, easy smile of hers wasn't one of them.
"Hey." I said as I made my way from the building to the curb.
She smiled and winked at me as she held the door to the cab open.
Once she shut the door, I watched her as she made her way around to the other side, and I knew right away that she had no clue that I was watching because she hesitated, her lips moving as she talked to herself. I wasn't the only one that had to give herself a pep talk.
Had Beth being around really kept us in line so much?
Despite her pep talk, once she was in the car, by my side, she was her normal self.
"Hey, back." She said when she was settled next to me, her eyes were lined a little darker than usual, and her lips were extra red as she smiled at me. This was not the face of someone who had been AWOL for a few days.
This was the face of someone who may have spent time in a spa...maybe that was what it was? I mean, she had gone from being a single bartender to hosting me and my hyperactive kid for nearly a week.
Maybe she needed the break, and she was ashamed to tell me.
Either way, I was so happy and distracted by her taking my hand into hers as the cab began to move.
How could I waste the alone time we had left together asking questions?
It's not like I could change anything...no...I was just going to enjoy this.
"Your time couldn't have been more perfect, I'm finished with work for the day, so I can actually spend some time with you."
Her smile was soft, as she stared at me...her eyes almost comically large as she seemed to be going over every feature of my face.
If I didn't know my face was so perfect, which I obviously am very confident about, I'd be self-conscious. Little Lucy would have cowered in a corner but Quinn...the boss bitch...Fabray just smiled wider.
Let her look.
Let her remember why it was a dumb idea to keep me twisting in the wind for two whole days.
"I've missed you." She finally said, her eyes trailing down my face and then right towards my chest before flicking back up again. "I'm going to enjoy every moment of this."
She squeezed my hand tighter and then leaned forward, closing the gap between us and kissing my lips.
It was like she hadn't missed a step.
We hadn't missed a step.
Her kisses were at the top of the list of what I had missed.
I wasn't two steps in the door when my phone rang unexpectedly.
"Where's your bathroom?" Santana asked once we were inside my apartment. I pointed towards my bedroom and then answered the phone.
It was Beth.
"Hey, Sweets."
"Mama Q! Hi! Are you at lunch?" She said excitedly.
"Actually, I just got home. What are you doing?"
"Titi and I just got our nails painted."
"Oh yeah? What color did you get?"
"Red."
"Oh wow...very grown up."
"I know! I'm a big girl."
"Oh, okay, big girl, just don't grow up too fast. Okay?"
"I'll try not to." She teased. "Where's Santana?"
"She's in the bathroom. Did you want to talk to her?"
"Yes, please!"
I cut through my bedroom and knocked on the closed bathroom door. The water was running, and I could hear Santana humming.
"Be out in a minute." She sniffed, and then the water went off. As soon as the door cracked open, I tried to hand her the phone, but she didn't take it. "Who is it?" She whispered.
"It's Beth." Her face got pale as she looked at my hand hanging in midair with the phone. She bit her lip and then shook her head. "I uh...can I talk to her later?"
"She's been asking for you, don't disappoint her." I teased but she didn't find it funny. I could tell in the way that she brushed her fingers through her hair and then shook out her hands before finally taking the phone without saying a word to me.
"Hey, Kiddo!" She said excitedly, in no reflection of that little insane moment that she had just had.
More questions popped up in my mind, but I just pushed them back.
A childhood spent hiding the darker things in my life and that of my family made pushing aside the growing list of questions almost second nature.
I didn't like it but for now...I was choosing to live with it.
Thank the sweet Lord for Beth; I'm not sure what she said, but her five-minute conversation with Santana flipped some switch.
Suddenly, Santana was relaxed and normal. She handed the phone back to me and smirked.
"She hung up and said she loves you."
"Oh. Well, how nice of her. Excuse my eyes rolling backward...it's involuntary."
"Yeah, sure it is...Don't be jealous, Q...kids tend to like me better than their parents. At least she said she loved you."
"Yes, at least there's that. So, what do you want for lunch?"
"You." She licked her lips, and I froze...now she was laying it on thick.
Just go with it, Quinn...Act Normal.
"Ha, I'm not food. Maybe we can do that later. For now, how about some real sustenance?"
This time, she rolled her eyes and then sat down on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. She bounced up and down on my mattress a little and then smirked at me.
"You sure you wouldn't rather just be my own personal buffet?" She held her hands out to me, and against my better judgment, I walked closer to her, moving to stand between her legs as she ran her hands over my hips and looked up at me...excitement and lust in her eyes. "You know you want it, Q...I left you hanging for days...let me make it up to you?"
"I don't know..." I trailed off. Why was I fighting something my body was desperately craving? My gut was telling me something was off, but she wasn't taking no for an answer, and I was okay with that. She rested her forehead against my stomach and moved her hands from my hips to my ass.
"Please? Can I have you?" I heard her murmur, more to my crotch than to me.
My hands dangled at my sides as she held me so close that I was pretty sure she could smell the effect that she was having on me.
It's really no surprise that I caved.
SANTANA'S POV
Distraction.
I'm not sure why I hesitated when she handed me the phone...actually, that's not true. I knew EXACTLY why I didn't want to talk to Beth at that moment, but it's over.
Rachel told me that if I was going to get away with having fun before I sent Quinn's whole opinion of me crashing down, then I needed to act normal.
The only problem is that right now, with her right in front of me, I'm having a problem figuring out what my newest normal is.
But sex...that is something I can do: deaf, mute, and blind.
With my head resting against her, I can feel my nose beginning to bleed, and I know that if she sees it...she'll be turned off.
So I can't let her.
Only, this is Quinn and she's just as assertive as I am...she's not Brittany and in this haze that I'm in today...I seemed to forget that.
She reached down and cupped my chin, pulling my head up so that I could look at her.
Our eyes met, and then she was looking at my nose...at the same time, I could feel the blood begin to drip. My heart began to race even more than it already was, and she just smirked.
Because apparently, a nosebleed when I'm trying to be sexy is funny.
"Shit."
"Well if that's not a sign that you need to eat something other than me, I don't know what is."
QUINN'S POV
The moment that I saw her face go pale as I lifted it, I knew that there was something terribly wrong that I was blatantly ignoring.
And to cement that fact, her nose began to bleed.
Either she was suffering from some spiral, or she was dying right in front of me.
Neither thing sounded like something I was prepared to deal with, but I couldn't ignore it.
So, instead, at that moment, I made it my mission to get her to be honest with me or kill her while trying.
I made a joke to kill the tension and she seemed relieved as she pulled away and wiped her nose with her sleeve.
"Attractive." I said, taking a step back to grab a tissue from the nightstand.
She stuck her tongue out and then snatched the tissue from my fingers.
"Thanks." She mumbled into the tissue as she cleaned her face. "I aim to please."
"Obviously."
"Okay, I feel gross. I'm going to clean myself up." She stood from the bed and began to walk away from me but then turned...a tissue pressed to her nose...one that was quickly becoming red. "Can we eat here?" She asked, probably worried that this would happen out in the world.
"Yeah...I'll go make us something. Get cleaned up, and then come keep me company. Alright?"
She saluted me, "You got it, Captain." She said with a chuckle before shutting herself back in the bathroom.
"Please, God...don't let it be cancer or something." I prayed as I stood over the counter. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle her being sick. I just...crap...Lord, please help us make the best of this week. I want her in my life so badly but if it's not time...please show me. Tell me..."
"Q?"
"Amen." I whispered before turning around to look at her.
She came to stand next to me, her shoulder rubbing suggestively against mine as she smiled at me.
"Were you talking to yourself?" She asked, her smile getting impossibly brighter.
"I was praying."
She nodded, looking impressed and surprised.
"I didn't know...I didn't think you still did that."
I fingered the cross around my neck... "Once a church girl, always a church girl."
"You say that like it's a bad thing." She said just before dropping a kiss on my shoulder. "I've always admired your faith, Q. You don't have to hide that from me. Ever."
I looked at her. Beyond the lipstick and makeup, I could see what I had glazed over before...the vacancy in her eyes, the way her cheeks were starting to sink in again and how her collarbone was much more prominent. It'd been two days...how could she have gotten to this point in such a short time?
And now she's talking about being transparent with me, and so I just decided to rip off the band-aid.
"Are you sick?"
She pulled away and looked at me in shock, her mouth dropping open slightly before she shook her head.
"No."
"What happened to your phone?" I asked, not really ready to let this go.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a shiny new phone.
One that looked like it was fresh out of the box.
"I...lost it. I haven't had time to pull all of my contacts from the cloud...I had to get your number from Rachel of all people."
"So that's why you were out of touch? Could you not find a phone in all of New York?"
I turned my body towards her, pressing my hip against the counter, trying my best to be casual.
But she looked skittish...she was definitely not telling me something and it seemed she was only going to answer what I asked and not offer any new information.
"Look..." She dropped her eyes...they were looking everywhere on my face and neck...just not my eyes. "I know that I left you hanging. It was a shitty thing to do and I'm sorry."
"Answer my question."
"Which one? You seem to be fucking full of them at the moment." She snapped, throwing her hands up in the air before slapping a hand over her mouth. When she pulled it away, she was biting her lip. "This is not how I wanted things to go. I fucked up...okay. I got a call from my lawyer and Whitney about the divorce at a really bad time."
"What happened with the divorce?"
"It's on hold...something about the alimony not being approved before I paid it and me being responsible for Britt's care...among other things. I was too ashamed to be around you, so I just didn't show."
"So what changed? Is the divorce still on hold?"
"Yes."
"Then what is it?"
"Rachel...she...convinced me that hiding from you was the worst thing I could do."
"You needed Rachel to tell you that? Do you not know me enough? Have we not been friends for years?"
"We have."
"So why the fuck did you just leave me in the lurch, Santana? Then you show up here like EVERYTHING is fine?" She looked like she was somewhere between tears and rage, maybe both, but I couldn't bring myself to a point where I could be calm or rational. I was pissed off.
"Should I just go?" She asked...looking even more jumpy and skittish than before.
"Maybe you should..." I began to say but she didn't give me a chance to finish before she picked up her bag from where she dropped it by the couch and stormed out of the apartment.
Because, of course, she did.
"Hi Quinn. I trust that Santana made it there safely?" Rachel said when I called her a few minutes later.
"Well she did but she just left."
"What do you mean she just left?" Rachel said, sounding really upset all of a sudden.
"Well, we had words, and she stormed out."
"Wow...that's not good. You need to get her back there."
"She's a tough girl, she'll be fine...I just wanted to know if she was being weird with you too."
"Weird?" Her voice got high-pitched, and I once again was aware of how badly Rachel Berry lies. "I don't know what you mean?"
I pulled out a bottle of wine from the fridge and began to pour it generously into a glass because I don't care who, but one of them was going to tell me what the hell was going on.
"Shady. Aloof. Skittish. Just like you're being right now. You two didn't sleep together, did you?" I joked, and she got quiet. "Rachel?" I began to panic.
"Well not in the biblical sense...not that lesbians are in the Bible...although Ruth and Naomi raised some questions...no, no. We did not have sex."
"Then what happened because you sounded upset that she was gone and I need to know why, right now!"
"It's not my story to tell." She said, her voice getting all calm and serene.
"I could slap you right now."
"I don't doubt it, but I've interfered enough in your budding relationship, and I need to keep my nose out of it."
"Fine. Do you have her new number?"
"I do."
"Can I have it?"
"Absolutely and Quinn...when you do get a hold of her...you need to meet her at her level. The Santana that would go back and forth with you is not the Santana that left New York this morning."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You'll see."
SANTANA'S POV
My first instinct was to find a way to get completely blitzed and forget this whole stupid idea of Rachel's to be open and transparent with Quinn.
But then...I couldn't bring myself to fuck it up.
I was so tired of being a fuck up.
So tired of what drugs were doing to my system and how much doing them made me feel isolated from my family, friends, mind and soul.
I should have just been honest, but instead, I was coy.
With Brittany, that shit would have worked, but this is Quinn.
Why do I have to keep reminding myself of that?
They were not the same.
I sat on her front steps and stared down at my phone screen...trying my best to distract myself with a game of Candy Crush...we both just needed to cool down.
My hands were shaking. I needed a fix...but I WOULD NOT give in.
How had I ended up like this?
A drop of blood fell on my screen, and I groaned, fuck my weak sinuses. I pulled out a wad of tissues that I had stolen from her bathroom and plugged up my nose.
I went to wipe the screen just as a call was coming in...I didn't want to answer but I had to because another minute on this step meant me searching for the very thing that I was trying to get away from.
This wasn't who I wanted to be.
I didn't want to disappoint her, but in trying to avoid it...it was happening anyway.
So I might as well be an honest, flawless bitch and not a fucking pussy.
This was Quinn.
She, of all people, should understand.
QUINN'S POV
Instead of answering my call, she'd just come back inside, her eyes looking sadder than I had ever seen them.
I hated it.
This was supposed to be our time.
But whatever was going on with her was ruining it before it began.
"Let's just have lunch. We don't have to talk about the heavy stuff. Just break bread with me, that's all I'm asking." I said as I stood halfway between the living room and the kitchen.
She looked down at her phone and then tossed it on the couch...nodding her head, and then followed me into my kitchen.
I tried not to stare at her as she slid into Beth's usual seat at the table.
But NOT staring at her has become incredibly hard for me.
We were so close to something real...at least, that's what I thought before I left New York, but now...God only knows.
When I put her BLT in front of her, she looked at it for a long moment before looking up at me with wild eyes and a grin.
"Really, Q? You had to have bacon?" She asked, trying to be light and so I threw caution to the wind.
"It's Turkey Bacon...try it. Beth is on this healthy food kick apparently, probably thanks to her uncle. She doesn't want any pork. I was almost tempted to disown her, but this bacon is actually good."
"If you say so." She smirked before picking up the sandwich and taking the smallest bite that she could manage.
"So...what do you think?" I asked as I watched her chew her invisible bite and then swallow.
She put the sandwich down and then put her hands down on the table.
"Can I just be honest about something?" She said, tipping her head a bit, her brow cinching up in concentration...I was terrified that the easy air we were going for was ruined, but I swallowed down my panic.
"Yes...of...course. Always."
Her serious face remained as she let out a sigh.
"It could use some cheese."
Once I got her some cheese, because she was serious about my amazing sandwich needing that alteration, she ate with vigor...as if to prove her point.
This felt easy...like it should be and because I've learned my lesson, I was almost prepared for what came next.
She took the plates and insisted that I finish the glass of wine that I had abandoned in the living room.
And so I did.
I attempted to watch something mindless on TV, but I couldn't stop staring at the back of her head as she washed my dishes by hand instead of just shoving them in the dishwasher like I would have done.
I sipped greedily at my wine and averted my eyes the moment I heard the water turn off.
But she knew I'd been watching her...why wouldn't she?
"So you're watching the Kardashians now?"
"Um, yeah, really into it."
"Since when? Isn't it crazy what Scott did to Kourtney?"
I looked away from the screen and up at her as she entered the room.
"Scott...Kourtney?" I asked, not sure who the hell they were.
She nodded.
"I thought so. If you are going to use the television to make yourself seem nonchalant about all of this, at least pick something that YOU would normally watch and not me."
"Duly noted."
She dug into her pocket and then handed me a tiny plastic vial before sitting down across from me on my recliner. I closed my hand into a fist because I, too, was afraid to look into my hand as I watched her hunch forward and stare at my closed hand.
"That is the wall between us and...I need to knock it down right now before it's too late." She said, her eyes still looking at my hand.
I finally relaxed my fingers and saw the remnants of white powder in the vial.
Was that what I thought...it couldn't be...could it?
"Tell me you're joking with me." I chuckled dryly, not quite sure how to take this.
Our eyes finally met, and I could see that hers were clear...meaning that she wasn't on it right now. At least not from what I could tell because fuck if I know what the symptoms are.
"I'm not...that's why...earlier...with Beth."
My heart plummeted. The phone call.
"You'd just..." I took the vial and hurled it straight at her. It was small and light, but the impact of it against her shoulder seemed to be as hard as a brick because it looked like it caused her physical pain. Her face got pale, and she dropped her head.
"I'm sorry, Q...I feel terrible about it."
"No. Stop." I said, feeling...rage...sadness, but mainly, more than anything, disappointment in myself. "I should have known better. At least now...we can...I can stop this before it gets serious."
"Yes, exactly, I want to stop this drug thing before I get addicted. Before it gets more serious." She rambled, looking hopeful but I just felt a sinking hole in my stomach.
"No. Santana. I meant us." I said, standing to my feet, needing to be bigger and stronger than her at that moment...which probably wasn't hard to do. I watched her eyes get glassy; tears were coming, but she seemed to be holding them back as she stared at me. The vial had landed just in front of my feet and so I picked it up, holding it out to her. "You shouldn't have brought this here. Moreover, you had the balls to do it in my bathroom. And then...then...Beth." My voice went from assertive to meek pretty quickly, but I had to finish my statement. "As your friend, I'm not giving up on you, Santana, but that's it. Right now...we can't be more than friends."
She nodded finally and stood to her feet, moving to grab her bag...to leave, I guess, but that's not how this was going to go.
"I'll go." She said before leaning over to grab the bag, but I put my hand on her shoulder, the same one the vial hit and stopped her.
"No. You are going to stay here, just like we planned. That way I can help you through this...that way I won't go crazy wondering where you are. Stay."
"Q, you just said we were done, at least let me go lick my wounds." She said, looking like tears were choking the life out of her.
"And I'll give you your space...stay here. Please?" I begged and despite herself, she finally relented.
"Okay."
It should have been awkward, but I worked like hell to keep it from becoming torture. Instead of staying in and having sex, I took her out shopping with me to get a gift for Beth's teacher. She seemed relieved not to be stuck in the house with my judgment.
And while I tried to play it cool, I was way too upset about this turn of events to be casual for long.
"So, you're just going to send her back to school with a Christmas gift, after the fact?"
"Pretty much...what do you think of this scarf?" I asked, modeling the nicest scarf that I could find.
"Boring." She said from behind a rack a few feet away. "You know, if I were a teacher...one that had to deal with a bunch of brats all day, I'd want something more adult, like booze."
I rolled my eyes and moved to a hat rack.
"It's a Christian Academy...I will not give her teacher alcohol, Santana."
She threw her hands up and huffed.
"Then I'm all out of ideas."
"Come on...you've got to have something left in that brain of yours." I snickered mindlessly. I was met with silence, and then my words replayed to me. A few people were staring at us, and when I looked over at Santana, she had her head bowed, and her cheeks were flush with embarrassment. "Shit, San..."
She looked up at me, her face in a mask of sweetness that I knew for a fact wasn't real. "It's fine...I deserved it. I went on a drug binge...I lied to you. Shit...I sold my phone for coke...go ahead. Give me shit about that too."
She was staring me down now, and I just froze.
"I didn't mean it like that." Great...that's all I could come up with?
"Right. Look, buy the old bat a gift card to an expensive restaurant that she couldn't normally afford to go to on her own, like the Chocolate Place." She said before pulling a few pairs of jeans from the rack and sauntering off to the fitting rooms.
"See...that's what I meant." I grumbled...feeling a range of emotions...namely...annoyance.
But like I had suspected, she had a great idea.
Beth would totally love to give her teacher a gift from her favorite restaurant.
SANTANA'S POV
I know that I'm being overly sensitive.
I know that I deserve every barb she tosses my way.
But what I don't need is her calling me out in public.
She has no idea what it takes to be honest about something so big.
Never in my life have I been so upfront with a person, and when I finally am, this is the reception I get.
Why couldn't she just let me fucking leave? That would have been less painful than this.
I walked on eggshells for Brittany and then her mother. I DO NOT want to do it again...especially not with Quinn, who was supposed to be my safe place.
When I left the dressing room, I expected her to be lingering, ready to hurl some more painful words at me, but the store was empty, with the exception of the cashier.
Okay then.
I put the jeans on the counter and pulled out my wallet, trying to focus on this task and not Quinn's sudden disappearance.
Trying not to think about how leaving me alone was just as bad as hovering over me.
Then I opened my wallet to pull out my credit card, and I saw a little plastic bag...a fresh one full of the best stuff I could buy.
My irritation vanished as I practically drooled over it.
"Miss?" The cashier said, waving a hand in front of me. My eyes snapped up to him and how he was as irritated as I had been a few seconds ago.
"Sorry." I said... "How much?"
"$306.95."
"For two pairs of jeans?" I said, looking down at the baggie again.
The cashier sighed.
"Are you going to buy them or not?"
"Not. Thanks." I said, closing my wallet, too distracted to even remark on his attitude.
I left the jeans there and made my way to the exit.
Ready to erase the last few hours, but then there she stood.
Just outside the door, her phone pressed to her ear as she smiled.
It must be Beth...
God, what the hell am I thinking...what was the point of being honest with her so that I could get myself together...only to crumble at the sight of it.
Maybe I wasn't as ahead of this thing as I had thought.
I stepped out of the store, and she smiled brightly at me; that's when I knew I had to stop for good.
"Okay, sweets, I'll get it today. I love you!" She said, all chipper-like.
I liked seeing her like this.
Being a mom suited her more than I could have ever imagined.
Seeing Quinn care so genuinely about another person, time and time again, proved just how much of an actress the girl can be when necessary. It seemed that she was constantly pushing aside the bullshit in her life in order to be the person that everyone needed her to be.
Her mastery of compartmentalization would probably save my life if I knew how to divorce my feelings...better than I divorced my wife.
Because obviously...I'm not very good at that.
When we got back to the house, it was late, and Quinn seemed stuck in her own thoughts.
No longer was she trying to pretend that our talk earlier didn't happen.
Instead, it seemed that she was just trying to go about life normally...or as much as can be expected when that kind of bomb is dropped.
She was compartmentalizing like a motherfucker.
And after seeing her come out of the bathroom, fully showered and changed, her glasses perched on her nose and her hair in rollers.
Looking very much like Judy, I couldn't hold back anymore.
"I've got more in my wallet. I forgot about it, and I really don't want to be left here tomorrow with it. Can I...give it to you?" I asked from the end of her bed with my wallet in my hands.
She gave me one of those tight, pitying smiles, but when she stuck her hand out, it didn't seem like it was a pity she was feeling.
"Yes and you know what...as someone who has been right where you are. Feeling what you are feeling...I am so proud of you."
"I'm still trusting you with my life, Q."
She raised her eyebrow, and I didn't drop my eyes; instead, I looked at her. "I'm trusting you to know when I can handle more. Please, still be my best friend. I don't think I can take another loss right now."
She'd been frigid after I snapped at her, but I could see in her eyes that she planned to rise to the occasion.
When she pulled me into a tight hug, and pressed a kiss to my shoulder, I could feel the beginning of a breakdown and began to pull away.
That was enough to ignite that bit of dominance in her because she gripped me tighter. "Trust me. We both need this."
"Okay." I said, "I trust you."
"Good. We will take it moment by moment, one step at a time. You giving me this, proves to me that this is just a setback, and together we can get through this."
"Thank you, God." I sighed, feeling like, for the first time in way too long, I was being seen as I was and being loved anyway.