Forget About What I Said (The Killers)
SANTANA'S POV
I had stripped down and basically threw myself at Quinn, but then she glanced around the living room before looking back at me.
"I bought something else today." She said, and while I was intrigued, I really needed to get these fucking clamps off.
"What...what did you buy?"
She was smirking as she slid her hand into mine and pulled me back towards the bedroom.
"San?"
"Yes?"
"We're going to do things differently tonight."
"What do you mean?"
"Sit." She said, pointing to the bed. I sat down, feeling the plug shift delightfully. I bit my lip to hide my reaction, but her smirk told me that she knew exactly what was happening. "Good girl." She said, and I groaned.
Fuck! What was she doing to me?
I watched her go to her closet and pull out another black bag from the sex shop.
She blushed as she pulled out a big dildo from the bag, still in its plastic.
"I don't think I can take that." I whined, and she smirked.
"Well luckily it's for me. Isn't it funny that I can take more than you can considering you have slept with more men than me."
"Yeah, but you slept with Finn...multiple times. He was huge. After we had sex, I couldn't sit right for a week."
She was distracting me from my painful pleasure as she took it into the bathroom.
I listened as she cleaned it, and then she brought it back out with some shorts.
When she pulled me to my feet and slid those shorts up my legs, making sure that the insert slid into me, I groaned.
"You like that, Princess? Do you like how I thought of you even in this?"
"Yes, Reina." She smirked and then positioned that heavy dildo in the front of the shorts.
What had she learned in college? High school Quinn would have been too prudish to try something like this, but this version of Q was acting like an expert.
It was hot, and I couldn't stop staring at her.
"Are you sure, Q?" I asked as I rubbed the top of her head. It was weird that she was on her knees. I think I liked her above me more, but I wasn't going to complain.
She kissed the tip and then was back on her feet. "I'm sure. I've never had an orgasm with phallic penetration. A few have tried and nearly gotten me there, but it's never worked. You've been giving me all of yourself these last two days, and now it's time for you to get something from me."
Lord knows why this girl wanted something so big, but as I slid into her and she made the sexiest noises, I knew that I wanted to do this as much as possible for as long as she'd let me.
"Faster." She demanded almost immediately, but I didn't obey.
"While I'm fucking you, Q, all you need to do is let go and enjoy it." I stroked into her, enjoying the feeling of being completely full as I got closer to my orgasm.
Her fingers traced up my abs, and then finally, she unclamped my nipples and the blood rushing to them made me lightheaded as I fucked her just a little harder.
I teased her clit as I kept stroking into her and watched her body attempt to arch, but then she cringed in pain. "Shit."
With that, I pulled out of her and slid to my feet, pulling her with me and then flipping her until she was hanging over the edge.
"Look up." I whispered to her, waiting until our eyes met in the mirror before sliding back into her. I held her against me, so she couldn't arch her back again and then began to fuck her.
Q got off on watching herself. That was evident when she started moaning louder as I worked her clit.
"Fuck! I'm close...oh God! Yes! Yes! Yes!" She shuddered in my arms, but I didn't stop.
"You can do better than that, Reina, open your eyes and watch."
There were tears in her eyes as I fucked her through another orgasm before pulling out.
"Thank you." She said with a whimper.
"You want more?"
"No. Just...fuck...can you hold me?"
"Let me take this off first."
"No. I want to ride you in a bit, just hold me for now."
Who was this sex pot?
QUINN'S POV
Like the night before, we fucked until both our bodies were spent.
We changed the sheets, took separate showers, and then made our way back to bed.
Before I could climb in, I heard the clink of the belt and turned sharply towards her.
"What are you doing, San?"
"I need you to put me in my place before we go to bed. We both got off, but I still fucked up, and I can't go to bed without refreshing that spanking."
"But we just changed the sheets, and even though it's not supposed to be sexual, you are dripping after a spanking."
"Maybe the living room then?" She looked so vulnerable. How could I turn her down?
"Then bring your towel, and come bend over the couch."
She suddenly looked nervous. "Do you have the energy to spank me?"
"I can rally. It won't be a major one, just enough to keep you in line."
"Thanks Q."
"Of course, Princess, for you, I can do anything."
"It doesn't have to be a long one, something quick with some impact. Okay?"
"How's five sound?"
"Five is perfect, Q." I said as I followed her into the living room.
She laid my towel over the arm of the couch and then I waited for her to lay on top of it.
Tears rushed to my eyes when I saw the bruising on her ass, and I knew immediately that I wasn't going to put my all into this.
She yelped after the first strike, whimpered after the second, and broke into sobs on the third.
I was in charge, and three was enough.
"You did great, Princess. All done."
"I have t-two more." She said, but I could tell she was cringing at the thought.
"No. You're at a limit. I can see it. So, let's get some creme on your butt and go sleep."
She stood-up tentatively like she was expecting this to be a test, but it definitely wasn't.
"Thank you, Q. You're right...it hurts a lot."
"I love you, Santana. I'm going to always try to see your limits. I can't ask you to be my helpmeet and not be yours too."
How the fuck did I get so lucky?
"I love you too, goober. Now take me to bed."
"Gladly."
After such a long day, it felt good to be domestic as we brushed our teeth together a while later.
She grabbed a brush and handed it to me. "Can you brush some oil through my hair, Q? It's feeling a bit dry."
"Sure love."
"Do you need to sit down, Q? How's your back?"
"I'm about to lay down for the night, I can stand a bit longer."
"Okay, if you're sure."
"I am. So, tell me about your walk with your dad."
"It wasn't a deep talk, just him talking to me about priorities and my goals for the year."
"Which are?"
"Getting divorced is a priority, staying clean, and bonding with you and Beth."
"Those are good goals."
"Do you have any?"
"Of course I do. I'd like to teach a class, keep Beth happy and healthy, and continue to fall in love with you."
"I like that."
"I knew you would."
"Thanks for everything, Q. I know this can't be easy for you."
"It's not but for you, I don't mind. It feels like a privilege."
It felt like the moment that her body hit the bed, she was dead to the world, and it took a while, but I fell asleep soon after.
The stress she'd been carrying seemed to release itself, and I was so grateful.
Thank you, God.
SANTANA'S POV
I woke up to the sun shining into the room, feeling so rested but also insanely horny.
As I watched her sleep, I could feel myself getting wetter.
I'd noticed that she was letting out little breathy moans every few minutes, and after about five of them, I felt like I was climbing the walls. I was so turned on.
I closed my eyes and listened to her moans and couldn't help but slip my hand into my panties, needing some relief.
My pussy ached...she'd been so out of character the last few nights, fucking me with everything that she had, and as I touched myself, all I could think about was how well she'd been fucking me.
I was in love with everything she did and how she'd touched me with equal parts roughness and softness.
I moved my fingers through my wetness, grazing my sore clit and pushed two fingers inside of myself...biting down on my lips to keep from letting out a moan.
Q whimpered as she curled up next to me, and that had me pumping my fingers faster, mashing my palm against my clit, thinking of her fingers, her tongue, and her teeth as I brought myself to the edge.
"San." She whispered, and my head snapped to the side. Her eyes met mine, and I stopped...she looked at me with a smile, scooted closer and put her hand over mine. "Don't stop..."
I moved my hand, and she began to nibble on my ear.
"Fuck!" I groaned as I grew frustrated...not quite able to finish what I started, too distracted by her fucking biting and rubbing up against me.
"Aww, Princess, did I distract you?" She chuckled.
"Yes! Shit, Q." I grumbled. "You have always fucking distracted me!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes, you're such a fucking tease." I grumbled, and she let out a bark of laughter.
"You ain't seen nothing yet, Princess."
Her hand nudged mine aside, and I moved it. Seconds later, she was straddling me as she pushed her fingers inside of me.
"You're so wet...wow." She said, laying her body against mine, trapping her arm between us, her fingers still pumping and pushing me closer to the edge. "You just can't let my fingers go...what a greedy girl you are." She growled, and I began humping her hand, driving it deeper.
"Yes! Fuck." I gripped her hair and brought her lips to mine, kissing her hard before sucking her bottom lip between my teeth and nibbling.
"Look at you, Princess, taking everything I give you so well.
She pushed down harder against my clit.
"Shit." I groaned...trying like hell to regain control over myself.
And she just kept being so fucking sexy.
"I want to fuck you so bad, Princess...if my back was strong enough, I'd drive you into the wall...the floor. Every fucking place in this room would be tainted."
I was panting now as she pushed me closer to the edge. Her eyes were watching me as I came apart with her touch.
I saw stars behind my eyes as I lost all forms of speech when she added the last finger, pushing into me until her fist moved past my pelvic bone.
Her eyes lit up as I gripped onto whatever I could grab as she fucked me into the sheets.
I threw my head back and absorbed the pain and pleasure of her relentless movements.
And right then...I vowed to myself as she topped me for the third day in a row that this would NOT become a habit.
QUINN'S POV
She was thrashing, sweating, and cursing my every movement...so much so that I could have sworn she wanted me to stop, but she kept pushing back against my hand...kept begging me to keep going, and so I did, no matter how much my hand hurt.
I slowed down, needing her just as badly as she needed me.
Being in control is all giving, and as I've previously said, I'm selfish.
So I sat up, keeping a hand on her shoulder as I used the other to fuck her.
"Touch me, please?" I asked her...as I stilled my hand. She whined but let go of the sheets and moved her hand between my legs...it was an awkward angle, but the moment her fingers were inside of me...I didn't care. "Yes! Like that...harder...I'm not fragile. Harder, Santana."
She stared at me in awe but acquiesced as we ground against each other, working to make the other cum.
I felt so close to her right then as I hovered over her...our breaths coming out shallow as she smiled to herself.
She mumbled something, but I didn't hear her at first.
"What?" I asked, and she smiled even wider as her fingers slipped out of me and moved to my clit...she squeezed it, and I lost my breath.
"Cum with me...please?" She begged, and I gave in.
Her body squeezed me tight, nearly breaking my wrist as she came undone.
"YES!"
"Oh GOD! How are you...shit!" She screamed as I rubbed against that bump inside of her, knocking that smile off of her face as she gushed around me...somehow becoming impossibly slicker. "Fuck, QUINN!"
We fell asleep wrapped around each other, our bodies spent.
My mind was still cycling through everything that I needed to say to her, knowing that we couldn't get sidetracked again without settling some things.
I had to have some willpower...even if all I wanted to do was make up for all of our lost time.
But her body was still restless...still craving...it's what kept her awake earlier.
Even now, as I drift somewhere between wakefulness and sleeping, I can feel the tremors in her body.
I snuggled closer and wrapped my arm around her, absorbing some of the shaking, hoping to keep her needing to be clean at the forefront of my mind.
We had to do a little work before we could play like this again.
I've seen her slightly shaking all day...each time I chose to kiss her or smile at her, trying to keep her mind away from the drugs that her body loved more than it loved me.
For now, that is.
I was addicted to this feeling of being this close to her, touching her, breathing her and I was going to fight like hell to keep her.
I wanted all of her.
Thankfully, we'd have a few more days to explore each other, even though I knew we'd need to do more than have sex if we were really doing a test run.
We were both good at sex, but relationships were more than that.
She was just so fucking irresistible.
So when I couldn't take another hour of her body shaking for drugs while I lay there watching, I knew I had to exhaust her as much as I could.
SANTANA'S POV
She woke me up this time with a wicked smile on her face.
"What's that grin about, Q?"
"Guess what?"
"What?"
"My back feels good, I want to take advantage of that, bend over the bed Princess."
I groaned as I slipped from the bed and stretched while she put on her new strap-on. I clenched when I saw her pull out the plug as well.
"Fuck, Q." I whispered when she came towards me, ready to fill me up and fuck me back to sleep.
"Bend over, Princess."
I bent over and then watched her work. The mirror was quickly becoming my primary view during our sex since she liked this position so much.
She slapped my ass, and I yelped. "Fuck!"
"Your craving, so I'm going to give you something else to focus on. Now beg for it, Princess."
"Beg?" I asked, and she slapped my ass again. "Fuck. Please, Reina, please fuck me. Please give me what you know I need. Please use me. I trust you." I said and watched the love in her eyes.
First, she pushed the plug in, and I had to grip the sheets to keep from crying out.
"Don't keep your moans in, Santana." She said with another slap to my ass. Once it was in, I rested on the bed, panting from the pressure.
"Oh God, oh God."
"Are you ready for me, Princess?"
"Yes! Please, Reina, please." I said, feeling so overcome with anticipation, and then she pushed it all in, and I didn't hold back my cry this time.
"Ay! Fuck, what are you doing to me?" I asked her, and she looked me in the eyes, her face in that old cheer captain mask.
"Giving you what you need, Princess." She gripped my hips and yanked them back and forth, using me to get herself off.
And I never came so hard in my life.
She left me there, feeling exhausted and came back for me a while later, with a hairbrush.
When I went to push myself up, she pressed her hand to my lower back.
"Q? What are you doing?"
"Just five of these, then we're going to take a bath, before getting a few more hours of sleep. It's early still."
"Okay, Q. I trust you." I said just before she took my breath away.
I still had the plug in, so when she hit me this time, I felt it deep in my belly.
When I didn't make a sound after five, she asked me. "More, Princess?"
"Yes."
So she went off script and spanked me until I cried out, then she tossed it to the side. "Let's go get clean."
I'd been having the best sleep, I felt refreshed and comfortable against Quinn but then my phone rang three times in succession, and I wiggled from the bed.
"Where you going, Princess?" Q mumbled. "Did I not wear you out enough?"
"Oh trust me, Q. I'm exhausted."
"Then why aren't we cuddling?"
"My phone won't stop ringing. I'm awake now. So, rest up, my love. I have to take this call. I'm going to make breakfast. Are you hungry?"
"Yes, can I sleep a little longer?"
"Of course."
I went to leave her, and she gripped my hand until I was looking into her eyes.
"I'm trusting you to keep your word."
"Thank you, Q. You can trust me, and if I feel like I'm going off the deep end, I'll come to you. I promise."
"Good. Come here, Princess."
I straddled her waist and kissed her lips while she gripped my ass again. I hissed as I rocked against her stomach. "You're insatiable." I muttered.
"And you're dripping. Go take your call, we can play more after breakfast."
"Promise?"
"I promise. Now go."
I headed to the bathroom with my phone, feeling sexier than ever and so very loved.
Then Brittany had to go and ruin it.
"I'm not sure what you want from me but I'm pretty sure I have nothing left to give you."
"You said that you loved me more than anyone in the world."
"At some point, I did."
"But now you don't?"
"Now I don't."
"You love her more."
"Yes, B, I love her more."
"How can you say that so easily? Did I mean nothing to you?"
"None of this has been easy, B. You know that you meant the world to me."
"Where did we go so wrong?"
I sighed and waited for a full beat before answering because I'm really trying not to be an asshole these days.
"Do you really want me to answer that, Britt?"
"It's just not right. You promised to love me forever." She said, ignoring my question.
"...and...I always will."
"How can I believe anything that you say anymore, Santana?"
"Because I've never lied to you, Brittany..."
"Well that's a lie."
"Okay...well I've never lied to you about how I feel about you, does that make you feel better?"
"Fuck you, Santana."
"Cursing at me is unnecessary...I always thought that if we got to this point, our friendship would keep us from being petty."
"Yeah, well, tough shit. I'm beyond feeling sentimental about our friendship. It's dead...as dead as I should be.
"Britt...don't talk like that."
"Why not? It's true...I SHOULD BE dead."
"Come on, B...you're alive for a reason and as far as the divorce, we can work it out without becoming bitter and hateful, I'm willing if you are."
"No. I tried to be fair, to be nice to you but you've left me no choice, I hope you know that."
"No choice?"
I sat on the toilet...staring straight into the darkness...not sure why I hadn't bothered to turn the fucking light on.
Why did I leave the comfort of Quinn to entertain this phone call?
Quinn was right. Brittany knew how to get my attention and keep me on the hook. That shit needed to end.
It was just hard to do on my own.
The door creaked open, and then I was momentarily blinded by the light as I sat there listening to Brittany cry into my ear.
Quinn looked at me sleepily and smiled.
"I thought you'd be in the kitchen. Should I go to the other bathroom?" She mumbled, but Brittany has amazing fucking hearing, and I should have muted the phone when I saw Quinn, but I didn't think it would be bad.
Only it was.
"You're still in Philly?! You just couldn't wait to get rid of me. She can't give you what I can, Santana. You belong to me. How could you do this to me?" Brittany wailed into my ear, and I had to hold it away to save myself a trip to the audiologist. My God, the girl has a set of pipes.
"I might be awhile." I said, and she pouted but nodded. She knew it was Brittany...she accepted that this was a part of my current baggage, and instead of making me feel bad about it, she just left me there...without so much of a complaint.
Or maybe that comes later?
I was tired just thinking about it.
So much for the bliss that should have come from filing for divorce and going after Quinn.
This should be easier.
"Why couldn't you just be everything that you promised?" She said with a whimper and a sniff.
"Why couldn't you, B? I'm not the only one who messed up. In fact, I'm not the one that sexually assaulted another person. That wasn't me, was it?"
I was met with silence and then more sniffles.
"I wish I could take that stuff back."
I rolled my eyes and stood up finally, not realizing how long I had been sitting until the soreness in my thighs nearly had me groaning.
But I maintained my composure; the pinpricks signaling the blood flowing back to my legs made walking to the sink nearly impossible.
So I just stood there and watched the water swirl in the toilet as Brittany lamented over our failed marriage.
"I just want to go back in time. Why can't we just forget about everything and start over? Just forget it all?"
She was a million different emotions at once, and I swear that I am not emotionally stable enough for it.
I just wanted to be back in bed, curled around Quinn, enjoying our alone time...but instead, I had to put up with Brittany's bullshit.
"What's this really about, B? Tell me why I'm going to be sorry for the divorce, because that's the agenda you called me with."
"We had a prenup."
"So."
"How did I not know that I signed a prenuptial agreement?"
"I slipped it in with our list of wedding fees. I mentioned it in jest, and you shrugged, kissed me and then went back to figuring out where the lights should go in the barn." I was mentally kicking myself...how did I not think this would come up?
"And you didn't think to maybe talk to me about it first?" She said, her voice becoming a bit louder.
"Brittany, it was a fair agreement...I wouldn't have cheated you like that."
"If it was fair then you wouldn't have been sneaky about it. I went to your lawyers office, and HE told me. Not you or your fucking parents but your lawyer."
And someone is fired.
"Again, what's your point?"
She let out a yell, and I, for a moment, got a sick enjoyment from pissing her off.
My, my, how our tables have turned.
"The fidelity clause. I didn't get it, but he explained it to me and since you were unfaithful, you owe me your trust fund and those embryos."
"Fuck you, I don't owe you a motherfucking penny." I snarled.
"You kissed her!"
"You raped her! Twice, Brittany! Which thing do you think the court will frown upon? Don't be stupid. Sign the fucking papers."
She got silent, and then the sobbing started again.
"You...I'm not STUPID, Santana! Did you lie about that too?"
"What the fuck, man. Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just let me go, Brittany?"
"Because you fucking BELONG to me!" She screamed so loud that I was rendered speechless...it was so out of character for her to scream like that, and I didn't know what to do.
"Brittany, calm down."
"NO! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!"
"Then I'm hanging up."
"FUCK YOU." She said, her voice eerily calm before she hung up.
QUINN'S POV
"So if you were unfaithful, you have to sign over your trust fund?"
"Well...yes. Only, I can't touch the thing until I'm 25 unless it's for school. So I'm not sure how that would work but I'll be damned if she takes all that money."
"How much is it?"
"I'd rather not say."
"Santana, come on...how much could it be?"
"My mother doesn't even know how much is in there. It was Anthony's and Mami thinks that Papi dissolved it after his death, but he let it grow and then he rolled it into mine...it's a lot of money. Last I checked there was seven figures in there."
"You're kidding?!"
"Nope. Now you see why I can't let her have it."
"Does Brittany really stand any chance of ending up with it?"
"Only if she can prove that I was unfaithful to her."
"But you weren't."
"That's what I said."
"She...she raped me."
"I know, Q."
"Do you want me to tell the judge about it?"
"No. I don't want you traumatizing yourself for my benefit. She is trying to keep me on the hook."
I searched her eyes and then dared to ask her the one thing I hadn't brought up. It'd been a lot to process when she'd been on the phone with Whitney, but now I needed to know.
"Would you really destroy your embryos?"
"There are only three. I really don't want her to touch them. I can't have her raising my kid and teaching them to hate me."
"She can't have them."
"I know, it might come down to me just giving her money, so she'll relinquish her rights to them."
"Then maybe you should. If that doesn't work, I'll testify."
We were having lunch on the floor of the living room, each with a glass of wine, while she told me just what the hell her conversation with Brittany had been about.
From the sounds of it...the only way to guarantee that nut job doesn't steal every cent of Santana's future would be if I came forward.
Only...I wasn't sure that I was as ready as I would have liked to be.
And now she's looking at me like she's about to ask me to do just what I had offered, and I feel stuck.
I mean...would I be able to do it?
"You don't have to do that, Q...we can find another way. That would be an ultimate last resort, okay."
I wanted to sigh in relief, but just 24 hours ago, she'd admitted to me that stress from Brittany had caused her relapse.
And now there was more stress.
"Okay."
She smiled at me and then took a sip of her wine...staining her lips and making me want to crawl towards her and ravish her.
What is my deal?
"No more talk of Brittany, its stealing precious time from us. Agreed?"
"Well, duh. There's no argument from me." I said, finally giving in to my urges and making my way to her. I climbed over her outstretched legs and sat on her thighs...happy that we had agreed not to talk about her ex-wife.
Besides, we had more important things to discuss.
"So, we've had amazing sex, and while I've enjoyed having my way with your body."
"Same here."
"Beth will be home in a few days, and I think we have two choices on how things go since you staying in my room when she's home isn't going to happen."
"It's not? She knows we are together, Q."
"I get that, but I want her to understand how relationships should be serious. I want her to understand courtship."
"That's archaic."
"I know it is, but it's what I'm comfortable with."
"Okay, I respect that."
"Thank you."
"So two choices?"
"You can stay on the couch, or you can go back home with your parents until it's time to move into your dorm."
"Word, Q? You want me to go back to Lima after you just told my mother that I shouldn't be near Britt?"
"It's not ideal, but it could be good to close things out in your marriage before we get serious."
"What happened to the test run?"
"I told you that it went out the window when you had a taste."
"I wore a plug in my ass and nipple clamps, Q. I wouldn't do that for someone I'm not serious about."
"Are you mad?"
"No. I'm not mad."
"Good."
SANTANA'S POV
"Where's Quinn? I thought she'd be here." Mami said as she wiped down everything in my dorm room while Papi sat talking to my roommate and her parents.
"You saw her yesterday, remember? You're not even 50 yet, Mami, is your memory going already?"
She turned around sternly, and I cringed.
"We visited you and had that amazing dinner, and then you showed up in Lima a few days later and didn't come back here until we brought you. Not once did you say anything about things with Quinn falling apart."
"Exactly, because they haven't. I just missed you and Papi. That's why I went back to Lima."
"Last night, when we went to her place for dinner, you were so detached from each other."
"I know. Beth is home, we needed to pump the brakes."
"Will you date now that you're in such close proximity?"
"Maybe."
"Mari lay off of her." Papi said, and Mami deflated.
"Look, I know you both love her almost as much as I do. Her birthday is next week. Maybe I'll take her out."
"But what happened?" Mami asked again.
"I'm still married. I had a taste. It's whatever, okay; she has to protect her peace, her home, and her kid. I respect that."
"But you don't like it." Papi added.
"Of course, I don't, but you know what? I have to respect her boundaries. I know what that's like when someone doesn't give a shit about what you want. I had that with Britt, and I don't want to do the same thing to Quinn."
I did my best to reassure my parents that things with Quinn would be okay, even though I didn't believe it myself.
Choosing to leave her place in the middle of the night and get on a train to Lima had been my decision.
At least I had woken her up and told her that I was leaving.
And even though she cried, not once did she beg me to stay.
She just made me promise I would stay sober and that I wouldn't go back to Brittany.
I did one of those things.
No, Brittany.
What I did when it came to being sober wasn't her fucking business.
End of story.
FEBRUARY
Between moving into my dorm, starting classes, and meeting the worst friends, I began school on the wrong foot.
I never saw Quinn for her birthday. Instead, I experienced my first and only overdose.
I stood outside her house a few days before Valentine's because Beth had asked me to join them for dinner. I had been out of the hospital for three days.
Carla had been the one to find me slumped over in the studio, and I had begged her not to call my family or Quinn; that's when she told me that, as a teenager, she'd used drugs as well.
She'd been sober for 18 years, and if I needed her help, she'd guide me towards getting clean.
I spent four days in detox at the hospital, and when I came back out, I had a few messages from Quinn asking me to visit.
Things had been cold between us since early January. I had asked her to give me space while I got settled in school, and she'd done it.
Now, I was going to show up for her, just like I did at Christmas.
When I knocked on the door, Beth answered and hugged my legs for five straight minutes.
Tears were in my eyes when I saw that the whole place was decorated.
And when Quinn came into the living room in a gorgeous dress, all the feelings I had been trying to suppress came rushing back.
From that moment on, I knew I had to be better.
It was like Valentine's Day un-paused our relationship because, from that day on, I was there every other day for dinner and study sessions with Quinn and Beth.
The sex didn't start up at first; it took a few weeks, but once it started, Quinn was showing me just how much she'd missed me.
Not once did she ask about the drugs.
Maybe she thought I had everything under control.
She had no reason to believe that I didn't.
I was my best self when I was with her and Beth.
And it was stupid.
I should have been honest.
My problem was becoming bigger, but I was still managing.
I only used it when I was stressed.
Papi had a tight hold on my finances again, and now he was paying attention to big transactions.
Honestly, that oversight is probably what helped me fly under the radar for so long.