Honesty (Billy Joel)

NOVEMBER

THANKSGIVING

QUINN'S POV

I had gotten my hopes way, way up and in six little words...she snatched me back down to Earth.

"Oh."

She looked ready to explain, but she wasn't given the chance to wreck my heart even further.

Beth came running out of the bathroom with a big grin. "YOU'RE AWAKE!" She chirped, way happier than her usual grumpy morning face...which snatched my low and made me fall lower.

"You want to tell her, or should I?" I said, looking at Santana and her eyes went wide with the realization that my hopes weren't the only ones she had to break.

Beth jumped up on the bed, throwing herself over Santana's back so that she could kiss my cheek before kissing Santana's.

"Tell me what?" Beth looked at me skeptically and then at her new pillow. "Did Santana change her mind?"

Beth looked disappointed, but it seemed she was holding back from saying so out loud.

"She did, Sweets."

"Oh. Well, that's okay. As long as you don't disappear again." She chirped before bouncing off of Santana and sliding from the bed. "I'm going to go get cereal and get dressed."

And just like that, she left the room, pretending that this wasn't a big deal to her.

Santana looked conflicted as she sat up and watched Beth leave.

I got up from the bed and tried my best to quell the attitude that I felt brewing.

"I hate that Beth's upset because of me." Santana said.

"She just needs to go lick her wounds because she's very much ME."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I'll deal with the fallout of you breaking your word."

"I didn't…I didn't break my word." Her voice cracked, and I dropped my attitude to look her over. She had her hand to her chest as fresh tears dripped down her cheeks.

I grabbed her inhaler and shook it before handing it to her.

She wouldn't look at me but took the inhaler and mumbled her thanks before using it to catch her breath.

"Try not to get worked up, S."

I walked away from Santana before I could say another harsh word, but before I could shut myself into the bathroom, she stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Can you blame me?" She asked as soon as she could speak. "You didn't have to speak for me, Q. You made an uncomfortable conversation worse. I panicked, and instead of talking me down, you spoke for me." She said, sounding just as aggravated as I felt.

I knelt by the bed so I could be in her line of sight. She was silently weeping now while trying to take breaths.

I pulled her face towards me and kissed her until her breathing evened out. My face was now wet with her tears.

"I'm so sorry, love. Let me make up for that now. Please tell me what spooked you about moving in."

"No safe place." She admitted with a shrug.

I understood what she meant, I sometimes went to the office when I didn't need to just to get a breather.

"You will always have a safe place, even if it means me sending Beth with Jake while I go spend time with friends. There are a million ways I could give you a safe space, with or without me. Even Beth needs alone time, like just now. Just because we share a home doesn't mean you'd be obligated to be on at all times."

"It doesn't?"

"No, Princess. I'm sorry I made it worse. I'm frustrated and on edge, I was flirting, and you dropped a bomb on me."

"Sorry." She pouted, and I kissed her lip until she smirked.

"It's been 7 months, Princess. Do you know how hard it's been to see you in skimpy shorts like this and not want to rip them off? You haven't even let me spank you. At least then, I'd get to see your ass."

"Papi told me to not let you spank me until I could catch my breath on my own, but trust me, I wish you could."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes, it might relieve some of my needs, too. Unfortunately, I'm not ready, so you should go take a cold shower."

"I wish you could fuck me, Princess. Then you could shower with me."

I huffed and kissed her once more before shutting myself in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a thump and then heard her voice, smooth as silk.

"I want to fuck you, Q...you have no idea how much."

I groaned as I stripped from my panties and rested back against the door, whimpering as I pressed my fingers to my clit.

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

"Prove it?" She squeaked.

"Tell me how you'd fuck me."

SANTANA'S POV

"I want to taste you on my lips, Q."

"Yea?" She grunted.

"I want to spread your legs wide and taste every drop of you. I want to hear you scream for me. I want you to beg me for release, holding off on your orgasm until I say so."

"Fuck, Princess. I want you so bad...so...fucking bad...shit!" Her head thudded against the door, and I could only imagine her fingers dancing in the wetness that I wouldn't get to taste or touch for a very long time yet. It was torture, knowing what she was doing and not being able to take over. I hadn't earned that kind of reward...it hadn't even been six months yet.

"Me too, Reina." I knew that my tone was half-hearted, but with the sounds she was making, I don't think she even noticed.

My face was pressed against the door as I listened to her panting and fought the need to rub one out right along with her.

I was even denying myself THAT luxury. That's how serious I was about no sex...this though...was out of my hands, literally.

"Whatcha doing?" Beth asked from just behind me.

I froze as I pulled away from the door and turned towards Beth.

Her hair was brushed, and she was dressed, with Vanessa and Rachel in the doorway just behind her.

"I heard a door slam. Is everything alright?" Rachel said, her eyes wide as she looked past me to the bathroom door.

"Are you two fighting because I can go back to sleep." Vanessa chimed in.

"Why'd you have your face to the door like that? Is Mama okay?" Beth asked, coming closer.

Just as I was about to say something, I heard the shower go on and felt relieved...no need to lie to a kid...or nosy-ass Rachel. I could tell from the look on Vanessa's face that she knew just what I'd been doing.

"We were talking. Mama Q is in the shower now. Once she's dressed, we're leaving. Rachel, could you make sure all the windows are locked? Vanessa, a cat nap is all we have time for. Just pee before you rest your eyes. We are going to try to not stop as soon as we get on the road."

After effectively distracting the three of them with directions to keep them anywhere but in the bedroom, I shut the door and threw caution to the wind.

I knew Q was frustrated, and I didn't want to be in a car with her for 9 hours with her feeling that way.

Quinn had left the bathroom door open, thankfully. I stripped off my clothes and listened to her singing to herself...the rasp in her voice seeming even more enticing.

I didn't even attempt to be quiet as I stepped into the shower, in awe of the way she was plastered to the shower wall, moving her hand between her legs as her head rested back, with her eyes closed.

Q loved to be teased, so I stepped close to her and ran my fingers over her neck before pressing kisses along her collarbone.

"Oh fuck." She hissed as I nibbled on her ear. "Princess!" She growled.

"You look so beautiful, Reina. I'm so sorry I let you down. Let me make it up to you."

"How?" She whined.

"Let me talk you through this."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, slow your fingers and open your eyes, My Love."

She whimpered but did as I said. Her lips parted in a moan when she looked at me. "Like this?"

"Yes, just like that." I growled.

The humming was more of a chant now that I was only a few inches away from her.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck...shit...fuck...Princess, I need you. Fuck." She kept moaning over and over...looking like a fallen angel.

I moved in closer, in awe of how the green of her eyes had gold starbursts in them.

"So beautiful. Cup yourself, slide three fingers inside and press your clit with your palm."

She shifted, putting her foot on the ledge of the tub, and I slid my hand under her thigh to help her balance.

"Oh fuck, Princess, it's too much." She whimpered.

"You can take it, Reina. Just keep your eyes on me and thrust faster."

She bit her lip as her body began to shudder.

"So close."

"Don't stop, Reina." I whispered before leaning in further and capturing her lips as she continued to touch herself. I could feel her chest against mine, our passion boiling over as her knuckles grazed the wetness that was dripping between my legs. I pulled my hips back but kept kissing her.

She nibbled my lip and rested her free hand on my hip. "So close, fuck, keep kissing me, Princess."

I pulled back and her eyes were closed again as her hand moved faster.

"Are you going to cum for me, Reina?" I whispered against her ear, moving my hands over her hips again, holding her steady. "Open your eyes." I demanded as her body began to shake.

She moaned, "Yes! San, fuck, yes, yes!" She cried out, and then her body stilled as she caught her breath.

And then I did something I shouldn't have but fuck it, I'm human. I took hold of Q's wrist and brought her fingers to my lips.

"Can't let this go to waste." I muttered before taking my time, sucking each of her fingers into my mouth and savoring the taste of her.

"Fuck, that's hot, Princess." She growled as I kept sucking while staring into her eyes.

Once I was done, I dropped her hand and took a step back, not missing the flash of hurt across her face.

"This is why I've been holding back, Q. If I have to live with you being so hot and sexy every moment of every day...I won't last." I said after dropping a kiss on her lips.

"I know, S, but even our kisses are tame. If I can't have anything else, let me at least have your real kisses. Please don't hold back."

"Since you asked so nicely." I stepped close to her again, running my fingers up and down her sides. I ran them over her hips to the sides of her breasts and back down again. Enjoying her whimpers.

She gave me a soft smile. Her hands gripped my hips as I closed the gap between our lips, pressing against her until our bodies were molded together and our lips were fighting for dominance.

We were lost in the moment, too caught up in each other to remember the world outside the bathroom was waiting for us.

QUINN'S POV

There was a banging on the door for only a moment before I heard the lock being picked.

"I'm coming in!" Vanessa shouted before the lock popped open.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Santana groaned as she continued to keep me pressed against the wall.

"Rachel took Beth to the store for snacks...I need you two to get the fuck out of the shower and get dressed, please. I know you are both grown and sexy, but can you not break your sex hiatus right now? I'd really like to get on the road already, or I'm going back to bed!"

"Sorry, V." I mumbled, and then the curtain opened, and Santana shrieked before burying her face against my neck.

"What the fuck?!" She yelled this time, and Vanessa started laughing.

"Woot woot...look at you two." Vanessa catcalled, winking at me before leaning in and smacking Santana's ass. "Did I ruin the mood now?"

Santana was glaring as she lifted her head and looked at me.

"She's so lucky she's pregnant."

"Right...you know you're not the slightest bit intimidating when you're ass has my red hand print on it. Now...I'm giving you two five minutes before I storm back in here and the next time...I'm bringing my phone with one of your mother's on it!" Vanessa said before turning around and storming out of the bathroom, leaving the door and the shower curtain wide open.

With no other choice, we separated and washed our bodies before climbing from the shower before Vanessa could make good on her word.

I had the first shift on the road. Santana sat next to me, refusing to be in the back seat of her car, but I knew that would change once Rachel was driving.

San kept shifting in her seat, and it wasn't until the first rest stop, two hours in, that she admitted that Vanessa's slap had hurt more than she had let on.

Vanessa and Rachel were inside with Beth, using the bathroom and getting snacks, leaving me to have a moment to actually talk to Santana about things.

Santana sat down with a groan after she finished topping off the gas tank. "Aww...you poor thing, do you want me to rub it for you?"

"No thanks." She grumbled as she scrolled through her phone.

"Will you ever want to live with me?" I asked as we parked outside the rest stop.

She put her phone down and looked at me with a smirk. "I thought we settled this."

"You thought wrong, I gave you concrete facts about having your own space, and you didn't change your mind."

"Right. Like I said, I'm not ready."

"Will you ever be ready?"

"Of course. At some point."

"You said after six months of sobriety that you would decide if two years still fit into your life. Here we are at nearly six months, and you still seem committed to your original goal. Does that mean you're sticking with it?"

"I sucked the cum off your fingers this morning, Q. If that isn't evidence that I'm coming around, I don't know what is."

"I know, S."

"I know I asked you to hang on for me, wait for me, but if it's too much, maybe you should go fuck Asha." She muttered, getting frustrated.

"I don't want to fuck Asha."

"That's a lie."

"I want you, Santana. My body craves your touch. No one else can compare."

"For now."

I leaned over and tilted her face until she was looking at me, then I kissed her. "For always."

She pulled back from the kiss. "I need to make it to six months, Q. That's in a few more weeks. Can we table this until then?"

I should have respected her request, but I was relentless once I got going.

"What if we got married before your two years were up? Would you still make me wait?"

"I'm not making you do anything. I gave you an out."

"Answer my question, please?"

She rolled her eyes at me and shrugged. "If we got married, we'd be intimate again, but since I'm not proposing anytime soon...you should just get that idea out of your head now. We don't need to be married to be together."

"So you don't want to marry me?"

She wasn't looking at me anymore...her eyes were back on her phone as she said the words that I DID NOT want to hear, especially after this morning.

"Not anytime soon, shit, look at my parents. It's taken them twenty-plus years to get to this point again. I need time. I thought you understood that?"

"I do. It's just hard not to feel rejected."

"Don't get in your feelings, Q. I don't feel sorry for you because I asked you to table this conversation until my six months, but instead, you're being a fucking brat, which doesn't inspire me to drop the vow I made to myself."

"Right, I'm sorry I pushed. I won't make that mistake again."

"Unlikely." She muttered.

It was a blow to my ego, but I just nodded and chose not to say another word about it.

Obviously, we weren't on the same page.

I felt like such a fool.

It wasn't until we ended up in the backseat with Beth between us when we were at the rest stop near Columbus and we'd been left alone again that I spoke to her.

"I said I'd wait for you, and I will. I give you my word." I whispered, not expecting a response, but she must have gotten over her tantrum.

"That's all I ask. I appreciate you waiting for me. I don't take it for granted."

"Indeed."

SANTANA'S POV

I spent nine hours in pain, not wanting to bring it to anyone's attention.

My lungs were aching, my head hurt, and that thrum of craving drugs was just beneath my skin.

I felt disgusting and ashamed of my actions in the shower that morning, especially after Quinn kept badgering me.

You'd think that after five months of holding out on her, not even showering with her, the moment I give her just a little release, she'd calm down, but no, I'd just stoked her flames.

There was no one to blame but myself.

I knew she was feeling needy, and I fed into it instead of standing my ground.

At every rest stop, I sucked on my inhaler until halfway through Ohio, when I realized it was empty.

I didn't have anything on me, but Quinn did.

She'd taken to holding onto both mine and Beth's emergency inhalers.

I tried to play nice when she finally spoke to me, but it was too late, she was already pissed off, so I just took shallow breaths, praying my lungs didn't seize in the hour remaining in our ride.

When I turned to see Quinn's eyes closed, I reached for the purse that rested in front of Beth's booster seat, forgetting how light Q slept.

I couldn't find my inhaler, and sat up feeling defeated only to be met by her stare.

"Why are you digging in Rachel's purse?" She asked cooly, not caring that Rachel and Vanessa were in the car this time.

"I thought it was yours." I admitted.

Quinn raised her eyebrow and then lifted her arm, showing me that her purse was in her lap.

"Where's your inhaler?" She asked as she pulled my rescue one out, shaking it before handing it to me instead of waiting for me to ask.

"It's empty."

"Already? Santana, I just filled that prescription last week. It's for emergencies. How often are you using it?"

"I don't know." I said before pressing down on the plunger, sucking down the sweet relief. Another pain shot through me, and this time I hissed. "Please, don't...don't be mad." I squeaked before taking another puff.

Beth woke up and looked at me, then rested her hand on mine, "Don't talk, just breathe."

I nodded and gave her hand a squeeze of thanks.

Quinn didn't bother asking another question. Instead, she opened a bottle of water for me. "Drink this."

After that, she focused her attention on Rachel, who was driving slower than a snail, demanding that she speed up because if I died, she'd make sure that Rachel suffered in perpetuity.

The plan had been to go straight to Mami's since we'd be getting in about an hour before dinner, and Papi would be coming straight from the hospital, but Quinn took charge, just like I needed her to, changing the plans without question.

She'd called ahead to Mami to tell her that we'd be going to the hospital but she would be by on the way there.

Because of that, Mami was standing outside with Judy at her side when we pulled up.

"Don't move, S, just keep breathing, okay?"

"Okay." I said, too weak to put up a fuss.

I watched as Quinn carried a sleepy Beth straight to Judy, barking a few orders before kissing her mother's cheek.

Rachel carried the bags from the car while Vanessa leaned over me with her stethoscope, pressing it to my chest and then back.

All of her grumpiness had faded as she jumped into nurse mode in the middle of my mother's driveway.

It wasn't until she began thumping on my back that I realized my face was pressed against her baby bump. I felt a small kick against my face and pressed a kiss to her stomach.

"Hey now, don't get frisky with me, girl. I know you're delirious, but he can't feel that kiss."

"Sorry." I mumbled.

Quinn had moved Beth's booster seat at some point, I noticed as Vanessa urged me to scoot over so she could keep an eye on me.

"I know I'm not an RN yet, but I'm still a nurse. I'm not going to leave your side until you're in triage."

"Thanks." I huffed, "Don't let her drive." I said.

"Your mom is climbing in the driver's seat as I speak. She had the same idea."

"Party." I tried to joke, but then I started coughing.

"No more talking."

"K."

"Thanks for keeping her distracted, V."

"Anytime, her vitals are all over the place. She was pushing through it for too long."

"Shit. It's my fault, damn it." Q said, sounding like she was near tears.

"Don't…please?" I whimpered.

"Shh." Vanessa said as she rubbed my back.

Needless to say, Papi was furious that I hadn't said anything sooner.

He had a treatment waiting for me and insisted on doing a full work-up.

I got new medication and was made to take a nap before they'd discharge me.

With Vanessa, Quinn, and Mami all standing by, I sat quietly as my father went down the list of ways that I had put my life in jeopardy.

Then, even though I was an adult, he grounded me.

"You are not to set foot out of this town for the next three weeks. You will do the outpatient program and the psych evaluation. There is no better place to celebrate to bring in six months of sobriety, than right at home, in a calm environment. Do you understand me, Santana?"

I nodded, not able to speak past the mask.

"I can't stay." Quinn reminded him.

"You'll take her car back. We will meet you in New York for Christmas festivities now that we have a bigger place. There's room for everyone." Mami said. "That goes for you too, Vanessa."

"I appreciate the offer, but my parents like to hunker down at home during the holidays. We don't do the pagan things, but we do celebrate in our own conservative way. I'll be with them."

"That's understandable." Mami said, and I rested back, enjoying the normal conversation. Papi was still fuming, but now that I'd relented, allowing him to get his way, he was quiet.

I reached for Quinn with my shaky hand, sad that we'd let our emotions get the better of us, and she took it, placing a kiss on my fingers. She scooted her chair as close as she could to me and kept my hand tight in hers.

"I'm here." She said, and I knew that statement was loaded.

I was holding out on her as if she wasn't my endgame, and she was taking it personally. At that point, I didn't blame her.

Q stared at me as Mami talked to Vanessa about what to expect from labor, giving her tips on how to manage it.

With the intervention of my little village, we ended up back at Mami's two hours later, as if I hadn't just scared the shit out of everyone.

I'd followed everyone to the front door, but Quinn held my hand, waving everyone inside before saying a word.

The look on her face made my stomach sink, but I wasn't going to run scared like I had in the past.

I was a new version of myself, and I wouldn't back down.

QUINN'S POV

"I need you to stop scaring me like that, Princess." I said, trying to keep the moment light, but I could tell that she saw right through me.

"Don't." She said, shaking her head. "Give it to me straight, Luce."

I searched her eyes, and then I cupped her face and kissed her lips, savoring the feel of her body leaning into mine.

When I pulled back, she had fresh tears but nodded for me to continue.

"I can't be with you until I can be with you completely. It's too confusing for Beth, and it hurts me so much. I want you to be sober without the distraction that I bring to your life."

"I don't want us to be like before." She said, and I nodded. "Everything after April was so hard for me. Without that bit of structure you and Beth provided, I was drowning."

"We aren't going anywhere. I just think we need to cool it on the kissing and playing house on the weekends. I want you in my bed when I'm able to make love to you."

"Ouch."

"This isn't easy for me."

"Will you go to Asha?"

"No."

"I'd understand if you did."

"But I won't. I'm still waiting for you, Santana. I just need to do it in a way that has clear boundaries."

Now, she was looking desperate. "What if I proposed to you?"

"What?"

"Would you change your mind if I proposed?"

"No. Don't do that. I need you to do it because you want to. You were trying to get me to understand that this morning, and I didn't listen. Now I understand, so I'm going to honor your request."

"Even if I decide that I'm ending my celibacy after six months?"

"Yes, even then."

She nodded, then pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Can I make a request?"

"Yes."

"Can we start this when you go back home? Just for these few days that you're in town, let's leave things as they are."

"Are you sure that you can handle what that means when I'm gone?"

"I'm not sure, but I know at this moment, with me feeling so vulnerable and needy, that I need you, Reina." She said, then leaned in and kissed me fully on the lips.

I kissed her back and then held her tightly against me for another moment.

"Once I leave Lima, this ends." I reminded her.

"Okay."

"But until then, I'll hold you and kiss you as much as you need, Princess."

"Thanks, Q."

After dinner, Antonio insisted on staying at Maribel's so he could be there for Santana.

Mother took Vanessa and Beth back to her house while Rachel headed home to be with her fathers.

Once Maribel and Antonio were sure that Santana wasn't going to pass out, they went to bed, leaving us alone for the first time all day.

I watched as Santana locked the door and then stripped down to nothing.

It was the first time I had seen her naked in months, and even though I knew she'd been eating, her body looked frail.

"Should I get naked too?" I asked her, and she nodded.

"Please?"

"But no sex?"

She hesitated and then scratched her hand up her arm nervously.

"I like what we did this morning, me talking you through your orgasm."

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes." She rummaged through her nightstand and then pulled a mini vibrator out of a plastic case, smirking at me. "Only I used this. It's clean. I want you to use it."

"Yeah?"

"Please?"

I bit my lip as she hovered over me, her voice deep as she traced patterns on my bare stomach as she directed me through fucking myself.

She looked at me with so much love, telling me how much she was looking forward to submitting for me again.

I came over and over again, pressed against her body until she stilled my hand, taking my fingers into her mouth just like she had that morning.

By the time she was done, my eyes were struggling to stay open, and she smirked. "Let's brush our teeth and then get some sleep. Mami always makes a big breakfast, and I think that's when Papi's planning to propose."

"So exciting."

"I know."

"I love you, Santana."

"I love you too, Luce, forever and a day."

It felt good to hold her in my arms, our naked skin pressed together, without a single tremor in her body.

She was on her way to better. I'd be ready and waiting whenever she finally was prepared to make our relationship a reality for good.

I felt like we were finally on the same page. I knew that it was going to hurt to put space between us, but this time, it felt different, less like a break and more like a rest stop before forever.

We hadn't always been the best at being honest, but after the last few years, it was all that we had left, and neither of us was taking anything for granted.

As it should be.